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Posted
9 hours ago, Jerry Callo said:

Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

Busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.

  • Like 1
Posted

Just used “you don’t know shit from shinola” on a thread a minute ago.

When someone lectures me in my work I like to say, “I may have fallen off the turnip truck but it wasn’t yesterday” right before I give them a strong retort.

Posted

Life is like a roll of toilet paper the closer you get to the end the faster it goes.

Not sure that’s a countryism but my country grandmother used to say it to me.

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Posted (edited)

Shit, I use the rat killing one all the time.  I don't think of it as country, but damned if it isn't.  

Also: Here comes Blister.  (The guy who always shows up after the hard work is finished.  He didn't contribute, but you'll sure know that he's there now.)

Edited by Scheiss Meister
Posted
On 1/24/2020 at 1:21 PM, Elvis said:

So I'm in need of a good countryism. 

 

My son's are 10 and 6 and I coach and scout them, so I'm around a lot of kids.  I've got most of them saying yes sir and yes coach, but my pet peeve is when I address them, and they instinctively look up and say "what?"  without thinking.  I've been telling them "listen here, I'll never ask you a question that the answer is: what."  Sometimes I'll follow up with "unless I ask you to name a unit of power".  (Watt).

Help me make these knuckleheads feel stupid.

If you asked my granddad "what?" he would ask you if you thought you were a GD light bulb.

CHIEF

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Posted
20 hours ago, CHIEF said:

If you asked my granddad "what?" he would ask you if you thought you were a GD light bulb.

CHIEF

That was the dad of one of my buddies. You a effin' lightbulb?

Posted
When we would say "hey!", my mom would always say "Hay's cheaper than corn."  Never really understood what it meant, other than hay is really cheaper than corn.
 
Oh - and if we asked "Why" about something, she would say "Cat fur, want a pair of kitten britches?"  Doesn't make a lot of sense either.
It was when we asked "What for?" (said what fur?) that she would answer about the kitten britches, which makes more sense.

Tough titty said the kitty when the milk when dry. Said in response to when you couldn’t get more of something.
Posted
17 hours ago, Stormandy said:

My piles are hanging so low, when I wiped my ass I thought I was shaking hands with myself.

 

My granddad, same as the one above, used to have a rock in his pocket and would ask you to kiss it for good luck, then tell you he used it to push in his "piles". Of course, none of us knew what piles were until we asked.

CHIEF

  • 3 weeks later...
Posted

Anything golf:  ___________ pasture pool.

Cameltoes:  Cow stepped in mud

Poor:  We'uz so poor daddy used to make all us boys stand on the porch and jack off to feed the dogs .......   then we had to jack the dogs off to feed the cats.

  • 1 year later...
Posted (edited)
On 1/12/2020 at 10:06 AM, Scheiss Meister said:

Yeehaw finally  I can buck like  Five  bit  snake  Herder in an Appaloosa ranch house again

On 1/12/2020 at 6:52 PM, The Dude said:

 

Edited by Cody Wilcox
  • Fuck Around and Find Out 1
Posted

The president of our division was from the south and had one for every occasion. My favorite was “he’s more nervous than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.”

Posted

My dad was raised in Olney, Texas. I could probably write a book on Texas-isms.

Quick story. Archer City is about 15 minutes from Olney and is where The Last Picture Show & Texasville were filmed. During the filming of Texasville, Jeff Bridges and Randy Quaid would eat down at the Dairy Queen and spend their spare time "Shooting the shit" with the locals. Cybill Shepherd mostly stayed in her trailer. Supposedly she had her food flown in from Dallas.

 

Come hell or high water. (Speaking of Jeff Bridges)

More than you can shake a stick at.

He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Son were you raised in a barn?

There's no slack in his rope.

Well look what the cat drug in.

Colder than a witch's tit.

I feel ya but I just can't reach ya.

Sick as a dog.

Further than a country mile.

We're burnin' daylight.

She'll talk your ear off.

I wouldn't trust him any further than I could chunk him.

Well ain't he in tall cotton.

She got on him like a chicken on a June bug.

That sure is a big o' snake.

I swear to god you could tear up a steel ball.

Boy I'll knock you into next week.

Worthless as tits on a bull.

They don't put pockets in a casket. (You can't take it with, so enjoy life.)

 

 

Posted

Can’t run out of sight in a day 

Runs too long in the same place

Take your time leaving (a favorite of my grandmother’s when we got up to leave. She would stand in the doorway and waved at us while we backed out of the driveway and until we drove out of sight)

From can to can’t 

Weight is what broke the bridge down (a favorite of my dad’s when I told him to wait or hold on)

She could suck the chrome off of a trailer hitch

Take a long walk on a short pier

Posted (edited)

when you see a guy driving a new pickup or sporting anything you like that you don't have

"I wished I had that, and he had a feather up his ass....we would both be tickled then"

Edited by Hpara759

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