The Greatness of The Onion

[Mileslong 4,729]

Few things make me laugh as hard as the Onion News segments.

 

One of my favs

 

Ohio Replaces Lethal Injection with New Head Ripping Off Machine (the Texas Machinator, fucking lulz)

 

 

[Mileslong 4,729]

New Wearable Computer also Sucks Your Dick

Situation in Nigeria Seems Pretty Complex

[futureman 22,562]

I love the onion.  so funny.  I’ve always thought you and I were on the same wavelength, Miles. 

[Dbeasy 15,167]

I have Onion calendars and laugh every day. Didn’t realize they had YouTube videos. I’ll be down the YouTube rat hole for the next three hours.

[Homercles 10,206]

This is my favorite.  Time vampire and ‘god damn ass backwards as fuck’ are two things I use regularly.  

 

[HOOK'EMHOOAH 1,610]

Perhaps thujone is related to the Merkle...

[Pato del Muerto 52,687]

The constant cravings call

[jimmyjazz 46,367]

Team Ernie

[High Plains Drifter 11,054]

rancid ejaculate

[HornOnTheBayou 8,960]

Gregg Popovich Invites Tim Duncan To Address Team USA On Dangers Of Hypernationalism

SHANGHAI, CHINA—In an effort to prevent players from falling into a tribalistic mindset, head coach Gregg Popovich invited Tim Duncan Wednesday to address Team USA on the dangers of hypernationalism. “We’ve been hitting the fundamentals of colonialism pretty hard in practice, but I think Tim brings a unique player’s perspective on how phony rivalries between nations can be used to pit working people against each other,” said Popovich, explaining that Duncan’s previous experience playing for Team USA was a perfect example of striving for excellence without dividing people or diminishing outside voices. “This is a young team, so I think they’ll benefit from having a veteran like Duncan showing them how single-minded identification with your country can have dangerous consequences both at home and abroad. We have to respect all cultures, whether they’re playing zone or man-to-man defense. We’re here to prepare for the Olympics next year, not to spread imperialist propaganda.” At press time, a visibly frustrated Popovich forced the team to watch the documentary Ataturk after they narrowly avoided an overtime loss to Turkey.

[atomheartbevo 89,903]

Fun fact, the Tracy Gill character in the Today Now segments was a former cargo pilot (Falcon Jets/Learjets).  She went into acting and some kind of farming stuff.

[Michael Knight 13,012]

it was funnier when it wasn't indistinguishable from real news

[Chico_SA 521]

Smoove B.   

https://www.theonion.com/let-smoove-rock-your-body-and-world-1819583997?utm_medium=sharefromsite&utm_source=theonion_copy&utm_campaign=top

['stache 21,897]

I lost way too much time this morning. It's a choose your own adventure, and is fucking hilarious.

https://clickhole.com/murder-cheat-and-fuck-your-way-through-boston-1825124338/?fbclid=IwAR1UM_PDTfwb3mKE1bbjDklUtE0HNV0FREvrTD_YD8oJMozTgS7eyH1gpx4