Jump to content

The continued assault on Christmas. 2020 thread

Parliament

By Parliament
in Cloak Room

 Share

Recommended Posts

HOOK'EMHOOAH

HOOK'EMHOOAH 1610

Posted
Posted
20 hours ago, Lobo said:

I'm declaring a War on some Catholic Bullshit.  Since when the fuck is January 1st a Holy Day of Obligation?  The Solemnity of Mary?  I think she's a dynamite gal, but we need a special day called "Solemnity" in the Catholic Church?  As opposed to all those other masses that are so upbeat and boisterous, we gotta be solemn this one time in Church?  Anyway, wife wants the whole family to go, but I'm gonna still be hungover in San Antonio on January 1st. 

War on Solemnity!  Solemnity Now, Insanity Later!  

I'll bet dollars to donuts it's to give the "practicing" catholics a chance to recover from their hangovers resulting from the night before.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

Posted
Posted

So the left gets triggered from what you say.  They want you to watch what you say and then deny having implied that. 

And the right gets triggered from what you don't say.  They want to say whatever they want and then deny heaving meant it. 

The 37 of us in the middle would like to kindly remind you this holiday season, fuck all of you worthless cunts.  Maybe not this year, but some December soon---we are gonna enjoy watching both of your parties burn to the fucking ground with most of you still inside.  Fuck the War on Christmas.  Fuck Triggered Snowflakes.  Fuck a life spent on your knees taking offense at words, be they "Happy Holidays" or "Christian Values."  By manipulating my jaw and tongue, I can move the air in front of my face around and create sounds that can be picked up your cochlea.  And I be dead silent to your cunt ass as well.  What happens after either of those two things is on your sorry ass.  It's all lies.  It's all bullshit.  Politics.  Religion.  Holidays.  Consumerism.  Happy Fucking Christmas.  where's the tylenol?  

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Onboard 2.0

Onboard 2.0 9083

Posted
Posted
11 minutes ago, Lobo said:

So the left gets triggered from what you say.  They want you to watch what you say and then deny having implied that. 

And the right gets triggered from what you don't say.  They want to say whatever they want and then deny heaving meant it. 

The 37 of us in the middle would like to kindly remind you this holiday season, fuck all of you worthless cunts.  Maybe not this year, but some December soon---we are gonna enjoy watching both of your parties burn to the fucking ground with most of you still inside.  Fuck the War on Christmas.  Fuck Triggered Snowflakes.  Fuck a life spent on your knees taking offense at words, be they "Happy Holidays" or "Christian Values."  By manipulating my jaw and tongue, I can move the air in front of my face around and create sounds that can be picked up your cochlea.  And I be dead silent to your cunt ass as well.  What happens after either of those two things is on your sorry ass.  It's all lies.  It's all bullshit.  Politics.  Religion.  Holidays.  Consumerism.  Happy Fucking Christmas.  where's the tylenol?  

 

Tylenol ?  I suggest shock therapy to relieve your stress.

Happy kwansihonnakuchristmufestivualldemonsnight.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Steamboat1874

Steamboat1874 4284

Posted
Posted
37 minutes ago, Lobo said:

So the left gets triggered from what you say.  They want you to watch what you say and then deny having implied that. 

And the right gets triggered from what you don't say.  They want to say whatever they want and then deny heaving meant it. 

The 37 of us in the middle would like to kindly remind you this holiday season, fuck all of you worthless cunts.  Maybe not this year, but some December soon---we are gonna enjoy watching both of your parties burn to the fucking ground with most of you still inside.  Fuck the War on Christmas.  Fuck Triggered Snowflakes.  Fuck a life spent on your knees taking offense at words, be they "Happy Holidays" or "Christian Values."  By manipulating my jaw and tongue, I can move the air in front of my face around and create sounds that can be picked up your cochlea.  And I be dead silent to your cunt ass as well.  What happens after either of those two things is on your sorry ass.  It's all lies.  It's all bullshit.  Politics.  Religion.  Holidays.  Consumerism.  Happy Fucking Christmas.  where's the tylenol?  

 

I approve of this message.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Clackles

Clackles 276

Posted
Posted
22 hours ago, sidis said:

i swear to god, i would be willing to deal with another season of beck and orlando if it meant you were never allowed to start another thread.

I check back in on this thread regularly to make sure this perfect response is getting the rep it deserves.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Horn Under a Bad Sign

Horn Under a Bad Sign 20835

Posted
Posted (edited)

I'm not sure if there is truly a war on Christmas or not, but I know that if there is I want an obese, serial-lying, diaper wearing, dementia addled, porn-star screwing philanderer who likes to grab women by the pussy to lead the defense of it, because nothing says "Jesus is the reason for the season"  like such a man. 

Edited by Horn Under a Bad Sign
  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites
High Plains Drifter

High Plains Drifter 11162

Posted
Posted
20 hours ago, Junior Miller said:

Ash Wednesday would be the solemn day in remembrance of the murder of Christ at the hands of the Romans yet Christians have the ritual of partying like their lives are about to end the day before it. 

 

 

If we are really going to party like our lives are about to end, I'd prefer to do the way the druids or ancient pagans or Babylonians or somebody did where they would stay up all night over the winter solstice, have sex orgies in front of bonfires and eat till they puked. Because the night is dark and longest on the solstice and the only way to keep the evil night spirits at bay on their longest night was to celebrate life thorough sex and eating and lighting up the night.

But that's just me.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Red Five

Red Five 41596

Posted
Posted
Ah, the sounds of fools arguing about a day whose only connection to the physical universe is it’s relative nearness to a solstice and the arbitrary beginning of the Gregorian calendar.

My looney family sings happy birthday to Jesus on December 25th, I will have you know sir.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Jiggy-Z

Jiggy-Z 3506

Posted
Posted
On 12/10/2019 at 11:29 AM, Junior Miller said:

Why would anyone wage war on a fake holiday attributing the springtime birth of a human to the date of the Roman solstice holiday "Saturnalia" as a way of assimilating conquered and brutalized natives to yet another new religion with new dieties sometime around the 4th century? 

Should we also be waging war on the Athenian holidays of Anthesteria, Apaturia, Dionysia, and just to follow with our mysoginistic society Thesmophoria too? Why not? Let's wage war on it all. 

Years ago my pastor, a monsignor in the catholic church, laid out this very history on the exact origins of the Christmas Holiday, in a sermon no less.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Jiggy-Z

Jiggy-Z 3506

Posted
Posted
On 12/10/2019 at 11:29 AM, Junior Miller said:

Why would anyone wage war on a fake holiday attributing the springtime birth of a human to the date of the Roman solstice holiday "Saturnalia" as a way of assimilating conquered and brutalized natives to yet another new religion with new dieties sometime around the 4th century? 

Should we also be waging war on the Athenian holidays of Anthesteria, Apaturia, Dionysia, and just to follow with our mysoginistic society Thesmophoria too? Why not? Let's wage war on it all. 

Years ago my pastor, a monsignor in the catholic church, laid out this very history on the exact origins of the Christmas Holiday, in a sermon no less.

 

On 12/10/2019 at 11:51 AM, Lobo said:

I'm declaring a War on some Catholic Bullshit.  Since when the fuck is January 1st a Holy Day of Obligation?  The Solemnity of Mary?  I think she's a dynamite gal, but we need a special day called "Solemnity" in the Catholic Church?  As opposed to all those other masses that are so upbeat and boisterous, we gotta be solemn this one time in Church?  Anyway, wife wants the whole family to go, but I'm gonna still be hungover in San Antonio on January 1st. 

War on Solemnity!  Solemnity Now, Insanity Later!  

...to say nothing of the various feast days, immaculate conception, minor visitations, apparitions, and other shrine holidays like Fatima, Guadalupe,  Lourdes, Medjugorje  as well as the whole rosary deal. That Mary really gets around.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Jiggy-Z

Jiggy-Z 3506

Posted
Posted
On 12/10/2019 at 11:29 AM, Junior Miller said:

Why would anyone wage war on a fake holiday attributing the springtime birth of a human to the date of the Roman solstice holiday "Saturnalia" as a way of assimilating conquered and brutalized natives to yet another new religion with new dieties sometime around the 4th century? 

Should we also be waging war on the Athenian holidays of Anthesteria, Apaturia, Dionysia, and just to follow with our mysoginistic society Thesmophoria too? Why not? Let's wage war on it all. 

Years ago my pastor, a monsignor in the catholic church, laid out this very history on the exact origins of the Christmas Holiday, in a sermon no less.

 

On 12/10/2019 at 11:51 AM, Lobo said:

I'm declaring a War on some Catholic Bullshit.  Since when the fuck is January 1st a Holy Day of Obligation?  The Solemnity of Mary?  I think she's a dynamite gal, but we need a special day called "Solemnity" in the Catholic Church?  As opposed to all those other masses that are so upbeat and boisterous, we gotta be solemn this one time in Church?  Anyway, wife wants the whole family to go, but I'm gonna still be hungover in San Antonio on January 1st. 

War on Solemnity!  Solemnity Now, Insanity Later!  

...to say nothing of the various feast days, immaculate conception, minor visitations, apparitions, and other shrine holidays like Fatima, Guadalupe,  Lourdes, Medjugorje  as well as the whole rosary deal. That Mary really gets around.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Jiggy-Z

Jiggy-Z 3506

Posted
Posted
On 12/10/2019 at 11:29 AM, Junior Miller said:

Why would anyone wage war on a fake holiday attributing the springtime birth of a human to the date of the Roman solstice holiday "Saturnalia" as a way of assimilating conquered and brutalized natives to yet another new religion with new dieties sometime around the 4th century? 

Should we also be waging war on the Athenian holidays of Anthesteria, Apaturia, Dionysia, and just to follow with our mysoginistic society Thesmophoria too? Why not? Let's wage war on it all. 

Years ago my pastor, a monsignor in the catholic church, laid out this very history on the exact origins of the Christmas Holiday, in a sermon no less.

 

On 12/10/2019 at 11:51 AM, Lobo said:

I'm declaring a War on some Catholic Bullshit.  Since when the fuck is January 1st a Holy Day of Obligation?  The Solemnity of Mary?  I think she's a dynamite gal, but we need a special day called "Solemnity" in the Catholic Church?  As opposed to all those other masses that are so upbeat and boisterous, we gotta be solemn this one time in Church?  Anyway, wife wants the whole family to go, but I'm gonna still be hungover in San Antonio on January 1st. 

War on Solemnity!  Solemnity Now, Insanity Later!  

...to say nothing of the various feast days, immaculate conception, minor visitations, apparitions, and other shrine holidays like Fatima, Guadalupe,  Lourdes, Medjugorje  as well as the whole rosary deal. That Mary really gets around.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
BNB

BNB 100

Posted
Posted

Anyone who gets triggered by someone greeting them how they want and meaning it in a nice way has issues.

Jesus Birthday story (I often wonder if this was a dream)
I went to my sisters house for Christmas and after lunch, birthday hats, a birthday cake and people singing happy birthday. I couldn't stop laughing. That was a weird year. I think that was a first and last time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Chad Fuck

Chad Fuck 18092

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

If we are really going to party like our lives are about to end, I'd prefer to do the way the druids or ancient pagans or Babylonians or somebody did where they would stay up all night over the winter solstice, have sex orgies in front of bonfires and eat till they puked. Because the night is dark and longest on the solstice and the only way to keep the evil night spirits at bay on their longest night was to celebrate life thorough sex and eating and lighting up the night.

But that's just me.

See you there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Steamboat1874

Steamboat1874 4284

Posted
Posted
58 minutes ago, BNB said:

Anyone who gets triggered by someone greeting them how they want and meaning it in a nice way has issues.

Jesus Birthday story (I often wonder if this was a dream)
I went to my sisters house for Christmas and after lunch, birthday hats, a birthday cake and people singing happy birthday. I couldn't stop laughing. That was a weird year. I think that was a first and last time.

Wow we can have cake on Christmas?

Who knew.

I have been doing it wrong all of these years.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Junior Miller

Junior Miller 1502

Posted
Posted
7 hours ago, BNB said:

Anyone who gets triggered by someone greeting them how they want and meaning it in a nice way has issues.

Jesus Birthday story (I often wonder if this was a dream)
I went to my sisters house for Christmas and after lunch, birthday hats, a birthday cake and people singing happy birthday. I couldn't stop laughing. That was a weird year. I think that was a first and last time.

If she's very redneck looking I may have been behind her in line at Market Street last year. I got in line to pay and noticed at the bottom of the cart in front of me was a Market Street bakery sheet cake with "Happy Birthday Jesus!" written in icing. I took a pic and almost bust out laughing.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

Posted
Posted

Maybe his sister was kind enough to get the lawn crew chief a cake for his birthday is actually on 24 December.  

But then I guess Feliz Navidad weould have been more appropriate.

Or Aramaic.  Either way.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Js1

Js1 86943

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, SquishMitten said:

The war is fucking ON in my family. I was recently told there would be no turkey, ham, stuffing, potatoes, ANY GOTDAMN Christmas food at the family gathering. Instead, there will be soups. SOUPS! What in the actual fuck? This aggression will not stand!

And you gonna show up with that attitude?

Image result for no soup for you gif

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, SquishMitten said:

The war is fucking ON in my family. I was recently told there would be no turkey, ham, stuffing, potatoes, ANY GOTDAMN Christmas food at the family gathering. Instead, there will be soups. SOUPS! What in the actual fuck? This aggression will not stand!

The SOUP is the MEAL!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
SquishMitten

SquishMitten 10493

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted
3 hours ago, Js1 said:

And you gonna show up with that attitude?

Image result for no soup for you gif

Excellent reply.

And absofuckinglutely I am. I bought an inappropriate sweater that I feel adequately represents my feelings, and I'm bringing a bottle of bourbon to pour into a bowl. They want everyone to eat soup? Fine. I'll sit down and drink whiskey with a spoon until I'm drunk enough to make them all wish they had made better decisions. 

  • Like 10
  • Haha 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

Posted
Posted (edited)
36 minutes ago, SquishMitten said:

Excellent reply.

And absofuckinglutely I am. I bought an inappropriate sweater that I feel adequately represents my feelings, and I'm bringing a bottle of bourbon to pour into a bowl. They want everyone to eat soup? Fine. I'll sit down and drink whiskey with a spoon until I'm drunk enough to make them all wish they had made better decisions. 

SquishMitten's in-law:  "Why is he drinking that bowl of bourbon with that toddler spoon?"
SquishMitten:  " It represents how you are all fucking acting like children!  And it's not bourbon, it's yuletide broth!  Can we at least having fucking bread at this shitshow of Christmas dinner to mop this up with?  I can see the bottom already."  

Edited by Lobo
Link to comment
Share on other sites
 Share
Go to topic listing


Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business and Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Subscribe!... Donate!... Advertise... COOKIE MONSTER!

×
×
  • Create New...