Texas Recruiting Notes 2023: Strippers, Monkeys, and 5-Stars

[JesusSweatDuck 17,781]

@immamacif I were to write a script that would neg futureman to Bolivia, that would be ok, right?

[Junior Bonner 6,242]

8 minutes ago, Coach pop a bitch said:

Just quoting @futureman to fuck with @Junior Bonnerand @honolulu horn. Dont tell me how to live my life. 

[Hank_Hill 18,798]

Predicting a recruit to Texas is the FM post that gotcha huh? 

[Junior Bonner 6,242]

14 minutes ago, Hank_Hill said:

No?

I said both please and thank you. No need to be so rude. 

[Sandbagging Steve 982]

[Hank_Hill 18,798]

10 minutes ago, Junior Bonner said:

I said both please and thank you. No need to be so rude. 

 

Edited December 23, 2022 by Hank_Hill

[JesusSweatDuck 17,781]

1 minute ago, Hank_Hill said:

https://twitter.com/notcapnamerica/status/1605774407930109953?s=46&t=Ok9J6F1FrbUgB684PmZjCw

 

helping you out

 

 

[texifornia 56,874]

1 minute ago, longhornmatt said:

I have a feeling that dude Moore ran down is a slow future yachting enthusiast like the guys Jake Smith was playing against when I saw his highlight reel and thought he must be the fastest boy in the world.  But I’d love to be wrong.

Moore plays for a powerhouse in California's highest classification, not Arizona's miniature private school league, so there's at least a higher baseline.

[campcrunk 2,438]

4 hours ago, Fumbles said:

Alright, we got offense out of the way, let's take stock of the defensive side of the 2023 class.

Defensive Linemen - Sydir Mitchell

Misses - David Hicks, Hunter Osborne, Markis Deal, Roderick Pierce, Dylan Spencer

Sydir Mitchell is a goddamn beast with a rare skillset.  Watch this senior tape:  3x State Champ. Senior Year - Sydir Mitchell highlights - Hudl.  When I see a kid listed at 6'5", 340 pounds playing in New Jersey, I expect to see him throwing opponents around like Godzilla swatting airplanes out of the sky.  And Sydir is most definitely physically outclassing everyone on the field, but look at how he's beating those kids.  He's not just bull-rushing straight through overmatched opponents, he's using his hands to beat attempted blocks and flashing a lot of acceleration once he's won initial contact.  Check out the spin move at 1:00, look at that swim at 1:32, look at the way he sheds the run block at 2:46.  The only question I have is does he have the conditioning to give us 30-40 snaps at that level per game?  If so, that's first round talent.

I do wish we had picked up one more interior guy, but we loaded up on big bodies in 2022 and we got the best guy on our board.  I think the staff prioritized scholarships elsewhere, namely....

Edge - Tausili Akana, Colton Vasek, Derion Gullette, Billy Walton

Misses - Braylan Shelby

Holy shit, you think the coaches noticed we have a pass-rush problem?

I love Tausili Akana.  His senior film dropped about two weeks ago:  senior season - Tausili Akana highlights - Hudl.  First step, closing speed, length and frame, it's all there.  Also, dude is just hype all the time, popping right up after he makes a play, flexing, shit-talking.  Check him out after the sack at 3:15.  Yeah, let him fucking know about it, Tausili.  I've heard criticism that he's 19 and therefore "physically maximized," which is absurd.  Jerrin Thompson and Jaylan Ford got run over by Kansas as 19 year-old sophomores, one year later they look like completely different players.  Everyone has their own developmental curve and we won't know Akana's until he gets on campus, but he's got all the tools to be an elite rusher.

Vasek isn't as quite as quick as Akana, but he's better at taking on blocks and he's relentless.  Colton Vasek 4-0 Highlights - Colton Vasek highlights - Hudl.  Check out the clip at 0:08, he spins off the tackle AND swims the running back in the same play.  That's a technically proficient, high-motor player.

Derion Gullette's classification as "Edge" makes me feel like I'm taking crazy pills.  Am I wrong in assuming that "edge" means at least sometimes playing on the line with an expectation of taking on blocks?  Is everyone else just better than me at projecting Gullette's skills to a different position in college?  Whatever, here's his junior film:  ⭐️Junior Season Defensive Highlights⭐️ - Derion Gullette highlights - Hudl.  I see a guy playing exclusively off-ball linebacker and doing it rather fucking well.  He's lining up outside in coverage, he's comfortable playing in space, he's clearly got fantastic sideline-to-sideline speed (and hopefully still does post-knee injury).  I don't see a whole lot of taking on blocks, pass-rushing moves, or setting the edge.  Wherever he ends up playing, I'm glad we have him.

I like Billy Walton.  Billy Walton Senior Highlights - Billy Walton highlights - Hudl.  He doesn't have any one elite characteristic, he's just above-average-to-good at everything.  He's the kind of player that Oklahoma State, TCU, and Baylor regularly turn into All-Big 12 selections.  If he's willing to develop and wait to earn his snaps, I think he can be a solid contributor as an upperclassman.  Could we have let Walton go to Oklahoma State or wherever and circled back in the portal in 3 years if he panned out?  Maybe, but Walton's good enough that I don't feel bad about this take.    

This is a fantastic edge class.  Missing on Shelby sucks because I think he's fantastic, but I like Akana even better and who could complain about this embarrassment of riches?  Speaking of riches...

Linebacker - Anthony Hill, S'Maje Burrell, Liona Lefau

Misses - Not a Damn One

PRAISE BE!  There is only one LB Coach, who's true name is Choate, and Jaylan Ford is His prophet.  I'm so happy that we have legitimately good, fundamentally sound linebacker play in Texas again.  We're not just bringing in world-class athletes and telling them to go chase the ball.  Malik, you deserved so much better.  Anyway, the croots!

Anthony Hill.  2022 Highlights. Only 6 Games Played - Anthony Hill Jr. highlights - Hudl.  No, one is not enough.  Take his junior highlights too.  2021 Highlights - Anthony Hill Jr. highlights - Hudl.  He's elite at all the basic things, he has great closing speed, great size, he generates turnovers at a Ford-esque rate.  He's wrapping up well, taking great angles to the ball carrier, moving decisively.  In his senior film, he's making a lot of those plays after getting off of a block, which is a huge skill to learn for an off-ball linebacker.  He's a day 1 starter beside Jaylan Ford.

I love S'Maje Burrell as a compliment to Anthony Hill, but also as a player in his own right.  Non District Highlights - S’Maje Burrell highlights - Hudl.  Look at that beautiful drop back into zone coverage at 00:35.  You think we could have used that on a few third downs this year?  Gimme.  

Liona Lefau's tape is even better than Burrell's (though in fairness, Burrell's longest montage is from a few games and this is Lefau's full senior season).  SR Highlights - Liona Lefau highlights - Hudl.  He's laying guys out, running in stride with receivers in coverage, taking on and shedding blocks, and he looks even bigger than his listed 215 to me.  Or maybe everyone else is just smaller.  It is Hawaii, not exactly a competitive area for high school football.  Still, that's a damn fine highlight reel.

Anthony Hill is arguably the best LB prospect we've ever recruited to Texas in my lifetime and, top to bottom, this is without question the best LB class I have ever seen come to Texas.

Secondary - Malik Muhammad, Derek Williams

Misses - Peyton Bowen, Javien Toviano

It's always hard to judge a cornerback by a highlight reel because, by the nature of the position, you doing your job means the quarterback looks somewhere else and the play never comes your way.  And who's gonna make a clip of that?  Still, there's a lot of positives to see in Malik Muhammad's junior tape:  Malik Muhammad Highlights - Malik Muhammad highlights - Hudl.  I think my favorite clip is at 1:31, that's a nice pop for a guy listed generously at 175.  He shows soft hands and obvious deep speed as a wide receiver.  In the few clips we have of his senior season so far, he's constantly playing tight man and running right with his guy:  Malik Muhammad Senior Highlights - Malik Muhammad highlights - Hudl.  I love how close he starts the play at 00:10, practically in the neutral zone.  He sure as shit isn't afraid of anyone running past him.  

Derek Williams is a classic alley-filling strong safety.  Derek Willaims Junior Year - Derek Williams highlights - Hudl.  The athleticism jumps right off the screen in his running back highlights, Williams certainly does not lack for short area acceleration or top end speed.  His safety clips show a player very comfortable moving forward and getting physical with the ball carrier.  I do worry that we don't see a whole lot of coverage in these highlights.  00:36 shows a nice press man moment (although if you're wearing burnt orange in the Big 12, that's a defensive holding flag) and there are a few other moments in there, but nothing showing his ability to track deep balls, run with his man, or transition from backpedal to sprint.  But he definitely has the speed, size, and ill temperament to be a terrifying enforcer in the middle of the field.

Including Peyton Bowen as a miss is admittedly a stretch, we were never really in it for him and there's the whole signing day drama.  But oh man, can that kid ball.  After Jalen Hale, missing out on Bowen is the biggest miss of this class. He's a deep safety with elite coverage skills and incredible speed for a guy his size.  We do not have that skillset on campus right now and we could really use it.  Javien Toviano isn't as good as Malik Muhammad, but he's got the size to play safety or corner and that positional versatility would have been a great addition to the class.  

Overall thoughts on the 2023 Defensive Class

Excellent defensive class top to bottom.  We aggressively addressed our roster needs with top tier talent and numbers.  And we didn't settle for the low-hanging fruit.  Previous staffs would have taken guys like Markis Deal, Dylan Spencer, and Jamel Johnson and wondered why we look like a bunch of JAGs on defense in 2025.  This staff identified Sydir Mitchell as a rising star in New Jersey and beat Georgia head-to-head for him.  This staff closed Anthony Hill.  This staff went into the Bayou and poached Derek Williams.  I love it.  I do wish we had added one more safety with established coverage skills, but hey, that's what the portal is for.  

Jesus, Akana's senior highlights are ridiculous. It's basically five minutes and forty-five seconds of him blowing people up behind or very near to the LOS. I'd be very curious to hear why so many people were down on him. I know it's just a highlight reel but it looks really, really damn good

[futureman 22,444]

1 hour ago, Junior Bonner said:

I have that motherfucker on fucking ignore for a fucking reason. So please fucking stop quoting that motherfucker you fucking morons. 

Thank you. 

this one cuts deep.  I honestly thought we were friends. 

Edited December 24, 2022 by futureman

[Butch Had Not 2,969]

12 minutes ago, texifornia said:

Moore plays for a powerhouse in California's highest classification, not Arizona's miniature private school league, so there's at least a higher baseline.

ND prep plays AZ 5a ball. They played teams like Gilbert and Williams Field.  You can question remainder of the schedule with schools like Apollo and Sunnyslope but they don't play in 2a small private league. 

[Scholz 11,939]

Futureman is a comedic genius you cretins. Like pearls before swine.

[tejas60 3,532]

Mr. Henry disagrees.

[TrashMaster G 17,551]

54 minutes ago, Hank_Hill said:

I grew up with a big brother who was like that.

Prick.

[IDIOTsavant 8,483]

4 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

I grew up with a big brother who was like that.

Prick.

On behalf of oldest siblings everywhere….

[JesusSweatDuck 17,781]

29 minutes ago, Scholz said:

Futureman is a comedic genius you cretins. Like pearls before swine.

[Lonestar88 4,632]

 

[Coelenterate Fuccboi 13,091]

6 hours ago, Hiphopopotamos said:

 

Well, this is quite the opposite approach of our current QB…

5 hours ago, utfan87 said:

You’ve been saying this for a while. What do you know? Please disclose 

He knows as well as us that Duce is likely not coming here. This is his game, pick a player we’re not getting, claim to know for fact he is committing, and then sit back and watch people like you act like a dog who thinks its getting the freshly cooked steak.

[Atticus 3,973]

Easier for him to do that when his family is filthy rich, but QE's family has plenty of money too. 

Will be interesting to see how Arch pushes Quinn over the spring.

Edited December 24, 2022 by Atticus

[jinx 2,635]

2 hours ago, longhornmatt said:

I have a feeling that dude Moore ran down is a slow future yachting enthusiast like the guys Jake Smith was playing against when I saw his highlight reel and thought he must be the fastest boy in the world.  But I’d love to be wrong.

 

[Bevo 13,570]

49 minutes ago, Coelenterate Fuccboi said:

Well, this is quite the opposite approach of our current QB…

He knows as well as us that Duce is likely not coming here. This is his game, pick a player we’re not getting, claim to know for fact he is committing, and then sit back and watch people like you act like a dog who thinks its getting the freshly cooked steak.

Wait a minute. I thought everybody passed a little steak under the table to their pup. How rude.

[JohnnyRage 1,617]

More noble than declining 'free' money for a couple of years would be to invest that money into a company his own that distributes NIL deals to the blue collar players on the team without deals or to all of the players on the team.

Or am I retarded?

[RabidM 2,666]

I think Lefau is way underrated.  He looks like a Jaylan Ford starter kit with better athletic upside.  I never understood why his rating stayed static all year. 

[BigHorn'13 3,363]

57 minutes ago, jinx said:

 

God I love public broadcasting of city governance. 

20 minutes ago, RabidM said:

I think Lefau is way underrated.  He looks like a Jaylan Ford starter kit with better athletic upside.  I never understood why his rating stayed static all year. 

Ever seen a major camp in Hawaii? Historically non exploited playmakers (except for the west coast schools) that need to be tapped in to imo...

[Lhorn 4,912]

1 hour ago, JohnnyRage said:

More noble than declining 'free' money for a couple of years would be to invest that money into a company his own that distributes NIL deals to the blue collar players on the team without deals or to all of the players on the team.

Or am I retarded?

You are retarded but that’d be a great idea too. 

[Funk Doctor Spock 12,183]

On 12/21/2022 at 4:01 PM, JBJ said:

Not sure I'd be comfortable with both a Muhammad and Ja'had in the secondary.

What? You don't want them blowing up the opposing players?

[Foosters 17,845]

[dieucla98 2,942]

31 minutes ago, Spider2YBanana said:

What? You don't want them blowing up the opposing players?

How about we not be racist dickheads to our own players? Or are we really that similar to A&M?

[RomaVicta 29,902]

5 hours ago, Scholz said:

Futureman is a comedic genius you cretins. Like pearls before swine.

It's sad when irony or absurdism goes unappreciated on a Longhorn board. I liked ol' Danger Snacks, too. A little whimsy to break up tedious arguments about past players or who makes the best version of a dish.

I fully expect to be negged by Futureman. I'll laugh.

[Coelenterate Fuccboi 13,091]

3 hours ago, Bevo said:

Wait a minute. I thought everybody passed a little steak under the table to their pup. How rude.

You might want to keep what you do to your dog underneath the table a secret.

By the way, sorry about your small penis.

Edited December 24, 2022 by Coelenterate Fuccboi

[Hank_Hill 18,798]

1 hour ago, dieucla98 said:

How about we not be racist dickheads to our own players? Or are we really that similar to A&M?

Agreed, let’s go back to hating on our white (defensive) players.

[honolulu horn 6,158]

1 hour ago, RomaVicta said:

It's sad when irony or absurdism goes unappreciated on a Longhorn board. I liked ol' Danger Snacks, too. A little whimsy to break up tedious arguments about past players or who makes the best version of a dish.

I fully expect to be negged by Futureman. I'll laugh.

Steel Shank is funny. Thujone is funny. Mdmost is funny. RGBIII is funny. There are many funny posters on here. 

Futureman's schtick is boring, tired, and a waste of space. To quote Mr Henry, "Sorry if this offends you, but he's a real cocksucker."

[Cairn Horn88 8,260]

6 hours ago, honolulu horn said:

Steel Shank is funny. Thujone is funny. Mdmost is funny. RGBIII is funny. There are many funny posters on here. 

Futureman's schtick is boring, tired, and a waste of space. To quote Mr Henry, "Sorry if this offends you, but he's a real cocksucker."

I used to be funny.

[Saint Tacky 1,614]

According to my kids I’m not even “Dad Joke” funny anymore

[Js1 85,298]

26 minutes ago, Cairn Horn88 said:

I used to be funny.

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2,732]

According to my kids I’m not even “Dad Joke” funny anymore

Don’t fall for their lies. We are always funny.

[Bigbend1812 12,915]

Who’s coming for the Duce?   This guy….

 

[Coelenterate Fuccboi 13,091]

9 minutes ago, Bigbend1812 said:

Who’s coming for the Duce?   This guy….

 

I hate you.

[Pato del Muerto 52,487]

34 minutes ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

Don’t fall for their lies. We are always funny.

Dad jokes are meant to be funny to dads, not kids.  Also funny to dads is the kids’ reaction to dad jokes. 

[Redneck Mutha 7,954]

We went to New Orleans a few weeks ago.  Were checking out the Christmas decor at the Ritz-Carlton and ran across this gingerbread streetcar with the depictions of several famous New Orleanians.

Guy on the far right looked familiar. 

[BurntOrange&White 39,930]

15 hours ago, Scholz said:

Futureman is a comedic genius you cretins. Like pearls before swine.

Futureman is a lot of things but one thing he is not is a genius of any sorts. 

[satyanash 14,480]

The award for the best QB in college football is literally named after Arch Manning's grandfather. It'd be cool to see him win it.

[Atticus 3,973]

7 hours ago, honolulu horn said:

Steel Shank is funny. Thujone is funny. Mdmost is funny. RGBIII is funny. There are many funny posters on here. 

Futureman's schtick is boring, tired, and a waste of space. To quote Mr Henry, "Sorry if this offends you, but he's a real cocksucker."

People are free to consider funny whomever they please. I'm sure there are people here who don't care for the form of humor of many of the posters you've listed.

These days, I'm the type to gloss over most of the shit that lacks substance. No point in bothering about shit you don't control.

[Atticus 3,973]

6 minutes ago, satyanash said:

The award for the best QB in college football is literally named after Arch Manning's grandfather. It'd be cool to see him win it.

Davey O'Brien is Arch Manning grandfather?

[Rockethorn1978 6,072]

6 minutes ago, Atticus said:

Davey O'Brien is Arch Manning grandfather?

Yea it’s Mississippi family tree.

[Daichee Bell 2,925]

9 minutes ago, Atticus said:

Davey O'Brien is Arch Manning grandfather?

Let me tell you a little something about South New Orleans Grandmom.

[RomaVicta 29,902]

8 hours ago, honolulu horn said:

Steel Shank is funny. Thujone is funny. Mdmost is funny. RGBIII is funny. There are many funny posters on here. 

Futureman's schtick is boring, tired, and a waste of space. To quote Mr Henry, "Sorry if this offends you, but he's a real cocksucker."

Well, I guess I don't find him amusing afterall?

[satyanash 14,480]

35 minutes ago, Atticus said:

Davey O'Brien is Arch Manning grandfather?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manning_Award

[Professor Chesney 481]

11 hours ago, Spider2YBanana said:

What? You don't want them blowing up the opposing players?

Come on now, this is low effort, in bad taste and disrespectful to our current & future students.  What starts here changes the world, and we are better than this.

[closetojumping 62,571]

1 minute ago, Professor Chesney said:

Come on now, this is low effort, in bad taste and disrespectful to our current & future students.  What starts here changes the world, and we are better than this.

While I agree with you, I am fairly certain that the poster you quoted actually isn’t.