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Boycott Hallmark. No, don't boycott Hallmark. Wait, boycott Hallmark!


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Posted (edited)

jesus hates gays and brown people, even more if they are brown, gay, poor people. he loves guns, capitalism, and babies, but only if they are not born. after they are born, fuck em, especially if they are brown babies.

 

Edited by crash_davis
  • Like 6
Posted

Hallmark Channel should know their audience though.  Only people watching these formulaic holiday shows are middle-aged/retired female seniors who voted for Trump.  

Unless Hallmark suddenly has some spinoff channel like HallmarXX or Hallmark Channel-Park Slope where they can show their "edgier" content with corresponding ads.  

Posted

what if the middle aged retired female is fucking fed up with her racists, never traveled outside of his hometown, dipshit husband and secretly wishes to bump clam shells with her bff on facebook who is also sick of the bullshit from her bald, beer gutted, idiot husband. maybe a commercial of two women kissing might encourage her to facebook messenger her bff for a "girl's night".

  • Like 1
Posted
7 minutes ago, crash_davis said:

what if the middle aged retired female is fucking fed up with her racists, never traveled outside of his hometown, dipshit husband and secretly wishes to bump clam shells with her bff on facebook who is also sick of the bullshit from her bald, beer gutted, idiot husband. maybe a commercial of two women kissing might encourage her to facebook messenger her bff for a "girl's night".

That's a movie on HallmarkXX.

Posted
18 minutes ago, crash_davis said:

what if the middle aged retired female is fucking fed up with her racists, never traveled outside of his hometown, dipshit husband and secretly wishes to bump clam shells with her bff on facebook who is also sick of the bullshit from her bald, beer gutted, idiot husband. maybe a commercial of two women kissing might encourage her to facebook messenger her bff for a "girl's night".

Honey is that you?

  • Haha 1
Posted (edited)

Any male that wasn't already boycotting watching Hallmark should be shot.
 

** Except for the channel with the fire and Christmas tree and dogs. That's pretty cool.

Edited by BradInATX
  • Like 1
Posted
48 minutes ago, crash_davis said:

doesn't get more christian than that.

Funny, I was thinking that both hard line Christians and coastal liberals already do that. 
“nobody I know voted for trump!”

”well nobody I know voted for Hillary!”

  • Like 3
Posted

If Hallmark was half-smart, and they're not...they'd do a cross-promotion for those stores in the malls they still have.  In the section with the bows, gift bags, wrapping paper, etc.:

"Zola Scissors now Half-Off!"  

Posted
28 minutes ago, BradInATX said:

** Except for the channel with the fire and Christmas tree and dogs. That's pretty cool.

I think you mean "that channel is the greatest damned thing on TV."

Brisket family tradition now -- put the yule log channel on, so puppies and piglets and stuff can frolic in the background while we wrap presents and such.

Posted

What channel is that exactly?  And when do they start the puppies and fireplace thing? My four year old would absolutely love that.  Mommy says no fires in the house while the toddler is learning to crawl/walk. and the four year old absolutely loves puppies right now.  Her absolute favorite right now.  

Posted
2 minutes ago, Lobo said:

What channel is that exactly?  And when do they start the puppies and fireplace thing? My four year old would absolutely love that.  Mommy says no fires in the house while the toddler is learning to crawl/walk. and the four year old absolutely loves puppies right now.  Her absolute favorite right now.  

Christmas eve at some point in the afternoon, the Hallmark channel just broadcasts a yule log -- a fireplace, with cute critters in front of it.

vs_20471.jpg

Posted

Yeah, the dog and the cat (who are presumably safe from human consumption) look awfully skeptical.  And the pig, who is minutes away from being a New Year's Day hangover bacon platter is as happy as, well, a pig in slop.  I love it, can't wait to turn this on after church.  

Posted
1 hour ago, Aqua Buddha said:

Somehow, two women kissed on TV and the universe didn't collapse upon itself.  Saw some woman on TV this morning with the "What do I tell my children" line?  Jeez.  Be a parent.

 

Yeah, just tell them some women prefer other ladies and some men like other guys.

They aren’t hurting anyone.

Posted
1 hour ago, Huckleberry said:

Half decent line on SNL Weekend Update this weekend about this.

"Lady, if your son is watching the Hallmark Channel, he's already gay."

Wasn’t there a poster on TOS who knew some dude who made a good living writing screenplays for that channel?

Posted

I’ve got about 20 ideas. I bet I could write a script a day.

Also, my million dollar idea is to produce smaller movies that mirror the Hallmark storyline and aesthetic...but end in hardcore porn sex. Perfect Christmas gift for couples.
  • Like 1
Posted
31 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

I think you mean "that channel is the greatest damned thing on TV."

Brisket family tradition now -- put the yule log channel on, so puppies and piglets and stuff can frolic in the background while we wrap presents and such.

I certainly hope you’re channel-swapping between the fireplace and the marathon of “A Christmas Story”. 

Posted
1 hour ago, Huckleberry said:

Half decent line on SNL Weekend Update this weekend about this.

"Lady, if your son is watching the Hallmark Channel, he's already gay."

Got damn. It's funny because it's true.

Posted
2 hours ago, Larry T. Spider said:

“Daddy, why are there two women kissing?”

Adults who are in romantic relationships often kiss.

Boom. Problem solved.

Lol. You clearly don't have kids. 

But yeah, it's not that hard to explain. 

  • Fuck You 1
Posted
2 hours ago, crash_davis said:

doesn't get more christian than that.

or Republican, wait I mean liberal - oh crap, everyone want to be in that bubble.
Fuck, I just want the teams I root for to win a few more games; and the teams I despise to suck, or at least be filled with false hopes.

Also, is it okay for conservative christians to watch Airplane, because of talks about seeing grown men naked

Posted
12 minutes ago, Wally Fairway said:

or Republican, wait I mean liberal - oh crap, everyone want to be in that bubble.
Fuck, I just want the teams I root for to win a few more games; and the teams I despise to suck, or at least be filled with false hopes.

Also, is it okay for conservative christians to watch Airplane, because of talks about seeing grown men naked

Wasn't that about gladiators? So, biblical and therefore okay.

Posted
3 hours ago, crash_davis said:

what if the middle aged retired female is fucking fed up with her racists, never traveled outside of his hometown, dipshit husband and secretly wishes to bump clam shells with her bff on facebook who is also sick of the bullshit from her bald, beer gutted, idiot husband. maybe a commercial of two women kissing might encourage her to facebook messenger her bff for a "girl's night".

Go on...

Posted
Little known fact. One Million Moms isn't actually one million moms.  It's like 20k.  Plus it was started by 2 guys.  
Quit being pussies Hallmark

That’s on-brand for two dudes: make up a group to attract frustrated women. Tip o the cap.
Posted (edited)

Which slutty daughter of Winnie Cooper is that again?   Asking for a friend 

Edited by Lobo
Posted
3 hours ago, Brisketexan said:


Also, my million dollar idea is to produce smaller movies that mirror the Hallmark storyline and aesthetic...but end in hardcore porn sex. Perfect Christmas gift for couples.

My go to move is that during some Lifetime/Hallmark/romcom that my wife is watching, I ask out of nowhere "Is anybody gonna fuck or what?"  She's not as amused as I am.

  • Like 2
Posted
Half decent line on SNL Weekend Update this weekend about this.
"Lady, if your son is watching the Hallmark Channel, he's already gay."

That's funny.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Posted
3 minutes ago, Brothahorn said:

Who gets upset about two women kissing on tv? We can all appreciate the beauty in that.

 

3 minutes ago, Brothahorn said:

Who gets upset about two women kissing on tv? We can all appreciate the beauty in that.

There are universal truths, and this isn't one of them.

Posted
19 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

The Hallmark store in my little town serves homemade desserts and gift wraps presents. So you’ll have to force your boycott into my cold, dead, bachelor hands. 

Hallmark store still exists?  I thought those left about the same time as Blockbuster.  

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