Late Night Santa thread

[JimmyHoffa 1188]

Put this fucker together and got done at 2AM. Boys were up at 6.....

And fuck whomever was in charge of the English directions as they sucked and their were errors all over the place which force me to unscrew a couple sections to fix said errors. 

Winning the family tournament on no sleep the next day took some of the pain away. 

No Mercy. 

 

 

 

[Mach 1 1677]

The rite of fatherly passage.

I put together a large trampoline at night a few years ago.  I kind of cheated and pre assembled some pieces during the day, but the major construction happened around midnight.  I had a flashlight, some decent instructions, and a bottle of bourbon to keep me company.

In the morning the kids flipped out when they saw it in the backyard and ran out to see it.  Just before scrambling in my wife yelled "WAIT!"  She noticed some unused bolts on the kitchen counter, and upon closer inspection of the trampoline, noticed the safety pads not installed (springs and metal bars open and ready to tear into youthful skin), and the safety netting was kind of hanging loose like an afterthought.   There was also a bourbon bottle reduced by about 2/3 laying in the grass.

She looked at me like WTF??

"Hold up kids, looks like Santa didn't have the time to finish it up, give me a sec."

So it took me another hour that morning to finish.  Sucked, because I was really hungover.

[Johnny Sack 8397]

On 12/25/2019 at 10:03 AM, Bullneck said:

I'm so glad those midnight assembly times are over.  Four or five years ago I had to put together a fucking adjustable, free standing basketball hoop.   

 

Did both in one year too about 4 years ago.  The kitchen probably took two hours.  But I had it delivered to my office and did it there a week early.  Had to do basketball goal Christmas eve for obvious reasons. I forgot to line the pole pieces up before connecting them and then banging them against the concrete.  Welp, once you do that, you cannot pull them a part no matter how hard you pull or how much lubricant you apply.

Finally I said fuck it.  I know how to rig things.  I got out my angle grinder and cut slits in the outer sleeve of the pole.  Was able to get it out and line it back up.  Then I used a couple large hose clamps to tighten it back up.  Shit worked.  Massive pain in the ass though.

[Pato del Muerto 53332]

You ran an angle grinder on Christmas Eve night in your garage/driveway?  Lol. 
 

I took mine to the wife’s office space and a couple days prior, put the pole on the base and the rim on the backboard.  Then  after the kids went to bed, retrieved the two parts and put them together along with the slide adjustor.  Even then, bolt assembly outdoors in Wyoming in late December is a pain in the ass because either you have gloves and no tactile sensation, or your hands are numb from the cold...and you have no tactile sensation. 

Edited December 26, 2019 by Pato del Muerto

[RPM 26560]

6 minutes ago, Johnny Sack said:

Welp, once you do that, you cannot pull them a part no matter how hard you pull or how much lubricant you apply.

heat

[Johnny Sack 8397]

10 minutes ago, RPM said:

heat

I tried that.  Did not work.

[Guest Lobo]

4 hours ago, JimmyHoffa said:

And fuck whomever was in charge of the English directions as they sucked and their were errors all over the place which force me to unscrew a couple sections to fix said errors. 

Winning the family tournament on no sleep the next day took some of the pain away. 

There are more important things than directions.  Winning the Family Tournament, for instance.  Here son, this is for you.  

You tell your mother, I'm gunning for her.  If she's as good as she says she is, she's got to beat me to prove it!  

[JimmyHoffa 1188]

11 hours ago, Lobo said:

There are more important things than directions.  Winning the Family Tournament, for instance.  Here son, this is for you.  

You tell your mother, I'm gunning for her.  If she's as good as she says she is, she's got to beat me to prove it!  

 

If you want the full breakdown it was Mrs. Hoffa, Lil Hoffa 1, Lil Hoffa 2, Papa Hoffa, Ma Hoffa, and Sister Hoffa (no pics assholes) So your standard 7 person double elimination tournament. 

It was pretty much a chalk tournament with the only major upset was Ma Hoffa beating Papa Hoffa via her underhanded 3 at the buzzer to win by 1. 

I was proud of my one son who is the lesser of the two athletes, his brother usually beats him at everything sports related and he took the L like a champ. Hated losing but not throwing a fit about it. It's that fine line between hating to lose which is good vs. not being able to handle losing.  

[Guest Lobo]

Uh, thanks for the full breakdown I guess.  I just read your words "Family Tournament" in Judge Smails' voice from Caddyshack.  So my response was intended to be in his voice when he talks with Danny Noonan on the course and changed up a few words.  It was funny to me at the time, glad your family had a good time.  I can't wait until my youngest is a little older and we can start doing stuff like this at the holidays-games, contests, shenanigans, etc. 

[JimmyHoffa 1188]

44 minutes ago, Lobo said:

Uh, thanks for the full breakdown I guess.  I just read your words "Family Tournament" in Judge Smails' voice from Caddyshack.  So my response was intended to be in his voice when he talks with Danny Noonan on the course and changed up a few words.  It was funny to me at the time, glad your family had a good time.  I can't wait until my youngest is a little older and we can start doing stuff like this at the holidays-games, contests, shenanigans, etc. 

HA

Yeah, each age has it's pros and cons but the 7-10 range (my twins turn 10 next month) is really awesome as they are old enough to play "adult games" and still are young enough to enjoy the shit out of it as kids. 

Michigan rummy for pennies was also a ton of fun the other night. (Holding off on poker for a few years.......) 

[Johnny Sack 8397]

26 minutes ago, JimmyHoffa said:

HA

Yeah, each age has it's pros and cons but the 7-10 range (my twins turn 10 next month) is really awesome as they are old enough to play "adult games" and still are young enough to enjoy the shit out of it as kids. 

Michigan rummy for pennies was also a ton of fun the other night. (Holding off on poker for a few years.......) 

Left-right-center with a bunch of kids that age is a lot of fun.  I always get about $100 in ones for family gatherings.  Kids love winning some cash.

[RPM 26560]

2 hours ago, JimmyHoffa said:

 

If you want the full breakdown it was Mrs. Hoffa, Lil Hoffa 1, Lil Hoffa 2, Papa Hoffa, Ma Hoffa, and Sister Hoffa (no pics assholes) So your standard 7 person double elimination tournament. 

It was pretty much a chalk tournament with the only major upset was Ma Hoffa beating Papa Hoffa via her underhanded 3 at the buzzer to win by 1. 

I was proud of my one son who is the lesser of the two athletes, his brother usually beats him at everything sports related and he took the L like a champ. Hated losing but not throwing a fit about it. It's that fine line between hating to lose which is good vs. not being able to handle losing.  

I read this in Howard Cosell's voice and it was moving.

[Kennythetiger 9584]

1 hour ago, Johnny Sack said:

Left-right-center with a bunch of kids that age is a lot of fun.  I always get about $100 in ones for family gatherings.  Kids love winning some cash.

With a clear conscience I have taken many quarters from my nieces playing this game at Christmas.  

[Underdog 29102]

Loved Pop A Shot, remember a pool hall off Airport that had one in the back.  Always a good time for after work beers and such. 

[Hate 20232]

Over the last few years I've put together both a basketball goal and a trampoline.  The key was to tell our son that those were gifts from Mom and Dad instead of Santa so that I didn't have to try to put them together on Christmas Eve in the middle of the night.  Neither one took more than a couple of hours and my son helped with the trampoline.  It was actually kind of fun. 

Edited December 27, 2019 by Hate

[Guest Lobo]

Yeah, but if he gets hurt on the trampoline, you can't blame Santa.  He just looks at his dad's subpar sense of assembly and physics.  Fucking Deadheads...