Surly Dad Thread

[Mole 4330]

On 7/5/2023 at 1:50 PM, Etexhorn13 said:

Anyone’s kid have a tongue tie when they were born? Trying to figure out the best course of action re: snipping vs laser. Kinda leaning towards clipping on the advice from our pediatrician  but would love to hear anyone else’s experience with either. Doesn’t seem to be too bad except it hurts my wife to feed, but he got back up to birth weight in 3 days so he’s able to eat ok. 

Mine did about 6 years ago. I didn’t even know laser was an option. The visit with the doc took about 5 minutes and the snip took about a second. It was really no big deal.

[Seasick Sailor 3747]

On 7/5/2023 at 12:50 PM, Etexhorn13 said:

Anyone’s kid have a tongue tie when they were born? Trying to figure out the best course of action re: snipping vs laser. Kinda leaning towards clipping on the advice from our pediatrician  but would love to hear anyone else’s experience with either. Doesn’t seem to be too bad except it hurts my wife to feed, but he got back up to birth weight in 3 days so he’s able to eat ok. 

My son had a tie. I recommend going to a pediatric dentist to have it checked out before you do anything. We made the mistake of listening to a pediatrician who recommended letting her clip it and provided no information about post-op care. Unfortunately, all this led to was the clipped portions reattaching and creating scar tissue. This made the subsequent lasering more difficult and the recovery slower. It was a dumb decision in hindsight, but this was three days post-birth and we were sleep deprived and clueless. 

I hesitate to share this next part because I don't want to dissuade you from doing what you need to do, but the post-op care is brutal. You need the clipped portions to heal without reattaching to one another. For us, this meant having to forcibly push his tongue up and hold it for a few seconds seconds or so to essentially reopen the wound and then massage the wound for a few seconds. We had to do this every four hours for a few weeks. It was truly gut wrenching. You can find photos and videos of the process by searching tongue tie post-op, but, honestly, it may be better if you don't see it before you're forced to do it. 

 

[Etexhorn13 3045]

1 hour ago, Seasick Sailor said:

My son had a tie. I recommend going to a pediatric dentist to have it checked out before you do anything. We made the mistake of listening to a pediatrician who recommended letting her clip it and provided no information about post-op care. Unfortunately, all this led to was the clipped portions reattaching and creating scar tissue. This made the subsequent lasering more difficult and the recovery slower. It was a dumb decision in hindsight, but this was three days post-birth and we were sleep deprived and clueless. 

I hesitate to share this next part because I don't want to dissuade you from doing what you need to do, but the post-op care is brutal. You need the clipped portions to heal without reattaching to one another. For us, this meant having to forcibly push his tongue up and hold it for a few seconds seconds or so to essentially reopen the wound and then massage the wound for a few seconds. We had to do this every four hours for a few weeks. It was truly gut wrenching. You can find photos and videos of the process by searching tongue tie post-op, but, honestly, it may be better if you don't see it before you're forced to do it. 

 

Thank you for this, I think that’s exactly what I needed to hear. We were both just leaning toward having it snipped at first, but a lactation consultant was pretty adamant that based on my son’s tie, which while not impeding his eating still seems pretty severe, would reconnect and be problematic again later  unless we did the tongue exercises/massages and the full cut with the laser.

[scottsins 1966]

Someone asked me today what it feels like to be a new dad with a newborn.

“It feels like one of my arms is always asleep.”

[Celery Man 20934]

I feel like my baby holding/carrying stats are going to be way up for number two. I can do a quick Target trip while carrying a toddler, it doesn’t even make sense to me how I used to struggle with a little twelve pound football.

[Etexhorn13 3045]

6 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

I feel like my baby holding/carrying stats are going to be way up for number two. I can do a quick Target trip while carrying a toddler, it doesn’t even make sense to me how I used to struggle with a little twelve pound football.

Prepare for your ~2 year old to all the sudden seem MASSIVE though compared to the baby. 

[atomheartbevo 89651]

2 hours ago, Etexhorn13 said:

Thank you for this, I think that’s exactly what I needed to hear. We were both just leaning toward having it snipped at first, but a lactation consultant was pretty adamant that based on my son’s tie, which while not impeding his eating still seems pretty severe, would reconnect and be problematic again later  unless we did the tongue exercises/massages and the full cut with the laser.

Yeah, we had the same issue, did the laser, not fun, but it was hell on nursing before we had it taken care of.

One of those things we had no idea about until the baby was born.  I had never heard the term.

[YGIFS 19450]

It effects both latching for feeding, and within 18 months...can severely impact the speech articulation of baby.  It's painful to watch and the recovery can be rough...but it beats the hell outta doing it when they're 2 and can describe the pain in detail.  And again, it can present huge feeding problems early on if not addressed.  I don't know about 3 days after birth.  I think we waited about a week-10days with each munchkin for the conventional snip below the tongue.

I had to get something like that done when I was in junior high because my jaw just quit growing while the rest of me kept plowing ahead on puberty.  And it would eventually fuck up my speech.  So they put in this semi-permanent 'bridge' thing across the top of my mouth that I wore for like 9 months, during which I spoke with a lisp because of the shortened ceiling in my mouth.  And I had to tighten it every couple nights with this key thing, way more painful than braces (which I got later on).  So they take it off and my jaw had settled correctly but now my tongue couldn't reach the roof of my mouth for certain phonetic sounds.  So I had to get that web under my tongue snipped.  They shot up around the soft tissue on the bottom of my mouth with a numbing agent, but that needle hurt like a mother fucker.  I don't know what's underneath that tissue but it's all nerves apparently.  They snipped and I couldn't talk or chew for days.  I was probably 12 and the pain was excruciating and really fucked with my speech for awhile.  /csb

Get it done sooner rather than later, coming from me and my speech therapist wife who has to have this awkward conversation with parents of children ages 2-12 every single month.  

[ConferenceRoom 6141]

Start ‘em young. 

[mdmost 43001]

I remember when my oldest was that small. I took her to get her learner's permit today. Fuck. 

[Celery Man 20934]

Stawbaries

[Thatguy 8687]

On 7/4/2023 at 10:51 AM, Fudbelty said:

I’m on Facebook and it does memories for every post on every day. Definitely hits me in the member berries.

This is our middle at 2.5 and 10.5

   Ah....the good ole days before teenage demon possession. Enjoy these last moments my friend. There is no going back from here. Even when they come out the other side after the exorcism, they are never the same. 

[ocugolf 1214]

Just tried our first round of IVF at 38 and 37.  Wife has a cyst on her right ovary and of course, that was where our best follicles were.  Lots of discussion about whether to move forward, try an IUI or try again in a couple months.  Last ultrasound, Dr. found 2 more follicles that he thought looked good.  Doctor didn't like our chances to get more than 1-2 eggs but went forward with the retrieval.  We actually got 4 eggs. Wife was ecstatic, if you have followed our journey on here, you would know why.  Fast forward 18 hours and 2 of the eggs weren't mature, one wasn't high quality, and the other didn't get fertilized when they tried.  So, no luck. 20k down the drain.  Wife is distraught.  Probably going to try one more time before we become the cool aunt and uncle to everyone else's kids.  It's amazing the people who don't even want kids end up with 6, and we can't.  I'm so damn tired of all of this.

[hookem2010 2624]

Sorry man, that's rough. Well wishes sent your way. I can't imagine the frustration and sadness. I hope it works out for y'all if you choose to pursue it again.

[NoName 16351]

potty training boot camp is happening this weekend. daughter decided she wanted to use the potty at daycare (pooped in it) and based on their rec, we are rolling with it. purchased the biglittlefeelings program based on some recs from friends, but open to any other recs/resources that you guys have on this front.

she's ~17 mo old. so should be interesting...either way. it's happening.

Edited July 26, 2023 by NoName

[ocugolf 1214]

On 7/18/2023 at 2:35 PM, hookem2010 said:

Sorry man, that's rough. Well wishes sent your way. I can't imagine the frustration and sadness. I hope it works out for y'all if you choose to pursue it again.

Thank you! Doctor actually gave us the thumbs up to try again in December.  Will need all the positive vibes then.

[Goofyboy 3280]

potty training boot camp is happening this weekend. daughter decided she wanted to use the potty at daycare (pooped in it) and based on their rec, we are rolling with it. purchased the biglittlefeelings program based on some recs from friends, but open to any other recs/resources that you guys have on this front.
she's ~17 mo old. so should be interesting...either way. it's happening.

Overnight might take a whole lot longer than day time. Also, outright bribery worked for my niece.

[Celery Man 20934]

On 7/18/2023 at 3:03 PM, ocugolf said:

Just tried our first round of IVF at 38 and 37.  Wife has a cyst on her right ovary and of course, that was where our best follicles were.  Lots of discussion about whether to move forward, try an IUI or try again in a couple months.  Last ultrasound, Dr. found 2 more follicles that he thought looked good.  Doctor didn't like our chances to get more than 1-2 eggs but went forward with the retrieval.  We actually got 4 eggs. Wife was ecstatic, if you have followed our journey on here, you would know why.  Fast forward 18 hours and 2 of the eggs weren't mature, one wasn't high quality, and the other didn't get fertilized when they tried.  So, no luck. 20k down the drain.  Wife is distraught.  Probably going to try one more time before we become the cool aunt and uncle to everyone else's kids.  It's amazing the people who don't even want kids end up with 6, and we can't.  I'm so damn tired of all of this.

Fingers crossed for next time. Take care of your wife, and yourself too.

6 hours ago, NoName said:

potty training boot camp is happening this weekend. daughter decided she wanted to use the potty at daycare (pooped in it) and based on their rec, we are rolling with it. purchased the biglittlefeelings program based on some recs from friends, but open to any other recs/resources that you guys have on this front.

she's ~17 mo old. so should be interesting...either way. it's happening.

We’re maybe failures at this since we did the whole potty training week over Christmas and she’s still in diapers at daycare and at night. But, I think that’s mostly on us and starting too early (and Rory is actually somewhat potty trained, she’s mostly non diaper during the afternoon and evening. For some reason she has a hard time in the car seat and that’s what kills me. Anyways, book rec

[pacman 7355]

6 hours ago, ocugolf said:

Thank you! Doctor actually gave us the thumbs up to try again in December.  Will need all the positive vibes then.

Have a good friend who is due for her first born in November, at 46..same story, literally the last chance!

Will certainly send you all positive vibes.

[NoName 16351]

13 hours ago, Goofyboy said:

Overnight might take a whole lot longer than day time. Also, outright bribery worked for my niece.

focusing on days now for sure. thank yoU!

12 hours ago, Celery Man said:

We’re maybe failures at this since we did the whole potty training week over Christmas and she’s still in diapers at daycare and at night. But, I think that’s mostly on us and starting too early (and Rory is actually somewhat potty trained, she’s mostly non diaper during the afternoon and evening. For some reason she has a hard time in the car seat and that’s what kills me. Anyways, book rec

thank you, the program we are doing is very very close to oh crap evidently (big little feelings)

[Modessit 5600]

Just tried our first round of IVF at 38 and 37.  Wife has a cyst on her right ovary and of course, that was where our best follicles were.  Lots of discussion about whether to move forward, try an IUI or try again in a couple months.  Last ultrasound, Dr. found 2 more follicles that he thought looked good.  Doctor didn't like our chances to get more than 1-2 eggs but went forward with the retrieval.  We actually got 4 eggs. Wife was ecstatic, if you have followed our journey on here, you would know why.  Fast forward 18 hours and 2 of the eggs weren't mature, one wasn't high quality, and the other didn't get fertilized when they tried.  So, no luck. 20k down the drain.  Wife is distraught.  Probably going to try one more time before we become the cool aunt and uncle to everyone else's kids.  It's amazing the people who don't even want kids end up with 6, and we can't.  I'm so damn tired of all of this.

We did 8 IUI's with 3 "you're pregnant" but 2 that failed before one finally stuck. He turns 10 in November. Wife was 34 at the time. First pregnancy was a blighted ovum - just stopped developing. 2nd never even got to the 1st ultrasound. 5 others that didn't work.

Almost 2 years later - wife was 36 - we decided to just use the leftover ovulation test strips and not spend the money. Got pregnant on the first try. She turned 7 this past Feb.

[Celery Man 20934]

Wife walks in: wait, are you using the soda stream on her water??

me: …no

rory holds up her cup: more spicy water

Edited July 31, 2023 by Celery Man

[GoPokes83 2240]

Growing up we had about 2 acres of front yard, no riding mower or finish mower for the tractor. The old man had 4 sons and a 21 inch push mower. Preteen days and I’d be out there pushing for awhile and here would come my dad telling me, “Let me spell you for a minute” and then he’d mow the rest of the section I was working on. Part of me had my feelings hurt as I was doing the best I could and wanted to please my dad, but most of me was more than happy to go back into the house and listen to some BTO or 3 Dog Night. Fast forward to last night! My 11 year old was going on a 3 day trip to the water park with her pal and wanted Mom’s car cleaned up for the trip. So we’re out there washing it and listening to some music and she’s just not doing it the right way, which of course is how I’d do it. I started to say something and I sweatergod “Let me spell you” came into my head! I bit my damn tongue right quick! I had to remind myself to live in the damn moment, she’s not on her freaking phone and actually wants to spend time with her old ass dad for a change! Who gives a shit if there’s a couple of missed spots on a car that’ll be dirty again the next day? If I live through them I have maybe 18 summers with her til she’s out on her own and we’re closing out number 11. As my old friend (now dead) used to tell me when he was fighting cancer, “This ain’t a rehearsal, this is it, the only life you get. Enjoy every second!” That’s it, just some bullshit I needed to remind myself of.

[Celery Man 20934]

I’ve created a monster

[Guest]

Grandson had first birthday this past Saturday and went for scheduled check up with doctor today.

35 inches long

31 pounds.

Keep working on that footspeed and balance.  Counting to 3 will help also.

Edited August 4, 2023 by slorch

[hookem2010 2624]

That's a big dude! My 14 month-old has seemed on the verge of walking, clearly saying his first word and popping a tooth for months. Outside of maaaaybe saying Dada, he still hasn't reached those milestones. Probably doesn't help that he has been sick 3 times since his birthday and we quickly bailed on daycare since they were clearly understaffed for his age and sucked at communicating. Hopefully, when he restarts elsewhere in a couple months he's a walking, talking, toothed maniac instead of just a maniac.

Edited August 4, 2023 by hookem2010

[Celery Man 20934]

I really didn't love the first place we had Rory - felt very much like a money making venture, which of course it is but I did not feel at ease. She's in what I guess is (probably now outdated to be) called a "Mother's Day Out" program at a local church - 8:30 to 12:30 every weekday. And it's great, she loves her teachers and talks about her friends and I've met her teachers who are great. It's fun figuring out whatever it is she's talking about - she'll sing a little snippet of something and I'll get her to repeat it until I determine that they've done "skinimarinkidoo" or whatever in class. She kept going on about Jessica and I was excited that she had a friend with a '90s name until I realized that that was a new teacher who is my age. I dunno, it's great and we're happy. We have some parent friends down the street whose mom mentioned that they tried a few daycares before they found one that they felt OK about and now they really like it.

The whole meandering paragraph above just to state, definitely go with your gut and yank your kid from a place you don't feel good about, but be optimistic that you'll find something you will like. It seems like a common experience from my sample of two.

[Al_4_ISU 12458]

Joined the club on Saturday. Nearly 6 years to the date after our first infertility appointment.

[patrickdrinksbeer 788]

Congrats, Al!

[tbone_ 14115]

Enjoy the journey.

[GoPokes83 2240]

Joined the club on Saturday. Nearly 6 years to the date after our first infertility appointment.

Outstanding!! Congratulations and enjoy the new sets of worries.

[Celery Man 20934]

Hell yeah brother.

 

Lemme guess - name choice for girl was Maisie, boy would have been Milo?

[Jkwellborn 6697]

Hell yeah brother.
 
Lemme guess - name choice for girl was Maisie, boy would have been Milo?

Come on man, that’s a little corny.

[Al_4_ISU 12458]

6 hours ago, Celery Man said:

Hell yeah brother.

 

Lemme guess - name choice for girl was Maisie, boy would have been Milo?

She’s Sloane Taylor.  Sloane came from a baby name Tinder-esque app my wife and I used, Taylor was my younger cousin, who I was really close with who died in an ATV accident when he was 9.

A close friend of mine (who also farms) has a 1 year old named Maisie actually 

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

Congrats man. We’re here for you for almost anything…except between 2-6AM, you’re on your own then

[Al_4_ISU 12458]

Congrats man. We’re here for you for almost anything…except between 2-6AM, you’re on your own then

I’ve been watching sports docs in that window. JFF a couple nights ago, Pony Excess last night.

She turns into a monster around 3AM. Little shit has me wrapped around her finger for sure

[Celery Man 20934]

46 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

She’s Sloane Taylor.  Sloane came from a baby name Tinder-esque app my wife and I used, Taylor was my younger cousin, who I was really close with who died in an ATV accident when he was 9.

A close friend of mine (who also farms) has a 1 year old named Maisie actually 

well shit, I didn't know this babyname tinder app existed but now I have it on my phone and it's going to be a thing. we're having a much harder time with the boy name.

 

Sloane is a beautiful name. Also a great classic teen movie character. I love being a girl dad, really happy for you. Target sells a blue packet of wipes that i can fit in my pockets in the travel section. Everything that your wife packs into the diaper bag, load your car up with. Sounds like you may already be there but for lots of dads, the really strong emotional attachment feelings grow over time - she's a sleeping crying poop machine right now and she's your #1 responsibility, but before you know it she's going to be a whole person. Each little phase takes forever and goes super quick.

[mdmost 43001]

Sloane, huh. So that's how it is in your family?

Congrats!

[Al_4_ISU 12458]

57 minutes ago, mdmost said:

Sloane, huh. So that's how it is in your family?

Congrats!

That was the only use of that name I knew of.

[YGIFS 19450]

As lovely a name as it is, I guess it's weird to think about...it seems ubiquitous but when you stop and recollect.  It's just Sloan from the movie and then Sloan Thomas, our badass wide-receiver.  I don't know any other ones, and half the ones I do know aren't even real people...just characters.  

My oldest one's name is very trendy now for girls her age and younger.  But she knows she was named for my wife's maternal grandmother who is turning 95 next year, so not exactly a trend.  Always cool to pass along a family name as you have done for girls, it's easy to for boys...almost expected.  But for girls, 10x cooler.  When it came time to name the second one, wife and I had a surreal conversation with the oldest on Mount Bonnell with the older one who was almost 4 at the time.  We sat watching the sun shimmer off the waters and explained we had something to tell her.  Mommy was about 4 months along so we were gonna start telling people there was another baby on the way and that it was a girl.  And she asked what the baby's name would be, if it would be like hers and be somebody older in our family?  We said, "Not this time.  God willing we'll be around for a few decades.  But you and this new baby girl are gonna know one another for a whole hundred years.  A century of sisterhood and hopefully friendship.  So you name her because you'll be saying that name a lot longer than we will."  We walked off that mountain and at the bottom, she gave her a first name.  We picked the middle one to appease my mom.  And god willing, it'll stick for another 95 years.  And of course, while we all love it, there's like 9 girls in her school with the same name but it came from a christmas book my oldest loved as a toddler.  

All that to say, to the Sloane's.  To the girl dads.  To not getting enough sleep.  To getting too much shit.  To cleaning up too much shit.  To not enough shit you get worried.  To the worrying about all the shit.  To the shit we forget to worry about because we didn't get enough sleep but got shit about getting too much sleep.  And all the shit in between.  To the daughters.  Nothing else seems to be worth a shit.  

[Hermanator 7039]

Lately I've been feeling guilty about having kids. Feeling guilty about bringing life into this crumbling and failing society that will have to deal with every year in this country being worse than the last. Having to deal with living in the dystopian future I read about as a kid that we are now in even if most don't realize it yet. 

I know I'm not guilty because when they were born in 2004 and 2007 things appeared much more stable. The society had been prosperous for decades and the cracks of what would begin to happen had only started to appear and I had no way to see them. It is what it is but I don't like the thought of leaving them in this place when I check out. 

I haven't and won't tell them my preference but I hope they both decide to not have kids. Don't create future life to be subjected to this existence. It's not going to get better. 

Sorry for a minor rant just had to get that out and better here than to anyone who actually knows me. 

Edited August 11, 2023 by Hermanator

[DalTxHornFan 3101]

25 minutes ago, Hermanator said:

Sorry for a minor rant just had to get that out and better here than to anyone who actually knows me. 

No shit. All of that was pretty stupid.  Do better.

[Jkwellborn 6697]

That’s a bad Brisket type rant. Teach your kids to be good human beings. It’s all you can to. Well, that and love the hell out of them. Maybe they can bring joy into someone’s life.

[Hermanator 7039]

7 minutes ago, Jkwellborn said:

That’s a bad Brisket type rant. Teach your kids to be good human beings. It’s all you can to. Well, that and love the hell out of them. Maybe they can bring joy into someone’s life.

I do, but is all of the suffering they will encounter, much of which will be out of their hands due to a collapsing civilization, worth this existence as it is? I don't think it is. I don't think mine has been and I've led what would be considered a successful life with a career in the sciences. 

The existential dread is a primary reason man invented religion. Then when man gets disillusioned by their established religion because it's bullshit they create another then another and so on. It's the same tale that's been going on for all of human history. A shell game to keep us occupied rearranging the deck chairs until our existence ends because whether we realize it or delude ourselves we're all in that same boat. 

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

I thought you were sorry for your minor rants after the first one.

Don’t fuck up this pure thread. Nobody cares about your whining

[mdmost 43001]

Or you can be the one helping them to make things better. Have them volunteer even at an early age. Do things that help them build up empathy for others. Yeah, there's a lot of dread out there but it's our responsibility to help mold our kids to be better people than we are and to help those out there who have it worse.

[Al_4_ISU 12458]

Or you can be the one helping them to make things better. Have them volunteer even at an early age. Do things that help them build up empathy for others. Yeah, there's a lot of dread out there but it's our responsibility to help mold our kids to be better people than we are and to help those out there who have it worse.

This is where I’m at. I see a lot of bad in the world, but the only way to do anything is to be the good you want to see. My goal is to demonstrate empathy, kindness, hard work, and investment in your community to my daughter in hopes she brings that to her world.

[Al_4_ISU 12458]

Lately I've been feeling guilty about having kids. Feeling guilty about bringing life into this crumbling and failing society that will have to deal with every year in this country being worse than the last. Having to deal with living in the dystopian future I read about as a kid that we are now in even if most don't realize it yet. 
I know I'm not guilty because when they were born in 2004 and 2007 things appeared much more stable. The society had been prosperous for decades and the cracks of what would begin to happen had only started to appear and I had no way to see them. It is what it is but I don't like the thought of leaving them in this place when I check out. 
I haven't and won't tell them my preference but I hope they both decide to not have kids. Don't create future life to be subjected to this existence. It's not going to get better. 
Sorry for a minor rant just had to get that out and better here than to anyone who actually knows me. 

My grandpa was born in the Great Depression. When he was in grade school there was a world war where multiple evil despots tried to literally take over the world by force and commit genocide on an entire race/religion. The majority of his adult life saw the most prosperous, peaceful, and healthy era this world has ever known.

Human history has cycles. People who are currently alive (my grandpa is 88 and got to hold his great granddaughter yesterday) remember a time exponentially darker than the one we live in now.

Chill the fuck out.

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4976]

On 8/10/2023 at 8:32 PM, Celery Man said:

well shit, I didn't know this babyname tinder app existed but now I have it on my phone and it's going to be a thing. we're having a much harder time with the boy name.

 

Sloane is a beautiful name. Also a great classic teen movie character. I love being a girl dad, really happy for you. Target sells a blue packet of wipes that i can fit in my pockets in the travel section. Everything that your wife packs into the diaper bag, load your car up with. Sounds like you may already be there but for lots of dads, the really strong emotional attachment feelings grow over time - she's a sleeping crying poop machine right now and she's your #1 responsibility, but before you know it she's going to be a whole person. Each little phase takes forever and goes super quick.

Jedediah Luke. Or Jedi Luke for short. But who am I kidding, your child will be Harry or Potter.

[Fudbelty 2788]

Wanna talk about weird? 13 10 & 7yr olds have all been at camp since Sunday. First night I didn’t sleep at all because they weren’t here. First time in almost 14 years we haven’t had a kid in our home. The quiet time was strange. Dogs even missed them. We go pick them up tomorrow and I’m stoked.