Official 2019 bitch about family/holiday drama thread

[RollLeft 5045]

53 minutes ago, Penelope said:

Since my ex and I split up this last year, I’m enjoying my first Aggie Free Thanksgiving  in six years (his whole family went to A&M). I’m opening up the bar and spending my day serving booze. 

How you doin?

[luke duke 6414]

My MIL asked me to handle the turkey this year. I declined her offer to procure the turkey since I knew that it would be the cheapest one that she could find and that it would likely be half-frozen and unbrined when I arrived.

So far this morning she has questioned every aspect of the turkey preparation.

Where did you get it?
Central Market.

Did you thaw it properly?
It’s never been frozen.

Did you transport it properly?
Yes. See that big cooler of ice over there...

Why isn’t it brined?
I dry brined it. Look it up.

Make sure you don’t undercook it.
In a slow year, I cook for over 1000 people. I know what I’m doing.

Why are you drinking so early?

What is that you’re putting in the gravy?
It’s some bone broth that I made the other day.

Use this. It’s better.
*Hands me a can of low sodium store brand chicken broth.

[markstanco 12611]

Are you the guy with the mullet?

The guy with the mullet actually is crazy rich. He is a super cool dude.

[G650 14277]

12 minutes ago, freyguy said:

What the hell, are yall oil barons?

No sweatpants and old shirts?

I think PilotsError was the militant shorts at Thanksgiving wearer.

8 minutes ago, RollLeft said:

Are you the guy with the mullet?

I seriously hope so.

[cactusflinthead 27602]

@Mrs Whiggins

It's a dispose a little, not a dispose all. Disregard the misnomer of disposal unless you want to call the plumber. 

[Armybrat 40910]

17 minutes ago, freyguy said:

What the hell, are yall oil barons?

No sweatpants and old shirts?

The Ewings are still around.

[Whatever 700]

The guy with the mullet actually is crazy rich. He is a super cool dude.

Is that the Puple Wizard wearing a bowtie in the bottom left of the first pic?

[luke duke 6414]

What is that you’re putting in the gravy?
It’s some bone broth that I made the other day.

Use this. It’s better.
*Hands me a can of low sodium store brand chicken broth.

The gravy just got thinner. I’m pretty sure she poured some of her broth in the gravy when I was in the bathroom.

[freyguy 4289]

[BradInATX 9208]

I swear to fuck I'm negging every post on this thread that has the word "pie" in it from here out. This isn't the god damned Martha Stewart thread, this is where we laugh and cry about each other's fucked up families.

 

 

 

 

[G650 14277]

1 minute ago, BradInATX said:

I swear to fuck I'm negging every post on this thread that has the word "pie" in it from now until 1/1/2020. This isn't the god damned Martha Stewart thread, this is where we laugh and cry about each other's fucked up families.

 

 

Shut your pie hole

[BradInATX 9208]

Shut your pie hole

I'll allow it.

[G650 14277]

2 minutes ago, BradInATX said:

4 minutes ago, G650 said:

Shut your pie hole

I'll allow it.

 

I am ready for some more family tears and angst in here myself.

My in laws just arrived so we've reached the part of the day where I pretend I'm checking on the turkey while drinking brown liquor.

[markstanco 12611]

42 minutes ago, Whatever said:

53 minutes ago, markstanco said:

The guy with the mullet actually is crazy rich. He is a super cool dude.

Is that the Puple Wizard wearing a bowtie in the bottom left of the first pic?

Holy shit. I didnt notice that. Should have said hello. 

[Whatever 700]

Holy shit. I didnt notice that. Should have said hello. 

So is that really him?

[GSU&UT 1798]

2 hours ago, Hook1997 said:

I’m going to my redneck brother in laws which is always a opportunity for stupid or crazy shit.  My favorite quote of his was At Christmas a few years back, him talking to his son about a truck they were fixing up for him when he gets his license.  “Boy you better pass summer school cause you ain’t driving to junior high”.  They are dumb as a block of bricks.  

I'm still catching up but god damn this made me laugh hard

[GhostOfTomJoad 9351]

Who's the wanna be wiseguy in the upper left corner? Mr. Clean, leather jacket, staring down into his cup like he's just found a pube in his drink? Is he the hired muscle?

[markstanco 12611]

So is that really him?

Ha....no. just a dude that looks like him. I have never thought about the resemblance, but got damn it's close.

[BrazilHorn 6633]

My BIL & FIL both listen to videos on their phones with no headphones and the volume up. 
 

Super fucking annoying 

[GhostOfTomJoad 9351]

2 minutes ago, BrazilHorn said:

My BIL & FIL both listen to videos on their phones with no headphones and the volume up. 
 

Super fucking annoying 

You try this at my house & your phone is getting locked in the garage. Same with playing video games with the sound not muted. That's shit I just don't tolerate.

[SimonBolivar 10959]

On 11/7/2019 at 10:37 AM, SimonBolivar said:

Just got the news that my parents decided to take all of us and our spouses to the Bellmead Luby's for Thanksgiving Lunch.

 

Update:

Arrived after a 30 minute drive to go roughly 10 miles due to construction where we then waited from 10:50 to 12:00 in line to get our cafeteria food. I've never seen a worse spectacle of humanity.

 

 

1.5 hour at this point for these people

 

 

It smelled as bad as it looks in there.

 

[CR] Sure, wear your Trump hat to Thanksgiving [/CR]

 

Shit ton of Aggies everywhere really completed the whole deal.

 

 

If God turns out to be real this is a very good sample of what my eternity will look like near the Lake of Fire.

 

 

Edited November 28, 2019 by SimonBolivar

[tx 3 putt 77426]

Breaking drama at the Putt thanksgiving :
 

my brother’s MiL did not have any pies or desserts at her house. My brother and his family are begging for a mini thanksgiving tomorrow at my mom’s house, with pie. We are scrambling to have green bean casserole and broccoli casserole for them tomorrow. And pie 

[nnm 36635]

Zebra print lady next to leopard print lady. Are you on safari?

[Parliament 14296]

If only.

[tx 3 putt 77426]

Lubys take home turkey kit >>> waiting in line 

[CoTex 1162]

Ha....no. just a dude that looks like him. I have never thought about the resemblance, but got damn it's close.

 

How do I get on the list?

[4th&Five 41590]

My brother and dad are hunting elk in AZ this week so it’s just my mom, my wife and kids and I. Mom fell and hurt her back so didn’t want to cook (the good news). She was hesitant but agreed to go out to eat. I suggested moonshine or second bar and kitchen but that was too expensive (they live in a 5,000 sf house on Westlake Drive) so we settled on Hoover’s. Got there at 10:50 and were eating by 11:30. All in all it was pretty painless. 
 

The in-laws are coming in January though so I’ll be bumping this then. 

[G650 14277]

47 minutes ago, SimonBolivar said:

Update:

Arrived after a 30 minute drive to go roughly 10 miles due to construction where we then waited from 10:50 to 12:00 in line to get our cafeteria food. I've never seen a worse spectacle of humanity.

 

 

1.5 hour at this point for these people

 

 

It smelled as bad as it looks in there.

 

[CR] Sure, wear your Trump hat to Thanksgiving [/CR]

 

Shit ton of Aggies everywhere really completed the whole deal.

 

 

If God turns out to be real this is a very good sample of what my eternity will look like near the Lake of Fire.

 

 

Is this real life?

[Humpy 112]

59 minutes ago, nnm said:

Zebra print lady next to leopard print lady. Are you on safari?

And not a cougar in the entire place.

[dirtonia 269]

Lubys line looking like a homeless soup ass line looking motha fucka.

[Loco 3754]

4 hours ago, markstanco said:

Few pics from the martini Matinee:

Are we just not going to talk about that badass dude rocking the silver bmullet

[Loco 3754]

On 11/7/2019 at 11:37 AM, SimonBolivar said:

Just got the news that my parents decided to take all of us and our spouses to the Bellmead Luby's for Thanksgiving Lunch.

 

You  win..  Although earlier today I sat on the beach with the family and fried chicken and cocktails.  But it's almost time to head out to the Family dinner.  Godspeed Everyone.

[EE2B 1565]

 
How do I get on the list?

No shit. I’m pretty sure I passed within a couple of miles of there on my drive today. I started to stop and piss on his sign.

[Player 4576]

Who is it that has the little nephew that likes to talk shit to his mom? Was it Al?

Regardless, I’d like to hear an update on what that cunning linguist has said so far today.

[Parliament 14296]

ISU and his half-Asian shithead nephew.

[BearSchlong 8114]

NFL trivia with my Dad and FIL.

TIL Hank Stram's daughter used to babysit my then infant wife.

[The Ace of Aces 5194]

My family called to say hi and I could hear arguing in the background. So glad we stayed home, ate Greenberg turkey, green rice, dressing and sweet potato casserole, saw It’s A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood, about to eat a pumpkin cheesecake from Wegmans, drink some Troegs Mad Elf SND later on fuck like rabbits.

Happy Thanksgiving, bitches.

[Buzzrock 14941]

She sounds ugly and hairy

She’s actually really naturally pretty and doesn’t need makeup. Which kinda makes it worse.

[Buzzrock 14941]

I swear to fuck I'm negging every post on this thread that has the word "pie" in it from here out. This isn't the god damned Martha Stewart thread, this is where we laugh and cry about each other's fucked up families.
 
 
 
 

Today’s spread

[Buzzrock 14941]

I was hoping to have something good to add when the people who my uncle owes thousands of dollars to just happened to drop by while he was here. I was getting the popcorn ready but there were no fireworks. Too bad. However I’m pretty sure they’ll catch up with him later.

My dad and uncles did check off several of the old southern white guy bitching boxes: Muslims, gays, Democrats, Obama, Clinton all present and accounted for.

[Sbbruin 21887]

2 hours ago, G650 said:

Is this real life?

Yeah, you wouldn’t catch me doin that shit for anything.  Fuck that noise.

[blacklab 11951]

3 hours ago, SimonBolivar said:

 

 

 

Waco?

[SimonBolivar 10959]

3 minutes ago, blacklab said:

Waco?

Edited November 28, 2019 by SimonBolivar

[Okie State 3847]

Waiting in line for Luby's. Now I've seen it all.

[blacklab 11951]

2 minutes ago, SimonBolivar said:

My condolences to you and your family.

[SimonBolivar 10959]

3 minutes ago, Okie State said:

Waiting in line for Luby's. Now I've seen it all.

It was unlike any experience I've ever had in my life. Everyone there from a 95 year old to a 2 year old understood that this moment was the lowest point of their life. It was much like what I'd imagine a shelter in West Virginia would be like right after a Nuclear holocaust.

[Kennythetiger 9460]

50 minutes ago, Buzzrock said:

 

Today’s spread

 

Are the things in the upper left sugar cookies that are decorated into turkeys?  If so, that’s where I am heading first, then for a small slice of each one of those pecan pies so that I can determine the winner. 

[Armybrat 40910]

41 minutes ago, Okie State said:

Waiting in line for Luby's. Now I've seen it all.

Even I would say fuck that.

[Bama Llama 1450]

I'd rather drink Jameson's and eat saltines and vienna sausage on my couch than eat cafeteria food with the poor zombies in that Luby's line.

My favorite Thanksgivings were with my in-laws in their prime - tender, juicy, crusty, spicy, sweet everything on the big table, and my bookie FIL in the recliner drinking Miller and taking bets on Cowboys and Lions games, Texas vs Ags (this was the 70s, 80s and 90s), and jacking up the line on his loyal Alabama bettors for the Auburn game.

Ahh, Stimpy, those were the days.

Sorry, no misery or drama.  The attitude is gratitude in these funky times, brothers.  Good luck fixing whatever's messed up on the 40 acres. We have a home & home coming up soon.  Hope we don't start tailing off either.  Bama vs Texas needs to rock.

[Bullneck 19206]

1 hour ago, Buzzrock said:

 

Today’s spread

 

Is this before or after the Arsenal v. Eintrach match?  

(There's really no reason for me to bring this up other than to be a dick.  Now you can bitch about that 🤨