Jump to content

Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
in Lulz

 Share

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 22.5k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Popular Posts

McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

Posted Images

troph

troph 24789

Posted
Posted
Oh boy.  The storm clouds of a fight are brewing.
The Avatar is on some natural food kick for the dogs.  Bought some shit that comes in individual packets and needs to be frozen after x number of days.  Ok.  That’s her gig.  Go for it.
My dog is on meds for a mast tumor issue (pretty much under control); however, she does get meds twice a day.  The preferred delivery method is wrapped in lunch meat.  The packaged stuff.  Same that I throw on my sandwich.
So I am on my way to the store this morning and ask the Avatar if she needs anything.
A:  We need lunch meat.
M: What happened to all the turkey from the deli counter?
A:  Used it for pills.
M: Well if I am getting lunch meat for dogs, I’m getting the cheap budding stuff.
A: No.  It has to be free range no hormones no additives grass fed (insert whatever additional criteria here)
M:  ???? Just so I understand.  You want me to buy premium lunch meat for the dogs?
A:  Fine.  I’ll do it myself.

Just get pregnant and have a kid, then all that added expense will quintuple and be applied to the kiddo. But at least you can go back to feeding the dogs shit food.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2306

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted (edited)

Ms CL tells me over the weekend, "I have a low tire, can you put air in it?"

It was an inopportune time to tell me this, so I promptly forgot. (I fully admit that I need to be nagged about stuff like this because I'm not going to remember her saying it as I'm walking into a gym to coach a basketball game or whatever... I don't drive her car every day - I don't seen the warning lights to remind me)

She goes to the gym early this morning and comes in the front door instead of the garage. Can you please take my car to put air in the tire? It's starting to make a noise it's so low." (oh shit) I knew right away what I was going to find. 

One look at it and it's flat. The warning message in the car says, "Loss of pressure in tire. Proceed with extreme caution." Run flats and there is no spare. I'm driving out of the neighborhood and it's making the BUMP-BUMP-BUMP-BUMP noise of a flat tire. Jesus Christ. She drove on it all weekend up and down the freeway like this, including this morning to the gym. 

I take it to the local Buccees to put air in it (the fuel light was also on, so I filled that up) and plan on taking it to the dealer this morning. Get it home and I can hear the air hissing out of it. 

"How long has it been like that?"

"Since last Saturday" (a WEEK like this)

"And did you have the same message? Loss of pressure"

"Yeah, but it's run flat so I figured it wasn't that big a deal."

My guess is that we're looking at at least two new run flat tires and that it will run about $800-1000 installed and balanced at the damn dealership. Sometimes if you catch those things early they can be patched, but not after a whole fucking week. 

SMDH

FWIW, some of you from the old site might remember the story of her calling me from the parking garage of the OB-GYN's office that she had "hit something" and kept on driving because she didn't want to miss her appointment, could I please come change out her tire. I got there to find this:

Shredded%20Tire.JPG

 

That car was a $24k 2003 Honda Accord. This car is a $70k Audi Q7. Some things never change except the price tag of her stupidity. 

Edited by crimsonlonghorn
  • Like 10
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Sandman

Sandman 3403

Posted
Posted

I don't work on Fridays and that's the day I do laundry. Why do I do it? Because I want it to get done. I gather up the hampers and do all of the laundry. Wife can't understand why I don't try to decode her piles of clothes on the bed and on her dresser and wash what she wants washed. I told her it's simple: put the clothes you are done with and want washed into the hamper. How am I supposed to know what's dirty? Tone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
JimmyHoffa

JimmyHoffa 1188

Posted
Posted
On 2/2/2019 at 10:24 AM, Upgrayedd said:

Oh boy.  The storm clouds of a fight are brewing.

The Avatar is on some natural food kick for the dogs.  Bought some shit that comes in individual packets and needs to be frozen after x number of days.  Ok.  That’s her gig.  Go for it.

My dog is on meds for a mast tumor issue (pretty much under control); however, she does get meds twice a day.  The preferred delivery method is wrapped in lunch meat.  The packaged stuff.  Same that I throw on my sandwich.

So I am on my way to the store this morning and ask the Avatar if she needs anything.

A:  We need lunch meat.

M: What happened to all the turkey from the deli counter?

A:  Used it for pills.

M: Well if I am getting lunch meat for dogs, I’m getting the cheap budding stuff.

A: No.  It has to be free range no hormones no additives grass fed (insert whatever additional criteria here)

M:  ???? Just so I understand.  You want me to buy premium lunch meat for the dogs?

A:  Fine.  I’ll do it myself.

 

Cheap peanut butter for the win. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Upgrayedd

Upgrayedd 5810

Posted
Posted
On 2/2/2019 at 9:37 AM, tbone_ said:

Wait. You are the one going to the store?

I do the cooking.  She does the cleanup.  She can't cook for shit.  It's better this way, trust me.

18 hours ago, B1G said:

And making your own sandwiches?

This she can do and does.

14 hours ago, RoundRobin said:

Probably jerking himself off too. 

This she can do and does; however, if you want it done right . . .

2 hours ago, JimmyHoffa said:

 

Cheap peanut butter for the win. 

Dog doesn't like peanut butter.  Go figure.  Dog is extremely adept at eating the delivery food and spitting out the pills.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Upgrayedd

Upgrayedd 5810

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

My point was that if you were going the store why was there debate about what to get?

 

Well I suppose I could have picked up the cheap stuff; however, my experience with the "Fine, I'll do it myself" line is that there are some repercussions (unwarranted as they may be).  Just wanted to avoid that bullshit.

I picked up standard stuff.  No arguments.  In fact, she has come to the realization that the whole natural food thing for the dogs (with the individually packaged meals) may not be best anyway.  Coincidentally, the company wanted $220 for the next month's supply and I opted out of that contribution.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Thatguy

Thatguy 8692

Posted
Posted

   Built a theater room out of our upstairs gameroom. Go down to the local spot to see theater home theater showroom. She okays the projector and such but puts the veto on the built in wall/ceiling speakers. We sit down for the inaugural theater room movie night and she starts commenting on how the speakers look like shit sitting out like that.

 

Me.....

 

tumblr_n6zdmspPiE1skh0gdo1_400.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Modessit

Modessit 5600

Posted
Posted
Well I suppose I could have picked up the cheap stuff; however, my experience with the "Fine, I'll do it myself" line is that there are some repercussions (unwarranted as they may be).  Just wanted to avoid that bullshit.
I picked up standard stuff.  No arguments.  In fact, she has come to the realization that the whole natural food thing for the dogs (with the individually packaged meals) may not be best anyway.  Coincidentally, the company wanted $220 for the next month's supply and I opted out of that contribution.  
Just keep the old expensive food bag and put the cheap food in it. The dogs won't be able to tell.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
ABSR

ABSR 5311

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Modessit said:
4 hours ago, Upgrayedd said:
Well I suppose I could have picked up the cheap stuff; however, my experience with the "Fine, I'll do it myself" line is that there are some repercussions (unwarranted as they may be).  Just wanted to avoid that bullshit.
I picked up standard stuff.  No arguments.  In fact, she has come to the realization that the whole natural food thing for the dogs (with the individually packaged meals) may not be best anyway.  Coincidentally, the company wanted $220 for the next month's supply and I opted out of that contribution.  

Just keep the old expensive food bag and put the cheap food in it. The dogs won't be able to tell.

I think he just called your wife a dog.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
William_Cannon

William_Cannon 86

Posted
Posted
Funny story about that rug. Several months ago my SIL wanted to come visit. My wife asks me if she can bring her dog and if the dog can be in the house. I said of course. SIL shows up with her dog and 8 puppies no more than 3 weeks old. Wife knew about the puppies but forgot to let me know about that little detail.

Guess who got to go buy the cheapest rug they could find so the dogs could stay in the garage?

Got that beat. My wife I went away for the weekend. She had my MIL come stay at the house to watch the kids. Bad idea jeans. Now, my MIL doesn’t come to visit often because the amount of emotional baggage and complications she brings is ridic.
To minimize this, I offered to pay to kennel her dogs but she proceeds to tell me that they can’t be kenneled because one has a liver problem so it can’t get the kennel cough shot. So why not board one? Because they get lonely when separated. They’re house trained right? Of course my wife tells me.

We get home from our trip and the kids proceed to tell me how stressful it was with Grammy. That she let her dogs do whatever they wanted and that one of them pee’d in the house. My first reaction was, ok a dog had an accident... That’s ok. After all, my wife verified the dogs were house broken so it couldn’t have been that bad...right? Well one of her little shitty dogs pissed on our new rug not once, not twice, but six times!!! In the same spot! Six fucking times!

Of course after reading Mitch’s epic threads, I gain a little perspective... Thanks for sharing, Mitch.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9381

Posted
Posted
8 hours ago, William_Cannon said:


Got that beat. My wife I went away for the weekend. She had my MIL come stay at the house to watch the kids. Bad idea jeans. Now, my MIL doesn’t come to visit often because the amount of emotional baggage and complications she brings is ridic.
To minimize this, I offered to pay to kennel her dogs but she proceeds to tell me that they can’t be kenneled because one has a liver problem so it can’t get the kennel cough shot. So why not board one? Because they get lonely when separated. They’re house trained right? Of course my wife tells me.

We get home from our trip and the kids proceed to tell me how stressful it was with Grammy. That she let her dogs do whatever they wanted and that one of them pee’d in the house. My first reaction was, ok a dog had an accident... That’s ok. After all, my wife verified the dogs were house broken so it couldn’t have been that bad...right? Well one of her little shitty dogs pissed on our new rug not once, not twice, but six times!!! In the same spot! Six fucking times!

Of course after reading Mitch’s epic threads, I gain a little perspective... Thanks for sharing, Mitch.
 

Would have been cheaper to kennel the kids and tell the MIL to stay home.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
JSB

JSB 677

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Thatguy said:

Klipsch.............either way

Good brand, but they vary widely. Unless the in-walls have a built in enclosure, you are going to get much better sound (especially for the money) from free-standing speakers. I've got a Klipsch setup myself, and am very happy with them. For my rears and sides though, I went with on-wall speakers. 

sorry for the derail. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Eugene11

Eugene11 379

Posted
Posted (edited)
5 hours ago, JSB said:

Thank your wife. I have no idea what speakers you ended up buying, but they are better than whatever in wall speakers you wanted. 

This is wrong. There are plenty of great in wall/ceiling speakers out there. There are also a bunch that are better then "whatever speakers you ended up buying" That leaves it pretty open.... Again there are a bunch of great built ins  esp. with an enclosure like someone above said.  unless of course my sarcasm meter is broken and we are giving him shit for letting his wife have a say then point excepted!

Edited by Eugene11
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Mitch Cumsteen

Mitch Cumsteen 18549

Posted
Posted
21 hours ago, William_Cannon said:

Of course after reading Mitch’s epic threads, I gain a little perspective... Thanks for sharing, Mitch.
 

Sorry to interrupt the hi-fi talk but I don't think I ever talked about my mother in law. Like, for instance, the time at the ranch she gave the keys to her suburban to typhoon mary's 12 year old son and his friend and they promptly got it stuck in the mud. Miracle those kids didn't kill themselves or someone else. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Thatguy

Thatguy 8692

Posted
Posted
13 hours ago, tbone_ said:

My point was why the hell would you discuss home theater design specs with her.

   This is the point I understood. However, we have a couple base rules in our household. You don't touch MY garage, tools, or hotrods, and I won't do any upgrades in YOUR house without first running it past you. I honestly don't give a shit where the speakers are placed. The only people that are going to be in that room are neighborhood kids(who also don't give a shit) and us.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Nivek

Nivek 16928

Posted
Posted
Bumping thread for posterity.  There’s no way 4 days have gone by without spousal idiocy 

Fine. I make breakfast for the kids. Wife chooses the minute before his breakfast is ready to decide to take him out for a haircut and threatens to not do it if he stays and eats. He chooses to eat.

His ant farm got knocked over, I help him fix it, and connect the top section to the bottom. The sand was very dry so I add a dab of water to the top. Wife has suddenly become the expert on ants and tells me the 1/8 dosage I am adding is too much and I am going to drown the ants.

She complains about the toys being on the floor. So she cleans it up. Toddler comes in and dumps it all on the floor. Then she cleans it up. Toddler comes back in and dumps it. I chortle. I put the toddler to bed and fall asleep. I wake up and the toys are still on the floor.
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Fudge Nuggets

Fudge Nuggets 19190

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Nivek said:


Fine. I make breakfast for the kids. Wife chooses the minute before his breakfast is ready to decide to take him out for a haircut and threatens to not do it if he stays and eats. He chooses to eat.

His ant farm got knocked over, I help him fix it, and connect the top section to the bottom. The sand was very dry so I add a dab of water to the top. Wife has suddenly become the expert on ants and tells me the 1/8 dosage I am adding is too much and I am going to drown the ants.

She complains about the toys being on the floor. So she cleans it up. Toddler comes in and dumps it all on the floor. Then she cleans it up. Toddler comes back in and dumps it. I chortle. I put the toddler to bed and fall asleep. I wake up and the toys are still on the floor.

Did the ants have a good time?  Asking for dirtbike.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing


Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business and Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Subscribe!... Donate!... Advertise... COOKIE MONSTER!

×
×
  • Create New...