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Boycott Hallmark. No, don't boycott Hallmark. Wait, boycott Hallmark!

Aqua Buddha

By Aqua Buddha
in Daily Texan

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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Hallmark Channel should know their audience though.  Only people watching these formulaic holiday shows are middle-aged/retired female seniors who voted for Trump.  

Unless Hallmark suddenly has some spinoff channel like HallmarXX or Hallmark Channel-Park Slope where they can show their "edgier" content with corresponding ads.  

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crash_davis

crash_davis 23,158

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what if the middle aged retired female is fucking fed up with her racists, never traveled outside of his hometown, dipshit husband and secretly wishes to bump clam shells with her bff on facebook who is also sick of the bullshit from her bald, beer gutted, idiot husband. maybe a commercial of two women kissing might encourage her to facebook messenger her bff for a "girl's night".

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El Diablo

El Diablo 4,232

Posted
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7 minutes ago, crash_davis said:

what if the middle aged retired female is fucking fed up with her racists, never traveled outside of his hometown, dipshit husband and secretly wishes to bump clam shells with her bff on facebook who is also sick of the bullshit from her bald, beer gutted, idiot husband. maybe a commercial of two women kissing might encourage her to facebook messenger her bff for a "girl's night".

That's a movie on HallmarkXX.

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Judge Roybeanbag

Judge Roybeanbag 11,824

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18 minutes ago, crash_davis said:

what if the middle aged retired female is fucking fed up with her racists, never traveled outside of his hometown, dipshit husband and secretly wishes to bump clam shells with her bff on facebook who is also sick of the bullshit from her bald, beer gutted, idiot husband. maybe a commercial of two women kissing might encourage her to facebook messenger her bff for a "girl's night".

Honey is that you?

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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If Hallmark was half-smart, and they're not...they'd do a cross-promotion for those stores in the malls they still have.  In the section with the bows, gift bags, wrapping paper, etc.:

"Zola Scissors now Half-Off!"  

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 105,575

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28 minutes ago, BradInATX said:

** Except for the channel with the fire and Christmas tree and dogs. That's pretty cool.

I think you mean "that channel is the greatest damned thing on TV."

Brisket family tradition now -- put the yule log channel on, so puppies and piglets and stuff can frolic in the background while we wrap presents and such.

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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What channel is that exactly?  And when do they start the puppies and fireplace thing? My four year old would absolutely love that.  Mommy says no fires in the house while the toddler is learning to crawl/walk. and the four year old absolutely loves puppies right now.  Her absolute favorite right now.  

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 105,575

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2 minutes ago, Lobo said:

What channel is that exactly?  And when do they start the puppies and fireplace thing? My four year old would absolutely love that.  Mommy says no fires in the house while the toddler is learning to crawl/walk. and the four year old absolutely loves puppies right now.  Her absolute favorite right now.  

Christmas eve at some point in the afternoon, the Hallmark channel just broadcasts a yule log -- a fireplace, with cute critters in front of it.

vs_20471.jpg

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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Yeah, the dog and the cat (who are presumably safe from human consumption) look awfully skeptical.  And the pig, who is minutes away from being a New Year's Day hangover bacon platter is as happy as, well, a pig in slop.  I love it, can't wait to turn this on after church.  

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Armybrat

Armybrat 40,994

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1 hour ago, Aqua Buddha said:

Somehow, two women kissed on TV and the universe didn't collapse upon itself.  Saw some woman on TV this morning with the "What do I tell my children" line?  Jeez.  Be a parent.

 

Yeah, just tell them some women prefer other ladies and some men like other guys.

They aren’t hurting anyone.

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Armybrat

Armybrat 40,994

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1 hour ago, Huckleberry said:

Half decent line on SNL Weekend Update this weekend about this.

"Lady, if your son is watching the Hallmark Channel, he's already gay."

Wasn’t there a poster on TOS who knew some dude who made a good living writing screenplays for that channel?

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9,497

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31 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

I think you mean "that channel is the greatest damned thing on TV."

Brisket family tradition now -- put the yule log channel on, so puppies and piglets and stuff can frolic in the background while we wrap presents and such.

I certainly hope you’re channel-swapping between the fireplace and the marathon of “A Christmas Story”. 

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Wally Fairway

Wally Fairway 5,600

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2 hours ago, crash_davis said:

doesn't get more christian than that.

or Republican, wait I mean liberal - oh crap, everyone want to be in that bubble.
Fuck, I just want the teams I root for to win a few more games; and the teams I despise to suck, or at least be filled with false hopes.

Also, is it okay for conservative christians to watch Airplane, because of talks about seeing grown men naked

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El Diablo

El Diablo 4,232

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12 minutes ago, Wally Fairway said:

or Republican, wait I mean liberal - oh crap, everyone want to be in that bubble.
Fuck, I just want the teams I root for to win a few more games; and the teams I despise to suck, or at least be filled with false hopes.

Also, is it okay for conservative christians to watch Airplane, because of talks about seeing grown men naked

Wasn't that about gladiators? So, biblical and therefore okay.

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SimonBolivar

SimonBolivar 10,961

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3 hours ago, crash_davis said:

what if the middle aged retired female is fucking fed up with her racists, never traveled outside of his hometown, dipshit husband and secretly wishes to bump clam shells with her bff on facebook who is also sick of the bullshit from her bald, beer gutted, idiot husband. maybe a commercial of two women kissing might encourage her to facebook messenger her bff for a "girl's night".

Go on...

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Aqua Buddha

Aqua Buddha 14,653

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3 hours ago, Brisketexan said:


Also, my million dollar idea is to produce smaller movies that mirror the Hallmark storyline and aesthetic...but end in hardcore porn sex. Perfect Christmas gift for couples.

My go to move is that during some Lifetime/Hallmark/romcom that my wife is watching, I ask out of nowhere "Is anybody gonna fuck or what?"  She's not as amused as I am.

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