Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Fudge Nuggets 19206]

7 hours ago, Hugh G. Rection said:

Or have a second tv playing the game

Or grow a pair.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

10 hours ago, Druggist said:

I was stunned at the turn of events at first and was pretty much speechless.  Then I thought about Costa Rica and their summer cottage on the ocean in Nova Scotia.   It was an investment.  My in-laws are pretty awesome compared to the ones in the holiday thread.

You are a kept man. Good on ya.

[mulletpelini 5212]

No amount of money or in-law influence will ever outweigh wielding the remote.  You think these people will give a shit about you when you divorce their daughter in 5 years?  They'll do everything they can to make your life hell.

Your remote is always there for you.  Get your priorities straight, take the loss pussy!

[BearSchlong 8099]

12 hours ago, Druggist said:

I was stunned at the turn of events at first and was pretty much speechless.  Then I thought about Costa Rica and their summer cottage on the ocean in Nova Scotia.   It was an investment.  My in-laws are pretty awesome compared to the ones in the holiday thread.

At least she had the decency to press pause instead of just flipping the channel over to Grey's Anatomy or whatnot.

[Mitch Cumsteen 18550]

My wife is Sand Aggy. She gives zero fucks about football and I don't think she even ever went to a game while she was in school. Still, she's going to root for Tech and annoy the shit out of me for 3 hours 5 hours during the game just because. So I come up with this brilliant idea: I bet her $20 that Tech is going to win. She spent the entire game talking shit to me every time Texas scored and was rooting for the Horns the whole time. Best $20 I ever spent.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

Legendary.

[You don't know me 1161]

My wife is Sand Aggy. She gives zero fucks about football and I don't think she even ever went to a game while she was in school. Still, she's going to root for Tech and annoy the shit out of me for 3 hours 5 hours during the game just because. So I come up with this brilliant idea: I bet her $20 that Tech is going to win. She spent the entire game talking shit to me every time Texas scored and was rooting for the Horns the whole time. Best $20 I ever spent.

And that $20 will turn into something like this, right?

[EE2B 1565]

No, she will spend the $20 on lunch one day and pay $500 for that monstrosity in celebration of her “win”.

[Buffsoldier 1895]

1 hour ago, You don't know me said:

And that $20 will turn into something like this, right?

Nightmare fuel.  Seriously, that looks like something you prank someone with by putting it on their nightstand so that it's the first thing they see when they wake up....

[KaiserSoze 998]

Ebola dog

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

It will look perfect next to the 3 foot crab in the bathroom

Edited November 12, 2018 by Cheeseweasel

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

14 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

It will look perfect next to the 3 foot crab in the bathroom

Your wife has crabs?

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

7 minutes ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Your wife has crabs?

You might want to get checked out.

[Trey3216 15347]

18 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

and she had access to the remote why, exactly...?

that's on you

Right!?  Who was fetching your beer and making sammiches?

[Trey3216 15347]

5 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

My wife is Sand Aggy. She gives zero fucks about football and I don't think she even ever went to a game while she was in school. Still, she's going to root for Tech and annoy the shit out of me for 3 hours 5 hours during the game just because. So I come up with this brilliant idea: I bet her $20 that Tech is going to win. She spent the entire game talking shit to me every time Texas scored and was rooting for the Horns the whole time. Best $20 I ever spent.

Reverse pay for the win.  Impressive. 

[Incredulity 11675]

2 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

Reverse pay for the win.  Impressive. 

The real question is how many years in a row can he pull it off.

[SHOOTER12 8811]

On 11/8/2018 at 8:50 AM, Cheeseweasel said:

I like the cut of her jib.

I'm not sure her new husband feels the same way LOL

[Macanudo 12989]

1 hour ago, Incredulity said:

The real question is how many years in a row can he pull it off.

Well, she went to TCEH so probably the rest of his life.

[miguelito 11266]

"Did you hear that Spike Lee died today?"

[WhatTheBuck 28788]

4 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Your wife has crabs?

Just one. But it's a doozy. 

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

"Did you hear that Spike Lee died today?"

This could be one of those fly under the radar dark horses

[mulletpelini 5212]

2 hours ago, miguelito said:

"Did you hear that Spike Lee died today?"

You did the right thing.

[ABSR 5316]

2 hours ago, miguelito said:

"Did you hear that Spike Lee died today?"

That’s Marvelous

[Archer 474]

6 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Your wife has crabs?

You can get those from a dirty toilet, you know. 

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

11 hours ago, miguelito said:

"Did you hear that Spike Lee died today?"

I have to know your response. Was it:

A) No, baby. STAN Lee

B) BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

C) (tone)

D) Mixed yourself a drink

[miguelito 11266]

5 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

I have to know your response. Was it:

A) No, baby. STAN Lee

B) BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

C) (tone)

D) Mixed yourself a drink

It was actually very much this:

 

Followed by her: "No, wait. .... wait .... Steve, Stan, STANLEY!"

[GottaB 594]

That’s Marvelous

Very punny

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

Oh shit! @miguelito:

 

[TrashMaster G 17565]

On 11/11/2018 at 8:18 AM, Incredulity said:

Well, mine has perfected the art of sending some garbled gibberish of a text and then not being able to answer the phone when I call for a translation moments later.

Which basically broke me of giving a fuck about when she texts.  Quick scan for the words hospital, kids name or emergency. If not, I will deal with it when I get home.

From now on, respond to a gibberish text with:  Ok, cool.  Hook'em.

[TrashMaster G 17565]

On 11/12/2018 at 10:44 AM, Mitch Cumsteen said:

My wife is Sand Aggy. She gives zero fucks about football and I don't think she even ever went to a game while she was in school. Still, she's going to root for Tech and annoy the shit out of me for 3 hours 5 hours during the game just because. So I come up with this brilliant idea: I bet her $20 that Tech is going to win. She spent the entire game talking shit to me every time Texas scored and was rooting for the Horns the whole time. Best $20 I ever spent.

THAT is how you do marriage.  (As we ignore the clutter obscuring Mitch's view of the tv)

[SHOOTER12 8811]

12 hours ago, Archer said:

You can get those from a dirty toilet, you know. 

You guys need to keep your wives off of tractors.

[El Diablo 4232]

Mitch's wife was the USC cheerleader before transferring to TCEH.

[Buffsoldier 1895]

1 hour ago, TrashMaster G said:

From now on, respond to a gibberish text with:  Ok, cool.  Hook'em.

"But honey, here's your reply. You said you were o.k. with me buying the Mercedes."

Nope, not a recommended standard practice. 

[Incredulity 11675]

1 hour ago, Buffsoldier said:

"But honey, here's your reply. You said you were o.k. with me buying the Mercedes."

Nope, not a recommended standard practice. 

This guy fucks.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

Wife was reheating some bowtie noodles from last nights supper.. put the microwave at 2 minutes and walks away to do something downstairs

[elfenix 34318]

And then the beeping of the microwave every 30 seconds to remind you that yes, there is hot food inside, drove you insane

[blacklab 11941]

put it back in the fridge

[cactusflinthead 27601]

Ok, so it is not only mine. 

It gets two beeps. It can sit on the counter. Eventually it goes another round. Maybe. It has been scraped into the trash on a few testy occasions. 

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

I Was there to save it after the 20 seconds it was needed to heat up

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

And then the beeping of the microwave every 30 seconds to remind you that yes, there is hot food inside, drove you insane

The. Worst.

[WhatTheBuck 28788]

1 hour ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Wife was reheating some bowtie noodles from last nights supper.. put the microwave at 2 minutes and walks away to do something downstairs

 

8 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

I Was there to save it after the 20 seconds it was needed to heat up

So farfalle, so good. 

[Pato del Muerto 52528]

my wife likes to reheat coffee in the microwave and then walk away and forget about it. After it got cold because she walked away and forgot about it after drinking half a cup. 

[crimsonlonghorn 2306]

Not sure why she shared this with me, but guess whose car this was?

Still not as good as the time a few years ago she left the keys in her running car because she didn't want to miss the train. (story from the old site)

 

[ShaggyBevo RIP 3868]

^^^

Umm, why didn't whoever reported it just shut the trunk?

[SilasCoade 2622]

2 minutes ago, ShaggyBevo RIP said:

^^^

Umm, why didn't whoever reported it just shut the trunk?

Yeah, that post is a triple threat: dumbass who left trunk open, dumbass who called it a truck (oh, Trixie), and same dumbass not just closing it.

[Dennis Taylor 18831]

not my wife, but one of her friends...someone she knows got hit by a car and died...the friend posted the article from a tv station website on her facebook page and tagged (whatever that means) her deceased friend...uhmm...     

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

not my wife, but one of her friends...someone she knows got hit by a car and died...the friend posted the article from a tv station website on her facebook page and tagged (whatever that means) her deceased friend...uhmm...     

"Feeling sad and depressed with *insert dead person here *"

[Leeroy Jenkins 2409]

12 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

not my wife, but one of her friends...someone she knows got hit by a car and died...the friend posted the article from a tv station website on her facebook page and tagged (whatever that means) her deceased friend...uhmm...     

Well the car tagged the friend first.  

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

Well the car tagged the friend first.  

No chill

[VolenteHawk 495]

1 hour ago, Leeroy Jenkins said:

Well the car tagged the friend first.  

Gotdammit. See you in hell.