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Time to Oust Cornyn

pyrohornIII

By pyrohornIII
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So, believe it or not, more than a couple of readers have sent me messages/emails suggesting that I run for Cornyn's seat in six years. It's a crazy idea.  But when I get such messages in the future,

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I’m a 4th generation Texan and I’m fucking embarrassed cause of fuckwads like you. You’re not ashamed of our representatives, that whole power thing that made our state uninhabitable, Hot wheels someh

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Mrs Whiggins

Mrs Whiggins 13050

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In the How Dense Can You Be category, a strong year end finish for Texas senator, John Cornyn:

 

 

John finally had a smack upside the head and posted the following tweet an hour later after he was blasted in the comments for displaying a photo of a $125 steak that would buy over 100 bags of long grain rice, or cans of beans, or about 100 pounds of chicken. John, you're certainly not denied the opportunity to celebrate Christmas with your family, but a tour through classic literature may be in your best interest. May I suggest A Tale of Two Cities as a first course?

 

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Mrs Whiggins

Mrs Whiggins 13050

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4 minutes ago, TornACL said:

I'm just shocked that he didn't appear to cook (ruin) that tenderloin to medium-well.

FIFY

Are we certain that Cornyn prepares any of his own meals? That Christmas gift may have been delivered ready to carve and eat. We know Sandy C probably didn't cook it or it would've been brown and slathered with catsup.

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TornACL

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46 minutes ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

FIFY

Are we certain that Cornyn prepares any of his own meals? That Christmas gift may have been delivered ready to carve and eat. We know Sandy C probably didn't cook it or it would've been brown and slathered with catsup.

Good point. 

I just laugh that he talks of people being sensitive, but he's going on a week of trying to defend himself against some playful trolling about his terrible brisket. 

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Francisco 2.0

Francisco 2.0 32386

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The BBQ columnist for Texas Monthly attempted to replicate Cornyn's brisket.

 

https://www.texasmonthly.com/bbq/what-happened-when-i-attempted-a-cornynd-beef-brisket/

 

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A few days ago, I publicly sought out Senator John Cornyn’s brisket recipe—or, more accurately, that of his wife, Sandy Cornyn. “Don’t do this Daniel,” implored Twitter user @NTenney, who had seen Cornyn’s now infamous brisket photo from Christmas Eve night.

 

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Cornyn has since been roasted pretty mercilessly during the past week. The image was lit as harshly as the reactions—his Tweet has elicited almost 13,000 comments so far, most of them negative. A Pyrex dish filled with a presliced brisket was coated in a thick red sauce that made it look like a cross between a meat loaf and a McRib without the bun. Outlets from the Austin-American Statesman to Sputnik News covered the reaction from Texans wondering if they’d ever seen brisket in such a light. The Houston Chronicle carried two stories, including a more supportive one Wednesday from Erica Grieder—I’m quoted in her article as saying that I was relieved Cornyn never used barbecue’s name in vain in relation to the dish, which he called a brisket family tradition. “I’m glad that he didn’t call it barbecue,” I told Grieder.

 

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Posting the photo in the first place seemed like a naive political move for a native Texan who represents a state synonymous with smoked brisket. The urgency of the brisket blowback elicited a more concerning follow-up tweet on Christmas Day in which Cornyn insisted the brisket was the “best I ever had,” while at the same time attributing the recipe to his wife.

 

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A similar image from the kitchen of a Connecticut senator wouldn’t have raised eyebrows, but then neither did the same Sandy Cornyn brisket that the senator posted in a series of photos to his personal Instagram page in January 2018 and again in February 2019 (the former of which also received a shout-out in a 2018 Dallas Morning News article). Those seven photos were arguably less appetizing than the most recent, and in total they amassed 556 likes and 20 comments, all of them positive. Maybe that says something about Twitter’s viciousness, or the fact that many Texans identify brisket as purely a barbecue food. Or maybe the time was just ripe for a frustrated populace to lash out at the Senate, which seemed to have stood between them and financial relief these past few months. Perhaps Cornyn’s dish just became the whipping brisket.

 

Spoiler

I was still curious about the brisket. How did it taste? Main courses don’t normally become family traditions if they’re terrible. Although the image of the Cornyn family brisket reminded me of the presliced smoked brisket sitting in a warming tray inside an Uptown Dallas Whole Foods from a few years back, I still wanted to re-create it as best I could at home and requested the full recipe in a series of tweets to Cornyn so I could honor the original version as much as possible. Cornyn’s communications director, Drew Brandewie, offered to ask for the recipe in a kind reply to a cold text. Brandewie said he was a fan of my work, but maybe Senator Cornyn isn’t if a baked brisket is the best kind he’s ever eaten. I didn’t get the recipe, and as with most tweets constituents send to Cornyn, I didn’t receive a tweet in reply.

Kuby’s in Dallas sells raw brisket flats, and it was happy to get rid of a half of one sitting in the meat case. I assumed Cornyn’s wasn’t a whole packer brisket from the photo, and this way I would be risking only 4.22 pounds of beef in an experiment that was beginning to feel like Pandora’s brisket. The 2018 brisket photos from Cornyn’s IG show pretty clear evidence of onion soup packet(s?), and Cornyn offers a few steps in yet another follow-up tweet: “This recipe calls for 3 1/2 hours in the oven; refrigerate then trim all visible fat; cut into slices; then another 1 1/2 hours in the oven.” He addressed this message to “the sensitive types,” which I took personally as I studied it with great interest.

The closest published brisket recipe I could find was “twice-baked beef brisket with onions,” printed in the California-based Sunset magazine. It was sent to me by Twitter user @maroonish99 (obviously a sensitive type too), and the steps seemed to match the partial method laid out by Cornyn’s tweet, minus the barbecue sauce. I was giddy, and eagerly put the brisket in the oven last night. As I watched a movie with the family, the red wine, onions, and beef perfumed the whole house. Both alarmed and hopeful, I asked my family, “Is this thing gonna be good?”

The multiple steps required make this recipe easier to execute over two days. The brisket cooks for a long while in the oven and then needs to be cooled completely in the refrigerator in order to (trigger warning to all barbecue lovers) “trim all visible fat,” per Cornyn’s instructions. That step is the first red flag, and the next is to slice the entire brisket before putting it back into the oven to finish cooking. The flat side of a brisket is already lean. Fat provides both moisture and flavor, so removing all of it seems counterintuitive if you want delicious, juicy beef. Still, I continued.

The final step before baking the brisket the second time is applying a a layer of barbecue sauce. Cornyn said his is a homemade sauce. From the photo, it definitely seems to have ketchup, so I chose a bottled sauce (which I will not name to eliminate any sort of undesired association) with ketchup as the first ingredient. Ninety minutes later, I was ready to eat.

The completed brisket looked like a frosted cake when I first uncovered it. If the smell of the brisket in the oven was the $2,000 stimulus check you were hoping for, the flavor of the finished product was the $600 you’re really getting. It was filling and didn’t taste offensive, but boy was it dry. Slices I laid out for a photo looked like the vegetable protein seitan, and then resembled scorched seitan sixty seconds later. Like a lost child I had hoped to reunite with its mother, I had saved the rendered beef fat in the refrigerator. I melted a bit in a frying pan to grill some white bread, and used it for the base of a brisket and pickle sandwich. The brisket needed more sauce, but that bread was damn good.

It’s hard to place this brisket in a ranking of barbecue faux pas by Texas politicians. Texas agriculture commissioner Sid Miller’s barbecue scale battle failed so miserably that they took his name off all those gas pumps stickers for good measure. Governor Greg Abbott apologized to Texans for suggesting that sauce was the most important thing about barbecue. In the end, the only thing “barbecue” about Cornyn’s recipe is the sauce, and in my version, it would have been better without it (and without removing all the fat, and without slicing it before it went back into the oven).

There are two barbecue-related issues more pressing than whether Cornyn’s brisket is any good. First, I’m worried that a certain senator from Texas will invite foreign dignitaries from say, Pennsylvania, to his home for brisket, and they’ll go back to their cheesesteak-loving friends disparaging Texas brisket with far too much ammunition. The second issue is more of pity. I just prepared and ate a brisket that a senator in Texas, a state with more spectacular brisket to choose from than any other, said was the best he’s ever had. As Grieder suggested in her article, I don’t disparage the senator for enjoying his family traditions, but I also see it as my duty to offer a challenger: I hereby volunteer to provide a fine Texas-smoked brisket to Senator Cornyn at his next town hall. Just let me know when it gets on the schedule, Senator.

 

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Mrs Whiggins

Mrs Whiggins 13050

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2 minutes ago, burntorangebongos said:

 

WTF? Willfully blind as fuck. Jeezus, I hate this guy. 

Uh-huh. He was just fine with going along, even if he took two steps back so the spray of sedition wouldn't land on him. I don't know if he scrubbed any of his tweets or if he stayed back from the fray because he was still smarting from the Great Brisket Debacle of 2020.

 

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pyrohornIII

pyrohornIII 4814

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This man is such a waffling fool.  Is there some contest between him and Cruz to embarrass Texas the most?  

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/jan/23/senate-republican-john-cornyn-impeachment-trump-past-democratic-presidents

Senate Republican threatens impeachments of past Democratic presidents

  • John Cornyn directs threat to majority leader Chuck Schumer
Quote

“If it is a good idea to impeach and try former presidents, what about former Democratic presidents when Republicans get the majority in 2022?” Cornyn, a 19-year veteran of the Senate who last year tried to distance himself from Trump when it seemed his seat was at risk, tweeted at majority leader Chuck Schumer.

“Think about it and let’s do what is best for the country.”

John seriously?  Who?  Obama can't run again, Clinton?  Carter?   

 

What a fucking idiot this tool is.   I thought he was playing it smart not going with the Cruz Putsch... but he just doubled down on dumb. 

 

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Mrs Whiggins

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6 hours ago, pyrohornIII said:

This man is such a waffling fool.  Is there some contest between him and Cruz to embarrass Texas the most?  

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/jan/23/senate-republican-john-cornyn-impeachment-trump-past-democratic-presidents

Senate Republican threatens impeachments of past Democratic presidents

  • John Cornyn directs threat to majority leader Chuck Schumer

John seriously?  Who?  Obama can't run again, Clinton?  Carter?   

 

What a fucking idiot this tool is.   I thought he was playing it smart not going with the Cruz Putsch... but he just doubled down on dumb. 

 

Trump is not the only one who, when faced with no accountability, stays the course and behaves worse. Cornyn is safe now that he's been re-elected so he's back to his old routine.

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lemonlime

lemonlime 5503

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I can't wait to "what about" every single criticism brought by the GOP of Biden.

Also,absolutely shocking that a lawyer who worked with another lawyer got a government job as a lawyer.  Fuck all that nepotism. Especially shocking since they are from a small mom and pop firm of 2700 lawyers and only the fourth largest in the country.

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The Royal We

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18 minutes ago, lemonlime said:

I can't wait to "what about" every single criticism brought by the GOP of Biden.

Also,absolutely shocking that a lawyer who worked with another lawyer got a government job as a lawyer.  Fuck all that nepotism. Especially shocking since they are from a small mom and pop firm of 2700 lawyers and only the fourth largest in the country.

So much this.  These assbags have no shame - is there any actual news in this story?

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PenelopeWitherspoon

PenelopeWitherspoon 19100

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Cornyn has to be in the top 10 for being ratioed on Twitter.   He just keeps stupidly setting himself up over and over.  Our two senators live in much different worlds than most of the people they supposedly represent.  The comments, as usual, are great.
 
I know it's been mentioned, but I'd love for pols to have to wear patches on their suits of their "sponsors." You know, like NASCAR.
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Biff Tannen

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42 minutes ago, pyrohornIII said:

Cornyn has to be in the top 10 for being ratioed on Twitter.   He just keeps stupidly setting himself up over and over.  Our two senators live in much different worlds than most of the people they supposedly represent.  The comments, as usual, are great.

 

He also is blaming the power outages in Texas on renewables.  I had to respond to that one.  Couldn't take it.

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Chooky

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1 hour ago, pyrohornIII said:

Cornyn has to be in the top 10 for being ratioed on Twitter.   He just keeps stupidly setting himself up over and over.  Our two senators live in much different worlds than most of the people they supposedly represent.  The comments, as usual, are great.

 

So at least once a month now Cornyn has to self own on Twitter?  

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Biff Tannen

Biff Tannen 45664

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1 hour ago, Foosters said:

Texans in general seem to delight when disaster strikes CA. Lots of jokes and shit talking when the state was on fire and people were dying.

I am not one of those general texans and that is fucked up. Granted, I’m more pissed about the destruction of public lands than people and property, but still. 

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Mdhorn

Mdhorn 5945

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1 hour ago, Bama Chick said:


Yeah.

And this seems relevant to that and Cornyn’s hot take.

 

 

 

 

Pretty akin to farmers against Socialism while collecting farming subsidies.  Call them out publicly on it--Dems have the pulpits now to make the message loud and clear.  And repeat.  

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