My families Great American Adventure

[77horn 216]

 

[royiv 9742]

Nothing says 'Murica quite like banging your wife in an RV parked in a Walmart parking lot on the 4th of July when your kid walks in.

[Wulaw Horn 19565]

56 minutes ago, royiv said:

Nothing says 'Murica quite like banging your wife in an RV parked in a Walmart parking lot on the 4th of July when your kid walks in.

My wife said this is a real low point in her life. I told her she mispronounced high point. ‘Merica- fuck yeah!  How else were we supposed to top off drinking beer and smoking cigarettes while watching fire works from a distance away in a Walmart parking lot while listing to patriotic American songs?  Life well lived if you ask me. 

[justhookit 4206]

18 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

How old were you?  I'd say it's pretty good, or was, for kids 10-12 and under if they have any affinity for history and revolutionary life.  I mostly liked seeing the 200 year old buildings and how people lived back then.

I was around 15. Did that side trip as part of visiting Duke, UNC, and UVA to see if I had any interest in attending those schools. I didn’t.

[TwiceHorn 32029]

33 minutes ago, justhookit said:

I was around 15. Did that side trip as part of visiting Duke, UNC, and UVA to see if I had any interest in attending those schools. I didn’t.

Haha yeah, nailed it.  I can totally see that.

[Hank_Hill 19875]

Not having a spot on the 4th is a big L. But getting laid is dub city. Call it a wash.

[Wulaw Horn 19565]

1 hour ago, Hank_Hill said:

Not having a spot on the 4th is a big L. But getting laid is dub city. Call it a wash.

Yeah. But you got to fight with the army you got. Learned that in Gettysburg on the 4th.in the Poconos now for the week. Which I guess beats 97 degrees in Gettysburg. I guess. Anyway back to work for me after just a beautiful week in Virginia where I decided I was more or less on vacation. 

[BevoSwag 272]

@Wulaw Horn  I'm not sure if this has been mentioned or if interested but I came across this today in the Chronicle.  Membership based clubs to save money on nightly campground fees.

Escapees RV 15-50% discounts at more than 800 commercial parks.

For $44 annually, Passport America offers discounts about 50% offat more than 1800 campgrounds

https://www.chron.com/life/article/The-right-way-to-take-an-RV-trip-15385113.php

[Incredulity 11863]

This is percolating nicely.  

 

Obviously, I am a fan of this adventure. 

 

Keep making the memories.  If it all has to stop tomorrow you are WAY ahead in that department.

[Incredulity 11863]

Also, if getting laid in the WalMart parking lot is wrong...  

[Wulaw Horn 19565]

So, this is now where the sex will happen. Either that or the truck. Or else I put the 9 year old in there and then do it. Stabbin cabin no longer in full force and effect. 

Edited July 6, 2020 by Wulaw Horn

[Incredulity 11863]

59 minutes ago, Wulaw Horn said:

So, this is now where the sex will happen. Either that or the truck. Or else I put the 9 year old in there and then do it. Stabbin cabin no longer in full force and effect. 

Neg’d

[Hank_Hill 19875]

Shove the kids in the tent and let them hear the suspension reach its breaking point.

[Wulaw Horn 19565]

1 hour ago, Incredulity said:

Neg’d

I flew too close to the sun. Like Icarus. 

[Incredulity 11863]

39 minutes ago, Wulaw Horn said:

I flew too close to the sun. Like Icarus. 

All I can say is my paternal grandfather grew up on a farm and they had 10 people in a 1 room “house”.  So the kids can get over some bump and grind. Obviously use as much discretion as possible.

[washparkhorn 9972]

6 hours ago, Wulaw Horn said:

So, this is now where the sex will happen. Either that or the truck. Or else I put the 9 year old in there and then do it. Stabbin cabin no longer in full force and effect. 

Tents work well for adult activity.

[baboso 6104]

Roll her over, Dad, I want puppies!

[Wulaw Horn 19565]

I just banged my wife in a pup tent at 7:30 am. That was a first. And now, because I’m the kind of guy that has morning sex in a pup tent so that my kids don’t fee an rv shaking, and because I now live in RV parks and Walmart’s, and because I’m 41 (42 in 6 days) and don’t give a fuck, I decided that I could sore the $4.87 and own this glorious shirt.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[tx ind 7056]

[CooterBrown 18274]

You could wear that shirt when banging the wife in the RV. If a kid walks in, just point at the shirt and carry on.

[royiv 9742]

Did you sleep in the tent or did you wake-up, go outside to the tent and commence banging? If the latter, do you tell the kids that mommy and daddy are going outside to snuggle in the tent and do not disturb? What do you tell the kids the purpose of the tent is? 

[Native Horn 3574]

3 minutes ago, royiv said:

Did you sleep in the tent or did you wake-up, go outside to the tent and commence banging? If the latter, do you tell the kids that mommy and daddy are going outside to snuggle in the tent and do not disturb? What do you tell the kids the purpose of the tent is? 

Dear Penthouse....

[royiv 9742]

1 minute ago, Native Horn said:

Dear Penthouse....

Let's just say the logistics of this whole thing fascinate me. I applaud the effort @Wulaw Horn is putting into this adventure. This is one of my favorite threads from a pure entertainment standpoint.

[Wulaw Horn 19565]

2 hours ago, royiv said:

Did you sleep in the tent or did you wake-up, go outside to the tent and commence banging? If the latter, do you tell the kids that mommy and daddy are going outside to snuggle in the tent and do not disturb? What do you tell the kids the purpose of the tent is? 

Slept in rv, went out to bang while they were asleep, told them we were watching the sun rise when they were awake and asked where we were. 

[Wulaw Horn 19565]

2 hours ago, royiv said:

Did you sleep in the tent or did you wake-up, go outside to the tent and commence banging? If the latter, do you tell the kids that mommy and daddy are going outside to snuggle in the tent and do not disturb? What do you tell the kids the purpose of the tent is? 

For fun. They play in it. 

[EE2B 1569]

Hope you sprayed some air freshener in there after you got done. What kid wants to play in a tent that smells like badussy?

[Scary Stranger 1724]

[Updawg 2378]

Daddy, I heard a bear attacking a squirrel

[SHOOTER12 8883]

{Jerry}"What's the deal with dead bolt locks? Do you have to be dead to use them? Or do you just feel like dying when you forget to use them?  Or just die from embarrassment?{Seinfeld}

[Covri 6367]

If that’s a new shirt why does it look so old and worn out?

 

Please tell me you spray down the tent with some Lysol or at least febreeze before letting the kids play in it after you took a ride to poon town. 

[washparkhorn 9972]

3 hours ago, Wulaw Horn said:

Slept in rv, went out to bang while they were asleep, told them we were watching the sun rise when they were awake and asked where we were. 

[Landomatic 3813]

On 7/5/2020 at 8:30 PM, Wulaw Horn said:

So, this is now where the sex will happen. Either that or the truck. Or else I put the 9 year old in there and then do it. Stabbin cabin no longer in full force and effect. 

Didn’t you say you’re pushing 3 bills?  And you’re bangin in that little thing?  Jeez at what point do you not just sneak off into the woods alone and rub one out?

[Wulaw Horn 19565]

3 hours ago, EE2B said:

Hope you sprayed some air freshener in there after you got done. What kid wants to play in a tent that smells like badussy?

An awesome kid!  

[Wulaw Horn 19565]

1 hour ago, Covri said:

If that’s a new shirt why does it look so old and worn out?

 

Please tell me you spray down the tent with some Lysol or at least febreeze before letting the kids play in it after you took a ride to poon town. 

I mean, I don’t know, ask Walmart?  My wife loooooved the shirt- said, and I quote, that shirt is like a giant flashing neon billboard that says, “I love Donald Trump”. Then she told me I could only wear it certain places. I said- oh, like any rv park or Walmart in the country?  She thought about it and said “you win, that shirt is completely appropriate for the absurdity that is this trip for the next 14 months or however long we are out on the road. So I got that going for me, which is nice. 
I went back to said Walmart today looking for a wolf shirt because if you have this shirt you clearly also need a wolf shirt, but alas, they didn’t have one. Hope springs eternal, I’m now on the lookout for a wolf shirt I can buy anywhere in America for less than $8.00. 

[Wulaw Horn 19565]

15 minutes ago, Landomatic said:

Didn’t you say you’re pushing 3 bills?  And you’re bangin in that little thing?  Jeez at what point do you not just sneak off into the woods alone and rub one out?

I am the most GD athletic fat man you ever could imagine. I can still play a decent SS in beer league softball, and can do a standing backflip into the pool without killing myself. Also, made the 4.5 mile hike to waterfall like it was nothing. 
If there is poontang involved I’m not going to be denied. 2 times in the last 54 hours. #winning. 

[SHOOTER12 8883]

4 hours ago, Wulaw Horn said:

Slept in rv, went out to bang while they were asleep, told them we were watching the sun rise when they were awake and asked where we were. 

That's the stuff heroes are made of right there ladies and gentlemen.

[SHOOTER12 8883]

1 hour ago, Covri said:

If that’s a new shirt why does it look so old and worn out?

 

Do you even distressed bro?

[bernorange 8385]

On 7/5/2020 at 12:30 PM, Wulaw Horn said:

... parking lot while listing to patriotic American songs?  ... 

Is that Freedom Rock?  Well turn it up, man!

[RPM 26585]

I hope you're documenting the hell out of this trip beyond this thread. I'm 100% serious, you have a best seller book/movie unfolding before you. It's inspirational, educational, funny and loads of schadenfreude. The Great American Adventure is a perfect working title. Charles Kuralt would be jealous.

[Incredulity 11863]

43 minutes ago, RPM said:

I hope you're documenting the hell out of this trip beyond this thread. I'm 100% serious, you have a best seller book/movie unfolding before you. It's inspirational, educational, funny and loads of schadenfreude. The Great American Adventure is a perfect working title. Charles Kuralt would be jealous.

one of the chapters has to be titled, "the fuck tent or: how I learned to stop worrying and enjoy a rock in the rear"

[Native Horn 3574]

1 hour ago, RPM said:

I hope you're documenting the hell out of this trip beyond this thread. I'm 100% serious, you have a best seller book/movie unfolding before you. It's inspirational, educational, funny and loads of schadenfreude. The Great American Adventure is a perfect working title. Charles Kuralt would be jealous.

RPM for literary agent!  Fantastic idea.

[RPM 26585]

At least start a YouTube channel! You can just post the boring stuff and still get tons of views. Mailbox money is objectionable? Improvise, adapt... profit?

[baboso 6104]

Goddammit, Wulaw.  You can't be spending almost $5 on shit like that shirt and hope to keep to budget.  Sacrifices must be made.  Fuck.

[CooterBrown 18274]

At least start a YouTube channel! You can just post the boring stuff and still get tons of views. Mailbox money is objectionable? Improvise, adapt... profit?

Yep and set up a Patreon account. Weirdos will pay you a monthly subscription fee to watch your misadventures.

[Sam Lin 3595]

8 minutes ago, CooterBrown said:

Yep and set up a Patreon account. Weirdos will pay you a monthly subscription fee to watch your misadventures. have sex in a tent.

Corrected for Patreon.

[dcbc 14644]

I'm still a bit confused about the use of a tent for banging when a cheap locking latch screwed into the door could prevent kids from walking in and serve as a learning experience for them to sit outside and cope with what they have learned (education, see) on this adventure.  

"Kids, when a man and woman love each other very much, or (insert your lesser version of this, i.e., 'have had a couple of shots') whatever, . . . . "

Then, bang away.  They'll learn that it's an unspoken thing between them (the dependents) and you guys (the people who make the rules and the sexy time).  They'll appreciate the house all the more when this is over.

Edited July 9, 2020 by dcbc

[Wulaw Horn 19565]

8 minutes ago, dcbc said:

I'm still a bit confused about the use of a tent for banging when a cheap locking latch screwed into the door could prevent kids from walking in and serve as a learning experience for them to sit outside and cope with what they have learned (education, see) on this adventure.  

"Kids, when a man and woman love each other very much, or (insert your lesser version of this, i.e., 'have had a couple of shots') whatever, . . . . "

Then, bang away.  They'll learn that it's an unspoken thing between them (the dependents) and you guys (the people who make the rules and the sexy time).  They'll appreciate the house all the more when this is over.

It’s not so much about the fear of being walked in on. It’s more she doesn’t want them to know what a wanton slut she is that craves my dick on the regular and doesn’t want them to be like- oh the rv is swaying and shaking, mommy must be getting dicked again by daddy.  Whereas, if we sneak out to the tent at night they won’t wake up or know any better. 

Edited July 9, 2020 by Wulaw Horn

[dcbc 14644]

7 minutes ago, Wulaw Horn said:

It’s not so much about the fear of being walked in on. It’s more she doesn’t want them to know what a wanton slut she is that craves my dick on the regular and doesn’t want them to be like- oh the rv is swaying and shaking, mommy must be getting dicked again by daddy.  Whereas, if we sneak out to the tent at night they won’t wake up or know any better. 

I understand.  But they'll associate it with something.  

 

https://s3.amazonaws.com/v.comb.io/GGb89gFh/Y4kNDB.mp4?1532097795185

 

 

Edited July 9, 2020 by dcbc

[luke duke 6448]

I understand.  But they'll associate it with something.  

 

@Wulaw Horn your kids are definitely never going to want to sleep in a tent with you.

[horn4life 3834]

9 hours ago, Wulaw Horn said:

It’s not so much about the fear of being walked in on. It’s more she doesn’t want them to know what a wanton slut she is that craves my dick on the regular and doesn’t want them to be like- oh the rv is swaying and shaking, mommy must be getting dicked again by daddy.  Whereas, if we sneak out to the tent at night they won’t wake up or know any better. 

Then she's just gonna love this thread!