I'm An Alcoholic

[TwiceHorn 31438]

On 6/12/2019 at 9:40 AM, SwanderedTalent said:

so much good stuff on the past few pages, hope to have time to comment in more depth, but this is one of those things that we say ("insanity", "crazy", etc) that I think people outside the program just assume is a verbal flourish. But it's not crazy with air quotes. When we're drinking, we are fucking insane. The disconnect between how we act and how we would act/react were our brains not pickled is astonishing; it's just that we and the people around us get used to our degradation. There was no obvious path from how I saw the world and interacted with it at 17 or 27 or 37, and my end stages of alcoholism-- at any one of those prior stages, I could have said "absolutely not, absolutely never" to stuff I didn't bat an eye at towards the end.

That is insanity.

Yeah, people like to say "in vino veritas" as if your behavior when you're drunk, particularly alcoholically pickled, is some revelation of your true character.  I think that's utter bullshit.

Yes, alcohol lowers inhibitions, but I submit that your inhibitions are what more or less defines your character.  Definitely what separates us from animals.

[UrbanAchiever 277]

Happy 5th birthday to me.

I'm a long time lurker on this thread but have never posted. Thanks to everyone here for displaying the courage to be candid about your past and in turn provide support for those walking down our same paths. Keep doing what you're doing. It makes a huge impact for those of us who aren't active on the thread (I suspect there are many more like me).

[TexArcher 37767]

Congrats!  That's a big one.

[JohnnyRage 1617]

Keep lurking back!

[TexMex Horn 68]

Saw the Lurker post above & finally decided to chime in. 11 ½ yrs sober. Loving every day sober, but, my problem is this; I don't like drinkers. My wife drinks & it drives me nuts. I won't spend time with other relatives due to their drinking. It doesn't bother me so much that they drink, but that I know life is so much better sober. They think I'm preachy (. I am).

Anybody else relate to this? If so, advice to correct MY behavior.

 

Thanks

[El Diablo 4232]

11 minutes ago, TexMex Horn said:

Saw the Lurker post above & finally decided to chime in. 11 ½ yrs sober. Loving every day sober, but, my problem is this; I don't like drinkers. My wife drinks & it drives me nuts. I won't spend time with other relatives due to their drinking. It doesn't bother me so much that they drink, but that I know life is so much better sober. They think I'm preachy (. I am).

Anybody else relate to this? If so, advice to correct MY behavior.

 

Thanks

You get sober in AA and still work the steps?

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

22 minutes ago, TexMex Horn said:

Saw the Lurker post above & finally decided to chime in. 11 ½ yrs sober. Loving every day sober, but, my problem is this; I don't like drinkers. My wife drinks & it drives me nuts. I won't spend time with other relatives due to their drinking. It doesn't bother me so much that they drink, but that I know life is so much better sober. They think I'm preachy (. I am).

Anybody else relate to this? If so, advice to correct MY behavior.

 

Thanks

I have a friend in this predicament. He is not preachy, but his drunken extended family is. They give him shit for not drinking....He loves to this story: while working in Angola, to reward himself for his first few years of sobriety, he bought some really expensive watch. I think it was $10k but worth much more. Drunk family members continually, to this day, give him shit about "wasting" that much money, while each of them easily and literally piss that much away yearly.

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

17 hours ago, TexMex Horn said:

If so, advice to correct MY behavior.

two thoughts, I guess

1) you can't control their behavior so you're going to have to learn to live with it-- the program can help you with acceptance on that. Drinkers can be obnoxious, for sure, but I always look at that as a gratitude thing-- "thank God I'm not like that today". 

2) there's no need to get preachy w/anyone if you accept that via your higher power, all you really know is what's right for you personally. I don't know if anyone else's life would be improved by not drinking, whether AA is right for anyone else, etc*-- I just know what my life was like and what happened and what I'm like now, and I'll happily share that if anyone asks but I'm not going to thump anyone with it. Attraction rather than promotion.

that all sounded like a bunch of stuff cribbed from the Big Book, so I guess I am fully brainwashed 

* edit, I'm also human, so obviously I have my suspicions/opinions/etc about it-- I FEEL like I know better sometimes ("you know what would fix you up?"), but I never truly do

Edited June 26, 2019 by SwanderedTalent

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

17 hours ago, MaybeACoordinator said:

They give him shit for not drinking...

my response to that, at approximately 0:14

 

[Celery Man 20931]

It's interesting that you say their life is so much better sober - I can't decide if what you're describing there is that 

a) these people drink alcoholically and are damaging their lives with alcohol (and therefore it stands to reason that their lot would improve with sobriety)

or

b)  abstaining from alcohol would improve the life of any person

or, maybe 

c) since your life is so much better sober, then other people's lives would be better sober

which is maybe just some reasoning that causes you to land on b).

If it's A, that's an interesting problem.  If they think you're preachy then I think they're not ready for a change and you don't have quite the influence to do much to lead them in that way.  I think that is hard, but not a ton you can do but wait and be ready to help when they're ready to get it.

If they're just regular drinkers and your thoughts are more in line with B or C, I think you could probably examine that internally a bit.  Actually I'm wondering if you quit drinking because you are an alcoholic, or if you quit because you decided you don't like drinking?  For me, there was a lot that was actually great about drinking - I just don't have any power to moderate my drinking, which makes it horribly destructive.  If other people can indulge, I may not always want to be around (people getting actually good and drunk isn't fun if you're not on that same train), but I have no problem understanding why they might want to do so.  And when they continue to not spiral out in alcoholism, I reflect more on my own relationship with alcohol than theirs.

tl;dr if they aren't alcoholics, I challenge your assertion that their lives would necessarily be improved by sobriety. but either way, you don't have the power to change their behavior and it's probably slightly damaging your relationship with them to be a killjoy, so I'd resist the temptation to preach.  If they are alcoholics, it's maybe a bit different but you still can't lead a...... drunk to booze and make him not drink.  Or whatever turn of phrase.

[TexMex Horn 68]

These responses are exactly why I came out of the Lurker closet. Celery & Swandered knocked it out of the park. Also, why I admit to being preachy. I want my life for them, but they may not need or want my life, despite how much I enjoy it. Thanks for the responses. Need more mirrors. 

[TwiceHorn 31438]

I have said it many times, but those who have given me shit for not drinking invariably wind up with a problem, if they aren't in the midst of it when giving me shit.  People that don't have the same or a similar relationship to alcohol as I do don't give a damn.

 

And, I can be pretty good about holding my water with someone who may have a problem, but isn't asking for help.  Once they do ask for help, particularly in a sponsorship context, I get a little overinvested.

Edited June 26, 2019 by TwiceHorn

[Dewey 3286]

When I drop my ego-self importance, those are the best 5 minutes of my day.

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

3 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

I have said it many times, but those who have given me shit for not drinking invariably wind up with a problem, if they aren't in the midst of it when giving me shit.  People that don't have the same or a similar relationship to alcohol as I do don't give a damn.

 

And, I can be pretty good about holding my water with someone who may have a problem, but isn't asking for help.  Once they do ask for help, particularly in a sponsorship context, I get a little overinvested.

I've three or four people approach me (via social media) to say they are out of control and want to quit. I always say "Great, here's my number." None of them have called me. One has vanished, the second can barely type Facebook posts she's so smashed daily, and the third sent a note saying she's moderated significantly. But what's interesting to me is how they all shy away from that potential next step. I know that process all too well. It's so easy to quit drinking, tomorrow. Well, maybe not tomorrow, but tomorrow's a great day to start a taper. Or maybe just think about starting a taper, because hey, Saturday is game day, and that will throw the taper out of whack, and...Ah, fuck it.

[TwiceHorn 31438]

4 minutes ago, MaybeACoordinator said:

I've three or four people approach me (via social media) to say they are out of control and want to quit. I always say "Great, here's my number." None of them have called me. One has vanished, the second can barely type Facebook posts she's so smashed daily, and the third sent a note saying she's moderated significantly. But what's interesting to me is how they all shy away from that potential next step. I know that process all too well. It's so easy to quit drinking, tomorrow. Well, maybe not tomorrow, but tomorrow's a great day to start a taper. Or maybe just think about starting a taper, because hey, Saturday is game day, and that will throw the taper out of whack, and...Ah, fuck it.

Yup, so very "touch and go."  The whole "end stage" (not the medical end stage, but the sick and tired of being sick and tired, but maybe not that sick and tired, stage) is so miserable.  Most of the time, you just have to let people get sicker and tireder and hope it doesn't reach the medical end stage first.

[Kennythetiger 9376]

A couple of my best drinking friends were also the most supportive of me quitting.  Puzzled me for a while until I mentioned it to one of them and he said, "That's because we were always the ones hauling your dumb ass home when all we wanted was a couple of drinks after work."  Made perfect sense after that.  

And there are two or three guys in our small town who will still wave a drink under my nose in social situations, or put one up to my lips, but everyone knows one or two of those guys, I suppose.  

[BearSchlong 8083]

On 6/25/2019 at 1:02 PM, TexMex Horn said:

Saw the Lurker post above & finally decided to chime in. 11 ½ yrs sober. Loving every day sober, but, my problem is this; I don't like drinkers. My wife drinks & it drives me nuts. I won't spend time with other relatives due to their drinking. It doesn't bother me so much that they drink, but that I know life is so much better sober. They think I'm preachy (. I am).

Anybody else relate to this? If so, advice to correct MY behavior.

 

Thanks

Here's my 2 cents -

1)Accept the drinkers in your life EXACTLY as they are, humbly reminding yourself that you're not the arbiter of their behavior.  Understand that alcoholics are sick people, and though we don't like their behavior they're suffering from an illness.

2)If the consequences of the drinkers in your life cause consequences that you find unacceptable (i.e. your wife gets smashed too often and behaves accordingly) then congratulations, you're a double winner.  Proceed directly to Al Anon where you can learn how to achieve #1.

3) If #2 doesn't work, then you have to consider removing yourself from the relationship, for your OWN sanity.

Alcoholism is a contagious, family disease.

Above all, quit preaching, because it oozes spiritual arrogance.  The only drinking that is of ANY concern to me is my own drinking, because I'm an alcoholic, and luckily I haven't treated my malady with actual alcohol in over 8 years.

My wife drinks, usually ONE glass of wine (yes, an actual restaurant-sized serving of wine) or ONE martini about 4 times a week.  I've seen her snot slinging, blackout-level drunk about once a year since we've been together, and I just try to make sure she doesn't hurt herself and then I chuckle that her behavior doesn't remotely approach mine in that fashion of drinking.  She's not a fun drunk, but since it happens very seldom it's not an issue in our relationship.

When I even notice that she's drinking, I use it to work my 1st step for that day.  LMAO at how she'll take 30 minutes or 1 hour to finish A DRINK.  She doesn't drink and drive, doesn't drink while she's on call, doesn't drink when she's on medication, etc.

If she got fired, or started getting DWIs, or had any identifiable consequences, or started mistreating me or others, then I'd have to re-evaluate the relationship and then go work the aforementioned #1 and #2 in my own life.  And I can't even imagine alcohol consumption impacting her life like it did mine.

Personally, I don't think I could stay sober if my wife was getting fucked up continuously.  I do know that my marriage is about #3 on my list of priorities, after sobriety and my children.  And wife knew that coming into the relationship. 

[Reagan1k 3024]

Yeah - To put a very practical spin on it I mentally swap out alcohol for another substance and consider how I should react.

I'm an alcoholic and have an allergic reaction when it goes in my body.

Were I to be allergic to shrimp, would I find myself resentful at people who can eat shrimp with no consequences and then preach to them about how their lives would be better if they too went shell-fish free like me?  Don't think so.

There is a sizable percentage of people on this earth for whom moderate alcohol consumption is benign, and might even be beneficial ....just not me.

I'm no more going to preach to a shrimp free life than I should an alcohol free one to someone who hasn't solicited my opinion.

Now, that being said, I agree with Bear that if they are drinking such that it creates consequences that have ramifications for my life, then I need to evaluate my situation and take action (actions I can control / not to control them).

But, for a guy who can have a couple of drinks every evening, can abstain when appropriate, and the consequences are nil, I have no opinion on his drinking.

 

Edited June 28, 2019 by Reagan1k

[hullabelew 3723]

 

Always liked Todd's observation.

 

 

 

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

1 hour ago, hullabelew said:

Always liked Todd's observation.

I have been on both sides of his observation, and can only say I hope that if he ever feels like he needs the AA solution, people will want to help him

[JohnnyRage 1617]

I expected this to be clickbait-y when I went ahead and clicked on it for...research purposes.

 

https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/former-victorias-secret-model-jessica-hart-sober

 

[BearSchlong 8083]

My wife said "wow, I'd give you permission to 13th step her."

Seriously though, good for her.

[JohnnyRage 1617]

Just doin’ research. Can’t diagnose, but...

There’s also might be a weird twitter account with tweets from 6 years ago that scream, “Why does the world fuck my shit up?!”

http://www.fox5atlanta.com/news/deputies-woman-left-child-alone-at-home-to-go-drinking-with-boyfriend

 

[hullabelew 3723]

On 7/2/2019 at 4:44 PM, SwanderedTalent said:

I have been on both sides of his observation, and can only say I hope that if he ever feels like he needs the AA solution, people will want to help him

Numerous rehabs, jail stints and AA meetings haven't gotten him sober, though he doesn't drink anymore from what I can tell.  Mainly acid and weed.  He also has horrible back problems and I think he has had a hard time with opiates in the past.

[Al_4_ISU 12451]

2 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

Numerous rehabs, jail stints and AA meetings haven't gotten him sober, though he doesn't drink anymore from what I can tell.  Mainly acid and weed.  He also has horrible back problems and I think he has had a hard time with opiates in the past.

I think opiates were the main driver in his struggles.  That's the impression I got from his book, anyhow.  I'm pretty sure he has zero interest in sobriety at this point.  I'm pretty sure he quit drinking, but that's academic, and was likely motivated by something other than a desire for sobriety.

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

18 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

Numerous rehabs, jail stints and AA meetings haven't gotten him sober, though he doesn't drink anymore from what I can tell.  Mainly acid and weed.  He also has horrible back problems and I think he has had a hard time with opiates in the past.

Chronic physical pain is the wildcard in the AA equation. It's really hard to argue that sobriety is better when the alternative is relief from agony. Drinking wouldn't give me that, personally, but I am not one of those Book thumpers who would refuse painkillers after surgery. 

Just talking out loud about my inner thinking-- I am where there's no current possible alternative where drinking is the better option. Anything that happens to me circumstance-wise is going to be made worse by adding drinking to the situation. But I'm not in constant, debilitating physical pain, and I don't really know what I would think of sober life if I were. I do know, or have faith, that staying spiritually fit and working the AA program could and would keep me from taking a drink even if I were in physical pain. I don't know how willing I'd be to work the program and stay fit, though, in that situation.

[Augustus 3061]

On 5/11/2019 at 1:27 PM, BearSchlong said:

AA is the best entertainment around. Cheap, too. $2 in the basket.

Met a newcomer today at my home group who drove 100 miles from his home city to go to a meeting, because if he attends one in his home city he might see someone he knows.

This is one of my favorites.

God forbid an alcoholic I know finds out I'm an alcoholic.  He might judge me.

 

[TtomTerrific 200]

 

[JohnnyRage 1617]

Are you well @TtomTerrific? Because you might be on a really impressive run.

[Celery Man 20931]

Lots of crossposting about the Jason Isbell kick I've been on in the music forums, but I just got into this song and it hits the nail here (as do many of his songs).  He recorded this album just after leaving rehab.

 

adding the lyrics because they're perfect

Quote

Are you having a long day
Everyone you meet rubs you the wrong way
Dirty city streets smell like an ashtray
Morning bells are ringing in your ear

 

Is your brother on a church kick
Seems like just a different kind of dope sick
Better off to teach a dog a card trick
And try to have a point and make it clear

 

You should know compared
To people on a global scale
Our kind has had it relatively easy
And here with you there's always
Something to look forward to
Our angry heart beats relatively easy

 

I lost a good friend
Christmas time when folks go off the deep end
His woman took the kids and he took Klonopin
Enough to kill a man of twice his size

Not for me to understand
Remember him when he was still a proud man
A vandals smile a baseball in his right hand
Nothing but the blue sky in his eye

 

Still compared to those
A stones throw away from you
Our lives have both been relatively easy
Take the(a) year and make a break
There ain't that much at stake
The answers could be relatively easy

 

Watch that lucky man walk to work again
He may not have a friend left in the world
See him walking home again to sleep alone
Or step into a shop to buy a postcard for a girl

 

I broke the law boys
Shooting out the windows of my loft boys
When they picked me up I made a big noise
Everything to blame except my mind

 

And I should say I keep your picture with me everyday
The evenings now are relatively easy
Here with you there's always
Something to look forward to
My lonely heart beats relatively easy
My lonely heart beats relatively easy

 

Talking about days when everything just hits you wrong.  Losing a friend who was once a strong proud man but lost it all and took his life after a bender.  

"Take a year and make a break, there ain't that much at stake, the answers could be relatively easy" - uh.  yup.  Hey drunks silently reading the thread - this is some TRUTH, especially the part about how much is at stake (what you're going to lose if you *do* go get yourself some help).

Guy who looks happy on the outside, but maybe he's.... divorced and no friends and mails postcards to his daughter who he doesn't see.

Acting erratically and getting into trouble and blaming everyone but yourself.

Clarity on the other side, having peace at night.

Give it a listen.

Edited July 7, 2019 by Celery Man

[Charles DeMar 221]

That Dick van Dyke video was awesome.  Thanks for posting.

 

11 months today, fellas.  Blessed to be sober TODAY.

 

Thanks,

 

CDM

[Reagan1k 3024]

Just now, Charles DeMar said:

That Dick van Dyke video was awesome.  Thanks for posting.

 

11 months today, fellas.  Blessed to be sober TODAY.

 

Thanks,

 

CDM

That's awesome - Keep doing what you're doing!

[El Diablo 4232]

5 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

That's awesome - Keep doing what you're doing!

Years ago I met Searcy, who was once Ebby's sponsor in Dallas I think. Searcy had quite a few years of sobriety when we met and he said people sometimes ask him "How did you stay sober so long? What's the secret?". He said "Keep breathing and don't drink.".

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

31 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

Years ago I met Searcy, who was once Ebby's sponsor in Dallas I think. Searcy had quite a few years of sobriety when we met and he said people sometimes ask him "How did you stay sober so long? What's the secret?". He said "Keep breathing and don't drink.".

yeah when I got past the belief that "they're not telling me the SECRET!!!!!" and started to believe that I could always get through ONE DAY without drinking, and that any long term sobriety was ultimately just a collection of one-days you got through (some good, some bad), a lot of those cliches became blindingly obvious truths 

[Dertyberd 394]

12 hours ago, SwanderedTalent said:

yeah when I got past the belief that "they're not telling me the SECRET!!!!!" and started to believe that I could always get through ONE DAY without drinking, and that any long term sobriety was ultimately just a collection of one-days you got through (some good, some bad), a lot of those cliches became blindingly obvious truths 

Along those lines, "there's got to be a secret" , I had a random thought yesterday.  The first 3 steps is the thing I didn't know/thought/wanted in my life.  The next 6 are the shit I don't need in my life.  The final 3 are the things I want in my life if I'm to live happy and free.  The "secret" of the whole thing is that over time it will reveal itself if I allow it to, and surrender fully to a life change.  All those cliches came because someone was driving in their car one day and it just hit them.  There was no committee or editor, it just occurred because someone was out of themselves long enough to have a great thought without "thinking".  Much love, happy days.  Grateful for another day sober.   

[DallasHorn26 586]

On 7/7/2019 at 2:16 PM, Celery Man said:

Lots of crossposting about the Jason Isbell kick I've been on in the music forums, but I just got into this song and it hits the nail here (as do many of his songs).  He recorded this album just after leaving rehab.

 

adding the lyrics because they're perfect

 

Talking about days when everything just hits you wrong.  Losing a friend who was once a strong proud man but lost it all and took his life after a bender.  

"Take a year and make a break, there ain't that much at stake, the answers could be relatively easy" - uh.  yup.  Hey drunks silently reading the thread - this is some TRUTH, especially the part about how much is at stake (what you're going to lose if you *do* go get yourself some help).

Guy who looks happy on the outside, but maybe he's.... divorced and no friends and mails postcards to his daughter who he doesn't see.

Acting erratically and getting into trouble and blaming everyone but yourself.

Clarity on the other side, having peace at night.

Give it a listen.

Thanks for sharing, I've heard this several times before, but never listened. Damn, it hits the nail on the head for me. I don't have much to contribute, but I really appreciate this thread and love every time it pops up. I'm at 107 days as of this morning and have a whole new perspective on things than I did before. 

[hullabelew 3723]

I was reading a book, "Higher Power" by Doug Hime last night.  He said the first three steps were:  1)  I Can't  2) He Can 3) I think I'll let him.   Really liked that.  

[hornbri 1396]

Joining this thread. 

I voluntarily took an Uber to a detox facility earlier this week, (Infinite Recovery in south Austin). My drinking pattern is not necessarily every day but I will binge for 3-4 days if allowed, last weekend with 4th of July was just that time. It did not end well. My wife has asked me to stop for my health as well as for our families and I agree I need to. 

I knew it was time to get help and I am determined to do so. Part of the reason I went to a facility is I wanted to also attend some group meetings. Before this never in my life had I attended a AA meeting mostly because I was scared of what they would be like. So starting on the day I checked in I went to as many meetings as possible and my eyes are open to how they can help. 

I left this morning and what I am trying to figure out what the best next step for me is, I have spent a couple hours reading online but figured you all would have good thoughts as well. I have ruled out residential treatment for now because 1) I don't believe it is the right 1st step 2) I have a 3 and 7 year old daughter and a wife who is sticking with me through this I cannot imagine not seeing for 30 days and 3) I need to get to work, it is what drives me and drinking and working have not mixed for me. 

Things I am considering 1) Starting AA meetings today, 30 in 30 days as they say (would love suggestions in NW Austin). 2) An IOP program that starts Monday (suggestions on a good one)? The main drawback here is work while I can likely get away with not traveling for 30 days, more than that is going to be quite a challenge. 3) Some form of personal counseling (most likely combined with AA meetings), as I am sure part of my drinking has to do with depression. 

[Dewey 3286]

Jump in fully and honestly accept and acknowledge who you are and what you need to work on, and then change who you are, how you think, it can be done. 90 in 90, not 30. Embrace a new life style that is so much better and healthier. Alcohol fucks with the mind and fucks with the body, when those begin to recover, theres an unbelievable freedom there. Just have to hang in there and stay with it. 

[El Diablo 4232]

All I know is what I did. I got my ass to a meeting, figured out who had been there a while in terms of sobriety and asked them to be my sponsor at the end of the meeting. No messing around, we started on the steps that night. It's life and death, get busy living. Some people want to shop around blah, blah... I guess if you're not dying then that might be okay but I was dying and had no room nor time to be picky.  That was 3 years, 5 months and 18 days ago. Good luck.

[JohnnyRage 1617]

3 hours ago, hornbri said:

Joining this thread. 

I left this morning and what I am trying to figure out what the best next step for me...

To not f'in drink. Seriously. It's that simple. Other than that I would say to learn to love yourself and your free time without the use of mind altering substances.

I'm not saying you can never drink again. I don't know you. But having faced some serious consequences and demands from loved ones, if you can't take off a significant amount of time from consuming quite literally poison, well then you might be one of us.

Your next paragraph reads like every other prior alcoholics list of...well for a lack of better word 'excuses'. If things get really dark one day you might look back at that list and laugh/cry.

There's nothing magical about 30/30 or 90/90. But it is a noble goal, and hopefully opens your mind and introduces you into a wonderful world of spiritual growth.

 

Congratulations man.

[hornbri 1396]

16 minutes ago, JohnnyRage said:

To not f'in drink. Seriously. It's that simple. Other than that I would say to learn to love yourself and your free time without the use of mind altering substances.

 I'm not saying you can never drink again. I don't know you. But having faced some serious consequences and demands from loved ones, if you can't take off a significant amount of time from consuming quite literally poison, well then you might be one of us.

Your next paragraph reads like every other prior alcoholics list of...well for a lack of better word 'excuses'. If things get really dark one day you might look back at that list and laugh/cry.

There's nothing magical about 30/30 or 90/90. But it is a noble goal, and hopefully opens your mind and introduces you into a wonderful world of spiritual growth.

 

Congratulations man.

Thanks for the feedback - I really mean that. I hope I do not look back at this list as excuses...

I assure you my first step of this plan is to not fucking drink. 

[TwiceHorn 31438]

4 hours ago, hornbri said:

Thanks for the feedback - I really mean that. I hope I do not look back at this list as excuses...

I assure you my first step of this plan is to not fucking drink. 

Doing a detox was a very good move.  

I'd try to commit to 90 meetings in 90 days.  

I wouldn't worry about either IOP or residential treatment until and unless you fail to stay sober otherwise.  Residential treatment is mostly an opportunity to hit "pause" and get going in AA.  It also offers some short term tools that may help keep you sober, but won't effect the life change necessary to stay sober and sane for extended periods.  IOP has the short-term tools and maybe some extra accountability, and probably sucks up some prime drinking hours.  While both treatment and IOP can be useful measures, they're ultimately stopgaps until you do what you need to do, as described below.

There's nothing magical about 90 meetings, and little magical about 90 days.  But it is a long enough period of time that you will experience a lot of the slings and arrow of outrageous fortune that tend to convince us that we can/should try drinking again. And long enough that any "pink cloud" will dissipate.  It does represent a bit of a commitment to a change and that's a good start.

What really matters is what you do at/with the meetings, and that is to get a sponsor and commence working the steps.

Before you start seeing a therapist, give sobriety and AA a chance.  You've been ingesting one of the finest CNS depressants known to man by the boxcar load for a goodly long time.  And making sterling decisions all along, I'm sure.  Of course you're depressed.  Get your mind cleared, start thinking right with AA, and your depression may lift.  That is not to say that therapy and psych meds have no place in recovery, they absolutely do.  But it's easy to conflate them.

Edited July 14, 2019 by TwiceHorn

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

hornbri, two thoughts for now and maybe some more in the morning

1) you're doing the right thing if for no other reason than, no one ever really looks back and says "man my life was going pretty great until I gave up drinking and then it all went to shit".

2) 90 in 90 is just a way to put your decision-making re: meetings on autopilot. You don't have to think about whether you want a meeting or need a meeting or if might run into that one weird dude who rubs you the wrong way. It's just easier that way. You're going. You're committed.

This story gets passed around a lot, but a newcomer asked an old timer, "You've been sober for a long time, how many meetings do you need to go to a week?" and the old-timer replies, "Just one, but I never know which one, so I go to 'em all". 

It took me a long time to get comfortable in meetings, but it will come, if you keep going to them. 

[TwiceHorn 31438]

All of this assumes that you are an alcoholic like most of us, which means, when you seriously tried to stop drinking, you . . . .just . .  .didn't  . . . stay  . . .  stopped.  And that drove us, ultimately, to acceptance of the first three steps of AA, summarized above as "I can't," "He can," "I will let Him."  Of course that sucks in a traditional divinity, which is a shorthand that most understand, even if they can't deal with it on any other level.  It isn't necessary to.

The essential thing about the higher power is that you accept that there is something in the universe greater than yourself.  In other words, no #wrts.  Because you running shit, in your own mind, is the problem.

[TexArcher 37767]

20 hours ago, hornbri said:

Joining this thread. 

I voluntarily took an Uber to a detox facility earlier this week, (Infinite Recovery in south Austin). My drinking pattern is not necessarily every day but I will binge for 3-4 days if allowed, last weekend with 4th of July was just that time. It did not end well. My wife has asked me to stop for my health as well as for our families and I agree I need to. 

I knew it was time to get help and I am determined to do so. Part of the reason I went to a facility is I wanted to also attend some group meetings. Before this never in my life had I attended a AA meeting mostly because I was scared of what they would be like. So starting on the day I checked in I went to as many meetings as possible and my eyes are open to how they can help. 

I left this morning and what I am trying to figure out what the best next step for me is, I have spent a couple hours reading online but figured you all would have good thoughts as well. I have ruled out residential treatment for now because 1) I don't believe it is the right 1st step 2) I have a 3 and 7 year old daughter and a wife who is sticking with me through this I cannot imagine not seeing for 30 days and 3) I need to get to work, it is what drives me and drinking and working have not mixed for me. 

Things I am considering 1) Starting AA meetings today, 30 in 30 days as they say (would love suggestions in NW Austin). 2) An IOP program that starts Monday (suggestions on a good one)? The main drawback here is work while I can likely get away with not traveling for 30 days, more than that is going to be quite a challenge. 3) Some form of personal counseling (most likely combined with AA meetings), as I am sure part of my drinking has to do with depression. 

AustinAA.org is a good place to search for meetings.  Northland is a good group for newcomers, imo, because there's a lounge that's open all day, so you can pretty much always find someone to talk to.  And you'll meet other newcomers there.

I would also make it a point to try several groups.  Each has its own customs: for example, some call on people to share, while some have folks raise their hands voluntarily, etc.  And obviously different groups of people take on different dynamics.  What I'm getting at is, don't be discouraged if you go to AA and leave thinking, "eh, that's not for me."  More likely is that that particular group isn't for you, and there's nothing wrong with that.  In my early days, I gave 5 groups a try and went back to 2.  Find a good fit.

Congrats on the decision and good luck!  Everything is better sober.

Edited July 14, 2019 by TexArcher

[BearSchlong 8083]

Welcome.

Go to the Northland AA group if possible. Near the corner of 2222 and Mopac.

Lots of good sobriety there.

[hornbri 1396]

53 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

Welcome.

Go to the Northland AA group if possible. Near the corner of 2222 and Mopac.

Lots of good sobriety there.

I went to a meeting today I did not love (not going to bother naming location). My plan is to go to the 7:30am one at Northland tomorrow, I am at 2222 and 360 so it is pretty close by. 

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

1 hour ago, hornbri said:

I am at 2222 and 360 so it is pretty close by. 

Bridge to Shore is near there also, meets at Riverbend Church if I recall correctly-- that seemed like a pretty good one the couple of times I attended, but both of those times were when I was in inpatient so the memory's a little hazy

[hullabelew 3723]

18 hours ago, hornbri said:

I went to a meeting today I did not love (not going to bother naming location). My plan is to go to the 7:30am one at Northland tomorrow, I am at 2222 and 360 so it is pretty close by. 

Don't write off a specific mtg after just one time.  Go to as many different meetings as you can..the more the better, but give each mtg 2 or 3 times before you write it off.