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Surly Dad Thread

BigDHornfan

By BigDHornfan
in Daily Texan

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ocugolf
ocugolf

Many of you know my story. Lost a daughter to still birth at 8 months about 6 years ago. Well after 6 years of frustration, disappointment, hundreds of thousands of dollars in doctor bills for IUI, IV

closetojumping
closetojumping

My 8th grader got into St. John's! The counselor told me about it last night, early, because he was excited to get him. The boy has been diagnosed with autism and is enduring his third straight year i

scottsins
scottsins

Hi guys! Just posting from our hospital room. Not even sure what day it is, but I’m all up in this thread now, after the arrival of my first and last born spawn at the spry age of 49. Do I get an o

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Modessit

Modessit 5,603

Posted
Posted
You talking labor time or time from stripping the membranes to labor starting? 
Kid #1: Water broke 8 days early at 11:30p. Got to hospital about 1am with no labor. Got half a pitocin pill about 4a. Full labor by 7a. Got the epidural. Baby born at 1:51p.

Kid #2: 6 days late despite 2cm dilation for about 2 weeks prior. Showed up at hospital at 7a for inducement. Doc popped the bag about 8a and gave her pitocin. Epidural went in about 9a. Baby born at 1:26p.
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PvilleStang

PvilleStang 2,917

Posted
Posted
7 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

Well I work with a bunch of millennials so I'll be trading 20 whiny babies for 1. 

You realize you're not taking off time for the baby, you're taking off time to help out your wife / gf.  I spent 4 weeks keeping her sane while she took care of the baby.  All the baby wants is his / her titty, then to sleep, then to crap.  Mama needs to bitch at someone during this process, and you're it!

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Skipper

Skipper 6,152

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, NorthLoop said:

Well I get 2 months paid paternity leave so FUCK YEAH VACATION 

I only had 2 weeks but I remembered thinking this.  Looking forward to all the shows I was going to catch up on, etc.   LOL.   Now this time with a 2 year old I'm trying to fully prepare myself for the shitshow of parenting with no sleep.

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bernorange

bernorange 8,362

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I got a fun letter in the mail yesterday.  Harris County Toll Road Authority sent me four separate invoices for 16 toll violations.  With fees, they want ~$200.  Apparently my 18yo hit the toll roads a few times while driving to BFE to see a girl ("his" car is still registered/titled to me).  Good thing he recently got hired and is gainfully employed again.

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Goofyboy

Goofyboy 3,293

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I got a fun letter in the mail yesterday.  Harris County Toll Road Authority sent me four separate invoices for 16 toll violations.  With fees, they want ~$200.  Apparently my 18yo hit the toll roads a few times while driving to BFE to see a girl ("his" car is still registered/titled to me).  Good thing he recently got hired and is gainfully employed again.


They will drop the fees if paid quickly, sometimes.
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Homercles

Homercles 10,206

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This story is as old as time but why do I have to pry my kids out of bed with a crowbar at 545a during the week but on the weekends the 2 and 5yo are up wide eyed at 0630...my wife is downtown this weekend with her cousin so I’m flying solo and just wanted one cup of coffee in peace.

My wife’s stepmother once bragged how she’d keep the kids up late to avoid this...we shared a look because that never fuckin works.

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Jkwellborn

Jkwellborn 6,713

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This story is as old as time but why do I have to pry my kids out of bed with a crowbar at 545a during the week but on the weekends the 2 and 5yo are up wide eyed at 0630...my wife is downtown this weekend with her cousin so I’m flying solo and just wanted one cup of coffee in peace.

My wife’s stepmother once bragged how she’d keep the kids up late to avoid this...we shared a look because that never fuckin works.

That’s all kids.
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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8,817

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This story is as old as time but why do I have to pry my kids out of bed with a crowbar at 545a during the week but on the weekends the 2 and 5yo are up wide eyed at 0630...my wife is downtown this weekend with her cousin so I’m flying solo and just wanted one cup of coffee in peace.

My wife’s stepmother once bragged how she’d keep the kids up late to avoid this...we shared a look because that never fuckin works.
Nothing's guaranteed in life. Also think the earth's axis to the sun has something to do with being heavy sleepers during the work week just to fuck you over on saturday
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Druggist

Druggist 303

Posted
Posted
On 2/11/2019 at 1:03 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

Pro tip: you can buy $1 Richard Nixon commemorative coins from the U.S. Mint. 

https://www.usmint.gov/coins/coin-medal-programs/presidential-dollar-coin/richard-nixon

My dad used to hand them out as tips to predictably entertaining results. I plan for our Tooth Fairy to traffic in these as well. 

Our tooth fairy leaves $2 bills.  I like the Nixon coin.  Maybe she will leave those for molars which will start coming out soon.

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hornian

hornian 5,222

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The 3 yo projectile vomited right after he was done with his bath, pjs, teeth brushing routine. So I have that going for me, which is nice. 

I bet you dollars to donuts I'm fine tomorrow and go to work, and then catch whatever he has that made him puke and feel like I was hit with a sledgehammer on Saturday and Sunday and don't get to enjoy my weekend. And then feel fine to go into work on Monday. 

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hornian

hornian 5,222

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Posted
9 hours ago, hornian said:

The 3 yo projectile vomited right after he was done with his bath, pjs, teeth brushing routine. So I have that going for me, which is nice. 

I bet you dollars to donuts I'm fine tomorrow and go to work, and then catch whatever he has that made him puke and feel like I was hit with a sledgehammer on Saturday and Sunday and don't get to enjoy my weekend. And then feel fine to go into work on Monday. 

I would have lost that bet. Woke up at 3 am and puked my guts out. 

Still have to go to work - I have a mediation I can’t reachedule. Good times. 

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Bo

Bo 139

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Posted
I would have lost that bet. Woke up at 3 am and puked my guts out. 
Still have to go to work - I have a mediation I can’t reachedule. Good times. 


That sucks man, hope you recovered quick for the weekend.

My 18 month old has been driving us nuts with his sleep regression. It’s been about a week now, hope he can go back to normal soon so we (mostly my wife) can all get better sleep. Fun times.
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Prepuce of Doom

Prepuce of Doom 21,093

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Doomlet put us through the ringer with a much unappreciated sleep regression from about 9 months to about 10-11 months and we (well, Mrs. Doom - I can sleep through anything) got desperate enough that we paid some lady on the internet to create us a sleep plan for him. 

Sounds absurd, but it seemed to work out well. Basically just amounted to establishing a schedule (totally absent before) and sticking to it (we did for about a year) and it worked like a charm. 

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1000 Miles to Austin

1000 Miles to Austin 21

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Posted
I would have lost that bet. Woke up at 3 am and puked my guts out. 
Still have to go to work - I have a mediation I can’t reachedule. Good times. 

My 1 year old caused the entire family and nanny to come down with the projectile vomit bug. It was short lived but put the wife in the hospital for IV fluids. She is pregnant so extra caution was taken.
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NorthLoop

NorthLoop 14,218

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:
9 hours ago, NorthLoop said:
At the hospital. Doc broke her water and now we wait. Should have a baby boy NorthLoop here today.

Sheesh... you stripped a week ago didnt you?

Yeah. We had a couple false labors in the middle of the night last week but he wasn't ready. Wife went ahead and got induced today. 

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Loco

Loco 3,753

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Posted

So you guys seem to be on the early side of things... a window into things to come 

On Valentines day, on the way into school,  my 15 yr old son asked if we could stop at the grocery store so that he could get some candy for a girl he likes.  

Latter that evening...

Me:  Hey how'd school go today?  Did Jane like the candy you bought her?

Son:  I don't know, she didn't have any of it

Me:  Oh, well was it awkward when you gave her the candy?

Son: No

Me: Good, I know you asked Jane out before, and she wasn't interested, just make sure not to be the creepy guy that can't take a hint, ok?

Son: Yeah, it's not like that.  We decided not to date, but just to be friends with benefits...

Me: Uuuuh Do you know what that means?

Narrator: He knows what that means

/scene

 

In our next episode...  buy condoms for your son or make him buy them?

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High Plains Drifter

High Plains Drifter 11,050

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Congratulations to all you lucky fathers.

 

My 8 yr old woke me up this morning at about 5 am with blood smeared all over her face, hands, hair, pajamas, bed, bathroom sink, and toilet. She had a nosebleed in the night, slept through it, then woke up to go the bathroom and hadn't realized until she looked in the bathroom mirror. Wife is of course out of town on business. So 5 am bath, including hair washing, and laundry on top of the normal morning routine.

 

So, you poor bastards have things like that to look forward to.

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High Plains Drifter

High Plains Drifter 11,050

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5 hours ago, Loco said:

So you guys seem to be on the early side of things... a window into things to come 

On Valentines day, on the way into school,  my 15 yr old son asked if we could stop at the grocery store so that he could get some candy for a girl he likes.  

Latter that evening...

Me:  Hey how'd school go today?  Did Jane like the candy you bought her?

Son:  I don't know, she didn't have any of it

Me:  Oh, well was it awkward when you gave her the candy?

Son: No

Me: Good, I know you asked Jane out before, and she wasn't interested, just make sure not to be the creepy guy that can't take a hint, ok?

Son: Yeah, it's not like that.  We decided not to date, but just to be friends with benefits...

Me: Uuuuh Do you know what that means?

Narrator: He knows what that means

/scene

 

In our next episode...  buy condoms for your son or make him buy them?

 

Go buy them with him.

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Loco

Loco 3,753

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Posted
Just now, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Go buy them with him.

Should I dress like a priest?

Yeah I am leaning towards giving him advice, but make him go in and buy them...

  1. I don't need him to be asking me every week to go buy him condoms
  2. I want to be sure he is not too shy to go get them when he needs them

For other Dad's out there...  just know you need to have "the talk" before middle school.  Yes, middle school. Kids will see and hear EVERYTHING before the end of 6th grade.   We have always been open about the biological facts of life and don't stigmatize the subject at all.  Still though, it's weird. 

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