I'm An Alcoholic

[El Diablo 4232]

That pink hair, lol, yeah I've chased that before. Good luck to him, defeating pussy would be an historic achievement. 

Edited May 6, 2019 by El Diablo

[JohnnyRage 1617]

I thought Celery married pink hair.

[El Diablo 4232]

41 minutes ago, JohnnyRage said:

I thought Celery married pink hair.

Buddy of mine in San Marcos went bonkers over some little pink haired punk rocker chick, lol. He was in a serious relationship and was ready to chuck it all for my little pony gal. She let him down gently but not before he'd cut himself. That was a weird night to be a spectator to.

[BearSchlong 8084]

Predictably, I get a text this morning from the halfway house manager that he didn't come home last night.

[Dewey 3286]

"he needs to get his ass kicked a few more times"

We've all been there, hopefully he comes back with a better understanding than when he left.

[Kennythetiger 9377]

Yep.  Hope he texts you in a month or two.

[BearSchlong 8084]

That's why I'm always wary of sponsoring guys that young.

He had been working on a 4th step for a week and on Wednesday evening he was really enthusiastic about meeting this weekend to go over his work.  I just texted him "I ain't mad, just want what is best for you, for you to succeed."  He had warned me going in to this that his story included some very awful shit that happened in combat, so there may be a PTSD element as well.

The thing that keeps me working with the younguns is my buddy John J., who just picked up his 20 year chip the same week as his 34th birthday.  Living in an abandoned warehouse in NOLA smoking crack at 12.  Now he's a successful banker.  And my friend Reed G, who got sober at 17 and gets his BS this month before heading to Law School.

Of course I didn't finally get dry until 38.

[BearSchlong 8084]

Changing the subject, one of my guys turned me on to what he and his gang call the "non-conference approved but awesome secret book" - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01HT6DBMG/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_d_asin_title_o00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Very good through the first few chapters.  Any of you read it?

[gasman 114]

24 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

Changing the subject, one of my guys turned me on to what he and his gang call the "non-conference approved but awesome secret book" - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01HT6DBMG/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_d_asin_title_o00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Very good through the first few chapters.  Any of you read it?

I just ordered it. Appreciate the recommendation. On the non-approved literature list, I have always liked "Drop the Rock"

https://www.amazon.com/Drop-Rock-Removing-Character-Defects/dp/B0082PR3U0/ref=sr_1_1?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIwLOr7pCH4gIVURx9Ch2QvQl9EAAYASAAEgKoxvD_BwE&hvadid=241607241089&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9027229&hvnetw=g&hvpos=1t1&hvqmt=e&hvrand=14860063835079392241&hvtargid=kwd-18859970831&hydadcr=15492_10339794&keywords=drop+the+rock&qid=1557153536&s=gateway&sr=8-1

Edited May 6, 2019 by gasman

[Dewey 3286]

Drop the rock is my jam, when it came to the 6th and 7th steps, I felt like I was missing something. The 12 and 12 is more clear, but I still felt unfulfilled with those steps.

Those steps went from emptiness to fulfillment with me. Magic steps.

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

1 hour ago, BearSchlong said:

That's why I'm always wary of sponsoring guys that young.

I am amazed when I meet anyone who got truly sober in their early, mid, even late 20s. There was nothing on earth that could have kept me from abusing alcohol when I could physically snap back, didn't know real consequences, hadn't had to move my Yets lines very far, and didn't really believe that the risks applied to me.

I would be willing to sponsor a kid that age but I would do so fully expecting what you're seeing because he'd be me and that is how me would have acted. Hell, I was 30 the first time I started going to AA regularly. That ended with dumping a Big Book, a bunch of other literature, and a handful of chips in the garbage because, literally, I "didn't want to be an alcoholic anymore".

I didn't want to be sick, so to get better I threw out all my medicine.

Edited May 6, 2019 by SwanderedTalent

[BearSchlong 8084]

That's a good gut check, ST.

And Dewey is right, Drop the Rock is the tits.

[Kennythetiger 9377]

20 minutes ago, SwanderedTalent said:

I am amazed when I meet anyone who got truly sober in their early, mid, even late 20s. There was nothing on earth that could have kept me from abusing alcohol when I could physically snap back, didn't know real consequences, hadn't had to move my Yets lines very far, and didn't really believe that the risks applied to me.

I would be willing to sponsor a kid that age but I would do so fully expecting what you're seeing because he'd be me and that is how me would have acted. Hell, I was 30 the first time I started going to AA regularly. That ended with dumping a Big Book, a bunch of other literature, and a handful of chips in the garbage because, literally, I "didn't want to be an alcoholic anymore".

I didn't want to be sick, so to get better I threw out all my medicine.

I live in a small rural community, one of those where you know often know more about folks than you wish you did.  One of the guys who does some agricultural work for me in the summers is about twenty years older than me, and has been sober for what I have always known to be decades.  Last summer we were standing in a field shooting the shit about sobriety and he mentioned that his years of sobriety were in the 30s.  I asked him how old he was when he quit drinking and he said 24.  That absolutely floored me that someone could have the insight to quit at that young of an age.  Hell, at 24 I hadn't even hit my stride yet.  He said he just had a feeling that things were headed bad in a hurry in the road he was on.  I respect him even more now than I did before that conversation.

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

Whenever I think of alcohol and head injuries I think of Sergio Kindle and what could have been. Per Wiki, he was last seen selling cars in suburban Austin instead of chasing QBs in the Super Bowl for the Patriots. 

[pch 1259]

April 28, 1998, 21 years one day at a time.  My nephew in DC goes to Ashley in Maryland on Thursday thanks to our contact there.  Praying that he gets his miracle before he leaves.

[Celery Man 20934]

On 5/5/2019 at 9:51 PM, JohnnyRage said:

I thought Celery married pink hair.

Red hair, but yep.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

Watching The West Wing for the first time.  There’s a storyline with an alcoholic/addict chief of staff in season 1 (presumably beyond as well).  This was good - the girl who leaked his treatment history gets a chat with him

 

[TwiceHorn 31450]

He's a great character.

John Spencer was one of us also.

[TwiceHorn 31450]

On 5/6/2019 at 11:28 AM, Kennythetiger said:

I live in a small rural community, one of those where you know often know more about folks than you wish you did.  One of the guys who does some agricultural work for me in the summers is about twenty years older than me, and has been sober for what I have always known to be decades.  Last summer we were standing in a field shooting the shit about sobriety and he mentioned that his years of sobriety were in the 30s.  I asked him how old he was when he quit drinking and he said 24.  That absolutely floored me that someone could have the insight to quit at that young of an age.  Hell, at 24 I hadn't even hit my stride yet.  He said he just had a feeling that things were headed bad in a hurry in the road he was on.  I respect him even more now than I did before that conversation.

I have seen teens and early 20s with remarkable sobriety.

[El Diablo 4232]

Regarding my nephew, my sister says that they found recipients for his heart, lungs, liver and kidneys and maybe pancreas. In a strange twist one of our cousins who lives in Florida had to have I believe it was FIVE organs transplanted some years back. Short story, she was being treated for something totally unrelated and the treatment caused her organs to fail. They sent her to Pittsburgh, PA where they did what I think at the time was experimental and got her all new organs. Well, her kidneys are beginning to fail now 14 years later and so she's been on dialysis the last couple of years. By my nephew being a donor, if I understand this right, the family can designate someone who is on a waiting list elsewhere to get some priority on their list. So my cousin may get bumped up to first class due to my nephew. Weird.

[Charles DeMar 221]

Hey, sorry to be late to the convo, but Diablo, sorry for your loss.  Also amazing that it may help your cousin.  God of my understanding works in mysterious ways that I cannot begin to understand.

Love this thread and thanks to all for the wisdom.  Had a check in with a non-sponsor mentor today who gave me some stern direction.  Old me would have been "Fuck you, dude.  You don't know me!" but new program has me thankful for the willingness for him to be open, honest, and challenging.

 

Thanks again to all.  

 

CDM

 

[BearSchlong 8084]

Oh Leo McGarry is one of my AA heroes.  I've always loved that scene, and in fact showed it to my wife recently.

I also love when Vice President John Hoynes and Leo are having a huge political conflict and it comes out that Leo's wife just left him.  The fighting stops immediately and the VP (also in recovery) invites Leo to "his" meeting.

Can't find the clip but here's the dialogue:

"When was the last time you went to a meeting." 
"AA?.... What meeting could I possibly go to?" 
"Mine." 
"John, tell me you are not showing your face---" 
"Leo, I have got my own meeting. Every week. The downstairs office here at the OEOB at eleven p.m. There are nine of us: three senators, two cabinet secretaries, one federal judge and two agency directors. There's an agent outside, the whole thing looks like a card game." 
"Do I have enemies in that room?" 
"All our people."

 

It's episode 4 in the first season.

 

 

Edited May 8, 2019 by BearSchlong

[Kennythetiger 9377]

 

[BearSchlong 8084]

Oh I forgot about that one.

[BBQ2Bayou 807]

So I moved over to Baton Rouge from the Austin area over 4 years ago for a job. The job didn't turn out and I don't like the city at all. I've stayed basically because I'm an alcoholic. I'm single with no kids to support, so I can always scrape by. I just needed my booze and somewhere to sit. I wanted to get the fuck out of here, but there was enough work to buy booze and provide a place for me to sit with my booze. All problems solved. 

Some health issues came up and a decision had to be made because it was literally life or death. I wasn't ready to die. I didn't know what to expect. I was scared shitless. Didn't really have a support system and I hadn't been without drinking since I was a kid. I shared my story about the first few months a while back, so I won't. But it was awful at first. For months. Slowly things started getting better and I got stronger, physically and emotionally. 

It was such a weird place to be. I didn't know how I was going to react to anything. Big or small. And I still don't, but my confidence and self-worth are higher than they have ever been. I don't mean I think I'm the shit, I mean I'm just at peace with myself for the first time, maybe ever. Every morning is great and it lasts until the next one. Tiny things make me smile out of nowhere. Sad things make some salty discharge build up in my eyes. I'm finally filling up my emotional being with emotions instead of using the bottle to steer around that part of me and leaving me empty and numb.   

It's liberating and exciting and scary and fucking great. I decided I'm ready to get out of here and back to Austin. I got a call for an interview earlier this week, so I drove over on Sunday, interviewed Monday, thought it went really well, looked at some apartments and filled out the paperwork for one that I really wanted. Headed back to Baton Rouge, got approved for the condo I really wanted and now it's Friday and I have all my stuff packed up, ready to put in a trailer and start fresh again. 

My lease just happened to start today, May 10th. My one year of sobriety is today, May 10th. 

[Dewey 3286]

Man, that's rock solid. Keep on moving forward.

[Kennythetiger 9377]

Very, very good. Keep moving forward. Don’t get comfortable and cocky with yourself. 

[TexArcher 37774]

Good for you, man.

To echo Kenny's point: enjoy it, because one year is a big one and you've earned it, but keep your guard up and keep doing the right things.

[Dewey 3286]

I think about my temporary sponsor while I was in treatment. Everyone was patting me on my back, wishing me well, as I was saying my last goodbyes, I went up to him and he said "you'll be back".... I never took offense to it, i am greatful for him saying such. It has kept me on guard so to speak, every high is followed with an easy does it attitude.

A year and five months, I'm grateful that I got to describe to a coworker just how bad off I was tonight. I told him how I just hated it drinking, but couldn't stop, that it just didnt do what it used to for me. I didnt have time to tell him how i was a slave to my body and he's lucky i didnt describe cold Turkey and subsequent alcoholic seizure which i left shit all over the bathroom walls.

Anyways, have a good night

[Reagan1k 3024]

Beautiful story BBQ.  Thank you for bringing that to us.  That’s the definition of experience strength and hope!!! Good luck in Austin.

 

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

One year ago today, I learned that when you make an appointment with a rehab facility to check in on a given date, and they're coming to pick you up, it's much harder to bullshit them about why you would be better off waiting "a day" or "a few days" or "until I call you" than you might expect or hope. At that point, the only thought I had in my mind was "I don't care what I told them 48 hours ago, it's RIGHT NOW not some indistinct date in the future and RIGHT NOW I want to drink". They wouldn't take no for an answer, though.

They checked me in at about 4 o'clock in the afternoon and my BAC was 0.118 even though I hadn't had a drink since somewhere around 930 that morning. I thought that BAC was interesting because not only did I not feel drunk, I felt painfully sober and was really surprised to learn that I'd probably been legally drunk every time I'd made one of those "I'm only driving because I am out of liquor" trip to the liquor store, or the "well, it's been a few days, I guess I better eat something" trips to the grocery store or a fast food place. I had honestly thought, like literally believed to be true, "sure I'm drinking an insane amount around the clock but I still sober up when I have to drive or get something done at work".

Nope! I had reached the "round-the-clock drinking" stage, which when I watched "Leaving Las Vegas" way back in 1996 seemed so gross and alien that I figured the writer had invented the entire concept to shock his audience. Nope again! People really do drink like that. Alcoholics, you know. Even when they don't want to, even when they barely know they're doing it. Just wake up, roll over, find the bottle, take in as much as you can without vomiting, pass back out for a while. 5 AM? 5 PM? Who can tell? Who cares? 

It sounds sexier than it really is, if you haven't been there. 

By the inexplicable grace of God, tomorrow I will pick up a one-year chip and then another one at my home group on Monday. When I get a chip, I usually say "life is weird, man", and I mean that when I say it, but man, life is fuckin' weird.

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

13 hours ago, BBQ2Bayou said:

It's liberating and exciting and scary and fucking great. I decided I'm ready to get out of here and back to Austin.

Welcome back to Austin! Loved your post. What approximate part of the city? We went over Austin area meetings a few pages back, let me/us know if you want recommendations. Happy to hit up a meeting w/you sometime.

[BBQ2Bayou 807]

1 hour ago, SwanderedTalent said:

Welcome back to Austin! Loved your post. What approximate part of the city? We went over Austin area meetings a few pages back, let me/us know if you want recommendations. Happy to hit up a meeting w/you sometime.

Anderson Ln. and Burnet. I didn't go the meeting route and still haven't been to one. Not because I have a problem with the program, I just didn't think I would gain anything by it. I realize that sounds a little short-sighted and arrogant, but really the only way I have ever accomplished anything is to do it on my own. I'm hard headed and stubborn I guess and I have always done things the hard way, but it's who I am.

That said, I'm not at all opposed to going to meetings if it comes to that. I know people say, and have seen it on this thread on Shaggy, that you can't succeed without AA or some sort of program. I didn't believe that when I was drinking and I don't believe it now. I think they are great programs that have saved countless lives, so don't take that I'm too good for it. It's probably that I'm too stupid and stubborn for it, more than likely. And I don't at all consider myself on safe ground. I'm well aware that I'm just a baby in this fight and just getting started. 

I don't mind being around people drinking at all, but it would also be cool to hang out with some sober folks in Austin that do non-drinking stuff, if you all do any of that outside of the meetings. 

And thank you for the offer. This thread has been a lot of help to me and I'm sure a lot of other folks who have never said a word. It's nice to have. 

 

 

 

[BearSchlong 8084]

AA is the best entertainment around. Cheap, too. $2 in the basket.

Met a newcomer today at my home group who drove 100 miles from his home city to go to a meeting, because if he attends one in his home city he might see someone he knows.

[El Diablo 4232]

4 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

AA is the best entertainment around. Cheap, too. $2 in the basket.

Met a newcomer today at my home group who drove 100 miles from his home city to go to a meeting, because if he attends one in his home city he might see someone he knows.

I went thru rehab when I was living in very rural North Carolina. I got out and started going to the meetings in the little town there. The meetings moved around a bit but it was always the same 10-20 people. One of the old ladies said something to the effect of "I don't care who knows or sees me here, they all knew I was a drunk long before I did".

And she wasn't lying. The town was a microcosm of the larger world in many ways. We had a crossdresser. And we had a gay. And we had a Klansman. And they'd all hang out in the same bar because that was all there was. Difference was, you dare not fuck with anyone because that gay? That crossdressing black guy? His brother or BIL or dad or cousin etc... was in there too and they'd take up for him if anyone gave them any shit. So they all got along in their little corner of the world.  They say familiarity breeds contempt but it also breeds tolerance, to some degree, because the community was so small they were all linked some way or another. 

Anyway... keep up the good work BBQ2B, if you ever find a need for AA there will be a chair and some coffee waiting for you.

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

9 hours ago, El Diablo said:

BBQ2B, if you ever find a need for AA there will be a chair and some coffee waiting for you.

Perfectly stated-- keep doing what you're doing if it works for you. I would no more tell someone with a year of sobriety "dude, you need to start going to meetings!" than I would listen to someone tell me "dude, you can stop going to meetings now, you have a whole year!"

[Reagan1k 3024]

Great point!  If you can put the plug in the jug and live happily with serenity you have a program that works.  

If you can’t, come have a seat and we will show you what works for us. 

[BearSchlong 8084]

Mothers day. Sigh. Took my mom out for church and a steak. Very nice.

Now listening to my drunk uncle in law talk about how jesus boot camp is way better than 12 step sobriety, at least for for his son who has a few weeks dry time.

Smile and nod. It's all I can do.

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

14 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

jesus boot camp is way better than 12 step sobriety, at least for for his son who has a few weeks dry time.

if he's surrounded by other recovering alcoholics who stress a program of spiritual health, rigorous honesty, accountability, and service to other alcoholics, then sure "jesus boot camp" might be just the ticket

but I'm betting that program a) doesn't involve other recovering alcoholics and b) presumes most of the programmatic aspects I mentioned are a default state, i.e., "you love Jesus so you want to be honest, right?" because alcoholics are hard to understand if you're not one

more likely, the program will probably treat him like a monkey in the cowpen and everyone involved will just end up bewildered by the experience

 

[BearSchlong 8084]

That pink hair, lol, yeah I've chased that before. Good luck to him, defeating pussy would be an historic achievement. 

He met her at Taco Bell. 

He called me last night, he finally went to a meeting and everyone told him to call me so he did, which is good.

 

He and taco bell gal (that's where they met before forging a lifelong bond)have been shacked up in a motel 6 for 2 weeks. But he says hes not using.

 

Guess what - she's pregnant, hes gonna be a dad!

 

 

 

[TexArcher 37774]

On 5/11/2019 at 3:27 PM, BearSchlong said:

AA is the best entertainment around. Cheap, too. $2 in the basket.

Inflation's a bitch.  When I started going, the saying was, "Most fun you can have for a buck."

[JohnnyRage 1617]

It's still a buck in my wallet. But I probably need a better understanding of the books.

[Celery Man 20934]

17 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

He met her at Taco Bell. 

He called me last night, he finally went to a meeting and everyone told him to call me so he did, which is good.

 

He and taco bell gal (that's where they met before forging a lifelong bond)have been shacked up in a motel 6 for 2 weeks. But he says hes not using.

 

Guess what - she's pregnant, hes gonna be a dad!

 

 

 

dude is a robert earl keen song

[Reagan1k 3024]

20 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

He and taco bell gal (that's where they met before forging a lifelong bond)have been shacked up in a motel 6 for 2 weeks. But he says hes not using.

 

Guess what - she's pregnant, hes gonna be a dad!

Impressive-  he’s a real go getter!

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

15 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

Impressive-  he’s a real go getter!

he went and got it alright

[El Diablo 4232]

It's stories like this, not the shitty food, that keep me from going to fast food joints. 

[Not a cat 5652]

On 5/17/2019 at 6:13 PM, BearSchlong said:

He met her at Taco Bell. 

He called me last night, he finally went to a meeting and everyone told him to call me so he did, which is good.

 

He and taco bell gal (that's where they met before forging a lifelong bond)have been shacked up in a motel 6 for 2 weeks. But he says hes not using.

 

Guess what - she's pregnant, hes gonna be a dad!

 

 

 

2 weeks huh?  So the actual biological father is such a bad choice to raise the kid that her best option is to foist that responsibility on a kid going through rehab?  I have to admire her resourcefulness in a machiavelian kind of way.  

I'm no expert but I think the absolute best thing you can do for him is to purchase him a 23 and me kit to use in  8 1/2  7 months.  

[BearSchlong 8084]

My thought exactly.  She probably came pre-equipped with some other random's positive pregnancy test.  That can be a powerful tool.

[DallasHorn26 586]

18 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

Since meetings came up I feel the need to share.

However, I want to first note I'm not better nor worse than anyone else here, just different. 

I tried going to meetings a long while back while I was still drinking. The thing I remember most is an overwhelming desire to prove them wrong. That my habit wasn't that bad. I was fine. I wasn't, it was and they're not but I'm concerned about triggers even trying.

I'm now over 5 years sober now. Which I'm proud of, and I love discussion with you guys and my friends that are in the program. However, I'm paranoid about attending a meeting. Again, not because I'm better than anyone in a meeting, rather I might be triggered to prove it. (Which I can't)

I can see this.  I've honestly felt the same.  I'm 55 days in and haven'g been to a meeting, although I am seeing a therapist weekly along with a Psychiatrist on a monthly basis now.  I attended several meetings before in previous attempts to quit or while still drinking and kept telling myself, "I'm not one of them, I'll prove them wrong." Most times that I went to a meeting, I went straight for a drink afterwards.  

[El Diablo 4232]

I was talking to my son a month or so ago, he's going thru a rough patch on the marriage front. I suggested counseling, get some perspective from a trained professional. He said no, he was afraid he'd find out that all their problems were his fault.

[Celery Man 20934]

Revisit step 1. I think a lot of people look past it to step 2. Which is a shame because it’s a good step.

 

Editing because that seems a little flippant. I think for me, I fought step 1 for 12 years and had lost completely by the first time I read it. So, it was quick and easy, but I hear a ton of stuff from people who don’t seem convinced that they are powerless over alcohol and I don’t think it gets talked about as much as it should.