Surly Dad Thread

[Chad Fuck 17777]

I’ve struggled with my temper lately. Our kids are almost 7(boy) and 4(girl). They bicker and fight constantly. It seemingly never ends. They get fantastic reports at school, church and with other parents At home it seems like a different version of them. They rarely ever get a spanking but man I can let out a lion’s roar that sends them running. It ends up at that point usually after having to ask multiple times for something simple to be done, like a chore or picking up toys.

I’m sure it’s normal but it just doesn’t resonate with me since my sister and I were close and she doted on me and when my parents asked me to do something I did it. I asked them this to make sure I wasn’t acting the same way.

Anyway, just disappointed that I’ve been yelling a lot. It’s out of character for me.

From the time my brother and I realized each other existed, until the time I was a sophomore in high school, we fought and bickered constantly. I don’t know how my parents (or others) put up with it.

[3adays 454]

My soon to be 3yr old daughter has always been a Daddy’s girl, but she’s starting to favor Mommy. I don’t know where I went wrong. Mommy does ALL the yelling and most of the disciplinary shit. I do whatever she wants. I know I shouldn’t be pissed. But goddamnit, I am! 

[tbone_ 14161]

A) don’t do whatever they want. Kids need and respond well to boundaries. b) make sure to talk to her and listen to her. Lots. And don’t stop. This will be an important habit for you guys to be in as she gets older. C) be the fun one.

 

Follow those and you’ll do fine.

 

[Goofyboy 3296]

I’ve struggled with my temper lately. Our kids are almost 7(boy) and 4(girl). They bicker and fight constantly. It seemingly never ends. They get fantastic reports at school, church and with other parents At home it seems like a different version of them. They rarely ever get a spanking but man I can let out a lion’s roar that sends them running. It ends up at that point usually after having to ask multiple times for something simple to be done, like a chore or picking up toys.

I’m sure it’s normal but it just doesn’t resonate with me since my sister and I were close and she doted on me and when my parents asked me to do something I did it. I asked them this to make sure I wasn’t acting the same way.

Anyway, just disappointed that I’ve been yelling a lot. It’s out of character for me.

Dumb question, but do you spend one on one time with the separately - where they get to pick the activity?
Our therapist (my 8 year old has serious emotional issues) had us doing “special time.” 10 minutes (Timed) activity of what they want to do. It will give them a break from each other. It will re-enforce your bond with both kids. It gives them an opportunity to have a little control.

Good luck. Parenting is a real bitch. Everything I thought I knew about parenting went right out the window when my son was about 3. Brilliant kid... huge emotional problems - but not on any spectrum.

[Nivek 16986]

My oldest (soon to be 6M) started his first day of kinder Thursday.  Had a great first day, only problem was talking about penises and being naked...my man.  
My girl turns 3 on Monday and is my absolute PITA, pain in the ass.  I still do anything she asks, I’m doomed.  
On a side note I heard a joke years ago about how ‘everyone who drives slower than you is a moron while everyone faster is crazy’. 
As a father of two youngins my current feeling is everyone with fewer kids than you has it relatively easy and everyone with more kids than you is crazy.  Was talking with a coworker who has two young ones and wants four, I looked at him like an Chad Briscoe offering ‘rittles’...my 6yo can dress himself, brush teeth, occupy himself with a tablet from 6-8am solo, and cleans up on his own.  That’ll be the promised land when my girl is that age and is somewhat self sufficient, I’m done with babies and toddlers, fuckin terrorists.  

I choose to embrace the suck mentality. I know I will miss it one day. Mine are 7/5/2 and while they can be a bit much at times, I enjoy the illogical silliness, explorations, experiments, and helping the, learn.

They know OU sucks, and I told them a few night time stories where the bad guys were the Barry Switzer gang. The good guys put them in jail.

[texanbychoice 354]

They grow so fast.

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2740]

Dumb question, but do you spend one on one time with the separately - where they get to pick the activity?
Our therapist (my 8 year old has serious emotional issues) had us doing “special time.” 10 minutes (Timed) activity of what they want to do. It will give them a break from each other. It will re-enforce your bond with both kids. It gives them an opportunity to have a little.

Good question. I get time alone with them separately but not sure I let them pick the activity. Usually catch with my son or helping me with honey dos or drawing with daughter when time allows.
Most activities are with both on the weekends.

[atomheartbevo 89799]

21 hours ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

I’ve struggled with my temper lately. Our kids are almost 7(boy) and 4(girl). They bicker and fight constantly. It seemingly never ends. They get fantastic reports at school, church and with other parents At home it seems like a different version of them. They rarely ever get a spanking but man I can let out a lion’s roar that sends them running. It ends up at that point usually after having to ask multiple times for something simple to be done, like a chore or picking up toys.

I’m sure it’s normal but it just doesn’t resonate with me since my sister and I were close and she doted on me and when my parents asked me to do something I did it. I asked them this to make sure I wasn’t acting the same way.

Anyway, just disappointed that I’ve been yelling a lot. It’s out of character for me.

Join the club.  My kids (6/3) are the same, and I yell.  They love to goad each other, and what's worse, once will tell the other to try and provoke me.  My 3 year-old thinks she's 13 or something, and has one helluva temper - she'll take a swing at her brother when she's pissed.  They are also normally behaved at school, church, parties, etc.

I must have been shitty towards my parents at that age, to deserve this.

[Goofyboy 3296]

Give it a shot. It helped us with communication with our son. Playing robots 10 minutes with a 4 year old was a beating, but it helped so much. Good luck.

[Sandman 3412]

My twins just started their senior year of high school. I'm excited for them to be finished but I'm not quite ready for them to be legal adults. Plus it means I'm old. 

[Mole 4333]

On 8/16/2019 at 7:47 PM, tbone_ said:

Pics of medieval sister in law?

Most medieval musicologists I know look like they’re cosplaying Ringo Starr.

[BradInATX 9208]

Also, my 2nd child (girl) is now one day late, on pins and needles. Fucking terrified of having a 1.5 yr old and newborn. I HATED the first 6 months of newborn.

I had four months paid paternity leave during my first but only six weeks for this one.

I'm glad to see someone else admit that. My wife and I are about to pull the goalie for #2 (#1 is 11 months). I made a passing comment that I'd skip the first 6 months if possible and everyone thought I was crazy. Screw that. 6-12 months has been an absolute blast but I'm dreading the first 6 months. Especially the first 3.

[Austinvines 318]

My twins just started their senior year of high school. I'm excited for them to be finished but I'm not quite ready for them to be legal adults. Plus it means I'm old. 

Right there with you and we just celebrated my sons’ 18th bday (born at 32 weeks so we redshirted them). They are our first, second and last kids so when they go, the spouse and I are in for quite an adjustment.

[atomheartbevo 89799]

17 hours ago, Sandman said:

My twins just started their senior year of high school. I'm excited for them to be finished but I'm not quite ready for them to be legal adults. Plus it means I'm old. 

I’m a man (over 40) and I’m going to be armybrat old when my 3 and 6 year-olds are in college.  

[Sandman 3412]

36 minutes ago, atomheartbevo said:

I’m a man (over 40) and I’m going to be armybrat old when my 3 and 6 year-olds are in college.  

When it comes to toddlers/little kids, my patience has been worn away. I couldn't do it now (over 40 as well). I salute you, Sir. 

[HoustonFrog 368]

I'm glad to see someone else admit that. My wife and I are about to pull the goalie for #2 (#1 is 11 months). I made a passing comment that I'd skip the first 6 months if possible and everyone thought I was crazy. Screw that. 6-12 months has been an absolute blast but I'm dreading the first 6 months. Especially the first 3.

I’d pay big money to skip the first 6 months, especially the first 6 weeks and whenever the 3-4 month sleep regression hits. That was one of the worst weeks of my life

[mushroomface 62]

37 minutes ago, HoustonFrog said:

 

I’d pay big money to skip the first 6 months, especially the first 6 weeks and whenever the 3-4 month sleep regression hits. That was one of the worst weeks of my life

Agreed. That period was hell on earth. My son was good after the first sleep regression. At about 3.5 months he was sleeping the entire night.

[atomheartbevo 89799]

3 hours ago, Sandman said:

When it comes to toddlers/little kids, my patience has been worn away. I couldn't do it now (over 40 as well). I salute you, Sir. 

At least once a day the thought crosses my mind that we should have had kids earlier in life.

I will have a 16 year-old daughter when I'm 60.

I'm going to need a lot of Depends.

[tbone_ 14161]

About to be 51. Kiddo is 12. I was 38 when she was born.

 

I would have definitely started earlier if I had it to do over again for a couple of reasons: 1) whatever I thought back in the day was more important that having kids was wrong, but I had no idea. 2) She doesn’t give a shit that dad is old and tired, though it does help keep you young, 3) changes how you have to think about life insurance and retirement planning. Last thing in the world I want to do is be a financial burden on her before she’s capable of handling it. I never thought of this before. 4) if we’d started 10 years earlier that would be 10 extra years on the back end that we won’t get now.

 

[Modessit 5603]

I’m a man (over 40) and I’m going to be armybrat old when my 3 and 6 year-olds are in college.  

Same. I'll be 62 when my oldest turns 18 and 65 when my youngest turns 18.

 

[You don't know me 1161]

On 8/14/2019 at 8:18 PM, BrazilHorn said:

My oldest son (going into 7th grade). Picks up his pads/equipment for football on Friday. It's his first time to play tackle. He did flag football for 1-6th grade.

He's a tall, rangy-fast kid. So I can see WR/Safety/DE (in terms of Middle School)

Any Surly dads gone through middle school football that have some tips/advice etc?

I'm not sure if it's tips or advice, but in my experience middle school coaches are not the cream of the crop of the coaches in the district.  If they were good coaches, they'd probably be at the high school.  There will likely be a ton of kids out there, so the kids don't get the attention that most of them need.  Basically, all the boys play in 7th grade and then it slowly dwindles in 8th and 9th.  I've had boys play for middle school and youth football leagues in middle school.  When we lived in Texas, they had middle school ball.  My 17 year old (going into his senior year) played middle school in 7th grade.  Then when we moved up to Missouri, they didn't have middle school ball, so he played youth league.  He was fortunate that the youth coach that year was a former high school varsity head coach and had taken a position as a principal, so no high school coaching anymore.  That was the year that my son turned it on.  Best coaching he ever had. 

In short, it depends on the coaching staff at the middle school.  Good luck and I hope he enjoys it.

[Wiler77 1576]

7 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

4) if we’d started 10 years earlier that would be 10 extra years on the back end that we won’t get now.

 

Yea, but the flip side to that is you got 10 extra years on the front end, where presumably you are more active, healthy, etc.  Maybe not as much money, though.

I'm 42 and my kids are 8, 5, and 2.  I'm quite happy we waited as long as we did.  My wife went to grad school that enabled a great career.  We were a lot more financially stable than if we had started right away.  That relieves a lot of stress on marriage.  And I absolutely think chasing 3 little boys around at my age keeps me younger.

[tbone_ 14161]

True. But 10 years younger for me would have been 28. It was probably time to go ahead and grow up at 28.

[Chad Fuck 17777]

I’m a man (over 40) and I’m going to be armybrat old when my 3 and 6 year-olds are in college.  

See you there!

[Sandman 3412]

1 hour ago, tbone_ said:

True. But 10 years younger for me would have been 28. It was probably time to go ahead and grow up at 28.

That's me, I was 28 when mine were born. I didn't think I was ready but looking back, I wouldn't have been ready at 38, either.

It's funny, January 1st 2001, I was 27, unmarried (engaged) and had no kids. On December 31st, I was 28, married and had 2 biological kids. WTF was I thinking?

[Mr. Blutarsky 133]

On 8/16/2019 at 12:31 PM, HoustonFrog said:

Also, my 2nd child (girl) is now one day late, on pins and needles. Fucking terrified of having a 1.5 yr old and newborn. I HATED the first 6 months of newborn.

I had four months paid paternity leave during my first but only six weeks for this one.

I'm in the same boat, just a little a head of you.

My boys are 21 months a part with the first one turning two next month and the baby hitting two months tomorrow. Sleep is for the week. The ramp up for us seemed extremely rushed due to the wife (no pics) being put on bed rest and the little guy showing up at 37 weeks, but as exhausting as it's been it's awesome. What seems to have helped us out the most is helping the toddler take ownership of it.  When we needed to move him out of the nursery to make room for the new guy, he "helped" me paint and ready his big boy room. We got him so excited about the big boy room and big boy bed that he hasn't attempted to escape once since leaving the crib three months ago. He's also in charge of bringing the bottles over to his brother when its feeding time and a lot of other things like that. Ownership on his part has been huge. 

As to the newborn, drinking helps. So does alternating with the wife and accepting help when family or friends offer, but mostly the drinking. 

 

It's exhausting, but it's also the best damn thing in the world. 

[jkates 316]

Tuned up his bow yesterday and met a Hall of Farmer.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Prepuce of Doom 21103]

I also feel like we waited too long to hatch the Doomlet. I was 39, Mrs. was 40. We can't imagine going through it all again at this point (43 and 44....and 4) but I'm pretty bummed that he's going to be an only child. I was an only child for 9 years until my brother was adopted at a few weeks old, and I remember just how much I wanted a sibling and how envious I was of all my friends who always had a playmate and partner in crime. He and I are very close now, but we were too far apart in age to share any experiences as peers (or close enough) until he was in high school.

We mostly waited (and had a hell of a time just the two of us in the process) so that I could finish grad school and get financially stable, and now I have a job that I worked really hard to get and which keeps me away from my family more than I expected or want. WOMPwomp.

I think that it's probably a lot different being an only child these days, what with the internet and other connectivity than it was back in the '80s, so I guess he won't be quite as lonely as I was - or at least that's what I'm hoping for.

On a different note, I put a bunch of cicada shells on his bedroom window yesterday.

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4977]

The first little Mr. NAAL is due in about five weeks. He will join his older sister who will be 3 in three weeks. Gonna have to remember that bit about making her take ownership. It's about time she started pulling her own weight around here anyhow. Hopefully he will come early for a successful VBAC, but not so early that their birthdays are right on top of each other.

[Mr. Blutarsky 133]

45 minutes ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

The first little Mr. NAAL is due in about five weeks. He will join his older sister who will be 3 in three weeks. Gonna have to remember that bit about making her take ownership. It's about time she started pulling her own weight around here anyhow. Hopefully he will come early for a successful VBAC, but not so early that their birthdays are right on top of each other.

It's worth it, make it an accomplishment and something to be excited about and she'll buy right in. We've definitely had a lot of him being clingy, but that's been that worst of it.

[Hate 20145]

I also feel like we waited too long to hatch the Doomlet. I was 39, Mrs. was 40. We can't imagine going through it all again at this point (43 and 44....and 4) but I'm pretty bummed that he's going to be an only child. I was an only child for 9 years until my brother was adopted at a few weeks old, and I remember just how much I wanted a sibling and how envious I was of all my friends who always had a playmate and partner in crime. He and I are very close now, but we were too far apart in age to share any experiences as peers (or close enough) until he was in high school.

We mostly waited (and had a hell of a time just the two of us in the process) so that I could finish grad school and get financially stable, and now I have a job that I worked really hard to get and which keeps me away from my family more than I expected or want. WOMPwomp.

I think that it's probably a lot different being an only child these days, what with the internet and other connectivity than it was back in the '80s, so I guess he won't be quite as lonely as I was - or at least that's what I'm hoping for.

On a different note, I put a bunch of cicada shells on his bedroom window yesterday.

That’s almost exactly like we were. I always envisioned having several kids but we ended up with one. I also was 39 when he was born. Now he just turned 11 and it’s hard to find the energy to entertain him all the time. Thank god he’s a free range kid and has lots of friend la in the neighborhood. That’s my advice. Let him be feee range and make as many friends as possible.

[hornian 5223]

I’m 36, oldest will be 4 in October and youngest will be 1 next month. I want one more- probably try next year. I’ll be 38 when #3 gets here if it happens as planned (in my head, wife is still undecided - she’s 31 now though so she’s maybe not feeling the march of time as much as me). If it works out I’d be 50 when oldest is 18, then 53 when #2, and 58 for #3. That seems doable. Just hope I stick around long enough to see grandkids at that point. And a MNC or two. 

[Goofyboy 3296]

We wanted two. We stopped at 1. I was 32 when he was born. We waited a few years and decided that he was enough. I wanted a daughter, but not enough to take a chance and have another boy. She felt the same.

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4977]

I will be 34 in October. Oldest will be 3 at the the beginning of September with her baby brother due late September. Wife wants two more, but I'm more of a wait and see type guy. Definitely don't want to be pushing retirement when the kids graduate high school, so if we have more it will hopefully be pretty quick. Given the trouble we went through for this last one that may not be an easy task, though.

[Prepuce of Doom 21103]

6 hours ago, Hate said:

 

That’s almost exactly like we were. I always envisioned having several kids but we ended up with one. I also was 39 when he was born. Now he just turned 11 and it’s hard to find the energy to entertain him all the time. Thank god he’s a free range kid and has lots of friend la in the neighborhood. That’s my advice. Let him be feee range and make as many friends as possible.

 

Thanks! 

Yeah, we're very much planning on giving him freedom to roam. We are infuriated and appalled by all the helicopter micromanaged bullshit that seems to have taken root since our childhoods. We just recently bought a house in a neighborhood that has tons of kids his age and plenty of places for kids to play - forest preserves, parks, school playgrounds and accessible sports fields, etc. 

[next2naus 439]

On 8/16/2019 at 1:31 PM, HoustonFrog said:

. I HATED the first 6 months of newborn.

I had four months paid paternity leave during my first but only six weeks for this one.

1) why the first six If you have baby nurse and or nanny, its a not that hard

2) boo fucking hoo on the leave. Most offer no official leave. 

[next2naus 439]

16 hours ago, Chad Fuck said:

Quote

I’m a man (over 40) and I’m going to be armybrat old when my 3 and 6 year-olds are in college.  

See you there!

Ditto. I'm turning 48 this month with 2 year old twins! 

[SydneyCarton 48170]

I turn 40 this year, and my wife just turned 38. Our kiddo is now almost 2, and I really just don't think having a second is a good idea, for reasons of our age, financials, and just imagining starting over with another guy at this point seeming like a LOT. My wife also had health issues with the nugget we have, and that makes me really, really nervous. But I know that not that deep down she really wants another one, even though she knows it's probably not a good idea. 

[orange dream 1256]

We had our first two kids a couple of years apart when my wife and I were 28-31 range.  Then we had a bonus baby when we were 41 & 40 respectively.  Once we got past the initial shock it has been pretty amazing having a little one again.  He is now 6 and starting 1st grade this week.  It has been exhausting having teens and toddlers at the same time.  Last year we dropped our oldest at college and the baby at Kindergarten. WOW.

We have been more relaxed with this one and let more stuff fall in the "it'll be ok" category while trying  to enjoy the journey.

[Mr. Blutarsky 133]

Lots of old dads of young uns around here.

We squeezed out the second boy a month and a half shy of my 43rd birthday, the wife is 35. The sleep deprivation and soreness that comes from having two under two while in your forties is tough, I can't imagine it any other way. While I'm sure I would have been a good dad in my 20's I feel that I'm just overall better built for it today.  Plus it's extra fun for the family on my side as the grand kids go 27, 24, 22, 23 months and two months. It's been a blast so far.

 

[BradInATX 9208]

Some of ya'll are making me feel much better about the fact that I'll be 38 when kid #2 (last one) will be born.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8821]

Wife photographed a senior session for someone the other night and she swore the mom(no pics of wife, mom or senior) was her age.


So basically she had her kid at 20-22. I would die if I lost those years. Wife agrees.

So yea better late than early, but I suppose you gotta play the hand you're dealt if you're blessed with one that early. Pregnancies, baby's, labor etc. Isnt guaranteed

[MNLonghornFUKM 8821]

I will be 34 in October. Oldest will be 3 at the the beginning of September with her baby brother due late September. Wife wants two more, but I'm more of a wait and see type guy. Definitely don't want to be pushing retirement when the kids graduate high school, so if we have more it will hopefully be pretty quick. Given the trouble we went through for this last one that may not be an easy task, though.

Good lord...your wife is insane. 2 more after this one???

2 is the magic number me boi. You wont have any time to enjoy your lives in your late 30s early 40s...then 4 kids to haul around for activities when they're old enough will bring you to 50. Yeesh

[pearlandhorn 3274]

I had just turned 28 when my now 3 year old was born.  Wife was 27.  We were married young (I was 23, she was 22).  We waited to have kids to travel and let me get established in my career.  A lot of people we encounter don't agree with getting married so young.  Fuck it - we work for each other and get along great.

We're one and done in the kid department though.  Hated the first 6/9 months.  My son is cool now.  Love him more than anything in this world.  Wife had a bunch of health problems post c-section and about a year ago, her doc said "if you're planning on having another kid, now is the time."  She looked at me...I laughed, she laughed - it was like the yao ming laugh meme. 

I'll be 46 when he graduates from high school, 50 (hopefully) when he graduates from college.  Timeline has set up nicely.  If I have to tell one more person to mind their own business when I tell them we're one and done, I may lose my shit.  We're fully aware.  We put him around other kids all the time to learn social dynamics and interactions with other kids.  I don't want an awkward only child.

[Patricio Swayze 17058]

I was 39 when we had our first daughter (wife was 35). We had been trying for almost 2 years and had to go the IVF route. I was 50/50 on having another because of money (partially due to the fact I thought we would have to go IVF again), but also of how exhausting it all was. My wife definitely wanted a second. So 2 years later, and by accident, we had our second daughter. I guess my super sperm knocked something loose in my wife. Kind of like how we all have done with South Austin’s mom. Having two this young and me being 42, is a beating. I love them and wouldn’t change anything, but god damn I am tired.


Also, y’all are slipping...

Pics of medieval sister in law?

[next2naus 439]

1 hour ago, BradInATX said:

Some of ya'll are making me feel much better about the fact that I'll be 38 when kid #2 (last one) will be born.

fuck you?

[BradInATX 9208]

17 minutes ago, next2naus said:

fuck you?

Nah, wasn't mean to be a shot. I've just always been a little terrified of being an older dad, but hearing your stories eases the anxiety a little bit.

[SquishMitten 10435]

Oldest started kindergarten today. Thought it would be harder than it was, but we were standing outside the school for so long in the heat that I couldn't feel any emotion other than "why the fuck is it so gotdamn hot and humid and why did I get dressed for work BEFORE coming here!?!?"

[Modessit 5603]

My oldest started kindergarten today too. They grow up so fast.

 

 

[next2naus 439]

1 hour ago, BradInATX said:

Nah, wasn't mean to be a shot. I've just always been a little terrified of being an older dad, but hearing your stories eases the anxiety a little bit.

I feel you. My dad passed at age 52, I was a teen and here I am at 48 with twin toddlers. shit is stressful if you let it be.