Last Jedi Was So Bad I Only Saw It Twice

[mulletpelini 5211]

no ewoks?  Fuck that shit.

[Hate 20108]

Part of me would be amused if JJ just finishes the troll job.
 
Music plays, something scrolls and we pick up the action immediately where we left off. The Falcon is flying along in space. Rey, Finn and CGI Leia are all in a deep conversation about the Resistance’s next move.
 
SUDDENLY the hyperdrive gives out on the Falcon for the last time and in a flash a First Order ship is on them and blows them all to hell with a turbo laser barrage.
 
Roll credits
 
The audience sitting there in stunned silence as credits end.
 
All of a sudden we see Kylo Ren standing there shirtless in a towel outside a First Order bathroom.
 
“You’re still here? It’s over, we won, go home....go”
 
Steps back into the bathroom
 
Screen goes black.
 
 

Danke schoen, darling, danke schoen

[Murfdogg21 4412]

And it all started with an orphan boy who liked pod racing. It ends with his grandson nuking the universe and enjoying a nice steam bath. Fin(n).

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

32 minutes ago, Murfdogg21 said:

And it all started with an orphan boy who liked pod racing.

he wasn't an orphan, he was a bastard

[Nivek 16930]

3 hours ago, SwanderedTalent said:

he wasn't an orphan, he was a bastard

He was immaculately conceived if I recall correctly.

The original movies were not great acting.  Luke and Leia were the weak links.  The dialog is campy.  Referring to Chewie as Walking Carpet is a cunty thing to say.  The fun was in the magic of the setting and the editing and a wonderful villain.   The movie borrows from a Kurosawa film (Hidden Fortress) a little.  

The prequals featured better acting overall (outside of the Anikens) and featured more campiness, same crap dialogue, awkward scenes between Ani-Padme.  The story was there but not fleshed out well.   And if I recall correctly, Lucas's original movie was a disaster without some expert editing to make it cohesive.  I wonder if this was an issue here as well.  

The latest movies suffer from a recycling of the first film in attempt to capitalize on nostalgia too much.   The acting is overall better, but the characters are less interesting.  Rose going stage 5 clinger after meeting Finn is crazed.  Not letting him sacrifice himself for the army was a mistake.   The physics of the film are way the fuck off (bombers, stabilizing flight with a tailhook)  and the overskilled characters is stupid.   The mystique of the force is weakened by Rey and Snoke.  Luke returns to being whiny.    The resistance born from the rebels and first order seems crazed.  The rebels overthrew the imperials who usurped the galactic republic.   So the first order comes out of nowhere and is more powerful?  The republic/rebels what happened?  The resistance and the first order are fighting for scraps it seems.    Ultimately, before they wrote a new story, they should have received guidelines about the universe, the mystique of the force and the back story, and forced to play the games and then come up with a story.  instead it appears they watched a little of the first films and then just said 'fuck it' we'll do whatever we want and the fans will have to adjust.   

It has never been high art.  but imagine if game of thrones suddenly featured Rob Snow dying, the dragons dying, the night king being killed by a spell from a random red witch who takes over and the queen of dragons suddenly becomes an obese Asian woman.  Oh and the lanisters are just ignored.     

[Surly Bevo 24908]

Maybe Topher Grace should be allowed in the editing room....

 

[Drew 2408]

On ‎2‎/‎19‎/‎2019 at 9:48 PM, Colonel Sanders said:

I think there are many like me who actually enjoyed TFA and RO but hated TLJ.  At least those movies were fun and the plots made sense.  I'm not sure why if one hates TLJ they are anti Star Wars or Disney.  

That's fair.  But for someone reason if  you didn't absolutely HATE Last Jedi, than you're some kind of idiot.  So there's room for improvement on both fronts.

On ‎2‎/‎19‎/‎2019 at 9:51 PM, mdmost said:

Lots of ruining Star Wars talk on this thread and the one that preceded it on Shaggy.. It just seems this cycle goes around again and again every few months. So I'm assuming when the new trailer comes out we'll get another round of how awful TLJ was and how Disney ruined things. Who knows, maybe it just blows people away.

Yep.  I certainly can understand there have been some missteps, and why some people wouldn't like what they've done.

But I'll continue to say what they did with Rebels is some of the best Star Wars I've seen, and while Resistance started off really weak, it has found it's footing late in season 1(much like Rebels did), and that Clone Wars, which most Star Wars Nerds hold up to some impossible standard, wasn't good at all in the season 1, and some of Season 2.  People actually HATED Ahsoka...who's now one of the most beloved characters in the entire SW universe.

 

On ‎2‎/‎20‎/‎2019 at 8:02 PM, mulletpelini said:

no ewoks?  Fuck that shit.

Knew you could resist.  Ewok Fucker.

[mulletpelini 5211]

On 3/2/2019 at 1:49 PM, Drew said:

People actually HATED Ahsoka...who's now one of the most beloved characters in the entire SW universe.

who?

[Drew 2408]

If she was 3 ft tall and covered in fur you'd know who she is.

[mulletpelini 5211]

You can't spin this back on me drew.  Everyone who knows, knows you pissed on your ewok doll in the corner of your room.

[Dolemite 143]

I am watched Rogue One at least 5 times and it is my favorite star wars movie. 

[Eskimohorn 5635]

I am watched Rogue One at least 5 times and it is my favorite star wars movie. 

How cute [pats boy on head]

[Dolemite 143]

[Drew 2408]

On ‎3‎/‎8‎/‎2019 at 3:09 AM, mulletpelini said:

You can't spin this back on me drew.  Everyone who knows, knows you pissed on your ewok doll in the corner of your room.

We ALL know RoTJ is you favorite movie and only because you still sleep with your teddy bears and cuddle with one called Wicket every night.

[Buzzrock 14920]

Probably already posted, but hard to rebut this breakdown:

I didn’t hate it as much as some initially, but I like it less and less and time goes on. Which is too bad.

[Hate 20108]

Couldn’t agree more with all of that.

[mulletpelini 5211]

"get your head out of your cockpit" 

so fucking terrible, even Lucas wouldn't have put that in a movie.

[Jersey Man10 3532]

Do you even "Not fighting what we hate. Saving what we love" bro?

 

 

[closetojumping 62729]

Just wanted to chime in that TLJ fucking sucked and you could see that in the previews. It was fucking insulting. The prequels all fucking sucked as well. I don’t hate the Star Wars or Disney element when done well, but they’ve forsaken their audience now for some time. 

That all brings to the guarantee that the next one is also going to absolutely suck. The preview is so boring, it’s mindnumbing. They’re not even trying.  It’s like a latter Stephen King novel. Just pumping out crap to a bleating audience. 

@SydneyCarton

[SydneyCarton 48106]

1 minute ago, closetojumping said:

Just wanted to chime in that TLJ fucking sucked and you could see that in the previews. It was fucking insulting. The prequels all fucking sucked as well. I don’t hate the Star Wars or Disney element when done well, but they’ve forsaken their audience now for some time. 

That all brings to the guarantee that the next one is also going to absolutely suck. The preview is so boring, it’s mindnumbing. They’re not even trying.  It’s like a latter Stephen King novel. Just pumping out crap to a bleating audience. 

@SydneyCarton

This has the potential to create yet another feather in the cap of your film and television shot calling, in true baller fashion. Lest we forget the certainty with which you told everyone who would listen that Venom was going to be one of the best movies of the year, and the trailer looked to be the work of masterpieces. "The only comic book movie that will be worth seeing in the last 15 years" you said, scribbling notes furiously in your Big Chief Indian Tablet. Or your insistence that Season 2 of True Detective was going to suck massive Donkey Balls. The only problem is, that when everyone agreed with you, you felt the need to tell everyone after the fact just how wrong they were, and that it was actually underrated and in many ways superior to season 1. 

Yes, I did believe The Last Jedi trailer looked good. Yes, the movie was one of the more offensive things I've seen this side of Jar Jar Binks or you attempting humility. But I sir, I have faith. Faith the the echoes of young, skinny George Lucas will be resurrected into an amazing, glorious crescendo in what will be an unquestionable tour de force from JJ Abrams. The movie will be so good that you yourself will shell out a small fortune to attend Star Wars Land at Disney once you see this exceptional film. It will succeed despite the fact that Poe & Finn: Desert Pirates looks cheesy as fuck. Despite the fact that the trailer is slightly less interesting than watching the drying paint I have graffiti'd to the side of your office and your vehicle (It's a dick, in case you were wondering). It will succeed in spite of all of that, sir, because much like an orange ding dong sometimes nostalgia can make up for a bunch of pre-packed, nasty AF garbage. 

It just didn't for The Last Jedi, so you know, coin flip says this one is better. 

[Drew 2408]

Lulz at TLJ being offensive.  Oh you guys!

[nineliveslost 2760]

It's piss

[closetojumping 62729]

1 hour ago, SydneyCarton said:

This has the potential to create yet another feather in the cap of your film and television shot calling, in true baller fashion. Lest we forget the certainty with which you told everyone who would listen that Venom was going to be one of the best movies of the year, and the trailer looked to be the work of masterpieces. "The only comic book movie that will be worth seeing in the last 15 years" you said, scribbling notes furiously in your Big Chief Indian Tablet. Or your insistence that Season 2 of True Detective was going to suck massive Donkey Balls. The only problem is, that when everyone agreed with you, you felt the need to tell everyone after the fact just how wrong they were, and that it was actually underrated and in many ways superior to season 1. 

Yes, I did believe The Last Jedi trailer looked good. Yes, the movie was one of the more offensive things I've seen this side of Jar Jar Binks or you attempting humility. But I sir, I have faith. Faith the the echoes of young, skinny George Lucas will be resurrected into an amazing, glorious crescendo in what will be an unquestionable tour de force from JJ Abrams. The movie will be so good that you yourself will shell out a small fortune to attend Star Wars Land at Disney once you see this exceptional film. It will succeed despite the fact that Poe & Finn: Desert Pirates looks cheesy as fuck. Despite the fact that the trailer is slightly less interesting than watching the drying paint I have graffiti'd to the side of your office and your vehicle (It's a dick, in case you were wondering). It will succeed in spite of all of that, sir, because much like an orange ding dong sometimes nostalgia can make up for a bunch of pre-packed, nasty AF garbage. 

It just didn't for The Last Jedi, so you know, coin flip says this one is better. 

It doesn't take much to set you off, and I dig that about you. I also find it entertaining that you and Rimbo are Star Wars twinskies. 

[SydneyCarton 48106]

Just now, closetojumping said:

It doesn't take much to set you off, and I dig that about you. I also find it entertaining that you and Rimbo are Star Wars twinskies. 

Please. You can tell by the lack of spluttering and vitriol there that you didn't actually set me off. And it's not as much fun to predictably ignore you and not give you the satisfaction of a reaction. Not ALWAYS, at least. 

I don't know what that last sentence means. I'm all for Rimbo being a SW fan, however. After having Greg Davis Apologist and Charlie Strong Advocate on his resume for a number of years, it's good that he has something defensible he can't point to as an indicator of intelligence and good taste. 

[XYZ 2154]

That reminds me of when we pooled to fly the “Greg Davis is not our standard” banner and Rimbo was being such a bitch about it.

[Eskimohorn 5635]

That reminds me of when we pooled to fly the “Greg Davis is not our standard” banner and Rimbo was being such a bitch about it.

Did Rimbo want to crash a plane into the other plane in order to stop the banner from flying? That totally works. You want to prevent a plane from crashing into an object? Crash another aircraft into it. That’s if the hyperdrive is disabled.

[mulletpelini 5211]

happy beeps guys, happy beeps

[HookMD 37]

Even though I know it will probably be trash.  I still can't wait to see it with my kids, so that we can be disappointed as a family.

[52-80 19159]

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[mulletpelini 5211]

Edited August 2, 2019 by mulletpelini
sorry millenniall Drew

[Drew 2408]

What? Not a millennial Ewok lover.

[crash_davis 23113]

Real life imitating art.

https://www.fox5atlanta.com/news/wanted-man-drives-excavator-leads-deputies-on-chase-in-worlds-slowest-pursuit

I bet this one was more suspenseful.

[Longhornsnus 200]

After decades of not caring about Star Wars my son has challenged me (or asked me politely) to watch the entire 9 episodes with him, as time permits.

I just finished TLJ and came to see if there was a thread talking about how it was horrible, and you guys did not disappoint. Even my kid said it was bad and mentioned he barely finished IX because TLJ just ruined the whole thing for him.

[Red Five 40859]

"Let's make a sequel trilogy, and have all of our original favorite characters be absolutely miserable. And then after we're done watching them be miserable, let's kill them. Sound good?" 

[Incredulity 11674]

['stache 21815]

I mean, the entire premise of the prequels was that we all knew the protagonist would turn evil by the end. I didn't watch the sequels until well after they were released and enjoyed them as part of the Star Wars legacy. None of them are "good" movie making or story telling, but still somehow compelling. I consider myself a Star Wars fan while recognizing its weirdness. The Mandalorian is probably the best of the franchise.

[MonkeyDoughnut 10236]

23 hours ago, Longhornsnus said:

After decades of not caring about Star Wars my son has challenged me (or asked me politely) to watch the entire 9 episodes with him, as time permits.

I just finished TLJ and came to see if there was a thread talking about how it was horrible, and you guys did not disappoint. Even my kid said it was bad and mentioned he barely finished IX because TLJ just ruined the whole thing for him.

I consider myself a Star Wars junkie, have a 3 ft storm trooper replica in my office, etc.

TLJ was so bad I have NEVER seen The Rise Of Skywalker. Refused to see it I was so mad/disappointed in TLJ.  Some day I will see it... just hasn't been enough time yet to get TLJ out of my mind.

[Red Five 40859]

11 minutes ago, MonkeyDoughnut said:

TLJ was so bad I have NEVER seen The Rise Of Skywalker. Refused to see it I was so mad/disappointed in TLJ.  Some day I will see it... just hasn't been enough time yet to get TLJ out of my mind.

They tried. It's not terrible, and it's certainly better than TLJ. It's just very mediocre/forgettable. 

The sequel trilogy will age horribly. Much worse than the prequels. 

[Longhornfan1024 1707]

12 minutes ago, Red Five said:

They tried. It's not terrible, and it's certainly better than TLJ. It's just very mediocre/forgettable. 

The sequel trilogy will age horribly. Much worse than the prequels. 

The prequel trilogy were good stories with bad execution.  The sequel trilogy were horrible stories with mediocre to good execution.  I can sit through the prequels with the understanding that I'll see some stupid shit in there and have to sit through Anakin and Padme's complete lack of chemistry.  Watching the sequels just makes me angry.

[nineliveslost 2760]

1 hour ago, 'stache said:

I mean, the entire premise of the prequels was that we all knew the protagonist would turn evil by the end. I didn't watch the sequels until well after they were released and enjoyed them as part of the Star Wars legacy. None of them are "good" movie making or story telling, but still somehow compelling. I consider myself a Star Wars fan while recognizing its weirdness. The Mandalorian is probably the best of the franchise.

I would put Andor above Mandalorian as far as the Disney + additions go. Bobba Fett would be bottom of the list

['stache 21815]

5 minutes ago, nineliveslost said:

I would put Andor above Mandalorian as far as the Disney + additions go. Bobba Fett would be bottom of the list

I haven't seen Andor yet but hear good things. It's on my list. 

[mdmost 43001]

Just now, 'stache said:

I haven't seen Andor yet but hear good things. It's on my list. 

[BrickHorn 18235]

1 hour ago, Longhornfan1024 said:

The prequel trilogy were good stories with bad execution.  

Fuck. Yes. I fucking love me some thrilling tales of fabricated bureaucratic trade disputes that for some reason lead to the mass slaughter of robots and nondescript clones who we don’t know or give a shit about, with a B plot focusing on a weird forbidden romance that leads the Galaxy’s Greatest Villain to make stupid, rash decisions because he’s an emo crybaby. Also… virgin birth! 

Edited July 19, 2023 by BrickHorn

[Red Five 40859]

30 minutes ago, BrickHorn said:

Fuck. Yes. I fucking love me some thrilling tales of fabricated bureaucratic trade disputes that for some reason lead to the mass slaughter of robots and nondescript clones who we don’t know or give a shit about, with a B plot focusing on a weird forbidden romance that leads the Galaxy’s Greatest Villain to make stupid, rash decisions because he’s an emo crybaby. Also… virgin birth! 

Lord knows we've done this to death, but the biggest problem was the middle movie. It shouldn't exist. The first one should have been 18-ish year old Anakin and no Jar Jar. Second should have been the first half of Revenge of the Sith, and the last movie the second half of ROTS. Attack of the Clones was a Last Jedi level waste of time.

[Buzzrock 14920]

I haven't seen Andor yet but hear good things. It's on my list. 

Clone Wars, Rebels, and Andor is the best stuff since ROTJ.

And this is still great.

[BrickHorn 18235]

36 minutes ago, Red Five said:

Lord knows we've done this to death, but the biggest problem was the middle movie. It shouldn't exist. The first one should have been 18-ish year old Anakin and no Jar Jar. Second should have been the first half of Revenge of the Sith, and the last movie the second half of ROTS. Attack of the Clones was a Last Jedi level waste of time.

My view is the prequel trilogy should never have been done.

A hazy past is a powerful narrative element. It mirrors our own experience in life, coming of age and hearing war stories about the youthful exploits of what are now seemingly responsible, mild-mannered adults (parents, teachers, professional mentors).

The war story is most effective when limited to recollected glimpses in a kind of revisionist highlight reel. The lack of detail lends an air of mystery and intrigue to the story. There’s some freedom for the audience to fill in the details on their own, to imagine what it must have been like and to fill in the gaps with their own speculation. Going back and spoon-feeding us all the details inherently diminishes the war story, even if the prequel is well executed. And the Star Wars prequels were not well executed. 

But the fucking nerds won out and Lucas gave them what they demanded: a detailed view into what turned out to be a pretty banal past fictional reality. 

Edited July 19, 2023 by BrickHorn

[BehoId, The Underminer! 11669]

6 minutes ago, BrickHorn said:

A hazy past is a powerful narrative element.

word.  kenobi telling luke in star wars about 1000 generations of jedi and all that is cool and mysterious.  everyone could imagine their own ancient stuff and deciding how much was real and how much is some weird religion or legend thing.  actually seeing it made it dull.

[nineliveslost 2760]

32 minutes ago, BrickHorn said:

My view is the prequel trilogy should never have been done.

A hazy past is a powerful narrative element. It mirrors our own experience in life, coming of age and hearing war stories about the youthful exploits of what are now seemingly responsible, mild-mannered adults (parents, teachers, professional mentors).

The war story is most effective when limited to recollected glimpses in a kind of revisionist highlight reel. The lack of detail lends an air of mystery and intrigue to the story. There’s some freedom for the audience to fill in the details on their own, to imagine what it must have been like and to fill in the gaps with their own speculation. Going back and spoon-feeding us all the details inherently diminishes the war story, even if the prequel is well executed. And the Star Wars prequels were not well executed. 

But the fucking nerds won out and Lucas gave them what they demanded: a detailed view into what turned out to be a pretty banal past fictional reality. 

 

Holy shit. Perfection and couldn't have worded it better.

[Trey3216 15346]

1 hour ago, Red Five said:

Lord knows we've done this to death, but the biggest problem was the middle movie. It shouldn't exist. The first one should have been 18-ish year old Anakin and no Jar Jar. Second should have been the first half of Revenge of the Sith, and the last movie the second half of ROTS. Attack of the Clones was a Last Jedi level waste of time.

And yet, it is much more watchable than TLJ.  

[Deej 76793]

3 hours ago, MonkeyDoughnut said:

have a 3 ft storm trooper replica in my office