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Aggy Hype Rollercoaster 2019 Edition

TexArcher

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TexArcher

TexArcher 37774

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This is gonna be long, but I'm bored and avoiding work.

It's usually a mostly steady uptick as they beat up on cream puffs and roll out to a 5-1 or 4-2 first half before the wheels fall off and the gnashing of tooth begins.

I think this year there will be a lot more zig-zags:

They'll pound Texas St.  "It's finally our year, praise Jimbo and White Jesus!"

They'll get pounded by Clemson.  "I'm not worried.  It was a road loss against an NFL caliber team and there's a lot to learn from that game that'll help us beat Bama at Kyle."

They'll pound Lamar.  "See, Cletus, I told y'all it was our year.  I can't believe we're only #21.  We might be the best 2-1 team ever."

They'll lose a heartbreaker at home to Auburn.  "God dammit.  Nobody beats us at Kyle.  Auburn must be way better than people thought.  But we can still win out and make the playoff."

They'll beat Arkansas by something like 28-24.  "Not pretty, but a road win in the SEC is something only four or five teams in the whole country are capable of.  I can't believe we're 16-point underdogs to Bama.  Nobody beats us at Kyle!"

Bama beats them at Kyle by 31.  "Well, shit, Cletus.  What are ya gonna do?  But we're still looking like a 9-3 team headed to a New Year's Six bowl."

Aggy rolls up wins against Ole Miss, Miss St, and UTSA.  They're 6-3 and ranked again.  "Gig 'em, bitches!  Farmers Fight!  This team has come such a long way - I'm telling ya, Cletus, if we could start the season over with these fine young men playing this well, we'd be 9-0."

South Carolina upsets aggy at Kyle.  "Fucking refs, god dammit!"

Aggy loses by 28 at Georgia.  "Hold me, Cletus."

Aggy loses by 28 at LSU to finish 6-6.  "I fucking TOLD you Jimbo wasn't the guy, Cletus!  Like 80% of our roster will start in the NFL and we're going to the god damned Liberty Bowl.  If we don't win at least 12 next season, it's time to call Belichick."

I hate aggy, a lot.  But I also love those delusional little weirdos.  It's gonna be a fun year.

(And fuck you, texags)

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Walden Ponderer

Walden Ponderer 12639

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Posted

So funny, really, that every year a thread like this gets started, when it's not really necessary. Not thread policing here, just pointing out the obvious: no matter the subject, if it's aggy we're talking about, they will be doing things with typical aggy lack-of-elan, and they'll hype the hell out of their own incompetence.

Here's a good example -- they hype up their "Visualization Lab" as if it's some sort of cutting edge sci-fi lab for the future of Hollywood. In reality, it's just a "Who's Who of 'Who?'" -- you get more actual hires in Hollywood out of various junior colleges across the country.

But check out their hype:

 

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Chopper

Chopper 17230

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22 minutes ago, Walden Ponderer said:

So funny, really, that every year a thread like this gets started, when it's not really necessary. Not thread policing here, just pointing out the obvious: no matter the subject, if it's aggy we're talking about, they will be doing things with typical aggy lack-of-elan, and they'll hype the hell out of their own incompetence.

Here's a good example -- they hype up their "Visualization Lab" as if it's some sort of cutting edge sci-fi lab for the future of Hollywood. In reality, it's just a "Who's Who of 'Who?'" -- you get more actual hires in Hollywood out of various junior colleges across the country.

But check out their hype:

 

I couldn't get past the first 10 seconds. Talk about a yawn fest.

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TexArcher

TexArcher 37774

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4 minutes ago, Chopper said:

I couldn't get past the first 10 seconds. Talk about a yawn fest.

Then you didn't get to the part where the aggy are taking over Hollywood.  Like I'm sure Christopher Nolan is set up right outside that 800 square foot lab hoping to land some aggy computer nerds for Inception 2, or he just won't even bother making it.

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lemonandaturd

lemonandaturd 4285

Posted
Posted (edited)

They will beat Texas State, but Jake Spavital will make it competitive into the 3rd quarter.  Lamar will get stomped.  Beaumont holla.  7-5 or 6-6 would be a pretty good bet.  7-5 most likely because of Arky and Boom crapping the bed.  Losses- LSU, Bama, Clemson, Auburn, Georgia.  

Edited by lemonandaturd
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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8806

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Posted
1 hour ago, TexArcher said:

This is gonna be long, but I'm bored and avoiding work.

It's usually a mostly steady uptick as they beat up on cream puffs and roll out to a 5-1 or 4-2 first half before the wheels fall off and the gnashing of tooth begins.

I think this year there will be a lot more zig-zags:

They'll pound Texas St.  "It's finally our year, praise Jimbo and White Jesus!"

They'll get pounded by Clemson.  "I'm not worried.  It was a road loss against an NFL caliber team and there's a lot to learn from that game that'll help us beat Bama at Kyle."

They'll pound Lamar.  "See, Cletus, I told y'all it was our year.  I can't believe we're only #21.  We might be the best 2-1 team ever."

They'll lose a heartbreaker at home to Auburn.  "God dammit.  Nobody beats us at Kyle.  Auburn must be way better than people thought.  But we can still win out and make the playoff."

They'll beat Arkansas by something like 28-24.  "Not pretty, but a road win in the SEC is something only four or five teams in the whole country are capable of.  I can't believe we're 16-point underdogs to Bama.  Nobody beats us at Kyle!"

Bama beats them at Kyle by 31.  "Well, shit, Cletus.  What are ya gonna do?  But we're still looking like a 9-3 team headed to a New Year's Six bowl."

Aggy rolls up wins against Ole Miss, Miss St, and UTSA.  They're 6-3 and ranked again.  "Gig 'em, bitches!  Farmers Fight!  This team has come such a long way - I'm telling ya, Cletus, if we could start the season over with these fine young men playing this well, we'd be 9-0."

South Carolina upsets aggy at Kyle.  "Fucking refs, god dammit!"

Aggy loses by 28 at Georgia.  "Hold me, Cletus."

Aggy loses by 28 at LSU to finish 6-6.  "I fucking TOLD you Jimbo wasn't the guy, Cletus!  Like 80% of our roster will start in the NFL and we're going to the god damned Liberty Bowl.  If we don't win at least 12 next season, it's time to call Belichick."

I hate aggy, a lot.  But I also love those delusional little weirdos.  It's gonna be a fun year.

(And fuck you, texags)

Beautiful, but one point I disagree with...they will lose to Piggysas.

Other than that...salud Tex, salud.

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lemonandaturd

lemonandaturd 4285

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True question.  Is Coach Muschamp a better football coach than Jimbo?  Boom was pretty solid at Texas and came close to winning a national championship.  He should have been given a chancethe year before, but for the BCS/OU decimal shenanigans.  He is building a program at South Carolina and has not been gifted shit like Jimbo was at FSU.  I hope Boom beats that aggy ass this season.

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GhostOfTomJoad

GhostOfTomJoad 9324

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Posted

My challenge is to always prepare myself for the hilarity that ensues when:

a) aggy goes full aggy & loses a game they had not business losing over a little sisters of the poor school, and

b) aggy goes full aggy & loses a game they had no business ever leading against a ranked team

Shit. It's August and I haven't restocked my whiskey cabinet yet. Add to the list of things go do.

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Bullneck

Bullneck 19084

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Posted
3 hours ago, TexArcher said:

This is gonna be long, but I'm bored and avoiding work.

It's usually a mostly steady uptick as they beat up on cream puffs and roll out to a 5-1 or 4-2 first half before the wheels fall off and the gnashing of tooth begins.

I think this year there will be a lot more zig-zags:

They'll pound Texas St.  "It's finally our year, praise Jimbo and White Jesus!"

They'll get pounded by Clemson.  "I'm not worried.  It was a road loss against an SEC caliber team and there's a lot to learn from that game that'll help us beat Bama at Kyle."

They'll pound Lamar.  "See, Cletus, I told y'all it was our year.  I can't believe we're only #21.  We might be the best 2-1 team ever."

They'll lose a heartbreaker at home to Auburn.  "God dammit.  Nobody beats us at Kyle.  Auburn must be way better than people thought.  But we can still win out and make the playoff."

They'll beat Arkansas by something like 28-24.  "Not pretty, but a road win in the SEC is something only four or five teams in the whole country are capable of.  I can't believe we're 16-point underdogs to Bama.  Nobody beats us at Kyle!"

Bama beats them at Kyle by 31.  "Well, shit, Cletus.  What are ya gonna do?  But we're still looking like a 9-3 team headed to a New Year's Six bowl."

Aggy rolls up wins against Ole Miss, Miss St, and UTSA.  They're 6-3 and ranked again.  "Gig 'em, bitches!  Farmers Fight!  This team has come such a long way - I'm telling ya, Cletus, if we could start the season over with these fine young men playing this well, we'd be 9-0."

South Carolina upsets aggy at Kyle.  "Fucking refs, god dammit!"

Aggy loses by 28 at Georgia.  "Hold me, Cletus."

Aggy loses by 28 at LSU to finish 6-6.  "I fucking TOLD you Jimbo wasn't the guy, Cletus!  Like 80% of our roster will start in the NFL and we're going to the god damned Liberty Bowl.  If we don't win at least 12 next season, it's time to call Belichick."

I hate aggy, a lot.  But I also love those delusional little weirdos.  It's gonna be a fun year.

(And fuck you, texags)

Pretty solid analysis.  I made one edit (in bold).

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UTEX_ME

UTEX_ME 4762

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don't be surprised if aggy bumbles, fumbles and pulls out a win in one of the Clemson, Georgia, or Bama games.  Jimbo's in year 2 and due for the "contract extension" win aggy coaches build retirements on.. (even though Jimbo is sitting pretty right now) 

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Tex Long

Tex Long 4392

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32 minutes ago, UTEX_ME said:

don't be surprised if aggy bumbles, fumbles and pulls out a win in one of the Clemson, Georgia, or Bama games.  Jimbo's in year 2 and due for the "contract extension" win aggy coaches build retirements on.. (even though Jimbo is sitting pretty right now) 

Fuck you. I'll sure as hell be surprised.

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Pogo

Pogo 284

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Posted
20 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

So funny, really, that every year a thread like this gets started, when it's not really necessary. Not thread policing here, just pointing out the obvious: no matter the subject, if it's aggy we're talking about, they will be doing things with typical aggy lack-of-elan, and they'll hype the hell out of their own incompetence.

Here's a good example -- they hype up their "Visualization Lab" as if it's some sort of cutting edge sci-fi lab for the future of Hollywood. In reality, it's just a "Who's Who of 'Who?'" -- you get more actual hires in Hollywood out of various junior colleges across the country.

But check out their hype:

 

Chancellor said it best at the end - it is well hidden.  I could probably wander around ETC or ENS and find a few labs like this.

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EZ$

EZ$ 2104

Posted
Posted
20 hours ago, TexArcher said:

This is gonna be long, but I'm bored and avoiding work.

It's usually a mostly steady uptick as they beat up on cream puffs and roll out to a 5-1 or 4-2 first half before the wheels fall off and the gnashing of tooth begins.

I think this year there will be a lot more zig-zags:

They'll pound Texas St.  "It's finally our year, praise Jimbo and White Jesus!"

They'll get pounded by Clemson.  "I'm not worried.  It was a road loss against an NFL caliber team and there's a lot to learn from that game that'll help us beat Bama at Kyle."

They'll pound Lamar.  "See, Cletus, I told y'all it was our year.  I can't believe we're only #21.  We might be the best 2-1 team ever."

They'll lose a heartbreaker at home to Auburn.  "God dammit.  Nobody beats us at Kyle.  Auburn must be way better than people thought.  But we can still win out and make the playoff."

They'll beat Arkansas by something like 28-24.  "Not pretty, but a road win in the SEC is something only four or five teams in the whole country are capable of.  I can't believe we're 16-point underdogs to Bama.  Nobody beats us at Kyle!"

Bama beats them at Kyle by 31.  "Well, shit, Cletus.  What are ya gonna do?  But we're still looking like a 9-3 team headed to a New Year's Six bowl."

Aggy rolls up wins against Ole Miss, Miss St, and UTSA.  They're 6-3 and ranked again.  "Gig 'em, bitches!  Farmers Fight!  This team has come such a long way - I'm telling ya, Cletus, if we could start the season over with these fine young men playing this well, we'd be 9-0."

South Carolina upsets aggy at Kyle.  "Fucking refs, god dammit!"

Aggy loses by 28 at Georgia.  "Hold me, Cletus."

Aggy loses by 28 at LSU to finish 6-6.  "I fucking TOLD you Jimbo wasn't the guy, Cletus!  Like 80% of our roster will start in the NFL and we're going to the god damned Liberty Bowl.  If we don't win at least 12 next season, it's time to call Belichick."

I hate aggy, a lot.  But I also love those delusional little weirdos.  It's gonna be a fun year.

(And fuck you, texags)

One thing you forgot is that they will actually climb the rankings after losses to Clemson, Bama and Georgia. 

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Zavala

Zavala 1384

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Posted
21 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

So funny, really, that every year a thread like this gets started, when it's not really necessary. Not thread policing here, just pointing out the obvious: no matter the subject, if it's aggy we're talking about, they will be doing things with typical aggy lack-of-elan, and they'll hype the hell out of their own incompetence.

Here's a good example -- they hype up their "Visualization Lab" as if it's some sort of cutting edge sci-fi lab for the future of Hollywood. In reality, it's just a "Who's Who of 'Who?'" -- you get more actual hires in Hollywood out of various junior colleges across the country.

But check out their hype:

 

 

ewww.jpg

Visual arts infomercial - zoom in on generic aggy ring wearing person using mouse

stock shitty dell keyboard and mouse

no mousepad

dirty desk

ew

"there's just a huge number of aggys that are beginning to take over hollywood" 

ew

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Zavala

Zavala 1384

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Posted

I feel like the rollercoaster will be pretty tame, like one of those shitty ones at a small carnival. They won't be able to get up very high at all. That early Clempson loss on the same day just before Texas plays LSU? Y I K E S

gewghh.jpg

5-7

-Clempson, Auburn, Piggy, Bammer, Cocks, Gawgia, and LSU all whoop! their ass. 

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Neonmoon

Neonmoon 38129

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Every year people declare Aggy will have a horrible record, but they never do. It’s not going to happen no matter how much you wish for it. It’s because they usually have 4 built in OOC wins. Yes they play Clemson this year, so only 3 this year, but let’s not pretend Miss State, Ole Miss, South Carolina, Arkansas are good teams. They’re not. These are all crappy teams that only make a bowl game because they also usually play 4 cupcakes every year. So they really only need 2 wins to make a bowl. 

Rinse repeat 

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OU Sucks

OU Sucks 8816

Posted
Posted
22 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

So funny, really, that every year a thread like this gets started, when it's not really necessary. Not thread policing here, just pointing out the obvious: no matter the subject, if it's aggy we're talking about, they will be doing things with typical aggy lack-of-elan, and they'll hype the hell out of their own incompetence.

Here's a good example -- they hype up their "Visualization Lab" as if it's some sort of cutting edge sci-fi lab for the future of Hollywood. In reality, it's just a "Who's Who of 'Who?'" -- you get more actual hires in Hollywood out of various junior colleges across the country.

But check out their hype:

 

Only aggy would prop open a door that reads "CLOSE THE DOOR":

closedoor.jpg

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Whatever

Whatever 700

Posted
Posted
 
ewww.jpg
Visual arts infomercial - zoom in on generic aggy ring wearing person using mouse
stock shitty dell keyboard and mouse
no mousepad
dirty desk
ew
"there's just a huge number of aggys that are beginning to take over hollywood" 
ew
Don't forget about the hard-wired mouse.

This pic is quite accurate for aggy since it's 10-15 years behind the times and looks to be in a shithole.
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BigHorn'13

BigHorn'13 3363

Posted
Posted
On 8/8/2019 at 7:19 PM, Walden Ponderer said:

So funny, really, that every year a thread like this gets started, when it's not really necessary. Not thread policing here, just pointing out the obvious: no matter the subject, if it's aggy we're talking about, they will be doing things with typical aggy lack-of-elan, and they'll hype the hell out of their own incompetence.

Here's a good example -- they hype up their "Visualization Lab" as if it's some sort of cutting edge sci-fi lab for the future of Hollywood. In reality, it's just a "Who's Who of 'Who?'" -- you get more actual hires in Hollywood out of various junior colleges across the country.

But check out their hype:

 

Yeah... that looked like any college lab with kids fucking around on the computer. Not impressed and knew I wouldn't when I heard they offered a degree in "visualization." 

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RomaVicta

RomaVicta 29907

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Posted
23 hours ago, Zavala said:

 

ewww.jpg

Visual arts infomercial - zoom in on generic aggy ring wearing person using mouse

stock shitty dell keyboard and mouse

no mousepad

dirty desk

ew

"there's just a huge number of aggys that are beginning to take over hollywood" 

ew

Wired mouse.

Cornball Aggie ring.

Scintillating voice over by Sharp. Uh-may-zing.

Aggies take over Hollywood in non-creative rolls performing CGI grunt work much like the cel painters at Disney 75 years ago. Uh-may-zing. Snore.

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Walden Ponderer

Walden Ponderer 12639

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Posted

The funny part is, there really is a ton of creative talent coming out of Bryan and College Station, from the high school level. Practically none of it is associated in any way, shape or form with aTm, except for the occasional kid whose parents are professors there. I've got a lot of friends with kids who cycled through the various Brazos Valley theater groups (and there are several) to go on to work in indie films, Broadway, a few in Hollywood, and some who do either fashion or art. They all got the fuck out of here as fast as they could. The high school across the street from the aggy golf course, College View High School, is chock full of artists; they have the lowest percentage of kids who go to aTm after graduation of any high school in a 50 mile radius.

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Hagbard Celine

Hagbard Celine 10859

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Posted
8 hours ago, Whatever said:

Don't forget about the hard-wired mouse.

This pic is quite accurate for aggy since it's 10-15 years behind the times and looks to be in a shithole.

That was my first thought.  Wireless mice do fail every so often and i pull out an old wired one for a couple of days.  But how is it possible to have negative situational awareness about an IT marketing artifact?

 

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Whatever

Whatever 700

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Posted
That was my first thought.  Wireless mice do fail every so often and i pull out an old wired one for a couple of days.  But how is it possible to have negative situational awareness about an IT marketing artifact?
 
What do you mean "how is it possible"? It's aggy. Futility is not only possible, it's certain.
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HtownHorn

HtownHorn 14678

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 8/8/2019 at 6:56 PM, SydneyCarton said:

Feel like Auburn has beaten them damn near every year in college station. 

This is correct, aggy has never beaten Auburn at DD field as a member of the SEC. Until last year, the home team had lost every game.

Edited by HtownHorn
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Bevo14

Bevo14 8310

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 8/10/2019 at 3:33 AM, Neonmoon said:

Every year people declare Aggy will have a horrible record, but they never do. It’s not going to happen no matter how much you wish for it. It’s because they usually have 4 built in OOC wins. Yes they play Clemson this year, so only 3 this year, but let’s not pretend Miss State, Ole Miss, South Carolina, Arkansas are good teams. They’re not. These are all crappy teams that only make a bowl game because they also usually play 4 cupcakes every year. So they really only need 2 wins to make a bowl. 

Rinse repeat 

5-7 is unlikely,  but 7-5 or 6-6 is very likely.  This is the toughest schedule they've had since joining. Clemson + Georgia away + LSU away. I dont think they've fared well against Auburn and Mississippi State the past few years either

Edited by Bevo14
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Walden Ponderer

Walden Ponderer 12639

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Posted
1 minute ago, Bevo14 said:

5-7 is unlikely,  but 7-5 or 6-6 is very likely.  This is the toughest schedule they've had since joining. 

It's also potentially the worst defense they will have fielded since joining. Their only saving grace will be the fact that Tua, Fromm, and Burrow are the only decent QBs they'll have to face. Unless, of course, Texas State has somebody good that I've never heard of.

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Treefidy

Treefidy 1463

Posted
Posted
On 8/9/2019 at 5:03 PM, Neonmoon said:

Every year people declare Aggy will have a horrible record, but they never do. It’s not going to happen no matter how much you wish for it. It’s because they usually have 4 built in OOC wins. Yes they play Clemson this year, so only 3 this year, but let’s not pretend Miss State, Ole Miss, South Carolina, Arkansas are good teams. They’re not. These are all crappy teams that only make a bowl game because they also usually play 4 cupcakes every year. So they really only need 2 wins to make a bowl. 

Rinse repeat 

This is true, it's what defines aggy.  Completely average excluding their 4 game handicap.  

I think their coach is better than they have had in a while until he recruits them into a hole and completely loses the locker room.   They will bumblefuck into a win among their big 4, lose one of the others and finish 8-4.

Tax slayer bowl win against Memphis, finish 9-4 and claim all is well because next year, look out!  Rinse, repeat.  

After decades of this in all it's variations, we know this tired story by heart.  

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