Surly Dad Thread

[South Austin 52463]

On 10/21/2022 at 1:49 PM, Celery Man said:

sanity check on tantrums at 18 months. I'm of course doing some reading from people who are actually qualified/etc but wanted to gauge y'all's experience as well (as my wife is wondering out loud if this is "normal"). 18 month old toddler is having some fairly sizable meltdowns - she wants a snack from the pantry but it's not time for a snack, that's a meltdown. I just heard a fuck ton of screaming and wailing from downstairs which apparently was because my wife wouldn't let her run into the pond or run across the street. Just, that kind of stuff leading to end of the world meltdowns - this is normal and to be expected from a new human experiencing big emotions for the first time yeah?

For what it's worth, my youngest kid had terrible tantrums as a toddler through the elementary years.  What made it worse is that it was a complete 180 from his older sister, who seemed like the easiest kid in the world.  Like others have said, I never ratcheted up my emotions in response, but calmly held firm to my position and wouldn't give in to whatever his impulses were demanding. 

So when I split from his mom right before his third grade year, I was terrified that it would put him over the edge and his temper would be an absolute shitshow.  But here's the funny thing -- he's been almost a model kid after the divorce.  The tantrums are a thing of the distant past, he's willing to help around the house, he does things when asked even if he's really not in the mood (things like showering and folding his laundry), and so far in his first year of middle school he's a straight A student.  And without going too much into some pre-divorce issues, the relationship between us as a father and son has grown stronger.

Every kid is different, and that doesn't really help for your situation.  Some emotional issues very early on can be a sign of a larger, longer-term issue.  Others are simply because toddlers can be little assholes used to their own little world revolving around them, and they work out of that emotional mindset as they mature.  In any event, I think the key is to respond without much emotion and remaining firm and even-keeled.  Matching their emotions is not a recipe for success. 

[Snake Diggity 4621]

There is absolutely nothing worse than having sick kids.  This is the 3rd Halloween my daughter has been sick.  She’s 4 years old.  She was only sick for a week and it was never that bad, but we had the shit luck that my older daughter didn’t catch it until the very end so now we’re starting all over.  Worst part is the older one always sports very high fevers.  Extremely hard not to panic when you see those 104s coming up on the thermometer.  My mind always goes to the worst.  I‘m fit for a fucking straight jacket.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

There is absolutely nothing worse than having sick kids.  This is the 3rd Halloween my daughter has been sick.  She’s 4 years old.  She was only sick for a week and it was never that bad, but we had the shit luck that my older daughter didn’t catch it until the very end so now we’re starting all over.  Worst part is the older one always sports very high fevers.  Extremely hard not to panic when you see those 104s coming up on the thermometer.  My mind always goes to the worst.  I‘m fit for a fucking straight jacket.

My daughter missed 2 days of school last week with something. Went back Thursday. Just know you’re not alone, come to this thread to let er out.


Also know it won’t be the last time this year that they’ll get sick. Your timing absolutely sucks tho. Assuming your kid never got to trick or treat. Oof.

[hookemATL 11714]

Eldest caught the flu after dealing with a nagging sinus infection. Luckily she was able to do some trick or treating and only missed Monday at school. Youngest had a nagging cold that required meds but thankfully past it for now. 
 

damn kids are just germ magnets. This time of year I feel lucky to go a week without some type of nagging sickness bullshit rearing it’s head. 

[High Plains Drifter 11035]

On 10/31/2022 at 8:13 PM, Post Oak said:

How many Fentanyl did y'all get tonight? We only got two so I'm a little disappointed.

 

no fentanyl, but we did get a consolation razor blade.

 

[atomheartbevo 89648]

Netflix is reviving the fucking Teletubbies.

[YGIFS 19450]

If we can somehow get the Paw Patrol infected with rabies, get the teletubbies to ingest Fentanyl, and let them all work it out on the shires of adventure bay...i'm all for it.

[Mrs Whiggins 13050]

On 10/21/2022 at 1:49 PM, Celery Man said:

sanity check on tantrums at 18 months. .... this is normal and to be expected from a new human experiencing big emotions for the first time yeah?

Adding to what others have said, most of the time, yes it is and hang in there. @South Austin has great advice about keeping an even temperament although it can be hard when everyone's nerves are frayed.

Yes, I'm not a Dad so I'm crashing but I lurk on this thread now and then because you all have great children and (no creeper)  they are adorable so it puts a smile on my face when I get down.

Now, for my Dad anecdote (via being the proxy) and then I'll go back to lurking.

When our two oldest were a little older than yours, Celery Man...I think the younger was around 2-3 and older sis was maybe 6?...anyway, I was out of the house for the morning and husband was home with them. Later I was helping my son in the bathroom as he still required assistance with some of his potty skills and his poop was rather odd looking and with bright green in it.

I ask my husband: um, what did you all eat while I was out?

Several Nancy Drew lines of questioning later, it turns out that son had a meltdown while I was out and tried to hit husband (I blame that on the little Christian soldiers of son's play group but that is another story) and we didn't allow hitting nor spanking so husband sat him down in the kitchen with some play clay and was singing a little song we had come up with riffing from the Mr. Rogers song 'What Do You Do With The Mad That You Feel?' only my husband is singing

When we're mad we hit clay, not people. When we're mad we play with clay (you get the idea and it worked with a variety of inanimate objects). Son calms down and is playing with the clay so husband starts rustling up some lunch.

Meanwhile, it turns out that big sister thought it was hilarious to dance around the kitchen and sing, "When we're mad we eat clay, not people. When we're mad we all eat clay."

Yep.

Having a sense of humor helps a lot and as frustrating as the tantrums can be, you can teach them how to handle those emotions.

 

 

I have to add, although it sounds like big sister had bad motives, it really didn't go down like that. Our family is pretty close and the group chats on our phones are simultaneously amusing and heartwarming.

 

[South Austin 52463]

4 minutes ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

Later I was helping my son in the bathroom as he still required assistance with some of his potty skills and his poop was rather odd looking and with bright green in it.

Oh my God, she called the shit "poop"!

[ocugolf 1214]

Today is 3 years from when our baby died 8 months pregnant. I’ll never forget coming here and just writing. I don’t know if it made any sense or you all were just amazing advocates and friends on this platform we call surly. 3 years later, it still sucks. The wife neeeeeeeds a kid. But it could be a lot, lot worse and thanks forever for giving me a place to vent. Love you guys.

[hookemATL 11714]

2 minutes ago, ocugolf said:

Today is 3 years from when our baby died 8 months pregnant. I’ll never forget coming here and just writing. I don’t know if it made any sense or you all were just amazing advocates and friends on this platform we call surly. 3 years later, it still sucks. The wife neeeeeeeds a kid. But it could be a lot, lot worse and thanks forever for giving me a place to vent. Love you guys.

I am so sorry.  Sending out good vibes for the future for your family. Thank you for sharing.

[YGIFS 19450]

7 minutes ago, ocugolf said:

Today is 3 years from when our baby died 8 months pregnant. I’ll never forget coming here and just writing. I don’t know if it made any sense or you all were just amazing advocates and friends on this platform we call surly. 3 years later, it still sucks. The wife neeeeeeeds a kid. But it could be a lot, lot worse and thanks forever for giving me a place to vent. Love you guys.

I remember reading it and I still ache for you and your wife.  We had some setbacks but nothing like that and my eyes are watering for you.  But you don't need that.  You need whatever else you need.  If it's within my power, IVF, doctor referrals, help with adoption agencies, access to other fertility clinics, surrogates, whatever it is...PM me.  If it has anything to do with Ascension Seton, Saint David's, or even Scott & White...I can move mountains.  All my friends are too old now so nobody ever asks anymore save for my SIL who we're trying to help.  So if you need anything along those lines, please ask.  Can help with adoption agency red tape, too.  Or if you got this, then you got this...I'll hang back, send good vibes, and just listen.  

[Buzzrock 14918]

My thirteen year old hit two homers tonight to send his 15U team to the championship this Saturday. I was coaching first base. It was fucking awesome.

[atomheartbevo 89648]

2 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

My thirteen year old hit two homers tonight to send his 15U team to the championship this Saturday. I was coaching first base. It was fucking awesome.

Paging Dusty Baker, Mr. Dusty Baker, please answer the courtesy phone.

[Gardner Barnes 1562]

On 10/10/2022 at 7:08 PM, Thatguy said:

@royiv  I figured we would continue our discussion here. As @Steven Avery @JesusSweatDuck and @Gardner Barnes as well as others who have girls who either play volleyball in high school or college will tell you, if you are even at a mediocre high school and your kid doesn't have club experience, they won't make the team. You can't just wing it on raw talent alone. You need training. As @Steven Avery knows, there are quite a few kids at my daughter's school who play club and still didn't make the team. My daughter in particular is 5'10, 14 years old, and doesn't turn 15 until next summer. Last year in middle school she was the 5th highest leaper at her club, even amongst the high school girls. She clocked upper 40's on her spike speed at 13, and has played on top teams since 7th grade. She is on the AVCA phenom watchlist as is @Steven Avery's kid, who plays for one of the best clubs in the state.

   So we would be doing a disservice to our kids if we didn't let them see this vball thing through. We are headed to the Tour of Texas 1&2 in Dallas and Austin, the Triple Crown which is invitation only for the 100 best clubs in the country(there are 5000 clubs across the US), Red Rock national qualifier in Vegas, Pacific NW national qualifier in Spokane, Lone Star national qualifier in Dallas, Far Western national qualifier in Reno, and USAV Nationals in Chicago. That's, hotels, traveling expenses, and food for 3 people for 8 away tournaments. But......it's what you have to do if you want your kid to develop, because iron sharpens iron. We don't like the system but it's the system we have. There are 4008 D1 scholarship'd players out there and this is how they all got there. There is no magic elixir. 

@royiv I dont see what this post by @Thatguy is referring to but all of this is 100% correct.  I have a college VB player now.  She decided around the age of 14 that she wanted to play in college and she worked  through he club system and all of the above to get there.  We usually did privates a few times a week in the offseason along with jump training etc.  

its a pay to play business in HS and if she wants to play club.  If you dont, there are 1000s of girls that will and they will get better quicker this way.  Plus colleges really only scout club tournaments.  They dont come to HS games.  This is why rural kids are so under recruited AND why kids drive hours to get to club practices.

Hell the freshman middle for UT made 10 hour drives from SC to Atlanta a few times a week for 2 years so should could play for A5 (high level Atlanta club) and get recruited. 

[Gardner Barnes 1562]

6 minutes ago, Gardner Barnes said:

@royiv I dont see what this post by @Thatguy is referring to but all of this is 100% correct.  I have a college VB player now.  She decided around the age of 14 that she wanted to play in college and she worked  through he club system and all of the above to get there.  We usually did privates a few times a week in the offseason along with jump training etc.  

its a pay to play business in HS and if she wants to play club.  If you dont, there are 1000s of girls that will and they will get better quicker this way.  Plus colleges really only scout club tournaments.  They dont come to HS games.  This is why rural kids are so under recruited AND why kids drive hours to get to club practices.

Hell the freshman middle for UT made 10 hour drives from SC to Atlanta a few times a week for 2 years so should could play for A5 (high level Atlanta club) and get recruited. 

I also want to tell all of you that no matter how much your daughters think they are ready for the grind of being a college VB player they, they aren't.  4-5 days of intense club level practice + 6 days of lifting + travel for road games will wear them out.  Our season is over soon and she is ready for the mandatory NCAA break. 

 

@Steven Avery @That Guy @royiv

 

That said I wish you all great success during club season.  Enjoy the wins and losses and the beers with the other parents on the team because it goes by fast.  My youngest is embarking on her 16s year.  We have LV, Spokane, and Atlanta this year.  

Edited November 11, 2022 by Gardner Barnes

[royiv 9286]

45 minutes ago, Gardner Barnes said:

I also want to tell all of you that no matter how much your daughters think they are ready for the grind of being a college VB player they, they aren't.  4-5 days of intense club level practice + 6 days of lifting + travel for road games will wear them out.  Our season is over soon and she is ready for the mandatory NCAA break. 

 

@Steven Avery @That Guy @royiv

 

That said I wish you all great success during club season.  Enjoy the wins and losses and the beers with the other parents on the team because it goes by fast.  My youngest is embarking on her 16s year.  We have LV, Spokane, and Atlanta this year.  

Why the fuck are you tagging me in this post? I don't have a daughter and give less than a shit about club volleyball. People who get this wrapped up in their kid's hobbies are weird.

 

[next2naus 439]

On 11/1/2022 at 6:50 PM, Snake Diggity said:

There is absolutely nothing worse than having sick kids.  This is the 3rd Halloween my daughter has been sick.  She’s 4 years old.  She was only sick for a week and it was never that bad, but we had the shit luck that my older daughter didn’t catch it until the very end so now we’re starting all over.  Worst part is the older one always sports very high fevers.  Extremely hard not to panic when you see those 104s coming up on the thermometer.  My mind always goes to the worst.  I‘m fit for a fucking straight jacket.

I feel you, both kids (5 YO's) were sick the week before Halloween, the wife was sock, then I get it....it the "it" was this upper respiratory with fever for the kids and for adults more like an adult RSV like infection and an eye infection like Pink Ey in both eyes that make my eyes completely red, like no whites, all red. It's bene two weeks and my vision is still not 100%

[Thatguy 8686]

6 hours ago, royiv said:

Why the fuck are you tagging me in this post? I don't have a daughter and give less than a shit about club volleyball. People who get this wrapped up in their kid's hobbies are weird.

 

I tagged you initially because you didn't believe what I was telling was necessary in the world on volleyball. I didn't know you didn't have a daughter but if you ever do this IS what it takes. Good day sir

[Thatguy 8686]

7 hours ago, Gardner Barnes said:

I also want to tell all of you that no matter how much your daughters think they are ready for the grind of being a college VB player they, they aren't.  4-5 days of intense club level practice + 6 days of lifting + travel for road games will wear them out.  Our season is over soon and she is ready for the mandatory NCAA break. 

 

@Steven Avery @That Guy @royiv

 

That said I wish you all great success during club season.  Enjoy the wins and losses and the beers with the other parents on the team because it goes by fast.  My youngest is embarking on her 16s year.  We have LV, Spokane, and Atlanta this year.  

Triple Crown, Vegas, Spokane, Reno, and hopefully Chicago if it goes well. See you on the road. This is 15's year for us. 

Edited November 11, 2022 by Thatguy

[royiv 9286]

3 minutes ago, Thatguy said:

I tagged you initially because you didn't believe what I was telling was necessary in the world on volleyball. I didn't know you didn't have a daughter but if you ever do this IS what it takes. Good day sir

It's not that I didn't believe you. I thought you were weird for bragging about how much you spend on your kid's hobby and comparing the bodies of her teammates to that of Kate Upton. Strange and creepy.

[Thatguy 8686]

55 minutes ago, royiv said:

It's not that I didn't believe you. I thought you were weird for bragging about how much you spend on your kid's hobby and comparing the bodies of her teammates to that of Kate Upton. Strange and creepy.

  No one is bragging. What I spend is what everyone spends. And I said as pretty as Kate. No mention of their bodies. Accusations are almost always a confession. Don't project your desires on me. It's ok to pay a 17 year old girl a compliment. It' doesn't have to mean anything weird, especially if it's directed AT them and not TO them. 

[royiv 9286]

4 hours ago, Thatguy said:

  No one is bragging. What I spend is what everyone spends. And I said as pretty as Kate. No mention of their bodies. Accusations are almost always a confession. Don't project your desires on me. It's ok to pay a 17 year old girl a compliment. It' doesn't have to mean anything weird, especially if it's directed AT them and not TO them. 

You're a weird fuckin' dude.

[Thatguy 8686]

1 hour ago, royiv said:

You're a weird fuckin' dude.

  No man, this is what it is to be a girl dad. You would understand if you had one. Anyone who has a girl will tell you, they are different. You start out with an innocent little one. Full of life!! Somewhere around middle school the insecurities come in. Girls are mean in middle school. They start changing. Then your girl starts playing vball at a high level. Her confidence starts flowing. The middle school insecurities are fading. You watch her leadership bubbling to the top. Next thing you know she is brushing off tough situations, handling her emotions, and leading other young people. You start seeing the tools and qualities required to be successful in business coming to the forefront in sports and realize that alone is worth it. My daughter is turning the corner and @Steven Avery's kid is already there. I encourage anyone who has a girl to get them involved in sports. It's an easy way to teach some tough life lessons in this weird age of everybody gets a trophy.

[Damor 1236]

Girl dad talk not going away.
(seriously, I salute y'all.  Dunno how you do it.)

Tonight my older son's senior football season came to an end in an OT heartbreaker.  The same creature I carried to the NICU in my arms when he was born now required me to get up on my tiptoes to hug him.  Same arms, same kid, same dad, but so much in between.

I held on to that hug tonight a little longer than he'd have liked, but he indulged me.  I didn't want to let go, but I had to.  It was time.

The reason everyone tells you that it goes fast is that they never really believed it would for them, just like you believe it won't for you.

Damn.

[YGIFS 19450]

^
This.  

Only two pieces of parenting advice I ever got worth a shit were from people I barely knew.  Everything I got from good friends and family has proven largely worthless.  

The first was:  Swaddle.  Learn to swaddle.  Swaddle like the wind dammit!  Learn how to do it in the dark, upside down, left-handed, drunk.  Baby sleeps so much better that way.  Ours are years past swaddling but I treated it like a joke my first kid.  Second kid, mastered it and was a life-saver. 

Second tip to this point was very eloquently put as:  "The days are long, the years are short."  

So fucking true, it hurts.  

[pacman 7355]

Best thing about having a girl in sports, they don't get into that toxic, HS boy focused, drama life.

They are too busy managing their schedule. When they do date, it's another person with similar drive and schedule. If it ends, they are too busy to build up drama.

Then, she takes all those organization skills to college and fucking rocks it.

[Gardner Barnes 1562]

16 hours ago, Thatguy said:

  No man, this is what it is to be a girl dad. You would understand if you had one. Anyone who has a girl will tell you, they are different. You start out with an innocent little one. Full of life!! Somewhere around middle school the insecurities come in. Girls are mean in middle school. They start changing. Then your girl starts playing vball at a high level. Her confidence starts flowing. The middle school insecurities are fading. You watch her leadership bubbling to the top. Next thing you know she is brushing off tough situations, handling her emotions, and leading other young people. You start seeing the tools and qualities required to be successful in business coming to the forefront in sports and realize that alone is worth it. My daughter is turning the corner and @Steven Avery's kid is already there. I encourage anyone who has a girl to get them involved in sports. It's an easy way to teach some tough life lessons in this weird age of everybody gets a trophy.

All of this.  All of it. I’ve lived it. I can unequivocally say my daughters skill at VB made who the confident young adult she is today.  I don’t regret a single dollar I have spent to get her there.  

[Gardner Barnes 1562]

Plus getting to spend a weekend with my daughter 1:1  traveling are minutes I wouldn’t trade for anything.  I miss them now that she is a thousand miles away. Watching her on espn+ is not the same thing. 

[Gardner Barnes 1562]

15 hours ago, Damor said:

Girl dad talk not going away.
(seriously, I salute y'all.  Dunno how you do it.)

Tonight my older son's senior football season came to an end in an OT heartbreaker.  The same creature I carried to the NICU in my arms when he was born now required me to get up on my tiptoes to hug him.  Same arms, same kid, same dad, but so much in between.

I held on to that hug tonight a little longer than he'd have liked, but he indulged me.  I didn't want to let go, but I had to.  It was time.

The reason everyone tells you that it goes fast is that they never really believed it would for them, just like you believe it won't for you.

Damn.

I’ve been there buddy.  I’m assuming he is a senior.  Make sure and take every moment you can with him because August will be here in a split second.  I can’t groove how fast it went by. 

[Gardner Barnes 1562]

4 hours ago, pacman said:

Best thing about having a girl in sports, they don't get into that toxic, HS boy focused, drama life.

They are too busy managing their schedule. When they do date, it's another person with similar drive and schedule. If it ends, they are too busy to build up drama.

Then, she takes all those organization skills to college and fucking rocks it.

God damn. I have to plus one this one also.  So very very true.  Daughter 1 dated a FB player who hardly drank and partied.  Daughter 2 is dating a fb player that doesn’t drink.  Both boys are excellent students and arent into that party scene bullshit. 

Daughter 1 and her bf broke up for college   No drama, just a mature decision  

 

[YGIFS 19450]

What the fuck do i do when my older one is just mercilessly abusing the younger one?  I don't mean like sibling rough-housing.  I mean like...full on abuse.  

There is a 4 year gap (almost to the day) between them).  Oldest is long and tall for her age.  She's lanky and uncoordinated but has this "baby rage" gear where she is strong as shit and she has a really strong core.  Youngest is small and thin for her age.  By a fucking mile.  She's gritty and self-sufficient but just so damn small.  Her sister has just taken to abusing the shit out of her.  Throwing her to the ground, smacking, etc.  I can deal with that.  But it's now elevated to throwing her down the stairs, choking her with both arms around the neck, etc.  What the fuck do I do?  Sorry to derail the otherwise happy thread. 

[atomheartbevo 89648]

Was coming to bitch that having both kids home sick is giving me flashbacks to 2020, and that maybe we should make the kids mask up for the first part of November, but

 

Look into ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis).   I’ll PM the lady we worked with.

[YGIFS 19450]

thanks.  got your PM.  wife assures me it's just a phase and she was the same with her younger sisters (no pics).  And I'm all for sibling buffoonery, but it's just elevated to a disturbing plane lately.  I'm gonna see what happens when we're all cooped up inside for two weeks during xmas break.  If this persists, analysis it is.  Part of this is also me covering my ass for the inevitable school counselor intervention.  I mean we're talking two-arm chokeout attempts.  That's probably prison for me.  

Okay, back to happy dad thoughts.  I left early to go setup for my 2nd grader's field day/fun run before dawn.  3yo was up early so she bundled up and asked to come with me.  She was super helpful and so darn cute to watch roam around her future campus.  and I realized how I need to stop and enjoy her at this age, no matter how pouty, because soon she'll be at this school all day, everyday, and I'll miss these quiet morning times with her.  

[Teamdirtyleg 1060]

14 hours ago, YGIFS said:

What the fuck do i do when my older one is just mercilessly abusing the younger one?  I don't mean like sibling rough-housing.  I mean like...full on abuse.  

There is a 4 year gap (almost to the day) between them).  Oldest is long and tall for her age.  She's lanky and uncoordinated but has this "baby rage" gear where she is strong as shit and she has a really strong core.  Youngest is small and thin for her age.  By a fucking mile.  She's gritty and self-sufficient but just so damn small.  Her sister has just taken to abusing the shit out of her.  Throwing her to the ground, smacking, etc.  I can deal with that.  But it's now elevated to throwing her down the stairs, choking her with both arms around the neck, etc.  What the fuck do I do?  Sorry to derail the otherwise happy thread. 

My two oldest are 4 years apart in age.  When they were maybe 6 & 2, give or take, the oldest (boy) would really talk mean and ugly to his younger sister. It's one of his gifts, his verbal skills.  Finally one night they were playing together and my wife secretly videoed their interactions.  When we showed him the video, he was horrified at what he was saying to the little sister he loved. That was the end of that problem, for the most part.  Sometimes we don't see or hear ourselves objectively.

[YGIFS 19450]

That’s a good idea.  I’m gonna try that.  It can’t hurt unless she likes watching it and starts yelling ‘world star’!!!

[Teamdirtyleg 1060]

47 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

That’s a good idea.  I’m gonna try that.  It can’t hurt unless she likes watching it and starts yelling ‘world star’!!!

or “FINISH HIM!!!”

[Etexhorn13 3045]

8 weeks in with #2, so far everything looks great. Will be joining the 2 under 2 club come June (assuming all goes well). Took us about 2 years for the first one, so we figured we’d start early thinking it might also take a while, but I must’ve knocked something loose and set her body on the right path. I can already tell I’m going to miss my baby being the baby

[Celery Man 20934]

oh man i don't think I realized that you were already at #2. I think your oldest is a tad younger than my daughter. We really need to get going on 2, but the wife was just so happy to be out of the whole pumping lifestyle. if everything is easier with the second one, tell me that. if not, keep your mouth shut

9 hours ago, Etexhorn13 said:

 but I must’ve knocked something loose and set her body on the right path

lol yeah you fucked her fertile

[atomheartbevo 89648]

On 11/18/2022 at 7:39 AM, atomheartbevo said:

Was coming to bitch that having both kids home sick is giving me flashbacks to 2020, and that maybe we should make the kids mask up for the first part of November

The only positive is at least it’s Thanksgiving week.   Can’t go to the relatives.   

But I’m getting sleep in snatches of an hour or two here and there.

But I can’t go to the relatives.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

8 weeks in with #2, so far everything looks great. Will be joining the 2 under 2 club come June (assuming all goes well). Took us about 2 years for the first one, so we figured we’d start early thinking it might also take a while, but I must’ve knocked something loose and set her body on the right path. I can already tell I’m going to miss my baby being the baby

Must be a thing. I personally know 2 families that were having problems with the first pregnancy but are suddenly in the 2 under 2 club.

You could’ve just called me too. Im batting about .600 in trying.

Congrats! Youre so dead. 2 under 18 months? Sheesh

[Snake Diggity 4621]

12 hours ago, Etexhorn13 said:

8 weeks in with #2, so far everything looks great. Will be joining the 2 under 2 club come June (assuming all goes well). Took us about 2 years for the first one, so we figured we’d start early thinking it might also take a while, but I must’ve knocked something loose and set her body on the right path. I can already tell I’m going to miss my baby being the baby

That’s how it is with a lot of people including my wife and I.  Banged away for 2 years trying for #1, ended up having to do Clomid/IUI.  Decided we were ready for #2, one squirt and done.  Damn the luck.

[Etexhorn13 3045]

On 11/19/2022 at 7:34 AM, Celery Man said:

oh man i don't think I realized that you were already at #2. I think your oldest is a tad younger than my daughter. We really need to get going on 2, but the wife was just so happy to be out of the whole pumping lifestyle. if everything is easier with the second one, tell me that. if not, keep your mouth shut

lol yeah you fucked her fertile

Yesterday while my in-laws had our son we decided to go ahead and get all the Christmas stuff out of the closet under the stairs. Grabbed a couple boxes and then I was face to face with the bassinet and the fold up changing table we kept in our room for a while (nursery/kids rooms are all upstairs)… I think I am ready but that shocked me into it a bit 

 

 

 

 

 

[Pig Bellmont 8712]

On 11/17/2022 at 8:02 PM, YGIFS said:

What the fuck do i do when my older one is just mercilessly abusing the younger one?  I don't mean like sibling rough-housing.  I mean like...full on abuse.  

There is a 4 year gap (almost to the day) between them).  Oldest is long and tall for her age.  She's lanky and uncoordinated but has this "baby rage" gear where she is strong as shit and she has a really strong core.  Youngest is small and thin for her age.  By a fucking mile.  She's gritty and self-sufficient but just so damn small.  Her sister has just taken to abusing the shit out of her.  Throwing her to the ground, smacking, etc.  I can deal with that.  But it's now elevated to throwing her down the stairs, choking her with both arms around the neck, etc.  What the fuck do I do?  Sorry to derail the otherwise happy thread. 

I don’t tolerate this kind of stuff. We treat each other with a baseline of respect and by god the world would end if my older/bigger kid was physically hurting the younger. Throwing down stairs and choking isn’t normal sibling rough housing, IMO. I’m not trying to sound judgmental- I’m definitely not. Just wanted to give a perspective re expectations and consequences. Best of luck

[52-80 19150]

im lucky to have a kid with nearly 0 sleeping issues  

👶falls asleep so easily in the baby carrier. when he does it, he just melts into me. 

best part of my day, and it happens 3 times a day. 

[Pig Bellmont 8712]

On 11/19/2022 at 8:34 AM, Celery Man said:

if everything is easier with the second one, tell me that. if not, keep your mouth shut

Its not easy at first. Definitely not. But when they are old enough to play together without you in the room - it’s life changing 

2 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

im lucky to have a kid with nearly 0 sleeping issues  

👶falls asleep so easily in the baby carrier. when he does it, he just melts into me. 

best part of my day, and it happens 3 times a day. 

lol don’t tell people this. You sound like an asshole

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

im lucky to have a kid with nearly 0 sleeping issues  
falls asleep so easily in the baby carrier. when he does it, he just melts into me. 
best part of my day, and it happens 3 times a day. 

Wait till you hit that X week/month sleep regression

[Celery Man 20934]

1 hour ago, Pig Bellmont said:

Its not easy at first. Definitely not.

[mdmost 43001]

On 11/18/2022 at 8:33 AM, YGIFS said:

thanks.  got your PM.  wife assures me it's just a phase and she was the same with her younger sisters (no pics).  And I'm all for sibling buffoonery, but it's just elevated to a disturbing plane lately.  I'm gonna see what happens when we're all cooped up inside for two weeks during xmas break.  If this persists, analysis it is.  Part of this is also me covering my ass for the inevitable school counselor intervention.  I mean we're talking two-arm chokeout attempts.  That's probably prison for me.  

Okay, back to happy dad thoughts.  I left early to go setup for my 2nd grader's field day/fun run before dawn.  3yo was up early so she bundled up and asked to come with me.  She was super helpful and so darn cute to watch roam around her future campus.  and I realized how I need to stop and enjoy her at this age, no matter how pouty, because soon she'll be at this school all day, everyday, and I'll miss these quiet morning times with her.  

Just going to say as a dad of a 15 year old girl who has ongoing issues with sensory sensitivity and emotional dysregulation, I would highly advise you to get a professional to start working with your child now. I wished we had noticed the signs much sooner in her adolescence and gotten her help earlier on when it could've made a significant difference. We're just now getting to a point where she's able to access higher level brain functioning to help her calm down and process opposition easier. And this is a straight A student who is incredibly intelligent. Not saying your child is similar and certainly don't want to armchair diagnose but that's definitely a regret I had through this whole process, not getting help from a more qualified person.

Also want to add that her younger sister is what you would think of as a model child. Smart, funny, sensitive, inquisitive, able to take criticism and redirection easily. She has none of the emotional issues her older sister has. Just want to toss that out as it's easy to label people with kids like this as bad parents or that they did something wrong to cause their child to be this way. There really is a massive biological component to some of our kids being this way. That's what we needed help with and getting a better understanding of.

Edited November 20, 2022 by mdmost

[YGIFS 19450]

Mdmost and others, thanks for chiming in with that.  i know this is largely a happy thread but a lot of y'all are older dads like me so it rings helpful.  So mine is halfway yours' age, 7.5yo.  But sensory sensitivity and emotional dysregulation is spot-on.  Her pediatrician and my wife who deals with kids with that at speech therapy have said as much.  Obviously I'm from a generation of "kid needs more discipline and spanking" but it's more like what you describe.  Sounds like your daughter, my girl has higher cognitive function and can reason her way out of a maze with a blindfold and no clues.  But when she's having sensory or frustration issues, there's really not much to get her back on track.  She used to take it out on me, scream at my wife, etc.  That was fine when she was aware her baby sister was way too little.  But now her baby sister is just big enough to mess with her and get attention from us, so she lashes it out on her.  

Plus, not sure if this was your experience and not to get too personal---but we first started noticing the sensory/dysregulatoin stuff when she was either hungry or had to use the restroom.  She finally had those largely under control in 1st grade just due to societal norms and schedules.  But somehow in 2nd grade, she's regressed a bit.  And you can just see it in her eyes, she has to squeeze something, hit something, pound on something, eat a bunch of quick carbs, etc.  And by the time we're in the throes of it, my wife and/or I are frustrated as hell so we raise our voice which certainly doesn't help.  I'm pretty much resigned to it, but I do raise my voice only if I see her physically hurting her sister.  Which of course escalates it, but I mean--what the fuck do you do when one of your kids is choking the other one?  I tried my "Love & Logic" techniques like my wife insists but there's no fucking time for that sometimes.  

And like yours, my daughter is apparently aces at school.  I feel like Michael Bluth sometimes when they say "Your daughter is the most empathetic and sweetest kid in my class in addition to her straight A's, I wish I had 21 more like her."  And all my wife and I can think is, "Her?  Really?"  But she gets this rage swings and it's far beyond what other kids do, I can just tell in my gut and by observation and analysis.  I guess like you said, maybe it's good we see it early?  I dunno.  Good news is that it's not acute, it's just a handful of incidents a week if that.  But the problem is that it went away and came back and now it's totally and utterly completely un-fucking predictable.  Just comes on like a sneeze.  I think in the New Year, certainly by this summer, we need to get her into something.  but couch it as just something every other kid does as well because she, like me, does not like to be the center of attention or have any unusual light shone upon her.  

Fuck, thanks for sharing, rings true to us.  Wishing all you dads a good holiday week.