2020 Coaching Staff

[DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt 12301]

1 minute ago, Neonmoon said:

So when is Lashlee going to be announced? 

As soon as the AD and Pres hop on a plane with a check for $5MM guaranteed.

[dcar00 14181]

1 hour ago, Treefidy said:

You will get Ash and Lash and like it because coach fuckhole says so.  You're probably spot on about Ash though, sort of a Michael Knight, Rex, Sydney carton Mr. potato head kit.  

We will improve as our 2018 class matures another year before they bolt for the various exits, the question is how high will that cat bounce?  Will it be high enough that we have to endure another year before the inevitable?  

At this point my biggest concern is he stumblefucks his way into 9-3/10-2 in perpetuity, with our MNC hopes effectively vaporized by the 2nd week, every fucking season.  

we can only hope he gets back to Jim Harbaugh levels.  we are Michigan.  the guy is never going to have 0 or 1 loss seasons unless JQJ is vince young reincarnate.

[Michael Knight 12977]

What if ash has been hired as co-DC while the other DC has not yet been revealed 

[closetojumping 62630]

7 minutes ago, Neonmoon said:

So when is Lashlee going to be announced? 

I hope you guys are doomsday preppers like myself because if Lashlee is named the OC, we can safely deduce that ThermanNuclear War has been declared upon the program and it is high time to sprint down to the bunkers. 

[Here’s the deal 114]

Actually, FCB just reported that Ash is “expected “ to be the DC.  He heard it from two sources who also said it might not be announced until after signing day.  Isn’t this where we were last week and the week before?  

This could be a classic case of Chip Brown wanting to be first and not right.

[Goodman 3273]

Just now, Michael Knight said:

What if ash has been hired as co-DC while the other DC has not yet been revealed 

[Funk Doctor Spock 12190]

I'm starting to think the college game was made for Herm Edwards. He continues to upgrade, and his recruiting is slowly doing the same. I'm rooting for him. 

[Funk Doctor Spock 12190]

54 minutes ago, CastHorn said:

Ash will probably coach DBs.

Please let this be so. 

[Junior Miller 1502]

Things always go great when you hire your buddies. 

If Herman is so hell-bent on bringing the Ohio State 2014 band back together he should step down to OC and let Urban Meyer coach the fucking team. 

[Hiphopopotamos 20869]

3 minutes ago, Here’s the deal said:

Actually, FCB just reported that Ash is “expected “ to be the DC.  He heard it from two sources who also said it might not be announced until after signing day.  Isn’t this where we were last week and the week before?  

This could be a classic case of Chip Brown wanting to be first and not right.

It’s being reported by IT, Anwar, and FootballScoop. I think we’re beyond just FCB. 

 

Though as we saw at UNLV this could all go south quickly.  

[DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt 12301]

6 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

I hope you guys are doomsday preppers like myself because if Lashlee is named the OC, we can safely deduce that ThermanNuclear War has been declared upon the program and it is high time to sprint down to the bunkers. 

You had suggested we take comfort in knowing a plan was being put in place (I refused, obviously). That said, assuming it’s Ash and Lashlee, can we assume the plan completely fail apart on Herman?

Edited December 15, 2019 by DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt
Words

[Hank_Hill 18804]

I mean Ash was clearly his plan all along, so probably not.

[Funk Doctor Spock 12190]

How well does Ash recruit?

[SydneyCarton 48081]

1 minute ago, DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt said:

You had suggested we take solace in knowing a plan was being put in place (I refused, obviously). That said, assuming it’s Ash and Lashlee, can we assume the plan completely fail apart on Herman?

I don’t know, but I’d assume Herman just shined on CDC that he had a process and CDC bought it. “Listen, Chris, this is who I spoke with, no one was interested. Have you seen Ash’s national championship ring yet? Have you seen mine?”

[Deej 76761]

I'd feel better if we hired Ashy Larry.

[DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt 12301]

1 minute ago, Hank_Hill said:

I mean Ash was clearly his plan all along, so probably not.

I got the impression CTJ was actually bullish on something at some point. Maybe he’d just gotten laid for the first time in years, but he seemed to step away from the ledge. I can only assume he didn’t hear the plan was Ash.

[LTtxfan 49181]

3 minutes ago, Michael Knight said:

What if ash has been hired as co-DC while the other DC has not yet been revealed 

Any interest from Surly for this guy as Co-DC?

 

[Longhornlove 4814]

There are worse choices than Ash, he actually has a good resume.

[BurntOrange&White 39931]

How much are we paying this fucking idiot?

[Hank_Hill 18804]

1 minute ago, Longhornlove said:

There are worse choices than Ash, he actually has a good resume.

But Herman likes him so we have to hate him.

[Dewey 3286]

Times have changed, usually suck off a coach before he's proved himself. I take it as a good sign

[Longhornlove 4814]

1 minute ago, Hank_Hill said:

But Herman likes him so we have to hate him.

It seems that way. It seems everyone on here hates Herman so much that anyone he chooses they will hat as well. I have to admit, I wasn't on here this season much but I recall Herman getting frequent handies in here last year this time of year.

 

[DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt 12301]

Just now, Hank_Hill said:

But Herman likes him so we have to hate him.

The likelihood that Herman would be able to pull off this magic trick was very, very small. Ash probably isn’t the answer, oh well.

I’m ok with whatever goes down...everyone has another year to swallow their morale compass prior to Urban coming onboard and winning multiple national championship before retiring due to health issues (while neck deep in a scandal).

[Nicole44 22059]

3 minutes ago, Hank_Hill said:

But Herman likes him so we have to hate him.

This. Fuck Herman with a sand paper spatula. Honestly. So glad we can continue to finance Herman’s butt buddies. So glad we hired this POS. 

[Junior Miller 1502]

14 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

I hope you guys are doomsday preppers like myself because if Lashlee is named the OC, we can safely deduce that ThermanNuclear War has been declared upon the program and it is high time to sprint down to the bunkers. 

I prefer Hermonuclear War. 

[saul silver 25]

Without doing any research on Ash, and only reading this thread's reaction, I am going to assume Ash is the coaching equivalent to Mike Stoops. 

[Junior Miller 1502]

Just now, Nicole44 said:

This. Fuck Herman with a sand paper spatula. Honestly. So glad we can continue to finance Herman’s butt buddies. So glad we hired this POS. 

Wait, so you mean doing an exhaustive coaching search that includes in-depth interviewing to uncover a hidden gem like,  oh let's say... Matt Ruhle, would have been the proper thing to do? So hiring a football coach without a real athletic director in place and using the criteria "Does he have ties to Mack Brown?" and "Has the casual Texas fan heard of him?" was the wrong thing to do? 

[ruitxn 296]

16 minutes ago, Spider2YBanana said:

How well does Ash recruit?

The real question is how well does he recruit in Texas?  Another coach with no real Texas ties.  

Edited December 15, 2019 by ruitxn

[Thetexashammer 1062]

1 hour ago, trythisathome said:

I'm sure the nation's top assistants were champing at the bit to go coach at Rutgers 

You know why they called it Rutgers? Because they were too embarassed to call it the University of New Jersey.

[Funk Doctor Spock 12190]

5 minutes ago, ruitxn said:

The real question is how well does he recruit in Texas?  Another coach with no real Texas ties.  

Nationwide is fine with me, too. If he's an elite recruiter, going outside of Texas is fine with me. 

[Shaddie 1651]

3 minutes ago, ruitxn said:

The real question is how well does he recruit in a Texas?  Another coach with no real Texas ties.  

I haven’t replied to anything on this thread cause of all the pussy lip wringing going on but I don’t understand this one. 
 

“If” the guy is a semi plus recruiter, then that logo on the shirt gets you in the front door. 

[CoachTex 2624]

Im okay with Ash if it is a 4 down with true edge from d-line. You can only play qtrs if you have some stud olbs. They have to not only take away hook curl but also float to the flat and be involved in edge run as the alley runner.  Probably more of a 4-2-5. Now the OC is probably won't be announced until after NS1.

[BurntOrange&White 39931]

I haven’t replied to anything on this thread cause of all the pussy lip wringing going on but I don’t understand this one. 
 
“If” the guy is a semi plus recruiter, then that logo on the shirt gets you in the front door. 

The logo on the shirt has had 4 losses every year for nearly 10 years. What recruits want is to win.

[closetojumping 62630]

16 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt said:

You had suggested we take comfort in knowing a plan was being put in place (I refused, obviously). That said, assuming it’s Ash and Lashlee, can we assume the plan completely fail apart on Herman?

Multiple people offline, some totally unconnected to the program but familiar with the coaching community, were adamant that a “process” was being run. It looks like that “process” was calling agents and a couple of pseudo-mentors and asking for opinions. I think, from just looking at the objective facts we can all see, that they’ve worked to sign Harrell and still might do it. I am hanging my personal hope on that. Ash will be an improvement over Orlando, but so would any of us. That guy went Kurtz Up The River this year. Harrell looks like an actual rising star. I could get optimistic about it all and it wouldn’t be the craziest recovery for a HC. Problem is, Ash is a terrible sign that Fuckface has learned nothing and another proof point that he is probably a legitimate narcissist. 

13 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt said:

I got the impression CTJ was actually bullish on something at some point. Maybe he’d just gotten laid for the first time in years, but he seemed to step away from the ledge. I can only assume he didn’t hear the plan was Ash.

I reference my bullishness above and still could be in the end. Also, I’m pretty much too far over the edge right now and it has nothing to do with Texas sports but they aren’t helping. I’ll tell you who also isn’t helping - fucking SydneyCarton and his merry band of wet fart partners at his office. 

7 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt said:

The likelihood that Herman would be able to pull off this magic trick was very, very small. Ash probably isn’t the answer, oh well.

I’m ok with whatever goes down...everyone has another year to swallow their morale compass prior to Urban coming onboard and winning multiple national championship before retiring due to health issues (while neck deep in a scandal).

I can’t remember if I posted this or not, but the guy they had lined up is currently gainfully employed in CFB and wasn’t Meyer. Apparently, we’re too uppity to hire him, even now. So good luck hoping for him to be the guy next year. If they go back and grab the other dude, don’t go expecting to see MNCs being within a country mile of that guy’s resume. Woot!

[HenryJames 66045]

2 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

Ash will be an improvement over Orlando, but so would any of us.

@SydneyCarton wouldn’t be.

[Harvdog 2288]

I watched his defense at OSU and they were a solidly coached unit.  By that, I mean they could tackle and cover.  It’s sad that at this level that kids forget the fundamentals. We were being eliminated by recruits because of the 3 man front.  This should get us back in the door and get some solid DL committed to play in Austin. A good pass rush. Ames the backside ,look improved.  He’s a definite improvement over TO.  I don’t take stock in what happened at Rutgers.  He’s a solid DC and I expect that unit to be much improved.  Now we get a decent OC and WR coach and we can all start bitching about next year.  

[BurntOrange&White 39931]

So what you’re saying is we’re going to fuck up the next head coaching hire as well?

[closetojumping 62630]

Just now, HenryJames said:

@SydneyCarton wouldn’t be.

He alleges some mad Madden skills, but I suspect you’re probably correct. There’s a shot that they’re the same person. I saw the guy twice this week and in both instances, I was half-waiting for him to pull his mask off to reveal that he was Todd Orlando. It would have made a lot of personal sense. 

[Nicole44 22059]

1 minute ago, Bevo VIII said:

So what you’re saying is we’re going to fuck up the next head coaching hire as well?

Why not? This “We’re Texas” might as well be replaced by “We sincerely don’t want to win.” We don’t want to be a dynasty. We have enough dumbfuck fans that are ok with telling themselves we run a clean program, academics, Austin blah blah blah. I honestly hope all of these types fuck off into oblivion. I want to win. Win conference championships and if there is anyone on this board that does not...please sell your goddamn tickets and find another school to support. And go fuck yourselves. 

[Coelenterate Fuccboi 13091]

3 minutes ago, Harvdog said:

I watched his defense at OSU and they were a solidly coached unit.  By that, I mean they could tackle and cover.  It’s sad that at this level that kids forget the fundamentals. We were being eliminated by recruits because of the 3 man front.  This should get us back in the door and get some solid DL committed to play in Austin. A good pass rush. Ames the backside ,look improved.  He’s a definite improvement over TO.  I don’t take stock in what happened at Rutgers.  He’s a solid DC and I expect that unit to be much improved.  Now we get a decent OC and WR coach and we can all start bitching about next year.  

I told you young people that crack is some baaad shit.

[Hank Scorpio 17729]

Thank God we locked him down before OSU scooped him up. I heard that he was ready to sign at OSU so Herman had to move quick to lock him down. Big get for Texas. 

(Disclaimer: I am Chris Ash's agent) 

[Goodman 3273]

8 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

Multiple people offline, some totally unconnected to the program but familiar with the coaching community, were adamant that a “process” was being run. It looks like that “process” was calling agents and a couple of pseudo-mentors and asking for opinions. I think, from just looking at the objective facts we can all see, that they’ve worked to sign Harrell and still might do it. I am hanging my personal hope on that. Ash will be an improvement over Orlando, but so would any of us. That guy went Kurtz Up The River this year. Harrell looks like an actual rising star. I could get optimistic about it all and it wouldn’t be the craziest recovery for a HC. Problem is, Ash is a terrible sign that Fuckface has learned nothing and another proof point that he is probably a legitimate narcissist. 

I reference my bullishness above and still could be in the end. Also, I’m pretty much too far over the edge right now and it has nothing to do with Texas sports but they aren’t helping. I’ll tell you who also isn’t helping - fucking SydneyCarton and his merry band of wet fart partners at his office. 

I can’t remember if I posted this or not, but the guy they had lined up is currently gainfully employed in CFB and wasn’t Meyer. Apparently, we’re too uppity to hire him, even now. So good luck hoping for him to be the guy next year. If they go back and grab the other dude, don’t go expecting to see MNCs being within a country mile of that guy’s resume. Woot!

Sounds like Herman's DC search went similar to our AD search which brought fuckface Patterson here because of his "interview". 

Re: this blue collar coach. No need to say more.

[Goodman 3273]

Just now, Hank Scorpio said:

Thank God we locked him down before OSU scooped him up. I heard that he was ready to sign at OSU so Herman had to move quick to lock him down. Big get for Texas. 

(Disclaimer: I am Chris Ash's agent) 

[Richter 2259]

7 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

He alleges some mad Madden skills, but I suspect you’re probably correct. There’s a shot that they’re the same person. I saw the guy twice this week and in both instances, I was half-waiting for him to pull his mask off to reveal that he was Todd Orlando. It would have made a lot of personal sense. 

You being Greg Davis and SydneyCarton being Todd Orlando explains a lot, actually.

[A’Dam Psycho 1470]

I’ll give it a chance but this feels like a straight up comfort hire again to me. I really hope I’m wrong

[Sock Drawer 214]

3 hours ago, jinx said:

Insert joke about South Austin’s mom in this slot.  

Insert South Austin's mom's slot in this joke. 

[texifornia 56930]

2 hours ago, CastHorn said:

I was watching the heisman ceremony last night & Coach O mentioned the 3 & 17 play as the defining moment of LSU’s season. It really pissed me off. The talent on our roster was enough to win big this year. We shouldn’t have lost that game to LSU. We definitely shouldn’t have lost to Oklahoma. This season was just a big fucking tornado of poor coaching, injuries caused by poor coaching, locker room drama, etc. Herman just stood by and let that shit play out, no adjustments. I’m flabbergasted. I’m stunned. Motherfucker, we’re in the Alamo bowl about to play fucking Utah. Ima cry

*quietly* the Alamo's a decent bowl these days and Utah's really fucking good, if anything that part is a completely unearned opportunity to do something cool

[Rhinotx 499]

1 hour ago, Joker said:

People know Herman is a dead man walking. The only reason Graham Harrell is considering it is because he’s in the same situation at USC. At least he would be back home in Texas at UT for a year or 2. 

User name checks out

[gmr548 16576]

22 minutes ago, Harvdog said:

We were being eliminated by recruits because of the 3 man front.

Recruits eliminated Texas because Texas isn't good at football.

[Funk Doctor Spock 12190]

We gon fuck around and win the Alamo bowl