Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[UTEX90 589]

7 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Mrs CL has horrible technology habits. She would say it's impatience and an unhelpful husband. I say it's because she's too lazy and has no discipline. 

I keep a charging cable on my side of the bed and plug in my phone every night when I go to bed and with very few exceptions my phone never runs out of juice during the day. Occasionally the cable wears out and has to be replaced, but I never move the cable next to my bed. I also keep a separate charger in my backpack that is just for traveling and it stays in my backpack unless I am traveling. If I need a charger or a cable for somewhere else, I'll grab one of the extra ones in my desk drawer, but the "permanent" ones never move. So I'm never looking for them and my shit stays charged. 

I have explained the benefits of this system to Mrs CL and have purchased her multiple charges and cables to keep on her nightstand, but she refuses to be diligent about plugging in at night, so her phone is constantly running out of juice during the day. So naturally, she walks off with the charger from her bedside and leaves it somewhere and then complains when she can't find a charger. 

In related news, she changed the password on her phone over the weekend and forgot what the new password was. She took it to the Apple Store and they said, "No problem, we can just wipe it and restore it. When was your latest backup?"

Guess whose fault it is that she has never backed up that damn phone?

All I got out of all of this is that your wife is trying to hide shit from you by changing the password on her phone, probably never wanted to give you access to back it up, and the divorce is going to be all of your fault because you were not supportive in the marriage. 

I need a new career.

[Buffsoldier 1895]

1 hour ago, babysdaddy said:

wife now uses the garage wall as her indicator that she's fully in and the garage door won't hit her back bumper when it's closing.  as in, she bumps the wall every time she pulls in to park.

also, new habit has started on not closing the garage door and not locking the back door.  I assume not closing the garage is just in case the wall has moved mysteriously while she was away and now the parking spot is shorter.

so last night, when the wind blew and since the actual garage was open, our door to our garage flew open and set off the alarm waking up everyone (read 2 kids under 5) in the house.

  

 

[Buffsoldier 1895]

32 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

I would actually take that.

Mine sits at lights after they turn green, and at stop signs too long (the Midwestern version of a Mexican Standoff is 4 people pulling up to a 4 way stop at the same time).  When I point this out, I'm accused of "yelling".  There has been no change in the volume of my voice.

"Do you want me to yell?  Because I can...."

Sometimes it's worth the 'tone'.

[Cheeseweasel 26439]

Marry her. She sounds awesome.

[tbone_ 14447]

Let me preset that this doesn't belong here. She a girlfriend, but if I ever get married again, it will probably be her. I won't so feel free to neg away. 
Planning a trip in NYC for NYE. Of course, I'm footing the bill entirely. (see what I mean) I try to do NYE in a different city each year. I decided to invite this female. 
I've got all the shit planned out and taken care of based on tourist shit she wanted to do save one. 
I have a dinner planned at higher end restaurant. Start early. I had plans at a fancy relaxed high end club with a roof top portion for watching fireworks. 
She has now noted she wants to watch the ball drop. Not really watch it drop just get a pick of the ball.  I've taken care to explain the specific issues regarding the logistics of getting close enough to times square to get a decent pic. I also noted we can't make it to the spendy event and get a pic. I explained that a place where you could is 4x more expensive than the already very spendy place we are going. (Think bottle service and somewhat well known DJ) I've explained again and she already knew, I do NOT do well in super packed crowds. Also, I give zero fucks about seeing the ball drop. It means nothing to me. 
Guess what she has decided. Yeah, I should have got the hotel that has the view of the ball drop for double the already high cost. Time Square hotel alone was not enough.

DJ’s, bottle service, giving a rats ass what you do on NYE. None of that has anything to do with marriage. Beat it with this nonsense.

[TrashMaster G 18093]

7 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

Let me preset that this doesn't belong here. She a girlfriend, but if I ever get married again, it will probably be her. I won't so feel free to neg away. 

Planning a trip in NYC for NYE. Of course, I'm footing the bill entirely. (see what I mean) I try to do NYE in a different city each year. I decided to invite this female. 

I've got all the shit planned out and taken care of based on tourist shit she wanted to do save one. 

I have a dinner planned at higher end restaurant. Start early. I had plans at a fancy relaxed high end club with a roof top portion for watching fireworks. 

She has now noted she wants to watch the ball drop. Not really watch it drop just get a pick of the ball.  I've taken care to explain the specific issues regarding the logistics of getting close enough to times square to get a decent pic. I also noted we can't make it to the spendy event and get a pic. I explained that a place where you could is 4x more expensive than the already very spendy place we are going. (Think bottle service and somewhat well known DJ) I've explained again and she already knew, I do NOT do well in super packed crowds. Also, I give zero fucks about seeing the ball drop. It means nothing to me. 

Guess what she has decided. Yeah, I should have got the hotel that has the view of the ball drop for double the already high cost. Time Square hotel alone was not enough.

She sounds like a wife already.  Take note of that and NEVER marry her.

[miguelito 11505]

Did you offer to let her get a picture of your balls instead?

[luke duke 6450]

Let me preset that this doesn't belong here. She a girlfriend, but if I ever get married again, it will probably be her. I won't so feel free to neg away. 
Planning a trip in NYC for NYE. Of course, I'm footing the bill entirely. (see what I mean) I try to do NYE in a different city each year. I decided to invite this female. 
I've got all the shit planned out and taken care of based on tourist shit she wanted to do save one. 
I have a dinner planned at higher end restaurant. Start early. I had plans at a fancy relaxed high end club with a roof top portion for watching fireworks. 
She has now noted she wants to watch the ball drop. Not really watch it drop just get a pick of the ball.  I've taken care to explain the specific issues regarding the logistics of getting close enough to times square to get a decent pic. I also noted we can't make it to the spendy event and get a pic. I explained that a place where you could is 4x more expensive than the already very spendy place we are going. (Think bottle service and somewhat well known DJ) I've explained again and she already knew, I do NOT do well in super packed crowds. Also, I give zero fucks about seeing the ball drop. It means nothing to me. 
Guess what she has decided. Yeah, I should have got the hotel that has the view of the ball drop for double the already high cost. Time Square hotel alone was not enough.

This one’s on you.

[Trey3216 15452]

3 hours ago, babysdaddy said:

well, she's an ivy league educated engineer so I didn't think I needed to.  counterargument, woman.

Is she perhaps, Asian?

[SilasCoade 2622]

1 hour ago, tbone_ said:

DJ’s, bottle service, giving a rats ass what you do on NYE. None of that has anything to do with marriage. Beat it with this nonsense.

This

[ABSR 5370]

2 hours ago, BurntEyes said:

Let me preset that this doesn't belong here. She a girlfriend, but if I ever get married again, it will probably be her. I won't so feel free to neg away. 

Planning a trip in NYC for NYE. Of course, I'm footing the bill entirely. (see what I mean) I try to do NYE in a different city each year. I decided to invite this female. 

I've got all the shit planned out and taken care of based on tourist shit she wanted to do save one. 

I have a dinner planned at higher end restaurant. Start early. I had plans at a fancy relaxed high end club with a roof top portion for watching fireworks. 

She has now noted she wants to watch the ball drop. Not really watch it drop just get a pick of the ball.  I've taken care to explain the specific issues regarding the logistics of getting close enough to times square to get a decent pic. I also noted we can't make it to the spendy event and get a pic. I explained that a place where you could is 4x more expensive than the already very spendy place we are going. (Think bottle service and somewhat well known DJ) I've explained again and she already knew, I do NOT do well in super packed crowds. Also, I give zero fucks about seeing the ball drop. It means nothing to me. 

Guess what she has decided. Yeah, I should have got the hotel that has the view of the ball drop for double the already high cost. Time Square hotel alone was not enough.

You should marry her.  After that all of this BS will go away and it will be nothing but blow jobs and cotton candy.  

Join us!  The water is fine!

[AM Wood 335]

She only wants to see the ball drop so she can put a pic of it on Facebook.

tell her she can grab a great pic on the internet, or she can pay for that shit herself.

 

she sounds like she fucks like a mental patient and you’re going to marry her.

[Goofyboy 3434]

So, how hot is she?

[Modessit 5667]

5-yr-old boy has a tendency to get up super early on weekends and not tell us. He'll get the tablet and be sitting on the couch watching YouTube videos about Hot Wheels. Since he'll sometimes just click the next suggested video which is not always appropriate, I decided to put a PIN password on it so he can't get on it without telling us.

 

Well, this morning I get up and he's watching the tablet. I ask him how he got on and he said he knew the code and told it to me. I asked my wife if she gave him the code and she told me that he was watching when she did it and he remembered it. Wtf? I told her the point of having the code was so he wouldn't know what it was and get on it without our knowing. Now, I have to change it again. I'm thinking of not telling my wife the code this time so she can't use it either.

 

It's a good thing she has no idea what her ATM PIN is.

 

 

[Goofyboy 3434]

You don’t have YouTube Kids? It works pretty good.

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2779]

  I thought leaving doors open was something that all well to do or rural white people did. Even though we live in an extremely safe area way in the burbs, it still freaks me out if the doors are unlocked. So I trained the wife and kid to lock it. However, whenever her parents come to town they leave everything unlocked. While sitting in the family room with them all I can do is just stare at the lock. I know nothing will happen, but the old inner city guy in me just can't trust it. So once they go to bed I get up and lock everything. lol. They do acknowledge my discomfort sometimes. We were looking at a house in Friendswood Lakes awhile back. They came to town and my wife wanted to drive them by and show them. There was a pool in the back and the FIL wanted to look at it so he just opened the gate and went in(home was vacant). My MIL took one look at the fear in my face(black people aren't allowed to freely peruse around properties) and called him back.

Wait just a dam minute here. I thought Derka was the only black guy on this site?

[Goofyboy 3434]

She's a fat kneed, pointy elbowed horse face.

So she can cook!

[mulletpelini 5225]

How much entitlement does one have to call shots on an all expense paid tag along trip?  

Ah shit she's a woman.

[Js1 87183]

2 hours ago, Modessit said:

5-yr-old boy has a tendency to get up super early on weekends and not tell us. He'll get the tablet and be sitting on the couch watching YouTube videos about Hot Wheels. Since he'll sometimes just click the next suggested video which is not always appropriate, I decided to put a PIN password on it so he can't get on it without telling us.

 

Well, this morning I get up and he's watching the tablet. I ask him how he got on and he said he knew the code and told it to me. I asked my wife if she gave him the code and she told me that he was watching when she did it and he remembered it. Wtf? I told her the point of having the code was so he wouldn't know what it was and get on it without our knowing. Now, I have to change it again. I'm thinking of not telling my wife the code this time so she can't use it either.

 

It's a good thing she has no idea what her ATM PIN is.

 

 

My mom did that to my nephew. She uses the same passcode for everything. Didn’t take long for him to rack up $300 on iTunes 

[Trey3216 15452]

1 hour ago, Js1 said:

My mom did that to my nephew. She uses the same passcode for everything. Didn’t take long for him to rack up $300 on iTunes 

So your mom got to listen to every Imagine Dragons song ever recorded for 3 days?

[troph 25227]

Did you offer to let her get a picture of your balls instead?

Have they dropped yet?

I kid I kid...

[BurntOrangeCrush 1028]

3 hours ago, BurntEyes said:

She's a fat kneed, pointy elbowed horse face.

[crimsonlonghorn 2313]

 

13 hours ago, babysdaddy said:

wife now uses the garage wall as her indicator that she's fully in and the garage door won't hit her back bumper when it's closing.  as in, she bumps the wall every time she pulls in to park.

also, new habit has started on not closing the garage door and not locking the back door.  I assume not closing the garage is just in case the wall has moved mysteriously while she was away and now the parking spot is shorter.

so last night, when the wind blew and since the actual garage was open, our door to our garage flew open and set off the alarm waking up everyone (read 2 kids under 5) in the house.

  

I have demonstrated to my wife that the backup camera is a useful tool for seeing if you are far enough into the garage. All you have to do is pull in to what you think is the right distance, pop it in reverse and glance at the camera, and if your rear bumper still isn't far enough inside, inch forward a little bit more until you are. Rinse and repeat. 

Her response was that, "When I'm parking and coming home at night, I don't have time to put the damn car in reverse."

Also, this car is about 9 months old and is the first one she's ever had with the beeping sonar and she hates it. She parks even further away from the side wall because she claims she can't tell the differing lengths of beeps apart. So as soon as it starts beeping she's afraid to go any further. I explained that the the beeping gets faster the closer you get and just to listen for it making a solid tone to know that the car is close enough to the wall.

Her response to that one was, "Those beeps are so damn annoying. I hate them."

[crimsonlonghorn 2313]

12 hours ago, UTEX90 said:

All I got out of all of this is that your wife is trying to hide shit from you by changing the password on her phone, probably never wanted to give you access to back it up, and the divorce is going to be all of your fault because you were not supportive in the marriage. 

I need a new career.

Except that the first thing I do whenever she gets a new phone or iPad is I load my fingerprint into it so I don't have to know the current password when she asks me to load such and such bullshit app or fix whatever setting she's screwed up. I suggested that system to her a couple years ago and it has worked great. 

Unfortunately, the fingerprint thing is subordinate to the password so eventually it will require the password instead of the fingerprint so you still need to know the password. 

The real reason she changed it is that our nine year old son was able to guess the password and was playing with it when she wasn't watching. The fact that he was able to guess it probably tells you something about the sophistication of her mad encryption skillz. 

[Thatguy 9366]

8 hours ago, Goofyboy said:

You don’t have YouTube Kids? It works pretty good.

    It still lets some questionable content through.

8 hours ago, Modessit said:

5-yr-old boy has a tendency to get up super early on weekends and not tell us. He'll get the tablet and be sitting on the couch watching YouTube videos about Hot Wheels. Since he'll sometimes just click the next suggested video which is not always appropriate, I decided to put a PIN password on it so he can't get on it without telling us.

 

Well, this morning I get up and he's watching the tablet. I ask him how he got on and he said he knew the code and told it to me. I asked my wife if she gave him the code and she told me that he was watching when she did it and he remembered it. Wtf? I told her the point of having the code was so he wouldn't know what it was and get on it without our knowing. Now, I have to change it again. I'm thinking of not telling my wife the code this time so she can't use it either.

 

It's a good thing she has no idea what her ATM PIN is.

 

 

   A couple years ago my now 10 year old little girl knew the password for my wife's phone, for the desktop, and her debit card pin as well. After much handwringing I got her to at least hide her card pin. The neighbors daughter racked up 300 in game charges on her parents. Probably the best thing that ever happened because now my wife decided she should keep that from her too.

[TrashMaster G 18093]

4 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

 

I have demonstrated to my wife that the backup camera is a useful tool for seeing if you are far enough into the garage. All you have to do is pull in to what you think is the right distance, pop it in reverse and glance at the camera, and if your rear bumper still isn't far enough inside, inch forward a little bit more until you are. Rinse and repeat. 

Her response was that, "When I'm parking and coming home at night, I don't have time to put the damn car in reverse."

Also, this car is about 9 months old and is the first one she's ever had with the beeping sonar and she hates it. She parks even further away from the side wall because she claims she can't tell the differing lengths of beeps apart. So as soon as it starts beeping she's afraid to go any further. I explained that the the beeping gets faster the closer you get and just to listen for it making a solid tone to know that the car is close enough to the wall.

Her response to that one was, "Those beeps are so damn annoying. I hate them."

Your response: "I can think of something MORE annoying."

[Angry Gorilla 1771]

18 hours ago, AM Wood said:

She only wants to see the ball drop so she can put a pic of it on Facebook.

 

[NeverMarryAStripper 22299]

Wood

[Cheeseweasel 26439]

She makes my balls drop.

[Modessit 5667]

You don’t have YouTube Kids? It works pretty good.

You'd be surprised what you can find on YTKids that a 5 or 2 yr old shouldn't be watching.

[Brew 3049]

Realistically, if you are going to NYC on NYE, you pretty much have to expect that the other person involved is going to want to see the ball drop. Otherwise you just go to some other random city somewhere with bottle service and a party. My wife has mentioned going to NYC over the holidays several times and it’s just a flat no. I know I’ll get drug to Times Square and likely murder someone, so she can go with her friends if she wants. 

[tbone_ 14447]

Realistically, if you are going to NYC on NYE, you pretty much have to expect that the other person involved is going to want to see the ball drop. Otherwise you just go to some other random city somewhere with bottle service and a party. My wife has mentioned going to NYC over the holidays several times and it’s just a flat no. I know I’ll get drug to Times Square and likely murder someone, so she can go with her friends if she wants. 

See, this is marriage shit.

[Goofyboy 3434]

You'd be surprised what you can find on YTKids that a 5 or 2 yr old shouldn't be watching.

I guess we got lucky. Ours never ventured far from what he liked.

[Brew 3049]

You’re not married, so there is technically no requirement to go home with the one you brought. Keep the bottle service party reservation and see how the night plays out.

[Dennis Taylor 19355]

Wife goes to HEB a mile from the house to" get 3 items i need to make some desert" for some hen gathering.  Asks our 9th grade son to go with her even though he still needs to shower, eat, and study for a test....

And hour later, I call to see if they got lost or something..." No, I needed to get some things"

She gets back 45 minutes later with 15 bags of stuff- $130 worth milk, OJ, and other basics that we not only already had in the kitchen fridge but also had the next round of in the laundry room fridge...Oh and $30 worth of Zaxbys  which was great cause you just spent 90 minutes in a 30,000 Sq ft building full of food

[Beau Vine 55867]

^^^^

Once sent my wife to the HEB five minutes from my house to get one ingredient that I needed for the dinner I was already preparing (and the reason why I needed it was that she used the last of it and didn't write it on the grocery list that's on the fridge, so I had no idea we didn't have it).  

Took her 40 minutes to return.  She "saw people that she knew."  

"Did you tell them that your husband is at home waiting for this ingredient so that he can finish dinner for the family?  I guess not.  Maybe you should have?"

TONE.  

[BearCountry11 1234]

Wife and I decided yesterday that we would go to a sports bar to watch Horns play VCU today.  I’m excited because this woman rarely wants to watch sports.  

I get home from work and she immediately tells me she wants to go to this wine bar because she is in the mood for wine and not beer.  I’m pissed because I want to watch the game and this wine bar doesn’t have a tv (wine selection at sports bar is lacking).  After a brief argument we go to the wine bar.  We get our table and my wife orders a fucking Stella Artois.  I stare in disbelief.  

Wife:  “well you were talking about drinking beer so much it made me want a beer!”

 

[BearCountry11 1234]

1 hour ago, Beau Vine said:

^^^^

Once sent my wife to the HEB five minutes from my house to get one ingredient that I needed for the dinner I was already preparing (and the reason why I needed it was that she used the last of it and didn't write it on the grocery list that's on the fridge, so I had no idea we didn't have it).  

Took her 40 minutes to return.  She "saw people that she knew."  

"Did you tell them that your husband is at home waiting for this ingredient so that he can finish dinner for the family?  I guess not.  Maybe you should have?"

TONE.  

This would have made me ragey.  Luckily my wife is pretty quick about the store now.  Did not start that way.  

[Buffsoldier 1895]

1 hour ago, Beau Vine said:

Once sent my wife

Here is the point where you fucked up...

[Beau Vine 55867]

5 minutes ago, Buffsoldier said:

Here is the point where you fucked up...

You do notice the word "once," don't you?

[WhatTheBuck 28930]

1 hour ago, Beau Vine said:

Once sent my wife to the HEB five minutes from my house to get one ingredient that I needed for the dinner I was already preparing (and the reason why I needed it was that she used the last of it and didn't write it on the grocery list that's on the fridge, so I had no idea we didn't have it).  

Took her 40 minutes to return.  She "saw people that she knew."  

"Did you tell them that your husband is at home waiting for this ingredient so that he can finish dinner for the family?  I guess not.  Maybe you should have?"

TONE.  

She meant she "knew" them in the biblical sense. 

Edited December 6, 2018 by WhatTheBuck

[4th and 5 5005]

39 minutes ago, BearCountry11 said:

Wife and I decided yesterday that we would go to a sports bar to watch Horns play VCU today.  I’m excited because this woman rarely wants to watch sports.  

I get home from work and she immediately tells me she wants to go to this wine bar because she is in the mood for wine and not beer.  I’m pissed because I want to watch the game and this wine bar doesn’t have a tv (wine selection at sports bar is lacking).  After a brief argument we go to the wine bar.  We get our table and my wife orders a fucking Stella Artois.  I stare in disbelief.  

Wife:  “well you were talking about drinking beer so much it made me want a beer!”

 

Would you do me a favor? 

Drag your taint across her face while she is sleeping, and then confirm the same here.

it would make me feel better about your post.

[bluto 4997]

58 minutes ago, BearCountry11 said:

Wife and I decided yesterday that we would go to a sports bar to watch Horns play VCU today.  I’m excited because this woman rarely wants to watch sports.  

I get home from work and she immediately tells me she wants to go to this wine bar because she is in the mood for wine and not beer.  I’m pissed because I want to watch the game and this wine bar doesn’t have a tv (wine selection at sports bar is lacking).  After a brief argument we go to the wine bar.  We get our table and my wife orders a fucking Stella Artois.  I stare in disbelief.  

Wife:  “well you were talking about drinking beer so much it made me want a beer!”

 

She just pegged you. 

[NeverMarryAStripper 22299]

It didn't have anything to do with beer or wine.  It was all about her asserting her dominance over you and then rubbing your face in it.  Kind of like when another dog pees in your yard while your dog looks helplessly on through the window.

Edited December 6, 2018 by NeverMarryAStripper

[BearMace 2244]

1 hour ago, BearCountry11 said:

Wife and I decided yesterday that we would go to a sports bar to watch Horns play VCU today.  I’m excited because this woman rarely wants to watch sports.  

I get home from work and she immediately tells me she wants to go to this wine bar because she is in the mood for wine and not beer.  I’m pissed because I want to watch the game and this wine bar doesn’t have a tv (wine selection at sports bar is lacking).  After a brief argument we go to the wine bar.  We get our table and my wife orders a fucking Stella Artois.  I stare in disbelief.  

Wife:  “well you were talking about drinking beer so much it made me want a beer!”

 

How are posting from jail?

[Pato del Muerto 53503]

1 hour ago, Beau Vine said:

You do notice the word "once," don't you?

[Frank The Tank 1503]

I’m sorry man but that’s not being stupid, that’s being a fucking inconsiderate bitch. 

[Mo Horn 8938]

7 hours ago, BearCountry11 said:

Wife and I decided yesterday that we would go to a sports bar to watch Horns play VCU today.  I’m excited because this woman rarely wants to watch sports.  

I get home from work and she immediately tells me she wants to go to this wine bar because she is in the mood for wine and not beer.  I’m pissed because I want to watch the game and this wine bar doesn’t have a tv (wine selection at sports bar is lacking).  After a brief argument we go to the wine bar.  We get our table and my wife orders a fucking Stella Artois.  I stare in disbelief.  

Wife:  “well you were talking about drinking beer so much it made me want a beer!”

 

Her ordering beer aside, the way we played she did you a favor. We played like shit and the game sucked. 

[GottaB 605]

^^^^
Once sent my wife to the HEB five minutes from my house to get one ingredient that I needed for the dinner I was already preparing (and the reason why I needed it was that she used the last of it and didn't write it on the grocery list that's on the fridge, so I had no idea we didn't have it).  
Took her 40 minutes to return.  She "saw people that she knew."  
"Did you tell them that your husband is at home waiting for this ingredient so that he can finish dinner for the family?  I guess not.  Maybe you should have?"
TONE.  

Wife and I decided yesterday that we would go to a sports bar to watch Horns play VCU today.  I’m excited because this woman rarely wants to watch sports.  
I get home from work and she immediately tells me she wants to go to this wine bar because she is in the mood for wine and not beer.  I’m pissed because I want to watch the game and this wine bar doesn’t have a tv (wine selection at sports bar is lacking).  After a brief argument we go to the wine bar.  We get our table and my wife orders a fucking Stella Artois.  I stare in disbelief.  
Wife:  “well you were talking about drinking beer so much it made me want a beer!”
 

Back to back winners here. Though these both would make me rage.

After the Stella arrived, I would have called for the check. Got back In the car and dragged her to the nearest bar with a television.

[deadshank 24654]

2 minutes ago, GottaB said:

After the Stella arrived, I would have called for the check. Got back In the car and dragged her to the nearest bar with a television.

 

 

You would not have done a damn thing.