Jump to content

Shart 2020: Hindsight's a bitch

Prepuce of Doom

By Prepuce of Doom
in Lulz

 Share

Recommended Posts

ulukinatme

ulukinatme 1764

Posted
Posted

After a New Years party at my buddy's place I decided to walk the few miles home rather than sleep off my intoxication.  About halfway there the shits hit me.  I held it for about a mile, but a half mile from home there was no more holding back.  I dropped trow in the woods and left a mess everywhere.  Tried to clean my backside with leaves, but in my drunkenness I did a shitty job.  Walked the rest of the way home with poopy underpants.  Could have been worse.

  • Like 4
  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
'stache

'stache 21820

Posted
Posted (edited)

What about skidmarks? I get those occasionally but without an actual shart. I'm starting my training diet again of mostly veggies, fruits, and nuts, and I will be shitting a lot (in the toilet, not my pants), and wiping a lot, but history tells me skid marks will magically appear no matter how many and what type of wipes I use. And yes, I'm considering the bidet route, I'm aware of the thread. 

Edited by 'stache
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Js1

Js1 85420

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, 'stache said:

What about skidmarks? I get those occasionally but without an actual shart. I'm starting my training diet again of mostly veggies, fruits, and nuts, and I will be shitting a lot (in the toilet, not my pants), and wiping a lot, but history tells me skid marks will magically appear no matter how many and what type of wipes I use. And yes, I'm considering the bidet route, I'm aware of the thread. 

spacer.png

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 21907

Posted
Posted

I think we need to start this thread off right for the new year and post what actually constitutes a shart. Like its name implies it consists of a fart combined with a shit. It’s not skid marks, shitting in the woods, and most definitely not just crapping your pants. If no fart is involved then it’s not a shart. Get your shit together people.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Jhawk

Jhawk 1075

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, 'stache said:

What about skidmarks? I get those occasionally but without an actual shart. I'm starting my training diet again of mostly veggies, fruits, and nuts, and I will be shitting a lot (in the toilet, not my pants), and wiping a lot, but history tells me skid marks will magically appear no matter how many and what type of wipes I use. And yes, I'm considering the bidet route, I'm aware of the thread. 

I stopped having railroad tracks when I switched to exclusively black boxer briefs. Just bought 20 of the exact same pair. I also learned to wipe my ass. Here’s the ass wiping index for your needs:

1. Bidet

2. Wet wipes

3. Not the softest paper but one that is ribbed. This will give you extra surface area. 

3A. Use the fold method. Typically 5-6 sheets folded in half. Then wipe. Then fold in half and wipe again. If efficient you can get 3 folds per 6 squares. Use your index finger to really get in there. 

3B. The super wad. Not advised.

4. Single ply

5. Underwear goes in the trash. 

I’m guessing you’re somewhere between 3B and 5 on a regular basis.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites
hundredTT

hundredTT 578

Posted
Posted

I had a Jan 1st shart, my first ever. Was so hungover all day with the runs, and had a bad cough. Was sitting up in my bed on my laptop passing out and coughed and farted. I was so out of it I didn't realize it was a shart. This is fucking gross, but I started to feel a little wetness. I walk to the bathroom and realize there was a spot that went through my  basketball shorts even. I go to the bed, and there is a shart stain that went through the sheet and bed liner. Wife is out of town thank God. That was honestly embarrassing as fuck lol. Luckily the mattress was safe. I'm a believer now. 

  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Thetexashammer

Thetexashammer 1062

Posted
Posted
Just now, hundredTT said:

I had a Jan 1st shart, my first ever. Was so hungover all day with the runs, and had a bad cough. Was sitting up in my bed on my laptop passing out and coughed and farted. I was so out of it I didn't realize it was a shart. This is fucking gross, but I started to feel a little wetness. I walk to the bathroom and realize there was a spot that went through my  basketball shorts even. I go to the bed, and there is a shart stain that went through the sheet and bed liner. Wife is out of town thank God. That was honestly embarrassing as fuck lol. Luckily the mattress was safe. I'm a believer now. 

Amateur.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13253

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, 'stache said:

What about skidmarks? I get those occasionally but without an actual shart. I'm starting my training diet again of mostly veggies, fruits, and nuts, and I will be shitting a lot (in the toilet, not my pants), and wiping a lot, but history tells me skid marks will magically appear no matter how many and what type of wipes I use. And yes, I'm considering the bidet route, I'm aware of the thread. 

You are just considering a bidet? 

You'll make up for the cost of the bidet in toilet paper savings within the first year (not even going to factor in the cost of new underwear Mr shitty pants).

Also you will finally be rid of your until now inexplicable itchy asshole and you might even get your balloon knot tongued by a lovely young lady.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Jhawk

Jhawk 1075

Posted
Posted
44 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

You are just considering a bidet? 

You'll make up for the cost of the bidet in toilet paper savings within the first year (not even going to factor in the cost of new underwear Mr shitty pants).

Also you will finally be rid of your until now inexplicable itchy asshole and you might even get your balloon knot tongued by a lovely young lady.

 

It’s been a long time since I’ve had my ass licked. I miss it. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Doze

Doze 1322

Posted
Posted
On 1/2/2020 at 1:19 AM, ulukinatme said:

After a New Years party at my buddy's place I decided to walk the few miles home rather than sleep off my intoxication.  About halfway there the shits hit me.  I held it for about a mile, but a half mile from home there was no more holding back.  I dropped trow in the woods and left a mess everywhere.  Tried to clean my backside with leaves, but in my drunkenness I did a shitty job.  Walked the rest of the way home with poopy underpants.  Could have been worse.

spacer.png

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Txslnghrns

Txslnghrns 1354

Posted
Posted

Hadn’t sharted since about ‘12 and came very close today. Had some fettuccine Alfredo for lunch after church at a local Italian joint. The type where you can get a slice of pie for about tree fiddy, four bucks. Fast forward a few hours and I’m walking out the door to go run some errands and felt what I thought was a fart. Lo and behold it was not. Luckily I clenched up fast enough and made it to the toilet. But it was by the narrowest of margins.

http://media1.tenor.com/images/8559ad2fe73b0bb65fbebe1f9f0978ce/tenor.gif?itemid=4867990

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

Posted
Posted

What brand do y'all recommend for those toilet-safe wipes?  I've been putting off placing them in the wash closet but I'm getting older and my ass is getting harrier.  No reason not to embrace the technology.  Nothing too industrial, I have a pretty mild digestive tract than most on this thread.  But something for my delicate skin.  What brand would Mohammed recommend?  

Link to comment
Share on other sites
DougO

DougO 5250

Posted
Posted

A couple of years ago I started eating strawberries, blueberries and pecans for breakfast every day. I also drink a big glass of Benefiber/water and a cup of coffee. About an hour later I shit a hugeass moose log. I have never been more regular in my life. No more sharts or mid-day ibs attacks since then.

 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Blotto

Blotto 23559

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, Lobo said:

What brand do y'all recommend for those toilet-safe wipes?  I've been putting off placing them in the wash closet but I'm getting older and my ass is getting harrier.  No reason not to embrace the technology.  Nothing too industrial, I have a pretty mild digestive tract than most on this thread.  But something for my delicate skin.  What brand would Mohammed recommend?  

spacer.png

Seems kind of awesome, but I can certainly understand how all that new found power would take the shart risk to an 11.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

Posted
Posted
On 1/6/2020 at 12:59 AM, Blotto said:

spacer.png

Seems kind of awesome, but I can certainly understand how all that new found power would take the shart risk to an 11.

really dude?  Spelling smack talk on a thread about grown men dropping liquid heat in their own undergarments?  

But yeah, that's funny.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Js1 said:

You of all people are not immune to spelling criticisms. No one is. Especially considering you shart all over this board. 

That’s strange, I never think of you at all.

but this morning I could see you in my mind’s eye.  You were waking up, greeting the day, and just waiting to suck.  

Edited by Lobo
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Prepuce of Doom

Prepuce of Doom 21080

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Doomlet (4,m) has been farting on purpose, as a way of communicating, and on people every chance he gets for the past 6 weeks or so. 

I warned him not to press his luck, but today he finally learned the reason why. 

Sounds like Mrs. Doom might have dodged a bullet. 

 

Screenshot_20200107-191537_Message+.jpg

Edited by Prepuce of Doom
  • Like 6
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Zombie

Zombie 284

Posted
Posted

Caught a bug last week along with a cough. I made the mistake of taking a nighttime cough medicine that knocked me out. I ended up waking up to sharting myself 5 or 6 times that night each requiring a boxer change. Perhaps not technically sharting. Longest night of my life.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Sbbruin

Sbbruin 21861

Posted
Posted

Last night was a close one.  Got up in the middle of the night, took a piss and was about to fart when something didn’t feel quite right. Sat down and liquid death blew from me.  No idea where it came from, but had I not heeded the warning, I’d most certainly have shit myself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing


Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business and Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Subscribe!... Donate!... Advertise... COOKIE MONSTER!

×
×
  • Create New...