I'm An Alcoholic

[hullabelew 3724]

Think I've always had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol since I became of age but college, work or a gf kept my demons in check. Been working from home the last two years and single -- my alcohol use has skyrocketed. On a bad trajectory. Google'd AA a couple times but I'm not really religious so that made me wonder. Been looking into therapy for the first time.

There is a huge difference between religion and spirituality. A guy at rehab told me that religion is a guy sitting in church thinking about fishing. Spirituality is a guy fishing, thinking about God.

Sent from my Lenovo TB-X606F using Tapatalk

[Reagan1k 3024]

36 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

There is a huge difference between religion and spirituality. A guy at rehab told me that religion is a guy sitting in church thinking about fishing. Spirituality is a guy fishing, thinking about God.

Sent from my Lenovo TB-X606F using Tapatalk
 

Slowly raises hand.  I was that guy in both places.  I always felt like I must be doing something wrong.  AA told me it was OK to have a higher power of my very own.  Took a lot of pressure off.

[BearSchlong 8114]

Think I've always had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol since I became of age but college, work or a gf kept my demons in check. Been working from home the last two years and single -- my alcohol use has skyrocketed. On a bad trajectory. Google'd AA a couple times but I'm not really religious so that made me wonder. Been looking into therapy for the first time.

Read this and tell us what you think - https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://aa-edinburgh.org.uk/pdf/bigbook/chapter_4.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwj73qGln5P1AhWmlmoFHV0MBwMQFnoECDMQAQ&usg=AOvVaw3oipwaSA0N0gafgz2J_QOW


AA isn't religious. AA is just a way to realize that you can take the heavy pack of ailments off your shoulders and let us help you carry it for a while.

[closetohumping 17470]

Day three no booze.  Not sure if I’m an alcoholic but basically drank everyday in 2020

[baboso 6057]

1 hour ago, closetohumping said:

Day three no booze.  Not sure if I’m an alcoholic but basically drank everyday in 2020

How did you do in 2021?

[JohnnyRage 1617]

1 hour ago, closetohumping said:

Day three no booze.  Not sure if I’m an alcoholic but basically drank everyday in 2020

1 out of 10 persons may be Alcoholic

9 out of 10 Alcoholics want you to be in the other 9.

[closetohumping 17470]

3 hours ago, baboso said:

How did you do in 2021?

Worse than 2020

[BearSchlong 8114]

I've mentioned my wife's best friend whose husband might possibly be one of us.

Last night he completely shattered her SUV's windshield with his forearm and dented the fuck out of her hood jumping down on it.

Hmmmmm.

Maybe one day.

[JohnnyRage 1617]

On 1/5/2022 at 11:46 AM, closetohumping said:

Worse than 2020

How's 2022?

 

[Celery Man 20996]

On 1/5/2022 at 3:46 PM, BearSchlong said:

I've mentioned my wife's best friend whose husband might possibly be one of us.

Last night he completely shattered her SUV's windshield with his forearm and dented the fuck out of her hood jumping down on it.

Hmmmmm.

Maybe one day.

… from where?

[Celery Man 20996]

I feel like there are edge alcoholics - people who could go their whole lives maybe struggling but not failing to maintain some degree of control over their drinking. I think my dad is one of these. And I think 2020-2021 could send a lot of these folks over the threshold.

*edit* I do think that my dad is like this (almost alcoholic but not quite) but this comment is more about alcoholism that has manifested since pandemic times, not about anything specific happening with my dad

Edited January 8, 2022 by Celery Man

[Celery Man 20996]

Somewhat timely for thinking about drinking problem people vs alcoholics, this article just popped up

https://www.thecut.com/2022/01/tempest-sobriety-holly-whitaker.html

I'm trying to be open minded, not be a defensive AA acolyte, not be an alcoholism gatekeeper, and check my sexism, but I think I still land that this is kinda gross. Basically a girlboss influencer alternative to AA where you can curate your sobriety without the patriarchy for $40/mo (app with tips and meetings) or for an extra one time fee of $300 you can get 4 private coaching sessions. I'm clearly failing at being open minded and etc etc. Here I'm going to fail at not being an alcoholic gatekeeper

https://jointempest.com/hollys-story/

Quote

By late 2012, I had been drinking problematically for years but delayed doing anything about it because I wasn’t sure if I fit the definition of an alcoholic and because I just didn’t want to be an alcoholic.

So I kept trying to drink “normally” until finally, my drinking was so bad I had no choice but to do something about it. My moment of clarity came when I realized alcohol was getting in the way of everything I wanted out of life.

But I couldn’t find the holistic, integrated approach to recovery I was looking for. So, I put together a number of different modalities, and carved out a system of recovery that was aspirational, exciting, effective, personalized, and didn’t assign me a lifetime label.

That program I made for myself laid the foundation of what is now Tempest—an evidence-based, personalized, digital recovery program that’s open to anyone, regardless of how they identify or where they are on the spectrum of alcohol use disorder. You can read more about my approach and how I developed this empowering system of recovery in my book, Quit Like a Woman.

Whatever brought you here today, I want to remind you how much courage it takes to begin this path of self-discovery, awareness, and healing. You are part of a lineage of so many brave people that dared to question and dared to change. We can’t wait to begin this journey together.

With hope,

Holly Whitaker,
Tempest’s Founder

 

I just can't take a recovery guru (if they profess to be someone who needed recovery) seriously if they can't be more descriptive about their journey than that.

I do think the question of AA and acceptance/inclusion is interesting. Obviously, there are all types of meetings in addition to meetings that are explicitly for women, older people, younger people, etc. I suspect Holly Whitaker never actually explored AA very deeply before making some of her claims about it, but I'm also not sure if I've given proper consideration to what the experience would be like as a woman, trans person, or person of color.

The other interesting thing is the idea of a program for people who want to better control their drinking but whose lives are not unmanageable. I don't think she's trying to market herself as not being for real addicts (and so I feel confident in my assessment that it's a little gross), but I think there are probably a lot of people who would benefit from a "support for drinking less with other normies" organization. The main problem is it would get filled up with alcoholics who can't get through step 1.

[TwiceHorn 31536]

6 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

Somewhat timely for thinking about drinking problem people vs alcoholics, this article just popped up

https://www.thecut.com/2022/01/tempest-sobriety-holly-whitaker.html

I'm trying to be open minded, not be a defensive AA acolyte, not be an alcoholism gatekeeper, and check my sexism, but I think I still land that this is kinda gross. Basically a girlboss influencer alternative to AA where you can curate your sobriety without the patriarchy for $40/mo (app with tips and meetings) or for an extra one time fee of $300 you can get 4 private coaching sessions. I'm clearly failing at being open minded and etc etc. Here I'm going to fail at not being an alcoholic gatekeeper

https://jointempest.com/hollys-story/

 

I just can't take a recovery guru (if they profess to be someone who needed recovery) seriously if they can't be more descriptive about their journey than that.

I do think the question of AA and acceptance/inclusion is interesting. Obviously, there are all types of meetings in addition to meetings that are explicitly for women, older people, younger people, etc. I suspect Holly Whitaker never actually explored AA very deeply before making some of her claims about it, but I'm also not sure if I've given proper consideration to what the experience would be like as a woman, trans person, or person of color.

The other interesting thing is the idea of a program for people who want to better control their drinking but whose lives are not unmanageable. I don't think she's trying to market herself as not being for real addicts (and so I feel confident in my assessment that it's a little gross), but I think there are probably a lot of people who would benefit from a "support for drinking less with other normies" organization. The main problem is it would get filled up with alcoholics who can't get through step 1.

For some oddball reason (I suspect initially because she's from Dallas), I keep getting Demi Lovato news on my feed, mostly sobriety-related.  And I do click on the sobriety stories because good Lord that girl is a train wreck.  The embodiment of "some folks are sicker than others."

Anyway, for the last year or so, she's been touting "California sober," which apparently is the marijuana maintenance plan plus "moderate drinking."  Which is something only someone who has never achieved longer-term quality sobriety could ever buy into.

Well, after her umpteenth stint in rehab, she has renounced "California sober."

I really dislike celebs trying to be thought leaders on anything, but most especially with their dumbass ideas about sobriety.

[Genco 3041]

4 hours ago, Celery Man said:

… from where?

The top turnbuckle

[Reagan1k 3024]

Holly Whittaker’s opinions on sobriety and AA aren’t really any of my business I guess, other than as a reminder to be welcoming to all. 

What I will say is that she appears to be pretty good at marketing and business development. 

[Reagan1k 3024]

Holly Whittaker’s opinions on sobriety and AA aren’t really any of my business I guess, other than as a reminder to be welcoming to all. 

What I will say is that she appears to be pretty good at marketing and business development. 

[BearSchlong 8114]

Thats why I'm glad AA has the tradition of "no grifting", basically.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

[Dewey 3293]

19 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

For some oddball reason (I suspect initially because she's from Dallas), I keep getting Demi Lovato news on my feed, mostly sobriety-related.  And I do click on the sobriety stories because good Lord that girl is a train wreck.  The embodiment of "some folks are sicker than others."

Anyway, for the last year or so, she's been touting "California sober," which apparently is the marijuana maintenance plan plus "moderate drinking."  Which is something only someone who has never achieved longer-term quality sobriety could ever buy into.

Well, after her umpteenth stint in rehab, she has renounced "California sober."

I really dislike celebs trying to be thought leaders on anything, but most especially with their dumbass ideas about sobriety.

It's because a lot of people do not want to give up control, it's not simply too much of one or two things, it's the whole of it. They don't want to lose their life, in that everything must change. They'll just tweak a few things "oh, I'm fine..."

"In order to gain a life, one must lose it".... something like that. 

It's a scary deal, lots of twist and turns and I'll tell anyone from my own personal experience,  it's worth every dark twist and turn. 

[TwiceHorn 31536]

15 minutes ago, Dewey said:

It's because a lot of people do not want to give up control, it's not simply too much of one or two things, it's the whole of it. They don't want to lose their life, in that everything must change. They'll just tweak a few things "oh, I'm fine..."

"In order to gain a life, one must lose it".... something like that. 

It's a scary deal, lots of twist and turns and I'll tell anyone from my own personal experience,  it's worth every dark twist and turn. 

Oh yeah, I can relate to the difficulty of getting and staying sober.  It's not that that I marvel at.  

Like a lot of celebs, she somehow thinks of herself as a spokesperson and authority on various personal issues, including sobriety and recovery.

I tend to prefer the Anthony Hopkins approach.  Doesn't hide it, doesn't lookatme about it, either.  And makes "sober" and sincere comments in appropriate venues.  And then only after achieving long-term sobriety.  

[Celery Man 20996]

I think maybe a thing that isn't supremely evident to a lot of lurkers or maybe even people familiar with recovery when it comes to criticisms of stuff like Tempest or this lady in general - everyone here would agree that it's about the result, and whatever approach to not killing yourself with alcohol (or better moderating your drinking for normies, or whatever) works is great. But, there are a few things -

1. Alcoholism is different than problem drinking and it cannot be solved through moderation. Both alcoholism and problem drinking exist, alcoholics are unable to moderate their drinking, that is the primary difference and that is why moderation approaches do not fucking work for alcoholics. If you disagree with this we have a fundamental disagreement about the existence and nature of alcoholism.
2. Alcoholics obsess about fixing their drinking. Every single alcoholic desperately wants to drink normally and desperately wants to not give up drinking forever. This is why step number 1 is not admitting you have a problem, step 1 is admitting you are powerless over alcohol. This, among other reasons, is why people who glide right past step 1 on their way to being mad about "higher power" have to come back and do step 1 again. The main thing about alcoholics is that they do not want to stop drinking, which inherently means they are extremely resistant to the cure.
3. People avoiding the cure die all the time

If there's someone out there with an understanding of the disease who is offering a different path that helps people achieve sobriety, that's fantastic. If there's someone out there who has very little understanding of what alcoholism even is who is packaging and selling a lie to addicts desperate to avoid doing what they need to do to stop killing themselves, that's fucking gross. It's telling people with breast cancer that the chemo, the mastectomy, that's the patriarchy and you should buy these essential oils.

I'm going off the rails again though - it could be that there is some substantive recovery stuff in the program and if upper class boozy white ladies want to pay to not go sit in the weird room in the corner of the old strip center, that's OK.

I do, however, hate the defensive logic in AA where -  if the program didn't work for someone they didn't do the steps, and if someone is sober without it they either haven't relapsed yet or aren't actually an alcoholic.

 

I always get Demi Lovato confused with Ariana Grande, but do remember seeing a thing about her and her recovery at some point. A tendency I have that I think is connected to alcoholism is never shutting the fuck up about myself. Someone could say a thing, and internally I'm connecting with what that person is saying by relating it to something I've gone through, and I have to pump the brakes internally and think "nobody needs to hear my story right now we're talking about the other person". Or even absent that, I want to post pictures of my baby and talk about guitars I like, or here in North Carolina at the new job I have to stop myself from talking about Texas and my old job. I think this is a fairly benign self centeredness. If I was a pop star with a very public recovery battle, I could see how I would have a hard time stuffing my ego down and letting my thoughts mature for a while before sharing them with the world.

[El Diablo 4232]

I think there's a good chance, particularly in the case of someone with some celebrity status, they have fluffers and "yes" people around them who are clueless about the nature of alcoholism. When you're constantly accustomed to other's attention it's human nature to offer up your thoughts when questioned and your sense of self may be inaccurate. I'm coming up on 6 years and about all I'll share with anyone outside of sponsoring them is what it was like, what happened and what it's like now. And I don't randomly volunteer that much. Maybe that's an ego problem for me and maybe I should wear my sobriety a little more openly. IDK.

[Genco 3041]

12 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

Thats why I'm glad AA has the tradition of "no grifting", basically.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk
 

The 6th and 7th traditions were incredibly impactful for me when I was a newcomer. Knowing that no one in the room was forging a career path through AA and still offering their help the way they did got through to me in the early days.

2 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

I tend to prefer the Anthony Hopkins approach.  Doesn't hide it, doesn't lookatme about it, either.  And makes "sober" and sincere comments in appropriate venues.

I had no idea he was one of us. I found a couple of his comments after I read your post and guys like Hopkins illustrate both my admiration and frustration with the "attraction rather than promotion" aspect of the program. 

[BurntEyes 6030]

8 years ago this evening I was watching the Blackhawks play at a bar near my home in Chicago. I "pre-gamed" my Jameson double neat with a club soda with some double neat Jameson prior. It was cold so I walked to the closest bar. I got into a fight with some stairs and died. Literally. After surgery, a coma, and physical rehab I later discovered my BAC was .28% Yeah, doctor was surprised I was even able to make it to stairs to fall down. 

I began drinking seriously around 16. Doing some quick math today, without TOO much self doxing (yeah sure) I've now reached equilibrium. I've spent equal amounts of time in my life a drinker and sober. 

Sometimes I linger a moment on what might have been, but move off quickly. 

I'm happier now in life than I've ever been. Went to Vegas for New Years Eve, and aside from some points when UMichigan was really pushing my anger/control buttons, didn't not even desire drink. I'm in better shape, enjoy even the not so great days, and HOPE maybe I'll live long enough to best my drunk "adult" years with sober adult years. 

But... most importantly, today was a good day because I woke up. Hope the same for tomorrow. 

Not around here much anymore, but wanted to swing by and touch base so those friends I have in this thread knew all was well. Hope the same is true for them.

[Reagan1k 3024]

5 hours ago, Genco said:

The 6th and 7th traditions were incredibly impactful for me when I was a newcomer. Knowing that no one in the room was forging a career path through AA and still offering their help the way they did got through to me in the early days.

I had no idea he was one of us. I found a couple of his comments after I read your post and guys like Hopkins illustrate both my admiration and frustration with the "attraction rather than promotion" aspect of the program. 

It’s not always greed that stumbles over the traditions or causes people to market sobriety.  I’d be the first to admit, my business and marketing brain went into overload after a month or two into the program.  I wasn’t thinking I could make a fast buck; rather thinking- Holy shit this is the worst marketed / greatest thing ever.  ERRRBODY needs this stuff.  We have to get this message cranked up and cranked out to the masses.

I was well intentioned but could easily see how that could spin into something else.

Hopkins blows me away.  I’m sure I’m not the only one who started listening to a tape and thought the speakers voice was a dead ringer for A.H. only to quickly piece together Tony and CA. when he started talking about acting.

His is a great gift; relating the otherwise unrelatable to our common struggle. 
 

 

 

[Reagan1k 3024]

5 hours ago, Genco said:

The 6th and 7th traditions were incredibly impactful for me when I was a newcomer. Knowing that no one in the room was forging a career path through AA and still offering their help the way they did got through to me in the early days.

I had no idea he was one of us. I found a couple of his comments after I read your post and guys like Hopkins illustrate both my admiration and frustration with the "attraction rather than promotion" aspect of the program. 

It’s not always greed that stumbles over the traditions or causes people to market sobriety.  I’d be the first to admit, my business and marketing brain went into overload after a month or two into the program.  I wasn’t thinking I could make a fast buck; rather thinking- Holy shit this is the worst marketed / greatest thing ever.  ERRRBODY needs this stuff.  We have to get this message cranked up and cranked out to the masses.

I was well intentioned but could easily see how that could spin into something else.

Hopkins blows me away.  I’m sure I’m not the only one who started listening to a tape and thought the speakers voice was a dead ringer for A.H. only to quickly piece together Tony and CA. when he started talking about acting.

His is a great gift; relating the otherwise unrelatable to our common struggle. 
 

 

 

[Jerry Callo 8727]

Quietly passed a milestone this week - 3 years.  I bring it up to thank those who contribute to this thread.  I read this entire thread and the one on TOS.  Just reading and relating to situation and patterns helped me realize that I was much more like y'all than people that aren't controlled by alcohol.  It took me some time and some failed attempts at moderation to determine stopping was the only viable answer.  A heartfelt thank you to all of the people who have contributed to this thread over the years.    

[JohnnyRage 1617]

Nice! That means you've passed me!

 

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

On 1/9/2022 at 10:07 AM, Celery Man said:

If I was a pop star with a very public recovery battle, I could see how I would have a hard time stuffing my ego down and letting my thoughts mature for a while before sharing them with the world. 

 

 

Eef Barzelay, one of the most slept-on songwriters alive, wrote a song about this and some almost matches your words verbatim. This is off a concept album (remember those?) about narcissism called Ghost of Fashion. Brilliant, brilliant record musically and lyrically. 

This one is specifically about stars not being to help themselves "share their problems with the world, for God and all his pretty girls."

 

 

[closetohumping 17470]

On 1/8/2022 at 5:23 AM, JohnnyRage said:

How's 2022?

 

Last weekend I was watching the Blacklist marathon and things got pretty tense.  I felt the need to have a couple of drinks both days, and all that was available was White Claw.  Made me regret drinking. So, idk, good I guess?  I've had a couple of O'dooles this week.

[BearSchlong 8114]

Quit fucking around and get to a meeting and get some relief.

Or go buy what you really want and go get fucked up the right way.

I heartily endorse either action, but what I don't endorse is sitting around sitting white claws and near beer thinking you're controlling and enjoying your drinking.

Time's a wasting.

 

[BigOrange1 6471]

On 10/18/2021 at 11:22 PM, Bash Riprock said:

I am going month to month in Sober Living. I think I am going to stay till Feb. Best I've ever been. Love you guys.

i fucking hate having to post this, but i found out today that Bash passed away not long after he made this post.  no idea about they how or why of it, but thought i should share it here with you guys.

https://www.lubbockonline.com/obituaries/p0163608

[TwiceHorn 31536]

1 minute ago, BigOrange1 said:

i fucking hate having to post this, but i found out today that Bash passed away not long after he made this post.  no idea about they how or why of it, but thought i should share it here with you guys.

https://www.lubbockonline.com/obituaries/p0163608

Aw shit.  He's been around these parts a long time. RIP Bash Riprock.

[Celery Man 20996]

Dammit. Rest in peace brother.

[Goofyboy 3296]

One of my oldest friends has admitted he has a problem and is in some type of therapy / recovery.
Anything I can do to help him along?

[BearSchlong 8114]

Just be supportive and patient, tell him you're proud of him and just be honest.

Really sorry to hear about Bash. Hope he is at peace.

[TwiceHorn 31536]

1 hour ago, Goofyboy said:

One of my oldest friends has admitted he has a problem and is in some type of therapy / recovery.
Anything I can do to help him along?

As far as drinking around him goes, don't make a big deal out of it, either way.

For the first six months or a year, try to avoid drinking-related activities.  It's not so much that he can't be around alcohol, but you do kind of want to de-emphasize what he surely believes/d is the necessity of booze to have a good time with friends. 

The general rule for newly sober people is if you have a legitimate reason to be where people are drinking, say a wedding, or a work function, then it's ok to be there (but also don't hang around to the bitter end).  Otherwise, not so much.  So, if you ever did "drinking-driven" activities with him, don't, even sober.

Assuming he gets on a pretty even keel after about a year, and you'll probably know if you're around him much, you can "phase-in" normal drinking.

If you used to golf or watch football or play poker while pounding beers, consider at first finding something else to do together.  Then do it sober.  Then you can probably revert to old habits, just without him drinking.

And, if you haven't been close recently, consider renewing your relationship around some new positive activities that aren't excuses to drink.

Edited January 15, 2022 by TwiceHorn

[bluto 4942]

Damn, bash was around these boards for forever. 

[Goofyboy 3296]

As far as drinking around him goes, don't make a big deal out of it, either way.
For the first six months or a year, try to avoid drinking-related activities.  It's not so much that he can't be around alcohol, but you do kind of want to de-emphasize what he surely believes/d is the necessity of booze to have a good time with friends. 
The general rule for newly sober people is if you have a legitimate reason to be where people are drinking, say a wedding, or a work function, then it's ok to be there (but also don't hang around to the bitter end).  Otherwise, not so much.  So, if you ever did "drinking-driven" activities with him, don't, even sober.
Assuming he gets on a pretty even keel after about a year, and you'll probably know if you're around him much, you can "phase-in" normal drinking.
If you used to golf or watch football or play poker while pounding beers, consider at first finding something else to do together.  Then do it sober.  Then you can probably revert to old habits, just without him drinking.
And, if you haven't been close recently, consider renewing your relationship around some new positive activities that aren't excuses to drink.

Thank you. It’s probably good timing that I’ve had to damn near quit. Fucking hangovers from two to three drinks that were absolutely brutal. I can have two, so none is no problem. I appreciate it.

[NorthLoop 14248]

Damn. RIP Bash. Pretty sure he and I were the same age. 

[DalTxHornFan 3117]

14 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

Damn. RIP Bash. Pretty sure he and I were the same age. 

The obit shared above should give you a pretty strong clue one way or the other.

[Kennythetiger 9461]

11 hours ago, BigOrange1 said:

i fucking hate having to post this, but i found out today that Bash passed away not long after he made this post.  no idea about they how or why of it, but thought i should share it here with you guys.

https://www.lubbockonline.com/obituaries/p0163608

Well fuck a duck. I hope you found peace, brother. 

[JohnnyRage 1617]

'till All Are One

[Brisketexan 105337]

Damn, bash was around these boards for forever. 

Damn. Really sorry and sad to hear that.

Life is fucking hard, no two ways about it. Best we can do is lift each other up when we can - it’s why I appreciate and admire you bastards on this thread. It ain’t my struggle, but I’ve seen it enough to have some understanding, and y’all are doing the work. I’m sure Bash appreciated it, and I’m sure it helped.

We can’t always change the outcome of the game, but playing hard, and playing it right, still matters.

[Celery Man 20996]

What was Bash’s avatar in the old site? I can’t quite remember it because it’s blocked by the stingray corvette which I’m pretty sure is rip76 or something like that

[JohnnyRage 1617]

I'm pretty sure it was a retarded looking guy in Tech gear.

 

Edited January 15, 2022 by JohnnyRage

[TwiceHorn 31536]

14 hours ago, Goofyboy said:

Thank you. It’s probably good timing that I’ve had to damn near quit. Fucking hangovers from two to three drinks that were absolutely brutal. I can have two, so none is no problem. I appreciate it.

And, on the more personal level, as BearSchlong indicated, be honest.  If he seems like he's going off the rails, tell him. Falling off the wagon is a somewhat lengthy process where the drink is preceded by some insanity, and the former drinker may not notice that it's happening or may be rationalizing it away.  So honesty there is important.  If you see it, tell him, ask him if he's talked to his sponsor?  Does he even have a sponsor and if not why not?  Tell him you know he can't do it alone, and you're there for him, but can only help so much compared to people in the program.

And, if you experienced the "unmanageablity" in his life as a result of drinking, be honest about that too.  Remind him.  And, yes, tell him you're pleased and proud that he's sought help.

[JohnnyRage 1617]

He did all the right things. I didn't understand because I would have just shot my dick off and quit the hard way for a millionth time.

But we are all different and our paths are different.

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

My cousin is an addict -- Xanax and weed and God knows what else. He's from the north Atlanta suburbs which gave Plano in it's heroin epidemic days a run for its money or maybe even exceeded it back about ten years ago. He lost a half dozen friends before he was 20, and he spent most of HS as a baseball star, not a burnout in the druggy crowd.

He's been in and out of sobriety ever since and he me a chick in rehab, they clicked, and, marvel of marvels, it worked. They'd been together a few years and both of them stayed clean through all that time. Like me he's kind of a space cadet, and she managed his life, and he is about to get out of juco and move on to real college, and then, she up and died the other day. Not drugs -- fucking congenital heart defect. 

Other than encouraging him to get to as many meetings as he can bear to attend, is there anything to be done to help my cousin? He's gone up from Atlanta to Long Island to grieve with her family.....I would suggest in six months to a year some kind of Outward Bound type vacation maybe. Fucking life, man. 

[Celery Man 20996]

Yeah my initial feeling is he needs to be around people. I don't know what his living situation was or is or how this death changes that, but if he's with her family right now that's great, and it would seem like the best case scenario if there was some local family he could be with/even stay with for a while (best best case is that he understands he's in dangerous waters and that this is what he wants as well). Worst case scenario to me would look like him depressed and maybe not giving a shit anymore staying in the place where they lived together staring at the wall thinking why not.

[Caponata 151]

20 hours ago, BigOrange1 said:

i fucking hate having to post this, but i found out today that Bash passed away not long after he made this post.  no idea about they how or why of it, but thought i should share it here with you guys.

https://www.lubbockonline.com/obituaries/p0163608

Damn. He messaged me when I was struggling and guided me in recovery & finally going to rehab. Checked in on me & gave me his number if I needed any help. RIP. So sorry to hear this.