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Texas Recruiting Notes 2023: Strippers, Monkeys, and 5-Stars

Machinator

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Born Burnt
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hornlife
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49 in Sept.  It sucks - went from jogging and a swimmer to tremors and shakes.  I'm scared to death of fixing a light bulb on a ladder.  I just pray it isn't MS.  Neither have a blood test, it takes t

closetojumping
closetojumping

I know it feels like cool shit is happening, but Surly needs to gear all the fucking way up. Big big things coming. Let’s.Fucking.Go!

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turtlepond

turtlepond 179

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Posted
2 minutes ago, irishtexan said:

I've got him in my celebrity death pool with a parlay on cause of death being spontaneous combustion due to the effects of running at the speed of light.

With that amount of fat, he would stay lit on fire for days, like a lithium battery in a Tesla if he were to spontaneously combust 

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irishtexan

irishtexan 11692

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2 minutes ago, turtlepond said:

With that amount of fat, he would stay lit on fire for days, like a lithium battery in a Tesla if he were to spontaneously combust 

I was talking about ctj, but I supposed it's possible ctj is ketch and ketch is ctj. The man bun could just be extra skull fat that's being hidden by the facemask. 

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Ricky's one-hitter

Ricky's one-hitter 9602

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29 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:

Knowing that fat lap band snapping fuck is tangentially near me will absolutely have an effect on my dining decisions

First, bravo.

Second, assuming you do not currently frequent CiCi's Pizza (little league post-game acceptable), Golden Corral, or something called the Feast Buffet, I don't think you have anything to worry about. 

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satyanash

satyanash 15355

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Posted
1 hour ago, closetojumping said:

Wait, Ketchum lives in Houston now? I feel like we would have noticed a seismic shift on multiple fronts - toilet paper shortages, bacon shortages, wing shortages, other meat shortages, and entire swaths of the population sheltering in place to avoid becoming a snack.

Little-known fact: The first-ever gravitational wave was detected in 2015, when NASA's pulsar oscillation apparatus in D.C. detected fluctuations in the Southwest shortly after Chuy's announced their first-ever 'all-you-can-eat promotion' in Austin.

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closetojumping

closetojumping 65246

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Bevo said:

Well, in the first sentence I was joking around with him. Then, in the second one I actually thought about it and decided that it probably was a good decision financially. And don't worry, I'm not encroaching on your friendship. You are still his bestest.

 

There's no doubt that Sydney views me as his closest friend, so if that's what you're saying, you nailed it. However, if you're implying that Sydney is my closest friend, there's a very long list of people in my life that you're cutting out of the picture.

35 minutes ago, Ricky's one-hitter said:

First, bravo.

Second, assuming you do not currently frequent CiCi's Pizza (little league post-game acceptable), Golden Corral, or something called the Feast Buffet, I don't think you have anything to worry about. 

You left off Plucker's. And all of the other wing places. They're out of the picture now. Luby's is out. Cleburne Cafeteria. Anything involving a food court or food halls is out. Anywhere in which someone in a concrete-reinforced Rascal can get to an absolute fuckton of food quickly is basically toast, and some of those options are actually quite good. I'm assuming Fuddrucker's banned him internationally after his jalapeno cheese tub incident in '17, which is good because they make an underrated burger that gets knocked simply because it is a chain.

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JesusSweatDuck

JesusSweatDuck 18045

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Posted
2 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

You left off Plucker's. And all of the other wing places. They're out of the picture now. Luby's is out. Cleburne Cafeteria. Anything involving a food court or food halls is out. Anywhere in which someone in a concrete-reinforced Rascal can get to an absolute fuckton of food quickly is basically toast, and some of those options are actually quite good. I'm assuming Fuddrucker's banned him internationally after his jalapeno cheese tub incident in '17, which is good because they make an underrated burger that gets knocked simply because it is a chain.

Some of this gold needs to find it's way to Twitter

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RGBIII

RGBIII 23009

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Posted
5 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

jalapeno cheese tub incident in '17, which is good because they make an underrated burger that gets knocked simply because it is a chain.

This is true and I can relate to Ketch on that jalapeno cheese tub, that thing is incredible

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closetojumping

closetojumping 65246

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5 minutes ago, RGBIII said:

This is true and I can relate to Ketch on that jalapeno cheese tub, that thing is incredible

My entire life I have been amazed by this question when ordering at Fuddrucker's: "Do you want to add cheese to that?"

"Uhh, why in blue fuck would I want to add cheese to my burger here? The first thing I am doing when you hand me my freshly and deliciously seasoned and grilled half-pounder is heading immediately to the condiments and toppings area where I am pumping out a gallon of jalapeno cheese nuclear waste onto the patty, and then the fries, for free, lady. "

Of course, the story I've always heard was that they caught Ketchum having taken the entire tub of jalapeno cheese to his table, where he was chugging it openly, while regaling interns with stories about that time he threw a golf tournament and made over $40,000 on it in profit. After catching him doing this on 3 consecutive lunch shifts, the branch manager reported him upstream. When forensics was done with their assessment, they could track regional food cost explosions occurring wherever Ketchum was traveling during the same period. Thus, the necessary international banning.

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SydneyCarton

SydneyCarton 49325

Posted
Posted
17 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

My entire life I have been amazed by this question when ordering at Fuddrucker's: "Do you want to add cheese to that?"

"Uhh, why in blue fuck would I want to add cheese to my burger here? The first thing I am doing when you hand me my freshly and deliciously seasoned and grilled half-pounder is heading immediately to the condiments and toppings area where I am pumping out a gallon of jalapeno cheese nuclear waste onto the patty, and then the fries, for free, lady. "

Of course, the story I've always heard was that they caught Ketchum having taken the entire tub of jalapeno cheese to his table, where he was chugging it openly, while regaling interns with stories about that time he threw a golf tournament and made over $40,000 on it in profit. After catching him doing this on 3 consecutive lunch shifts, the branch manager reported him upstream. When forensics was done with their assessment, they could track regional food cost explosions occurring wherever Ketchum was traveling during the same period. Thus, the necessary international banning.

This reminds me of a story that Steve Elkington told on Jim Rome at some point, about how Colin Montgomery took the entire pan of banana pudding tray out of the buffet at some PGA event or clubhouse and sauntered back to his table and proceeded to consume the entire thing, by himself. Montgomery was apparently a horrible prick and one of the most disliked personalities on the tour at that time. 

10 minutes ago, Herbie Hancock said:

Always figured fat ketch for a Sirloin Stockade kinda guy

Coronavirus Permanently Shuts Down Ryan's Restaurant In Summerville

 

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cafe society

cafe society 2902

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Posted (edited)
45 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

There's no doubt that Sydney views me as his closest friend, so if that's what you're saying, you nailed it. However, if you're implying that Sydney is my closest friend, there's a very long list of people in my life that you're cutting out of the picture.

You left off Plucker's. And all of the other wing places. They're out of the picture now. Luby's is out. Cleburne Cafeteria. Anything involving a food court or food halls is out. Anywhere in which someone in a concrete-reinforced Rascal can get to an absolute fuckton of food quickly is basically toast, and some of those options are actually quite good. I'm assuming Fuddrucker's banned him internationally after his jalapeno cheese tub incident in '17, which is good because they make an underrated burger that gets knocked simply because it is a chain.

A sad rite of passage for parents (at least for me) when the kids fly the coop and the wife doesn't want to go to Fuddrucker's anymore.  

A seprate note that we always crab when there's a particularly ugly page in this forum.  Congrats, Surly Degenerates, this page has been wildly entertaining.  Many thanks.

Edited by cafe society
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Droopy

Droopy 2637

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Posted (edited)

So, nothing new on recruiting? Cool, cool... (closes Surly with disappointment seeing 2 new pages of comments to sift through)

 

*Fuddruckers, when you can find one, it's still a decent burger/experience, and Jalapeno cheese with pico on the fries is the tits.

Edited by Droopy
how could I forget the fries?!?!
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52-80

52-80 19379

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1 hour ago, SydneyCarton said:

Counterpoint: There's a poster on this site who lives off grid in Alaska, and I bet he'd let me dump the ashes in his outhouse before winter free of charge. I'd still do the fireworks, though. 

Scene: somebody living “off the grid”, but uses iPhone to regularly check up on a college football messageboard

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closetojumping

closetojumping 65246

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6 minutes ago, Bevo14 said:

fify

I don't think you read what I wrote correctly. The answer is always and emphatically "no". I don't need to pay for a slice of cheese when I'm about to bathe my burger in something much more tasty and disturbing.

2 minutes ago, Lonestar88 said:


Not sure what’s going on with Harrison-Pilot. 9.95ers keep saying he’s still a priority target but it sure doesn’t feel like it.

Why don't you think he's a priority? Because we don't spend a lot of time talking about him? Allegedly the staff wants him plenty, so I'm not sure how much is perception due to message board activity (or lack thereof) around him.

Regardless, I agree with everyone confused by the dude's list of school choices. If he does wind up at Cal, more power to him. I've seen many worse choices when players talk about academics. 

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stork642

stork642 4511

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4 hours ago, SydneyCarton said:

Ketchum has more insight into who Jack In The Box is "recruiting" to join their local team in Cedar Park than he does about anything recruiting related. Like, orders of magnitude more insight. Keep that in mind. 

I thought Ketch was recruiting a new ham guy. 

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SydneyCarton

SydneyCarton 49325

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Posted
1 minute ago, stork642 said:

I thought Ketch was recruiting a new ham guy. 

Perhaps no one fit the bill. Maybe that's part of why he moved to Houston. Or perhaps he's just going to source his ham from multiple locations and fuck the rest of us. And I don't even particularly like Ham. 

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TexasEx

TexasEx 1697

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12 minutes ago, Lonestar88 said:


Not sure what’s going on with Harrison-Pilot. 9.95ers keep saying he’s still a priority target but it sure doesn’t feel like it.

Per IT, they would take whoever commits first between MHP and Hale. Maybe the focus has shifted to Hale. 

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Lonestar88

Lonestar88 5138

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8 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

Why don't you think he's a priority? Because we don't spend a lot of time talking about him? Allegedly the staff wants him plenty, so I'm not sure how much is perception due to message board activity (or lack thereof) around him.

Regardless, I agree with everyone confused by the dude's list of school choices. If he does wind up at Cal, more power to him. I've seen many worse choices when players talk about academics. 


Probably a combination of the two biases you mention; 1.) the long gaps we go with barely talking about him and 2.) His other top schools don’t match his ranking. I can make sense of Cal, it’s an excellent school, but Houston was in his top 5 too. Makes me question how sought after he really is, but he could just be a quirky dude.

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Vertigo

Vertigo 20461

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Posted (edited)
9 minutes ago, TexasEx said:

Per IT, they would take whoever commits first between MHP and Hale. Maybe the focus has shifted to Hale. 

If Johntay is to be believed, they are full court pressing on Hale. MHP seems like a guy on the bubble to me who could get lost in the shuffle at multiple position groups. I would love to see the data on guys who project best at one position, but insist on playing another until they finally figure out they won't crack the lineup before switching. My guess is those guys rarely pan out even at their original best position. Henry Melton is the only guy I can recall offhand who successfully did that and went on to have a great pro career. 

Edited by Vertigo
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Big Woodrows

Big Woodrows 4217

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Posted

Hamilton on Pettaway

Spoiler

Spoke to a source on On3 Consensus 4-star wide receiver Jaqauize Pettaway. This source has spoken with the speedy playmaker since the news of Cale Gundy leaving the Oklahoma program. It's said Pettaway was definitely bummed out about Gundy leaving, but not the situation itself. This person didn't think a recommit was imminent as of yesterday afternoon.

Can that change? Sure it can. But that is where is was at 24 hours ago.

Another note, the colleges that lost out (Texas, etc...) haven't been blowing up the Langham Creek coaching staffs phone as of this afternoon.

 

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texifornia

texifornia 58786

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Posted
16 minutes ago, Big Woodrows said:

Hamilton on Pettaway

  Hide contents

Spoke to a source on On3 Consensus 4-star wide receiver Jaqauize Pettaway. This source has spoken with the speedy playmaker since the news of Cale Gundy leaving the Oklahoma program. It's said Pettaway was definitely bummed out about Gundy leaving, but not the situation itself. This person didn't think a recommit was imminent as of yesterday afternoon.

Can that change? Sure it can. But that is where is was at 24 hours ago.

Another note, the colleges that lost out (Texas, etc...) haven't been blowing up the Langham Creek coaching staffs phone as of this afternoon.

 

Well that last note sure fits with the "no one fucking likes the guy" reports out there.

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Dbeasy

Dbeasy 15526

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Posted

On trying to piece together bits of information on Hale and MHP, there was a point where it looked like MHP was going to commit, but didn’t.

The speculation was that the staff was waiting on Hale and encouraged MHP to slow down. Rumors emerged that MHP was unhappy he wasn’t a priority. That was quickly disputed by 9.95’rs. That may have been leaked to 9.95rs by the staff on purpose to calm down MHP. 

Fast forward, Hale has flirted with Bama after it looked like he would commit to Texas. This latest California CB could be a realization by MHP that Hale has decided and is going to commit or has committed to Texas?

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satyanash

satyanash 15355

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Posted (edited)

Gerry on Florida DT Jordan Hall

Quote

Jacksonville, Fla. – On3 Consensus 4-star defensive tackle Jordan Hall wants to make an official visit to Texas. The No. 27 ranked prospect in the On300 for the 2023 cycle became interested when friend Sydir Mitchell committed to the Longhorns July 3.

“Sydir, that’s my guy. We are cool. I think Sydir sparked interest in the Texas coaches. I think he said something about me to the coaches. Honestly, the farthest I have ever been (that way) is Louisiana. The farthest I have been for football was when I visited LSU. Texas is the biggest state in the country, it’s hot like Florida, they got good ball there. Why not give Texas a shot? I’m a recruit for a reason, and I’m looking for the place that fits me the best.”

Like a number of other top prospects, Hall has a specific visit date in mind. “Oh, most definitely. Week two when they play against Alabama, I’m seriously considering OV’ing for that weekend. We haven’t talked about that weekend yet, but I want to visit. I know that’s when a lot of Texas’ top recruits are visiting. I really just want to go see Texas. What they have going on.”

Texas defensive line coach Bo Davis is heading up the recruitment of Hall. The two are building a relationship on a weekly basis. “Bo Davis, I talked to him the Sunday I came back from Miami (July 28). It wasn’t too much. We just chopped it up a bit. I keep in communication with him. He checks up on me to see how I’m doing. I think he was pretty surprised I had any interest in Texas. That’s still new, and still fresh. I think we talk once or twice a week now.”

Hall learning more about Texas

“I wouldn’t say I know a lot. I know a little. I know the history of the school, how good they used to be and how they want to bring that back. The brand of football they used to play. Hard nosed, run the ball. They probably have the best running back in the country when he’s healthy in Bijan (Robinson). They have some weapons there. Texas’ recruiting is going well. Sydir said it’s a vibe. It’s a cool place to be. He just wants me to get on board.”

Hall has official visit plans

Hall told On3 Tuesday that he has two official visit dates set. He plans to make an official visit to LSU for the Tennessee game October 8, and Ohio State November 26 for the Michigan rivalry game. The Sunshine State defender is very high on Georgia, Florida and Miami headed into the fall. He was born in Columbus, Ga., and has family in Decatur, Ga. The Florida Gators are the closest to home. And the Hurricanes have the entire staff prioritizing Hall.

Hall was named Jacksonville Times Union All-First Coast selection following his junior season. He totaled 34 tackles, 15 tackles for loss and 5 sacks in nine games while facing many double teams. Hall heads into his senior season with 74 tackles, 27 tackles for loss and eight sacks in two seasons.

 

Edited by satyanash
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Droopy

Droopy 2637

Posted
Posted
8 minutes ago, satyanash said:

Gerry on Jordan Hall

 

Translation: They are a program worthy of my talent, and I'd really like to go to the Alabama game...because who doesn't?

1 hour ago, Leanderman said:

I live on the west end of Galveston. Just keep fat ketch off the island or I know it will sink and we will all drown.

Username does not check out.

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Bevo

Bevo 13825

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Posted
Quote

“Sydir, that’s my guy. We are cool. I think Sydir sparked interest in the Texas coaches. I think he said something about me to the coaches. Honestly, the farthest I have ever been (that way) is Louisiana. The farthest I have been for football was when I visited LSU. Texas is the biggest state in the country, it’s hot like Florida, they got good ball there. Why not give Texas a shot? I’m a recruit for a reason, and I’m looking for the place that fits me the best.”

Pretty cool

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Harvdog

Harvdog 2416

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, closetojumping said:

Wait, Ketchum lives in Houston now? I feel like we would have noticed a seismic shift on multiple fronts - toilet paper shortages, bacon shortages, wing shortages, other meat shortages, and entire swaths of the population sheltering in place to avoid becoming a snack. 

Wait.

Hang on. Are you telling me ... are you telling me that Geoff Ketchum is corona?!

Christ. Now it all makes sense. 

When I read that the Golden Coral off 290 ran out of the chocolate fountain, it was a dead giveaway that Ketch moved to Houston 

748662C0-67DE-4160-86CD-9FA4A0C4EF2A.jpeg

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Zhorn96

Zhorn96 1833

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Lonestar88 said:


Probably a combination of the two biases you mention; 1.) the long gaps we go with barely talking about him and 2.) His other top schools don’t match his ranking. I can make sense of Cal, it’s an excellent school, but Houston was in his top 5 too. Makes me question how sought after he really is, but he could just be a quirky dude.

Didn’t his dad play at Houston?  MHP really liked Cal by all accounts and so did his family but I thought he was TCU if Texas didn’t take him

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