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I'm An Alcoholic

El Diablo

By El Diablo
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BearSchlong
BearSchlong

My dad died tonight. Had a massive heart attack while on the way home from Church's Chicken. Single car accident, he flipped the SUV. I was on the way to his house and saw the ambulance driving to th

Celery Man
Celery Man

Welp, yesterday was 1,250 days sober for me.  Today is 1,251.  I don't talk about it much because it's a bit of a cliche and generally frowned upon (relationships in early sobriety), but I fell in lov

BBQ2Bayou
BBQ2Bayou

So I moved over to Baton Rouge from the Austin area over 4 years ago for a job. The job didn't turn out and I don't like the city at all. I've stayed basically because I'm an alcoholic. I'm single wit

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Clintonaldo

Clintonaldo 2572

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5 hours ago, pch said:

First Father's day since my son died in January.  I cried a little bit this morning on the 7am zoom meeting recalling how fond I was to receive a call from him wishing me a happy day and telling me how much he loved me.  I will always remember those phone calls but more than that, I went to a 9am in person meeting and spent some time with a man who got 60 days today and then chaired the 11 am speaker meeting for a friend who played at UT in the 80's for Fred.  My extended AA family is always here for me on days like this and no one knows how to help an alcoholic like another alcoholic.  My story expands with each day like this when I do what is suggested in the program instead of isolating-a character defect that I am grateful to have had removed by doing my part.  Happy Father's day to each of you here-hug your kids and thank God they are in your life.

Fuck I am sorry. Your post hit me for 2 reasons. The first is this is my first Father’s Day as a father. The second is I remember my first birthday when my dad didn’t call me. He was addicted to pills and attempted suicide and that first birthday after was a tough one. He would bug me nonstop before but damn there I was hoping for a phone call I knew wouldn’t come. I am again sorry and thank you for sharing. 

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Reagan1k

Reagan1k 3024

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Glad to see the bump.  Had a good laugh last night.

Came home and there was a bottle on the counter.  Not unusual as my wife is a normie who enjoys Prosecco and cocktails.  I looked at it and it said Zero Proof  Ritual Tequila Alternative.

When she walked by I asked "What in the hell is this?" 

She went on and on about how she'd been craving Mexican Mules and Ranch Water since it was hot, but didn't want the calories so she bought this "alternative".    Said it was great, probably wouldn't buy real tequila going forward, bla, bla, bla, bla.

Want to know how I KNOW I'm an alcoholic and she's not???????? 

Dumbest shit I've ever heard of......makes perfect sense to her.

 

 

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pch

pch 1259

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1 hour ago, Reagan1k said:

Glad to see the bump.  Had a good laugh last night.

Came home and there was a bottle on the counter.  Not unusual as my wife is a normie who enjoys Prosecco and cocktails.  I looked at it and it said Zero Proof  Ritual Tequila Alternative.

When she walked by I asked "What in the hell is this?" 

She went on and on about how she'd been craving Mexican Mules and Ranch Water since it was hot, but didn't want the calories so she bought this "alternative".    Said it was great, probably wouldn't buy real tequila going forward, bla, bla, bla, bla.

Want to know how I KNOW I'm an alcoholic and she's not???????? 

Dumbest shit I've ever heard of......makes perfect sense to her.

 

 

Yeah, like I just drank liquor/tequila because I enjoyed the taste.🤪 Near beer and this scenario remind me that for most normal folks drinking alcohol or non-alcohol is an option.  I'm closer to normal today than ever before leaving this option to those who have already arrived.

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BBQ2Bayou

BBQ2Bayou 807

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I've got 3 years now and just started my first relationship since I stopped drinking. I haven't dated in 10 years for whatever reason. Didn't need anything else with the drink. Didn't know how to let anyone in. Didn't like myself or care. Who knows. But it came on pretty hard and fast with this girl. It scares me, it scares her, but it's been great. She knows everything. She's not an addict, but she's not clueless to the nature of it, either. 

I'm trying to approach it cautiously, but shit I like this girl.  

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 8083

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pfffft, Alcoholics don't do anything cautiously, especially with relationships.  Congratulations and just enjoy the ride.

Stopped by intergroup today to buy one of my pigeons a 1 year chip, going to give it to him at our meeting on Monday.

I've mentioned that my latest read (listen) is that "Writing the big book" volume, and I'm finished.  It's objectively critical of Bill Wilson and everyone involved in the creation of AA and the writing of the book.  It stripped out all the mythology, exposed Bill and Hank's character defects, and placed those early years in a cultural context that I never considered.

But - my appreciation of the book and belief in AA is immeasurably increased.

The combined endeavors of those early AAs and friendly laypeople to stay sober, help drunks, spread the message, keep things going, write, edit, and publish the book was really something.

Think I'll sign off and go to a meeting now.  God bless y'all.

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JulesVerne

JulesVerne 32

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Long time lurker here, also long time sobriety. Recently been struggling with some things. I don't think sobriety or having a drink is one. Yet.

I need to get to a meeting. I need to help someone. I need to focus on being of service. This thread is always a source of encouragement and hope. Thank you for letting me share.

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DalTxHornFan

DalTxHornFan 3097

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I just wanted to add that I really appreciate this thread.  I drink more than the average bear, but I'm generally good with my standard cocktail hour regime.  Lots of wisdom on here and I am glad to have the benefit of all of y'all's life experience if I should ever get off the rails.

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Celery Man

Celery Man 20931

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First work conference event at "new" job which I started in October. Of course we had the big party, and we're a big vendor in the industry so lots of... shellfish and booze and customers getting rowdy. I was drinking club soda + twist of lime all night long. Good time, no problem. Just kinda smiling and nodding at all of the same old work event hangover jokes at 7:30 AM breakfast.

That kind of thing would have been difficult in early sobriety, of course. But no big deal now, and while I chose to just kinda blend in there were a few folks nursing sodas, with no hard times had.

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MaybeACoordinator

MaybeACoordinator 8349

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Anybody else into Big Swig? 

Shit is the bomb, but can be a little hard to find outside of Austin.

Just as fiery as Topo and with really cool flavors like chili mango, jalapeno pineapple and prickly pear cucumber. I've tried those three and all of them were better than I expected. Key Lime and ruby red grapefruit are also solid. 

I've never seen the watermelon mint or the party pickle. 

 

BigSwing_12oz_Prickly-Pear-Copy_9d774b89

 

 

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BBQ2Bayou

BBQ2Bayou 807

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16 minutes ago, JohnnyRage said:

I had a Virgil's Root Beer and a Reed's Ginger Ale with my son after a long hard day at 6 Flags.

@BBQ2Bayou your place is much nicer than I pictured. Good for you!

Were you picturing me as a pond over a pool type of guy?  It's my girlfriend's anyway, so you might still be right. 

 

  

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MaybeACoordinator

MaybeACoordinator 8349

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3 hours ago, lmao said:

Off the wag. If someone wants to PM a group in SoCal I'll do it.

Don't beat yourself up over it, but yeah, knock it off...

I tried to narrow it down but SoCal is so big they just go straight from LA or Orange Co to the state site...there is no SoCal site. I've heard really good things about meetings in LA proper.

https://alcoholicsanonymous.com/aa-meetings/california/

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JohnnyRage

JohnnyRage 1617

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10 hours ago, lmao said:

Off the wag. If someone wants to PM a group in SoCal I'll do it.

https://lacoaa.org/

https://aasandiego.org/

I just typed in the name of the city and 'Intergroup', and these popped up. Just call one of the numbers and ask if their is anyone that can take you to a meeting or would be willing to meet you at a meeting, or at the very least recommend a meeting.

There is also a more general hotline that you can call if you need to talk or need advice.

Stop the pain.

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J.R.

J.R. 150

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Looking for sober living recs for little bro in Collin or Denton county. Doesn’t need to be that nice probably better if it isn’t. He is 40 so doesn’t necessarily need to be in old fogies home but a good age mix would be ideal. 

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DallasHorn26

DallasHorn26 586

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12 hours ago, J.R. said:

Looking for sober living recs for little bro in Collin or Denton county. Doesn’t need to be that nice probably better if it isn’t. He is 40 so doesn’t necessarily need to be in old fogies home but a good age mix would be ideal. 

I would look at Real Deal Sober living first if he's looking for nicer. They have houses in Plano and Richardson that start at $800 I believe. I stayed at the Richardson one last year and it held me accountable, required meetings, etc. There are lots of Oxford houses in the area too, but you have to be careful with them as some can just be flop houses. If he's looking for cheaper, the Freeman House could be an option. It has a good age mix, but can be a little rough as it's mainly guys fresh off the streets or out of jail. Some guys from home group take a meeting there every week.

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J.R.

J.R. 150

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5 hours ago, DallasHorn26 said:

I would look at Real Deal Sober living first if he's looking for nicer. They have houses in Plano and Richardson that start at $800 I believe. I stayed at the Richardson one last year and it held me accountable, required meetings, etc. There are lots of Oxford houses in the area too, but you have to be careful with them as some can just be flop houses. If he's looking for cheaper, the Freeman House could be an option. It has a good age mix, but can be a little rough as it's mainly guys fresh off the streets or out of jail. Some guys from home group take a meeting there every week.

appreciate it

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Abogado Peligroso

Abogado Peligroso 89

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On 6/10/2021 at 6:23 PM, BearSchlong said:

Happy Birthday. Would love to hear more of your story.

Sorry to post and run.  Until July of last year, I couldn’t have pictured myself going a day without drinking.   By my 40s, I was drinking 2 bottles of wine a day at least.  My anxiety was off the charts but stopping wasn’t even a possibility.   One Sunday last July I had gotten pretty drunk and slipped when I was going upstairs to feed the cat before bed. I bumped my head on the stairs and cut my forehead pretty badly. My wife (a normie) had gone to bed a couple of hours before, and was already pretty mad at me for drinking so much that evening.   When she woke up the next morning to find me covered in blood she told me (not the first time) that I needed to make changes or she was through.  At that time, I decided to take a year break from drinking.  It was going very well but was never a permanent thing in my mind.  I made it 4 months but started drinking again on election night.   By December I was drinking every day again.  There wasn’t really an epiphany for me.  I just realized I was powerless to alcohol and needed to stop forever and that I couldn’t do it on my own.  I am not a religious person,   But with the help of a great therapist, I have made some amazing changes.  I just finished a 2 week vacation in Hawaii that would have typically been a boozy mess.  Instead it was my first sober vacation. Sunsets have never been prettier 

98C113DA-1E77-4774-9414-BB295DF11863.jpeg

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Abogado Peligroso

Abogado Peligroso 89

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I should add, I am very much aware that this is, at least in my case for the time being, a minute by minute battle.  I certainly was tempted to blow it off and drink while relaxing at a beautiful resort in paradise.  Vacation resorts cater to the drinker, and it certainly is everywhere.  I have a few mental and physical guardrails that work very well for me.  My therapist tells me I am good at “playing the tape forward”.  If I am tempted to grab a drink or 10 after work or while at the beach (or wherever I am), I will play the tape forward.  I recognize that I might feel temporarily good from drinking, but I can visualize all the bad that comes with it very specifically in order to get past it.  I consider my sobriety a gift to myself and I don’t want to go back and that outweighs any short term relief that comes with alcohol.  As for physical guardrails, I lift weights for an hour every morning at 7:00 and run 4 miles at a 7 minute per mile clip during “happy hour” every evening.  
 

As I sit on the plane heading back from the Big Island, I just can’t believe I am 6 months sober and just did 2 weeks of vacation without booze.  Well done Abogado Peligroso!

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Celery Man

Celery Man 20931

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Hell yeah Abogado.

 

My dad and his wife are up visiting us in North Carolina to see the baby. Couple of funny "oh yeah, things are different" moments - they brought a bottle of wine (dad drinks enough that he might seem like an alcoholic, but without the consequences and at this age I guess that just makes him a heavy drinker) to drink with dinner. Nowhere in the house does a corkscrew exist. He eventually found one in his luggage, they used champagne flutes from our wedding. Also he mentioned that North Carolina must be one of those weird states where the state runs all of the liquor stores - I said "I don't think so, there's a place right down the street across from the Harris Teeter". I went to check a bit later (knowing that they probably wanted to get a bottle of something before returning to the hotel) and... sure a fucking nough, the place I'm thinking of is a beer and wine store. Closest liquor store is like "ABC Store #14 of Wake County" or whatever. I've lived here since November. Gone from staggering my visits between Specs, Twin Liquor, and the weird mom and pop shop so that nobody will know I'm an alcoholic to just having no clue at all that there are arcane blue laws where I've lived for the better part of a year.

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MaybeACoordinator

MaybeACoordinator 8349

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On 7/31/2021 at 9:26 AM, Celery Man said:

Hell yeah Abogado.

 

My dad and his wife are up visiting us in North Carolina to see the baby. Couple of funny "oh yeah, things are different" moments - they brought a bottle of wine (dad drinks enough that he might seem like an alcoholic, but without the consequences and at this age I guess that just makes him a heavy drinker) to drink with dinner. Nowhere in the house does a corkscrew exist. He eventually found one in his luggage, they used champagne flutes from our wedding. Also he mentioned that North Carolina must be one of those weird states where the state runs all of the liquor stores - I said "I don't think so, there's a place right down the street across from the Harris Teeter". I went to check a bit later (knowing that they probably wanted to get a bottle of something before returning to the hotel) and... sure a fucking nough, the place I'm thinking of is a beer and wine store. Closest liquor store is like "ABC Store #14 of Wake County" or whatever. I've lived here since November. Gone from staggering my visits between Specs, Twin Liquor, and the weird mom and pop shop so that nobody will know I'm an alcoholic to just having no clue at all that there are arcane blue laws where I've lived for the better part of a year.

There would have been a time that would have been a factor in your move. Not make or break, but you would have looked up those laws way too early in the moving process...

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El Diablo

El Diablo 4232

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On 7/31/2021 at 9:26 AM, Celery Man said:

Hell yeah Abogado.

 

My dad and his wife are up visiting us in North Carolina to see the baby. Couple of funny "oh yeah, things are different" moments - they brought a bottle of wine (dad drinks enough that he might seem like an alcoholic, but without the consequences and at this age I guess that just makes him a heavy drinker) to drink with dinner. Nowhere in the house does a corkscrew exist. He eventually found one in his luggage, they used champagne flutes from our wedding. Also he mentioned that North Carolina must be one of those weird states where the state runs all of the liquor stores - I said "I don't think so, there's a place right down the street across from the Harris Teeter". I went to check a bit later (knowing that they probably wanted to get a bottle of something before returning to the hotel) and... sure a fucking nough, the place I'm thinking of is a beer and wine store. Closest liquor store is like "ABC Store #14 of Wake County" or whatever. I've lived here since November. Gone from staggering my visits between Specs, Twin Liquor, and the weird mom and pop shop so that nobody will know I'm an alcoholic to just having no clue at all that there are arcane blue laws where I've lived for the better part of a year.

I spent 5 years in NC as an active alkie. Yeah, "state" stores. Had to drive near out of the county to the only one within prolly 50 miles. We was wayy out in the sticks. It was easier to find white likker made in someone's garage. 

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MaybeACoordinator

MaybeACoordinator 8349

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3 hours ago, El Diablo said:

I spent 5 years in NC as an active alkie. Yeah, "state" stores. Had to drive near out of the county to the only one within prolly 50 miles. We was wayy out in the sticks. It was easier to find white likker made in someone's garage. 

The moonshiners and the Babtis' are in cahoots to keep it that way, lol

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JohnnyRage

JohnnyRage 1617

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Many of us believe that it is a progressive spectrum. If you have reasons to take a nice long break from alcohol, you should probably try that. If you can quit for some time like 3 to 6 months with a little trouble while not freaking out (white knuckling it), that’s a real good sign.

But if you can’t stop or won’t stay stopped in spite of some serious life and health consequences, well then you may be like us.

 

Being an alcoholic is the healthiest thing that has ever happened to me. 

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DallasHorn26

DallasHorn26 586

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I've been feeling a little anxiety and fear the past few days that I've had trouble shaking. Went to the home group last night and the reading was page 86. Made me realize how much I've slacked with my morning medication practices recently and that's probably what is driving those feelings. 

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Bash Riprock

Bash Riprock 1695

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I relapsed hard on Wednesday.

I work at a software company and since covid hit of course we all went home. I live alone and it was hard for me mentally to work, eat and sleep in the same place. It causes isolation. And it drives me crazy. But somehow I stayed sober.

In March '21 you were allowed to go back in the office. I was so happy! What surprised me was that on some days I would be the only one on my floor. People just prefer home.

One of our new guys went to Florida two weeks ago. He got strep while he was there and I ended up with it as well. Also this same guy was tested on a Sunday for Covid. So without knowing the results he still comes in on Monday. He gets a call at 1030am. Its his doc telling him he has rona. We go home.

Wednesday I picked up. And this has been the hardest most grossest relapse ever. Like crawling on the floor. Vomit. Piss. Screaming for help. I finally started to taper. I told my employer my strep came back. The director of HR knows I relapsed. She is one of the best human beings ever met. The ONLY person who I can talk to. Paid for treatment twice for me in the last 7 years.

I couldn't stand my house anymore. I'm in a hotel tonight. Just showered and ate. I'm drinking the 99 shooters every like 6 hours. But I haven't had 1 in 9 hours. I'm nearly done shaking. I'm going to work tomorrow but it has to be from home.

Fuck, that was a long post. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I'm 40, and that one was the worst. I know I could have died easily.

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