Official 2019 bitch about family/holiday drama thread

[tx 3 putt 78470]

5 minutes ago, Johnny Sack said:

I meant to respond.  The Costco pre marinated fajitas are the shit.  Better than HEB. Better than La Michoacána

The tenderness is off the scales. 

[4th&Five 41904]

Welp, didn’t expect to contribute today but dumb shit cousin nobody likes showed up and started talking about politics in the middle of present opening. There’s a reason nobody invites his dumb ass anywhere. 

[tx 3 putt 78470]

Just now, 4th&Five said:

Welp, didn’t expect to contribute today but dumb shit cousin nobody likes showed up and started talking about politics in the middle of present opening. There’s a reason nobody invites his dumb ass anywhere. 

Fuck that douche 

[nnm 37737]

36 minutes ago, MaybeACoordinator said:

Met some rando Brownsville native in Padre during Spring Break '90. He was fucking hilarious, and one of his best stories involved him spiking the ice tray at his parents' dinner party with acid. Not a ton, like four hits scattered over 12 cubes, so everybody got just a little over half a hit each. He said the guests were all saying things like "Oh my god, this is the best punch ever! Where did you get the recipe?" whil he,  the son, just watched and cackled.

So, file that away for next year.  

All fun and games until they all get fired for failing their drug tests at work. 

[nnm 37737]

NM DP

Edited December 25, 2019 by nnm

[MaybeACoordinator 8350]

2 minutes ago, nnm said:

All fun and games until they all get fired for failing their drug tests at work. 

Not so fast:  LSD is unscreenable. 

[Parliament 14560]

Welp, didn’t expect to contribute today but dumb shit cousin nobody likes showed up and started talking about politics in the middle of present opening. There’s a reason nobody invites his dumb ass anywhere. 

Sorry, dude, Jesus. I was just trying to contribute.

[Dbeasy 15526]

This thread made me pay attention during Xmas day, instead of just drinking and napping as normal. There must have already been a dozen cringy embarrassing moments so far and we are only halfway thru the day. So many awkward comments.

[Grade of D as in David 13255]

4 minutes ago, Dbeasy said:

This thread made me pay attention during Xmas day, instead of just drinking and napping as normal. There must have already been a dozen cringy embarrassing moments so far and we are only halfway thru the day. So many awkward comments.

[Sbbruin 22082]

13 minutes ago, Dbeasy said:

This thread made me pay attention during Xmas day, instead of just drinking and napping as normal. There must have already been a dozen cringy embarrassing moments so far and we are only halfway thru the day. So many awkward comments.

and.....???

[Okie State 3887]

BIL left to go visit trashy gf instead of bringing her here. Missed out on a damn good opportunity there. People are coming over at 4:00. He will be late....and drunk. MIL will be pissed about both.
SILs husband cooked the rib roast last year and it was great. MIL is refusing to let him do it again this year because it wasn’t burned to her tasting. SIL saves the day again and he is cooking 1 of the 3. I’ll be first in line for the good shit.
We have enough fire wood for the next 5 years. FIL just left to buy fire wood. Whatever, he probably just wanted a break.
 

At this point I feel like we're all part of this family. Almost like I'm there.

[Sbbruin 22082]

14 minutes ago, Dbeasy said:

This thread made me pay attention during Xmas day, instead of just drinking and napping as normal. There must have already been a dozen cringy embarrassing moments so far and we are only halfway thru the day. So many awkward comments.

and.....???

[Underdog 29102]

Trashy GF pics aren’t downloading.  Anyone else having this issue?

[bolverk 30231]

He said BIL went out to see trashy GF this year instead of bringing her over, but there's still hope he'll come home drunk and late for dinner. I for one hope he changes his mind and they both show up shit faced later.

The suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

[pearlandhorn 3343]

Wife’s aunt is about to pass away. We’re up at hospice.

Merry fucking Christmas guys.

[tx 3 putt 78470]

42 minutes ago, Underdog said:

Trashy GF pics aren’t downloading.  Anyone else having this issue?

Trashy gf’s usually look great in skimpy thongs, if my memory from this weekend serves me right 

[MaybeACoordinator 8350]

3 minutes ago, tx 3 putt said:

Trashy gf’s usually look great in skimpy thongs, if my memory from this weekend serves me right 

[Knoxtnhorn 6262]

27 minutes ago, pearlandhorn said:

Wife’s aunt is about to pass away. We’re up at hospice.

Merry fucking Christmas guys.

That's not really how this thread works.

On a serious note, sorry to hear about your wife's aunt.  

[Okie State 3887]

Into the high ABV beers and BIL is trying to convince me that diversification is not the correct approach to retirement investing. Hoo boy here we go!

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2779]

Wife’s aunt is about to pass away. We’re up at hospice.
Merry fucking Christmas guys.

So that’s where the cash is coming from eh.

[GhostOfTomJoad 9483]

Into the high ABV beers and BIL is trying to convince me that diversification is not the correct approach to retirement investing. Hoo boy here we go!

"I'm telling ya, put every penny you've got into a guaranteed winner: emu ranching! The meat is incredible! "

[Okie State 3887]

"I'm telling ya, put every penny you've got into a guaranteed winner: emu ranching! The meat is incredible! "

No risk. Guaranteed double digit returns!

[Alvin89 108]

I remember the old place had an entire thread on investing for retirement. I may have missed it but is there a similar one here?  

[GhostOfTomJoad 9483]

No risk. Guaranteed double digit returns!

He's talking about a meth lab, isn't he?

[Parliament 14560]

I remember the old place had an entire thread on investing for retirement. I may have missed it but is there a similar one here?  

"Markets falling like woah" Look in Bada Bing.

[ABSR 5357]

1 hour ago, Okie State said:

Into the high ABV beers and BIL is trying to convince me that diversification is not the correct approach to retirement investing. Hoo boy here we go!

I think he is trying to tell you that their retirement plan is to move in with you.  He just may not know it.

[Bozo_Casanova 26773]

Wife’s aunt is about to pass away. We’re up at hospice.
Merry fucking Christmas guys.

There’s a battery joke in here but instead I’ll just offer my condolences. Sorry man.

[4th&Five 41904]

Dad asked my wife if she wanted a glass of wine (didn’t ask me because I’m pretty sure he thinks only women drink wine). She took a sip and almost spit it out because it was so bad. A few minutes go by and he says it’s from the same bottle he opened last year. 

[GhostOfTomJoad 9483]

How could the wine go bad? It was in the fridge between the miracle whip and vlassic pickle slices, wasn't it?

[Royalfan5 2383]

Did find out why my nephews new wife wasn’t at the first Christmas this weekend, apparently she went on a full bender, tried to choke her 3 year old out, cleaned out their checking account, while he now has a full restraining order against her, although no one is sure where she now is, while he starts divorce proceedings. 

Edited December 26, 2019 by Royalfan5
Spelling

[PenelopeWitherspoon 19279]

Did find you why my nephews new wife wasn’t at the first Christmas this weekend, apparently she went on a full bender, tried to choke her 3 year old out, cleaned out their checking account, while he now has a full restraining order against her, although no one is sure where she now is, while he starts divorce proceedings. 

Holy shit.

[4th&Five 41904]

7 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

How could the wine go bad? It was in the fridge between the miracle whip and vlassic pickle slices, wasn't it?

Oh no. Under the sink. Bottle is massive so there should be plenty for next year. 

[freyguy 4364]

8 minutes ago, Royalfan5 said:

Did find you why my nephews new wife wasn’t at the first Christmas this weekend, apparently she went on a full bender, tried to choke her 3 year old out, cleaned out their checking account, while he now has a full restraining order against her, although no one is sure where she now is, while he starts divorce proceedings. 

Late entry takes the lead....

[G650 14421]

11 minutes ago, Royalfan5 said:

Did find you why my nephews new wife wasn’t at the first Christmas this weekend, apparently she went on a full bender, tried to choke her 3 year old out, cleaned out their checking account, while he now has a full restraining order against her, although no one is sure where she now is, while he starts divorce proceedings. 

Sounds like my wife's cousin. But at least she moved on to get knocked up by some dude in rehab with her.

[Royalfan5 2383]

13 minutes ago, G650 said:

Sounds like my wife's cousin. But at least she moved on to get knocked up by some dude in rehab with her.

That’s probably on the table here at some point. The current theory is that she’s squatting in her uncle’s house while he’s a guest of the state for bit. I think the upshot is that he legally adopted the older girl, so the kids can stay together with him instead of sending the older one into the system 

[WhatTheBuck 28904]

4 hours ago, MaybeACoordinator said:

Met some rando Brownsville native in Padre during Spring Break '90. He was fucking hilarious, and one of his best stories involved him spiking the ice tray at his parents' dinner party with acid. Not a ton, like four hits scattered over 12 cubes, so everybody got just a little over half a hit each. He said the guests were all saying things like "Oh my god, this is the best punch ever! Where did you get the recipe?" whil he,  the son, just watched and cackled.

So, file that away for next year.  

And then he added that a couple of them got pulled over on the highway driving home. The cop asked them if they knew how fast they were going. They guessed, "80?" The cop answered, "20."

[MissingInAction 25478]

I must say it was pleasant. Retrieved ancient documents I shoiud burn, not one argument, played nintendo switch with the nephew.

The BILs strict no whiskey policy worked well. Maybe he isnt as stupid as I thought.

Merry Christmas... fuckers

[millhouse 2719]

Well the awkward and slightly bigoted opinions have begun....."Cpt. Jack Sparrow got gayer and gayer as the series went on. By the last one he was flaming." 

[OrangEngr 1035]

I realize this is a mild story, but this is only one example: The feigned Incompetence act is exhausting. my MIL saw a recipe for cranberry moonshine (cranberries soaked in moonshine) and gave it a try. She bought the only moonshine available at her local liquor store. It wasn’t that good. We tried and told her that (based on our trip to Gatlinburg this past summer) that’s its ok, but it’d be good with better moonshine. She starts making excuses, about the only moonshine this, and I’ve never that. We weren’t judging, we were complementing the effort, and trying to help, but whatever. 
 

she also didn’t understand my statement that Chrissy Teagan has “fat girl tits”, but that’s her problem.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8963]

Did find out why my nephews new wife wasn’t at the first Christmas this weekend, apparently she went on a full bender, tried to choke her 3 year old out, cleaned out their checking account, while he now has a full restraining order against her, although no one is sure where she now is, while he starts divorce proceedings. 

Crazy while i sit on the couch surrounded by mostly sane in laws... this type of shit is happening to someone out there

[HenryJames 67116]

1 hour ago, Royalfan5 said:

Did find out why my nephews new wife wasn’t at the first Christmas this weekend, apparently she went on a full bender, tried to choke her 3 year old out, cleaned out their checking account, while he now has a full restraining order against her, although no one is sure where she now is, while he starts divorce proceedings. 

Pics?

[Longboard Horn 41319]

My nieces and nephews are talking about college. My nephew is a savage. 

Niece: “if I go to college...”

Nephew interrupts her: “you gonna get a train run on you by all the players on the football team.”

[Leeroy Jenkins 2475]

My nieces and nephews are talking about college. My nephew is a savage. 
Niece: “if I go to college...”
Nephew interrupts her: “you gonna get a train run on you by all the players on the football team.”

So Baylor is her school of choice?

[Js1 86941]

I missed the family drama. My sister texted me that my aunt suddenly decided my grandparents’ urn needs to be buried in a cemetery (They we’re cremated like 8 years ago) against their wishes/will because my grandpa “told her” with no proof. Turned into a shouting match and my sister may have called my aunt a “hypocritical, self righteous, entitled catholic bitch.”

And my 13 year old nephew didn’t think to FaceTime me in from Colorado to see it.  Worthless kids these days. 

[mchookem 16729]

well after the WORST.CHRISTMAS.EVER last year (post #44) this year pales in comparison...

sister got shitfaced last night so was hungover, my prime rib and homemade mac&cheese were excellent, and i successfully neutralized a brewing teen girl/single mom confrontation/screaming fight/meltdown.

merry christmas! 😁

[Brisketexan 106625]

I realize this is a mild story, but this is only one example: The feigned Incompetence act is exhausting. my MIL saw a recipe for cranberry moonshine (cranberries soaked in moonshine) and gave it a try. She bought the only moonshine available at her local liquor store. It wasn’t that good. We tried and told her that (based on our trip to Gatlinburg this past summer) that’s its ok, but it’d be good with better moonshine. She starts making excuses, about the only moonshine this, and I’ve never that. We weren’t judging, we were complementing the effort, and trying to help, but whatever. 
 
she also didn’t understand my statement that Chrissy Teagan has “fat girl tits”, but that’s her problem.

Ain’t nuthin’ wrong with Teagan tits.

[tx 3 putt 78470]

3 hours ago, Royalfan5 said:

Did find out why my nephews new wife wasn’t at the first Christmas this weekend, apparently she went on a full bender, tried to choke her 3 year old out, cleaned out their checking account, while he now has a full restraining order against her, although no one is sure where she now is, while he starts divorce proceedings. 

 

Royal Rumble !!!!

a new wrestler running into the ring !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

[Hook1997 5486]

3 hours ago, Royalfan5 said:

Did find out why my nephews new wife wasn’t at the first Christmas this weekend, apparently she went on a full bender, tried to choke her 3 year old out, cleaned out their checking account, while he now has a full restraining order against her, although no one is sure where she now is, while he starts divorce proceedings. 

I see someone married my one of my ex girlfriends...  No give backs! 

[nnm 37737]

1 hour ago, Leeroy Jenkins said:

 

So Baylor is her school of choice?

 

That was a layup on a 6-foot goal. 

Some of these recent entries are strong to quite strong. Unfortunately I ran out of rep like 5 pages ago. 
 

Given the Wednesday Christmas this year, many will be stuck with extended family through the beginning of next week. I’m looking forward to the escalating tales of hostility as that family time wears about a week too long. 

[Larry T. Spider 1747]

Today is a day that will live in infamy.

5 brave people stood up to a reign of terror than has lasted well over 30 years. The 3 children of MIL decided that no more shit will be taken and the the outlandish rudeness will stop and two were supported by spouses. It did not come without many battles throughout the day but she was thwarted at every turn. 

The final battle came around the great fire pit when SIL told her she should return to her dwelling (go to bed) if she is going to be negative and rude. MIL desperately looked for support, which she did not find, before heading to her nest.

For over an hour now the victorious children have celebrated the win and regaled each other with battle stories from the day, something that has never happened before. The battle of breakfast, the battle of prime rib, the aggression of cleaning before guests, the counter insurgence of child rearing criticism, and finally the battle of fire pit.

We may be lean, but for the first time we are unified and organized. The MIL has been put on notice, with a clear directive, that she shall ruin no more holidays. The long game has won. Let freedom ring.

On a more serious note, she was really told repeatedly that she is ruining everyone’s Christmas with her negativity and lashing out. Sounds like everybody has felt the same way for a long time and we finally got organized in supporting each other in putting a stop to it. Hallelujah.