I'm An Alcoholic

[BearSchlong 8116]

Friday, at a rehearsal dinner that I paid for, I stood for a family portrait which I planned to have prepared into a portrait to hang in my home.  Today, my psycho ex-wife - who had made the arrangements with the photographer whose bill I understood I was halving, deleted the photo file on purpose.

At some point in the conversation, she said "why don't you just go get drunk, asshole"

uh, nope. I've got a tool for that.

From the BB. . .

Quote

 

It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.

Well dammit, I guess I can't have her killed, even though I've thought about it a lot today.

Glad to be sober and safe, even though I can't claim perfect sanity right now.

I really don't like how this feels.

About to have a good long talk with a fellow alcoholic and I'm already anticipating the relief.

Edited October 14, 2021 by BearSchlong

[BearSchlong 8116]

Predictably, sponsor told me though I was wronged, I'm acting childish and codependent.

Yeah, pretty much. I think I'm going to be ok.  Feels good to talk about it.

 

[pch 1261]

1 minute ago, BearSchlong said:

Predictably, sponsor told me though I was wronged, I'm acting childish and codependent.

Yeah, pretty much. I think I'm going to be ok.  Feels good to talk about it.

 

What I'd give if just ONCE, ONCE I tell you, it was ok to have controlled anger.  But dammit, it just ain't gonna happen when I get told to go to page 552 and get back to him after.

[El Diablo 4232]

@BearSchlong I don't know what exactly SHE deleted but rest assured the photographer has his original files. Probably backed up on multiple hard drives. 

[BearSchlong 8116]

[mention=398]BearSchlong[/mention] I don't know what exactly SHE deleted but rest assured the photographer has his original files. Probably backed up on multiple hard drives. 

Yeah my ex contracted for the photographer, ex and I had a verbal contract that we were splitting the costs of the services which in my mind implicitly gave me rights to all photos.

I could probably sue my ex but its not worth the effort and expense - for that money, I'd just fly us and my daughter to NC and get my own photographer and recreate it.

I still have family wedding photos which my son's FIL has assured me are owned by him and I will have perpetual access and use. He's a good dude and I'm just chuffed to have him and his clan joined to ours now. (*Chuffed. My Irish boss tells me it means "pleased")

The important part for the alcoholic thread is that I didn't drink or commit murder, because I gotta tell yall, I was PISSED.

Good talk with my surrogate sponsor last night and he laid out the truth and I took great solace that he can see things about me that I cant.

Just had my weekly lunch with all the old timers at Luby's, and a few sponsees. . .and I'm blessed with a great fellowship.

I've run through so many fantasies in the last few days, from a straight up drive by shooting to plastering all the billboards in her area with my family photos and mean messages.

I can see my sponsor now, shaking his head. "You are acting like a toddler, grow up and act like you're in recovery"

Which brings up the other thing - my actual permanent sponsor is sick and can't talk, serious health problems - its important to have backups to call. At some point I'm going to have to call another guy "sponsor." It might logically be my current grandsponsor.

[Reagan1k 3024]

Ugggghhhhh - Facing that weird spot where you know the truth about alcoholism and our lack of power, but your heart screams that you have to "fix" something.

Made a 12-step call on an old friend who just got out of the hospital.  He identified with 100% of what I told him about me and my drinking.

Said he's been battling it for a few years and finally quit for a month and felt great.  Once he knew it was "out of his system and he'd dried out", he picked up and then it was off to the races for 45 days - ending up in ICU.

Agrees he's an alcoholic like me,........ BUT......... the hospital experience will never leave his mind again - he's been scared straight and doesn't need any outside help.  He's got it under control.  He's proven to himself that he can stop and now that he knows he can't drink moderately, he never wants to pick up again.

Well then, remind me why you picked up in the first place after a month of great sobriety???  No answer to that one.  He just can't connect those last two dots.

Doesn't need a book or a meeting.  He'll be fine with the memory of almost dying etched into his brain to keep him sober.

I had to wish him well, tell him I honestly pray it works for him, but made him promise that when his skin starts crawling and his brain itches, he'll call me before the 1st drink.

Powerless - fuck!!!  Keep having to remind myself that if I'm powerless over it in my own life, that I'm sure-as-shit powerless over alcohol in his life.

My sponsor told me that I had planted a seed and that I need to pray that he calls someone - doesn't have to be me - when that time comes.

 

[pch 1261]

6 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

 

My sponsor told me that I had planted a seed and that I need to pray that he calls someone - doesn't have to be me - when that time comes.

 

Words of wisdom.  The results are up to the one who has all power and your friend who perhaps will grab the rope you threw him and save himself instead of using it to hang himself by getting drunk again.  Prayers for both of you.

[BearSchlong 8116]

@reagan1k if only that guy could see the fellowship. . .thats what crushes me, the thought that I might have missed out on all this abundant love.

The thought of trying not to drink is excruciating.

[Celery Man 21003]

alcoholism be like

hopefully when he's ready for step 1 he'll still be able to take it

 

I remember looking up AA meetings WAY before I ever got sober. When I was in college I lived in a house off S. Lamar that was a 5 minute walk from Artz Rib House, where they seemingly had AA meetings (cluster of fat old dudes smoking cigarettes in the parking lot at certain times of day, I'm certain that i looked it up and confirmed) but it always scared the shit out of me and I never went. Certainly part of that fear was that it would mean letting my admission of the problem escape my mind and enter the world, but a healthy part of it was because I thought it would be weird/difficult/I wouldn't be able to back out once I went in, stuff like that.

FOR YOU LURKER ALKIE BROS - it takes exactly 1 hour, you can sit in the back and say "I'm just here to listen" if anyone tries to get you to talk, and walk away never to return 60 minutes after the meeting starts. If you bump into someone you know they might offer to help but aren't otherwise going to say shit. If you meet someone out in the world who saw you at the meeting, they again might give you a nod or something but it's anonymous and people do a good job of respecting that. They're not going to say shit. If you have the problem and that's the hump you can't force yourself over, right now I'm offering you possibly years and years of FREE your life back - just go check it out and listen.

 

Also can we give bearschlong's wedding party shit for the $1k in booze at rehearsal? SEEMS LOW  

[BearSchlong 8116]

Ha! The kids these days are amateurs.

[El Diablo 4232]

8 hours ago, Celery Man said:

Also can we give bearschlong's wedding party shit for the $1k in booze at rehearsal? SEEMS LOW  

To be fair, it was just a rehearsal. We talkin' practice. 

[DCA_HORN 725]

Found out over the weekend that a friend of a friend, a fellow Horn, drank himself to death. Multiple organ failure. Leaves behind a kid and wife. I knew he was struggling but didn't know the extent of it. First person I've known to do this. Sad deal, I hope he is at peace now. 

[Kennythetiger 9479]

Sorry for your loss, man. 

[BearSchlong 8116]

Cunning, baffling, powerful.

[Bash Riprock 1695]

Found out over the weekend that a friend of a friend, a fellow Horn, drank himself to death. Multiple organ failure. Leaves behind a kid and wife. I knew he was struggling but didn't know the extent of it. First person I've known to do this. Sad deal, I hope he is at peace now. 

RIP

[Bash Riprock 1695]

I am going month to month in Sober Living. I think I am going to stay till Feb. Best I've ever been. Love you guys.

[ztejas 43546]

Long time lurker, poster and ignorer checking in. 

Life is okay for me right now. I'm struggling with trying to jump back in to complete sobriety and trying to maintain functionality with a "moderate" drinking habit (as far as we're concerned). 

What have y'all done to maybe get you back over the hump before another consequence strikes or you hit a sort of bottom? I'm at this weird crossroads where I'd love to be like 6 months clean but I don't really want to struggle to get through that first month or two again because a day on a few days off feels less painful right now. And when I say a day on it's like 8-10 drinks. I'm enjoying the occasional reprieve and detachment from reality but it's a bitch to deal with the next day or two with my mental health and ultimately I'd love to be down the road a ways on the right side of things. 

No wrong answers. 

And lately like zero auxiliary drug use. About a month clean off of xanax I think and haven't touched coke in a long time. Nor weed. 

Edited October 19, 2021 by ztejas

[Kennythetiger 9479]

What do you mean by “over the hump”?  

[Reagan1k 3024]

7 hours ago, ztejas said:

trying to maintain functionality with a "moderate" drinking habit (as far as we're concerned). 

My experience / my truth is that this is a myth for me.  Once the line was crossed, I no longer had the ability to be a content, moderate drinker. 

Sure,  I could moderate at times, but it wasn't fun and it was a struggle.  Controlled drinking ceased to give me any pleasure or relief.  It also served to compress the spring more so that when I did drink without thought of moderation, I was making up for lost time and lost drinks, offsetting any "gains" I rationalized had been made.

Also, the definition of functionality became blurred and what I convinced myself was me being functional only looked that way to me through my diseased lens.  As it was said, I could no longer distinguish the true from the false.

Your truth could be different, but the pattern of my life and my drinking showed my truth to be that alcoholism always progresses over any considerable amount of time.  Brief periods of abstinence or moderation are always followed by worse drinking. 

I've sometimes thought of it like a dead-cat bounce on the stock chart of a company headed to bankruptcy.  The trendline is going down, and while there may be a few positive bounces back up along the way, which provide some false hope that this time is different, the next selloff is even worse.  The destination is predetermined - 

Quote

What have y'all done to maybe get you back over the hump before another consequence strikes or you hit a sort of bottom?

 Complete and total surrender.  Admitting to my innermost self that I can never again control and enjoy my drinking.  It's just not up for debate.  Left with that void; being stripped of what had been my "solution", I had to find an alternative way to live.

[BearSchlong 8116]

11 hours ago, ztejas said:

but I don't really want to struggle to get through that first month or two again because a day on a few days off feels less painful right now. 

I get it. It's excruciating - for me, it was ripping off the bandaid, breaking the vacuum seal, and letting AA fill the void. 3 meetings a day. Waking up terrified, thinking if I made it to noon I could go to a safe place.  Then evening meetings.  Repeat for a few weeks and/or months and find my place in the recovery community.

The truth about me is that If I'm isolating, hiding, running, and staying away from people in recovery then it's such a miserable place.  I have to walk into a meeting where I know - and LOVE - lots of people - and I know they LOVE me. That's my recovery. I'm either going to fill that damned hole with booze, or love and fellowship.

Quote

I'm enjoying the occasional reprieve and detachment from reality but it's a bitch to deal with the next day or two with my mental health and ultimately I'd love to be down the road a ways on the right side of things. 

When I'm alone and isolated I go crazy.

The only solution that I have found is to seek out people like me who understand.

My decision tree is simple.

1) drink and try to blot out the reality of my intolerable situation.

2) Put a gun to my head and check out.

3) Find a way to live sober and happy with a higher power that does for me what I can't do for myself. Lots of times that higher power is simply the fellowship of AA, and the one on one time I spend working with a sponsor, and sponsees.

So far I cling to option 3 with the desperation of a drowning man.

God bless you buddy, let's talk.  Happy to do whatever I can to help.

[Kennythetiger 9479]

13 hours ago, ztejas said:

Long time lurker, poster and ignorer checking in. 

Life is okay for me right now. I'm struggling with trying to jump back in to complete sobriety and trying to maintain functionality with a "moderate" drinking habit (as far as we're concerned). 

What have y'all done to maybe get you back over the hump before another consequence strikes or you hit a sort of bottom? I'm at this weird crossroads where I'd love to be like 6 months clean but I don't really want to struggle to get through that first month or two again because a day on a few days off feels less painful right now. And when I say a day on it's like 8-10 drinks. I'm enjoying the occasional reprieve and detachment from reality but it's a bitch to deal with the next day or two with my mental health and ultimately I'd love to be down the road a ways on the right side of things. 

No wrong answers. 

And lately like zero auxiliary drug use. About a month clean off of xanax I think and haven't touched coke in a long time. Nor weed. 

I've been thinking about you all morning while I fed cattle after I read your first post.  Fuck it, I didn't want to work in the office this afternoon anyway.

I think I understand what you're asking.  A day on, a few days off was how I drank too, except mine was more than a few days off.  In the several months before I walked into an AA meeting, I was only drinking one day/night every three or four weeks.  Hell, when I walked into that meeting I hadn't had a drink in three weeks.  

But.... we deal with alcohol- cunning, baffling, powerful.  Even though I was only drinking once a month, I wanted complete control over the opportunity to drink.  On any given night, there was only a 5% chance that I was going to drink.  Pretty fucking low for a drunk, you might say.  However, I wanted there to be a 100% chance that if I wanted to drink, no thing and no one was going to interfere with me.  No family, no loved ones, no job, no thing and no one.  Just me and my pendleton on the rocks, if I so chose.  And if I chose not to, then I patted myself on the back for being "responsible".  

This, to me, was a completely acceptable fix.  Hell, it beat where I was several years ago when I could tie on a four-day bender with my eyes closed and still get shit done on those other three days of the week.  Did I mention that I wanted complete control of the opportunity to drink?  I pushed away my family, I was doing very well financially but had absolutely no pride in my work, and my girlfriend of nine years walked into my office and told me she had been seeing another guy.  Three weeks dry, realizing that I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, I parked my recognizable vehicle on the main street of our small down and became "one of those drunks".  Life-saving event for me.  

If you can maintain your day on, several days off routine, power to you.  I could not.  "How It Works"- the preamble to our meetings.  Yada, yada, yada, some shit about "easier, softer ways", yada yada, yada, some more shit about "old ideas", and then, bam- half measures availed us nothing.  Half measures availed us nothing.  

If you're like me, or us, and you want to get over the hump, you just can't drink.  Period.  

5 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

Complete and total surrender.  Admitting to my innermost self that I can never again control and enjoy my drinking.  It's just not up for debate.  Left with that void; being stripped of what had been my "solution", I had to find an alternative way to live.

Reagan says we have to find an alternative way to live.  An older lady in my group with a gazillion years of sobriety told me that us drunks block any sort of emotion with booze.  Scared- drink.  Sad- drink.  Anxious- drink.  When you choose sobriety, she said you take a cheese grater to your brain and clean off all of that old, callous, crystalized boozy protection and now you have to process normal emotions like normal people do, and it's some scary shit.   

That's why you should call BearSchlong today.    

And your occasional reprieve and detachment from reality is spot-on, and it's fucking wonderful.  An old-timer in my group calls it a "burning release".  But then he says to play the song to the end, and it's not so great.  And when you wake up the next day, you still have all that shit to do.  It didn't go away when you got drunk.  "Time don't wait on nobody".  Marty Stuart and His Fabulous Superlatives.  

I'm really, really glad you posted.  Thank you.  

[DallasHorn26 586]

As someone who is 5.5 months in, I was there not long ago. I struggled for the longest time to make it past 90 days and would reach a point where I convinced myself I could just do it every now and then or just for a few days then stop.  Those times were short lived, and I was back at it full fledged. I think the paragraph at the bottom of page xxvii in the Doctor's Opinion describes it perfectly.

“Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.”

For me, it took the complete psychic change and getting out of myself. I heard a guy say in a meeting recently that you can start working any step that starts with a 1 at any point and for me that's what it took to get past that hump. At 6 hours sober, you're further along and can help a guy that's only 2 hours sober.  My sponsor asked 3 things of me from day 1

1. Read at least two pages of the book a day

2. Call at least 2 other alcoholics a day

3. Thank my higher power every night if I make it to bed sober and when I wake up and ask for guidance to do it again

My advice (at least what's worked for me) is to make those calls and find ways to be of service to others or your home group. Even a small task like taking out the trash or sweeping up butts at my homegroup provides relief from the bondage of self. I don't have all the answers, but I know following my sponsor and the guys ahead of me and doing what they do and trying to show it to the next guy has kept me in line longer than anything else I've tried on my own has.

 

 

 

 

Edited October 19, 2021 by DallasHorn26

[JohnnyRage 1617]

8 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

What do you mean by “over the hump”?  

He means he can’t find the will power to avoid the oncoming collision.

[JohnnyRage 1617]

Hopefully no one reads that as a weakness or character flaw. It is essentially our dilemma. I couldn’t either. Neither could the friend of a friend above.

I’m not trying to diagnosis you ‘Z’. Your journey is your journey. I’m here if you need anything.

[Kennythetiger 9479]

Just now, JohnnyRage said:

Hopefully no one reads that as a weakness or character flaw. It is essentially our dilemma. I couldn’t either. Neither could the friend of a friend above.

I’m not trying to diagnosis you ‘Z’. Your journey is your journey. I’m here if you need anything.

It was described to me the other day as “self-sabotage”. 

[JohnnyRage 1617]

I don’t think Z is self sabotaging. He’s stuck/trapped/dying because sobriety is worse.

Edited October 19, 2021 by JohnnyRage

[TwiceHorn 31554]

4 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

I get it. It's excruciating - for me, it was ripping off the bandaid, breaking the vacuum seal, and letting AA fill the void. 3 meetings a day. Waking up terrified, thinking if I made it to noon I could go to a safe place.  Then evening meetings.  Repeat for a few weeks and/or months and find my place in the recovery community.

The truth about me is that If I'm isolating, hiding, running, and staying away from people in recovery then it's such a miserable place.  I have to walk into a meeting where I know - and LOVE - lots of people - and I know they LOVE me. That's my recovery. I'm either going to fill that damned hole with booze, or love and fellowship.

When I'm alone and isolated I go crazy.

The only solution that I have found is to seek out people like me who understand.

My decision tree is simple.

1) drink and try to blot out the reality of my intolerable situation.

2) Put a gun to my head and check out.

3) Find a way to live sober and happy with a higher power that does for me what I can't do for myself. Lots of times that higher power is simply the fellowship of AA, and the one on one time I spend working with a sponsor, and sponsees.

So far I cling to option 3 with the desperation of a drowning man.

God bless you buddy, let's talk.  Happy to do whatever I can to help.

That is the point in time at which I wanted to blow hair, or thought about it more than usual.

I didn't want to get sober again, not at all.  But I couldn't keep on drinking, either.  At some point I decided that being a homeless drunk, which was where I was headed, and probably sooner than I could really comprehend, was inconsistent with my personal values.

My previous forays into sobriety were filled with various forms of trepidation, but that last one was a doozer.

[ztejas 43546]

Thanks all. I'm pretty good on the HOW to do it - it's just the wanting to and laziness that are issues right now. But I need to start getting my ass to meetings. That's always step 1.

[TwiceHorn 31554]

58 minutes ago, ztejas said:

Thanks all. I'm pretty good on the HOW to do it - it's just the wanting to and laziness that are issues right now. But I need to start getting my ass to meetings. That's always step 1.

I guess the bottom line is, you aren't feeling real powerless right now.  I'm not sure there's any point in going through the motions.

[JohnnyRage 1617]

I don't fully understand why a lot of history and science come in cartoons, but I gobble it up. This one was rather simple and on point.

 

 

[Reagan1k 3024]

@TwiceHorn posted something in one of the doomsday football threads about Sark and his demeanor.  I'd been noticing the same things as the cameras show him on the sideline and then in his press conference answers.  He seems  to be (outwardly at least) showing some examples working a program not just (presumably) in the rooms but in real life and in the face of huge pressure and high stakes.

It's an interesting dilemma - walking in serenity and being patient with yourself and others  when shit is being thrown in the fan left and right, and others are apoplectic about things beyond their control.  While their is no comparison between his profession and mine, I've seen some of this recently in my own dealings.  People are losing their minds over supply chain issues they can't control and if one isn't equally as indignant, impatient, and bitter about the situation you're presumed to be disconnected, uninterested, etc.

It's a fine line to walk...demanding accountability, effort, and passion from others, while practicing acceptance, tolerance, and staying right-sized at the same time.

Would be fascinating to hear his personal thoughts on the matter.  I wish him the best, especially since the stakes are so high...far higher than a conference championship - this shit can be life and death for him and the rest of us - whether we're peddling legal advice, computers, or guiding a football team.

 

[hullabelew 3724]

This podcast is done by one of the counselors from where I went to treatment.   He started this after I was released.  I get a lot out of it,  but that may be a factor of my previous relationship with him and how much he helped me during and after my time there.   One of my roommates said, "He is a cross between a trial attorney and an old school preacher".  

https://anchor.fm/john-clark59

 

[Kennythetiger 9479]

They’re a nice length, too. Not too long. 

[JohnnyRage 1617]

 

[Genco 3041]

4 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

They’re a nice length, too. Not too long. 

[Not a cat 5715]

I've wondered that about sark too.  The whole "wisdom to know the difference" is a problem for coaches as the best coaches are by their nature usually control freaks. 

I'm guessing the worst job for a recovering alcoholic would be a high pressure, high visibility public job with easily trackable but hard to achieve metrics where you seem to have almost total control on all decisions that ultimately affect the outcome but still have to rely on the actions of a bunch of 18 to 22 year olds to succeed.

I obviously hope he succeeds but can only imagine the shit he's going through right now.

 

[TwiceHorn 31554]

30 minutes ago, Not a cat said:

I've wondered that about sark too.  The whole "wisdom to know the difference" is a problem for coaches as the best coaches are by their nature usually control freaks. 

I'm guessing the worst job for a recovering alcoholic would be a high pressure, high visibility public job with easily trackable but hard to achieve metrics where you seem to have almost total control on all decisions that ultimately affect the outcome but still have to rely on the actions of a bunch of 18 to 22 year olds to succeed.

I obviously hope he succeeds but can only imagine the shit he's going through right now.

 

Yeah the thing that occurs to me is that he must lead and is responsible for like 100 people.  That kind of leadership is always a challenge, but when your life mission is currently to "sweep your side of the street" and let the other guys take care of theirs, that's got to be really hard.

[Celery Man 21003]

A funny thing about this sickness is kinda how detached you can get from the inevitable consequences with other people. I may not be wording that well. There was a girl who was at rehab with me who I was friendly with, and I kept up with her a bit afterwards, and then she kinda fell off the radar. Even at rehab she seemed like... probably it was going to be a tough path for her. I had assumed she was probably dead, but outside of Facebook I didn't have a good way of trying to reach her. Saw some memory this morning that she had commented on, so I did a quick google. RIP two years ago Nancy. Damn shame.

[hullabelew 3724]

I gave up googling people I was in rehab with.  It was depressing seeing how many had died.  I was in a music program and it was about the only place you could really talk to chicks and this one cool chick was in our group.  Incredible singing voice and a vocal teacher but her life has been horrible.  She was just one of the saddest people I have ever met.  You could see it in her eyes.  I talked to her a couple of times after we got out, but I'm scared to death to google her name. 

 

Edited November 12, 2021 by hullabelew

[Celery Man 21003]

Rehab was funny, still remains funny. One of the funniest things I've ever experienced, as horrible and sad as it was. It's high school, except instead of lacking independence due to being still technically a child, it's lacking independence due to being still emotionally a child. Not too long ago I watched that Sandra Bullock rehab movie (28 Days) - not nearly as many zombies as I was expecting and I can understand why it was poorly reviewed but also it was so obviously written by someone who had gone through rehab, as it was filled with stupid humorous shit just like rehab was. 

We were playing fucking tag one afternoon. That idea had somehow percolated - this whole place would make for an awesome game of tag, we should let it be known that there is going to be a massive game of tag, lets pick a day and do it.

• Oscar (RIP) getting all super pissed off because he felt like people were cheating,
• the little redheaded dude who was in there for synthetics and had a harebrained scheme to start with a penny and double it every day (I tried to explain compound interest and how something like that could work but he didn't get it, it was either this plan or underwater welding) - that dude turned out to be lightning fast and ran completely upright like Forrest Gump. At one point he was somehow just flying across the roof of a building he had jumped onto from the balcony of another building
• arguments over if the medical building was out of bounds until the people working in that building told us it definitely was
• the end of the game is called, fucking Nancy, RIP, who probably weighed 300 pounds, comes crawling out from a little drainage culvert. that entire time we had no idea she was even in the game. I wouldn't have tried to fit myself into that pipe and the vision of Nancy arm over arm pulling herself out of there will forever be one of the funniest things I have ever seen

[Kennythetiger 9479]

What a great post. Brought a smile to my face over lunch break. 

[BearSchlong 8116]

3 hours ago, Celery Man said:

A funny thing about this sickness is kinda how detached you can get from the inevitable consequences with other people. I may not be wording that well. There was a girl who was at rehab with me who I was friendly with, and I kept up with her a bit afterwards, and then she kinda fell off the radar. Even at rehab she seemed like... probably it was going to be a tough path for her. I had assumed she was probably dead, but outside of Facebook I didn't have a good way of trying to reach her. Saw some memory this morning that she had commented on, so I did a quick google. RIP two years ago Nancy. Damn shame.

I agree, so that makes it so much sweeter when people defy the odds and flourish.  I love surprises like that, but my facebook is full of people that the disease killed.

 

 

[Reagan1k 3024]

Maybe it’s been discussed here and I missed it, but has anyone watched the “Mom” sitcom?

im guessing it ceased production and is now just in cable syndication.  Some cable channel will run 4-5 episodes back to back.

Must be written / produced by someone in the program.  Pretty witty especially if you’ve been in the rooms and catch the nuance. 

[BearSchlong 8116]

Been meaning to watch that.

[NAVY 6747]

Heading to an all inclusive resort in a couple of weeks. It’s been 22 months since my last drink and I’m thrilled with the positive changes that came with that decision. 

Anyhow, my old shitty pal alcohol has started speaking to me. Maybe a beer or two in Mexico will be ok…. Hey you’re gonna need a social lubricant…. You don’t want to be the square that isn’t drinking and having fun…. 

Well fuck you booze. I’ve been down this bargaining road too many times.  I recognize what’s up. I only drink in Mexico is not “I don’t drink”.

I’m going to have a great fucking time, now gtfo of my head. 

Alcohol man, always trying to creep back in 

 

[Kennythetiger 9479]

15 hours ago, NAVY said:

Heading to an all inclusive resort in a couple of weeks. It’s been 22 months since my last drink and I’m thrilled with the positive changes that came with that decision. 

Anyhow, my old shitty pal alcohol has started speaking to me. Maybe a beer or two in Mexico will be ok…. Hey you’re gonna need a social lubricant…. You don’t want to be the square that isn’t drinking and having fun…. 

Well fuck you booze. I’ve been down this bargaining road too many times.  I recognize what’s up. I only drink in Mexico is not “I don’t drink”.

I’m going to have a great fucking time, now gtfo of my head. 

Alcohol man, always trying to creep back in 

 

I’ve read some of your tales. You don’t need booze. 🙂

[TwiceHorn 31554]

17 hours ago, NAVY said:

Heading to an all inclusive resort in a couple of weeks. It’s been 22 months since my last drink and I’m thrilled with the positive changes that came with that decision. 

Anyhow, my old shitty pal alcohol has started speaking to me. Maybe a beer or two in Mexico will be ok…. Hey you’re gonna need a social lubricant…. You don’t want to be the square that isn’t drinking and having fun…. 

Well fuck you booze. I’ve been down this bargaining road too many times.  I recognize what’s up. I only drink in Mexico is not “I don’t drink”.

I’m going to have a great fucking time, now gtfo of my head. 

Alcohol man, always trying to creep back in 

 

Yeah, a fair part of my early recovery was "talking to" alcohol.

[hullabelew 3724]

Heard something today that really rang true for me.     A lot of the times, when I think I'm having a craving, it is actually more about nostalgia than truly craving a chemical substance.    

Was talking with a friend from my IOP at a monthly dinner recently.   He said that early on, he was just working on keeping the darkness out of his life.  He said that once he quit that started trying to let the light in, it all became much easier.  

[Celery Man 21003]

I mostly don't think about alcohol anymore. I think some people are very anti that "while you're in these rooms, alcohol is waiting in the parking lot doing pushups" mentality or at least message - I think there were times in my recovery where a fucking flat tire could have taken me down and that message is really true, but also a big fear of mine when I was going through rehab was just the idea that my life is now meetings and constant vigilance until I croak. That hasn't turned out to be my life at all anymore, but it is weird how some things just every now and then will bring back that feeling/craving.

Two of the weird ones for me - 

Yuengling. I moved to North Carolina, where Yuengling beer is available. In my 20s when I was playing music and touring in a band, it was always exciting on an east coast tour to hit Florida or wherever where Yuengling started being available. And now I'll see ads or be in the store and there it is in boxes, and it's a weird fleeting "Yuengling!" quickly followed by "ah, right, bummer" and then I forget about it altogether. Not every time but that feeling still creeps in.

Pot. I was always way more of a drunk than a pothead. I wasn't really a pothead at all - i would do it occasionally but I never built enough of a tolerance for me to be able to smoke and be functional at all. I have this feeling sometimes now of... if i had smoked pot instead of drank, it would be an enjoyable thing to relax and listen to music etc, but I ruined that with my drinking. My logic brain doesn't believe that to be true at all - I would immediately drink and even if I didn't it would become a crutch, but again sometimes I'm actively listening to music (trying to pull apart the pieces and hear the individual parts) and I have this feeling of "I wish I could smoke pot".

hulla posted while I was writing this and I think he's dead on regarding the nostalgia bit. Both for me on Yuengling and getting high and listening to music.

[JohnnyRage 1617]

17 hours ago, NAVY said:

Heading to an all inclusive resort in a couple of weeks. It’s been 22 months since my last drink and I’m thrilled with the positive changes that came with that decision. 

Anyhow, my old shitty pal alcohol has started speaking to me. Maybe a beer or two in Mexico will be ok…. Hey you’re gonna need a social lubricant…. You don’t want to be the square that isn’t drinking and having fun…. 

Well fuck you booze. I’ve been down this bargaining road too many times.  I recognize what’s up. I only drink in Mexico is not “I don’t drink”.

I’m going to have a great fucking time, now gtfo of my head. 

Alcohol man, always trying to creep back in 

 

What kind of psychopath only wants to have a drink or two??