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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5211

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Your front speakers should absolutely be modular in their own cabinets, the best you can afford.  The surrounds do not carry the frequencies or the power of impact so they do not necessarily have to be of the same standard.  Always put the most money in the speakers you are facing.  The ones beside you or behind you are for effects and sometimes do not have a bit of signal passing through them.

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McCroskey
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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18818

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much like cardinal directions, thermostats, or finances, the wife has no concept of how the syndication of TV shows work. If a show she watches that is still current on a network comes on an independent channel, utter confusion ensues..." I thought that came on Thursdays? Why is that kid so small now? Why didn't the DVR start?"        

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crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2306

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Last Sunday Ms CL told me she wanted to go to our farm and clean out around her vegetable garden, could I please get the weedeater out and make sure it has gas and is runs? I thought it was a dumb idea and had other stuff to do but she was very determined and clearly willing to turn it into a bigger fight if I didn't comply. ("Goddamit all you do on the weekend is go to the gun club and baseball practice and when you do work you are messing with stuff that doesn't need to be done, so I'll just do this myself....")

So I drive out there and mess around with it for about 10 minutes and get it running, then put it down on the concrete and leave it for her and text her a picture to show it's ready:

Weedeater%201.JPG

 

Here is a picture of the weedeater from yesterday, Sunday, a week later:

Weedeater%202.JPG

 

Edited by crimsonlonghorn
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52-80

52-80 19153

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15 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

much like cardinal directions, thermostats, or finances, the wife has no concept of how the syndication of TV shows work. If a show she watches that is still current on a network comes on an independent channel, utter confusion ensues..." I thought that came on Thursdays? Why is that kid so small now? Why didn't the DVR start?"        

i dont know how tv syndication works.  is that wrong?

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crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2306

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47 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Is the weed eater (and tractor, quad, trailer, field mower) at the farm in that pic?  So you had to drive over there to set it up? Or is all that stuff in your back yard?

My yard is tiny at home. All my toys (including the big lawn equipment like that trimmer) stay at the farm. 

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Clintonaldo

Clintonaldo 2574

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On 2/4/2019 at 9:15 AM, crimsonlonghorn said:

Ms CL tells me over the weekend, "I have a low tire, can you put air in it?"

It was an inopportune time to tell me this, so I promptly forgot. (I fully admit that I need to be nagged about stuff like this because I'm not going to remember her saying it as I'm walking into a gym to coach a basketball game or whatever... I don't drive her car every day - I don't seen the warning lights to remind me)

She goes to the gym early this morning and comes in the front door instead of the garage. Can you please take my car to put air in the tire? It's starting to make a noise it's so low." (oh shit) I knew right away what I was going to find. 

One look at it and it's flat. The warning message in the car says, "Loss of pressure in tire. Proceed with extreme caution." Run flats and there is no spare. I'm driving out of the neighborhood and it's making the BUMP-BUMP-BUMP-BUMP noise of a flat tire. Jesus Christ. She drove on it all weekend up and down the freeway like this, including this morning to the gym. 

I take it to the local Buccees to put air in it (the fuel light was also on, so I filled that up) and plan on taking it to the dealer this morning. Get it home and I can hear the air hissing out of it. 

"How long has it been like that?"

"Since last Saturday" (a WEEK like this)

"And did you have the same message? Loss of pressure"

"Yeah, but it's run flat so I figured it wasn't that big a deal."

My guess is that we're looking at at least two new run flat tires and that it will run about $800-1000 installed and balanced at the damn dealership. Sometimes if you catch those things early they can be patched, but not after a whole fucking week. 

SMDH

FWIW, some of you from the old site might remember the story of her calling me from the parking garage of the OB-GYN's office that she had "hit something" and kept on driving because she didn't want to miss her appointment, could I please come change out her tire. I got there to find this:

Shredded%20Tire.JPG

 

That car was a $24k 2003 Honda Accord. This car is a $70k Audi Q7. Some things never change except the price tag of her stupidity. 

I will never forget your Honda story as it had me in tears. I believe not only did she keep driving it but she drove it to the top of the parking garage. Anytime I see you post in this thread I know it’s going to be good. I was like Ralphie sitting by the radio when I saw this was about a car again. 

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

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11 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Quick and simple:

last thursday text from the airport as she’s leaving “it’s -12 out right now!!!”

this morning as she gets back to town “my car battery is dead. Was it cold while I was gone?”

I'm guessing it was "interior light left on for a week" degrees outside.

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17554

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14 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Quick and simple:

last thursday text from the airport as she’s leaving “it’s -12 out right now!!!”

this morning as she gets back to town “my car battery is dead. Was it cold while I was gone?”

I sure as hell you replied back with her own text about it being -12.

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Victorious1

Victorious1 140

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Last night I get home, eat dinner, go upstairs and turn on the TV and there is a Directv error code 775 bad connection between satellite dish and receiver. I check the coax cable connections, the HDMI connections and pulling the power cable to reset and nothing works.  I have several movies recorded so I turn them on and head to bed after 9pm.

At 5:30am this morning I walk in the family room and the wife is checking the connections at the TV (in other words, fucking shit up).

Me:  "What's up with Directv?"

Wife:  "You need to go outside and check the satellite dish and connections, that's what the error code says".

Me:  "I'm not checking in the dark, I'll have a look at lunch time."

At lunch time I grab a ladder and the satellite is bolted down super tight and all the connections are secure but it dawned on me the wife was painting walls in the kitchen earlier in the week and had unscrewed some outlets.  So I go inside and check the combo outlet with a coax cable and phone cable and sure enough, the coax cable is loose at the connection.

Me:  "Nothing wrong outside".

Wife:  "Directv is coming out at 8am in the morning.  They had promo's so I signed up for free this and free that, all for $8.95 a month".

Me:  "The coax cable is loose on the kitchen outlet."

Wife:  "THAT CABLE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE TV.  IT'S FOR THE INTERNET AND PHONE CONNECTIONS".  (Like she's some kind of expert electrician).

I walk into our bedroom and the TV fires up normal...

Me:  "TV in the bedroom works fine now".

Wife turns on the family room TV and it fires up...

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54219

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So I was planning to stay home today to catch up on some reading. Once the temperatures got into the 80s, I decided to do that in the hammock outside. So I go to the garage, grab the hammock, and start to open the gate, but then I noticed that there's a lock on it.

I call the wife at work and ask about the lock. "Oh, I meant to tell you about that," she said.

" maybe you could tell me the combination, so I don't have to hop the fence to get in the yard?" I said.

I'm just going to stop right there, because y'all know how this ends, don't you?

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ABSR

ABSR 5311

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2 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

So I was planning to stay home today to catch up on some reading. Once the temperatures got into the 80s, I decided to do that in the hammock outside. So I go to the garage, grab the hammock, and start to open the gate, but then I noticed that there's a lock on it.

I call the wife at work and ask about the lock. "Oh, I meant to tell you about that," she said.

" maybe you could tell me the combination, so I don't have to hop the fence to get in the yard?" I said.

I'm just going to stop right there, because y'all know how this ends, don't you?

You bought a bolt cutter.

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burntorangebongos

burntorangebongos 10710

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On 1/29/2019 at 8:14 AM, Upgrayedd said:

I make a pot of coffee for the Avatar and me every morning.  Every morning I take a cup, wait for the Avatar to take hers, then finish the pot (usually a full cup).  Everyday, same system.

Except for this morning.  “You hog, you took all the coffee!”

”Wait, I saw you in there getting coffee.  Did I not make enough?”

”I used a smaller cup today.”

”How is that my fault?”

”You should have asked.”

”So ask 48,000 times in anticipation for that one day, today, where you would use a smaller cup?”

Tone

heehee, she has got it so easy in the mornings that she can bitch at you about her mistake of using a too small cup. Life sounds pretty good for your avatar. Her royal highness was displeased.

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