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Official 2019 bitch about family/holiday drama thread

Nice Guy Eddie

By Nice Guy Eddie
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ocugolf
ocugolf

My mother decided Thanksgiving was the perfect time to buy new doors. So, they took the old ones and put them in one of their rent houses. Problem is that they didn’t have time to get the new doors st

Larry T. Spider
Larry T. Spider

Today is a day that will live in infamy. 5 brave people stood up to a reign of terror than has lasted well over 30 years. The 3 children of MIL decided that no more shit will be taken and the the

NeverMarryAStripper
NeverMarryAStripper

I’m up at the ranch with my mom, siblings, and all of our extended families. It’s about 30 people in all, just like very year. This year mom finally decided she was too old to be in charge of the co

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Mrs Whiggins

Mrs Whiggins 13050

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1 hour ago, G650 said:

Yeah we almost had a Thanksgiving catastrophe this year. My aunt always makes the sweet potato casserole, and she isn't attending. Thankfully my mom got the recipe so disaster was averted. I also got it for safe keeping myself.

 

16 minutes ago, Loco said:

You think she gave up the real recipe?  Oh you sweet summer child.

Recipes are power. They can ensure the connection between people ("someone call Grandma, I can't remember how much sage to put in the dressing"), they can be held over someone as an example ("Maybelle never makes the deviled eggs the right way like I taught her."), and they can ensure that everyone speaks of you after you have passed from this earthly life (I'm going to go with fond remembrances of dishes served as opposed to the "Praise the Lord I won't ever have to eat that dry husk of meatloaf again.").

With the addition of the World Wide Web, recipes are everywhere, so that power has been a little diluted (although copyright considerations are probably a big deal for inventors of unique fare). I'm a benevolent sort, so I try and share recipes with immediate family without reservation.

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LTbear

LTbear 4213

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On 11/26/2019 at 5:50 AM, Knoxtnhorn said:

Well, I screwed up.  Thanks Tom.  I got pissy and drunk after the Baylor debacle.  My wife was pissed off because she just found out her mother had purchased airline tickets to visit over Christmas w/o asking.  She'll be here the 23rd through 30th.  Problem?  We're hosting friends the 23rd and 24th, then heading to TN for a week - to the SAME GD PLACE HER MOTHER LIVES.  (My daughter goes to MTSU; most of wife's family lives in Nashville/Clarksville.)  We've done this same routine EVERY FUCKING YEAR SINCE 1997.  So now my wife feels extremely guilty.  In my drunken stupor I told my wife not to worry about it because her mom is kind of a "beeeottchhh".  That didn't go over very well.

jack nicholson yes GIF

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luke duke

luke duke 6449

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You think she gave up the real recipe?  Oh you sweet summer child.
 
For the last 20-ish years I have been attending a Twilight zone Thanksgiving.  The food ranges from stuff I wouldn't feed to a dog (the worst oyster stuffing imaginable) to really really good Sushi...  Yup there's always sushi, a whole party sized boat of sushi.. sometimes prime rib, always dry turkey, but the roast duck is fan fucking-tastic.  The atmosphere is TIGHT.  Card tables, folding chairs, plastic "cutlery" of various structural qualities.  Try eating dry turkey with a plastic knife and fork on a paper plate while sitting on a low couch with your girlfriend's family that you just met for the first time.  Some years football is on, but some years it's karaoke.  After dinner there is the traditional looking through the sale flyers (although that's been changing lately) and arguing about the rules for this year's xmas white elephant gift exchange...  and the rules byzantine AF.
It never feels traditional and it's as far from Rockwell as you can get.  Although the prayer before dinner has been stretching into Stairway to Heaven territory.  It's loud, it's crowded, logistics dictate that no one you know will be eating at the same time you are...or even near you...  that's ok just shout at them...  everyone else is.  Most years it's around 35 people in a smallish 3 bedroom...  you need to arrive early to get a parking spot, but not too early so that you are parked in.
Everyone is kind, thoughtful, and there isn't even a whiff of stiff tradition or pretentiousness. (having a disco ball in your living room assures that)and the sweet potato casserole has a criminally generous sweat potato/marshmallow ratio.  It's almost as thin as a thick pizza.  Eat, mingle, drink (for what ever reason always expensive brandy/cognac) and escape.   I guess this is my new normal.  
Happy Thanksgiving!


Braggart
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Loco

Loco 3754

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8 minutes ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

 

Recipes are power.

Yup, that's why more often than not, you'll get 98% of it and the magic 2% (technique/ingredient)  is held in reserve so they can look like a cooking wizard.   I have some hand written recipes from my grandmother...  it's not the same and it's not love that's missing.   I think that your chances of getting the correct full recipe and much less likely than you think.

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8975

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We're hosting my inlaws side this yr.

Sil and her kids are pickiest eaters on earth. Sil has the appetite of a 6 yr old, her kids copy her. She doesnt like onion so MIL has to change her old small town NoDak gravy ways. Sil will fill her plate up to start eating first while my MIL has to talk her grankids through the food line what they want on their plate.

Bil had his gallbladder removed a month ago so we have no idea what he can eat besides broccoli. Mil was going to pick up frozen brocolli at store. He doesnt eat frozen brocolli apparently so she folded and picked him up fresh.

Theyre probably bringing zero dishes over. Cheapest people on earth. Also im anticipating all 4 members wont bring their dirty dishes to sink when done. Other than that theyre good people....until im sick of them by the cowboys kick off. At least theyre not staying with us for 3 days like earlier this decade

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G650

G650 14437

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1 hour ago, Loco said:

You think she gave up the real recipe?  Oh you sweet summer child.

Uh, no. My mom gave it to me. She is also the one that gave it to my aunt 40 years ago.

 

But generally I am the family recipe box. I'm the only one that truly lives to cook in my generation, so they are all compelled to entrust me with the recipes so they will live on. I'm the only one who got my Paps mashed potatoes recipe before he passed.

Funny enough my aunt and I had a standing agreement that I'd always supply the mashed potatoes if she supplied sweet potato casserole.

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G650

G650 14437

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2 hours ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

It's like pregame with the talking heads and the people holding up signs. You have to wait for the good stuff to come along after the players start playing the game.

Damn right. Getting amped for some family catastrophe up in this bitch

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G650

G650 14437

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28 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

But we did find out this year that my widowed step mother (dad passed away 10 years ago today) is now apparently dating her cousin. So there’s that.

Not naming names in my family, but we may or may not be dealing with a certain relative with this situation

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Loco

Loco 3754

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4 minutes ago, G650 said:

Uh, no. My mom gave it to me. She is also the one that gave it to my aunt 40 years ago.

 

But generally I am the family recipe box. I'm the only one that truly lives to cook in my generation, so they are all compelled to entrust me with the recipes so they will live on. I'm the only one who got my Paps mashed potatoes recipe before he passed.

Funny enough my aunt and I had a standing agreement that I'd always supply the mashed potatoes if she supplied sweet potato casserole.

Well that's great for you...   I'd kill all you fools with a spoon for one of my Grandmother's Apricot fried pies...  Each grandkid/aunt got a different recipe from the old bird...  with subtle changes..  of course she didn't have a written recipe so that might explain some of it...   But the aunts are convinced she took it to the grave...  lots of the recipes have directions like "till it looks right"  or "enough to be good"   When pressed for details she'd say "oh you'll get the hang of it...."   /change subject 

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luke duke

luke duke 6449

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My MIL asked me to handle the turkey this year. I declined her offer to procure the turkey since I knew that it would be the cheapest one that she could find and that it would likely be half-frozen and unbrined when I arrived.

So far this morning she has questioned every aspect of the turkey preparation.

Where did you get it?
Central Market.

Did you thaw it properly?
It’s never been frozen.

Did you transport it properly?
Yes. See that big cooler of ice over there...

Why isn’t it brined?
I dry brined it. Look it up.

Make sure you don’t undercook it.
In a slow year, I cook for over 1000 people. I know what I’m doing.

Why are you drinking so early?
f01330759275bdc05ac1b48d32a2d873.jpg

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G650

G650 14437

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39 minutes ago, Loco said:

Well that's great for you...   I'd kill all you fools with a spoon for one of my Grandmother's Apricot fried pies...  Each grandkid/aunt got a different recipe from the old bird...  with subtle changes..  of course she didn't have a written recipe so that might explain some of it...   But the aunts are convinced she took it to the grave...  lots of the recipes have directions like "till it looks right"  or "enough to be good"   When pressed for details she'd say "oh you'll get the hang of it...."   /change subject 

What kind of communist writes down a recipe.

 

Meanwhile, just finished KP duty. At least the view is good.

 

20191128-101206.jpg

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Nice Guy Eddie

Nice Guy Eddie 13725

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On 11/26/2019 at 11:12 PM, Parliament said:

So I'm told my step mother's cousin (whoever he is) is "staying for awhile" with her and my dad. I'm gonna go ahead and say he's a recent parolee. Or worse.

I'm taking my dad and her out for dinner tomorrow night, and I may invite him, so I can chat him up and figure out wtf is all going on. I fully expect I'll be able to offer a meaningful contribution to this thread.

Maybe dad and step-mom are the only relatives that live the requisite distance from schools.

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nnm

nnm 37896

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3 hours ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

I haven't made it with dark chocolate, but it could be done, certainly. Adapting recipes to personal tastes is very important and how family treasures are made. I discovered that the Keebler graham crackers I was using in cheesecake crusts were too sweet for our family's liking and that Kroger store brand were less so. Made a big difference. My spouse doesn't like things too sweet so when I make cherry pie, for example, I use a lot less sugar than the recipe calls for but enough that it still holds the cherries together and makes the juicy syrup that everyone likes. Same with apples, although I probably like apple crisp a little  more than apple pie because of the oatmeal crumble. On a cold winter evening (for Texas anyway), that hits the spot.

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Parliament

Parliament 14593

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Maybe dad and step-mom are the only relatives that live the requisite distance from schools.

36 years old. Fairly recently divorced and had a recent falling out with his family and left their electrician business. Mom and grandmother have disowned him. Has "anger issues." Will start his new job as an electrician the local refinery next week and "will be out of the house by Christmas." Very fidgity and nervous-like. Goes outside to sit in his pickup to smoke hand-rolled cigarettes every 20 minutes. Does not smell like drugs. (Can you mix MJ with actual tobacco to cover the smell?)

 

I'm not gonna see him the rest of this trip. I had hoped to have more for you guys and I do not. Maybe Christmas I'll get more.

 

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Telegraph_it

Telegraph_it 3379

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This is the seventh Thanksgiving in a row where the wife and I are doing two Thanksgivings in the same day. We have learned over the years to start fasting around 8 PM the night prior. I’m on my third cup of coffee to keep the hunger away.
 

The first round will be at two with the in laws and wife’s extended family. We always go out to some fancy buffet for the meal. It is all but guaranteed that my wife’s aunt, uncle, and cousins will be at least thirty minutes late which means we sit around making small talk while I stare at the prime rib and crab legs just sitting there.
 

Once they do arrive we get to hear about all of the cousins achievements from the year. To be fair the older cousin is a genius. She had multiple scholarship offers, to multiple Ivy League schools, but at her families coaxing she went to Aggie. Complete lost. She is coasting through with a 4.0 and has bought into all the Aggie misinformation  

This year my wife’s Brother is not in attendance since he is with his in laws out in West Texas. I’m sure it will be a sob story like it is every year when it isn’t their turn. 
 

From there it is directly to my parent’s house where I have to find room for more food. Unfortunately no one in my family is a screw up and we all get along so nothing real exciting to write about  

Also, starting this pecan pie is making the hunger real.

030-EFADB-FB9-A-4643-A9-B2-C25-CDDE6-AA7
 

 

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nnm

nnm 37896

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Just finished the FW Turkey Trot. Only one of my family that did it with me this year was my 24-yo daughter (no pics), who remembers me pushing her in the jogging stroller in turkey trots when she was little. Great way to start the day. Happy Thanksgiving, y’all. 

My thanksgiving will be drama free. Because of our ruined ovens (see the “stupid things wives do” thread for details, linked below), we’re doing Tgiving at my daughter’s.  Looking forward to hearing the drama from y’all’s get togethers.  Some of the setups in this thread are very promising.

 

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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 22277

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I’m up at the ranch with my mom, siblings, and all of our extended families. It’s about 30 people in all, just like very year. This year mom finally decided she was too old to be in charge of the cooking and appointed my sister her successor. After the kitchen fire this morning my sister broke down and cried saying she couldn’t cook, didn’t like to cook, and it wasn’t fair. I’m not sure if we’re having Thanksgiving now or not.

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G650

G650 14437

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1 minute ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I’m up at the ranch with my mom, siblings, and all of our extended families. It’s about 30 people in all, just like very year. This year mom finally decided she was too old to be in charge of the cooking and appointed my sister her successor. After the kitchen fire this morning my sister broke down and cried saying she couldn’t cook, didn’t like to cook, and it wasn’t fair. I’m not sure if we’re having Thanksgiving now or not.

Straight to my veins.

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nnm

nnm 37896

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6 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I’m up at the ranch with my mom, siblings, and all of our extended families. It’s about 30 people in all, just like very year. This year mom finally decided she was too old to be in charge of the cooking and appointed my sister her successor. After the kitchen fire this morning my sister broke down and cried saying she couldn’t cook, didn’t like to cook, and it wasn’t fair. I’m not sure if we’re having Thanksgiving now or not.

This is the content I’m here for. Looking forward to the updates. Very very promising. 

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Sbbruin

Sbbruin 22142

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5 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I’m up at the ranch with my mom, siblings, and all of our extended families. It’s about 30 people in all, just like very year. This year mom finally decided she was too old to be in charge of the cooking and appointed my sister her successor. After the kitchen fire this morning my sister broke down and cried saying she couldn’t cook, didn’t like to cook, and it wasn’t fair. I’m not sure if we’re having Thanksgiving now or not.

This is what this thread is all about.  Fuck pie talk (except splaining what grasshopper pie is).

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Johnny Sack

Johnny Sack 8397

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7 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I’m up at the ranch with my mom, siblings, and all of our extended families. It’s about 30 people in all, just like very year. This year mom finally decided she was too old to be in charge of the cooking and appointed my sister her successor. After the kitchen fire this morning my sister broke down and cried saying she couldn’t cook, didn’t like to cook, and it wasn’t fair. I’m not sure if we’re having Thanksgiving now or not.

Go pop a couple doe and grill a few back straps.  Win.  Win. 

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8975

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I’m up at the ranch with my mom, siblings, and all of our extended families. It’s about 30 people in all, just like very year. This year mom finally decided she was too old to be in charge of the cooking and appointed my sister her successor. After the kitchen fire this morning my sister broke down and cried saying she couldn’t cook, didn’t like to cook, and it wasn’t fair. I’m not sure if we’re having Thanksgiving now or not.

 

Did mom come out of retirement, MJ style?

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Hook1997

Hook1997 5509

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Posted (edited)

I’m going to my redneck brother in laws which is always a opportunity for stupid or crazy shit.  My favorite quote of his was At Christmas a few years back, him talking to his son about a truck they were fixing up for him when he gets his license.  “Boy you better pass summer school cause you ain’t driving to junior high”.  They are dumb as a block of bricks.  

Edited by Hook1997
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Mrs Whiggins

Mrs Whiggins 13050

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Now pregame is over and we are getting into the first quarter. Kitchen fires and toxic oven meltdowns are good for midfield, the most I can claim is a garbage disposal that is acting petulant.

2 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

She doesnt like onion so MIL has to change her old small town NoDak gravy ways.

No gravy? That's blasphemy right there. I can talk gravy better than Bubba does shrimp. I learned gravy from my grammy. You got your giblet gravy, your roast beef gravy, milk gravy, sausage gravy, paprika gravy....

2 hours ago, Loco said:

Well that's great for you...   I'd kill all you fools with a spoon for one of my Grandmother's Apricot fried pies... 

Are you from Oklahoma? Best fried pies are in the Arbuckle Mtns area. My husband's favorite is apricot.

@Sbbruin for the grasshopper pie explanation- go back one page towards the bottom. I posted a description, photo and links.

Dressing is in the oven, sweet potato casserole is up next. Will check back in for more drama.

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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12623

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36 years old. Fairly recently divorced and had a recent falling out with his family and left their electrician business. Mom and grandmother have disowned him. Has "anger issues." Will start his new job as an electrician the local refinery next week and "will be out of the house by Christmas." Very fidgity and nervous-like. Goes outside to sit in his pickup to smoke hand-rolled cigarettes every 20 minutes. Does not smell like drugs. (Can you mix MJ with actual tobacco to cover the smell?) 
I'm not gonna see him the rest of this trip. I had hoped to have more for you guys and I do not. Maybe Christmas I'll get more.
 


You can mix weed with hand rolled tobacco and it definitely lessens the odor
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Armybrat

Armybrat 41388

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4 hours ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

I haven't made it with dark chocolate, but it could be done, certainly. Adapting recipes to personal tastes is very important and how family treasures are made. I discovered that the Keebler graham crackers I was using in cheesecake crusts were too sweet for our family's liking and that Kroger store brand were less so. Made a big difference. My spouse doesn't like things too sweet so when I make cherry pie, for example, I use a lot less sugar than the recipe calls for but enough that it still holds the cherries together and makes the juicy syrup that everyone likes. Same with apples, although I probably like apple crisp a little  more than apple pie because of the oatmeal crumble. On a cold winter evening (for Texas anyway), that hits the spot.

My mom picked up a simple ice cream dessert recipe when we lived in New Orleans during the 1945 holidays.

Each serving consists of a large scoop of a premium vanilla ice cream placed in a cocktail glass that has a half an ounce or a little more of creme de menthe in the bottom. Put it in the freezer. When time to serve, take it out and drizzle some chocolate syrup over it with a cherry on top. Chopped pecans sprinkled on top are an option.

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