Surly Dad Thread

[South Austin 52,515]

My daughter’s high school hoops team is today’s Austin-American Statesman’s Team of the Week. They’ll probably get their asses kicked in the playoffs, but I’m really happy for my girl after her team had losing records her freshman and sophomores years.

Edited January 24, 2023 by South Austin

[UT_OB1 2,223]

Wife started work downtown this week. Will eventually be all remote except for occasional in person meeting, but for now I get the kids on the bus and pick them up from after school or get them off the bus. Today was our first Friday. Friday is a busy day at work making sure the plant is ready for the weekend. Friday is a ride bus home today. Guess who forgot?  That’s right, me!  
 

To make it better, my friend / neighbor (has a boy our kids play with) sold me out with a group text to me, his wife, and my wife - “hey I’ve got your kids over at our house since you weren’t here.”  Ffs. Just text or call me. I’m never going to hear the end of this. 

Edited January 27, 2023 by UT_OB1

[Celery Man 20,961]

Man this is the best age - 21 months, she has recently started singing songs or randomly rattling off 1-10. She acts out parts from her favorite movies (frozen, turning red, encanto), she’s exploding with words and understands what she is being told most of the time. It’s just great. Seems to have chilled her out a bit as well, or at least given us better tools to help her when she’s upset. 
 

The other day, she just got back from her half day of day care and I’m heading back up to work after coming down for hugs. As I get to the stairs - “BAH DA-EE, IUVYU” - possibly the greatest moment of my life.

[atomheartbevo 89,675]

If you’re looking for something to do with the kids, until noon, Home Depot has their first Saturday of the month free craft for kids. Assuming your home depot has power.  Kids get a free apron and they do let you take the craft home if you don’t wanna do it at Home Depot.  Lots of nailing and painting so get them ready for house repairs.  

[Chad Fuck 17,684]

If you’re looking for something to do with the kids, until noon, Home Depot has their first Saturday of the month free craft for kids. Assuming your home depot has power.  Kids get a free apron and they do let you take the craft home if you don’t wanna do it at Home Depot.  Lots of nailing and painting so get them ready for house repairs.  

Highly recommend this.

[Celery Man 20,961]

Is that an every month thing?

probably got some years before I give her a nail, but still

Edited February 4, 2023 by Celery Man

[YGIFS 19,450]

I think it's rebooted back to every month since Covid.  We did one last year but didn't want to stick around a bunch of sniffly so we paid like $6 for two kits and took them  home.  But the in-store ones are up and running again and fun for the kids.  I'd say of the couple we've, it's a little too much for our 3yo but the 7yo loves it.  

Another fun thing is first Saturday at Laguna Gloria.  This month they're making Chinese Lanterns.  The art project can be hit or miss.  She's made stain glass, full on canvas paintings, kalidiscope, etc.  And then other months they just hand you some markers and a piece of paper to "create."  But the grounds are really neat to walk and it's all free (if you can find a parking space).  

[Snake Diggity 4,625]

On 1/28/2023 at 6:23 PM, Celery Man said:

Man this is the best age - 21 months, she has recently started singing songs or randomly rattling off 1-10. She acts out parts from her favorite movies (frozen, turning red, encanto), she’s exploding with words and understands what she is being told most of the time. It’s just great. Seems to have chilled her out a bit as well, or at least given us better tools to help her when she’s upset. 
 

The other day, she just got back from her half day of day care and I’m heading back up to work after coming down for hugs. As I get to the stairs - “BAH DA-EE, IUVYU” - possibly the greatest moment of my life.

18 months to 4 years has been my favorite age range so far.  Prior to 18 months they’re too much maintenance and can’t interact all that much.  After they reach school age they’re a lot less maintenance but they’re not as cute and can be annoying af.  

[Fudbelty 2,788]

13yr old female is my least favorite age so far. Surely it’ll turn back to the good.

[atomheartbevo 89,675]

On 2/4/2023 at 12:01 PM, Celery Man said:

Is that an every month thing?

probably got some years before I give her a nail, but still

Yep, first Saturday every month, and you can always do the hammering and just let her paint. 

For something free to do (you can pay to buy the kits if you can't be around for it), it's pretty damned awesome.

https://www.homedepot.com/c/kids

The apron those kids are wearing, they get those, and if you look at that little girl's, there's a pin - every project they do, they get a pin for that project to put on their apron, and they get little pins recognizing when they've done their 10th, 25th, etc. projects.  Some kids have done 50+.

March is a little pinball game

April is birdhouse with a pool

May is flower pot

 

[South Austin 52,515]

4 hours ago, Fudbelty said:

13yr old female is my least favorite age so far. Surely it’ll turn back to the good.

Mine is 16 and thankfully she’s been pretty drama-free for her teen years. I don’t know a more chill kid. 

Which probably means her little brother is going to be a shit in a couple years.

[Fudbelty 2,788]

She is drama free for the most part. Just doesn’t seem too interested in dad lately. Doesn’t help that mom is way up in the business of all the friends. I think the moms drive me more crazy than the kids. Let them learn how to handle themselves PLEASE!

[atomheartbevo 89,675]

Was talking to my 10 year-old after he was told he couldn't watch something, and he mimicked Lonni from Andor and said "and what have you sacrificed", so it got me to thinking.  With apologies to Andor.

What do I sacrifice?

Calm. Kindness. Meaningful adult friendships. The nude embrace of your mother because as soon as the clothes come off, you're banging on the door or trying to open it. I've given up all chance at inner peace.  I've made my mind a Ryan-less space. I share my dreams with anonynmous people on the internet. I wake up early every day to an equation I wrote the day you were born and from which there's only one conclusion: I'm damned to get up early every day, even on the weekends when you should let me sleep in.

Your fits of anger, your childish ego, your unwillingness to yield, our eageress to fight, they've set me on a path from which there is no escape. I yearn to be the kind of dad that Bandit is to Bluey and bingo, without contemplating the cost to my sanity, and by the time I step back, there's fucking Lego pieces beneath my feet.

What is my sacrifice?  I'm condemned to watch or hear the same cartoons over and over, even as I try to hopelessly try to steer you to the ones I'm willing to watch.  I burn far too many of my waking hours playing referee between you kids or getting you ready for school or ready for bed. I burn my life to make fond memories for you that are dwarfed by some little shit on YouTube making millions just for unboxing toys. The man I was before you were born will not have the light of gratitude for banning you from dumbass YouTube videos until you are much older with kids of your own. So what do I sacrifice?  Everything.

[NorthLoop 14,208]

3yo's first soccer practice yesterday. Already better than me. 

 

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4,976]

On 2/4/2023 at 12:01 PM, Celery Man said:

Is that an every month thing?

probably got some years before I give her a nail, but still

It's the hammer you gotta watch out for. I was knocking some nails out of some recovered oak boards from my grandfather's old horse stalls after a tornado picked the barn up and set it upside down 100 yards away a few years ago when my oldest was about that age. Like yours, she was always singing. "The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout" BAM! She hit me hard in the back of the head with the little hammer I had given her to mess around with. I yelled her name loud enough that Mom came out of the house to see what was going on and she wouldn't touch a hammer for like a year after that.

[Celery Man 20,961]

We were both getting over some non covid sinus shit this weekend and she got ahold of my can of ginger ale. What the heck, I poured her a little bit and she had her first soda

she's more and more verbal every day, but typically still at the state where only her mom and I know what she's saying. this cracked me up. i'm blaming congestion for my dorky laughs.

[hookemATL 11,739]

Bro she is an absolute sweetheart. As a girl dad of two, things like this swell my heart and make me emotional. Thank you for sharing. 
 

My youngest turns 2 on Monday. Feels like a blur, but she is an absolute treasure and is so talkative, silly, active and loving toward her sister and her mom and I. Love her to pieces.

she’s also very good and gentle towards all animals. The cats love to cuddle and be near her. 
 

[YGIFS 19,450]

To all you fathers of two girls, Like me.  Let me say congrats and Oh SHIT! 

this is quite a ride.  

[Jerry Callo 8,703]

On 2/23/2023 at 9:58 AM, NorthLoop said:

3yo's first soccer practice yesterday. Already better than me. 

 

When my youngest was about that age, she had her first YMCA soccer game.  She dribbled the field and scored her first goal and the crowd cheered.  She was so embarrassed, she cried and sat in my lap the remainder of the game.  The next week, I convinced her to play again - I also told all the parents not to cheer if she scored again.  Ended up with 5 goals with no applause. 

She a senior in high school and has five regular season games left.  It breaks my heart to know that I only have a few more weeks to see her play. 

[atomheartbevo 89,675]

The urge to print this out and stick it on our copy of this book (which is actually my copy from when I was wee lad) is very strong.

We all think it in the morning, at least those of us not Jewish or Muslim.

[Hermanator 7,050]

On 2/5/2023 at 9:18 AM, Fudbelty said:

13yr old female is my least favorite age so far. Surely it’ll turn back to the good.

Buckle in.

[Celery Man 20,961]

Ok playscapes. Let’s assume I don’t need to do manual labor to feel better about the length/girth of my dick. Should I fuck around with setting it up myself or is it absolutely worth it to pay someone else to do it for me?

[tbone_ 14,126]

Pay

[South Austin 52,515]

24 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

Ok playscapes. Let’s assume I don’t need to do manual labor to feel better about the length/girth of my dick. Should I fuck around with setting it up myself or is it absolutely worth it to pay someone else to do it for me?

Is this where we also tell you that you don’t need to mow your own lawn?

[Celery Man 20,961]

Jose mows my lawn.

[atomheartbevo 89,675]

40 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

Jose mows my lawn.

He also plows your wife, so absolutely, go ahead and hire him to build a playscape for your kids.

[South Austin 52,515]

41 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

Jose mows my lawn.

No way.

[EE2B 1,565]

1 hour ago, Celery Man said:

Ok playscapes. Let’s assume I don’t need to do manual labor to feel better about the length/girth of my dick. Should I fuck around with setting it up myself or is it absolutely worth it to pay someone else to do it for me?

Is it one of the wooden ones? If so, pay whatever it costs. It’s worth it. 

[Celery Man 20,961]

Maybe I’m plowing his wife.

[Fudbelty 2,788]

Pay.

[Jkwellborn 6,703]

He also plows your wife, so absolutely, go ahead and hire him to build a playscape for your kids.

Don’t you mean his kids?

[TexasHooch 5,122]

Question for ya'll (purely hypothetical):

Your 13 year old kid has been invited by his best friend's family to the Caribbean with them over spring break (including both weekends).  You trust your kid, and know well and trust the family.

Let 'em go? Or out of country for more than a week past your comfort zone?

[Homercles 10,205]

Fuck norovirus in the goat ass.  Wife out of town past weekend, all going well with Daddy Rules (don’t fight, break anything or generally be assholes and we will mix fun with Roblox the likes of which you have never known).  
 

Sunday:  Starting 3p my 9yo says his stomach hurts, think little of it as it’s often anxiety-driven.  By 6pm he’s puking his guts up, 615pm his 6yo sister does the same.  

This continues at 30 minute intervals until approximately 1am.  They can’t sleep due to nausea, finally end up with me in my daughters bed, her on the floor, and son sleeping on a towel in his room…after doing laundry until 3am.  

Monday:  Doc visits for all.  Get Zofran and a ‘good luck’.  Diarrhea begins.  I manage to get some work done.  Wife gets home at 8p and I’m already asleep in the guest room.  

Tuesday:  Kids well enough to go to school, wife bitches I didn’t make daughters bed perfectly.  I can’t sleep and go to guest room. 

Wednesday:  1am, wake up with terrible gut pains. Ask myself ‘am I about to puke?’ Affirmative.  Up until 4am.  Spend all day in bed or sometimes puking between my legs as I pee out my butt.  Wife says that’s disgusting. 

Thursday:  6am getting kids ready for school, 9yo says ‘bad news, mommy was throwing up all night’.  She’s miserable, apologizes for ‘disgusting’ comment as she did the very same thing.  She’s in bed all day.  

Friday:  Work is insane, eat my first real meal since Tuesday 11am.  

Back to my pre-Christmas weight. Fuck norovirus.  Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.  

[Jerry Callo 8,703]

On 3/1/2023 at 4:18 PM, Celery Man said:

Ok playscapes. Let’s assume I don’t need to do manual labor to feel better about the length/girth of my dick. Should I fuck around with setting it up myself or is it absolutely worth it to pay someone else to do it for me?

We got one for the kids and put it together ourselves.  It took 32 man hours.  

[atomheartbevo 89,675]

2 hours ago, TexasHooch said:

Question for ya'll (purely hypothetical):

Your 13 year old kid has been invited by his best friend's family to the Caribbean with them over spring break (including both weekends).  You trust your kid, and know well and trust the family.

Let 'em go? Or out of country for more than a week past your comfort zone?

Is your kid going to be bringing back photos of the best friend's mom in a bikini?

[tbone_ 14,126]

Is your kid going to be bringing back photos of the best friend's mom in a bikini?

In Acapulco with parents at about 16 years old in about 84ish. Laying by the pool all week ogling this hot french looking lady and her many skimpy bikinis.

Toward the end of the week randomly her dude handed me his 35mm and asked me if I’d take a picture of them. They’re both standing there and she’s in another one of her fantastic bikinis looking like she was straight out of Penthouse magazine. I took that camera and of course zoomed right in on her crotch and took the pic. Always wished I could have been around when they got that film developed.

/csb

[tbone_ 14,126]

Question for ya'll (purely hypothetical):
Your 13 year old kid has been invited by his best friend's family to the Caribbean with them over spring break (including both weekends).  You trust your kid, and know well and trust the family.
Let 'em go? Or out of country for more than a week past your comfort zone?

I’d probably let ‘em go if I knew the other parents well.

[JesusSweatDuck 17,781]

On 1/19/2023 at 9:58 AM, fuggled said:

Does anyone have good solutions for monitoring kids' texts on an Android phone?

My wife has not been happy with the Gabb phone my 12 year old daughter has.  She (wife) is pushing for a Pinwheel because it has text monitoring built in, but I don't really want to shell out for a kid-specific device that is locked into it's own OS and set of apps.  (Partly because we're only halfway through the 24 month contract on the Gabb phone that my wife didn't realize was a 24 month contract, but that's another story...)

I'm trying to setup my old Pixel 5 for her and I like most of what you can do with Google Family Link.  Part of why I like it is we can still give access to any apps we want, like Netflix and such, without worrying about social media apps.  Having that flexibility is nice for traveling and things like that.  I've got it locked down where she can't install apps or even visit sites without permission.  The time limits and locking are great for what we need to do.  But there's no text monitoring and my wife is really set on this for some reason.

I've been playing with Qustodio also, but it has limitations.  It captures SMS messages, but won't log MMS or any message when Google Chat Features are enabled.  I'm not sure if there's a good way around that without going to something like Pinwheel.  I'm leaning towards dumping the data plan, limiting her to SMS and sticking with Family Link and (maybe) Qustodio for now.  That would work for me, but the wife is really hung up on having a real-time feed of all texts (even if the kid deletes some).

Any suggestions?

PS - @Jerry Callo @Damor thanks for sharing the contracts above, those seem like a good idea.

I use FamiSafe. You can monitor texts and you can lock down the phone pretty well

[Jameslaw121 4,448]

Youngest girl (3) is definitely a momma's girl. The other two kids were daddy's so I'm cool with it. Last night the power went out and the 3 year old got scared and crawled into bed with us. In the middle of the night and her head was on my chest with her little arms around my neck. 

Wife "Want me to get her off of you?"

Me "I will fucking kill you if you wake her right now"

Edited March 3, 2023 by Jameslaw121

[Celery Man 20,961]

[Celery Man 20,961]

y'all have any thoughts on balance bikes (or whatever the next thing up is from her plastic car that i push her around while singing chamillionaire)?

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,817]

We have a strider that was passed on to us. Oldest kid never really used it and took right off on a bike with no training wheels at age 5 after some riding with training wheels.

Youngest kid would’ve been 4 last summer and he didn’t really use it for its purpose. We’ll try it again or getting him on an actual pedal bike with training wheels once the snow melts by august. So we’re batting maybe .300 with it? Some kids I do see flying on their striders when I’m driving by, quite impressive

[Saint Tacky 1,614]

I don't really know the significance of this, at least insofar as to whether there is a legitimate shot, but my 16-year-old daughter received a letter from West Point asking her to submit an application to attend.  She holds the correspondence and asks me "what's West Point?" 

[JesusSweatDuck 17,781]

1 hour ago, Celery Man said:

y'all have any thoughts on balance bikes (or whatever the next thing up is from her plastic car that i push her around while singing chamillionaire)?

We never used them, but went plastic tricycle instead.  Make sure you get plastic if you go this route as the metal ones might be too heavy for your kiddo initially and they'll get discouraged.

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4,976]

Our first never really did much on a balance bike, but the second can wiz around on his like no tomorrow. It helps that he has to try and keep up with her. We've got to try and transition him to a regular bike now that the weather is warming up and there is daylight in the evening.

[NoName 16,352]

18 hours ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

Our first never really did much on a balance bike, but the second can wiz around on his like no tomorrow. It helps that he has to try and keep up with her. We've got to try and transition him to a regular bike now that the weather is warming up and there is daylight in the evening.

this is what happened with nephews. first one didn't use it, second one loved it and didn't want to give it up

[YGIFS 19,450]

It's Wednesday.  About the day of the week I start feeling worthless.  My wife is already gone from the house as her sister came down from Fort Worth to have a difficult surgery here at Saint David's.  And my wife is with her now at hospital.  They'll likely be there until late afternoon/early evening.  And that's if everything goes to plan.  I'm worried for my SIL, but she's got my wife there with her so that should be of comfort to all.  

It's a busy day for my oldest, she's got piano after school and a playdate so I'll be busy shuttling them.  And my youngest...it's her 4th birthday today so I'm gonna go prep a little breakfast party, pickup treats for her classmates later, and send videos to grandparents of her opening up gifts.  I've got a shit ton to do today but fellas, I couldn't be happier about it.  I love being a day everyday, but today I am called upon to be super-dad.  And I'll likely fall short.  With any luck, since we start forming permanent memories at four years of age, my youngest munchkin will remember this as a great day with Dad.  In the end, this is really all we're here to do---give them a handful of happy memories and a few life lessons.  And then we get out of the way and let them figure the rest out.  

[Celery Man 20,961]

Ok another request for input - kids mattress. Twin. What do you guys like, what good or bad experiences have you had?

[tbone_ 14,126]

Wayfair memory foam.

[Celery Man 20,961]

Spring break 10 years ago was a full slate of SXSW shows and events with a quick trip in the middle down to Mission for a metal/hardcore festival.