Tom Herman Is Pressing His Buttcheeks Against Your Mirror & Forcing You To Stare At It

[El Diablo 4232]

1 hour ago, Augustus said:

I should amend that above post to include (in his last 8 games against Top Ten teams)

I just saw that stat posted by sportswriter on Twitter, haven't verified it.

Likewise my comment on his mirror ownership was purely speculation. I should probably Tweet it and make it true.

[USNALonghorn 5229]

1 hour ago, HtownHorn said:

#8 Miami W 33-17

@#7 Auburn W 22-21

#2 Georgia W 36-16

#1 Alabama L 0-29

#7 UCF W 40-32

@#9 Texas W 45-38

#7 Florida W 42-28

#9 Auburn W 23-20

Lol at Texas as a top 10 win. 

[Fondren & Main 6918]

You know Tom thinks he’s so fucking smart, but if he doesn’t sort it out we can replace him with the belt less sodium bloated wonder from Fort Worth.  Hell, we’ve already got his AD.  Probably can steal the rest of their corches too.  Drinking solves a lot of problems.  Makes me feel fuckin’ smart too.  Didn’t even have to take a test!

[Loco 3754]

Great, now he fogged the mirror!

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

The Zen schtick didn't age well

[XYZ 2154]

6 hours ago, Fondren & Main said:

You know Tom thinks he’s so fucking smart, but if he doesn’t sort it out we can replace him with the belt less sodium bloated wonder from Fort Worth.

I thought Fatterson had no interest in leaving TCU.

[zork 629]

On 10/25/2019 at 5:10 PM, RollLeft said:

or

[Bigbend1812 13093]

None of those are Tom Herman.   I approve.

[MrPhlegm 3413]

I thought Fatterson had no interest in leaving TCU.

CDC would have to get a Pancho's to open back up in Austin.

 

RAISE THE FLAG!

 

[Wishbone 4958]

8 minutes ago, zork said:

<Jim> “Rack him!”<Rome>

[NeverMarryAStripper 22353]

#8 Miami W 33-17
@#7 Auburn W 22-21
#2 Georgia W 36-16
#1 Alabama L 0-29
#7 UCF W 40-32
@#9 Texas W 45-38
#7 Florida W 42-28
#9 Auburn W 23-20

Counting his win against Texas as a victory against a top ten team is pretty bogus.

[bschoolprof 6353]

Tom's still at it.  The Ash hiring process lets us know what he thinks of himself, his job, and the fanbase.  

[nunna yo bizness 1690]

2 hours ago, bschoolprof said:

Tom's still at it.  The Ash hiring process lets us know what he thinks of himself, his job, and the fanbase.  

Looks like he's now pressing his buttcheeks to the mirror window to show us his Ash.

[MrPhlegm 3413]

booooooo

[Jkwellborn 7094]

Fucker had planned on firing Orlando and hiring ash when he came to visit midseason.

[El Squared 1857]

5 hours ago, bschoolprof said:

Tom's still at it.  The Ash hiring process lets us know what he thinks of himself, his job, and the fanbase.  

Middle fingers in the air...

[Tex Long 4714]

12 hours ago, Jkwellborn said:

Fucker had planned on firing Orlando and hiring ash when he came to visit midseason.

Tend to agree. 

Not sure why all the mystery and pretense - izzat MensaTom pretending to mensate, or is it CDC trying to look like he's actually leading the blind?

[General Specific 3508]

Tom's still at it.  The Ash hiring process lets us know what he thinks of himself, his job, and the fanbase.  

Because if one is going to press their butt cheeks against the mirror, might as well leave a big Herseys kiss also! Like a boss.

[utee94 16093]

On 12/15/2019 at 8:57 PM, El Squared said:

Middle fingers in the air...

[utee94 16093]

3 minutes ago, General Specific said:

Because if one is going to press their butt cheeks against the mirror, might as well leave a big Herseys kiss also! Like a boss.

But if it's a mirror, wouldn't you be the only one to see it, and so you're basically just doing it to yourself?

I'm still confused by this whole buttcheeks to the mirror thing.

[DanTheHorn 5093]

I loved my Cowboys like I love my Longhorns until Jerry hired Switzer.  Then Jerry went on to say "How you like those 3 Superbowl's" when folks bitched about Dallas sucking for years. Sometime next year Herman may say "How you like that Sugar Bowl." That will be the straw that breaks the camels back. It has not broken yet but it is hard to take what he is doing right now. Content not for work.

Spoiler

 

Edited December 17, 2019 by DanTheHorn

[DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt 12301]

On 12/15/2019 at 2:24 PM, bschoolprof said:

Tom's still at it.  The Ash hiring process lets us know what he thinks of himself, his job, and the fanbase.  

The Harrell fumble tells us even more. Fire this fucking clown.

[Loco 3754]

 

[Bozo_Casanova 27005]

Could be worse. Could be buttcheeks held against your mirror.

[closetojumping 65647]

On 10/23/2019 at 11:35 AM, closetojumping said:

It's been a grim few weeks. It's hard to know where to even start regarding the Hermantics we're witnessing within the program and on the field right now. Still, there are few things that have struck me as more infuriating or absurd than the rest, and it's kind brimming to the top in my head, so you fellow shitheads will get the brunt of my mental Longhorn vomit.

1. Personnel Selection on offense, 2017-Present: From Herman’s first game against Maryland to now, we continue to witness absolutely baffling personnel choices on offense that are completely fucking indefensible.
   • The empty set with a mediocre-to-shitty TE and any ol’TB lined up wide makes no sense. Every defense we play knows that that look is going to be flashed. Only someone as weak as KU could allow for even a smidgeon of getting taken advantage of beyond a play or two by either position. It’s fucking absurd watching teams mostly ignore both players routinely and then bracketing one or more of the WRs.  Meanwhile, Washington and Jake Smith are on the sidelines, witnessing this, and wondering why the fuck they came here.
   • Picking apparent favorites at various spots and continuing to trot them out in order to watch them completely disappear and/or underperform. This season, Malcolm Epps and Cade Brewer both cover this issue. Brewer is a pure mediocrity at TE. It’s worth the program’s time to rotate in either another WR or get looks for other TEs. Fuck it, put two TBs out there at once (remember this fantasy of ours from the summer?). Epps is the smallest 6’6”+ guy I’ve ever seen on a football field. His ability to shrink to any occasion is trending towards phenomenal. There are other WRs worth the look on the roster, and yet he continues to show up and disappoint on multiple snaps. In the past, Kyle Porter, the Marble Falls buffoon at TE whose name I can’t recall and isn’t worth my time to look up, Lorenzo Joe, and sundry other WRs who brought nothing to the table over clearly better alternatives behind them. Naashon Hughes. Goldilocks legacy dildo from Westlake. Right.

2. Attempting to use, or claiming to use, complex analytics for decision-making on certain down and distance throughout the games:

   • Football is not baseball. Football has a sample-size issue that baseball does not. Applying algorithmic logic for decision-making in certain situations and “letting the math do the thinking” sounds great, but the same players against the same types of opponents only get so many reps on 4^th and whatever, or goal-line and whatever. Interpreting results of 1000s of other “similar” situations historically and therefore having the dominating results from those situations be the executed solution doesn’t make any sense when your team, with its 11 variables per snap, haven’t faced the opponents’ 11 variables hardly ever.

   • Tom Herman's teams are 40% on 4th down this year, whereas they were at 80% success on 4th last year? You don't say. Maybe our opponents fucking adjusted to the fact that we're going for it on 4th and short on our side of the 50 pretty much always unless a kick to win or tie the game is pertinent. Maybe they also figured out that when we do it, we tend to run for it, and quite often in a delayed push with Sam Ehlinger from the shotgun. Did I need a fucking data scientist to show me that insight? No. It's not 1000 points of data that informs me or DCs for shit on this. It's Tom Herman's fucking tendencies established over his 5 years as a HC that show me this. A sample size of less than 100 instances. Also, kick a field goal early and take the points, asshole.

   • Part of Moneyball theory is arbitraging the fucking trends and tendencies within the industry, even as those things shift. It's not about gathering an insight once and determining all of your future outcomes around that one premise. This is what happens when moderately intelligent dickfaces coaching a children's game decide to masquerade as highly intelligent smartest guys in the room. 

3. If you feel good about guys like David Beaty and Chris Ash skulking around the program and providing advice to Herman, you might want to consider some uncomfortable commonalities.

   • It can be argued that the 3 worst staffs assembled for P5 programs in the past 5 years are:

     • Chris Ash's Rutgers' staff is probably one of the worst P5 staffs ever established. Here's a write-up at the time: https://www.nj.com/rutgersfootball/2016/01/meet_the_new_rutgers_coaching_staff.html . He basically hired his buddies and cronies and a couple of avuncular influences from his playing days. He cried at his opening press conference, also. This is the fucking guy Herman is whispering about as a replacement for Todd Orlandno? Fuck you, motherfucker. Also: Drew Mehringer as OC is one of the funniest piece of shit moves I can recall. What a fucking disaster.

     • David Beaty's staff at KU when he arrived in 2015 is arguably better than either Herman's Texas staff, and is certainly better than Ash's at Rutgers. However, it still sucks fucking elephant balls. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2015_Kansas_Jayhawks_football_team A few of these guys have gone on to at least get decent work elsewhere. Kubiak continues to leverage his father's name as a coach with the Vikings. Thibodeaux is a decent recruiter at OU. Kane is the DC for a middling defense at SMU. Generally speaking though, this staff is a bunch nobodies that did nothing and will mostly continue to do nothing. 

     • Tom Herman's staff upon arrival at Texas in 2017, mostly still intact, is the frothing toilet water being served up to the fanbase for sustenance by the head football genius in charge. Stan Drayton is the only guy on the staff that had any legitimate and untarnished bonafides before joining the staff. Beck had coached in major P5 programs as an OC, and he'd been fired unceremoniously at every stop. Todd Orlandno was the DC equivalent of a butt plug, mostly showing up to haphazardly stop shit at a number of non-P5 backwaters. Oscar Giles was at Texas as an underperforming alum on Mack Brown's staff and otherwise meh. LOL Drew Mehringer. Most of the staff is so inconsequential to the fooball landscape that they don't even have a fucking wikipedia page. Herman could have gone out and hired anyone. He hired a bunch of fucking bros and Not Ready For Prime Time mouthbreathers. Half the staff has been demoted since starting on the staff or at least actively shopped at coaching conferences. Bleh. There is no excuse for this kind of stupidfuckery at a blue blood, much less ours. 

   • It can also be argued that Ash's Rutgers program and Beaty's KU program were the worst performing P5 programs over the past 5 years. These are lead guys that are lately in Tom Herman's ear about game prep and program dynamics. Sweet.

4. Finally, Casey Horny being employed at Texas and shadow-coaching and leading the special teams agenda. This rape-enabling, victim-shaming cunt of a man is actively drawing a paycheck from Texas and in doing so, taking a giant hogger shit all over the game day performance of the program's special teams.

   • Why is this guy here and why is he getting to do this shit? Because he and Tom Herman were GAs together at Texas and Tom Herman knows better than you, motherfucker. Nevermind anything else, that's what this is about.

   • This piece of shit needs to have his office cleaned out and be handed a one-way bus ticket to Mt. Vernon, where he can help Art Briles fuck up another group of young females' lives and cheat to win games in 3A football.

Anywho. Thoughts? 

I forgot about this thread. I requoted the original post because we're 5 pages in. The fucking Ash part, as well as the Casey Horny shit, I mean - fuck.