I'm An Alcoholic

[hundredTT 577]

I’m still alive and kicking. Spent all day trying to get living arrangements set up, no one is willing. Have about $100 in my account, so going to be spending the night in my car. Currently in Hutto, TX in a parking lot. Just got my usual from twin liquors and Bush’s. I guess I’m homeless at this point, I definitely have to figure this shit out tomorrow. Thank you guys for all the advice, I know you all know your shit and have been through it all. Time to start listening and admit I am powerless. 

 

https://ibb.co/SwffBTf

 

 

 

 

[JohnnyRage 1617]

Don’t be drunk in your car with the keys.

 

Don’t forget where you put your keys.

[JohnnyRage 1617]

Before you get wasted, why don’t you find a nice hospital to park your car.  When you come to check yourself in.

[BearSchlong 8083]

Could you imagine if[mention=2153]thestud[/mention]'s buddy and[mention=4327]hundredTT[/mention] had cancer? They'd be eagerly seeking treatment with the moral support of friends and family.

 

Alcoholism is a bitch!

[mention=4327]hundredTT[/mention] if you can get to Beaumont I'll pay for your first week at www.thehowcenter.org

 

That place just might save your life.

 

Come on over and let us love you until you can love yourself.

 

 

 

[Kennythetiger 9375]

I got your second week, if you’d like. 

[gasman 114]

I've got the 3rd week. 
 

It's tomorrow. Time to figure this shit out. 

[El Diablo 4232]

It's a confounding thing to watch a man drown when there are life preservers all around and them stubbornly refusing to grab onto one, insisting instead "I got this!".

[Kennythetiger 9375]

Yes, it is.  But you've been there once, or very close to it.  So have I.  Goddamn this disease.  

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

50 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

It's a confounding thing to watch a man drown when there are life preservers all around and them stubbornly refusing to grab onto one, insisting instead "I got this!".

"I.... STILL... LIKE.... SWIMMING!!!!!!....."

[Reagan1k 3024]

13 hours ago, hundredTT said:

I’m still alive and kicking. Spent all day trying to get living arrangements set up, no one is willing. Have about $100 in my account, so going to be spending the night in my car. Currently in Hutto, TX in a parking lot. Just got my usual from twin liquors and Bush’s. I guess I’m homeless at this point, I definitely have to figure this shit out tomorrow. Thank you guys for all the advice, I know you all know your shit and have been through it all. Time to start listening and admit I am powerless. 

 

@hundredTT  I say this with all the love I have, but in your position, you are the absolute last person that needs to be figuring this shit out. 

I've been there...My best thinking kept me sinking lower and lower.  As was referenced above, your best thinking had it figured out a month ago and now you are living in your car.

This is not on you....this is a disease.  Replace alcoholism with cancer.  Presented with a CAT Scan that showed a brain tumor, would you shun a doctor and "figure this shit out" on your own?

No, you'd turn your care over to the doctor and do whatever he/she says.

Same deal here.  You have a terminal disease you cannot think your way out of.  Stop thinking about it and get into detox / treatment. 

It's not a defeat to ask for help, it is the only winning move on this chess board.

I finally said fuck it, and called a guy who I knew didn't drink but lived a full and happy life and asked him for help.   I did what he said, nothing more or less and it saved my life.

Stop thinking and working on this deal......just hand it over to someone else.

 

[El Diablo 4232]

35 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

Yes, it is.  But you've been there once, or very close to it.  So have I.  Goddamn this disease.  

Yep. For the sake of pride it seemed important that I exit the game on my terms, lol. Holy shit.

[Reagan1k 3024]

20 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

Yep. For the sake of pride it seemed important that I exit the game on my terms, lol. Holy shit.

1st time my wife confronted me and said that I need help, my exact words were.........."I'll handle it myself."   HAHAHAHAHAHHA.

That lasted 36 hours. 

I was so proud on day one of "my plan" that I had moderated with just 3 stiff drinks.....but I was climbing the walls and barely slept.

Texted her the next morning and said - "only had three drinks - normal drinking.  I've got this.  Thanks for the wake-up call."

By that afternoon I was downing vodka on my drive from work so that once I got home I'd hopefully have gotten enough in me that the "3 normal drinks" she saw would last me through the night.

We all know the rest of the story.

 

[gasman 114]

3 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

1st time my wife confronted me and said that I need help, my exact words were.........."I'll handle it myself."   HAHAHAHAHAHHA.

That lasted 36 hours. 

I was so proud on day one of "my plan" that I had moderated with just 3 stiff drinks.....but I was climbing the walls and barely slept.

Texted her the next morning and said - "only had three drinks - normal drinking.  I've got this.  Thanks for the wake-up call."

By that afternoon I was downing vodka on my drive from work so that once I got home I'd hopefully have gotten enough in me that the "3 normal drinks" she saw would last me through the night.

We all know the rest of the story.

 

I would buy 2 4 packs of double IPA's. Drink one in my car in the garage. Leave 2 more in the garage. Let my wife see me drink one in the house. Go do some "chores" in the garage for a beer or 2... Then come back and let my wife see me drink another. Just 2 beers Honey.... Just thinking about the planning and the hiding now is so exhausting. 

[Reagan1k 3024]

11 minutes ago, gasman said:

I would buy 2 4 packs of double IPA's. Drink one in my car in the garage. Leave 2 more in the garage. Let my wife see me drink one in the house. Go do some "chores" in the garage for a beer or 2... Then come back and let my wife see me drink another. Just 2 beers Honey.... Just thinking about the planning and the hiding now is so exhausting. 

1st time I really spoke in an AA meeting that's what I talked about.....how much more time and energy I felt I had; not having to do all of that...it was so freeing.

When I was playing that moderation game I worked myself to death running errands and washing the cars so I could drink what I had to have out of her sight. 

The idea of real moderation or god-forbid abstinence induced such panic.

 

[Dewey 3286]

Oh so happy when I got my stockpile and oh so sad when it was almost gone the next day. How did all that booze go so fast? Now I have to go and try again, this time, make it last! Drinking at work, coming home replenishing my case of beer so she'd think nothing, take a nap, she comes home, begin drinking again. Every activity we had together I made sure alcohol was part of it. Cooking cleaning, church with her parents, babysitting friends kids, walk on the beach, driving an hour to her work to change a tire, everything. Heard a story a week ago how she went to her friends house crying, telling them she "can't do this anymore". 

When we're in the mix, we have no idea just how bad we are hurting others and when we get out of it and get better, it hurts so bad to learn just how much pain I caused. Amends made, mine with her is a lifetime,  even if shes not around to see it. Even so, when I hear stories like that... thankfully it doesnt drive me to drink, it drives me further into the "never again "

Best wishes to all who have quit and prayers to those who struggle, there's light out there, have trust in those who reach their hands out to help you.

[Celery Man 20931]

7 hours ago, SwanderedTalent said:

"I.... STILL... LIKE.... SWIMMING!!!!!!....."

if people help me out of here, they will see how wet i've become

 

Cycling... bars, lunch spots, convenience, and liquor stores.  So those people wouldn't know how much of an alcoholic I am.  And then there I am drinking at a bar and the people who work at one of my other bars are in there drinking, seeing me drinking.

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

59 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

Cycling... bars, lunch spots, convenience, and liquor stores. 

Hahaha. Yes, because if you're buying a fifth of the cheapest vodka from a liquor store twice in a week, they think you're a fine upstanding not-alcoholic. Lots of normal people come in twice a week and buy travelers of Skol. Now if you bought one there every day, THAT would be a problem. They'd know!!! But this way I'm fooling them. I'm going to take this plastic bottle of vodka home, here on Tuesday night, and serve it to my dinner guests! And oh if I'm back in four days that's just because I have.... er.... another dinner party!

Oh, and why just a fifth? Well, I might finally decide to quit after this one, I don't want to have to pour out half a gallon. 

[Reagan1k 3024]

I rotated stores so as not to look like a drunk......

[Kennythetiger 9375]

36 minutes ago, SwanderedTalent said:

Hahaha. Yes, because if you're buying a fifth of the cheapest vodka from a liquor store twice in a week, they think you're a fine upstanding not-alcoholic. Lots of normal people come in twice a week and buy travelers of Skol. Now if you bought one there every day, THAT would be a problem. They'd know!!! But this way I'm fooling them. I'm going to take this plastic bottle of vodka home, here on Tuesday night, and serve it to my dinner guests! And oh if I'm back in four days that's just because I have.... er.... another dinner party!

Oh, and why just a fifth? Well, I might finally decide to quit after this one, I don't want to have to pour out half a gallon. 

Amateur.  I was always going to quit as soon as I finished the half gallon.  For real, this time.

[El Diablo 4232]

48 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

I rotated stores so as not to look like a drunk......

As a retread I had no delusions and gave not one shit. "Hi Diablo, another handle?". "Yes, PLEASE". 

[gasman 114]

I was a craft beer connoisseur, you heathens. Never mind that fact that every beer I "liked" just happened to have the highest ABV percentage. I never spun that bottle around and picked the one with the higher number. Nope. Never. Well, maybe a time or two. 

[hundredTT 577]

Damn you guys are the fucking best, I feel guilty for now rejecting the offer. I’ve found steady living. I’m gonna stay in the Austin area and see how this plays out. God bless y’all. 

[Kennythetiger 9375]

10 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

1st time I really spoke in an AA meeting that's what I talked about.....how much more time and energy I felt I had; not having to do all of that...it was so freeing.

When I was playing that moderation game I worked myself to death running errands and washing the cars so I could drink what I had to have out of her sight. 

The idea of real moderation or god-forbid abstinence induced such panic.

Edited September 27, 2019 by Kennythetiger
Quoted the wrong guy

[Kennythetiger 9375]

14 minutes ago, hundredTT said:

Damn you guys are the fucking best, I feel guilty for now rejecting the offer. I’ve found steady living. I’m gonna stay in the Austin area and see how this plays out. God bless y’all. 

Thank you for checking in. 

[TexArcher 37761]

12 hours ago, gasman said:

I would buy 2 4 packs of double IPA's. Drink one in my car in the garage. Leave 2 more in the garage. Let my wife see me drink one in the house. Go do some "chores" in the garage for a beer or 2... Then come back and let my wife see me drink another. Just 2 beers Honey.... Just thinking about the planning and the hiding now is so exhausting. 

I once lived with my best friend when we were in our 20s.  I let him see me drink "a tall boy or two" every night, to account for the alcohol on my breath.  No big deal, I just like a beer or two before and after dinner.  But he didn't know about the handle of cheap vodka in my bedroom.  And of course I had to smuggle the handles into the apartment in a gym bag.  And it never occured to me that this was out of the norm or a sign of the train wreck my life would be ten years later.

It's amazing what we can become comfortable with.

[J.R. 150]

10 hours ago, hundredTT said:

Damn you guys are the fucking best, I feel guilty for now rejecting the offer. I’ve found steady living. I’m gonna stay in the Austin area and see how this plays out. God bless y’all. 

Hate to put it bluntly but everyone on here knows exactly how this plays out if you dont seek help and have seen it too many times to count.  We're only here because we did.  Balls in your court but my experience is take the advice of those that have already traveled the road you are on.  

[El Diablo 4232]

9 hours ago, TexArcher said:

I once lived with my best friend when we were in our 20s.  I let him see me drink "a tall boy or two" every night, to account for the alcohol on my breath.  No big deal, I just like a beer or two before and after dinner.  But he didn't know about the handle of cheap vodka in my bedroom.  And of course I had to smuggle the handles into the apartment in a gym bag.  And it never occured to me that this was out of the norm or a sign of the train wreck my life would be ten years later.

It's amazing what we can become comfortable with.

Brought them in one at a time wrapped in a coat/jacket/sweatshirt and then sneaking a trash bag full of empty handles out under the cover of darkness. Totally normal. If you're lucky like I was you lose everyone around you and then you don't have to hide the empties, they can just pile up in the living room, kitchen, dining room, wherever. 

[hullabelew 3723]

Been rewatching West Wing on Netflix.  I was a huge fan during the original run.  Love Leo's story about the guy falling in the hole.  

 

 

[Kennythetiger 9375]

Just ride it out, man.  He's got to figure that shit out on his own.  

[Reagan1k 3024]

46 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

Brought them in one at a time wrapped in a coat/jacket/sweatshirt and then sneaking a trash bag full of empty handles out under the cover of darkness. Totally normal. If you're lucky like I was you lose everyone around you and then you don't have to hide the empties, they can just pile up in the living room, kitchen, dining room, wherever. 

Now we're all just bragging to @hundredTT about how great killing ourselves slowly is....in one of the most agonizing manners known to medicine; melting our livers and shutting down our control over bodily functions.  Our bodies want/need to die but the disease is so powerful it keeps us alive as a host just to get more drinking done.

@hundredTT  There is a solution and it is RIGHT THERE....where ever you are.....it is RIGHT THERE.   Join us.  It's peaceful over here.

Godspeed.

 

[Reagan1k 3024]

@thestud    Yep.  It sucks to see all that grace around your friend and watch him turn his back to it.  

There is literally nothing you can do.  As the books says; "No human power could have relived us....."

Your friend is beyond human help - help is there for sure in the form of grace and a spiritual awakening, but no human can force him into it or make him accept the grace.

Once he accepts it, then there is plenty of human help that can guide him on the path to recovery, but the choice to surrender......nope.....all on him.  He may go down fighting this to the last breath and that is the sad reality for alcoholics.

I'd venture to say that whatever @BearSchlongtold you is 100% spot on.  I'm sorry for the loss and pain this has caused you, but this has been out of your control from the start.

Edit........After reading your last post it sounds like you are doing exactly what needs to be done and he may be deflating his ego some now.  I hope so

Edited September 27, 2019 by Reagan1k

[TwiceHorn 31438]

Godspeed, stud, to you and your friend.

[Dewey 3286]

"Letting go with love", I love that and use it quite a bit. Nothing better, beats the hell out of trying to let go with anger and pride and selfishness lol, which then we dont let go. 

A lot of time it's just best to let go and let people be. It's not abandoning them, it's just saying "you do for you and I'll be right here".

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

I don't really think multiple rehab stints accomplish much. You aren't going to learn anything the second 28 days that you didn't learn the first time. I was around some multiple-timers when I was in in-patient last year and most of them could not be bothered to pretend to care. Except for the one guy who was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, kept saying he knew what to do when he got out, and then killed himself two days after release. I guess he did know what to do, at that.

Hospitalization for detox is absolutely a good idea, and the whole "stop the world I need to get off thing" can be really helpful to building fledgling sobriety, but again I'm just skeptical that a lot of learning comes of a second or third long-term in-patient treatment. There's no master class you can take to top off your learning. 

I would defer to a treating medical professional, of course. A doctor wants someone in rehab for 30 days again, fine. I just feel like for me, for example, another stint in rehab would be a waste of time. I don't need to learn what to do or how to do it. I just need to do the things I have already learned to do and I need to stay aware and honest about whether I'm doing enough of them. I have spent the past 500 days doing them, really enthusiastically some days and barely at all on others, but with enough regularity to maintain enough serenity that the obsession hasn't returned. I am not immune to relapse, but just the days where I'm not doing enough to keep my spiritual health strong and my serenity good are painful enough to drive me back to a meeting and some phone calls and reading. 

And especially meditation, if y'all motherfuckers ain't doin' that, you are missing out.

[El Diablo 4232]

Took me a couple times in rehab to get it sort of right. First time thru I was 25 and doing it to get a job back that I'd been fired from. 2nd time was 'cause my ass was falling off again and I really did want to get it re-attached. I guess what I'm saying is, multiple trips may be needed depending on the motivation and sincerity of the attempt. I probably could have gotten by with just some detox time that 2nd go-round but there's no way to know that now. I got 11 years or so after that stint so for me all I can say is I think it helped.

[TwiceHorn 31438]

If you are a chronic relapser after various treatment options, I agree that another 30 day stint isn't going to do much.

For a first-timer in treatment, hitting pause can be pretty helpful.

After the first time, either extended 60-90 day treatment or sober living or both seem to be called for.

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

8 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

After the first time, either extended 60-90 day treatment or sober living or both seem to be called for.

That. That's what I was trying to say. I definitely agree that just because someone "flunks" rehab 101 doesn't mean there isn't a rehabilitation solution for them-- just that in my time in in-patient, I saw way too many kids in their 20s on their third or fourth stint of 30 days. If that shit doesn't take the first or MAYBE second time, there is no reason to keep trying it. Extended treatment could work, though.

[hullabelew 3723]

I'm going on my first out-of-town business trip since coming out of rehab.  Those trips used to be an excuse to REALLY drink, from the time I hit the Atlanta airport, until the time I got home.  And this particular trip would have been a PRIME opportunity.  Staying and working in DC.  Meeting is one block from the hotel.  They fucked up our schedule, so I get there at 5pm Monday and the first meeting starts at 2pm on Tuesday.  Tell me THAT schedule wouldn't have been a recipe for disaster.  

The thing I'm really excited about and what will help keep me from jumping back into the pool is a bunch of us from rehab are having a little get-together in Nashville that weekend.  We are going to a program for where 'alumni' meet with current patients on Friday night (all you can eat fish fry!).  The food at this place is fucking AWESOME.  Then some of us are going to fuck around Nashville that day then all of us and our wives are going to have dinner that night and catch up.  Then go to the kickass church service they have on Sundays (they always have a pretty well known Nashville songwriter play 3 songs at the service).  I can't fucking wait for this.  

 

[BBQ2Bayou 807]

4 hours ago, SwanderedTalent said:

 

And especially meditation, if y'all motherfuckers ain't doin' that, you are missing out.

Have any links that you like? I would like to give this a try. 

 

Good work on the 500 days. You and I are only 2 or 3 days apart. I don't look at my amount of time app everyday to see how long it's been, but I was aware when 500 was coming up. It seemed like an accomplishment. I still don't really allow myself to be proud of not drinking because I'm hard on myself and think it's my own fault for ever putting myself in a situation that I couldn't control, but I'm starting to come around to maybe it's ok to pat myself on the back every now and then. Anyway, 500 days felt like a pretty damn good thing to me. 

[Kennythetiger 9375]

4 hours ago, SwanderedTalent said:

And especially meditation, if y'all motherfuckers ain't doin' that, you are missing out.

Yep.

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

10 minutes ago, BBQ2Bayou said:

Have any links that you like? I would like to give this a try. 

I use the Insight Timer app. This will sound a little hippie-dippy, but my brain really reacts to the sound of the Kangse bowl when it BONGs to start. It really is a Pavlovian kind of trigger. It's a simple app, you can use it to do guided or just timed meditations. I use it to do mine, between 12-15 minutes at a time. I've never been into thirty- or sixty-minute sessions, but there is a meditation AA meeting here in Lakeway that I attended for a while and that helped me practice being still and quiet for 20 minutes. 

No links or anything I can really share, but a few tips if you're not experienced, since I like a lot of people really struggled with it.

1) Don't worry about quieting your mind per se. Don't start making your chore list or running through your greatest hits of regret and embarrassment, but don't worry if you actually have thoughts while you're sitting quietly with your eyes closed. Just go with it. Let it come, let it go, forget about it. 

2) Focus on your breath. Deep, slow, easy, count them for a while if it helps you get into relaxation.

3) Start small. Five minutes might seem like too short a period of time to be worth it, but it's about getting comfortable with the whole thing. Five here, seven the next day, ten next week, etc. Build up to it. For me, I really don't need to go beyond 20 minutes to feel refreshed and calm, but I couldn't do 20 at first because I was too busy worrying about how much time had elapsed and uh oh I'm still thinking, crap I'm terrible at meditation! Because I had to be perfect at everything, you know.

4) You have successfully meditated if you sat there for your target period of time, as calm and at ease as you were capable of, and breathed deep, and feel better when you finished. That's it. It doesn't have to look or be a certain way, it just has to give you some peace. 

[Kennythetiger 9375]

Even 5 minutes can make a huge difference. 

[Dewey 3286]

If you like meditation,  the book "a gradual awakening " by Stephen Levine is a great book. His son, Noah is a recovered junkie who has a pretty big following.

Honestly, meditation can be anything you want it to be As long as it calms you. The key is to not fight the thoughts, as said above, let them come and go, like bubbles. Do not sit there and think "not now! I dont want to think about you!" Lol

As a Taoist monk once said, "work on building an empty mind"

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

4 hours ago, SwanderedTalent said:

That. That's what I was trying to say. I definitely agree that just because someone "flunks" rehab 101 doesn't mean there isn't a rehabilitation solution for them-- just that in my time in in-patient, I saw way too many kids in their 20s on their third or fourth stint of 30 days. If that shit doesn't take the first or MAYBE second time, there is no reason to keep trying it. Extended treatment could work, though.

With rare exceptions I don't think rehab works on twentysomethings, the first, second, third or twelfth time, whether it's 30-day to one-year. 

[hundredTT 577]

14 hours ago, J.R. said:

Hate to put it bluntly but everyone on here knows exactly how this plays out if you dont seek help and have seen it too many times to count.  We're only here because we did.  Balls in your court but my experience is take the advice of those that have already traveled the road you are on.  

I know too. I didn’t know how else to say thanks but no thanks for the generosity that truly is beyond amazing. People on here are no doubt just great humans beings. I feel like this is my only outlet, so kind of makes me feel good about coming clean. I’ve experimented with a dangerous drug the last 2 days, my new living situation isn’t ideal for sure. I’m textbook fucked up alcoholic who is circling the drain. First time ever using drugs in my entire life, but I really have come to the point where I don’t give much shits anymore. Not trying to come off as “look at me” just thought I’d continue to share my journey. I’ve been sharing on here since 2015 on shaggy, this is basically my diary. I just don’t know what getting sober would accomplish at this point, except living longer. But what is living when there’s nothing to live for anymore...

[TwiceHorn 31438]

On rehab, it depends.  Most 20-somethings haven't been around enough to be sick and tired of being sick and tired.  They are still bulletproof in their own minds and only doing it because courts or parents or some combination is forcing them to.  It's often not even clear that they suffer from the disease; they may just be idiots.

Of course, that isn't the exclusive province of 20-somethings, or 30-somethings or anyone else. That said, I know some teens, now 20s and even 30s, that have amazing recovery, and hair-raising stories.

It's important to distinguish those who don't want what rehab offers--they're there--and those who want what it offers but aren't ready to accept it; they aren't "willing," as it were.  Many of us have been there.

If you want what it has and are willing, rehab can be a big help.  If you just want it, it can help.  All of us have struggled with willingness at one time or another.  Often it takes some age, experience, and family to get to the want and willing stages.

[Kennythetiger 9375]

32 minutes ago, hundredTT said:

I know too. I didn’t know how else to say thanks but no thanks for the generosity that truly is beyond amazing. People on here are no doubt just great humans beings. I feel like this is my only outlet, so kind of makes me feel good about coming clean. I’ve experimented with a dangerous drug the last 2 days, my new living situation isn’t ideal for sure. I’m textbook fucked up alcoholic who is circling the drain. First time ever using drugs in my entire life, but I really have come to the point where I don’t give much shits anymore. Not trying to come off as “look at me” just thought I’d continue to share my journey. I’ve been sharing on here since 2015 on shaggy, this is basically my diary. I just don’t know what getting sober would accomplish at this point, except living longer. But what is living when there’s nothing to live for anymore...

Well, I’m glad you’re still here. Are you TTom from Shaggy?

[TwiceHorn 31438]

TTom is still around, eo nomine, as it were.

[TwiceHorn 31438]

46 minutes ago, hundredTT said:

I know too. I didn’t know how else to say thanks but no thanks for the generosity that truly is beyond amazing. People on here are no doubt just great humans beings. I feel like this is my only outlet, so kind of makes me feel good about coming clean. I’ve experimented with a dangerous drug the last 2 days, my new living situation isn’t ideal for sure. I’m textbook fucked up alcoholic who is circling the drain. First time ever using drugs in my entire life, but I really have come to the point where I don’t give much shits anymore. Not trying to come off as “look at me” just thought I’d continue to share my journey. I’ve been sharing on here since 2015 on shaggy, this is basically my diary. I just don’t know what getting sober would accomplish at this point, except living longer. But what is living when there’s nothing to live for anymore...

Sure, "living" as an addict.  Dollars to donuts, you don't even know what it is to live anymore.

Life is actually pretty nice when you aren't living it by the drop, to borrow a phrase.  Definitely beats the alternatives.

What we've got is more than freedom from substances.  It's a better life than you have ever experienced.

Edited September 28, 2019 by TwiceHorn

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

It's amazing how my clinical depression vanishes when I am not ingesting depressants by the gallon daily.