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Lincoln Riley clubs puppies, hates America, and says the SEC is underrated


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Lincoln Riley loves Pantyhose and Aqua-Net.
Lincoln Riley loves smoking menthol cigarettes.
Lincoln Riley loves to tango in the street and eats only dark meat.

Lincoln Riley loves to dance to techno sounds in his buster browns.

Lincoln Riley is a Yono Oker.

Biddley bah boo, biddley bah boo, biddley bah boo, smoke !
 

 

 

 

 

 

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Lincoln Riley spends hours ogling the cedar trivets, soy candles, and the chic cheeseboards at Crate and Barrel.
Lincoln Riley is horrified by the sequined crop-tops he used to wear when he was 19 years old.
Lincoln Riley's personal e-mail inbox is categorized and neatly organized.
Lincoln Riley describes getting a Frappuccino as “naughty.
Lincoln Riley goes to the same three restaurants over and over.
Lincoln Riley would order spicy food off the menu, but he forgot his TUMS.
 

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Lincoln Riley keeps undersized fish.

Lincoln Riley keeps and eats hard-heads.

Lincoln Riley posts videos of his mom, his sister, and him on pornhub.

Lincoln Riley thinks that Reveille is the best mascot in college football.

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Lincoln Riley thinks Dave Chappelle should mind his own damned business.

Lincoln Riley prefers his tuna salad on a bed of lettuce.

Lincoln Riley's dog thinks he's a douche.

Lincoln Riley chews tobacco - but only when he's having sex.

 

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Lincoln Riley tears mattress tags off hotel mattresses.

Lincoln Riley thinks Parkay is better than butter.

Lincoln  Riley sends valentines to Paul Finebaum and Kirk Herpstreet.

 

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Lincoln Riley failed to cast the One Ring into the fires of Mt Doom, thinking he would have the willpower to weaponize its evil. It eventually lead to his ill fate. 

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