I'm An Alcoholic

[troph 25089]

So, troph, is the husband a 'holic too?  So you've got death, an extremely co-dependent and mutually alcoholic/drug addicted couple on the menu?

Yes.[mention=4180]genco[/mention] - I’m not trying to be Debbie downer with my friends, but I expect him dead in a year or less. Hoping to see the husband save himself, sophisticated denial, “not an AA guy” and thinks he can do this with will power, so our contacts in the recovery/rehab space are saying hire an interventionist.  

 

I’ve got another intervention on the legal side for a friend and not alcohol related that’s wearing me out. I’m tired of being responsible.

 

Had two glasses of wine last night at dinner, all I saw was poison killing my friend.

 

Ugh.

 

Any of you have experience with professional interventionists?

 

 

 

[BearSchlong 8231]

2 hours ago, troph said:

I’m tired of being responsible.

When I feel the weight of the world, I step back, close my eyes, take a deep breath, and realize that I'm pretty powerless.

[The Royal We 3090]

Just popping in to say that you guys who continually offer to help a stranger struggling are inspiring to me.  There is still a lot of good in this world and you guys remind me of that.

 

[El Diablo 4232]

50 minutes ago, The Royal We said:

Just popping in to say that you guys who continually offer to help a stranger struggling are inspiring to me.  There is still a lot of good in this world and you guys remind me of that.

 

To borrow an analogy from the BB, we're a bit like a group that survived a sinking ship together in a lifeboat. Many drowned and didn't make it away safely. I think most here do what they do out of a real sense of gratitude. Keeping the lighthouse lit for the next poor soul to find the same refuge from the storm, so to speak.

[troph 25089]

When I feel the weight of the world, I step back, close my eyes, take a deep breath, and realize that I'm pretty powerless.

I don’t have power or control over this situation or a criminal situation at the border in terms of the other issue but I’m pretty damn influential and have the ability to put people in the best position to succeed if they listen and do what I ask. With alcoholics that goes right out the window. I’m preparing to “detach with love” but it will including watching one friend die soon and possibly watching another fall of the deep end. I’m under no illusion he’s going to listen to me - hence my question re professional intervention.

[TwiceHorn 31987]

6 hours ago, troph said:

Yes.[mention=4180]genco[/mention] - I’m not trying to be Debbie downer with my friends, but I expect him dead in a year or less. Hoping to see the husband save himself, sophisticated denial, “not an AA guy” and thinks he can do this with will power, so our contacts in the recovery/rehab space are saying hire an interventionist.  

 

I’ve got another intervention on the legal side for a friend and not alcohol related that’s wearing me out. I’m tired of being responsible.

 

Had two glasses of wine last night at dinner, all I saw was poison killing my friend.

 

Ugh.

 

Any of you have experience with professional interventionists?

 

 

 

That's quite a mess. One might think that having a ringside seat at the destruction of a loved one by alcohol might have a "transferred consequences" effect.  But it just doesn't seem to work that way.

No experience with interventionists.

 

Godspeed, friend.

[Reagan1k 3040]

3 hours ago, El Diablo said:

To borrow an analogy from the BB, we're a bit like a group that survived a sinking ship together in a lifeboat. Many drowned and didn't make it away safely. I think most here do what they do out of a real sense of gratitude. Keeping the lighthouse lit for the next poor soul to find the same refuge from the storm, so to speak.

And nothing is more effective at keeping us sober than working with another alcoholic, regardless of the setting.... 

[hullabelew 3730]

I just don't see how interventionists work for anyone.  The one thing that is needed is the person has to be ready to completely just give in/surrender/open up/give up...however you want to phase it.  You are the only one who can surrender for yourself.  Just ask the French.

To me, the best fucking thing about rehab is I was able to get away from home...mainly work and my wife....and life's daily bullshit, and just concentrate on me.  

Plus, you hear and see some funny shit while you are there.  I honestly have never laughed or cried that much.  My stomach hurt from laughing and just being able to finally relax, with people in the same state of mind, working together for a common goal.  One dude said, "We are working alone, to get sober, together".   No fucking way could I have gotten and stayed sober if I had been at home.  

One great story.  Some of the best stories dealt with people who were packing for rehab while they were wasted.  One guy said it was like Christmas, once he got out of detox and they assigned him a room.   Another dude had a suitcase of dirty clothes.  He had packed his entire dirty laundry basket.  

I'm leaving tomorrow to drive back up to Nashville to pick up a buddy who relapsed and went back in to detox.  He is going to come stay with my me and my wife.  He lives in a shit town and he hates it there.  He just needs to get the fuck out, not go back to that house, all alone.  He said when he was living in a sober living house in Nashville, he had tons of energy, started exercising again, walking 5 miles every morning.  But when he went back home, to his lonely house, in that shitty little town, he just wanted to stay in his house and drink.  I know full well that he would do the same for me.  

 

[troph 25089]

That's quite a mess. One might think that having a ringside seat at the destruction of a loved one by alcohol might have a "transferred consequences" effect.  But it just doesn't seem to work that way.
No experience with interventionists.
 
Godspeed, friend.

Y’all talk a lot about denial and how shockingly strong it is. I tell ya I can’t figure it out. It’s bewildering.

Though it’s possible he comes to and understands the issue. Everyday is a new one. My hope remains.

But yeah - the denial of an alcoholic is about as strong as the delusion of the codep that she can save ya.

[BBQ2Bayou 807]

It might not be the kind of denial you think and it's hard to explain it. At least for me, I knew exactly what the problem was and that I couldn't just slow it down, but I would have to quit altogether or not at all. But when you're that dependent, your brain really plays tricks on you and you give up fighting it. YOu know you're lying to yourself. I've sat there and had arguments out loud with myself. You care and you don't care quite enough. Maybe you'll care later. That's it, just think about later. That sounds good. It's a very, very confusing and dark place to be.  

 

[Reagan1k 3040]

The alcoholic moves past denial and into delusion.....We cannot distinguish the true from the false and are living in a set of false beliefs.

That's more deadly than any river in Egypt, and is what is so baffling for all involved.

"The ideas that somehow, someday he will be able to control and enjoy his drinking again is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death."

[Tylerocks 2580]

I have an alcoholic father.  

He's been hospitalized 2 times in the last year. He has cirrhosis.  He's retaining fluid in his abdomen and legs, putting stress on his heart and lungs.  There are other things at play here (depression/anxiety) although he doesn't admit those.

He's been told he has to quit drinking.

He hasn't.  I do think he has cut down, not that that matters.

Treatment has been offered, but as a 79 year old, I can't see him doing anything about it.  We lost my mom in 2010 and he hasn't been the same person and I think he's just ready to check out.

He's 2500 miles away from me and my sister, so we're pretty helpless with day-to-day checking on him.  He is living with a female companion who is on his ass about it, but again, what can you say to a guy that has been drinking for 60+ years?

Just kind of venting here...

[JohnnyRage 1617]

Glad you’re here.

 

Pics of the ‘companion’?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 24, 2019 by JohnnyRage

[Llewelyn Moss 220]

So I’m kind of desperate and am running out of ideas, but so far am not panicking. I’m looking for suggestions. I’m not sure how much info to give publicly here. I can give more in PM if somebody needs it for advice. My brother is a recovering addict and lives in a Dallas suburb. I am 95% certain he moved into an Oxford house in late August.

My parents last saw and talked to him on Sunday. But no response to phone calls or texts since then. (We called him to ask about the tornado.) It’s not uncommon for him to lose cell service for a bit b/c of non-payment. He also hasn’t responded to Facebook messages. I called the Oxford house today, but the guy who answered said he moved in Oct 1 and my bro had not lived there in that time. 

I’ve spoken today with the one friend of his, also in AA, whose number I had. He FB messaged my brother yesterday but hadn’t heard back. We don’t know where he works, his sponsor’s last name (first name John), or anything else I can think of to help contact him. We do have car info. 
 

He has relapsed several times before. I know that the two most likely scenarios are 1) he just hasn’t paid his phone bill 2) he relapsed and doesn’t want to talk to us (or some combo of these.)

Any ideas for how to contact him? Am I too worried? I live in another state so that may complicate things some. Thank you in advance.

 

[Llewelyn Moss 220]

14 minutes ago, Llewelyn Moss said:

So I’m kind of desperate and am running out of ideas, but so far am not panicking. I’m looking for suggestions. I’m not sure how much info to give publicly here. I can give more in PM if somebody needs it for advice. My brother is a recovering addict and lives in a Dallas suburb. I am 95% certain he moved into an Oxford house in late August.

My parents last saw and talked to him on Sunday. But no response to phone calls or texts since then. (We called him to ask about the tornado.) It’s not uncommon for him to lose cell service for a bit b/c of non-payment. He also hasn’t responded to Facebook messages. I called the Oxford house today, but the guy who answered said he moved in Oct 1 and my bro had not lived there in that time. 

I’ve spoken today with the one friend of his, also in AA, whose number I had. He FB messaged my brother yesterday but hadn’t heard back. We don’t know where he works, his sponsor’s last name (first name John), or anything else I can think of to help contact him. We do have car info. 
 

He has relapsed several times before. I know that the two most likely scenarios are 1) he just hasn’t paid his phone bill 2) he relapsed and doesn’t want to talk to us (or some combo of these.)

Any ideas for how to contact him? Am I too worried? I live in another state so that may complicate things some. Thank you in advance.

 

Literally ten minutes after I posted this, brother called my mom. He’s fine—just decided to give his phone to his sponsor for the time being—doesn’t want one for now. Relieved! Thanks anyway. 

[TwiceHorn 31987]

Glad that came out alright.

[El Diablo 4232]

Glad to hear that turned out okay. I can't imagine the hell I put people through and never even knew it. It takes a while before family and friends don't assume the worst and begin to develop some trust.  

[Dewey 3325]

I was extremely forgetful early on, went 2 weeks without calling mom or anyone in the family, they thought the worst. Truth is, I was depressed and trying to figure things out without the drink. Kept waiting for that big moment when it all made sense.

Glad your brother is okay, good move to ditch the phone. 

[Celery Man 21076]

So my 4 year anniversary came and went and I didn't even realize it.  3 days in on my 5th year.  Seems crazy.

I think I did more productive stuff today than I did in the 2 years prior to my recovery.  That might be literally true.  Crazy to think back at how difficult life was.

[BearSchlong 8231]

what can you say to a guy that has been drinking for 60+ years?
Just kind of venting here...

Have you ever had a frank discussion with him about this? What has been the effect on your life?

[BearSchlong 8231]

Literally ten minutes after I posted this, brother called my mom. He’s fine—just decided to give his phone to his sponsor for the time being—doesn’t want one for now. Relieved! Thanks anyway. 

Glad it turned out ok. Why did he give his phone to sponsor? To avoid calling dealers, or to avoid other compulsions one might find on the internet?

[Reagan1k 3040]

@Llewelyn Moss 

I'm glad your loved one is safe and sound....and apparently accountable to his sponsor.

Side note....... I make sure my sponsees' families have my full name and contact information.  For me, my anonymity is maintained only in the context of the traditions....but not to keep me anonymous from those I might help.  They don't have my number to use me as a sobriety cop (I set that boundary from the start),  but if one of my guys has a heart attack or is in a wreck, I want them to be able to reach me and not have to search the coast for some drunk named Reagan in AA.

 

 

[hundredTT 578]

Happy for you Moss! I have been keeping up with this thread, drank my usual vodka amounts tonight, but even as I am physically intoxicated now, I didn’t get any satisfaction. I usually jam out to music, watch random YouTube stuff and feel great...all that was gone tonight, and a few nights now. Not sure if I’m entering a new level, but all drinking does is make me super sleepy as fuck. Happened a few times lately, all I want to do is sleep all day now. Not feeling depressed either though, been down that road and it is not that. I feel completely tired all the time now. Went to bed at 11ish pm yesterday. Didn’t wake up until 3 pm today. Been in bed since 9 today and falling asleep as I type/edit this. 

Edited October 25, 2019 by hundredTT

[JohnnyRage 1617]

9 minutes ago, hundredTT said:

Happy for you Moss! I have been keeping up with this thread, drank my usual vodka amounts tonight, but even as I am physically intoxicated now, I didn’t get any satisfaction. I usually jam out to music, watch random YouTube stuff and feel great...all that was gone tonight, and a few nights now. Not sure if I’m entering a new level, but all drinking does is make me super sleepy as fuck. Happened a few times lately, all I want to do is sleep all day now. Not feeling depressed either though, been down that road and it is not that. 

I usually enjoy drinking my way for about an hour , maybe two if I'm lucky. The rest of the time is passed out or chasing a monkey.

 

 

Edited October 25, 2019 by JohnnyRage

[El Diablo 4232]

1 hour ago, hundredTT said:

Happy for you Moss! I have been keeping up with this thread, drank my usual vodka amounts tonight, but even as I am physically intoxicated now, I didn’t get any satisfaction. I usually jam out to music, watch random YouTube stuff and feel great...all that was gone tonight, and a few nights now. Not sure if I’m entering a new level, but all drinking does is make me super sleepy as fuck. Happened a few times lately, all I want to do is sleep all day now. Not feeling depressed either though, been down that road and it is not that. I feel completely tired all the time now. Went to bed at 11ish pm yesterday. Didn’t wake up until 3 pm today. Been in bed since 9 today and falling asleep as I type/edit this. 

How much blood did you lose? I'd think that might cause some loss in energy.

[Tylerocks 2580]

11 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

 

 

Have you ever had a frank discussion with him about this? What has been the effect on your life?

 

No.

We don't really have that type of relationship.  He tends to shut down when conversations trend toward serious.

His drinking has had zero effect on my life. I mean obviously other than worrying about his health/well being.

It was never really an issue until his diagnosis a couple years ago.  He is a great dad, was a good husband, smartest person I know.  He was a professor and is still dedicated to teaching in some form or fashion today.

His drinking was never really in excess, at least it was never apparent to me.  

[Llewelyn Moss 220]

11 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

14 hours ago, Llewelyn Moss said:

Literally ten minutes after I posted this, brother called my mom. He’s fine—just decided to give his phone to his sponsor for the time being—doesn’t want one for now. Relieved! Thanks anyway. 

Glad it turned out ok. Why did he give his phone to sponsor? To avoid calling dealers, or to avoid other compulsions one might find on the internet?

I’m not 100% sure on the reason. I got the explanation from my parents, who talked with him directly. From what they said, it’s most likely about internet compulsions but of course it could be about contact to his old world, too. Whatever the reason, I interpreted giving the phone to his sponsor as a good thing. It sounds like several of you agree. 
 

Because the phone is the only way we keep in touch (live hundreds of miles away) I was thinking of writing him a good ol’ letter. Maybe include a drawing from his niece, my preschool daughter. 

[BearSchlong 8231]

One of my personal axioms is that people behave the way they're equipped to behave.  My own dad who has been sober for almost 30 years and is in his mid 70s still smokes cigarettes, and I have to accept the fact that he's not equipped to stop that particular addiction, though he's a damned good member of AA.  He and I had a 7 hour drive back in September and he had the sinus crud.  I lectured him for 30 seconds about how if he quit smoking he would lessen his frequency of getting sick and would improve his overall health.  I also told him I love him and that I want him to live many more years.  Then i told him I was shutting the hell up because I had said my piece about the matter.

This is a man who should have died in 2012 from a ruptured aortic aneurysm, which was, ironically enough,probably exacerbated by smoking since he was 14 yrs old.  He's also an insulin dependent diabetic who loves to eat sugar.  I really don't understand his thinking, but honestly it's none of my business.

My al anon wife has a saying - "saying it one time is information.  saying it twice is manipulation"

So the tl;dr is that your dad is behaving the way he's currently equipped to behave, for whatever reason.

If it were my dad and he was far away, i might go on amazon and order him a copy of Alcoholics Anonymous and have it delivered with a note that says look, this might interest you, it might not, but I love you Dad and think that these group of alcoholics can be helpful.  Back in 1939 the book was designed precisely for that purpose - to give to problem drinkers who were far away from AA ground zero in Akron, Cleveland, and NYC.

That's about the most helpful thing that i can come up with for your situation.

Edited October 25, 2019 by BearSchlong

[Kennythetiger 9584]

+repping your wife.  I hope I can remember that one.

[Kennythetiger 9584]

39 minutes ago, Llewelyn Moss said:

I’m not 100% sure on the reason. I got the explanation from my parents, who talked with him directly. From what they said, it’s most likely about internet compulsions but of course it could be about contact to his old world, too. Whatever the reason, I interpreted giving the phone to his sponsor as a good thing. It sounds like several of you agree. 
 

Because the phone is the only way we keep in touch (live hundreds of miles away) I was thinking of writing him a good ol’ letter. Maybe include a drawing from his niece, my preschool daughter. 

Great idea.  I have three nieces, grade school and younger, we see each other probably once a month, Facetime at least weekly, but there's nothing that makes my day more than a random letter or note in the mail that says "Uncle Kenny".

[BearSchlong 8231]

 

No one believed him when he said he hadn't been drinking. Then researchers found his body was producing alcohol

 

http://flip.it/3LEs7-

 

I cant even. . .just wow.

 

 

[Kennythetiger 9584]

11 hours ago, Llewelyn Moss said:

I’m not 100% sure on the reason. I got the explanation from my parents, who talked with him directly. From what they said, it’s most likely about internet compulsions but of course it could be about contact to his old world, too. Whatever the reason, I interpreted giving the phone to his sponsor as a good thing. It sounds like several of you agree. 
 

Because the phone is the only way we keep in touch (live hundreds of miles away) I was thinking of writing him a good ol’ letter. Maybe include a drawing from his niece, my preschool daughter. 

Man, I’ve been thinking about this all day. Pretty soon these goddamn phones are going to be worse than Jack Daniels and an 8-ball. Maybe your brother is just ahead of the game. 
When your daughter is old enough to write, have her closing be “Please write back” in kindergartener chicken scratch. That’ll get him. 

[troph 25089]

One of my personal axioms is that people behave the way they're equipped to behave.  My own dad who has been sober for almost 30 years and is in his mid 70s still smokes cigarettes, and I have to accept the fact that he's not equipped to stop that particular addiction, though he's a damned good member of AA.  He and I had a 7 hour drive back in September and he had the sinus crud.  I lectured him for 30 seconds about how if he quit smoking he would lessen his frequency of getting sick and would improve his overall health.  I also told him I love him and that I want him to live many more years.  Then i told him I was shutting the hell up because I had said my piece about the matter.
This is a man who should have died in 2012 from a ruptured aortic aneurysm, which was, ironically enough,probably exacerbated by smoking since he was 14 yrs old.  He's also an insulin dependent diabetic who loves to eat sugar.  I really don't understand his thinking, but honestly it's none of my business.
My al anon wife has a saying - "saying it one time is information.  saying it twice is manipulation"
So the tl;dr is that your dad is behaving the way he's currently equipped to behave, for whatever reason.
If it were my dad and he was far away, i might go on amazon and order him a copy of Alcoholics Anonymous and have it delivered with a note that says look, this might interest you, it might not, but I love you Dad and think that these group of alcoholics can be helpful.  Back in 1939 the book was designed precisely for that purpose - to give to problem drinkers who were far away from AA ground zero in Akron, Cleveland, and NYC.
That's about the most helpful thing that i can come up with for your situation.

So what do I do about my friend and his husband? We told him we thought rehab was very much a necessity. Some say hire a professional to intervene some say no.

I’ve said it once... ?

[TwiceHorn 31987]

7 minutes ago, troph said:

 

So what do I do about my friend and his husband? We told him we thought rehab was very much a necessity. Some say hire a professional to intervene some say no.

I’ve said it once... ?

 

I don't think any of them can hurt.  If the person remains in denial, though, none are guaranteed to bust through it.

[Llewelyn Moss 220]

23 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

Man, I’ve been thinking about this all day. Pretty soon these goddamn phones are going to be worse than Jack Daniels and an 8-ball. Maybe your brother is just ahead of the game. 
When your daughter is old enough to write, have her closing be “Please write back” in kindergartener chicken scratch. That’ll get him. 

Thank you for the advice and feedback, Kenny. Pos rep coming your way when I can give more. 

[Dewey 3325]

19 minutes ago, troph said:

 

So what do I do about my friend and his husband? We told him we thought rehab was very much a necessity. Some say hire a professional to intervene some say no.

I’ve said it once... ?

 

I was in denial, until I wasnt, most of us are like that. Theres a fine line between being a pest and a loving person only wanting to see their friend do better. It's more than putting the bug in their ear and less than talking about it every time you see them, though, your presence alone should mean it's time to quit and go to rehab, so be around as much as you can

 

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

10 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

 

 researchers found his body was producing alcohol

that would have been like giving me a great set of tits, I'd have never left the house again

[troph 25089]

that would have been like giving me a great set of tits, I'd have never left the house again

You’d get out eventually, trust me.

[BearSchlong 8231]

So what do I do about my friend and his husband? We told him we thought rehab was very much a necessity. Some say hire a professional to intervene some say no.

I’ve said it once... ?

If he is alcoholic, you're powerless over his disease. Treat em with love, patience and tolerance and hold your head high knowing you've done your part. He is just a sick man.

Imagine you're standing inside a hula hoop. Inside that hula hoop is your sphere of influence. Everything outside that hula hoop is not your business unless you're specifically asked for help.

I don't have experience with professional intervention, but isn't telling him he needs rehab the same thing with less drama and theatrics?

You're perfectly within your rights to detach with love if you can't stomach the pain of witnessing whatever happens, and making that approach abundantly clear.

I subscribe to Dr. Paul's philosophy on the matter, from page 417 of the AA big book.

Some drunks are gonna recover, some drunks are gonna die, and the only thing I know how to do is share my experience with those that ask for help. Recovery has to become ones own idea.

Every good AA talk I've ever heard includes some facsimile of "I alienated everyone close to me, then when I took action and asked for help I was buoyed with brotherly love, from other ex problem drinkers"

I've got a very close recovered friend (actually several) in Austin who happens to be gay (and many who are not, it doesn't matter), if your friend expresses the willingness to consider AA then I'd be very happy to make an introduction. We reach our hands out to those who sincerely ask for help.

He's gonna know when his goose is cooked, when alcohol has beat him into reasonableness.

[El Diablo 4232]

Got a text message from my son earlier today that his mama died this morning. She was only 55 years old. While the death certificate will probably say something along the lines of "death due to complications from pneumonia" the simple truth is that she died prematurely from decades of drug and alcohol abuse. RIP Renee. 

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

10 hours ago, El Diablo said:

Got a text message from my son earlier today that his mama died this morning. She was only 55 years old. While the death certificate will probably say something along the lines of "death due to complications from pneumonia" the simple truth is that she died prematurely from decades of drug and alcohol abuse. RIP Renee. 

Sorry for your loss, Diablo. 

I turned 45 over the summer and right now it feels like I'm going to live for-fucking-ever. If I decide to pick up a drink today, I'd be lucky to live another ten years and then die miserably. More likely I'd be out of here a lot sooner. Powerful stuff to think about first thing in the morning. 

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

HundredTT, checkin?

[BearSchlong 8231]

Oh buddy I'm so sorry. That really sucks. Thoughts and prayers.

[El Diablo 4232]

It was the umpteenth time she'd had pneumonia and her body just couldn't take another round of it. She was always a mess, I met her when I first got out of the Navy in '84. I don't think we were together even 6 months. We were not the ideal parents but I know my son loved his mom and he is hurting. 

[BabaYaga 15532]

Wife's mom sounds similar.  Had her as a young teenager.  Smoke and drank her whole damn life.  Developed lung cancer earlier this year.  Somehow still with us.  So guess what, she's smoking and drinking again.  Got shitfaced earlier this year, cut her boyfriend in the head with a kitchen knife (he's a recovering Native American from OK city).  

Fun times.  Shit doesn't get any easier as you get older.  You just get better at dealing with it and you find someone that you want to deal with the bullshit together.  

[TwiceHorn 31987]

Back to the topic of interventionist.  An interventionist helps the addict break through the denial long enough to get them into rehab.

For it to work, you have to have someone that isn't deep into the delusion, and you have to hope that the rehab sticks long enough for them to make it.

The reality for many is that rehab is but a stepping stone to long-term sobriety.  I'm not sure it matters whether they enter rehab fully ready to recover or in a fleeting moment of clarity or compulsion, achieved by whatever means.

Even if rehab is unsuccessful, it usually plants a "seed of sobriety" that makes continuing to drink even more hellish and will accelerate either recovery or death.

[BearSchlong 8231]

I remember mine. . .of course it was 1 week after my car wreck so shit was going terribly bad in my life, all I needed was a suggestion and a nudge.

No professionals involved, except my Dad with 18 years of AA. . .he called me and said he wanted to talk, and he told me to come alone (leave my toxic shack job at her place).  When I got there, my Dad, Stepmom and Mom were in the living room, and my sister was on the laptop via Skype from Las Vegas.

I don't remember what was said other than there was a lot of crying females and people telling me they were worried about me and the way I was headed.

Then Dad said something that clicked in my brain - "Son, I can't pronounce you alcoholic, but I can tell you that from where I sit your life is unmanageable. . .you may want to think about going to an AA meeting.  There's one tonight at St. Francis at 7:30.

CLICK! (in my brain)- Wait, unmanageability - I got that, life is unraveling before my very eyes.  AA?  Hey, hold on a minute, isn't the first step of AA "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become UNMANAGEABLE?" 

I'm embarrassed to admit that until that moment, I hadn't established causality.  I was too clueless connect the dots.  That was Saturday Jan 29, 2011 - my last drink was a week and some days previous, on Jan 21. . .so a week and some change sitting in my own cesspool, knowing something was wrong but not being able to put my finger on it, pretending for my new job that I was on top of the world, but not drinking mainly because I was terrified of what might happen.

No inpatient hospitalization, no treatment, just a bottle of scotch , a car wreck, a 3 day weekend in a lonely hotel room with an ice bucket, a week of terror/out of town work training hoping nobody would dwell on cuts, scrapes, and bruises, a family intervention (if you even want to call it that), and a Saturday night AA meeting.

I just realized that was the best 10 days of my entire life.

I also benefitted tremendously from the fact that when I walked into that meeting, I knew 90% of the people there, including the guy I called that afternoon, who is still my grand-sponsor.

funny story - A month previously to that January interval I had shown up drunk at the AA Christmas party with a bottle of wine, because the host's son and I were high school buddies and he happened to be in town, he's a chief pilot for a major airline.  Showed up with my GF and proceeded to sing Karaoke completely wasted.

A fact which I've been reminded of periodically throughout the last 8 years. . .

Edited October 31, 2019 by BearSchlong
better word choice

[troph 25089]

Update - seems pretty impossible to get in there on this one. They are home and controlling the narrative it seems. I’m going to go be around as I can, not drink and be the present conscience - counter balancing the seeming “in control” narrative they have. Hoping they beat the odds but 20 years of drinking from 7am until bedtime doesn’t leave much chance for anyone imo. Doubt an intervention is happening here.

[BearSchlong 8231]

45 minutes ago, troph said:

Update - seems pretty impossible to get in there on this one. They are home and controlling the narrative it seems. I’m going to go be around as I can, not drink and be the present conscience - counter balancing the seeming “in control” narrative they have. Hoping they beat the odds but 20 years of drinking from 7am until bedtime doesn’t leave much chance for anyone imo. Doubt an intervention is happening here.

 

The paradox of recovery.  How do you surrender to win when surrender isn't in one's DNA?  Worse when there's an enabler to co-sign the choice to play God.

This situation is probably more the norm than the exception.

Oh, you should drink around them.  Why should you change your behavior, you're not the alcoholic? (only slightly kidding)

[troph 25089]

 
The paradox of recovery.  How do you surrender to win when surrender isn't in one's DNA?  Worse when there's an enabler to co-sign the choice to play God.
This situation is probably more the norm than the exception.
Oh, you should drink around them.  Why should you change your behavior, you're not the alcoholic? (only slightly kidding)

I won’t drink around them because when I tell them it’s poison and they need to go to rehab they don’t listen. My conscience demands I keep speaking, so I’ll do it with my actions. My decision not to drink around them is about how I want to be near a dead man walking.

I’m pretty mad at them right now.

Pride is a fucked up thing, it’s gonna kill one of them and make the other wish he was dead.