Official 2019 bitch about family/holiday drama thread

[Celery Man 20933]

 

This is the industrial sized roll, right? Can we get a photo of that sometime and what is the estimate on how long the supply will hold out?

 

It is now movable but I still think I inherit it eventually.

 

 

[Pato del Muerto 52487]

The easy part is to buy the giant roll. To continue to store it, move with it, and use it for 34 years and counting - that takes serious commitment. 

[Larry T. Spider 1746]

Well, we have an earlier than expected update. I went to load up the car and one tire is dead flat. Tried putting air in it but it was too punctured to be safe....on goes the spare. Now I’m sitting at discount for the next hour plus. No big deal, it’s still early and we are going to be at the in-laws for days.

Wrong. Church starts at 4:00 today. This, of course, means nothing to me. However, it is insanely important to controlling MIL who has lied about the start time in the past to have us there almost two hours early so that she can have her favorite seat.

Wife will expect me to drive home, change into church clothes, and drive like a bat out of hell to make it to church on time in another city. Does she care about church? Hell no. But go back to my first post. It’s all about appeasing MIL at all costs. If we somehow don’t make it we will get passive aggressive comments and attitude for days. Will at least make for better material on here.

[Armybrat 40824]

3 hours ago, BradInATX said:

I'll be there at that same one at some point today. FIL loves that effing place. Wife already pulled the flask out for me at least. She knows. The only question is whether I start drinking now or once we hit Belton. Don't know about you but I'm psyched to eat frozen Tyson chicken strips on Christmas Eve amongst the good humble citizens of Waco and surrounding areas.

I guess it's in the spirit of the season, as the Waco Cracker Barrel denizens always remind me of the story of Jesus and the lepers.

Y’all should at least try the Heitmiller’s Steakhouse on the north side of Waco for a decent chicken fried steak.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21875]

30 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

The easy part is to buy the giant roll. To continue to store it, move with it, and use it for 34 years and counting - that takes serious commitment. 

I might still be married if I had commitment like that

[Armybrat 40824]

2 hours ago, usmc0331horn said:

I’ve somehow managed to never eat at a Cracker Barrel. 

We ate at the Round Rock location in 1995..... once.

[ocugolf 1214]

Grandmother has recently been moved to assisted living. It’s a condo. Full kitchen and laundry room. She knows she needs the help, but still is resisting the move and is being rather cranky.

I drove an hour and a half to pick her up this morning for Christmas Eve lunch. Greeted her with “Merry Christmas Nan!”. Got a “This isn’t Christmas. Christmas is only a happy holiday.”. Good start. 

Started lunch and she gets snippy and asked to be returned to her cell. LOL. So now I’m driving her back to her condo and she is refusing to listen to any Christmas music. 

[Guest Lobo]

22 minutes ago, Larry T. Spider said:

Well, we have an earlier than expected update. I went to load up the car and one tire is dead flat. Tried putting air in it but it was too punctured to be safe....on goes the spare. Now I’m sitting at discount for the next hour plus. No big deal, it’s still early and we are going to be at the in-laws for days.

Wrong. Church starts at 4:00 today. This, of course, means nothing to me. However, it is insanely important to controlling MIL who has lied about the start time in the past to have us there almost two hours early so that she can have her favorite seat.

I know this is just a thread to vent, you're not really looking for judgement or even input.  But I gotta tell you at your age, you need my pro tip.  I never, ever fail to either lookup online or call directly to the church in any of the myriad towns my wife's immediate and extended family live in/invite us to.  I can tell you the mass times on regular Sundays and on major holidays at a dozen Catholic churches between Austin and Nebraska. 

I had been sand-bagged too many times just killing time in a Church parking lot talking to third cousins with speech problems for hours on end with no alcohol, because somebody's sister just assumed all Catholic masses happened at the exact same time as her home parish (I think she even thought they took place simultaneously all around the world on Easter and Christmas because of news footage in Saint Peter's Square).  God,  I miss the Pagans.

Edited December 24, 2019 by Lobo

[Anastasis 23463]

What kind of heretic shows up to Christmas Eve service without a flask. 

[4th&Five 41519]

2 hours ago, Lobo said:

I'll have to recommend it to my in-laws.  They love eating in chains wherever they go.  I can never get them to try anything good or adventuresome in Austin.  It's Pizza Hut, Subway, or iHOP every damn time.  I got them to at least try a Saltgrass years and years ago.  And they really like their food bland as hell.  Everything, especially the meat, always overcooked.  But they salt the shit out of everything.  They salt everything from eggs to vegetables before they cook them.  Then they add salt after the food has been plated and served.  And ketchup on everything, which I'm told contains salt.  Wife and I no longer give a shit about it, we just let them do the cooking when they visit, which is actually kinda nice though the meals are insanely redundant.  

This is my fucking in laws too.  They'll talk all day about taking us out somewhere nice and then pick Le Madeline.

[Al_4_ISU 12452]

FIL and I got sent out to buy stuff for dinner. We ended up here (Cliff’s Place in Horton, IA). This won’t end well.

[Pato del Muerto 52487]

1 hour ago, Larry T. Spider said:

Well, we have an earlier than expected update. I went to load up the car and one tire is dead flat. Tried putting air in it but it was too punctured to be safe....on goes the spare. Now I’m sitting at discount for the next hour plus. No big deal, it’s still early and we are going to be at the in-laws for days.

Wrong. Church starts at 4:00 today. This, of course, means nothing to me. However, it is insanely important to controlling MIL who has lied about the start time in the past to have us there almost two hours early so that she can have her favorite seat.

Wife will expect me to drive home, change into church clothes, and drive like a bat out of hell to make it to church on time in another city. Does she care about church? Hell no. But go back to my first post. It’s all about appeasing MIL at all costs. If we somehow don’t make it we will get passive aggressive comments and attitude for days. Will at least make for better material on here.

You need to stall stall stall at discount so that there’s no way you can get where you are going in time for mass. If MIL is a bitch anyway, it shouldn’t change her disposition much. 

[G650 14244]

2 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

FIL and I got sent out to buy stuff for dinner. We ended up here (Cliff’s Place in Horton, IA). This won’t end well.

[4th&Five 41519]

split a sixer of Busch and a Super Sampler...sounds like a great xmas eve to me.

[hundredTT 577]

The wife and her sister had a stupid falling out over a comment about Sis in-law's kids being ungrateful. Now we are not going to her Xmas that she's hosting on Saturday - which is an all-day ordeal. I get to watch the college playoff in peace. Christmas miracles can happen people, you have to believe! 

[Guest Lobo]

Yeah, this Cliff's place in Iowa looks fucking awesome compared to the places I get sent out to.  There's nowhere in my in-laws town except a pizza place and the owner reports back to everyone in town how many beers each patron had, so that's a non-starter for me.  There is a small general store that sells alcohol, but also the same dilemma with the loud-mouth, judgmental Catholic owner. And there are no other retail businesses in a 20-mile radius.  So no sneaking away for a drink or anything like that.  So dammit, live it up at Cliff's Place for the rest of us Al!    

[Al_4_ISU 12452]

Apparently all these posts came through late. We were at the bar around 11. This may shock you, but there’s not shit for reception in Horton, Iowa. We just got back to the house, which reeks of weed because my BIL finally woke up.

FIL and I just got excused from having to go to church, but we have to make sure dinner is ready and not fucked up when the women return. The next step is digging a new fire pit closer to the house because it’s 50 degrees on Christmas Eve in Iowa, and everyone wants to hang out outside.

No one is bitching at us at all. My wife must have read MIL the riot act, because she’s being totally reasonable. I didn’t expect this at all, and apologize that I have nothing of note to contribute, despite a solid set up.

[MissingInAction 25014]

Just threw down shepherds pie and a double Jame-O at BD Rileys.. 

Going out to the sisters and idoit BILs to place tomorrow for a couple hours.

My mother is insisting I ride out there with them becuase she knows I am leaving as soon as pops gets drunk and abusive towards everyone.

Fuck that shit.

Showing up, eating, then GTFO.

Edited December 24, 2019 by MissingInAction

[Guest Lobo]

1 minute ago, MissingInAction said:

Just threw down shepherds pie and a double Jame-O at BD Rileys.. 

 

Hadn't thought about that place in a long time.  Probably my best Christmas between college and having my own family was in 2002.  My (at the time), fiance traveled back to her hometown with her sister; and I couldn't get off work enough time to go up and back by car (they have to drive because flying is a luxury that does not exist in Western Kansas).  Like this year, Christmas was on a Wed. and I had to be back at work on Thursday as a young guy down the corporate ladder.  So I stayed in Austin solo and I don't know how, ended up at B.D. Riley's on Christmas Eve.  And there was this family there, all of them Irish (some just by ancestry, others actually fresh off the plane from the Emerald Isle).  I was working a barstool in the way back and they were at that long table in the NW corner of the space.  Probably 10-12 of 'em and all around the same age.  I'm getting ready to head home and they invite me over for a drink so I oblige.  They explain their tradition to me, each year all the able bodied adults between 18-80 draw straws on Christmas Eve.  The two short straws have to stay back and watch all the kids.  The other adults all go out to a pub and get shitfaced and feast.  Then the whole lot go home and pass out and watch the kids the next morning open gifts.  I ended up drinking with them for another couple hours. 

The memory is getting foggier obviously but I don't remember them saying anything negative the whole time I was with him (good Irish folk keep it all bottled up inside).  I remember thinking what a bizarre family that they genuinely enjoyed being in one another's company.  But I think their ritual helped a lot, plus people tend (not always) to act nicer in public than in someone's home where they are constantly pointing out flaws.  Anyway, thanks for rekindling that memory.  Christmas is magical now with two wonderful little girls, but the family bullshit can pack up and go fuck itself.  +rep for the memory.

[MissingInAction 25014]

When I decide I have had enough of their bullshit I just stand up and leave. Passive aggressive bullshit mumbling behind my back as I walk out the door.

[Al_4_ISU 12452]

Yeah, this Cliff's place in Iowa looks fucking awesome compared to the places I get sent out to.  There's nowhere in my in-laws town except a pizza place and the owner reports back to everyone in town how many beers each patron had, so that's a non-starter for me.  There is a small general store that sells alcohol, but also the same dilemma with the loud-mouth, judgmental Catholic owner. And there are no other retail businesses in a 20-mile radius.  So no sneaking away for a drink or anything like that.  So dammit, live it up at Cliff's Place for the rest of us Al!    

I mean, the Bible Belt is warmer, but fuck this makes me thankful.

[nnm 36353]

3 hours ago, Lobo said:

I'll have to recommend it to my in-laws.  They love eating in chains wherever they go.  I can never get them to try anything good or adventuresome in Austin.  It's Pizza Hut, Subway, or iHOP every damn time.  I got them to at least try a Saltgrass years and years ago.  And they really like their food bland as hell.  Everything, especially the meat, always overcooked.  But they salt the shit out of everything.  They salt everything from eggs to vegetables before they cook them.  Then they add salt after the food has been plated and served.  And ketchup on everything, which I'm told contains salt.  Wife and I no longer give a shit about it, we just let them do the cooking when they visit, which is actually kinda nice though the meals are insanely redundant.  

If they’re from Nebraska, they slather Dorothy Lynch on it and call it gourmet. 

[MissingInAction 25014]

BIL is from Misspuri and he heats tortillas in the microwave  while in the original plastic packaging.

[Kavinsky 417]

My great aunt just asked if my nephew was still enlisted in the Navy, he's 12.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

My great aunt just asked if my nephew was still enlisted in the Navy, he's 12.

Perfection

[ABSR 5308]

56 minutes ago, hundredTT said:

The wife and her sister had a stupid falling out over a comment about Sis in-law's kids being ungrateful. Now we are not going to her Xmas that she's hosting on Saturday - which is an all-day ordeal. I get to watch the college playoff in peace. Christmas miracles can happen people, you have to believe! 

This is fools gold.  They will patch things up in time to ruin your Saturday football viewing.  
 

Moose our front should’a told ya.

[Al_4_ISU 12452]

Existing fire pit is close enough to the house. We aren’t building a new one. MIL is now whining about no one respecting her opinion.



Fuck it.

[freyguy 4264]

It's a continual requirement that MILs need to be told to shut the fuck up every hour or so.

[G650 14244]

33 minutes ago, Kavinsky said:

My great aunt just asked if my nephew was still enlisted in the Navy, he's 12.

Haaaaaa

[The Ace of Aces 5175]

Staying in the northeast this Christmas instead of the annual trek to either Longview, Houston or Austin. I am so excited for story time with Surly. 

Here, my wife has lost her voice as of yesterday and I have a case of Dogfish Head 90 minute IPA and a fresh bottle of Hendricks in the freezer ready to go. 

[Al_4_ISU 12452]

It's a continual requirement that MILs need to be told to shut the fuck up every hour or so.

Her exact words: “How will anyone be able to see all the way out there at night? If someone trips and sprains their ankle don’t blame me!”

Didn’t on plan on it.

[GhostOfTomJoad 9323]

I was just sent on an emergency run to Sprouts for butter & flour so Mrs. Ghost can continue her baking. First challenge was getting out of the neighborhood due to the constant flow of traffic heading down the street to Six Flags over Jesus. There are six services today. FML.

Sprouts was a madhouse. I got stuck in a line with a lady trying to pay for $38 worth of stuff with Sprouts gift cards. She had to use 3 different cards to cover the total. Over a half hour to make a 2-mile roundtrip for 2 items.

[G650 14244]

17 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

 

Her exact words: “How will anyone be able to see all the way out there at night? If someone trips and sprains their ankle don’t blame me!”

Didn’t on plan on it.

Tell her G650 is definitely going to blame her.

[Okie State 3815]

She seems like the obvious choice to blame.

[Okie State 3815]

I was just sent on an emergency run to Sprouts for butter & flour so Mrs. Ghost can continue her baking. First challenge was getting out of the neighborhood due to the constant flow of traffic heading down the street to Six Flags over Jesus. There are six services today. FML.
Sprouts was a madhouse. I got stuck in a line with a lady trying to pay for $38 worth of stuff with Sprouts gift cards. She had to use 3 different cards to cover the total. Over a half hour to make a 2-mile roundtrip for 2 items.

I usually volunteer for those runs just so I can get out of the house. Might as well swing by the booze store while you're out.

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

3 hours ago, Larry T. Spider said:

Well, we have an earlier than expected update. I went to load up the car and one tire is dead flat. Tried putting air in it but it was too punctured to be safe....on goes the spare. Now I’m sitting at discount for the next hour plus. No big deal, it’s still early and we are going to be at the in-laws for days.

Wrong. Church starts at 4:00 today. This, of course, means nothing to me. However, it is insanely important to controlling MIL who has lied about the start time in the past to have us there almost two hours early so that she can have her favorite seat.

Wife will expect me to drive home, change into church clothes, and drive like a bat out of hell to make it to church on time in another city. Does she care about church? Hell no. But go back to my first post. It’s all about appeasing MIL at all costs. If we somehow don’t make it we will get passive aggressive comments and attitude for days. Will at least make for better material on here.

The thing to do is this,

Larry T:  MIL, we're late, sorry.  If this is gonna be a big thing for the next few days, we'll be leaving immediately.  Merry Christmas.

[GhostOfTomJoad 9323]

Just now, Okie State said:

13 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

I was just sent on an emergency run to Sprouts for butter & flour so Mrs. Ghost can continue her baking. First challenge was getting out of the neighborhood due to the constant flow of traffic heading down the street to Six Flags over Jesus. There are six services today. FML.
Sprouts was a madhouse. I got stuck in a line with a lady trying to pay for $38 worth of stuff with Sprouts gift cards. She had to use 3 different cards to cover the total. Over a half hour to make a 2-mile roundtrip for 2 items.

I usually volunteer for those runs just so I can get out of the house. Might as well swing by the booze store while you're out.

Oh I absolutely volunteered even though it's just the two of us, a sleeping dog & 2 lazy cats in our house. If she had to go it would have taken her 2X as long which would of course be my fault for some reason.

I thought about grabbing a pint at the pub on the way home, but we're heading to the Drafthouse in a half our to go see It's a Wonderful Life. Definitely going to have some good beer there while watching the film. 

[HenryJames 66038]

1 hour ago, Al_4_ISU said:

I didn’t expect this at all, and apologize that I have nothing of note to contribute, despite a solid set up.

Is the dog at least still a complete fucking cunt?

[Al_4_ISU 12452]

Is the dog at least still a complete fucking cunt?

Yes. There have been multiple conversations today about how he’s “just jealous” of his owners and not completely insane.

However, it has quit attacking people and just snarls and barks incessantly. So, progress?

[wd40 1976]

32 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

I was just sent on an emergency run to Sprouts for a box of tampons and some Marlboro Lights so Mrs. Ghost can continue her baking. FML.

fixed for REK

[Sbbruin 21829]

1 hour ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Existing fire pit is close enough to the house. We aren’t building a new one. MIL is now whining about no one respecting her opinion.



Fuck it.

That’s a fire pit?  Looks like a pile of burning whatever burns.  Love the half-assedness.

[HenryJames 66038]

Looks like a funeral pyre for a snowman.

[Al_4_ISU 12452]

That’s a fire pit?  Looks like a pile of burning whatever burns.  Love the half-assedness.

Its a semi legit fire pit. Just had to burn off the pile of leaves and branches that had been raked on top of it

[Al_4_ISU 12452]

Looks like a funeral pyre for a snowman.

Spit my beer out at this

[MissingInAction 25014]

Circle of rocks fire pit.... almost as genius as using a spiral staircase to thwart coyote attacks.

[tbone_ 14113]

I hope you have a brick of black cats to throw in that fire.

[davidg 4036]

Existing fire pit is close enough to the house. We aren’t building a new one. MIL is now whining about no one respecting her opinion.



Fuck it.

Please post up a video when the drunkest fool tries to restart the fire with that can of gasoline in the background.

ER’s are fun places during the holidays.

[Al_4_ISU 12452]

Circle of rocks fire pit.... almost as genius as using a spiral staircase to thwart coyote attacks.

 

Those yellow eyed bastard come right through the screen door when they’re horny.

 

Besides, a fire pit that consists of anything more than a hastily assembled rock pile is putting on airs.

[Al_4_ISU 12452]

Nm

[Al_4_ISU 12452]

Fuck. I knew it was a trap. Fuck.

FIL and I went out to check deer stands. Wife calls. She’s heading to church (where she will meet her aunt, uncle, and grandpa who are all coming here later) solo. MIL has bailed on church to “make sure everything gets done”.

Here comes the Hail Mary cooking effort. Wish us luck