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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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NWBuck

NWBuck 8571

Posted
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2 hours ago, Pogo said:

I know this isn't the "how to help your marriage thread," but I have significantly cut down on these kinds of issues.  When she starts complaining about something, I stop her and ask if she wants me to fix something or just listen.  Knowing the expectations before the rant really gets rolling helps.  If all she want to do is release anger, I have no problem letting her release anger TO me.  I will not be baited into letting her release anger AT me.

I've also found success from the Shaggy/Surly recommendation to ask womenfolk in my life to "say the last part first"

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G650

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Posted
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1 hour ago, BearSchlong said:
2 hours ago, shakahorn said:
On top of all of that, on right-hand drive vehicles, the gas brake (and clutch if applicable) are in the same relative position as they are on left-hand drive vehicles.  Not like you needed any more ammo.

Thank you. I was actually wondering about that.

The hardest part is the gear shift and window controls are on the opposite side. Muscle memory is a bitch.

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lateshow

lateshow 1304

Posted
Posted
On 12/14/2018 at 12:17 PM, Tylerocks said:

Wife loves to leave things open.

I came home for lunch and to let the dogs out.  Three kitchen drawers were open.  2 cabinets.

Go to the fridge....yep, not closed all the way. Shit was at 52 deg.

If there were a hidden camera in our house, I wonder how many times it would catch me :jagsfanning to nobody.

 

addendum- she also doesn't screw caps on things all the way tight.

Strange, because she gives a great handjob. 

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hullabelew

hullabelew 3724

Posted
Posted
21 minutes ago, Chewbacca said:

Why 3 soaps by the sink?  And why are there Christmas lights on the mirror?  The TP doesn't even register for me anymore.  Just put it on yourself.  At least that way, you can make sure it's on properly.

1) Soaps?  Because women.  I don't even think there is any soap on the Christmas tree one.

2) Lights on mirror?  See answer to number 1. 

What isn't shown are the tiny Christmas towels that are about 1/2 the size of a wash cloth.  Useless.  I usually throw a couple of them away every year, but they keep multiplying.   

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hullabelew

hullabelew 3724

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2 minutes ago, ABSR said:

What are you upset about?  Normal SOP in my household is the toilet roll with only 2 pieces of paper on it is the only toilet paper within 50 feet of the bathroom.   You are one lucky bastard!

Also what isn't show is the 'cute decorative box' on the back of the toilet.  It used to never have anything in it.  Just an empty box, so I stashed 2 rolls of toilet paper in there so when she runs out of the stash under the sink, I have the emergency stash.  If I deploy any of the emergency rolls, I immediately go upstairs and replace from the mother ship.  She knows nothing of the 2 emergency rolls.   Do the same thing with house keys.  She knows of one that is hidden outside but not the other one.  

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luke duke

luke duke 6413

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I know this isn't the "how to help your marriage thread," but I have significantly cut down on these kinds of issues.  When she starts complaining about something, I stop her and ask if she wants me to fix something or just listen.  Knowing the expectations before the rant really gets rolling helps.  If all she want to do is release anger, I have no problem letting her release anger TO me.  I will not be baited into letting her release anger AT me.


I just ignore most of what my wife says the first time. If she wants a response from me, she’ll repeat herself.
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Telegraph_it

Telegraph_it 3358

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3 hours ago, BearSchlong said:
4 hours ago, shakahorn said:
On top of all of that, on right-hand drive vehicles, the gas brake (and clutch if applicable) are in the same relative position as they are on left-hand drive vehicles.  Not like you needed any more ammo.

Thank you. I was actually wondering about that.

Hahaha. Yes, I did not even mention that to her. I was still struggling with the concept that she saw a vehicle with the driver on the right side drive by in a few seconds and she immediately blurted that out. 

Then again this is the same person who did not know Texas was its own republic and her first time outside of the state happened in college. 

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Apep

Apep 645

Posted
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1 hour ago, luke duke said:

 


I just ignore most of what my wife says the first time. If she wants a response from me, she’ll repeat herself.

I ignore much of what my wife says, but I have learned to repeat back the last few sentences without paying attention. This also allows me to identify if she says anything important.

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8811

Posted
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On 12/13/2018 at 7:53 AM, G650 said:

 

I think half my life is spent scraping eggs off of skillets.

Oh mercy, this reminds me of one my wife pulled

She was hard boiling some eggs for a large batch of chicken salad while we were sitting on the back porch enjoying the evening. The next thing you know is we heard pop pop pop pop pop and wondered what in the hell was going on in the house. We went and looked around and went in the kitchen to discover she had left the eggs boil dry and they had exploded like little firecrackers. There was an egg and egg shells plastered all over the ceiling walls cabinets everything. I offered to help her clean it up but she didn't know that was her fault her problem.

The strange thing I'll never figure out is why the kitchen smell like BBQ for 3 days from the eggs exploding. You would have sworn I smoked something in the kitchen over Mesquite.

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Mole

Mole 4333

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Posted

We’re heading out of town for the holidays. We don’t fly because we’ve missed too many flights. It’s a 10-12 hour drive to her family’s house. I woke up at about 6 and was told that she could leave “whenever I wanted.” It’s after 1pm and I’m still on the couch. After everything is done, I predict a 2pm departure. I might be too optimistic.

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B00M

B00M 6423

Posted
Posted
23 hours ago, Telegraph_it said:

All so you can send cards to people you do not like that shows you can get the entire family to smile together for a couple of seconds. 

I asked my wife if we could maybe narrow down the distribution list since some of those people we do not talk to at all anymore. She looked at me like I was insane. Once you are on the list you cannot be removed apparently. 

 

So the wife had some christmas cards made for the 1st time ever. We have a million great pics (that we took) to choose from this year. As we're looking at the 6 pics on the card, i see a bad picture of me with our daughters from halloween, "I don't like the way i look here." She quickly responds, "me neither... but aren't the girls super cute?!" I asked her if she knew you could crop pics. I'm sure they were mailed out the next day.

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Mole said:

We’re heading out of town for the holidays. We don’t fly because we’ve missed too many flights. It’s a 10-12 hour drive to her family’s house. I woke up at about 6 and was told that she could leave “whenever I wanted.” It’s after 1pm and I’m still on the couch. After everything is done, I predict a 2pm departure. I might be too optimistic.

I think I've figured out why...

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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 21909

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Mole said:

We’re heading out of town for the holidays. We don’t fly because we’ve missed too many flights. It’s a 10-12 hour drive to her family’s house. I woke up at about 6 and was told that she could leave “whenever I wanted.” It’s after 1pm and I’m still on the couch. After everything is done, I predict a 2pm departure. I might be too optimistic.

That shit is on you for enabling her

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Tylerocks

Tylerocks 2553

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, Telegraph_it said:

I like when she is talking to me while walking into the other room. Yea, nope, did not catch that last part. 

Mine is the opposite....I'm walking out..halfway down the stairs or down the hall, she decides to start another conversation.

 

Another:

Claiming to lose shit about 10 seconds after starting to look for it.

 

Her- scan's the kitchen counter...."Babe, I lost my sunglasses.  Have you seen them?"  "Great!  my nice sunglasses, just gone!"

Me- walks in and finds them within 30 seconds.  "Here ya go."

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Kwix

Kwix 2191

Posted
Posted
On 12/17/2018 at 12:48 PM, Telegraph_it said:

All so you can send cards to people you do not like that shows you can get the entire family to smile together for a couple of seconds. 

I asked my wife if we could maybe narrow down the distribution list since some of those people we do not talk to at all anymore. She looked at me like I was insane. Once you are on the list you cannot be removed apparently. 

Normally I'm annoyed at how lazy my wife is. Not today. 

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8817

Posted
Posted
We’re heading out of town for the holidays. We don’t fly because we’ve missed too many flights. It’s a 10-12 hour drive to her family’s house. I woke up at about 6 and was told that she could leave “whenever I wanted.” It’s after 1pm and I’m still on the couch. After everything is done, I predict a 2pm departure. I might be too optimistic.
I think youre leaving out some juicy stories about the missing flights thing
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Judge Roybeanbag

Judge Roybeanbag 11819

Posted
Posted
22 hours ago, BurntEyes said:

Towels (particularly small useless ones), soap dispensers, glasses out are at least three very clear examples of Gremlins in the house hold. They multiply by simply existing. 

Removing them is akin to feeding them after midnight. They return with a vengance.

I have the opposite problem with towels, although it's my fault for not having learned by now.  When my wife does laundry she goes around and takes all the towels from the towel racks and sinks etc, but doesn't bother to replace them with a clean one from the cabinet.  So invariably I go to wash my hands and end up drying them on her robe hanging by the shower.

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You don't know me

You don't know me 1161

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On 12/18/2018 at 8:44 AM, Telegraph_it said:

I like when she is talking to me while walking into the other room. Yea, nope, did not catch that last part. 

I have some (maybe a lot) hearing loss.  For most of the last decade I have had to ask her to repeat things that she says from another room.  I have finally learned that the best thing to do is ignore it.  If it's important and she expected an answer, she'll find me.

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Charles DeMar

Charles DeMar 221

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Posted
1 hour ago, You don't know me said:

I have some (maybe a lot) hearing loss.  For most of the last decade I have had to ask her to repeat things that she says from another room.  I have finally learned that the best thing to do is ignore it.  If it's important and she expected an answer, she'll find me.

I get that, but if I were to attempt, I would get "well, I told you (details xyz) the other day.  I guess you weren't listening, like always!"

jaguarsfan.gif

 

 

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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12470

Posted
Posted
On 12/18/2018 at 12:12 PM, Mole said:

We’re heading out of town for the holidays. We don’t fly because we’ve missed too many flights. It’s a 10-12 hour drive to her family’s house. I woke up at about 6 and was told that she could leave “whenever I wanted.” It’s after 1pm and I’m still on the couch. After everything is done, I predict a 2pm departure. I might be too optimistic.

If I were you I would be imprisoned or divorced.

I realize I'm probably the other extreme, but holy fuck there is nothing, I mean NOTHING, that pisses me off more than the perpetually late.

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T’Boo Ted Marshall

T’Boo Ted Marshall 2736

Posted
Posted
I have the opposite problem with towels, although it's my fault for not having learned by now.  When my wife does laundry she goes around and takes all the towels from the towel racks and sinks etc, but doesn't bother to replace them with a clean one from the cabinet.  So invariably I go to wash my hands and end up drying them on her robe hanging by the shower.

I pointed this out on TOS and was lambasted for it. My how the times have changed.
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luke duke

luke duke 6413

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I posted this a few years ago on the old site. It needs to live on.

 

 

So I'm in a meeting at work and my wife starts blowing up my phone, so I step out of the meeting and talk to her 

 

Wife: I just ran over a cone and now its stuck under the car and I can't get it out. I'm dragging it around and everyone is looking at me.

Me: Go put two wheels up on the curb and you should be able to remove it.

Wife: OK, I'll try that

hangup

 

I go back in the meeting and start to think about it. She was driving my truck with a 4" lift, so I wonder how in the hell would it be possible to get a cone stuck underneath it?!? I plan to call her after the meeting and figure out what's going on. Then she texts me a picture. She's obviously proud that she has removed the "cone" from underneath the vehicle.

5d8992024a7914686b09983802213173.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Buffsoldier

Buffsoldier 1895

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, luke duke said:

So I'm in a meeting at work and my wife starts blowing up my phone, so I step out of the meeting and talk to her 

 

Wife: I just ran over a cone and now its stuck under the car and I can't get it out. I'm dragging it around and everyone is looking at me.

Me: Go put two wheels up on the curb and you should be able to remove it.

Wife: OK, I'll try that

hangup

 

I go back in the meeting and start to think about it. She was driving my truck with a 4" lift, so I wonder how in the hell would it be possible to get a cone stuck underneath it?!? I plan to call her after the meeting and figure out what's going on. Then she texts me a picture. She's obviously proud that she has removed the "cone" from underneath the vehicle.

5d8992024a7914686b09983802213173.jpg

"Give me your fucking phone.  You get this back in a month."

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UT_OB1

UT_OB1 2224

Posted
Posted (edited)
13 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I have the opposite problem with towels, although it's my fault for not having learned by now.  When my wife does laundry she goes around and takes all the towels from the towel racks and sinks etc, but doesn't bother to replace them with a clean one from the cabinet.  So invariably I go to wash my hands and end up drying them on her robe hanging by the shower.

Towel racks?  With towels on them?  And you have to replace them when she does laundry?  I don’t want to hear it. We have no less than 10 towels, wet, on the floor ALL. OVER. THE. HOUSE.  Most are on the floor in the bathroom, but a handful will be in the middle of the bedroom floor, living room, hallway, or kitchen. And these aren’t  towels the kids left out. 

 

Oh, and “I spent all day doing laundry I’m exhausted” means 2-4 loads were transported from the bedroom, washed, dried, and piled on the spare bedroom to be left until I fold them and put them away. 

Edited by UT_OB1
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