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Francisco 2.0

By Francisco 2.0
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jimmyjazz

jimmyjazz 46990

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5 minutes ago, TornACL said:

Man just wait til they start talking about a Sunday night in October 1994

Ugh.  I was travelling back to Austin from a long work trip, looking forward to flipping on the TV and having a beer while Mackovic and Company kicked Rice's ass.

Rainy, shitty nadir of Texas football for me (up until that point in time).

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Thatguy
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Let me be candid and honest here my man. I cannot be sympathetic to your comments because this is how adult life has always been. From the moment I stepped out of my home and headed off to college I h

Francisco 2.0
Francisco 2.0
henrygandorf
henrygandorf

it won't matter if his taxes ever come out.  it won't matter if his taxes don't ever come out.  you wanna know why?  because we already know what's in them. since early 2017 when people starting

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jimmyjazz

jimmyjazz 46990

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5 minutes ago, Gatorubet said:

Holy Fuck!  The internal polls must be murder.

Jesus, the man doesn't even know the difference between an EO and a Congressional bill, even when the interviewer tried to give him the softball chance to clarify.

Good God he is so stupid.

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JimmyJames

JimmyJames 12271

Posted
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1 hour ago, Biff Tannen said:

SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT RICE

From: WrongHorn Boob 
Date: Fri Sep 17 13:05:10 1999 
Subject: Rice Preview 

Well Horns it's time to take on them Nightbirds. My skin is goose fleshed just thinkin' about puttin' a whoopin on those rotten sons of bitches. 

Owls are a sneaky bird. Always creepin' round in the night like a pedophile and scarin' the crap out of you when they set up next to your window with their carryin' on; almost makes you want to turn on your extry Dukes of Hazzard nite lites. Well Horns I don't care if it's unfashionable but I don't cotton to owls or pedophiles. They're bad people. And owls are the worst people of all. Now you're saying,"Whoa Boob, don't you reckon you're generalizin'?" Hell no. And I don't care if you read the rest of my column cuz I think those folks are bad for society. Sorry Horns, I'm a straight shooter and I don't take polls before I say controversial things. I write from my soul. 

Back to Rice. Y'all know football is everythun' to me Horns. I can still remember my glory days: hanging from a locker hook, my feet swinging six inches above the ground, smelling the fresh cut grass; hearing the distant whistles of the practice field; smelling the pungent crotch sweat from the jock over my head. I reckon those boys liked to kid around with me a lot. Them kids and the coaches used to yell at me cuz I'd made my own shoulder pads from milk cartons and I used to try to sneak into their drills. They'd sort of kick me in the ass and throw clipboards at me. Workin' on my quickness I suspect. I suspect they liked my gumption and that's why they tied me to the goalposts while they were bootin' extry points. Sort of an honor really. 

I was a goddamn wildcat! 

I can't wait to feel the clean air of a September night and see all of my fellow Texans and Americans stand together for the Stars and Stripes. Mad Dog leading the boys out as the crowd reaches a fever pitch. The Joe Jamail Arch. Mommas and Daddies with their young 'uns. Little baby kittens and sugar gliders everywhere. Crippled war veterans sobbing. Freddie Steinmark and Brian Piccolo smiling in Heaven. Celine Dionne singin' her little Quebecois heart out with that song from that boat movie. Are you gettin' choked up yet Horns? I could keep goin'.... 

I suppose I could put together all sorts of fancy analysis with data, depth charts, facts and statistics for this game but those boys who had their guts shot out on the bloody shores of Iwo Jima didn't need no fancy analysis. They were fighting so little girls could eat ice cream and wear ponytails; so that men in Weslaco could eat BBQ and get a vibratin' shoulder and neck massage after their haircut; worship their God if they damn well pleased; so that we could have lots of cable channels; so old women could walk down the streets safely in their babushkas without some Rice grad feeling them up through their Depends like a goddamn communist. 

No, those boys just prayed to their maker, looked at the Stars and Stripes, swelled out their chests and killed all those Rice sonsabitches. It's like when ol' William Travis knew he was in for a tussle at the Alamodome and he drew him a line in the sand with that saber and said "So who's gonna stay here and play the Mescans?" And every sonuvabitch there stepped 'cross that line cuz they wanted to play the Mescans even though they were undefeated and they didn't know how to defend the option. So I don't want to hear about Chad Richardson throwing the ball like a limp wristed queer or Rice's academic standards preventin' 'em from being competitive - we saw what Rice was capable of in World War II and I reckon a lion never chages its stripes. Thank God for McCarthur. 

So no Horns. I'm not going to talk all fancy schmancy like I think I'm better than you. I'm goin' to talk to y'all from the heart. Cuz I'm a straight shootin' sonovagun. I was thinking about the Owls the other day and a friend of mine made a comment that riled me but good. He said,"Them Owls sure are hard to hate, I mean, it's a good school and every buddy seems to git along with 'em nice." Well Horns I just about busted a gut. So I took the only logical recourse left to a real Texan: I threatened my friend with a non-specific lawsuit and keyed his car. When he'd seen the errors of his ways I told 'em why I hated Rice so goshdarn much. And now I'll tell you: 

I used to spend my summers picking mangoes and durians in the gentle rolling hills of Denton to make ends meet for my family. My Grand Maw Maw had been in poor health and the family needed to git her a new hypothalamus or else the doctors said she'd keep pissin' herself everytime we turned on the microwave. So I was out there a'pickin' them mangoes and durians in the hot North Texas sun when my pager went off. Grand Maw Maw needed her corns rubbed. So I quit my pickin' and set off to Community, stopping off at the Woolworth's to buy some liniment seed oil for Grand Maw Maw's roughed up feet. I was strollin' through the corridors with not a care in the world when I heard a commotion up yonder towards Grand Maw Maw's room. 

I didn't pay it no mind thinkin' that she was either watching Hee Haw and they were doin' the real funny part where them good ol' boys stand up in the cornpatch and she was guffawin' real hard and throwin' her IV trolley up in the air in joy, or maybe someone had just turned on a microwave yonder in the doctor's lounge and her hypothalamus was going ape$#@! on her. Damned if I knew. 

Well, I round the corner and what do I see but two ol boys in Rice sweatshirts playing catch over my Grand Maw Maw's bed with her colostomy bag. Now Horns, I'm not the biggest sonofabitch and a lot of people would have just let those boys play catch over their Grand Maw Maw with her own feces but I wasn't havin' it. I ran at them boys full speed and before they knew what had hit them I had produced several crisp documents from my atache case and had contacted my attorney using my speed dial on my cell phone. I handed one of 'em my cell phone with Mr. Minkowitz on the line. You should have seen them boys eyes bug out when I told them it was Maury Minkowitz from Minkowitz, Gomez, Qadaffi, Goldberg and Kornstein. They left faster than a mule in a glue factory and Maw Maw was saved. 

So yeah Horns, I hate Rice. And I hate pedophiles. If that makes me "unhip" then so be it. I don't give a damn. What you see is what you get. I'm coming in to the game Saturday so let me know if you need a place to stay. I'll be at the Motel Six near Chicon. Mebbe we can split a can of venetian sausage or somethin'. 

Texas 11 Rice 4 

Hook 'em.

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henrygandorf

henrygandorf 29223

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51 minutes ago, burntorangebongos said:

Elizabeth Warren needs to be named to unfuck everything.

in late january, 2021, out of necessity, a new cabinet post was invented - "the czar of unfucking everything".

it's expected to be an exhausting and thankless position.

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texas08

texas08 1599

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Fuck all this. Fucking criminals.

Dotard is shitting all over “law and order”, fuck off you piece of shit Republicans. Fuck every single one of you, even if you are a never Dotard Republican. All you fuckers enabled this through years of your fucked up policies. Die knowing you enabled the downfall of this country.

Fuck you.

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mdmost

mdmost 43856

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4 minutes ago, texas08 said:

Fuck all this. Fucking criminals.

Dotard is shitting all over “law and order”, fuck off you piece of shit Republicans. Fuck every single one of you, even if you are a never Dotard Republican. All you fuckers enabled this through years of your fucked up policies. Die knowing you enabled the downfall of this country.

Fuck you.

What will be great is if Biden wins, starting in late January 2021, Republicans will start expecting the Executive Branch to adhere to the rule of law again. 

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JimmyJames

JimmyJames 12271

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11 minutes ago, RomaVicta said:

Hmmm. How drunk did you get your dates? No means no. Unconsciousness does, too.

I remember when everything on sixth street cost a dollar. Dollar long necks,  dollar shots, dollar Pabst blue ribbon. Typically paid in cash at no cover joints (no cover meant no way for the TABC to prove otherwise).

There were some benefits to us broke college students thanks to money laundering operations. 

Doesn’t make me a rapist. 

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triplehorn

triplehorn 2664

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47 minutes ago, Hugo Stiglitz said:

An admission of guilt by Trump with this pardon.

Also, obstruction of justice, literally.

So with the commuted sentence (not actual pardon) Stone still carries the conviction, just no prison time.  Why a commuted sentence instead of pardon? It means he can’t be compelled to testify.  Same arrangement Scooter Libby got.

in Libby’s case, he still paid a fine and got disbarred.  Felony conviction won’t stop Stone from going right back into his groove.

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RomaVicta

RomaVicta 30510

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26 minutes ago, tx 3 putt said:

not everyone dates like you. im lazy, we go have margaritas after having sex 

I assumed it consensual. Just a little joke not a vendetta.

Liquor was never enough. I had to use tranquilizer darts and liquid benadryl.

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Chooky

Chooky 13338

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2 hours ago, Bama Chick said:

Dear lord.

 

This is why I'm fatigued. This level of abject stupidity is so intense with him that it leads to him believing he has distinct knowledge about things he just learned. Things that children who were awake during middle school already knew. His ignorance is exhausting when I can't find a way to laugh about it anymore. 

Imagine gaining a shallow piece of knowledge in a narrow scope and being dumb enough to believe you now have the ability to inform people. 

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tx 3 putt

tx 3 putt 78483

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20 minutes ago, RomaVicta said:

I assumed it consensual. Just a little joke not a vendetta.

Liquor was never enough. I had to use tranquilizer darts and liquid benadryl.

odessa girls have hollow legs, you'd go broke trying to liquor them up 

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Beantown Express 2.0

Beantown Express 2.0 6586

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4 minutes ago, BrickHorn said:

We were watching reruns of Futurama today and it occurred to me: Trump is Zapp Brannigan. 

That’s an insult to Zapp Brannigan, but the below exchange does sound like something Trump would do.
 

Zapp Brannigan: Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start. I guess all that remains now is for the captain to go down with the ship.

Kif: That's surprisingly noble of you, sir.

Zapp Brannigan: No, it's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

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Mdhorn

Mdhorn 6153

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20 minutes ago, Chooky said:

This is why I'm fatigued. This level of abject stupidity is so intense with him that it leads to him believing he has distinct knowledge about things he just learned. Things that children who were awake during middle school already knew. His ignorance is exhausting when I can't find a way to laugh about it anymore. 

Imagine gaining a shallow piece of knowledge in a narrow scope and being dumb enough to believe you now have the ability to inform people. 

He still hasn't learned that Abe didn't fight for the Confederate flag.  

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Francisco 2.0

Francisco 2.0 32545

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1 hour ago, mdmost said:

What will be great is if Biden wins, starting in late January 2021, Republicans will start expecting the Executive Branch to adhere to the rule of law again. 

Shit, if Biden wins, by early December you will have Team GOP going on their favorite media outlets saying that the Biden administration shouldn't expect to be above the rule of law, and oh by the way, the first thing that needs taken care of is the national debt, because it's just too high.

 

 

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