I'm An Alcoholic

[JohnnyRage 1617]

Wow.

[Dewey 3286]

"Joy is the happiness that does not depend on what happens. It is the grateful response to the opportunity that life offers you at this moment."

Brother Steindl-Rast

[JohnnyRage 1617]

Has access to everything physical, spiritual, industry success, and monetarily but yet it’s still cunning, baffling, and powerful...

 

http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2018/08/23/ben-affleck-checks-into-rehab-after-jennifer-garner-stages-intervention-report.html

 

[El Diablo 4232]

Guy has a shit ton of people around him who most likely tell him everything is fine.

[Guest]

19 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

Guy has a shit ton of people around him who most likely tell him everything is fine.

I don't know, seems like his estranged ex-wife or whatever, whom he clearly or at least visibly to me seems to love, has been upside his head and left him and now even had to gather people around him to do an intervention. 

Man, I miss that show, by the way. So awk.

[Dertyberd 394]

On 8/20/2018 at 10:28 PM, pch said:

Going to see my son in Cali Thursday.  His 35th birthday is Saturday and it will be the first one I have spent celebrating with him since he was two.  Drank my way out of the marriage & chose booze over being present in his life until he turned 16, found the amends letter I wrote my wife, and made contact with me. Grateful that this design for living has allowed us to reconnect on a level that neither of us could have imagined.  He is in day five of his journey and I am asking for God's best in his return to the program.  We will be going to meetings this weekend together-one of the many gifts this program has given me and one more reason to stay sober.

Just brought tears man.  Thank you for that.  I spent the week in S.A. with my daughter who flew over from Spain with my ex wife.  The first couple of years after the divorce were hard to be present because of the obvious distance, but my drinking went to 11, and I was drowning the pain of separation.  Thanks to technology and the program, we have the best possible relationship we can.  It's a miracle.  Most people don't understand the connection that comes from being truly present and that we have can have such a bond even being so far away.  The ability to be grateful for the moments I do get and truly making each moment count is pure joy and love.  We are damn lucky.  

Prayers for your boy.  Hope is a beautiful thing.  

[JohnnyRage 1617]

1 hour ago, El Diablo said:

Guy has a shit ton of people around him who most likely tell him everything is fine.

I don’t know. He’s seems like a smart and somewhat self-aware guy. Those of us like that usually chose to go into isolation and only come out mostly for pussy snacks and more alcohol.

He didn’t put up resistance to accepting help, Good on him. Hopefully his 3rd rodeo is a charm.

Edited August 23, 2018 by JohnnyRage

[Kennythetiger 9382]

From what little I read, I was also impressed with Jennifer.  The tabloid fodder was that Mr. Affleck was dating a playboy bunny in her 20s, but Jennifer still had the balls to show up and help him.  Good for her.

[Guest]

11 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

From what little I read, I was also impressed with Jennifer.  The tabloid fodder was that Mr. Affleck was dating a playboy bunny in her 20s, but Jennifer still had the balls to show up and help him.  Good for her.

They are still legally married, have 10 years together and 3 kids. Sounds like she probably knows all too well behind closed doors what this disease looks like.God bless her, indeed.

[TwiceHorn 31470]

Yeah, looks like she's doing a good job of "loving from a distance."  I didn't realize they were still married.

[Guest]

Has anyone ever taken a desire chip, even though you've never relapsed and have continual sobriety?

I've never shared my "testimony" on the interwebs, but suffice to say: I have not relapsed and have maintained sobriety over a period of time, yet still felt compelled or convicted or whatever-- pretty much immediately and with an intense surprise unto myself-- to pick one up today, at the first meeting I've gone to in years. I'm halfway wondering if the holy spirit or higher power or whatever you specifically call it, just took overrode the CPU and took over the joysticks for a bit to make thwart a crash into the side of a building.

Whatever the case, I'm not gonna think about it too much, and I feel so much more centered and relieved and am convicted that my higher power is in control and release all my garbage out of the shoot and fly by his voice, with gratitude and obedience and discipline.

[JohnnyRage 1617]

If it is indeed a selfish program in order to learn how to live outside of oneself, I have no problem with it.

 

If you’re worried about relapsing and just want to be on the hook and accountable, then maybe give back the chip once you don’t need it anymore. If it is a symbol of a resurgence in your program, hold onto it and earn it.

[Reagan1k 3024]

Its an outward expression of your commitment to live sober.....no restrictions or stipulations...not a thing wrong with it at all.  There are no chip rules or police.

Hell, if all we are given is today....then in reality we're all "newcomers" every day when we wake up and at least in the spiritual sense need to pick up a desire chip daily.

I think in my life I take a new desire chip each day through prayer upon waking, but 'd have no reservation in physically taking another one if I needed too in order to get myself re-centered.

If someone in the rooms gives you shit, ask them where in the Big Book it says you can't have one..... That'll get them off your back.

[Guest]

19 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

 

If someone in the rooms gives you shit, ask them where in the Big Book it says you can't have one..... That'll get them off your back.

The opposite, in fact, happened in that a guy came up to me and gave me his number and said, "I had 10+ years and thought I had it licked, stopped working the steps and program and now I've got 4 months. Call me if you ever think about drinking; I might not talk you out of it, just tell you what it's like again back out there after some good time of sobriety". 

If you are like me and reading this and you haven't been to a meeting in some years, you have some sobriety under your belt and you've experienced any of the miracles we talk about and have merged back into the large school of fish and can pass as just another guy now and are bogged down in just regular life stuff,  and if you have a hard time remembering the fine detail and acute grit of the suffering and pain of self-centered alcoholism, I encourage you to just go check out a meeting again and shake a hand or two. I'm feeling differently, at least.

Edited August 27, 2018 by Guest

[BearSchlong 8093]

Thanks for the contributions.

I've seen guys with decades of continuous sobriety get a chip to recommit. VERY often I've felt compelled to stand up and get a desire chip when offered at meetings but haven't, probably because pride and ego get in the way and I feel like explaining "I've got 7 years, 7 months, and 7 days sober but I still have very objectionable character defects that i want to live without."

Today I actually have that much time, noticed I was creeping up on that when I opened my daily reflections app the other day.

Rigorous honesty. I'm an alcoholic and I'm so into myself that I'll barricade myself from God and just go off on self will every single day sometimes. So grateful today for a framework for living that doesn't involve me trying to escape from reality. More than anything I want to be a sober member of alcoholics anonymous.

[Al_4_ISU 12463]

I wanted to get some opinions on related manners, and figured this thread was a good place to poll random opinions.  About a year ago my cousin (pictured next to me in profile pic) started dating this girl who slowly has insisted he basically change his entire lifestyle to be with her.  He's 35 and ready to settle down with someone.  Among other things, she has insisted that he never drink a drop again nor set foot in a bar, ever.  Attending parties where people are consuming booze is also a no-no.  Doing these things would end the relationship.

Here's the thing:  I don't believe he's an alcoholic, and neither does anyone else on either side of his family, nor any of his friends.  This girl is literally the only person in his life who has felt that his drinking was a problem.  He has done stupid shit while drunk, and 10 years ago he got an OWI and public intox in a short window of time.  Since then, he's drank fairly infrequently, and had no legal issues.  He's doing better than ever professionally, as well.  He's done silly things like order a WWE championship belt on Ebay that cost $300, but he hasn't drove drunk, got in a fight, had random sex, or done anything to hurt someone.

I've made the decision to just support him, but I really hate that this person is trying to so significantly change someone I love to mold him into her ideal of perfect.  I could care less if he drinks another drop, but we've had so many great adventures going to games around the country, exploring new places, and yes, haunting watering holes.  Am I being selfish (keep in mind, literally everyone else in his life feels the way I do), or is this psycho hose beast going too far?  Does he sound like an alcoholic to you guys?  I'm struggling in my reaction to it and trying to figure out if I'm a selfish asshole who isn't helping the alcoholic in their life, or just a concerned loved one that doesn't like seeing someone they care about be cajoled into being a whole different person.

Sorry if this is off topic or a misdirection of the point of the thread.  Just figured there would be some good insights here.

[Celery Man 20949]

People who are in denial about the impact alcohol has on their lives (and who can hide it from almost anybody) do exist.  However, controlling overzealous women also exist.  Impossible to tell which one or what blend of those is happening there.  I'm not speaking as an expert  in how you should handle this situation, but I'd maybe either choose to speak with him frankly about it (that if alcohol is a problem in his life you're in support of him abstaining and that your friendship isn't just about drinking, but also that if it isn't the case you're worried about the amount of control she's attempting to exert on his life), or let it go.  If they were engaged I'd lean more towards let it go.  Is she otherwise sane/normalish and do they live together?

[Al_4_ISU 12463]

42 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

People who are in denial about the impact alcohol has on their lives (and who can hide it from almost anybody) do exist.  However, controlling overzealous women also exist.  Impossible to tell which one or what blend of those is happening there.  I'm not speaking as an expert  in how you should handle this situation, but I'd maybe either choose to speak with him frankly about it (that if alcohol is a problem in his life you're in support of him abstaining and that your friendship isn't just about drinking, but also that if it isn't the case you're worried about the amount of control she's attempting to exert on his life), or let it go.  If they were engaged I'd lean more towards let it go.  Is she otherwise sane/normalish and do they live together?

We actually had that frank conversation.  I told him I didn't think he was an alcoholic, but asked him if he was hiding his use or using more than any of us realized, and he said his use was basically the extent I've observed before.  I think he was honest with me.  I went through a phase where I was abusing it, and have been pretty open about it with him, so I figured he'd feel disarmed.  The final straw for her was when he went out for drinks with a friend who was visiting him 3 nights in a row.  In those 3 total days, he had a total of 7 beers.  I don't believe that to be excessive use.

They don't live together, and there are other disturbing signs.  She has instructed him to never masturbate, for example.  Another odd sign is that she seems to have little sense of attachment to anything.  He and her were travelling together, and she got word that her sister had attempted suicide.  He offered to turn around and head back so they could be there, and she said "it's fine, she does this all the time.  I'm not going to indulge it".  We were at a friend's wedding in January, and she didn't come with.  He spent the entire reception on the phone with her so she could be assured that he wasn't trying to fuck bridesmaids.  In February, he was in Minneapolis for work (he lives in St Louis), and he was planning on going up to Winnipeg from there for his nephew's birthday party.  This was Thursday, the party was Saturday.  I was heading up to a Turnpike Troubadours show there, and asked if he wanted to come with (we're both big fans), and he went out and got tickets.  As soon as she found out about that, she demanded he drive back to St. Louis that night, before heading back to Winnipeg on Saturday.

He's admitted that she's extremely controlling, and that it's an unhealthy relationship.  But he doesn't want to break up with her because of the things she's trying to control about him, because he thinks that will just prove her right (IE, if he breaks up with her because she won't let him drink/go to bars, then he's the drunk she says he is).  Which I understand.  He basically wants the relationship to end, but for other reasons.  And I think that's right, but I don't want to be oblivious to some deeper problem either.

Edited August 28, 2018 by Al_4_ISU

[TwiceHorn 31470]

I'm going to guess that chick is bad news.  She's a complete control freak, which is something we alkies know a bit about.  So yeah he needs to gtfo.  I suspect she has some kind of PTSD demons of her own that will come bursting out at the worst possible time.

 

A person who is an alcoholic will have a lot of trouble just stopping.  That's pretty much the benchmark.  They will be internally uncomfortable until they drink again, and, following the progressive cycle, the relapse will catch up to and exceed the original level of drinking and associated fuck ups.

 

Denial and minimizing of drinking is not exclusive to alcoholics.  Think about it, and a lot of people deny and minimize their bad behaviors.  It's kind of a human thing.  It certainly plays a part in the life of an alcoholic, but it isn't a defining characteristic.  Everyone I knew that drank much in college did that, and relatively few of them ended up at the last house on the block.

[Al_4_ISU 12463]

1 minute ago, TwiceHorn said:

I'm going to guess that chick is bad news.  She's a complete control freak, which is something we alkies know a bit about.  So yeah he needs to gtfo.  I suspect she has some kind of PTSD demons of her own that will come bursting out at the worst possible time.

 

A person who is an alcoholic will have a lot of trouble just stopping.  That's pretty much the benchmark.  They will be internally uncomfortable until they drink again, and, following the progressive cycle, the relapse will catch up to and exceed the original level of drinking and associated fuck ups.

 

Denial and minimizing of drinking is not exclusive to alcoholics.  Think about it, and a lot of people deny and minimize their bad behaviors.  It's kind of a human thing.  It certainly plays a part in the life of an alcoholic, but it isn't a defining characteristic.  Everyone I knew that drank much in college did that, and relatively few of them ended up at the last house on the block.

Yeah, he routinely has taken alcohol sabbaticals in the past (often for Lent).  He travels to Minneapolis a lot of work and my home is in between.  He spends the night at my place a lot, and we'll usually go out for dinner when he does.  He almost never drinks in that situation either.  Just stopping has never been an issue for him.

I suspect you're right about the PTSD (which explains the callousness regarding her sister's issues) on her end.

Agree completely on minimizing bad behaviors in general.  We all do it, and about a myriad number of things.  I try to surround myself with people who aren't afraid to be honest with me on my bullshit, because I find that helps minimize it and stop it before it gets too far.

[Reagan1k 3024]

That sounds like a bad situation....regardless of his relationship with alcohol.

Whether he wants to stay with her or break it off, you might suggest he seek some professional guidance either way.

A therapist can help him process the relationship and determine the best way to proceed or exit.

The fact that he is drawn to her still and hasn't already cut bait may indicate that he has some work to do on his end as well.

Either choice will have consequences and it may help him to have a healthy framework through which to proceed.

 

[Al_4_ISU 12463]

5 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

That sounds like a bad situation....regardless of his relationship with alcohol.

Whether he wants to stay with her or break it off, you might suggest he seek some professional guidance either way.

A therapist can help him process the relationship and determine the best way to proceed or exit.

The fact that he is drawn to her still and hasn't already cut bait may indicate that he has some work to do on his end as well.

Either choice will have consequences and it may help him to have a healthy framework through which to proceed.

 

Thanks.  This seems like really good advice.  I don't know if he's ever been to a therapist, but it couldn't hurt.

Edited August 28, 2018 by Al_4_ISU

[BearSchlong 8093]

58 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

We actually had that frank conversation.  I told him I didn't think he was an alcoholic, but asked him if he was hiding his use or using more than any of us realized, and he said his use was basically the extent I've observed before.  I think he was honest with me.  I went through a phase where I was abusing it, and have been pretty open about it with him, so I figured he'd feel disarmed.  The final straw for her was when he went out for drinks with a friend who was visiting him 3 nights in a row.  In those 3 total days, he had a total of 7 beers.  I don't believe that to be excessive use.

They don't live together, and there are other disturbing signs.  She has instructed him to never masturbate, for example.  Another odd sign is that she seems to have little sense of attachment to anything.  He and her were travelling together, and she got word that her sister had attempted suicide.  He offered to turn around and head back so they could be there, and she said "it's fine, she does this all the time.  I'm not going to indulge it".  We were at a friend's wedding in January, and she didn't come with.  He spent the entire reception on the phone with her so she could be assured that he wasn't trying to fuck bridesmaids.  In February, he was in Minneapolis for work (he lives in St Louis), and he was planning on going up to Winnipeg from there for his nephew's birthday party.  This was Thursday, the party was Saturday.  I was heading up to a Turnpike Troubadours show there, and asked if he wanted to come with (we're both big fans), and he went out and got tickets.  As soon as she found out about that, she demanded he drive back to St. Louis that night, before heading back to Winnipeg on Saturday.

He's admitted that she's extremely controlling, and that it's an unhealthy relationship.  But he doesn't want to break up with her because of the things she's trying to control about him, because he thinks that will just prove her right (IE, if he breaks up with her because she won't let him drink/go to bars, then he's the drunk she says he is).  Which I understand.  He basically wants the relationship to end, but for other reasons.  And I think that's right, but I don't want to be oblivious to some deeper problem either.

Holy fuck why has he not run away from her as fast as he can?  This screams "personality disorder" behavior.  And I'm not being judgemental, I have 23 years of personal experience in this kind of matter.

I mean, damned. . .this is about the sickest kind of relationship possible and he can't see it because his perception is so distorted.

I love the variety of responses you'll get on this thread.

Twicehorn: there is reason for concern.

BearSchlong: kill it with fire immediately!

Edited August 28, 2018 by BearSchlong

[Al_4_ISU 12463]

1 minute ago, BearSchlong said:

Holy fuck why has he not run away from her as fast as he can?  This screams "personality disorder" behavior.  And I'm not being judgemental, I have 23 years of personal experience in this kind of matter.

I mean, damned. . .this is about the sickest kind of relationship possible and he can't see it because his perception is so distorted.

He knows, he just hasn't fully accepted it.  I assume there's a point with alcoholism where you know that you're at this stage in one part of your brain, but haven't fully accepted it either, right?

You're right about the distorted perception though.  He's ended good, but imperfect relationships when he was younger and now he's feeling his clock tick.  I think he's desperate to avoid ending up alone and is making bad decisions because of it.  35 isn't that old, especially for a guy, but I suspect that's his underlying (albeit flawed) motivation.

[Celery Man 20949]

2 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

She has instructed him to never masturbate, for example.

oh he needs to get rid of her

[Reagan1k 3024]

Pretty much a litmus test for insanity.....

Bat-Shit crazy woman - "Never masturbate"

Sane Woman - "Please, please go beat off and leave me alone for a night"

[BearSchlong 8093]

Anyone else think of this situation?

 

[Dertyberd 394]

I was thinking more, "when masturbation's lost it's fun, you're a fuckin alky".  Wait what?

Yeah, I had to get rid of an issue like that.  Mind you, I drank hard because I was too big of a mess/pussy to leave on my own and forced her hand, but we seem to attract crazy in all sorts of forms when we are in the shit.  

[Dertyberd 394]

Not saying your cousin is one of us, don't know the guy at all.  You will however get sound advice here from folks who know crazy, have seen crazy, and probably listen to crazy at least a couple of times a week. 

It's funny how I used to be the center of the crazy or felt a need to be surrounded by it, but now am the guy my normal friends come to when they need help with crazy.  They must see the miracle of change better than I do because I know I still need to go to meetings weekly or I'll be the one they're talking about.   Damn I'm grateful for another day sober.  

[Dewey 3286]

Things have a way of working themselves out, I wouldn't interfere with your cousins life.

[Al_4_ISU 12463]

Thanks guys.  Lots of good insight here, as I suspected.

[El Diablo 4232]

4 hours ago, Dewey said:

Things have a way of working themselves out, I wouldn't interfere with your cousins life.

2 words.

Jodi. Arias.

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

31 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

2 words.

Jodi. Arias.

Yeah that chick sounds like she is all kinds of wrong and it's not even really funny. By any means necessary he needs to be prevented from procreating with her, even if you have to give him a vasectomy yourself. I am joking here, but barely. 

[El Diablo 4232]

1 hour ago, MaybeACoordinator said:

Yeah that chick sounds like she is all kinds of wrong and it's not even really funny. By any means necessary he needs to be prevented from procreating with her, even if you have to give him a vasectomy yourself. I am joking here, but barely. 

I suspect she's already harvested his seed and doesn't actually need him any longer. If she tells him it's okay to start whacking off again... yeah, she's got her stash.

[Al_4_ISU 12463]

I figured that we've gone so deep at this point, that I'd keep you guys updated.

So I approached him about coming up to Ames for the home opener Saturday.  He's a big Cyclone fan and makes 2-3 games a year.  When I learned about the extent of his leash, I assumed he wouldn't show unless they broke up.  2 weeks ago he tells me he's coming, so I assume that he'd broken up with her.  It was only earlier this week I found out he's getting into town an hour before the game (so as not to be socially tempted).  He said he was still staying at the hotel with the group which consists of me and my wife, his sister and her husband, and a buddy of mine who is single.

Get a text last night from him wondering who the roster of the room is.  I explain.  He responds "No other people?  No visitors beyond that?".  As I start boiling it down, she's demanding to know if there's any chance some rando slut will be staying with us before she approves his stay.  I finally tell him that if it's this big of a fucking deal to not bother coming as he'll spend more time on the road than in Ames.  His final response on the matter is "No, I'm coming to the game, but we'd decided that I'd drive home instead of staying the night". 

It's 6 hours from St. Louis to Ames.  He's going to spend 12 hours on the road to spend 4 hours at a game.

How do I kill this evil beast? 

 

Edited August 30, 2018 by Al_4_ISU

[JohnnyRage 1617]

Your cousin has to learn his own lessons. You've said your peace multiple times. Now you're the one with a problem that you can't fix.

It sounds like he's not an alcoholic...for now. But it is not our role to diagnose.

Try to make the most of your limited time with your cousin. Be of service to him in the sense that he probably desperately needs to have some fun. Try not to bring him down. Be a beacon of how life can be.

Edited August 30, 2018 by JohnnyRage

[Al_4_ISU 12463]

4 minutes ago, JohnnyRage said:

Your cousin has to learn his own lessons. You've said your peace multiple times. Now you're the one with a problem that you can't fix.

It sounds like he's not an alcoholic...for now. But it is not our role to diagnose.

Try to make the most of your limited time with your cousin. Be of service to him in the sense that he probably desperately needs to have some fun. Try not to bring him down. Be a beacon of how life can be.

Thanks.  That's definitely the right call.  The greater temptation is to lecture him about this, but the right thing is frequently the harder thing to do.

[JohnnyRage 1617]

(unrelated)

Out of all the bad things that could occur in my day, my number 3 worst thing took a big doo doo on me yesterday. Pretty big deal. I wanted to but didn't drink over it. I don't drink over the worst things. I would have drank over it back when I was naive to my predicament.

But now I fail over being exhausted and spiritually vacuous, when I don't have the buffer needed deflect the obsessive voice in my head whispering, "We'll survive."

But not fucking today.

Edited August 30, 2018 by JohnnyRage

[Reagan1k 3024]

1 hour ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Thanks.  That's definitely the right call.  The greater temptation is to lecture him about this, but the right thing is frequently the harder thing to do.

If you have been clear with him that this doesn't appear from the outside to be a healthy relationship then you have done your part and need to detach. 

If you've only joked with  him about being pussy-whipped, etc., then you might consider having a brief but serious discussion relaying your observations that the dynamic appears odd and expressing your concern.

From there it is his deal.  He might be waiting for someone to validate his own concerns and create a tipping point - Or he might he happier than a pig in shit - 

[TwiceHorn 31470]

On 8/28/2018 at 9:40 AM, BearSchlong said:

Holy fuck why has he not run away from her as fast as he can?  This screams "personality disorder" behavior.  And I'm not being judgemental, I have 23 years of personal experience in this kind of matter.

I mean, damned. . .this is about the sickest kind of relationship possible and he can't see it because his perception is so distorted.

I love the variety of responses you'll get on this thread.

Twicehorn: there is reason for concern.

BearSchlong: kill it with fire immediately!

Lmao, indeed.  I dunno, I'm a wuss.  I needed help, I finally accepted it, I'm a better person.  It can go the other way too.

[Al_4_ISU 12463]

19 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

If you have been clear with him that this doesn't appear from the outside to be a healthy relationship then you have done your part and need to detach. 

If you've only joked with  him about being pussy-whipped, etc., then you might consider having a brief but serious discussion relaying your observations that the dynamic appears odd and expressing your concern.

From there it is his deal.  He might be waiting for someone to validate his own concerns and create a tipping point - Or he might he happier than a pig in shit - 

I haven't been that stern with him.  More, me telling him that I don't believe he's an alcoholic, and that I "don't think she really loves you for who you are".  I think I'll just be a good time during the game, and when he leaves afterwards just send him with a parting "I really think this is unhealthy, I'm concerned for your well being, but you need to figure out what makes you happy.  It's not my place" and call it good.

[Reagan1k 3024]

I say this only half jokingly, but based on your descriptions of him, she damn well might be gaslighting him into rehab before too long.

That'd be an expensive lesson in relationships !!!!!!!!

Good luck - You seem like a caring and level headed guy.  I'm sure you'll handle it properly.

[Al_4_ISU 12463]

19 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

I say this only half jokingly, but based on your descriptions of him, she damn well might be gaslighting him into rehab before too long.

That'd be an expensive lesson in relationships !!!!!!!!

Good luck - You seem like a caring and level headed guy.  I'm sure you'll handle it properly.

It's certainly one-sided, but his immediate family feels even more strongly than I do, if you can believe that.

It's funny you mention rehab - the fact that she calls him a drunk, but has never encouraged him to seek treatment is one of my big "this is about control" red flags.

[El Diablo 4232]

I can't help but wonder a bit about the girls upbringing and relationships with her own family members. It sounds to me like she could be projecting onto this guy some issues that she has rather than him actually displaying the behavior that she finds as a bad thing. Like she had to invent something for her to fix. It'll be interesting if they stay together to see what might be next on her list of things to fix once the masturbation and drinking have been curtailed.

[TwiceHorn 31470]

8 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

I can't help but wonder a bit about the girls upbringing and relationships with her own family members. It sounds to me like she could be projecting onto this guy some issues that she has rather than him actually displaying the behavior that she finds as a bad thing. Like she had to invent something for her to fix. It'll be interesting if they stay together to see what might be next on her list of things to fix once the masturbation and drinking have been curtailed.

Strapping on my amateur shrink helmet, yes, it sounds like a classic case of hypervigilence that usually results from PTSD or another rather extreme anxiety disorder.  Does she have panic attacks?

[BearSchlong 8093]

3 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

Lmao, indeed.  I dunno, I'm a wuss.  I needed help, I finally accepted it, I'm a better person.  It can go the other way too.

or maybe I'm a reactionary extremist.

[Reagan1k 3024]

1 hour ago, TwiceHorn said:

Strapping on my amateur shrink helmet, yes, it sounds like a classic case of hypervigilence that usually results from PTSD or another rather extreme anxiety disorder.  Does she have panic attacks?

Only when the BF isn't within striking distance.......

[BearSchlong 8093]

6 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

I figured that we've gone so deep at this point, that I'd keep you guys updated.

So I approached him about coming up to Ames for the home opener Saturday.  He's a big Cyclone fan and makes 2-3 games a year.  When I learned about the extent of his leash, I assumed he wouldn't show unless they broke up.  2 weeks ago he tells me he's coming, so I assume that he'd broken up with her.  It was only earlier this week I found out he's getting into town an hour before the game (so as not to be socially tempted).  He said he was still staying at the hotel with the group which consists of me and my wife, his sister and her husband, and a buddy of mine who is single.

Get a text last night from him wondering who the roster of the room is.  I explain.  He responds "No other people?  No visitors beyond that?".  As I start boiling it down, she's demanding to know if there's any chance some rando slut will be staying with us before she approves his stay.  I finally tell him that if it's this big of a fucking deal to not bother coming as he'll spend more time on the road than in Ames.  His final response on the matter is "No, I'm coming to the game, but we'd decided that I'd drive home instead of staying the night". 

It's 6 hours from St. Louis to Ames.  He's going to spend 12 hours on the road to spend 4 hours at a game.

How do I kill this evil beast? 

 

Looks like we're dealing with. . .. 

 

[Al_4_ISU 12463]

1 hour ago, TwiceHorn said:

Strapping on my amateur shrink helmet, yes, it sounds like a classic case of hypervigilence that usually results from PTSD or another rather extreme anxiety disorder.  Does she have panic attacks?

I honestly have no clue. 

She's a CPA that works as an auditor, so I think she has some deep seeded need to have everything in a perfect order, and fully controlled.  I don't know what kind of trauma is lurking, but from what I can tell, every single aspect of her life is handled that way.

[BearSchlong 8093]

Just now, Al_4_ISU said:

I honestly have no clue. 

She's a CPA that works as an auditor, so I think she has some deep seeded need to have everything in a perfect order, and fully controlled.  I don't know what kind of trauma is lurking, but from what I can tell, every single aspect of her life is handled that way.