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Official 2019 bitch about family/holiday drama thread

Nice Guy Eddie

By Nice Guy Eddie
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Zharkov

Zharkov 288

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On 11/13/2019 at 3:15 PM, babysdaddy said:

My sis, lives in NYC and is a crazy psycho liberal, practices seagull management during the holidays.  Flies in, shits all over everything, then bails leaving us to deal with the mess.  She hates my stepmother with every ounce of her soul and stepmom's unwavering support of Trump has only exacerbated the feelings.

 

Last year, she brought her dog that shits and pisses on everything to my Dad and stepmom’s house.  Stepmom had just spent a considerable sum of money redoing large portions of the house.  At some point, my sister is out shopping or something and my stepmom locked the dog in a room to avoid having the dog shit and piss all over her house (sidenote, Stepmom has a yip dog that shits and pisses all over their house).  Sister’s dog goes apeshit being locked up and claws/scratches/bites up 2 brand new doors, completely ruining them.  Meltdown ensues by both parties where various insults are thrown and ends with my mother in law forcing my dad to give my sister a bill for about $7k to fix the doors and my sister telling my dad his wife is a cunt and he should divorce her even though they’ve been married for 30 years.  Nobody has spoken in a year but sis is coming back this year with the dog.  Can’t wait.  Thanksgiving!

You're going to live-post this here this year, right?

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Knoxtnhorn

Knoxtnhorn 5974

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2 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

WTF???

How old is this woman?  Is there no age limit at which point they won't let you into one of those things?

That's the thing.  When I met my wife, her mom was in the process of leaving her dad for an Elvis impersonator in Nashville.  That didn't work out, so she went for the 65 year-old Comicon dude.  And, just so you know, there are absolutely no standards to attend one of these things. 

One of the funnier things that happened a few years ago, he joined us for breakfast.  After hearing all these bullshit stories about how great he is... he started in about how he led a revolt at Comicon one year because Billy Dee Williams was charging for autographs.  I got up in mid-sentence and walked out.  My daughter was all, "LOL, I've never seen you do anything like that before". 

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Sbbruin

Sbbruin 21841

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Damn, how have I missed this thread until just now?  I love this one so much.  Just read it from the beginning.  Updates o'plenty, please.

Different type of Thanksgiving for us this year.  3 out of 4 of our parents have passed, and my MIL is bedridden in a board-and-care memory facility, so she's out.  Last year my wife bro got married 6 months earlier than planned as his soon-to-be MIL was weeks from passing from cancer.  We all rallied and flew to Lafayette, they got married, and sure enough her mom passed a couple of weeks later- but got to see her daughter walk down the aisle.  

So this year we are getting together with the same BIL and his new wife, and her younger brother and his super-smoking hot wife and their two young kids who are flying out from Leesiana.  And we are all headed to Catalina for T-Day.  I'm going to sail out Wednesday, my fam is ferrying over that afternoon as is the whole other clan.  I suggested to my wife it might be chilly staying on the boat as I can't run the heater all night while on the mooring, and if she wanted to get a hotel room for her and the kids I would understand- which she took me up on.  So I get Tuesday night solo on the boat before leaving early Wednesday, and then I have the sanctuary of the boat to retreat to each of the following 2-3 nights.  Our return is going to be predicated on what time the UCLA-Cal game is on Saturday.  If it is anytime before 6p, I'll come back on Friday.  If it is 6-8p kick, then I'll come back Saturday morning.  Either way the fam will come back Friday afternoon.  So I've built in numerous nights alone while still doing lots of family stuff, all under the guise of my personal sacrifice.  Only reason I'm going out there on the boat (other than because I really want to) is to take the cajun folks out sailing.  Because I'm such a good guy.  

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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I've noticed there's no Elvis Presley impersonators on Cloud City.  Coincidence?  I think not.  Although you could count Lobot, with his music headphones, crisp finger-snaps, loose-fitting pants for mad moves, and then his sick pivot moves on that slick stage.  Actually, he was probably a distant relative of Elvis.  Rock n' Roll, you beautiful bastards.  

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MissingInAction

MissingInAction 25036

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On 11/15/2019 at 7:22 PM, Lobo said:

I've noticed there's no Elvis Presley impersonators on Cloud City.  Coincidence?  I think not.  Although you could count Lobot, with his music headphones, crisp finger-snaps, loose-fitting pants for mad moves, and then his sick pivot moves on that slick stage.  Actually, he was probably a distant relative of Elvis.  Rock n' Roll, you beautiful bastards.  

Image result for lobot star wars dancing gif

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burns_312

burns_312 353

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No need to brag about the big city, Marine.  All my in-laws hail from a variety of towns just east/southeast of there--Grainfield, Hoxie, Grinnell, Park, Gove City, and Quinter.  We've probably passed each other on those county dirt roads, lifting a finger off the steering wheel, as if to say..."where's the liquor store?"   It ain't the end of the World out there...but you can see it from there.  

 

Small world, I live in Hays but my family hails from Hoxie.

 

And to half keep the thread on track, I get along great with my in-laws.

 

 

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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My wife has an uncle in Hoxie.  He has 6 kids I think, 4 of whom still live in Hoxie (which I think includes nearly a dozen grandkids).  Half my wife's extended family has lived in Hays at one time or another.  Good town.  I'm so glad they brought back that United flight, makes getting there from Austin so much easier.  
Very small world, indeed.  

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usmc0331horn

usmc0331horn 953

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54 minutes ago, burns_312 said:

 

Small world, I live in Hays but my family hails from Hoxie.

 

And to half keep the thread on track, I get along great with my in-laws.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

My mom’s side are all Volga Germans who settled in Hays. Spent a lot of time there growing up.

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Westtexashorn

Westtexashorn 6

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My sis, lives in NYC and is a crazy psycho liberal, practices seagull management during the holidays.  Flies in, shits all over everything, then bails leaving us to deal with the mess.  She hates my stepmother with every ounce of her soul and stepmom's unwavering support of Trump has only exacerbated the feelings.
 
Last year, she brought her dog that shits and pisses on everything to my Dad and stepmom’s house.  Stepmom had just spent a considerable sum of money redoing large portions of the house.  At some point, my sister is out shopping or something and my stepmom locked the dog in a room to avoid having the dog shit and piss all over her house (sidenote, Stepmom has a yip dog that shits and pisses all over their house).  Sister’s dog goes apeshit being locked up and claws/scratches/bites up 2 brand new doors, completely ruining them.  Meltdown ensues by both parties where various insults are thrown and ends with my mother in law forcing my dad to give my sister a bill for about $7k to fix the doors and my sister telling my dad his wife is a cunt and he should divorce her even though they’ve been married for 30 years.  Nobody has spoken in a year but sis is coming back this year with the dog.  Can’t wait.  Thanksgiving!

What kind of dog does she have?


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Jhawk

Jhawk 1075

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Here we gooooo....

I have been traveling for work for the last 3 weeks straight.  Will be traveling for 8 of the next 9 weeks as well (including family holidays).  I alerted the family that I will not be in KC for Thanksgiving as I am in KC all this week and will be in KC the entirety of the week after T-giving.  On top of that, I will be in KC for 10 days over xmas.  Thinking of my mom, I arrange for a family dinner when I am in KC the week after thanksgiving.

Today I get a call from my sister asking me to cancel that and to come to thanksgiving instead to "help her relationship with her husband."  He apparently is sick of going to 5 holiday dinners for every holiday (as is everyone except the two women, my mom and sister).  Fuck that shit.  By the end of december I will have been in KC for 6 of the previous 10 weeks and you can't arrange to get around to a family dinner unless it is on thanksgiving?  Fuck you, I'm the one putting strain on your relationship because I don't show up to a holiday?  Oh yeah.. Fuck you mom... Me not showing up is a slight to the family?  Forget that I'm the one getting fucked whenever something happens (weird investment twist I ended up paying $10k in family members' tax bills this year) but now I get to listen to you cry on the phone to me about how I'm not being fair by not showing up when I will have literally stayed at your house for 20+ days in a 10 week span. 

I have seen every member in my family more than they have seen each other over the last month and somehow I'm the guy that is making it impossible for our family to get together.  I swear it is impossible for people to be fucking adults and think with even the slightest bit of rationale.

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babysdaddy

babysdaddy 2721

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1 hour ago, Jhawk said:

Here we gooooo....

I have been traveling for work for the last 3 weeks straight.  Will be traveling for 8 of the next 9 weeks as well (including family holidays).  I alerted the family that I will not be in KC for Thanksgiving as I am in KC all this week and will be in KC the entirety of the week after T-giving.  On top of that, I will be in KC for 10 days over xmas.  Thinking of my mom, I arrange for a family dinner when I am in KC the week after thanksgiving.

Today I get a call from my sister asking me to cancel that and to come to thanksgiving instead to "help her relationship with her husband."  He apparently is sick of going to 5 holiday dinners for every holiday (as is everyone except the two women, my mom and sister).  Fuck that shit.  By the end of december I will have been in KC for 6 of the previous 10 weeks and you can't arrange to get around to a family dinner unless it is on thanksgiving?  Fuck you, I'm the one putting strain on your relationship because I don't show up to a holiday?  Oh yeah.. Fuck you mom... Me not showing up is a slight to the family?  Forget that I'm the one getting fucked whenever something happens (weird investment twist I ended up paying $10k in family members' tax bills this year) but now I get to listen to you cry on the phone to me about how I'm not being fair by not showing up when I will have literally stayed at your house for 20+ days in a 10 week span. 

I have seen every member in my family more than they have seen each other over the last month and somehow I'm the guy that is making it impossible for our family to get together.  I swear it is impossible for people to be fucking adults and think with even the slightest bit of rationale.

Tell your sis to suck his dick, make him a sandwich, and not talk too much.  Then he won't give two shits if you show up for Thanksgiving.

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MissingInAction

MissingInAction 25036

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Well just when I thought I was out.... turns out the sister I actually like is also working over Thanksgiving, and the 'rents have decided to move the holiday up to this Saturday so EVERYONE CAN FUCKING BE THERE! 

That means everyone I can't stand will fucking be there:

1. The other sister and her shit-tard trumpkin husband who may be the dumbest fuck that ever dumb fucked. Their son/my nephew is an idiot, and destroys everything in his path while his shit stain parents do nothing. Their dog is pretty cool, but it is a total pussy which means my dog will bully it all over the yard until it rolls over and pisses itself. Satisfied, Luna will then leave it alone.

2. There is no telling how many hillbilly, trailer park, mouth breathing cousins will crawl out of the woodwork for free shit. My folks have money and once one of those worthless leeches hears they are spending any, the word spreads quick. One of the lil bastards looks like a mini Kenny Powers, mullet and all. 

3. I hate them all. 

 

 

 

Edited by MissingInAction
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El Diablo

El Diablo 4232

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5 hours ago, Jhawk said:

Here we gooooo....

I have been traveling for work for the last 3 weeks straight.  Will be traveling for 8 of the next 9 weeks as well (including family holidays).  I alerted the family that I will not be in KC for Thanksgiving as I am in KC all this week and will be in KC the entirety of the week after T-giving.  On top of that, I will be in KC for 10 days over xmas.  Thinking of my mom, I arrange for a family dinner when I am in KC the week after thanksgiving.

Today I get a call from my sister asking me to cancel that and to come to thanksgiving instead to "help her relationship with her husband."  He apparently is sick of going to 5 holiday dinners for every holiday (as is everyone except the two women, my mom and sister).  Fuck that shit.  By the end of december I will have been in KC for 6 of the previous 10 weeks and you can't arrange to get around to a family dinner unless it is on thanksgiving?  Fuck you, I'm the one putting strain on your relationship because I don't show up to a holiday?  Oh yeah.. Fuck you mom... Me not showing up is a slight to the family?  Forget that I'm the one getting fucked whenever something happens (weird investment twist I ended up paying $10k in family members' tax bills this year) but now I get to listen to you cry on the phone to me about how I'm not being fair by not showing up when I will have literally stayed at your house for 20+ days in a 10 week span. 

I have seen every member in my family more than they have seen each other over the last month and somehow I'm the guy that is making it impossible for our family to get together.  I swear it is impossible for people to be fucking adults and think with even the slightest bit of rationale.

20 days at your mom's? Why?

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Jhawk

Jhawk 1075

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5 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

20 days at your mom's? Why?

I deal with this bullshit once a year. I’m in kc every month and just happen to have a lot of projects going on up there right now so it’s more. Imagine the bullshit I’d be put thru if I was in KC and never came by. 

Plus it’s free and I drink the fuck out of my dad’s great wine and eat steak or awesome fish each night. 

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MissingInAction

MissingInAction 25036

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2 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

I for one wouldn’t mind a picture of Mini Kenny at the dinner table. 

You bastards... I almost feel like I am obligated to you all to make this happen.

I think he and his family live in hollowed out trees and hog carcasses, so no idea if they will show. They might steal a car and make it though.

Edited by MissingInAction
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AUS-97HORN

AUS-97HORN 11757

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I too eagerly await the stories that this thread brings every year.  I shouldnt be able to contribute as Im the single asshole who lives 4 hours away from the closest family.  which pretty much guarantees I wont be visiting family on Thanksgiving, and the jury is completely out on Christmas. 

 

 

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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They call her the Luann Platter for a reason.  You get all her gravy smothered meat with those scrumptious white buns and you can pick two of her friends as side pieces.  

and her name also happens to be Luann. Which, by the way, if you’re gonna raise a whore of a girl—-give her a less white trash trailerpark name next time   

 

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Longboard Horn

Longboard Horn 40301

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I've been informed that we're not doing anything for Thanksgiving Day, but instead my oldest sister(who is pregnant) will be hosting "Thanksgiving" at her house on that following Saturday to do her gender reveal party. WTF is the purpose of a gender reveal party? Also, her mother is insisting that I bring a gift. Why the fuck would I bring a gift if I don't know the sex of the baby until the party? I have informed my step-sister and her mother that I'm not bringing a gift. Thank god sis is on my side with it.

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Longboard Horn

Longboard Horn 40301

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On 11/8/2019 at 4:19 PM, ChickenSandwich said:

Visiting one of my Aunt/Uncles for TDay. The stage is set for an exorcism/intervention. 
 

My Uber religious Aunt will be attempting to cleanse her son who says he can talk to the dead. (He got his own tv show picked up). Family assumes he is full of shit but getting PAID, Aunt thinks he does talk to the dead, but not lost souls. She believes it’s actually the devil. 
 

the simpsons waiting GIF

If your aunt thinks he's really talking to the devil, then if she catches him talking to goats, he can explain to her that he's making deals with higher powers. lol

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After irth

After irth 1243

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1 hour ago, Longboard Horn said:

I've been informed that we're not doing anything for Thanksgiving Day, but instead my oldest sister(who is pregnant) will be hosting "Thanksgiving" at her house on that following Saturday to do her gender reveal party. WTF is the purpose of a gender reveal party? Also, her mother is insisting that I bring a gift. Why the fuck would I bring a gift if I don't know the sex of the baby until the party? I have informed my step-sister and her mother that I'm not bringing a gift. Thank god sis is on my side with it.

Damn. Condolences. Your family sounds needy. 

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NWBuck

NWBuck 8552

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19 hours ago, Longboard Horn said:

I've been informed that we're not doing anything for Thanksgiving Day, but instead my oldest sister(who is pregnant) will be hosting "Thanksgiving" at her house on that following Saturday to do her gender reveal party. WTF is the purpose of a gender reveal party? Also, her mother is insisting that I bring a gift. Why the fuck would I bring a gift if I don't know the sex of the baby until the party? I have informed my step-sister and her mother that I'm not bringing a gift. Thank god sis is on my side with it.

Looking forward to the story of how the meat was dyed pink or blue, and the overly enthusiastic celebration when the bird is carved. 

I'd ask about the stuffing, but I'm assuming that someone already taken care of that. 

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ChickenSandwich

ChickenSandwich 9832

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T-Day intervention on life support after my cousin got drunk and told her brother my Aunt’s plan. Apparently all hell broke loose this weekend and dinner is off. 
 

im devastated and pissed my cousin couldn’t keep her damn mouth shut. Now who’s going to stop the Devil?

all of the disappointment. Non of the Turkey. This weekend sucked. Thanks Tom. 

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Iceman

Iceman 2699

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Posted
2 minutes ago, tx 3 putt said:

the controversy is raging in our family for T-Day. I'm anti HEB pumpkin pie, too much nutmeg. others are anti Costco pumpkin pie, it's too big. will we find a compromise ????

It’d be too simple to buy both and stuff their  pieholes(get it?) with Thanksgiving goodness so they cannot speak...

 

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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 21898

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If you're too fucking lazy to make your own pumpkin pie then you don't deserve Thanksgiving.  Real pumpkin pie is made from your leftover Halloween pumpkin.

The same goes for stuffing.  Except for the part about the pumpkin.  Only an idiot would put pumpkin in stuffing.  Real stuffing is made from all your leftover stale bread and homemade cornbread.

Edited by NeverMarryAStripper
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