Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Anwar Namtut 344]

15 months. That period has passed

It never passes.

[Kyle 207]

3 hours ago, Armybrat said:

Anal or regular?

[mulletpelini 5225]

On 9/28/2018 at 2:54 PM, MrPhlegm said:

Lulz, angle grinder with a cutoff wheel take care of thos in 30 seconds.

[You don't know me 1163]

On 9/29/2018 at 8:03 PM, markstanco said:

We have a 10 and 7 year old, both boys. Mrs stanco invited 3 other 9/10 year olds and 2 more 7s.

That is 7 boys running around in my house.

I have 5 boys of my own at home.  That's a glimpse into my every day.

[Buffsoldier 1895]

On ‎9‎/‎30‎/‎2018 at 11:06 AM, Spur08 said:

15 months. That period has passed

Edited October 1, 2018 by Buffsoldier

[MNLonghornFUKM 8985]

I have 5 boys of my own at home.  That's a glimpse into my every day.

I...for one...am happy that i dont know you

[You don't know me 1163]

7 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

3 hours ago, You don said:

I have 5 boys of my own at home.  That's a glimpse into my every day.

I...for one...am happy that i dont know you

Hey, at least it's 5 boys and not 5 girls.  Holy shit, I'd probably be dead by now.

[AUS-97HORN 12051]

1 hour ago, You don't know me said:

Hey, at least it's 5 boys and not 5 girls.  Holy shit, I'd probably be dead by now.

true story, my first post-college job,  worked with a guy, who had also just graduated and got married pretty quick.

He had 3 girls in 4 years.  Nuts, but not bonkers, He got promoted to Manager and he and his wife decided to have one more kid.... not sure if they were really trying for a boy, or just another kid.

she gets preggo again.......

triplets....... all girls......    

 

SIX girls under the age of 5.5,   He left the company shortly afterward  taking a promotion.   Im sure he had to, not sure how the fuck you can afford to raise 6 kids in under 6 years of difference.

[mulletpelini 5225]

With that much estrogen at home, I'd have been working long hours too, promotion was imminent.

[Modessit 5667]

My sister had her 2nd girl before the 1st girls 1st birthday, her 3rd girl a couple months after the first turned 2, 1st boy when oldest was 3.5, 2nd boy when oldest was 5.25, 4th girl just before oldest was 7, and 3rd boy just before oldest turned 9. Seven kids age 9 or younger at the time. Oldest is now 23 with one kid and another on the way.

 

And no - you don't want to see pics.

 

 

[PatrickMcHorn 376]

I was told there would be no maths.

[Angry Gorilla 1771]

Wizard sleeve

[KaiserSoze 1018]

My sister had her 2nd girl before the 1st girls 1st birthday, her 3rd girl a couple months after the first turned 2, 1st boy when oldest was 3.5, 2nd boy when oldest was 5.25, 4th girl just before oldest was 7, and 3rd boy just before oldest turned 9. Seven kids age 9 or younger at the time. Oldest is now 23 with one kid and another on the way.
 
And no - you don't want to see pics.
 
 

.

[Anwar Namtut 344]

We had 3 girls in 4 years. The first girl and 3rd are 4 years and one day apart. /Csb

[3adays 454]

On 9/29/2018 at 11:17 PM, Spur08 said:

? Explain.  I'm always supposed to pick up to-go food?  Particularly at places that don't serve any alcohol?

That’s when you slam tall boys and hit vape pens in the car when picking up fast food. Always take the opportunity to pick up dinner. 

[Fudge Nuggets 19462]

15 hours ago, Modessit said:

My sister had her 2nd girl before the 1st girls 1st birthday, her 3rd girl a couple months after the first turned 2, 1st boy when oldest was 3.5, 2nd boy when oldest was 5.25, 4th girl just before oldest was 7, and 3rd boy just before oldest turned 9. Seven kids age 9 or younger at the time. Oldest is now 23 with one kid and another on the way.

 

And no - you don't want to see pics.

 

 

Do all their names start with the same letter?

[Fudge Nuggets 19462]

11 hours ago, Anwar Namtut said:

We had 3 girls in 4 years. The first girl and 3rd are 4 years and one day apart. /Csb

Neighbors down the road had three kids.  All of them had April 1 as their birthday and they weren't triplets.

[NorthLoop 14498]

1 minute ago, Fudge Nuggets said:

Neighbors down the road had three kids.  All of them had April 1 as their birthday and they weren't triplets.

That's just God or Allah or someone telling you something right there. 

[Fudge Nuggets 19462]

3 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

That's just God or Allah or someone telling you something right there. 

Probably trying to tell their dad to stop fucking at the end of June / early July.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8985]

My sister had her 2nd girl before the 1st girls 1st birthday, her 3rd girl a couple months after the first turned 2, 1st boy when oldest was 3.5, 2nd boy when oldest was 5.25, 4th girl just before oldest was 7, and 3rd boy just before oldest turned 9. Seven kids age 9 or younger at the time. Oldest is now 23 with one kid and another on the way.
 
And no - you don't want to see pics.
 
 

Thats a lot of pushing but wtf is wrong with them? Did their fucking make the stitches from birth fall out faster? This is insane

[Kennythetiger 9635]

On 9/29/2018 at 9:36 PM, Kyle said:

Yeah, I get the thread title ... But don't want to start a new thread. Last night she asked me to slip it in the back yard.

This, gentlemen, is how you humblebrag.

[lateshow 1323]

1 hour ago, Kennythetiger said:

This, gentlemen, is how you humblebrag.

Her boyfriend must have gotten her broken in. 

[Angry Gorilla 1771]

7 hours ago, Fudge Nuggets said:

Probably trying to tell their dad to stop fucking at the end of June / early July.

Or stop going on extended business trips then

[El Diablo 4232]

29 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

Or stop going on extended business trips then

Prolly a Reservist, does his 2 weeks of active duty in the summer - and so does the old lady.

[Apep 646]

Or that's when his birthday is.

[Nolacycling 893]

On 10/1/2018 at 4:31 PM, Modessit said:

My sister had her 2nd girl before the 1st girls 1st birthday, her 3rd girl a couple months after the first turned 2, 1st boy when oldest was 3.5, 2nd boy when oldest was 5.25, 4th girl just before oldest was 7, and 3rd boy just before oldest turned 9. Seven kids age 9 or younger at the time. Oldest is now 23 with one kid and another on the way.

 

And no - you don't want to see pics.

 

 

Irish triplets.

Edited October 3, 2018 by Nolacycling

[Best served cold 159]

On 9/7/2018 at 7:28 AM, Reagan1k said:

Yeah-  If where my head hits the pillow at night is in question......I'm making the reservations.

I may have a kitchen faucet replacement that'll cost me $100k, but I'm always sure of where I have a place to sleep.

Yeah she is typically really good about these kinds of things. She's a planner who loves doing that kind of shit and I don't really care to do it because then I can't get it wrong and don't have to deal with more bullshit. Everything worked out in the end and was honestly the first time that I've actually gotten pissed at her. I think that makes me a pretty lucky guy for the most part. 

 

Feel free to neg away.

[crimsonlonghorn 2313]

I work from home so I'm usually the one who "gets ready" for the cleaning lady each week. I don't travel a whole lot, but I do travel for work some and Mrs CL has lately started complaining lately about the cleaning lady coming when I'm out of town. Apparently it's too much work for her to spend the 10 minutes that I normally spend getting the house ready picking up dirty clothes and putting away breakfast dishes. She says it's hard enough already to get the kids out of bed and off to school by herself. (Normally this is my job, too)

This week I have to leave town. Cleaning lady is supposed to come on Wednesday (today). Mrs CL tells me to tell the cleaning lady not to come at all. She "can't handle" the extra work. I tell her OK, but point out that the house will now go two weeks without getting cleaned up and it needs it.

Never fear she says, I'll do a little cleaning myself before I go to work. I ask about this obvious contradiction and apparently that's a TONE-worthy question I shouldn't be asking. 

These are the texts I started getting during my breakfast meeting this morning in Chicago:

 

[SuperSurly 21]

5 minutes ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

I work from home so I'm usually the one who "gets ready" for the cleaning lady each week. I don't travel a whole lot, but I do travel for work some and Mrs CL has lately started complaining lately about the cleaning lady coming when I'm out of town. Apparently it's too much work for her to spend the 10 minutes that I normally spend getting the house ready picking up dirty clothes and putting away breakfast dishes. She says it's hard enough already to get the kids out of bed and off to school by herself. (Normally this is my job, too)

This week I have to leave town. Cleaning lady is supposed to come on Wednesday (today). Mrs CL tells me to tell the cleaning lady not to come at all. She "can't handle" the extra work. I tell her OK, but point out that the house will now go two weeks without getting cleaned up and it needs it.

Never fear she says, I'll do a little cleaning myself before I go to work. I ask about this obvious contradiction and apparently that's a TONE-worthy question I shouldn't be asking. 

These are the texts I started getting during my breakfast meeting this morning in Chicago:

 

She's a charmer!

[GlenFromTheMailRoom 1642]

Wife and I have a nice dinner tonight.  Great evening having sushi, sake, and just hanging.

We get home.  Put the infant down to bed.  While in the kitchen I notice skunk smell from outside and ask where the dog is.  Wife goes outside and dog has been sprayed in the mouth.  Mouth starts foaming because of the spray and wife thinks he's dying.  She drags the dog into our room and screams "Google how to see if skunks give dogs rabies.".  I reply, "get the fucking dog out of our room!".  

It took me saying this five times to get the goddamn dog out of the room.  I'm not helping get the odor out one bit and will sleep in the guest room until she figures it out.
"

Edited October 4, 2018 by GlenFromTheMailRoom

[NeverMarryAStripper 22311]

35 minutes ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

I work from home so I'm usually the one who "gets ready" for the cleaning lady each week. I don't travel a whole lot, but I do travel for work some and Mrs CL has lately started complaining lately about the cleaning lady coming when I'm out of town. Apparently it's too much work for her to spend the 10 minutes that I normally spend getting the house ready picking up dirty clothes and putting away breakfast dishes. She says it's hard enough already to get the kids out of bed and off to school by herself. (Normally this is my job, too)

This week I have to leave town. Cleaning lady is supposed to come on Wednesday (today). Mrs CL tells me to tell the cleaning lady not to come at all. She "can't handle" the extra work. I tell her OK, but point out that the house will now go two weeks without getting cleaned up and it needs it.

Never fear she says, I'll do a little cleaning myself before I go to work. I ask about this obvious contradiction and apparently that's a TONE-worthy question I shouldn't be asking. 

These are the texts I started getting during my breakfast meeting this morning in Chicago:

 

She better give great head

Edited October 4, 2018 by NeverMarryAStripper

[cactusflinthead 27628]

And this is why we have been given the ability to silence the phone. 

[Upgrayedd 5906]

56 minutes ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

I work from home so I'm usually the one who "gets ready" for the cleaning lady each week. I don't travel a whole lot, but I do travel for work some and Mrs CL has lately started complaining lately about the cleaning lady coming when I'm out of town. Apparently it's too much work for her to spend the 10 minutes that I normally spend getting the house ready picking up dirty clothes and putting away breakfast dishes. She says it's hard enough already to get the kids out of bed and off to school by herself. (Normally this is my job, too)

This week I have to leave town. Cleaning lady is supposed to come on Wednesday (today). Mrs CL tells me to tell the cleaning lady not to come at all. She "can't handle" the extra work. I tell her OK, but point out that the house will now go two weeks without getting cleaned up and it needs it.

Never fear she says, I'll do a little cleaning myself before I go to work. I ask about this obvious contradiction and apparently that's a TONE-worthy question I shouldn't be asking. 

These are the texts I started getting during my breakfast meeting this morning in Chicago:

 

 

21 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

She better give great head

How’s Barb’s head game?

[Sam Lin 3602]

Is Barbara your wife?

[ernest_t_bass 1196]

7 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

 

 

Um... wow.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8985]

The hell does fire the children mean

[HenryJames 67412]

8 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

I work from home so I'm usually the one who "gets ready" for the cleaning lady each week. I don't travel a whole lot, but I do travel for work some and Mrs CL has lately started complaining lately about the cleaning lady coming when I'm out of town. Apparently it's too much work for her to spend the 10 minutes that I normally spend getting the house ready picking up dirty clothes and putting away breakfast dishes. She says it's hard enough already to get the kids out of bed and off to school by herself. (Normally this is my job, too)

This week I have to leave town. Cleaning lady is supposed to come on Wednesday (today). Mrs CL tells me to tell the cleaning lady not to come at all. She "can't handle" the extra work. I tell her OK, but point out that the house will now go two weeks without getting cleaned up and it needs it.

Never fear she says, I'll do a little cleaning myself before I go to work. I ask about this obvious contradiction and apparently that's a TONE-worthy question I shouldn't be asking. 

These are the texts I started getting during my breakfast meeting this morning in Chicago:

 

Tone.

[troph 25238]

Wow she’s ah-MAZING. Can you block your wife and stay married?

[BearSchlong 8248]

Barb is the cleaning lady/maid that we hope is blowing CrimHorn on the side. 

No shit.

When I admitted to close family that I had been fucking around on my first wife, my mom actually said "good, I'm glad. At least you were having an enjoyable time with SOME female."

Hope you got blown in Chicago, bro.

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2779]

Your wife work out on the patch? She talks like it.

[Js1 87202]

9 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

She better give great head

If not, buy a better vacuum, I guess?

[OrangEngr 1035]

11 hours ago, GlenFromTheMailRoom said:

Wife and I have a nice dinner tonight.  Great evening having sushi, sake, and just hanging.

We get home.  Put the infant down to bed.  While in the kitchen I notice skunk smell from outside and ask where the dog is.  Wife goes outside and dog has been sprayed in the mouth.  Mouth starts foaming because of the spray and wife thinks he's dying.  She drags the dog into our room and screams "Google how to see if skunks give dogs rabies.".  I reply, "get the fucking dog out of our room!".  

It took me saying this five times to get the goddamn dog out of the room.  I'm not helping get the odor out one bit and will sleep in the guest room until she figures it out.
"

I love that her first instinct upon thinking your dog had gotten insta-rabies was to bring it in the house

[lateshow 1323]

12 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

I work from home so I'm usually the one who "gets ready" for the cleaning lady each week. I don't travel a whole lot, but I do travel for work some and Mrs CL has lately started complaining lately about the cleaning lady coming when I'm out of town. Apparently it's too much work for her to spend the 10 minutes that I normally spend getting the house ready picking up dirty clothes and putting away breakfast dishes. She says it's hard enough already to get the kids out of bed and off to school by herself. (Normally this is my job, too)

This week I have to leave town. Cleaning lady is supposed to come on Wednesday (today). Mrs CL tells me to tell the cleaning lady not to come at all. She "can't handle" the extra work. I tell her OK, but point out that the house will now go two weeks without getting cleaned up and it needs it.

Never fear she says, I'll do a little cleaning myself before I go to work. I ask about this obvious contradiction and apparently that's a TONE-worthy question I shouldn't be asking. 

These are the texts I started getting during my breakfast meeting this morning in Chicago:

 

Did I post this in my sleep? Is Crimsonlonghorn my sock? 

[You don't know me 1163]

12 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

I work from home so I'm usually the one who "gets ready" for the cleaning lady each week. I don't travel a whole lot, but I do travel for work some and Mrs CL has lately started complaining lately about the cleaning lady coming when I'm out of town. Apparently it's too much work for her to spend the 10 minutes that I normally spend getting the house ready picking up dirty clothes and putting away breakfast dishes. She says it's hard enough already to get the kids out of bed and off to school by herself. (Normally this is my job, too)

This week I have to leave town. Cleaning lady is supposed to come on Wednesday (today). Mrs CL tells me to tell the cleaning lady not to come at all. She "can't handle" the extra work. I tell her OK, but point out that the house will now go two weeks without getting cleaned up and it needs it.

Never fear she says, I'll do a little cleaning myself before I go to work. I ask about this obvious contradiction and apparently that's a TONE-worthy question I shouldn't be asking. 

These are the texts I started getting during my breakfast meeting this morning in Chicago:

 

You need to find a reason to stay in Chicago for another week.

[Sandman 3435]

1 hour ago, You don't know me said:

You need to find a reason to stay in Chicago for another week.

No shit. I'd drive to the south side, see if I can't catch a bullet or two. "Sorry, hun. Doc says I have to stay off my feet for a few days."

[Jameslaw121 4498]

2 hours ago, OrangEngr said:

I love that her first instinct upon thinking your dog had gotten insta-rabies was to bring it in the house

With an infant???

 

Also, you took your infant to a nice sushi place? My god I'm jealous....

[Jameslaw121 4498]

So, to be clear, Barbara is the cleaning lady and she needs to be fired because your wife told her not to come today but should be fired because wife had to clean, because she told you to tell Barbara not to come today and clean??? 

[lateshow 1323]

I'll never begin to understand the anxiety that women development on the day that the cleaning lady comes. 

[DaysOff 8212]

Have to admit. I'm a little turned on by CL's wife.

[Pato del Muerto 53541]

A Harvard man should know when he’s made a bad deal, and know how to get out of it.