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Official 2019 bitch about family/holiday drama thread

Nice Guy Eddie

By Nice Guy Eddie
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GhostOfTomJoad

GhostOfTomJoad 9,351

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Alright. Dog's been walked. Coffee's on. Fireplace is on and watching the Yule Log on TV with pets playing in front of the fire & tree full of presents. Bring on the stories of the drunken relatives going bat shit crazy on one another. 

Oh, and peace and love and happiness to all y'all and shit like that.

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ocugolf
ocugolf

My mother decided Thanksgiving was the perfect time to buy new doors. So, they took the old ones and put them in one of their rent houses. Problem is that they didn’t have time to get the new doors st

Larry T. Spider
Larry T. Spider

Today is a day that will live in infamy. 5 brave people stood up to a reign of terror than has lasted well over 30 years. The 3 children of MIL decided that no more shit will be taken and the the

NeverMarryAStripper
NeverMarryAStripper

I’m up at the ranch with my mom, siblings, and all of our extended families. It’s about 30 people in all, just like very year. This year mom finally decided she was too old to be in charge of the co

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Brothahorn

Brothahorn 10,087

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FIL and I started off with Jack and Egg Nog at 5am. Now it's Mimosa Time!

SIL has shown up and killed our buzz. Constantly trying to put down everyone else, but barely has a pot to piss in. And wouldn't have that if it wasn't for my dumbass wife.

 

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Larry T. Spider

Larry T. Spider 1,747

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Things are still pretty calm around here. This afternoon all of the in-laws friends come over. Somebody draw me a bingo board of all the shit boomer trumpkins like to talk about. Muslims, gays, obummer, etc.

The gift from MIL this year was bed sheets. No lecture. Strange but I’ll call it a win.

BIL went to the grocery store this morning to do his Christmas shopping and came back smelling like booze. Still under control though.

SIL did the cooking this morning and did a great job. Of course MIL who over salts everything complained that it was too salty (it wasn’t at all). SIL checks her with a quickness. She is the unexpected hero of the trip so far.

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MissingInAction

MissingInAction 25,187

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32 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:


Look, man, a dishonorable discharge for [checks file] carnal relations with a goat belonging to the village chief while on a sensitive mission is nothing to be ashamed of.

Wait...yes, yes it is.

Calling your mom a goat on christmas day is not fair to the other goats I banged while on tour.

Soooo many goats....

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MissingInAction

MissingInAction 25,187

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15 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

This fucker is so fucking stupid I am honestly concerned he may have a brain injury/nohyperbole.

 

Just picked up a variety pack of mini bar sized liqour bottles.

My plan is to leave them laying around their house like claymores then watch the chaos ensue.

Planting these lil bastards now.

 

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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12,485

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It was funny. Not sure how he even came to that assumption. I know he had a shiner or 2. Cossettas is the goat, he'll usually pick up some sauce and meatballs for the family if he's in the area.



Same. My brother lives there and we always stop and get their sauce and meatballs. So damn good.
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pearlandhorn

pearlandhorn 3,274

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2 hours ago, Sbbruin said:

I need to find out if @pearlandhorn outdid receiving a weedwhacker replacement string this year.

Ahhhh here we go.

Batteries this year. Double A, triple A, a battery for my drill...batteries. I also did get a new scope for my deer rifle.

SILs got a literal small box of hundreds. My wife? Nope. My in-laws either hate me or feel sorry for my SILs because every fucking year since we’ve been married, they’ve given them cash and my wife nothing. Maybe it’s due to the fact they know I make a lot of money from my job and my wife has everything she needs and wants. Still irritates the fuck out of me. My wife finally asked where her cash was this year. They didn’t say anything.

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13,253

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28 minutes ago, pearlandhorn said:

Ahhhh here we go.

Batteries this year. Double A, triple A, a battery for my drill...batteries. I also did get a new scope for my deer rifle.

SILs got a literal small box of hundreds. My wife? Nope. My in-laws either hate me or feel sorry for my SILs because every fucking year since we’ve been married, they’ve given them cash and my wife nothing. Maybe it’s due to the fact they know I make a lot of money from my job and my wife has everything she needs and wants. Still irritates the fuck out of me. My wife finally asked where her cash was this year. They didn’t say anything.

That's bullshit. Skip next year. 

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Larry T. Spider

Larry T. Spider 1,747

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BIL left to go visit trashy gf instead of bringing her here. Missed out on a damn good opportunity there. People are coming over at 4:00. He will be late....and drunk. MIL will be pissed about both.

SILs husband cooked the rib roast last year and it was great. MIL is refusing to let him do it again this year because it wasn’t burned to her tasting. SIL saves the day again and he is cooking 1 of the 3. I’ll be first in line for the good shit.

We have enough fire wood for the next 5 years. FIL just left to buy fire wood. Whatever, he probably just wanted a break.

 

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8,821

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BIL left to go visit trashy gf instead of bringing her here. Missed out on a damn good opportunity there. People are coming over at 4:00. He will be late....and drunk. MIL will be pissed about both.
SILs husband cooked the rib roast last year and it was great. MIL is refusing to let him do it again this year because it wasn’t burned to her tasting. SIL saves the day again and he is cooking 1 of the 3. I’ll be first in line for the good shit.
We have enough fire wood for the next 5 years. FIL just left to buy fire wood. Whatever, he probably just wanted a break.
 
Keep us updated on the rib roast. Maybe take a pic of the devoured good one vs the shoe leather one
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nnm

nnm 36,635

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1 hour ago, pearlandhorn said:

Ahhhh here we go.

Batteries this year. Double A, triple A, a battery for my drill...batteries. I also did get a new scope for my deer rifle.

SILs got a literal small box of hundreds. My wife? Nope. My in-laws either hate me or feel sorry for my SILs because every fucking year since we’ve been married, they’ve given them cash and my wife nothing. Maybe it’s due to the fact they know I make a lot of money from my job and my wife has everything she needs and wants. Still irritates the fuck out of me. My wife finally asked where her cash was this year. They didn’t say anything.

25-ECDC5-B-1-C6-A-4-CD1-8-FFE-7-BE667780

 

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MaybeACoordinator

MaybeACoordinator 8,349

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5 hours ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

I just spiked mine, the first of many.

Met some rando Brownsville native in Padre during Spring Break '90. He was fucking hilarious, and one of his best stories involved him spiking the ice tray at his parents' dinner party with acid. Not a ton, like four hits scattered over 12 cubes, so everybody got just a little over half a hit each. He said the guests were all saying things like "Oh my god, this is the best punch ever! Where did you get the recipe?" whil he,  the son, just watched and cackled.

So, file that away for next year.  

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Johnny Sack

Johnny Sack 8,397

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40 minutes ago, tx 3 putt said:

Xmas fajitas update : pre packaged fajitas from Costco were damn good. Much more tender than HeB (and I’m a life long heb fajita fan) 

family crisis adverted 

I meant to respond.  The Costco pre marinated fajitas are the shit.  Better than HEB. Better than La Michoacána

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