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Official 2019 bitch about family/holiday drama thread

Nice Guy Eddie

By Nice Guy Eddie
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Armybrat

Armybrat 40,822

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Posted
9 hours ago, Parliament said:

So I'm told my step mother's cousin (whoever he is) is "staying for awhile" with her and my dad. I'm gonna go ahead and say he's a recent parolee. Or worse.

I'm taking my dad and her out for dinner tomorrow night, and I may invite him, so I can chat him up and figure out wtf is all going on. I fully expect I'll be able to offer a meaningful contribution to this thread.

Zach Smith?

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MissingInAction

MissingInAction 25,013

Posted
Posted
17 minutes ago, Parliament said:
2 hours ago, luke duke said:


Just don’t expect him to make a meaningful contribution to paying the check.

It'll be worth it. I need to know exactly what kinda fuckup this guy is.

Watch his hands. If he has a hard time keeping them in place he is probably jonesing for his next fix. 

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Blotto

Blotto 23,490

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Posted

Staying at my sisters place in Boston. She and her husband are pretty well off and we are all aligned philosophically, politically, etc.... so usually no drama. I stay  on the top floor of their brownstone, which has a bedroom and a bath, but the bathroom is cramped as fuck(tiny shower and a shitter sized for a malnourished child). Being the team player that I am, I make do without complaints.

My flight this year  was delayed by about 2.5 hours after we boarded and I had to take a shit badly, but I elected not to destroy the JetBlue lav and the bathrooms at JetBlue's terminal at Logan can be a hazmat scene by 11 PM. Get dropped off at her place, exchange pleasantries, and race up to the jr. shitter which I basically fill to the brim. At this point I make the ghastly discovery......single ply toilet paper. What The Fuck??? The government cheese of toilet paper just staring at me. Who the fuck are these people  animals? Merry Xmas fam:

 

https://www.amazon.com/Charmin-Toilet-Family-Cushiony-Sheets/dp/B07H37NQTX/ref=sr_1_9?fst=as%3Aoff&keywords=toilet+paper&qid=1574872587&refinements=p_89%3ACharmin&rnid=2528832011&s=industrial&sr=1-9

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huge

huge 3,793

Posted
Posted
11 minutes ago, Blotto said:

Staying at my sisters place in Boston. She and her husband are pretty well off and we are all aligned philosophically, politically, etc.... so usually no drama. I stay  on the top floor of their brownstone, which has a bedroom and a bath, but the bathroom is cramped as fuck(tiny shower and a shitter sized for a malnourished child). Being the team player that I am, I make do without complaints.

My flight this year  was delayed by about 2.5 hours after we boarded and I had to take a shit badly, but I elected not to destroy the JetBlue lav and the bathrooms at JetBlue's terminal at Logan can be a hazmat scene by 11 PM. Get dropped off at her place, exchange pleasantries, and race up to the jr. shitter which I basically fill to the brim. At this point I make the ghastly discovery......single ply toilet paper. What The Fuck??? The government cheese of toilet paper just staring at me. Who the fuck are these people  animals? Merry Xmas fam:

 

https://www.amazon.com/Charmin-Toilet-Family-Cushiony-Sheets/dp/B07H37NQTX/ref=sr_1_9?fst=as%3Aoff&keywords=toilet+paper&qid=1574872587&refinements=p_89%3ACharmin&rnid=2528832011&s=industrial&sr=1-9

you should travel with cottonelle wipes in your shave bag

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nnm

nnm 36,353

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Posted
38 minutes ago, Blotto said:

Staying at my sisters place in Boston. She and her husband are pretty well off and we are all aligned philosophically, politically, etc.... so usually no drama. I stay  on the top floor of their brownstone, which has a bedroom and a bath, but the bathroom is cramped as fuck(tiny shower and a shitter sized for a malnourished child). Being the team player that I am, I make do without complaints.

My flight this year  was delayed by about 2.5 hours after we boarded and I had to take a shit badly, but I elected not to destroy the JetBlue lav and the bathrooms at JetBlue's terminal at Logan can be a hazmat scene by 11 PM. Get dropped off at her place, exchange pleasantries, and race up to the jr. shitter which I basically fill to the brim. At this point I make the ghastly discovery......single ply toilet paper. What The Fuck??? The government cheese of toilet paper just staring at me. Who the fuck are these people  animals? Merry Xmas fam:

 

https://www.amazon.com/Charmin-Toilet-Family-Cushiony-Sheets/dp/B07H37NQTX/ref=sr_1_9?fst=as%3Aoff&keywords=toilet+paper&qid=1574872587&refinements=p_89%3ACharmin&rnid=2528832011&s=industrial&sr=1-9

Bidet talk not going away. 

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Gil Bang

Gil Bang 25,921

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Posted
21 hours ago, Sandman said:

My sister and her husband are going to Branson this week, so I'm having my Dad come over on Saturday to do a thanksgiving/grandkids birthday party. I'm really looking forward to hearing about how Otto Graham and Wilt Chamberlain are far superior to the scrub athletes of today. For the 1000th time. This year.

I love my old man but he tells the same stories over and over again. 

He's not wrong, about Wilt anyway.  Motherfucker could light up the NBA today, all while getting more pussy than Motley Crue and Van Halen in their prime combined.

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Telegraph_it

Telegraph_it 3,357

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Blotto said:

Staying at my sisters place in Boston. She and her husband are pretty well off and we are all aligned philosophically, politically, etc.... so usually no drama. I stay  on the top floor of their brownstone, which has a bedroom and a bath, but the bathroom is cramped as fuck(tiny shower and a shitter sized for a malnourished child). Being the team player that I am, I make do without complaints.

My flight this year  was delayed by about 2.5 hours after we boarded and I had to take a shit badly, but I elected not to destroy the JetBlue lav and the bathrooms at JetBlue's terminal at Logan can be a hazmat scene by 11 PM. Get dropped off at her place, exchange pleasantries, and race up to the jr. shitter which I basically fill to the brim. At this point I make the ghastly discovery......single ply toilet paper. What The Fuck??? The government cheese of toilet paper just staring at me. Who the fuck are these people  animals? Merry Xmas fam:

 

https://www.amazon.com/Charmin-Toilet-Family-Cushiony-Sheets/dp/B07H37NQTX/ref=sr_1_9?fst=as%3Aoff&keywords=toilet+paper&qid=1574872587&refinements=p_89%3ACharmin&rnid=2528832011&s=industrial&sr=1-9

When I was dating my now wife she lived in a brownstone in Back Bay. The plumbing in that old building was not up to task one afternoon and the throne was completely clogged and almost overflowing.

I look around my confined quarters and did not see a plunger anywhere. I told the then girlfriend I was just shaving and needed to get some shaving cream. I proceeded to walk my sorry and potentially not completely cleaned ass down Newbury to buy a plunger from some hardware store. All they had were plastic bags so I walked back twirling a plunger like I was in color guard. 

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Onboard 2.0

Onboard 2.0 9,083

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Posted
1 hour ago, Paper_jam said:

Chocolate/mississippi mud pie > Pecan > Banana Cream > Apple > Blueberry > Coconut Cream > Cherry > Key Lime > Lemon > Pumpkin

 

 

 

 

I'd be switching a few of those (you've got apple waaaay too far down the bench,  but it's your list, and lists are all pretty damned subjective anyway.

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Droopy

Droopy 2,626

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Fucking kill me now. I have not read through the thread recently, so please forgive me if this a repeat of some other poor soul(s). 
 

what the fuck is up with all the diet bullshit?!?  I just was told 6 extra p pole are coming to dinner. Cool, ok. I wish I’d know sooner but family is family. “Oh wait, your putting butter on your turkey? I can’t do dairy.” “Oh, did you use milk in your cornbread for the dressing? Yeah that’s not going to work I’m doing whole 30.” “I’m only eating carnivor now, and so I brought all the stuff to make my own meat/dairy stuffing dessert and sides from one of meats cheese and pork rinds.”

look I’m all for people losing weight, in fact I encourage it, but what the fuck happened to people? How bout not eating 2 desserts after 2 large plates of food. Maybe mix in a walk daily. So tired of all the latest diet bullshit. I need a drink 🥃 

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Droopy

Droopy 2,626

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Just now, Parliament said:

It's your house and your kitchen. Cook exactly what you want, and only what you want. Don't be such a beta.

Did I say I wasn’t? They can all get bent, that’s exactly what I’m doing. They can forage in the backyard for all I care. I’ve told them I will cook a meal and they can eat what they like. I have nuts and they do not live in my wife’s purse. 

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Sandman

Sandman 3,403

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Wife and I went to dinner, then did some christmas shopping. Got home and we're just lounging. At 10:00PM, she realizes that she forgot to make the dessert for the thanksgiving lunch we're attending at her mom's house. Then she realizes she's out of eggs. I just stayed in my study, she's back from the store and still baking. 

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Longboard Horn

Longboard Horn 40,296

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Posted
On 11/24/2019 at 4:18 AM, Longboard Horn said:

I've been informed that we're not doing anything for Thanksgiving Day, but instead my oldest sister(who is pregnant) will be hosting "Thanksgiving" at her house on that following Saturday to do her gender reveal party. WTF is the purpose of a gender reveal party? Also, her mother is insisting that I bring a gift. Why the fuck would I bring a gift if I don't know the sex of the baby until the party? I have informed my step-sister and her mother that I'm not bringing a gift. Thank god sis is on my side with it.

Bumping this for the update.

It looks like I’ve dodged a huge bullet and won’t have to attend or put up with the nonsense. Sis texts me a few days ago letting me know that her gender reveal party is Saturday evening at 5. I tell her that I’m working that evening starting at 4:30(I work in the restaurant business) and probably can’t make it (which is great for me, won’t have to deal with any of that crap). She responds with, “oh, I’ll push the start time to 6pm, that way you have a better chance of making it.” I explain to her that I still can’t make it. Restaurant employees never know what time we get off and she’s definitely never worked service industry. She informs me today that they’re going to do to the gender reveal on Facebook live so I can watch. .....great.....

Had lunch with my brother in law yesterday and asked him what his thoughts are about sisters gender reveal party. He gives the perfect response: “man, fuck that party. You and I both know it’s all a bunch of bullshit. The only reason we’re having this is for all the women to sit around and cackle and gossip. I’m only putting up with this because it’ll make your sister happy.” Glad to know he’s on my side for it.

He also informed me that since I’m off during the day to come over and bring liquor since he knows I have a few bottles or makers and knob creek. I can’t wait to hear about how he was too drunk for the gender reveal. More updates to come by Saturday. Y’all have a happy thanksgiving!  

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Mrs Whiggins

Mrs Whiggins 13,050

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Happy Thanksgiving to all.

12 hours ago, G650 said:

Basically sweet potato anything is nectar of the gods

I'm baking the sweet potato casserole that has loads of butter, cream, and sugar with the nut and brown sugar topping. It is not low-cal nor nut free, but it is pretty yummy.

Since the pie talk switched to rankings, where does grasshopper pie fit into the equation? I ended up making a pumpkin and banana cream pies yesterday, plus cake. I couldn't get to the local place that has good pecans and forgot to remind the drivers in the household to swing by and grab some. So far, no drama.

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Onboard 2.0

Onboard 2.0 9,083

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Posted (edited)
5 minutes ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

I'm baking the sweet potato casserole that has loads of butter, cream, and sugar with the nut and brown sugar topping. It is not low-cal nor nut free, but it is pretty yummy.

Since the pie talk switched to rankings, where does grasshopper pie fit into the equation? I ended up making a pumpkin and banana cream pies yesterday, plus cake. I couldn't get to the local place that has good pecans and forgot to remind the drivers in the household to swing by and grab some. So far, no drama.

Pardon my redneck, but What in the hell is grasshopper pie ?

Edited by Onboard 2.0
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G650

G650 14,244

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Posted (edited)
13 minutes ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

m baking the sweet potato casserole that has loads of butter, cream, and sugar with the nut and brown sugar topping. It is not low-cal nor nut free, but it is pretty yummy.

Yeah we almost had a Thanksgiving catastrophe this year. My aunt always makes the sweet potato casserole, and she isn't attending. Thankfully my mom got the recipe so disaster was averted. I also got it for safe keeping myself.

Edited by G650
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Onboard 2.0

Onboard 2.0 9,083

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Posted
19 minutes ago, G650 said:

Yeah we almost had a Thanksgiving catastrophe this year. My aunt always makes the sweet potato casserole, and she isn't attending. Thankfully my mom got the recipe so disaster was averted. I also got it for safe keeping myself.

The trick is knowing what caterers around town make really great, homemade quality, sides: collards, casseroles, breads, desserts, etc to fill in the missing pieces when rude relatives die off or miss the gig.

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Mrs Whiggins

Mrs Whiggins 13,050

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Posted
24 minutes ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

Pardon my redneck, but What in the hell is grasshopper pie ?

There are two different versions. One is made with mint chip ice cream to which other ingredients have been added. The traditional is made with marshmallow creme (either homemade or from a jar), creme de menthe and creme de cacao liquors, and heavy cream. Both pies have an Oreo crumble crust. Green food coloring tints the filling so often this is a spring time pie.

Here is the recipe from the Pioneer Woman:

https://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/grasshopper-pie/

This is one that uses cream cheese, sweetened condensed milk and Cool Whip. I haven't tried making it that way, because sometimes SCM can make things too sweet and it doesn't have the liquor.

https://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/grasshopper-pie/

Image result for grasshopper pie

I have also had a version of grasshopper cheesecake with drizzled chocolate that is pretty tasty.

 

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Mrs Whiggins

Mrs Whiggins 13,050

Posted
Posted
6 minutes ago, Parliament said:
35 minutes ago, Onboard 2.0 said:
Pardon my redneck, but What in the hell is grasshopper pie ?

2019 pie talk not going away.

It's like pregame with the talking heads and the people holding up signs. You have to wait for the good stuff to come along after the players start playing the game.

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Onboard 2.0

Onboard 2.0 9,083

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Posted (edited)
4 minutes ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

There are two different versions. One is made with mint chip ice cream to which other ingredients have been added. The traditional is made with marshmallow creme (either homemade or from a jar), creme de menthe and creme de cacao liquors, and heavy cream. Both pies have an Oreo crumble crust. Green food coloring tints the filling so often this is a spring time pie.

Here is the recipe from the Pioneer Woman:

https://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/grasshopper-pie/

This is one that uses cream cheese, sweetened condensed milk and Cool Whip. I haven't tried making it that way, because sometimes SCM can make things too sweet and it doesn't have the liquor.

https://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/grasshopper-pie/

Image result for grasshopper pie

I have also had a version of grasshopper cheesecake with drizzled chocolate that is pretty tasty.

 

That looks amazing.  I figured creme de cacao had to be an ingredient, made with dark chocolate, it's made with dark chocolate right, please let it be made with dark chocolate..  

Much obliged.

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Mrs Whiggins

Mrs Whiggins 13,050

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I haven't made it with dark chocolate, but it could be done, certainly. Adapting recipes to personal tastes is very important and how family treasures are made. I discovered that the Keebler graham crackers I was using in cheesecake crusts were too sweet for our family's liking and that Kroger store brand were less so. Made a big difference. My spouse doesn't like things too sweet so when I make cherry pie, for example, I use a lot less sugar than the recipe calls for but enough that it still holds the cherries together and makes the juicy syrup that everyone likes. Same with apples, although I probably like apple crisp a little  more than apple pie because of the oatmeal crumble. On a cold winter evening (for Texas anyway), that hits the spot.

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GhostOfTomJoad

GhostOfTomJoad 9,323

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Posted

Dammit, Mrs Whiggins has got me jonesing for grasshopper pie right now. 

Chill Thanksgiving is still intact. I've been on vacation since Tuesday so I spent yesterday cleaning & making the cornbread for the dressing. Mrs. Ghost made a couple sides yesterday afternoon before we went to the Drafthouse to see Ford v. Ferrari (very good film). The dog's walked, coffee's on, fireplace is lit, and our fattest cat is holding my lap down as I type this. Sister & family get here around 3PM. Food will be fine, and just pulling for my numbers in the Bills/Dallas game (Dallas 8, Buffalo 1) for a tasty $750 pot.

Cheers y'all.

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Loco

Loco 3,752

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Posted
47 minutes ago, G650 said:

Yeah we almost had a Thanksgiving catastrophe this year. My aunt always makes the sweet potato casserole, and she isn't attending. Thankfully my mom got the recipe so disaster was averted. I also got it for safe keeping myself.

You think she gave up the real recipe?  Oh you sweet summer child.

 

For the last 20-ish years I have been attending a Twilight zone Thanksgiving.  The food ranges from stuff I wouldn't feed to a dog (the worst oyster stuffing imaginable) to really really good Sushi...  Yup there's always sushi, a whole party sized boat of sushi.. sometimes prime rib, always dry turkey, but the roast duck is fan fucking-tastic.  The atmosphere is TIGHT.  Card tables, folding chairs, plastic "cutlery" of various structural qualities.  Try eating dry turkey with a plastic knife and fork on a paper plate while sitting on a low couch with your girlfriend's family that you just met for the first time.  Some years football is on, but some years it's karaoke.  After dinner there is the traditional looking through the sale flyers (although that's been changing lately) and arguing about the rules for this year's xmas white elephant gift exchange...  and the rules byzantine AF.

It never feels traditional and it's as far from Rockwell as you can get.  Although the prayer before dinner has been stretching into Stairway to Heaven territory.  It's loud, it's crowded, logistics dictate that no one you know will be eating at the same time you are...or even near you...  that's ok just shout at them...  everyone else is.  Most years it's around 35 people in a smallish 3 bedroom...  you need to arrive early to get a parking spot, but not too early so that you are parked in.

Everyone is kind, thoughtful, and there isn't even a whiff of stiff tradition or pretentiousness. (having a disco ball in your living room assures that)and the sweet potato casserole has a criminally generous sweat potato/marshmallow ratio.  It's almost as thin as a thick pizza.  Eat, mingle, drink (for what ever reason always expensive brandy/cognac) and escape.   I guess this is my new normal.  

Happy Thanksgiving!

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