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Voluntary childlessness

wild_turkey

By wild_turkey
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wild_turkey

wild_turkey 3159

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I'm interested in peoples' thoughts on married couples who choose to not have children.

Have you chosen this path for yourself? If so then what were your reasons and how has that decision held up through the years? Any regrets down the road?

Do you have friends, family, or colleagues who have done this? Is your opinion positively or negatively impacted by their status as nonparents, or does that not enter the equation at all for you?

If you have a general positive or negative impression of this, then what factors into that? Morals, ethics, religion, impact on society, selfishness, narcissism, jealousy, etc?

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gyroprotagonist

gyroprotagonist 2592

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we used to live next to a couple that was all about not having rug rats.  The wife was super overboard about not having kids at all.  They put a lot of money into their house and smoked weed a lot.  Super fun to hang out and party with.  The wife even went so as to look into elective hysterectomy when she was in her early 30s.  Our other mutual neighbor who was a doc, said she asked about it once and he told her that no surgeon would do that for a non-medical reason.  No idea if they if they are spawnless today.  This was about 10 years ago.

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Gene Parmesan

Gene Parmesan 4007

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Posted
4 minutes ago, Horn_Spanker said:

I'm old, no kids, no regrets.

Never bought or changed a diaper, never bought a car seat, never bought a Lego, etc.  Was able to retire early. 

Who is going to come to the nursing home and visit you for 15 minutes each Christmas?  You didn't think of that did you smart guy?

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TwiceHorn

TwiceHorn 31472

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Posted (edited)

I had never given it a great deal of thought one way or the other.  I had a few friends that were all "I can't wait to have kids," which I thought a little odd and always wanted to say, "a kid is not a dog."

My prime childbearing years, and relationship years, were befouled by my drinking.  It's still, or was, possible to have kids in an Anthony Quinn sort of way, but realistically too late.  I am also extremely wary of bringing children with my genes into the world.

Edited by TwiceHorn
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Onboard 2.0

Onboard 2.0 9083

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Just now, Hate said:

There are days when I wish I had said no to kids. I only have one and sometimes he is a pain in the ass. I have an aunt and uncle that never had kids and they always seem happy. They do whatever they want whenever they want.

 

Yep, totally a pain in the ass, and I miss the days of kids in the house, and on the playing fields more than the mostly total freedom I have today.

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Mrs Whiggins

Mrs Whiggins 13050

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1 hour ago, wild_turkey said:

I'm interested in peoples' thoughts on married couples who choose to not have children.

Have you chosen this path for yourself? If so then what were your reasons and how has that decision held up through the years? Any regrets down the road?

Do you have friends, family, or colleagues who have done this? Is your opinion positively or negatively impacted by their status as nonparents, or does that not enter the equation at all for you?

If you have a general positive or negative impression of this, then what factors into that? Morals, ethics, religion, impact on society, selfishness, narcissism, jealousy, etc?

I have children, but I have friends who do not. I don't have an opinion on their status as childless other than I figure it is their life and I consider it a private matter for them. It did make getting together more difficult when my children were younger, but you make it work out if all are agreeable to life circumstances changing plans sometimes. It can be nice to have conversations that are adult centered and with people from a variety of backgrounds and viewpoints.

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Bullneck

Bullneck 19090

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If you are not 100% certain you must have kids and there's just no way you can go through life without them (and your SO feels the same way), then have kids.  Even under the best of circumstances it can try your soul.*

If not, don't do it.

 

*(It can also be the biggest high you've ever experienced, but you have to want them really bad).

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Aqua Buddha

Aqua Buddha 14597

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2 hours ago, wild_turkey said:

I'm interested in peoples' thoughts on married couples who choose to not have children.

Have you chosen this path for yourself? If so then what were your reasons and how has that decision held up through the years? Any regrets down the road?

Do you have friends, family, or colleagues who have done this? Is your opinion positively or negatively impacted by their status as nonparents, or does that not enter the equation at all for you?

If you have a general positive or negative impression of this, then what factors into that? Morals, ethics, religion, impact on society, selfishness, narcissism, jealousy, etc?

The wife (no pics) and I have been married 12 years and we don't have kids, never wanted kids, and don't want them.  Never changed our minds, not one bit and we're in our mid 40's now.  Neither of us had a desire to have kids before we met.  So, I'm qualified to answer your questions.

Have you chosen this path for yourself?  If so then what were your reasons and how has that decision held up through the years? Any regrets down the road?

Yes.  No regrets and it's one of the reasons we married each other.  Neither of us particular like kids and selfishly, I guess, wanted to enjoy our lifestyle without being burdened by kids.  By "lifestyle," I mean not only money but time.  We like our freedom and being able to retire early.  (We're DINK's and both made good money.)  Before you accuse us of being "selfish," ask yourself how many people have kids thinking the kids will be taking care of them somedays.  (Note that doesn't always works out.  A lot of people are floating their kids for 40+ years.)

Do you have friends, family, or colleagues who have done this?

Yes, quite a few actually.  None have any regrets.

Is your opinion positively or negatively impacted by their status as non parents, or does that not enter the equation at all for you?

We're not impacted by their status at all.  To each their own.

If you have a general positive or negative impression of this, then what factors into that? Morals, ethics, religion, impact on society, selfishness, narcissism, jealousy, etc?

All of those factors might influence your decision to have kids but your life is your life.  If you're Hispanic Catholic and don't want kids, don't have them.  It's your life and not the life of your family.  If you want a lot of kids, then have a lot of kids, assuming you can afford that.

So, in short, it's a little bit of selfishness combined that we don't really like kids but there are people that like kids and are selfish for having them and that's fine.  Yes, there are downsides but there are upsides, too.  (Same with having kids.)  Although, we do laugh at people that are making some political statement by not having kids.  (How could I bring a kid into this world of global warming or whateverthefuck.)

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask.  

 

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TwiceHorn

TwiceHorn 31472

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It's kind of interesting because my FIL is Hungarian, having fled on foot before the Soviet invasion. He's big on maintaining birth rates.

Because Hungary has been kind of a hockey puck among European powers for centuries, getting carved up, split up, put back together in ways that aren't traditionally Hungarian, he's kind of obsessed with the survival of an identifiable Hungary. Like most western countries, their birth rate is tailing off and it's kind of magnified, because having thrown off the yoke of Soviet communism, young people are kind of selfish and materialistic.

So he chides young relatives there about having children.

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Underdog

Underdog 28644

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49 minutes ago, PenelopeWitherspoon said:

I have never wanted children. I also have zero desire to get married. Just not wired that way at all.

Interesting.  I’d imagine with your lifestyle a kid/husband could really hamper it.  Saw Anjelah Johnson last night and she mentioned her and her husband don’t want children, that she loved her life and being able to do what she does and not worrying about it lugging the kid around or having to find a babysitter.  My son is in his mid 30s and was married last year, wouldn’t surprise me if they went childless, would be disappointing for us but I’d understand.  It’s their life, do what’s best for you. 

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Iceman

Iceman 2713

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Posted
1 hour ago, MissingInAction said:

I am way too fucked in the head to be having any children. 

They would most assuredly become serial killers. 

Dogs get me, I get them, and thats good enough for me.

when your grown ass kids buy you beer trips and football tickets, it's a pretty damned rewarding time in life...

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Doc Reeves

Doc Reeves 6434

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I was the president of the ‘never having kids lobbying group’. I have pissed off countless girlfriends mothers/grandmothers at Thanksgiving by- not just voicing my hatred for children, but my overall disgust with breeders in general. 

i have ditched some pretty amazing people because I didn’t want kids and they did. I was really on the fence with having kids now, but as I got to my internal ‘age limit’ of 37, I don’t know, I flinched. I thought ‘no matter the benefit of not having kids, the fact remains that I would be missing out in a huge part of the human experience. Additionally, I don’t have a lot of family and if I don’t have children it’s the end of 2 families and one name. 

While my decision may have been different if I had a ton of nieces and nephews, I have twin girls right now and I can honestly say it’s wonderful. It’s a love you can never experience otherwise.  

To each, their own.

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Iceman

Iceman 2713

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Posted (edited)
6 minutes ago, Doc Reeves said:

I’m not trying to be a troll, just curious. How so? 

That's a legit question.

They are shitty as fuck parents who raised shitty kids.  Ask anyone in the school systems today.  I don't blame the kids.  It's the fucking parents who NEVER should have had kids.  Parenthood is NOT a right.

At least the people who didn't have kids didn't exponentially infect the world with their shittiness. i also agree with people saying it is a private choice.

Why the fuck would it matter to me?  It's their life.I love, love, love being a dad.  It's not for everyone.  I'm cool with that.

Edited by Iceman
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Pig Bellmont

Pig Bellmont 8719

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2 hours ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

I have children, but I have friends who do not. I don't have an opinion on their status as childless other than I figure it is their life and I consider it a private matter for them. It did make getting together more difficult when my children were younger, but you make it work out if all are agreeable to life circumstances changing plans sometimes. It can be nice to have conversations that are adult centered and with people from a variety of backgrounds and viewpoints.

I’m with this guy

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Doc Reeves

Doc Reeves 6434

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1 minute ago, Iceman said:

They are shitty as fuck parents who raised shitty kids.

At least the people who didn't have kids didn't exponentially infect the world with their shittiness.

I understand completely, however, I would just say that I’ve known many people who’ve become amazing people because their parents were shitty. Granted that’s the exception, but it is hope in the “Idiocracy” reality we seem to be spiraling towards.

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HOOKEM4

HOOKEM4 5037

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I have 2 kids and I honestly had kids because that's what you do when married. I love them 10x more than I ever thought was possible, but i would be lying if i didnt dream some days of the money and freedom i would have without them. Especially after one of their countless meltdowns over some of the dumbest shit. 

I do know a couple that wanted kids and couldn't have them and they seem to be half whole. Then another couple that never wanted them and they have a crazy life of freedom that seems awesome.

I know now, despite all the stupid shit you have to go through, there are times that you are absolutely blown away by them and it makes all the shit worth it. For me at least.

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Patricio Swayze

Patricio Swayze 17058

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My best bud growing up got married about 5 years ago. He is 42 and she is a few years younger. I don’t think they intend on having kids. A couple of years they lived in Chile, but are back in Austin. Now they are considering Korea or Japan (because of her work). They seem content to travel and have a lot of extra money while listening to the rest of his friends bitch about being tired or how much daycare costs.

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phdhorn

phdhorn 6224

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After your kids go, you're childless again (being serious).  And it sure feels good.  Plus you have 2 kids in the world which is also good.

I always had the fear of them growing up to be drug addicted pimps or prostitutes (anyone remember that great Cheers where Sam dreamt he had a son, only for him to end up being a crminial?  Funny as SHIT).

But both kids are happy and productive, so that makes it good.

It's really funny when you see how fast it goes.  However I would NEVER have wanted > 2 kids.... I can't imagine families with like 4-5 kids over 30 years or something... that would be tough.  My stretch was about 21 years and it was long enough.

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Bullneck

Bullneck 19090

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37 minutes ago, phdhorn said:

After your kids go, you're childless again (being serious).  And it sure feels good.  Plus you have 2 kids in the world which is also good.

I always had the fear of them growing up to be drug addicted pimps or prostitutes (anyone remember that great Cheers where Sam dreamt he had a son, only for him to end up being a crminial?  Funny as SHIT).

But both kids are happy and productive, so that makes it good.

It's really funny when you see how fast it goes.  However I would NEVER have wanted > 2 kids.... I can't imagine families with like 4-5 kids over 30 years or something... that would be tough.  My stretch was about 21 years and it was long enough.

"Never go from man to zone coverage."

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fattyflattie

fattyflattie 4639

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Posted (edited)
23 minutes ago, Bullneck said:

"Never go from man to zone coverage."

As evidenced last Saturday (ducks)

Our third is made up of the best from the first two and then some.  Couldn’t imagine it any other way.   There are ALOT of people who shouldn’t have had kids, but do because “supposed to”.  I know 2 couples that never did, not certain if they had tried or not, not my business.  

 

Edited by fattyflattie
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mchookem

mchookem 16336

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i chose this path. 

well, i chose an older man who already had children and a vasectomy, so yes, i chose this path.

no lie, there was a period from about age 32-36 when it got hard. really hard. i wasnt sure we were going to make it.

i didn't realize it then but in retrospect it's very clear my biological clock was fueling most of my difficulty during that time.

but we got past it.

looking back now, no regrets. i'm retiring before 50 in a couple of months. we travel, do what we want when we want, can pretty much afford anything we really want, have a 'healthy', uh, personal relationship lol.

i look at everything my friends have gone/are going through with their kids, how it changed them, how hard it is, how much emotional, mental and physical stress it causes them, how much money it costs them, how much risk there is in getting it wrong...no regrets at all. not for me.

call me shallow or whatever, i don't care. i'm happy and satisfied. 

but...i am a literal second mom to my niece, who has grown up living near me since she was 4, with my single mom sister. i have been able to focus resources and support and advice and guidance and supervision and all the things i would have used as a parent on her, and it shows. she's a fantastic, gifted kid with a bright future, off to college next year, and i'm proud of the role i played in that. i helped raise a great person who is going to contribute positively to the world. that's good enough for me. 

if i'd had my own, i wouldn't have been able to do that. i don't think it's an accident things turned out that way.

 

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Anastasis

Anastasis 23469

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I can't imagine life any other way. Spent the afternoon and early evening with the kids swimming on the lake.  Will spend Saturday running between three different soccer games, and Sunday sitting down with the boy planning out our hunting weekends for Nov and Dec. In between there will be a lot of yelling and misc nonsense.  I am really a terrible dad, but we have a lot of fun despite that. 

That all said, can't fault anyone who makes a different set of decisions in life, or for whom the decisions are already made.  When my wife and I started dating she told me about a number of issues she had that potentially precluded us from having kids. I was good with that if that's how it was gonna shake out. It didn't shake out that way. 

I will probably have to work until I am 90. 

More likely my big life insurance policies pay out. 

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Continental Op

Continental Op 3934

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4 hours ago, PenelopeWitherspoon said:

I have never wanted children. I also have zero desire to get married. Just not wired that way at all.

This.  There is not one married friend of mine that I would trade places with.  

As far as the kids thing goes, I've know since I was in my 20s that I didn't want them.  Zero regrets.  

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Incredulity

Incredulity 11674

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Father of 3.

Sometimes it is the best thing I ever did. Sometimes it is the worst thing I ever did.

Sometimes those times are only 5 min apart.

To be honest I would probably be dead without them.  Ran fairly hard before fatherhood and it wouldn’t have been sustainable.

If it is right for someone else to not have them I totally respect that decision.  Much better than half-assing it.

 

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Eastwood

Eastwood 4394

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12 minutes ago, Incredulity said:

Father of 3.

Sometimes it is the best thing I ever did. Sometimes it is the worst thing I ever did.

Sometimes those times are only 5 min apart.

To be honest I would probably be dead without them.  Ran fairly hard before fatherhood and it wouldn’t have been sustainable.

If it is right for someone else to not have them I totally respect that decision.  Much better than half-assing it.

 

This, except father of 2. The peaks are high, and the valleys are low. So low, in fact, that I got a vasectomy because I never want to experience children under the age of 5 that live with me ever again. But I love my children to death and couldn't imagine life without them.

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