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The continued assault on Christmas. 2020 thread

Parliament

By Parliament
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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 106627

Posted
Posted
49 minutes ago, Biff Tannen said:

This thread took a fucking fantastic turn.  Eating bourbon with a spoon to spite family.  This is awesome.

See, this is why I hate the phrase "Make America Great Again."  We're a country where people will eat bourbon with a spoon to spite their family at Christmas.  We were ALREADY great.  It's that kind of attitude that helped us get to the moon, invent the double cheeseburger, and all that other shit that made us great.

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Junior Miller

Junior Miller 1502

Posted
Posted
11 hours ago, Lobo said:

Maybe his sister was kind enough to get the lawn crew chief a cake for his birthday is actually on 24 December.  

But then I guess Feliz Navidad weould have been more appropriate.

Or Aramaic.  Either way.  

Do trailer park residents hire lawn crews? Because this lady looked more likely to be making meth out of a trailer than hiring a lawn crew. 

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F250

F250 29175

Posted
Posted
On 12/10/2019 at 11:03 PM, TexArcher said:

Merry X-mas, Parliament!

Happy holidays, too.

When I was in the 3rd grade, I wrote Merry X-Mas on the chalkboard. Some gargantuan girl about a foot taller than me shoved me and erased X-Mas and spelled Christmas and mumbled something about reason for the season.

I mumbled something like: "fuck you dyke, I don't know how to spell Christmas."

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RomaVicta

RomaVicta 30501

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 12/11/2019 at 11:06 PM, Junior Miller said:

Found it on my phone. People are nutty

3j7827.jpgvia Imgflip Meme Generator

For being scourged, having thorns shoved into Your temples, dragging Your cross up a mountain and then dying painfully for us, we went down to the local grocery and shelled out $9.95 for a disgusting sheet cake sprinkled with petroleum byproducts to celebrate Your birth.

Nothing is too good for our Lord and Savior!

I started to post about how this thread had become the War on Funny and realized that I was only on page one. I skip to page three and find tales of a person eating bourbon with a spoon to spite his family. 

giphy.gif

God bless us! Everyone!

Edited by RomaVicta
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RomaVicta

RomaVicta 30501

Posted
Posted
On 12/12/2019 at 12:25 PM, SquishMitten said:

Excellent reply.

And absofuckinglutely I am. I bought an inappropriate sweater that I feel adequately represents my feelings, and I'm bringing a bottle of bourbon to pour into a bowl. They want everyone to eat soup? Fine. I'll sit down and drink whiskey with a spoon until I'm drunk enough to make them all wish they had made better decisions. 

And I had to get the post of the season onto this page. Laugh rep is so inadequate.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Solstice!

I like the season because for whatever reason, some of the humans in N. America chose to brighten the darkest part of the year with lights and gifts and joyful greetings. It's a wonderful expression of a moody species creating their own light amid the darkness. It works as a metaphor for believers in Christ. I'm not of their number, but I'm fine with that. 

The holiday should be totally inclusive. The only requirement be that you add light in whatever way you wish.

Again, why do some people have to make things that are easy and fun difficult and hostile?

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 106627

Posted
Posted
And I had to get the post of the season onto this page. Laugh rep is so inadequate.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Solstice!
I like the season because for whatever reason, some of the humans in N. America chose to brighten the darkest part of the year with lights and gifts and joyful greetings. It's a wonderful expression of a moody species creating their own light amid the darkness. It works as a metaphor for believers in Christ. I'm not of their number, but I'm fine with that. 
The holiday should be totally inclusive. The only requirement be that you add light in whatever way you wish.
Again, why do some people have to make things that are easy and fun difficult and hostile?

Because people are dicks and they suck.

I mean, in case you hadn’t figured that out.
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Al Bundy's Napoleon Hand

Al Bundy's Napoleon Hand 13619

Posted
Posted (edited)

Because con artists know getting Group A to fight Group B enhances their chances of sustained success. It behooves them not to solve existing problems, and benefits them to create problems and divisions where none previously existed.

Edited by Al Bundy's Napoleon Hand
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RomaVicta

RomaVicta 30501

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Brisketexan said:


Because people are dicks and they suck.

I mean, in case you hadn’t figured that out.

 

17 minutes ago, Al Bundy's Napoleon Hand said:

Because con artists know getting Group A to fight Group B enhances their chances of sustained success. It behooves them not to solve existing problems, and benefits them to create problems and divisions where none previously existed.

_QQ8Xi.gif

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atomheartbevo

atomheartbevo 90548

Posted
Posted

I had a Central Market employee wish me Merry Christmas, and also a Randall's employee.   Also, a person from the Middle East working at my neighborhood gas station wished me Merry Christmas as well.  When will this assault on Christmas stop?

I was surprised - an acquaintance I know (friend of a friend) wished me a Merry Christmas, and mentioned that they were playing Santa for their kids tonight.  I would have sworn on a Bible that they were Jewish - I mean, I wasn't 100% certain they were Jewish, but I was willing to bet that if you ripped their pants off, you'd find two penises.

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DDD Dad

DDD Dad 14571

Posted
Posted
Does this count as an assault on Christmas? Two assholes taking up SEVEN parking spaces right outside of church on Christmas Eve?

967be80c34b2e1fbce1073b3271019dd.jpg

I guess Trump made it safe for us to say “fuck you, I’m the only one who matters!” on Christmas again! Now THAT’S super-American.

It’s the reason for the season.
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F250

F250 29175

Posted
Posted
15 minutes ago, Bama Chick said:

This is the absolute grossest timeline.

 

Little fucked up.

Reminds me of the Cheech and Chong skit about why Santa Claus doesn't come around anymore.

 

Cheech: Oh, man, he doesn't do that bit anymore, man. It got too dangerous, man

Chong: Yeah, I can dig that, man, 'cause that's a dangerous bit, man!

Cheexh: Yeah, lemme tell ya, it sure was, man. Like just two years ago, man, he
Got stopped at the border, y'know, and they took him into another room
And took off his clothes, man, and searched him and searched his bag of
Goodies, man... And then, when he was leaving, man, he was flying through
The air and somebody took a chot and his reindeer, y'know

Chong: Aw, that's a drag, man.

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bolverk

bolverk 30233

Posted
Posted
18 minutes ago, StruggleBus said:

Oh my god! So gross! Wow! 

CPB: Nächste. Papieren bitte. Schnell, schnell!

Santa: Ho, ho, ho! Here you go little buddy. 

CPB: Dein Name ist nicht Kris Kringle?!? INTO ZE KAGE MIT KEIN KOOKIES!

*****

Seriously, this is a maladroit attempt at social conditioning using nationalist "humor."

Which previously banned -- now resurrected -- neo-fascist are you?

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SaucyJack

SaucyJack 3517

Posted
Posted

CP from 2020 Coaching thread.  THANX OBAMA!

 

The elves are dressed in leather
And the angels are in chains
(Christmas with the Devil)
The sugar plums are rancid
And the stockings are in flames
(Christmas with the Devil)
There's a demon in my belly
And a gremlin in my brain
There's someone up the chimney hole
And Satan is his name
The rats ate all the presents
And the reindeer ran away
(Christmas with the Devil)
There'll be no Father Christmas
'Cause it's Evil's holiday
(Christmas with the Devil)
No bells in Hell
No snow below
Silent night, violent night
So come all ye unfaithful
Don't be left out in the cold
You don't need no invitation, no
Your ticket is your soul
The elves are dressed in leather
And the angels are in chains
(Christmas with the Devil)
The sugar plums are rancid
And the stockings are in flames
(Christmas with the Devil)
(Christmas with the Devil)
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GSU&UT

GSU&UT 1799

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Approximately? Seems like that's something that doesn't require an estimate. Couldn't the religions and holidays be itemized?

Let's not forget every random crackpot wearing a colander on their head for whatever reason this time of the year, the little people count too.

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FondrenRoad

FondrenRoad 4378

Posted
Posted (edited)
12 minutes ago, F250 said:

Feliz Navidad is what makes the Trumpkins ragey.

 In the motherland, Christmas falls on January 7. By next year, I figure US evangelicals will be switching over from December 25.

Then the 25th will be only Feliz Navidad. 

Edited by FondrenRoad
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