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I'm An Alcoholic

El Diablo

By El Diablo
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Clintonaldo

Clintonaldo 2576

Posted
Posted
43 minutes ago, pch said:

Yesterday was a day filled with the entire emotional spectrum. We received our new puppies and the joy they brought us from the first time we saw them filled our hearts.  Watching the brother and sister run around the yard playing put smiles on both of our faces.  To know they will be our responsibility gives us both a sense of responsibility and purpose which being a good pet owner should have.  Both of us have long term sobriety and they will never see us drunk nor want for anything in terms of their care.

About an hour later, my daughter in law in California called and was crying hysterically.  She was able to tell me that my son Clark was gone.  I asked her what she meant, and the replied "He is dead. I can't wake him up, he is cold and not breathing.  I called 911 and they are coming."  Clark has been an addict since a teenager, been in treatment several times, and had never been able to overcome his clinically diagnosed depression.  For the last six months he has been abusing nitrous oxide and slipping deeper and deeper into the abyss.  His wife had to leave the house Friday night because he was off the rails and abusing her emotionally.  When she returned on Saturday, he had died.

This morning through my tears, I chaired the 7am zoom meeting for my group.  I spent the better part of yesterday calling members of my group and telling him my son had died because without help, it is too much for us.  God provided His angels yesterday through the phone and this morning at the meeting.  Though my heart is broken, it shall be mended by the process of living life one day at a time, practicing the principles of recovery, and helping another alcoholic who is seeking a way out from under.  I have learned that rather than drinking or doing other things to change my feelings, I can feel them instead, even when I wish I didn't have to.  Clark is no longer suffering and is free from the bondage that kept him in pain for so long.  The last words we said to each other this past Wednesday were "I love you and can't wait to see you again."  Soon and very soon, this to shall be. One day at a time, very soon.

I really wish I could do something for you. Very sorry to hear the news. 

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JohnnyRage

JohnnyRage 1617

Posted
Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, pch said:

 I have learned that rather than drinking or doing other things to change my feelings, I can feel them instead, even when I wish I didn't have to.

If anyone out there is curious, this is pretty much the gist of it.

How do we do it?

We want to change. We ask for help. We go on a spiritual walk of self-improvement.

Edited by JohnnyRage
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MaybeACoordinator

MaybeACoordinator 8349

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, pch said:

Yesterday was a day filled with the entire emotional spectrum. We received our new puppies and the joy they brought us from the first time we saw them filled our hearts.  Watching the brother and sister run around the yard playing put smiles on both of our faces.  To know they will be our responsibility gives us both a sense of responsibility and purpose which being a good pet owner should have.  Both of us have long term sobriety and they will never see us drunk nor want for anything in terms of their care.

About an hour later, my daughter in law in California called and was crying hysterically.  She was able to tell me that my son Clark was gone.  I asked her what she meant, and the replied "He is dead. I can't wake him up, he is cold and not breathing.  I called 911 and they are coming."  Clark has been an addict since a teenager, been in treatment several times, and had never been able to overcome his clinically diagnosed depression.  For the last six months he has been abusing nitrous oxide and slipping deeper and deeper into the abyss.  His wife had to leave the house Friday night because he was off the rails and abusing her emotionally.  When she returned on Saturday, he had died.

This morning through my tears, I chaired the 7am zoom meeting for my group.  I spent the better part of yesterday calling members of my group and telling him my son had died because without help, it is too much for us.  God provided His angels yesterday through the phone and this morning at the meeting.  Though my heart is broken, it shall be mended by the process of living life one day at a time, practicing the principles of recovery, and helping another alcoholic who is seeking a way out from under.  I have learned that rather than drinking or doing other things to change my feelings, I can feel them instead, even when I wish I didn't have to.  Clark is no longer suffering and is free from the bondage that kept him in pain for so long.  The last words we said to each other this past Wednesday were "I love you and can't wait to see you again."  Soon and very soon, this to shall be. One day at a time, very soon.

Very sorry for your loss, PCH. 

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pch

pch 1261

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, El Diablo said:

No words suffice. I'm terribly sorry to hear about Clark and am praying for your family pc horn.

5 years ago yesterday I took a drink. 5 years ago today I did not. 

Most hearty congratulations for your five years sober. 

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9455

Posted
Posted
7 hours ago, El Diablo said:

No words suffice. I'm terribly sorry to hear about Clark and am praying for your family pc horn.

5 years ago yesterday I took a drink. 5 years ago today I did not. 

I’ve always been especially impressed by, and found some of my own strength in, your sobriety. I am very happy for you. 

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ztejas

ztejas 43533

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, El Diablo said:

No words suffice. I'm terribly sorry to hear about Clark and am praying for your family pc horn.

5 years ago yesterday I took a drink. 5 years ago today I did not. 

That's awesome man. 5 years is a long time. 5 years ago my drinking was still in its infancy. People around you have developed habits and quit and stayed sober for a significant amount of time since you had your last drink. 

Maybe I'll get there someday!

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JohnnyRage

JohnnyRage 1617

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I am reducing the frequency of my therapy visits down to once a month. I’ve always been blessed that my life gets better when I don’t drink; however, I feel I’m starting to envision my life being really good - happy joyous and free, if you will.

Therapy helps me to be accountable about The changes that I need to make in my life. It also helps me keep those life problems out of the rooms, and helps me in the rooms to focus on my problems as they pertain to alcohol and spiritual living.

Sometimes therapy and modern medicine get a bad rap in the program. But the book literally begins with the doctors opinion, the first place the Bill goes to in his story is to the doctor. It’s Dr. Carl Jung that gives Rowland Hazzard The advice to find a spiritual awakening. The book begins with maybe modern medicine will learn more.

Anyways, don’t keep your shit bottled up, In my humble opinion.

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Celery Man

Celery Man 20996

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, SwanderedTalent said:

1,000 days today 

woot woot

let's go buy another guitar!

one bit of recklessness from my drinking days that I don't regret was the serial acquisition of expensive acoustic guitars. particularly since in recovery I have gotten married, which has create additional complexities for purchasing guitars.

My primary reckless sober guitar purchase is my flametop les paul - I do not regret that either. 1000 days? You deserve it. Treat yoself.

 

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SwanderedTalent

SwanderedTalent 5761

Posted
Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Celery Man said:

additional complexities for purchasing guitars.

say no more, friendo, right there with you.... this is an actual statement I made to my wife recently

"So the Fender is tuned down a full step and the Martin is in standard, but that's why I want the Taylor, because I need a guitar to leave in open G rather than having to tune back and forth. The Fender doesn't have onboard electronics anyway, it's just an old plonker I keep for sentimental reasons. Technically I'd like two more, with onboard electronics, one for G and one for open A because I prefer that for slide, and I'll just keep the Fender because some of my songs are written a step down and it's easier to sing them and hey where are you going?"

Edited by SwanderedTalent
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El Diablo

El Diablo 4232

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, SwanderedTalent said:

say no more, friendo, right there with you.... this is an actual statement I made to my wife recently

"So the Fender is tuned down a full step and the Martin is in standard, but that's why I want the Taylor, because I need a guitar to leave in open G rather than having to tune back and forth. The Fender doesn't have onboard electronics anyway, it's just an old plonker I keep for sentimental reasons. Technically I'd like two more, with onboard electronics, one for G and one for open A because I prefer that for slide, and I'll just keep the Fender because some of my songs are written a step down and it's easier to sing them and hey where are you going?"

This is a fragment of a conversation I hear between my brothers anytime they're together. Only they don't ask me where I'm going 'cause they're too deep off into it to notice I'm leaving. ;) 

Edited by El Diablo
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hullabelew

hullabelew 3724

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Posted

The one that amazes me are the folks to turn to Ultra Running.  I mean 30 plus mile runs through the fucking mountains.  My favorite meeting is at 9am, Sunday mornings on the Chattahoochee River.  These fuckers will show up after running 5 miles before the meeting as a light day after running 20 plus miles on Saturday.  One of these dudes ran a 100 mile race in Colorado.  https://www.highlonesome100.com/  

 

 

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pch

pch 1261

Posted
Posted
19 hours ago, hullabelew said:

The one that amazes me are the folks to turn to Ultra Running.  I mean 30 plus mile runs through the fucking mountains.  My favorite meeting is at 9am, Sunday mornings on the Chattahoochee River.  These fuckers will show up after running 5 miles before the meeting as a light day after running 20 plus miles on Saturday.  One of these dudes ran a 100 mile race in Colorado.  https://www.highlonesome100.com/  

 

 

Glad they are running to the solution instead of away from their problems, my former solution.  Not that I ran anywhere prior to getting to AA unless you call driving like a bat out of hell to get to the package store on Saturday night at 8:55pm to be sure I had enough booze to make it through Sunday.

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Shoxthemonkey

Shoxthemonkey 1983

Posted
Posted

I'm back. One of the owners of the place I work is going into rehab in Wimberly next week. Not sure how they landed on that facility other than his son lives in the Bee Cave area. It's a long way from home and his wife...

I plan to go back and read this entire thread over the next few days but would y'all give me the Cliffnotes on being helpful and supportive through this. Any thoughts on the facility? Good choice? I'm at the point that it doesn't matter as long as he sees and admits the need to seek help and not listen to those that want to maintain the perfect veneer. That hasn't worked.

Thanks in advance.

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Celery Man

Celery Man 20996

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Good not bad if where he is has a little bit of distance from home.

My couple of cents on being supportive when he gets back - I wanted to feel missed and needed but not resented or behind or replaced. I stressed a lot about how I would be received back at work. Probably being an owner is a bit different, but maybe not all that much. I'd be warm, convey that he has been missed and people are glad he's back but everything is OK and whenever he's ready you can bring him up to speed (as appropriate, etc).

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hullabelew

hullabelew 3724

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When I came back, the thing that helped me the most were when friends said, "I'm happy for you.  Great to have you back."  That is more than enough.  He will be able to tell when people truly care. 

A couple of really close friends asked more questions and that actually meant a lot to me.  I showed they truly cared.  What really surprised me was when coworkers would call and ask questions about friends or relatives...asking how to the help them.  One coworker who lives in DC area called me.  He had heard that I went to treatment.  I initially thought he was calling to check on me but he was calling asking for help for himself.  Another coworker set up a meeting to talk to one of his kids about my path. 

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SwanderedTalent

SwanderedTalent 5761

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On 2/10/2021 at 9:46 AM, Shoxthemonkey said:

I'm back. One of the owners of the place I work is going into rehab in Wimberly next week. Not sure how they landed on that facility other than his son lives in the Bee Cave area. It's a long way from home and his wife...

I plan to go back and read this entire thread over the next few days but would y'all give me the Cliffnotes on being helpful and supportive through this. Any thoughts on the facility? Good choice? I'm at the point that it doesn't matter as long as he sees and admits the need to seek help and not listen to those that want to maintain the perfect veneer. That hasn't worked.

Thanks in advance.

 

On 2/11/2021 at 6:23 AM, hullabelew said:

When I came back, the thing that helped me the most were when friends said, "I'm happy for you.  Great to have you back."  That is more than enough.  He will be able to tell when people truly care. 

A couple of really close friends asked more questions and that actually meant a lot to me.  I showed they truly cared.  What really surprised me was when coworkers would call and ask questions about friends or relatives...asking how to the help them.  One coworker who lives in DC area called me.  He had heard that I went to treatment.  I initially thought he was calling to check on me but he was calling asking for help for himself.  Another coworker set up a meeting to talk to one of his kids about my path. 

Perfectly stated. To that, you can add "if I can do anything to help, let me know" in a casual kind of way. Like don't grip his hand tightly and stare penetratingly into his eyes, willing him to be sober and thinking sober thoughts to vibe him, while adding "seriously... seriously... ANYTHING I CAN DO". That would be too much. Keep it light.

On the other hand, from personal experience, it's weird when you return and no one acts like they noticed you were gone, but then, the job I had when I went to rehab was paper-pushing busywork anyway. 

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ztejas

ztejas 43533

Posted
Posted
On 2/10/2021 at 9:46 AM, Shoxthemonkey said:

I'm back. One of the owners of the place I work is going into rehab in Wimberly next week. Not sure how they landed on that facility other than his son lives in the Bee Cave area. It's a long way from home and his wife...

I plan to go back and read this entire thread over the next few days but would y'all give me the Cliffnotes on being helpful and supportive through this. Any thoughts on the facility? Good choice? I'm at the point that it doesn't matter as long as he sees and admits the need to seek help and not listen to those that want to maintain the perfect veneer. That hasn't worked.

Thanks in advance.

If it's Right Step in Wimberley then it's a good place. I went to the one in Euless but I think the one in Wimberley is a bit better regarded.

Ultimately rehab is rehab. Unless you go to a great one vs. a shitty one it should be more about his commitment and work to stay clean rather than his surroundings I would think. 

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Shoxthemonkey

Shoxthemonkey 1983

Posted
Posted

Thanks for the replies, guys. A little info I didn't share earlier, we were friends before I went to work there. I have known the family and all of his siblings (co-owners as well) since we were all highschoolers. It makes this all a little more personal than a typical boss/worker relationship. I doubt that it changes the dynamic much but what do I know.

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Shoxthemonkey

Shoxthemonkey 1983

Posted
Posted
12 minutes ago, ztejas said:

If it's Right Step in Wimberley then it's a good place. I went to the one in Euless but I think the one in Wimberley is a bit better regarded.

Ultimately rehab is rehab. Unless you go to a great one vs. a shitty one it should be more about his commitment and work to stay clean rather than his surroundings I would think. 

That's it. Thanks.

Interesting sidenote. Way back at the beginning of my time on Shaggy/Surly, you were one of the few posters that I put on ignore. Because of this thread and you being quoted where I could see them, I took you from the list. For what it's worth, I appreciate your response.

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ztejas

ztejas 43533

Posted
Posted
9 minutes ago, Shoxthemonkey said:

That's it. Thanks.

Interesting sidenote. Way back at the beginning of my time on Shaggy/Surly, you were one of the few posters that I put on ignore. Because of this thread and you being quoted where I could see them, I took you from the list. For what it's worth, I appreciate your response.

My sober posting > my drunk/drug fueled posting 

And I took some whippings upon entry here. This site has an interesting learning curve to say the least. 

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TwiceHorn

TwiceHorn 31534

Posted
Posted
10 minutes ago, Shoxthemonkey said:

That's it. Thanks.

Interesting sidenote. Way back at the beginning of my time on Shaggy/Surly, you were one of the few posters that I put on ignore. Because of this thread and you being quoted where I could see them, I took you from the list. For what it's worth, I appreciate your response.

Haha.  I think ztejas is fairly representative of alkies.  Smart, good person, a bit salty when on the juice.  The good starts really coming out in sobriety.

Some of us remain giant, flaming assholes, though.  Some folks are sicker than others.

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