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Official 2019 bitch about family/holiday drama thread

Nice Guy Eddie

By Nice Guy Eddie
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ocugolf
ocugolf

My mother decided Thanksgiving was the perfect time to buy new doors. So, they took the old ones and put them in one of their rent houses. Problem is that they didn’t have time to get the new doors st

Larry T. Spider
Larry T. Spider

Today is a day that will live in infamy. 5 brave people stood up to a reign of terror than has lasted well over 30 years. The 3 children of MIL decided that no more shit will be taken and the the

NeverMarryAStripper
NeverMarryAStripper

I’m up at the ranch with my mom, siblings, and all of our extended families. It’s about 30 people in all, just like very year. This year mom finally decided she was too old to be in charge of the co

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DaysOff

DaysOff 7947

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When he wants to sass my SIL (his mom - she's full Japanese), he starts yelling at her in fake racist Japanese gibberish just going "ching chong ching chong" and shit like that.  Of course he isn't quite savvy enough to realize he's dunking on himself, which makes it even funnier.
Love this thread.


I laughed so hard at this I was choking somehow. Well done kid.

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Covri

Covri 6247

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18 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

 


I’ve thought the same. Then again, my brother was an asshole at the same age. Nature > nurture.

 

I mean no offense but the kid didn’t learn Ching Chan Chung at preschool, your former asshole brother probably says it behind her back and he picked up on it. Most likely nurture still. 

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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12457

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I mean no offense but the kid didn’t learn Ching Chan Chung at preschool, your former asshole brother probably says it behind her back and he picked up on it. Most likely nurture still. 


That would stun me. My brother is the more submissive partner in his relationship.

The other, higher likelihood is that my nephew was legitimately confused regarding language and realized he got a rise out of his mom with his unrecognizable attempts at Japanese.

My SIL frequently speaks to him in Japanese so he can learn that side of his heritage. My brother speaks to him in English as that will obviously be his main language. On top of that, he goes to Spanish-only daycare. So he’s 4 and getting regular exposure to 3 languages.

My brother’s asshole side is expressed via directly trying to annoy you to your face. He would incessantly ask my parents basic, obvious questions and attempt to blackmail me. Not secretly talk shit.

You could be right, but nothing I’ve ever witnessed would make me suspect that.
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markstanco

markstanco 12574

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Mentioned before in threads past and I will again: men's Thanksgiving get together.

A friends dad started this over 40 years ago and we continue the tradition. Martini Matinee starts at 10a and ends at 11a SHARP. There is vodka and gin. No beer, no wine, no anything else. Of course olives and onions, but basically it is gin/vodka over ice in a pewter cup. Coat and tie is mandatory. No women allowed, even if the hosting house is cooking dinner, she isnt allowed to come out.

That's how you East Texas, bitches.

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Onboard 2.0

Onboard 2.0 9083

Posted
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9 hours ago, markstanco said:

Mentioned before in threads past and I will again: men's Thanksgiving get together.

A friends dad started this over 40 years ago and we continue the tradition. Martini Matinee starts at 10a and ends at 11a SHARP. There is vodka and gin. No beer, no wine, no anything else. Of course olives and onions, but basically it is gin/vodka over ice in a pewter cup. Coat and tie is mandatory. No women allowed, even if the hosting house is cooking dinner, she isnt allowed to come out.

That's how you East Texas, bitches.

I'm in.....

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Bevo&Pevo

Bevo&Pevo 5131

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10 hours ago, markstanco said:

Mentioned before in threads past and I will again: men's Thanksgiving get together.

A friends dad started this over 40 years ago and we continue the tradition. Martini Matinee starts at 10a and ends at 11a SHARP. There is vodka and gin. No beer, no wine, no anything else. Of course olives and onions, but basically it is gin/vodka over ice in a pewter cup. Coat and tie is mandatory. No women allowed, even if the hosting house is cooking dinner, she isnt allowed to come out.

That's how you East Texas, bitches.

I'll take my martini "dirty".

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SimonBolivar

SimonBolivar 10958

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10 hours ago, HornPhD said:

We’re having an early Thanksgiving as my wife’s sister doesn’t have her kids for Thanksgiving this year, which works out well because her sister’s boyfriend is an ultra right wing QAnon conspiracy theorist.

Christmas will be interesting, however.

Politics is really what sets this thread apart from other threads. It isn't an official family gathering until some old due starts bringing up the Fox News talk points of the week or a college freshman announces that they no longer believe in personal possessions. 

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After irth

After irth 1243

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, markstanco said:

Mentioned before in threads past and I will again: men's Thanksgiving get together.

A friends dad started this over 40 years ago and we continue the tradition. Martini Matinee starts at 10a and ends at 11a SHARP. There is vodka and gin. No beer, no wine, no anything else. Of course olives and onions, but basically it is gin/vodka over ice in a pewter cup. Coat and tie is mandatory. No women allowed, even if the hosting house is cooking dinner, she isnt allowed to come out.

That's how you East Texas, bitches.

Vodka and Gin in pewter cups is “East Texas”?  What kinda Bizarro East Texas do you live in?

Around here, I assume it’s Fireball in Solo cups while warming yourself around the fire, where last night’s date is slowly turning ans becoming tonight’s dinner. Or so I’ve heard. 

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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12457

Posted
Posted (edited)
11 hours ago, markstanco said:

Mentioned before in threads past and I will again: men's Thanksgiving get together.

A friends dad started this over 40 years ago and we continue the tradition. Martini Matinee starts at 10a and ends at 11a SHARP. There is vodka and gin. No beer, no wine, no anything else. Of course olives and onions, but basically it is gin/vodka over ice in a pewter cup. Coat and tie is mandatory. No women allowed, even if the hosting house is cooking dinner, she isnt allowed to come out.

That's how you East Texas, bitches.

This sounds awesome (even though I don't care for martinis much), but - and I'll tread lightly here - coat and tie mandatory is not exactly what I think of when I think of East Texas.

Edited by Al_4_ISU
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G650

G650 14249

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12 hours ago, markstanco said:

A friends dad started this over 40 years ago and we continue the tradition. Martini Matinee starts at 10a and ends at 11a SHARP. There is vodka and gin. No beer, no wine, no anything else. Of course olives and onions, but basically it is gin/vodka over ice in a pewter cup. Coat and tie is mandatory. No women allowed, even if the hosting house is cooking dinner, she isnt allowed to come out.

This is literally my fantasy.

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Armybrat

Armybrat 40832

Posted
Posted (edited)
12 hours ago, markstanco said:

Mentioned before in threads past and I will again: men's Thanksgiving get together.

A friends dad started this over 40 years ago and we continue the tradition. Martini Matinee starts at 10a and ends at 11a SHARP. There is vodka and gin. No beer, no wine, no anything else. Of course olives and onions, but basically it is gin/vodka over ice in a pewter cup. Coat and tie is mandatory. No women allowed, even if the hosting house is cooking dinner, she isnt allowed to come out.

That's how you East Texas, bitches.

My English houseguest really enjoyed the Dripping Springs Gin I had on hand for her. She killed the whole bottle (in addition to two or three glasses of Chardonnay each evening) while staying with us for the week of the F1 US Grand Prix race.

she mixed it with Fever Tree Indian Tonic Water (50/50) with a thin slice of lime over rocks.

Edited by Armybrat
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GhostOfTomJoad

GhostOfTomJoad 9324

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Thanksgiving will include a getaway the weekend before so Mrs GOTJ and I can unwind & celebrate my bday a little early. Probably a Friendsgiving this year which would be perfect.

Xmas is still in the air. FIL is probably on his way out. My wife's handling it well (she's got more brains & guts than her siblings, including her lt col brother). The big challenge is to get the FILto adhere to the recently enacted "if you're drinking, the guns are locked" policy. Drunks with firearms = bad times, m'kay?

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After irth

After irth 1243

Posted
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5 hours ago, Armybrat said:

My English houseguest really enjoyed the Dripping Springs Gin I had on hand for her. She killed the whole bottle (in addition to two or three glasses of Chardonnay each evening) while staying with us for the week of the F1 US Grand Prix race.

she mixed it with Fever Tree Indian Tonic Water (50/50) with a thin slice of lime over rocks.

Now THAT is refined. Cheers!

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ChickenSandwich

ChickenSandwich 9832

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Visiting one of my Aunt/Uncles for TDay. The stage is set for an exorcism/intervention. 
 

My Uber religious Aunt will be attempting to cleanse her son who says he can talk to the dead. (He got his own tv show picked up). Family assumes he is full of shit but getting PAID, Aunt thinks he does talk to the dead, but not lost souls. She believes it’s actually the devil. 
 

the simpsons waiting GIF

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MissingInAction

MissingInAction 25036

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7 minutes ago, ChickenSandwich said:

Visiting one of my Aunt/Uncles for TDay. The stage is set for an exorcism/intervention. 
 

My Uber religious Aunt will be attempting to cleanse her son who says he can talk to the dead. (He got his own tv show picked up). Family assumes he is full of shit but getting PAID, Aunt thinks he does talk to the dead, but not lost souls. She believes it’s actually the devil. 
 

 

You WILL report every detail. With video if possible. 

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wd40

wd40 1976

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18 hours ago, markstanco said:

Mentioned before in threads past and I will again: men's Thanksgiving get together.

A friends dad started this over 40 years ago and we continue the tradition. Martini Matinee starts at 10a and ends at 11a SHARP. There is vodka and gin. No beer, no wine, no anything else. Of course olives and onions, but basically it is gin/vodka over ice in a pewter cup. Coat and tie is mandatory. No women allowed, even if the hosting house is cooking dinner, she isnt allowed to come out.

That's how you East Texas, bitches.

sounds like a bunch of Kansas City Faggotry

6 hours ago, G650 said:

This is literally my fantasy.

confirmed

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achooloco

achooloco 1067

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22 hours ago, ABSR said:

 And likely don't drink much...if at all.  

i feel for ya but gotta disagree with you on this part. Think thats more a depends on the person kind of thing. At least in my experience, plenty of members of the tribe got down with drinking. good luck either way. 

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Underdog

Underdog 28611

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55 minutes ago, ChickenSandwich said:

Visiting one of my Aunt/Uncles for TDay. The stage is set for an exorcism/intervention. 
 

My Uber religious Aunt will be attempting to cleanse her son who says he can talk to the dead. (He got his own tv show picked up). Family assumes he is full of shit but getting PAID, Aunt thinks he does talk to the dead, but not lost souls. She believes it’s actually the devil. 
 

the simpsons waiting GIF

I'll chip in for costs for you to record/broadcast/whateverthefuckittakes. 

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ztejas

ztejas 43418

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39 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

So true. But I've also been on the business side of a Glock in the cloven hoof hands of the FIL after he'd had downed 3 or 4 glasses of Highland Mist and La Croix. Not bueno.

I uh. I think we need a story here. 

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 8083

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I’m not sure what is more shocking; the fact that they made that announcement or the fact the Luby’s still exists. 
Dont hate on Lubys. I have lunch there every single friday with about 5-7 other men and have for 10 years. Not because the food is good, but it's the only place we can agree on. I'm the newcomer, it started about 25 years ago.
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GhostOfTomJoad

GhostOfTomJoad 9324

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I uh. I think we need a story here. 

Told it on the old site. About 4 years ago. We spent the weekend at in laws ranch west of Fredericksburg. As usual, I brought & grilled the steaks. Pleasant time until later in evening when I went to listen to old drunken FIL hold court and yell at the stars while my wife & her mom sipped wine in the house.

 

FIL kept downing his cheap scotch & bitching about the world. No CR, but he's been a no count leech most of his life. Lived off his dad's success and his wife's hard work despite being given every advantage.

 

At one point he decided to unholster his Glock, drawing it right across my path in the process of putting it on his work table . He's deaf & has arthritis so bad he can barely clutch his ever present smokes & booze. I dove hard to the side to get out of the way of his barrel.

 

When he saw me duck he said "what's your problem?" I yelled back "what the hell ever happened to the first rule of gun safety?"

 

He picked it back up, stared at it, said "it's safe" and pointed it dead at me before putting it back on his bench.

 

We left at dawn. I didn't tell my wife about it until a few months later. She didn't tell her mom until a year ago when they wondered why we'd been absent for so long. Turns out he's had other similar incidents. My MIL recorded him on her phone last spring drunkenly messing with his sidearm. Showed it to him the next day. He had no memory of it. Scared him straight, so much he didn't drink for 5 whole days.

 

Now he's back to his drinking and then some. MIL brushes it off with the rest of the family, but my wife is holding her ground. If he's drinking & his guns are available we're not going. A cocked up mess all around.

 

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ztejas

ztejas 43418

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3 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

Told it on the old site. About 4 years ago. We spent the weekend at in laws ranch west of Fredericksburg. As usual, I brought & grilled the steaks. Pleasant time until later in evening when I went to listen to old drunken FIL hold court and yell at the stars while my wife & her mom sipped wine in the house.

 

FIL kept downing his cheap scotch & bitching about the world. No CR, but he's been a no count leech most of his life. Lived off his dad's success and his wife's hard work despite being given every advantage.

 

At one point he decided to unholster his Glock, drawing it right across my path in the process of putting it on his work table . He's deaf & has arthritis so bad he can barely clutch his ever present smokes & booze. I dove hard to the side to get out of the way of his barrel.

 

When he saw me duck he said "what's your problem?" I yelled back "what the hell ever happened to the first rule of gun safety?"

 

He picked it back up, stared at it, said "it's safe" and pointed it dead at me before putting it back on his bench.

 

We left at dawn. I didn't tell my wife about it until a few months later. She didn't tell her mom until a year ago when they wondered why we'd been absent for so long. Turns out he's had other similar incidents. My MIL recorded him on her phone last spring drunkenly messing with his sidearm. Showed it to him the next day. He had no memory of it. Scared him straight, so much he didn't drink for 5 whole days.

 

Now he's back to his drinking and then some. MIL brushes it off with the rest of the family, but my wife is holding her ground. If he's drinking & his guns are available we're not going. A cocked up mess all around.

 

Good lord. I would blow up if anyone did that to me. Loaded or unloaded. 

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ABSR

ABSR 5309

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15 hours ago, achooloco said:

i feel for ya but gotta disagree with you on this part. Think thats more a depends on the person kind of thing. At least in my experience, plenty of members of the tribe got down with drinking. good luck either way. 

I am part of a Jewish family, and the family where we normally go with great booze and food is also Jewish.   I agree there are lot’s of great Jewish chefs or cooks, and many for whom booze is quality and flows freely.

When I say Kosher, I mean keeping Kosher.  Two sets of dishes.  Meat and milk separate.  No pork, no shellfish.   Manischewitz  wine or other Kosher wine.  And while I am sure they are nice people, they are also 75 year olds who likely don’t care for football.

It’s the right thing to do, but it turns a usually great holiday we all enjoy into a mediocre one at best....that I get to pay a lot of money to attend.

And of course bipolar MIL who is now moving into mid stage Alzheimer’s.  

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Iceman

Iceman 2699

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Son is getting married today. New inlaws are from Joysie.  All Italian, very, very close-knit family. Got to meet cousins and uncles last night at rehearsal, straight out of Goodfellas, “ Hi myname is Paulie...”. All of em.    I think ole Padre doing the ceremony has probably whacked some guys back in the day.

 Son hasn’t fucked up yet,so he’s golden.

I expect some entries on the thread in future years though. Wedding is over at 4, and wife already warned me not to be checking scores on my phone.  Lolz.  Good luck with that..

Edited by Iceman
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High Plains Drifter

High Plains Drifter 11035

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On 11/7/2019 at 9:55 PM, markstanco said:

Mentioned before in threads past and I will again: men's Thanksgiving get together.

A friends dad started this over 40 years ago and we continue the tradition. Martini Matinee starts at 10a and ends at 11a SHARP. There is vodka and gin. No beer, no wine, no anything else. Of course olives and onions, but basically it is gin/vodka over ice in a pewter cup. Coat and tie is mandatory. No women allowed, even if the hosting house is cooking dinner, she isnt allowed to come out.

That's how you East Texas, bitches.

 

you seem to missing the point of this thread.

 

 

22 hours ago, Zwylde said:

Just now in my twitter timeline and thought it was appropriate.  Not my family.

 

https://twitter.com/30SecFight/status/1192795485297422337?s=20 

 

Staged.

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markstanco

markstanco 12574

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10 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

you seem to missing the point of this thread.

Actually no, but I should have explained better. 

 

The entire deal started when my buddy's father, a lawyer, was at his office on the morning of thanksgiving.  His best friend too was a lawyer, and was at his office that morning.  One of them saw the others car, and called his office.  He said "I am down here working to get away from my mother in law".  The other agreed that he was at the office for the same reason.  One of them invited the other over to their office for a martini or two so when they got home to eat lunch they could deal with the inlaws. 

And that is how it began.

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