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I'm An Alcoholic

El Diablo

By El Diablo
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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12458

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18 minutes ago, Augustus said:

I was in San Diego when A&M opened the season with UCLA a couple of years ago.  The San Diego A&M club was meeting at some sports bar to watch the game.  I was the first one to arrive.

I asked the waitress if they had root beer--my favorite soft drink..  She said yes.  It was something I'd never heard of called "Not your Mother's Root Beer."  Thinking nothing of it, I took a drink and swallowed what my mouth recognized as booze right away, but it was too late to stop the drink going down my gullet.  Small drink, thankfully.  But the few alcohol molecules hit my brain so fast it was it was beyond belief.

Fortunately, I didn't get enough to activate the craving, for which I thank God.  But for a few moments I definitely felt an effect.  The waitress and the bartender, to whom I returned the bottle, got a reaction they surely weren't expecting, as I was one very displeased customer.  After a few minutes, I decided to just take a lesson from it and resume enjoying my day.

(Of course, by the time a few hours had passed, we'd blown a 34 point lead and started the season in the most agonizing fashion 'I've ever experienced, so the day turned out to suck in a couple of very unanticipated ways).

 

I'm amazed you could detect alcohol in that.  I've kinda thought those were a bit dangerous because I've found the alcohol completely imperceptible in them.  It would be really easy for children, or people avoiding alcohol to consume them and not realize they were alcoholic until too late.

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JohnnyRage

JohnnyRage 1617

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Hopefully every now and again you guys allow me to post some Youtube testimonials. I'm blown away by how many famous people are sober and you wouldn't even know.

This is a high bottom guy. You may remember him from one of the first Road Rules Seasons on MTV. His last bender story in New York is pretty hilarious and can be fround on the Joe Rogan podcast or on Ari Shaffir's 'This Is Not Happening'. He's a comedian now and I would highly recommend his Netflix special from a couple of years ago.

 

 

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Celery Man

Celery Man 20934

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I don't worry about something that's beer battered or involves alcohol in the preparation so much, but something like tiramisu I can taste it strongly and don't want to ingest this substance over which I am powerless.  Bread pudding is another one like that.

Yeah the shirt is not something worth getting bent out of shape about at all, but I do think it reflects a lack of understanding, and a (non malicious) conception that people in recovery aren't "around".

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TwiceHorn

TwiceHorn 31451

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11 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

I don't worry about something that's beer battered or involves alcohol in the preparation so much, but something like tiramisu I can taste it strongly and don't want to ingest this substance over which I am powerless.  Bread pudding is another one like that.

Yeah the shirt is not something worth getting bent out of shape about at all, but I do think it reflects a lack of understanding, and a (non malicious) conception that people in recovery aren't "around".

Same.  Nothing sauced with alcohol.

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msucolt45

msucolt45 4057

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I went two months this year “beer free”! My chips-n-salsa and beer “beer gut” was getting in the way of my golf swing! Let alone, the waist size exceeding the length on my pants.
Today, playing golf I had a couple beers, in order to help my golf game, but all I did was crave more beers - golf be damned! I’m glad I made it home, but all I want is more beers, so I think I’m borderline alcoholic, because right now only binge drinking solves the day.
If I can quit “cold turkey”, just thinking about by exceeding weight/health, I don’t think I’m in the boat of needing help/counseling?
What says Surley?

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 8084

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Well, I'm an alcoholic, and I often went weeks or months without drinking, mainly to keep "her" off my ass. I was never an everyday drinker, but like you I experienced the phenomenon of craving, i.e. the more i drink the thirstier i get.

 

I suggest going to a few AA meetings and just listening. If you hear your story, then keep going. If not, then stop going and just try to moderate or control your drinking.

 

Also, can't wait to get to my home group tonight and report on what happened at the casino yesterday.

 

I stay away from chili made by people who dump beer in it. Sometimes it doesn't cook off enough.

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Augustus

Augustus 3061

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9 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

I'm amazed you could detect alcohol in that.  I've kinda thought those were a bit dangerous because I've found the alcohol completely imperceptible in them.  It would be really easy for children, or people avoiding alcohol to consume them and not realize they were alcoholic until too late.

It was instantaneous.

My brain acted like the Prodigal Son has just burst into the room like the Kool Aid man.

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TwiceHorn

TwiceHorn 31451

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1 hour ago, Ptown said:

Alcohol gets converted to sugar in your body, thats were the sugar cravings come from. 

Tehnically untrue.  However, alcohols and sugars are metabolized somewhat similarly, particularly their effect on blood sugar.  Remove alcohol from the diet and yeah, you are going to crave sugar.

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SwanderedTalent

SwanderedTalent 5761

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I have yet to have an "accidental slip". I can only imagine what the taste of it would do. The smell was what always got me, back when I would try to quit on my own (without being in or working a program). Like I'd host BYOB/L poker night, and would be fine not drinking, and then would go to pour out drinks and just the wafting alcohol up from the sink would be enough to start thinking about whether I really needed to not drink. 

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troph

troph 24783

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Listened to a podcast on the neuroscience of addiction - it’s a fresh air / NPR one and the gal who was being interviewed called alcohol the “sledgehammer of pharmacological substances” in terms of how many different things it does to the brain across many different regions of the brain. Comparisons made to cocaine which does one thing to one part of the brain and marijuana which does one thing to many parts of the brain. Anyway the “sledgehammer” comment I thought y’all would appreciate.

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 8084

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Yup. I need to give that a listen.

Ok, here's how I know I'm an addict.

I quit smoking circa 2000. Replaced Marlboro lights with Levi Garrett. I can't stand dipping but I loved chewing tobacco. So after a few years I just started chewing nicorette. Fast forward to jan 2019. Still on the gum, lozenges, and finally quit with the patch. So I was 100% nicotine free for about 3 weeks.

My wife doesn't smoke much, about 3 packs a year. Usually when on vacation with the gals where she gets over served like an amateur, the fuckin normie. When I met her she was a smoker and by the 3rd date she had quit and I asked her why she wasn't smoking and she said "oh, well, you dont smoke so I thought it was kind of a nasty habit anyway so I just quit." Just like that.

Anyway, at the casino Friday and Saturday we split a pack of Marlboro ultra lights. About 8 on friday night and then 2 on saturday morning. Its Tuesday and I'm craving nicotine.

Mental obsession and all. Oh, it'll be different this time. Hahahahaha.

Nicotine is so hard to quit. I've got the brain of a chronic addict.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

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BBQ2Bayou

BBQ2Bayou 807

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15 hours ago, ernest_t_bass said:

My accidental slips in my dreams are enough for me.  It's a weird feeling to be relieved in your dreams (to be drinking again), and be relieved when you awake, that it was just a dream.  Perhaps "relieved" is not the right term for the former scenario.

You still getting those? IIRC, you're well over a year now, right? I'm only about 10 months, but mine have tapered off quite a bit. Still every now and then, but it was a few times a week for a while. 

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BBQ2Bayou

BBQ2Bayou 807

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15 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

Yup. I need to give that a listen.

Ok, here's how I know I'm an addict.

I quit smoking circa 2000. Replaced Marlboro lights with Levi Garrett. I can't stand dipping but I loved chewing tobacco. So after a few years I just started chewing nicorette. Fast forward to jan 2019. Still on the gum, lozenges, and finally quit with the patch. So I was 100% nicotine free for about 3 weeks.

My wife doesn't smoke much, about 3 packs a year. Usually when on vacation with the gals where she gets over served like an amateur, the fuckin normie. When I met her she was a smoker and by the 3rd date she had quit and I asked her why she wasn't smoking and she said "oh, well, you dont smoke so I thought it was kind of a nasty habit anyway so I just quit." Just like that.

Anyway, at the casino Friday and Saturday we split a pack of Marlboro ultra lights. About 8 on friday night and then 2 on saturday morning. Its Tuesday and I'm craving nicotine.

Mental obsession and all. Oh, it'll be different this time. Hahahahaha.

Nicotine is so hard to quit. I've got the brain of a chronic addict.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk
 

How do you figure you were 100% nicotine free still chewing nicotine gum and lozenges? Or am I not reading that correctly? 

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SwanderedTalent

SwanderedTalent 5761

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6 minutes ago, BBQ2Bayou said:

You still getting those? IIRC, you're well over a year now, right? I'm only about 10 months, but mine have tapered off quite a bit. Still every now and then, but it was a few times a week for a while. 

We're littermates, I have about the same length. I still get the dreams at about the same frequency I did 5-10 months ago, but they've changed. Before they were full relapse dreams. Now generally I've accidentally had a single beer (meaning the dream begins after I've already consumed a beer off camera) and I have to decide whether or not I'm going to come clean and start my sobriety count over. 

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ernest_t_bass

ernest_t_bass 1196

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49 minutes ago, BBQ2Bayou said:

You still getting those? IIRC, you're well over a year now, right? I'm only about 10 months, but mine have tapered off quite a bit. Still every now and then, but it was a few times a week for a while. 

Every now and then I'll have a very realistic dream where I'm picking through some craft beers in a store, and enjoying the taste of one. And then another.  And then another 12 or so.

April 27 will be 4 years.

Edited by ernest_t_bass
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Sparky

Sparky 149

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53 minutes ago, SwanderedTalent said:

We're littermates, I have about the same length. I still get the dreams at about the same frequency I did 5-10 months ago, but they've changed. Before they were full relapse dreams. Now generally I've accidentally had a single beer (meaning the dream begins after I've already consumed a beer off camera) and I have to decide whether or not I'm going to come clean and start my sobriety count over. 

I get the exact same dream and I'm 2.5 years in.  I don't dream actually drinking it but I know I did and I have major guilt.  I'll then wake up and have to convince myself that it was just a dream.  When I first got sober it was that I relapsed on coke but now it's just the booze.  I've tried to pinpoint some trigger that might have made them happen but got nothing other than the brain is tricky.

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BBQ2Bayou

BBQ2Bayou 807

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1 hour ago, ernest_t_bass said:

Every now and then I'll have a very realistic dream where I'm picking through some craft beers in a store, and enjoying the taste of one. And then another.  And then another 12 or so.

April 27 will be 4 years.

Haha, shit. Shows how much my concept of time was off when I was drinking. I still read this thread everyday when I was drinking because I knew I needed help. I remember your post perfectly when you reached a year and I also remember you posting when you quit, it just seemed to me like that post was 15 or 16 months ago.  

Bear, got ya. The reason I asked is because I gave up cigarettes when I stopped drinking and didn't use anything, but I still get strong cravings everyday. 

 

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9377

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3 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

I've been sober for 21 years and I still get them.

For me waking up the next day is like a shootout scene in a movie where a guy gets shot at a dozen times and then checks himself to make sure he didn't get shot.  When I wake up I am completely convinced that I threw away years of sobriety, got shitfaced, and drove naked through town, just like my dream.  I have to reassure myself that that really didn't happen, and usually it's by acknowledging that I'm not hungover.  

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TexArcher

TexArcher 37774

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3 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

I still have full-blown fuck up dreams.  Shitfaced, consequences, the whole banana.  They tend to start with me being shitfaced for some reason, not the way I got like that.

I had a drinking dream for the first time in ages the other night.  Vivid as hell.  I was in a casino playing poker and I beat a guy with a quad against his full house.  He lost his shit, then calmed down.  The waitress brought him two beers and he handed me one to apologize for his outburst.  I felt bad and took it.  After one sip, I said to myself, well, I might as well finish it off and proceeded to get fucked up all over the casino.  Then I went to bed in the hotel feeling worse about myself than should be humanly possible.  Then I woke up in real life.

I don't dwell on those types of things.  It's just a dream.  The important thing is that I'm closing in on 6 years sober and there's no way in hell I would've taken that beer in real life.

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TexArcher

TexArcher 37774

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7 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

PSA- Charles C. From Northland died a few days ago. Very classy guy, a strong member of AA whom I got to know through the lakeside conference in Brownwood. Augustus knew him too, I'm sure. He's at that meeting in the sky now.

 

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

 

 

 

 

Was this Charles with the very strong drawl??

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El Diablo

El Diablo 4232

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15 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

Maybe so, 76 years old, balding on top, mustache. I guess living in Texas I dont really notice the drawl.

 

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

 

 

 

 

You would think after a few years of sobriety a guy would learn to turn off his tapa sig. ;) 

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Augustus

Augustus 3061

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Posted (edited)
20 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

PSA- Charles C. From Northland died a few days ago. Very classy guy, a strong member of AA whom I got to know through the lakeside conference in Brownwood.@Augustus knew him too, I'm sure. He's at that meeting in the sky now.

 

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

 

 

 

 

 

 

He was the first person I met and shook hands with at Northland when I straggled in back in October 2011.  Shared a lot with him.  

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Augustus

Augustus 3061

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Charles had a short fuse when it came to profanity in AA meetings.  Occasionally he'd lose his restraint and go on something of a rant about it during a meeting.

I don't how many of us over the years would deliberately insert a "fuck" into our comments, followed by an elbow-in-the-ribs "Sorry, Charles" before continuing.

Edited by Augustus
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Dertyberd

Dertyberd 394

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All this talk of drinking dreams has found it's way into my subconscious.  Twice this week I've had resentment dreams and it's not been pretty.  I can handle the occasional drinking dream as I know it's just a fleeting thing that happens.  I believe that my higher power can/has restored me to sanity and my desire to drink is gone. What I don't understand is why even though I've done a 4th step on some issues, they keep popping up in dreams.  These are the things that led to my relapse and the things in real life that lead to depression, bad thoughts....eventually fuck it, hopelessness, then drinking.  The first one I worked through quickly in my morning meditation two days ago.  The one last night has stuck with me all day because I'm still feeling the financial pain from it in my daily life.  

I am learning that joyous, happy, and free are just for alcohol and the rest is going to be a fight.  "Life ain't fair and the world is mean."  I am grateful I'm not in that pit of hopelessness anymore, but damn I hate that my brain reminds me at times of how I got there.  My biggest issue in sobriety is not my daily life, which is pretty chill.  It is my reaction to what the world throws at me when I'm minding my own damn business.  

Thank you for giving me a place to put this to "paper".  No matter how good I'm doing, my fear and lack of trusting the world will sneak up on me.  Sometimes in the form of dreams.  I feel better, but damn if I know for sure I belong here.  Thank God my side of the street is clean and I don't have to drink today.  Much love.  

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pch

pch 1259

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It was a good news, bad news day for me and the missus.  Good news-our nephew was in town from DC and went to a meeting this morning with us to pick up his 30 day chip.  He shared from the heart and many of us who have lived without alcohol for several years were reminded of our first 30 days.  The bad news, he is here to see his mom come home from the hospital for hospice.  And she died this afternoon.  He called and we are going to hit up several meetings this next few days.

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Dolemite

Dolemite 143

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2 Corinthians 12:9-10 King James Version (KJV)

9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

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tucker

tucker 238

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Today is 30 days for me. It has been a long 30 days. I am thankful of the support and can’t say enough how helpful the meetings can be when having a hard time. I even started reading the big book. Not yet ready for a sponsor but so happy to be another day sober. 

I had a lot of negative perceptions of AA until I went to meetings. I’d highly suggest anyone even considering it just go and listen a few times  

 

Edited by tucker
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