Surly Dad Thread

[BabaYaga 15290]

5 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

so you just have to play the ball as it lies.  Sometimes, you're a foot from the green.  Sometimes, you're in the goddamned rough two holes over.

[Boss Hogg 808]

6 hours ago, Goofyboy said:

Congrats on your kid being the mascot! If they wants to continue into college, have work on their skits and film / document a lot. I was the UT mascot from 98-2001. It was an amazing experience. One of the guys on the squad became Orbit for a time and still works for the Astros.

Thanks. Yeah that’s his goal. He’s off to a good start. Won top mascot at his first NCA camp in Galveston. Now evidently we need to set up Instagram and/or TiKTok account to start documenting stuff. 

[Brisketexan 105095]

Still working with the college grad daughter on navigating this transition to the next, "adult" stage of life.  Tough job market out there (for jobs in her field, international relations/cross-cultural communication/foreign language/diplomacy-related) for "starter jobs."  She's patched a couple of things together, with one decent thing starting October 1, but really, we want her to find something preferably in NYC or DC where she gets up, takes the train to work, works a full day, and learns how to be an actual "adult" (that is, no longer a student, with summers off and that sort of shit).

She has a hard time with transitions -- from elementary to middle school, to high school, to college, and now...to what's next.  She has anxiety, so she manages that by planning everything out so she knows EXACTLY what's coming next.  Except in this sort of thing ("life," we call it), you can't do that.  You can't know what's next.  I watch her going through this, and it rips me up.  Fear, looking backwards.  When the exact same perspective can become an embrace of all the possibilities and promise of the alternatives before you.  I shared this Gibran piece with her today:

Fear
by
Kahlil Gibran

Next 

It is said that before entering the sea
a river trembles with fear.

She looks back at the path she has traveled,
from the peaks of the mountains,
the long winding road crossing forests and villages.

And in front of her,
she sees an ocean so vast,
that to enter
there seems nothing more than to disappear forever.

But there is no other way.
The river can not go back.

Nobody can go back.
To go back is impossible in existence.

The river needs to take the risk
of entering the ocean
because only then will fear disappear,
because that’s where the river will know
it’s not about disappearing into the ocean,
but of becoming the ocean.

 

We're just planting thoughts, ideas, and vision wherever we can.  Over time, hopefully some of it will take.

[South Austin 52463]

My 12-year-old son ran in his first cross country meet Saturday morning. It’s only about the fifth time in his life he’s run two miles, and he’s not exactly the next Steve Prefontaine. But he’s enjoying it, and when I ran next to him on the last stretch toward the finish line shouting encouragement, he kicked it up a few gears and passed two runners, with the biggest grin on his face.

I love being a dad.

[next2naus 439]

On 7/18/2023 at 3:03 PM, ocugolf said:

Just tried our first round of IVF at 38 and 37.  Wife has a cyst on her right ovary and of course, that was where our best follicles were.  Lots of discussion about whether to move forward, try an IUI or try again in a couple months.  Last ultrasound, Dr. found 2 more follicles that he thought looked good.  Doctor didn't like our chances to get more than 1-2 eggs but went forward with the retrieval.  We actually got 4 eggs. Wife was ecstatic, if you have followed our journey on here, you would know why.  Fast forward 18 hours and 2 of the eggs weren't mature, one wasn't high quality, and the other didn't get fertilized when they tried.  So, no luck. 20k down the drain.  Wife is distraught.  Probably going to try one more time before we become the cool aunt and uncle to everyone else's kids.  It's amazing the people who don't even want kids end up with 6, and we can't.  I'm so damn tired of all of this.

Adopt

[next2naus 439]

On 8/11/2023 at 12:28 AM, Hermanator said:

Lately I've been feeling guilty about having kids. Feeling guilty about bringing life into this crumbling and failing society that will have to deal with every year in this country being worse than the last. Having to deal with living in the dystopian future I read about as a kid that we are now in even if most don't realize it yet. 

I know I'm not guilty because when they were born in 2004 and 2007 things appeared much more stable. The society had been prosperous for decades and the cracks of what would begin to happen had only started to appear and I had no way to see them. It is what it is but I don't like the thought of leaving them in this place when I check out. 

I haven't and won't tell them my preference but I hope they both decide to not have kids. Don't create future life to be subjected to this existence. It's not going to get better. 

Sorry for a minor rant just had to get that out and better here than to anyone who actually knows me. 

Life is challenging, the glass is not half full or half empty, we drink from the waterfall.

 

[YGIFS 19450]

20 hours ago, South Austin said:

My 12-year-old son ran in his first cross country meet Saturday morning. It’s only about the fifth time in his life he’s run two miles, and he’s not exactly the next Steve Prefontaine. But he’s enjoying it, and when I ran next to him on the last stretch toward the finish line shouting encouragement, he kicked it up a few gears and passed two runners, with the biggest grin on his face.

I love being a dad.

That's really cool man.  My daughter finally swam the length of a full-size pool towards end of summer to qualify for swim 'team'.  The mean lady in the lane that was next to the classes lane wouldn't move the fuck outta the way, but eventually did so I could swim parallel to her to encourage my daughter.  It was a cool moment.  

Also, your photo is the perfect encapsulation of this bullshit summer in Austin. 

"Alright runners, here's the cross country course.  Stay within the boundaries to avoid penalty."\

-Hey wait, this course just looks a hot asphalt parking lot!

"Well it's summer in Austin.  All the grass is dead and/or burning.  So we're using un-shaded parking lots to stay cooler.  Just do your best and have fun out there!" 

[South Austin 52463]

56 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

"Well it's summer in Austin.  All the grass is dead and/or burning.  So we're using un-shaded parking lots to stay cooler.  Just do your best and have fun out there!" 

Haha. Fortunately his next cross-country meet is more country.

[Celery Man 20934]

I love this phase of kid-dom where she is verbal but you just don't quite know what she's actually talking about half the time. Casually asking other preschool parents what their kids' names are trying to figure out who the fuck this "Pasie" character she keeps talking about might be.

Anyways, for weeks she keeps talking about caterpillars. We got her the hungry hungry caterpillar and she's way into it, this must be it. They read this at school. And she's talking about how she saw a caterpillar at school, and it was scary. Ok, they must have seen a caterpillar on the playground, the teacher showed them because they are reading the book, it is black and fuzzy, everything checks out. But she just keeps going on about the caterpillar. Vivid imagination, she's fixated on the caterpillar, ok not the weirdest thing going on in my life.

I picked her up from preschool yesterday and pulled off to get her fastened into her seat and she began pointing and talking about the caterpillar outside

 

 

 

Ah. Yeah that tracks.

Edited September 7, 2023 by Celery Man

[ocugolf 1214]

On 9/5/2023 at 9:29 AM, next2naus said:

Adopt

I wish it were that simple. If and when we have exhausted all other options, we will definitely consider. I can’t in my right mind tell my wife that we can’t produce our own without trying.  The thought of not having our own sends the wife into a tailspin. And that is nothing to say about people that adopt. They are doing the lords work. That’s an amazing gift you are giving a little one. 

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4976]

It doesn't take long to figure out that adoption is almost as hard as just getting pregnant. And a lot more expensive. Maybe we should do something about that. 

Edited September 8, 2023 by NotActuallyALonghorn

[YGIFS 19450]

The other issue rarely addressed is by the time people wait to start trying, and then go through years of medical assistance, and conclude they can't have children---most adoption agencies will shun them due to their old(er) age.  It's a shitty cycle.  A few years ago, just one time, offered to my wife's sister and husband who were having trouble...if you'd like to adopt, none of my business, but you should start the process now (they had just hit 40) and I can help with a lot of red tape.  They only wanted au natural, and that's fine.  I just wanted to make the offer just the one time, none of my  business otherwise.  It's now medically impossible for them at 42 and they've also realized adoption is now no longer an option at their age and given their schedules as business owners.  

We're still a primitive animal in some respects.  We want our own natural offspring.  Totally natural and blessed.  When we were having challenges in our mid 30's, I discretely started the process just in case because I knew it'd take a couple years and we could still try naturally at the same time.  I think knowing that other plan was there helped take some pressure off and we got pregnant very soon after.  

It's different for everybody.  But I go back to that adage of bullshit I heard 1000 times, "You can't stress out about it.  That's why you're having issues.  When you quit worrying, that's when God will bless you with your baby."  Telling a couple in the back half of their 30's to quit worrying so much and just let God and nature take their course is like telling a woman on an ether binge holding a bottle of Jaeger and a bowie knife to "Just calm down"  not really fucking helping, Karen! 

[Guest]

My childhood best friend and his older brother are were adopted as infants because their parents were told they wouldn't be able to have kids naturally.  Then the parents had 2 boys and a daughter naturally, for a total of 5 kids.

 

Sometimes:

Edited September 8, 2023 by slorch

[NoName 16351]

13 hours ago, ocugolf said:

I wish it were that simple. If and when we have exhausted all other options, we will definitely consider. I can’t in my right mind tell my wife that we can’t produce our own without trying.  The thought of not having our own sends the wife into a tailspin. And that is nothing to say about people that adopt. They are doing the lords work. That’s an amazing gift you are giving a little one. 

totally understand this, have friends where that's the case (either husband or wife)

good luck with the whole process friend. you always have a space here where folks will listen and are pulling for you!

[next2naus 439]

17 hours ago, ocugolf said:

I wish it were that simple. If and when we have exhausted all other options, we will definitely consider. I can’t in my right mind tell my wife that we can’t produce our own without trying.  The thought of not having our own sends the wife into a tailspin. And that is nothing to say about people that adopt. They are doing the lords work. That’s an amazing gift you are giving a little one. 

I get it. We went thru multiple miscarrages, IUI (waste of time IMHO) and IVF...multiple IVF which lead to twins...and yes...its costly but what isn't when it comes to kids?

[NorthLoop 14190]

On 9/4/2023 at 12:36 PM, South Austin said:

My 12-year-old son ran in his first cross country meet Saturday morning. It’s only about the fifth time in his life he’s run two miles, and he’s not exactly the next Steve Prefontaine. But he’s enjoying it, and when I ran next to him on the last stretch toward the finish line shouting encouragement, he kicked it up a few gears and passed two runners, with the biggest grin on his face.

I love being a dad.

"Hey kiddo, you wanna hear another story about your grandma?" 

*kid kicks it into another gear

[Celery Man 20934]

 

she doesn’t need a bath 

[Fudge Nuggets 19190]

My kid competed in a cross country meet today and had her worst outing of the young season so she was pissed off at herself.  We're in the car and she's still moping when I reminded her she probably didn't get enough work in this week since she missed one practice for a study session before her algebra test and had an orthodontist appointment during another practice.

She looks at me and says, "Man, we in here talkin' 'bout practice?"  Definitely a proud dad moment.

 

[YGIFS 19450]

On 9/9/2023 at 7:07 PM, Celery Man said:

 

she doesn’t need a bath 

if I could have sent those fucking dogs to Korea to be dealt with appropriately, I'd have saved so much fucking money over the years.  

[hookemATL 11714]

Been super busy with work and this week was a combination of a shitstorm and a shitshow. But it is so easy to recharge when I can get some time with my girls. Took my youngest to the park (thank fuck for this weather change) and today we are taking her big sister to the game with one of her bffs. 
 

🤘to all the shaggy dads during football season. 
 

[Jerry Callo 8700]

Seems like yesterday we took the girls to their first UT game.  Last night my oldest was watching from the front row of the student section in DKR. 

[hookemATL 11714]

I nearly had an aneurysm about 5 times but they had a blast. The drone show had them wide eyed. Prolly helped that they were on a sugar rush too. Great day🤘

 

[pacman 7355]

Singing The Eyes with the kids still gets me teary-eyed, even after 21 years..

[hookemATL 11714]

3 hours ago, pacman said:

Singing The Eyes with the kids still gets me teary-eyed, even after 21 years..

I got several comments on how good of a fan my daughter is. Never even a thought to leaving before singing the eyes🤘

[fuggled 576]

This past Saturday I was making breakfast for my 9 year old.

Son: "Dad, what does superstitious mean?"

Me: thinking..."Well, superstitious is when you believe in something even when there's no evidence for it."

Son: "So, like God, right?"

Me: "...don't talk to your Mom about this."

[pacman 7355]

8 hours ago, fuggled said:

This past Saturday I was making breakfast for my 9 year old.

Son: "Dad, what does superstitious mean?"

Me: thinking..."Well, superstitious is when you believe in something even when there's no evidence for it."

Son: "So, like God, right?"

Me: "...don't talk to your Mom about this."

My standard go to, "ask alexa!"

[GoPokes83 2240]

Think I posted here awhile back that many of my 10 year old daughter’s friends started having their periods and I knew the countdown had begun, so I stashed period panties inconspicuously in all our vehicles, and even a pair in the boat. Well she’s 11 now and guess what happened in the mall last Saturday? My smug ass was in full hero mode and I said “I’ll be right back, I’m on this!” Run out to my wife’s car lift up the little cubby cover in the back over the spare tire and no panties! Turns out my wife saw them in there and thought the kid had left them in there and had actually gotten on to her about leaving her stuff everywhere. They were in a ziplock, in a cubby we never access and had period panties written on the bag in sharpie!! Anyhoo, trip cut short. And this is another holy shit dad moment for me.

[Armybrat 40832]

My brother’s four great-granddaughters….

 

[Post Oak 20209]

Told my boy we were going to the barber this morning then we would go get breakfast after that.  He didn't sound too excited and I asked what's wrong.  He said is that place a taqueria? I said of course. he said ok.  Now I'm excited. My man loves a good taqueria breakfast like his old man.

[South Austin 52463]

On 9/16/2023 at 9:54 AM, hookemATL said:

Reminds me of my daughter’s first Longhorn game. She’s now a senior in high school. Sigh.

[Armybrat 40832]

39 minutes ago, South Austin said:

Reminds me of my daughter’s first Longhorn game. She’s now a senior in high school. Sigh.

She couldn’t bear to listen to Bob Cole either?

[mdmost 43001]

Helped my younger one with her Physics project this week. It was building a mousetrap race car where the car was powered by string tied to the back wheel and a stick that brought the mouse trap forward. Gave me flashbacks to when my mom would help me with my science projects. I called her the next day to thank her for all those times she stayed up late to help me when I procrastinated on a project or just didn't have much interest in completing it. Another instance of life coming full circle. 

[Jkwellborn 6697]

Helped my younger one with her Physics project this week. It was building a mousetrap race car where the car was powered by string tied to the back wheel and a stick that brought the mouse trap forward. Gave me flashbacks to when my mom would help me with my science projects. I called her the next day to thank her for all those times she stayed up late to help me when I procrastinated on a project or just didn't have much interest in completing it. Another instance of life coming full circle. 

Had the same project when I was a freshman in physics.

[mdmost 43001]

9 minutes ago, Jkwellborn said:

Had the same project when I was a freshman in physics.

She's in 8th grade. It's a very advanced project for 8th graders and her teacher's instructions were "look up how to make one on Google". Now, she did give them parameters like the car needed to go 2 meters and told them what they needed to measure, what to graph, and to write a conclusion/observations/what you would do better paragraph. But she really just threw these kids in the deep end of the pool.

Her first car had tiny bottle cap wheels that wouldn't spin enough. We then found one that you make with cardboard, straws, and CDs for wheels. She could never get the crank to work properly. Every time she wound it, the mousetrap instantly went forward. We finally figured out the wheels were too wobbly so there was no friction. We also changed the stick out for something more sturdy. Once we fixed the stability problem, it worked great. I was really worried she would have to take a zero. A lot of kids in her class couldn't even get their cars to work. 

All that said, she did procrastinate and I got onto her a bit for that. But she is her father's child. So I used that to tell her that I know what she's going through but that's why I like to break up projects into chunks and work on them a little each day. She has ADHD so it can be difficult to focus for her, especially after she gets frustrated. But she persevered which was more important. Now she has an experience to learn off of. 

Edited September 23, 2023 by mdmost

[Jkwellborn 6697]

She's in 8th grade. It's a very advanced project for 8th graders and her teacher's instructions were "look up how to make one on Google". Now, she did give them parameters like the car needed to go 2 meters and told them what they needed to measure, what to graph, and to write a conclusion/observations/what you would do better paragraph. But she really just threw these kids in the deep end of the pool.
Her first car had tiny bottle cap wheels that wouldn't spin enough. We then found one that you make with cardboard, straws, and CDs for wheels. She could never get the crank to work properly. Every time she wound it, the mousetrap instantly went forward. We finally figured out the wheels were too wobbly so there was no friction. We also changed the stick out for something more sturdy. Once we fixed the stability problem, it worked great. I was really worried she would have to take a zero. A lot of kids in her class couldn't even get their cars to work. 
All that said, she did procrastinate and I got onto her a bit for that. But she is her father's child. So I used that to tell her that I know what she's going through but that's why I like to break up projects into chunks and work on them a little each day. She has ADHD so it can be difficult to focus for her, especially after she gets frustrated. But she persevered which was more important. Now she has an experience to learn off of. 

I took a broken toy car for the base. Put rubber bands around the wheels for traction because I had the same problem.

[Fudbelty 2788]

Think I posted here awhile back that many of my 10 year old daughter’s friends started having their periods and I knew the countdown had begun, so I stashed period panties inconspicuously in all our vehicles, and even a pair in the boat. Well she’s 11 now and guess what happened in the mall last Saturday? My smug ass was in full hero mode and I said “I’ll be right back, I’m on this!” Run out to my wife’s car lift up the little cubby cover in the back over the spare tire and no panties! Turns out my wife saw them in there and thought the kid had left them in there and had actually gotten on to her about leaving her stuff everywhere. They were in a ziplock, in a cubby we never access and had period panties written on the bag in sharpie!! Anyhoo, trip cut short. And this is another holy shit dad moment for me.

Bullshit. Wives never take anything out of their own cars and certainly don’t look in hidden compartments.

My youngest girl is turning 11 soon and it hasn’t hit. First one didn’t bother me too much because mom handles that but the second is 100% daddy’s girl and I’m not ready.

[Thatguy 8686]

  Proud papa moment- Kid made the phenom watchlist for vball for the second straight year. Last game she hit over .300 had 4 servicing aces, 3 blocks, and 6 digs on defense. She has hit highs of .471 and .750 so far this season at school. Against one of the best teams on her schedule she hit .395 and 18 kills. Not too bad for a 15 yr old. She is the best kid at her age group at her club and recruiters are starting to talk to her through back channels(can't talk to her yet officially). It's cool to watch her grow and play the game she loves.

[wild_turkey 3159]

We took our kiddo to her first Longhorn game this weekend. We retreated to the alumni center for a little bit in the first half, but we spent the second half in the stadium and stayed for The Eyes. She enjoyed most of it, having plenty of new things to look at and being the center of attention for a lot of nearby fans. Whether she eventually goes to UT or chooses a different path, it was a special moment for us.

[Al_4_ISU 12457]

Finishing off her first week of day care today, and turned 2 months old yesterday.

I bet she can’t even name 5 of their songs.

[Brisketexan 105095]

The chronicles of our eldest continue, progress being made slowly.  22 yrs old, just graduated college, figuring out what to do.  Starts a half-time gig helping run the study of Texas German dialects this week, so that's a big step forward.  Talked about her other prospects and plans last night over dinner, just the two of us.

She has been recruited by Delta -- with her languages, they want her to be a flight attendant.  She'd surely work out of a hub (seems a 99% chance that means Atlanta).  But, the pay is shit, and they want a 4 year commitment.  And she'd be bouncing all over, rarely resting her head in the same place on consecutive nights.  She confessed "dad, I'm tired.  I've loved living all over, and having adventures, but I wouldn't mind a couple of years where I just stay put somewhere."  Thought that was some interesting self-awareness.  She's still going to talk to the Delta gal, to see if there are other positions she might be suited for that don't require a 4 yr commitment.  So, she's getting some traction on the full-time job search.  And she's getting her head around the idea that settling somewhere and working would actually be good for her.

So, small steps forward.  Still not easy.

And she's still under our roof -- good for her financially, not so good for our empty nest vision.  But, forward and onward.

[Anastasis 23469]

49 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

other positions she might be suited for that don't require a 4 yr commitment. 

How do they enforce a 4 yr commitment? 

[Brisketexan 105095]

1 hour ago, Anastasis said:

How do they enforce a 4 yr commitment? 

I had the same query.  I imagine it's along the lines of "we'll be a shitty reference for you if you quit early."  In the end, doesn't matter because she's a hard "NO" on it.

1 hour ago, BeardIP said:

I've never heard of anything but utter horror stories about being a flight attendant. The stories and tell-alls are online to read for yourself. Sounds like a miserable way to work, at extremely low pay for a college graduate with ambitions and aspirations in her major.

In fact, most people that do the flight attendant jobs are the ones who will sacrifice decent pay and lifestyle because they have wanderlust and want to travel and see the world under the guise that the job will let them do that, when in fact it's rarely the case and they've been sold a dream that isn't reality.

Definitely this.  And she gets that (it's not like you have to dig deep to get the accurate scoop on the gig).  It's not the right path for her.

[Anastasis 23469]

2 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

I had the same query.  I imagine it's along the lines of "we'll be a shitty reference for you if you quit early."  In the end, doesn't matter because she's a hard "NO" on it.

 

I thought that maybe there was some sign-on bonus that they would claw back or something. A 4 year commitment "or we are going to say bad things about you" is a really shitty move in the current employment environment. 

[Modessit 5599]

I have a cousin that retired after 25 years of being a flight attendant for United and then Fronteir. Her daughter - of the LFL fame that I posted a pic of - recently graduated from FA school with Fronteir.

The daughter always seemed kind of aimless in her work philosophy and basically went where blondes with looks and a push-up bra but not much else could get paid without doing OnlyFans or escorting (that I know of, anyway). And she had a kid and I thought husband so not sure how the FA gig is going to fit into her lifestyle.

Another female friend worked for United until retirement without doing the FA route (she's 4-10). Worked front ticket desk in the airport.

[Celery Man 20934]

FA is a shit job unless you are really into the lifestyle.

[Celery Man 20934]

10 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Finishing off her first week of day care today, and turned 2 months old yesterday.

I bet she can’t even name 5 of their songs.

There’s not nearly enough band merch for babies/little toddlers. Nevermind every single band from my era should understand that their fans have kids now, a band called “The Get Up Kids” should just make that fucking connection. I tried to keep one band shirt in the mix for Rory for a while but I fell off - need to get back into it. She does like The Clash and Talking Heads but I can’t say she ever really keyed in on Dinosaur Jr.

[Celery Man 20934]

Palette cleanser. We had a birthday party this morning and then hung around the backyard after the game. Third birthday party in 3 weeks, honestly I love this phase where all of a sudden she has a million little friends. We’ve got a good crew in the neighborhood, weather so great for making friends at the park.

 

[Celery Man 20934]

They made sure to tell me that she was very explicit re: her monster’s name wtf

[Jameslaw121 4448]

(Back story - I'm my 4 years girls T-Ball Coach)

The other night I was watching baseball when :

Wife "Come on Adrienne it's time for bed."

Daughter climbs up on my recliner and puts my arm around her "Ummm I have to watch baseball with Daddy."

Wife "No Adrienne its time for bed."

Me "Uhh no. We have to watch baseball."

She made it about 20 more minutes.

[BrazilHorn 6586]

So my 14 yo son is asking to start online sports betting. Apparently a bunch of kids at HCMS are doing it. It’s through “Underdog” sports. My answer has been no as he has serious impulse control issues and I don’t need his dumbass losing my house on some six team parley. 
 

any of you have kids doing this?