I'm An Alcoholic

[Macanudo 12979]

Saturday will be 12 weeks for me.   One of the things that has changed (incredibly so) is how I sleep and for how long.   There have been weekends where I get 10 or 11 hours.   Week days, if I don't set my alarm, I'll be late to work.   But I wake up rested and without the dread or feeling anything like a hangover.  

Something else that I've had a hard time curtailing is my sugar intake.   I have eaten more candy, cookies and ice cream in the past 12 weeks than probably in the last 2-3 years.  I've been a little better over the past 10-12 days but damn if I haven't been craving sugar.  

I have always liked to read but had substituted news, Surly, etc. for books for a while now.   Last weekend, I went to Half-Price Books and picked up 13 books for under $100.  I'm halfway through a 600 page Len Deighton book about the lead up to WWII and the British mistakes they made both before and after the war started.  I bought books because I wanted to put down my devices that I can let steer me away from long thinking and it instead I spend my time looking at headlines or skimming articles.   I forgot how relaxing it is to sit quietly and read for fun.    

 

[Jerry Callo 8703]

57 minutes ago, Macanudo said:

Something else that I've had a hard time curtailing is my sugar intake.   I have eaten more candy, cookies and ice cream in the past 12 weeks than probably in the last 2-3 years.  I've been a little better over the past 10-12 days but damn if I haven't been craving sugar.  

That's a tough one.  I was the same.

[Moby Ric 2058]

49 minutes ago, Jerry Callo said:

That's a tough one.  I was the same.

I'm the same with sugar.  I have put on 10 lbs.  Thought I would have dropped weight, but the sugar is kicking my ass.

[Jerry Callo 8703]

Just replacing sugar in alcohol with sugar in everything else.  I've given up all sugar and artificial sweeteners.  The only way I know to get rid of the craving is do without for a few weeks.  I found artificial sweeteners kept the sugar craving alive and well.

[Macanudo 12979]

31 minutes ago, Moby Ric said:

I'm the same with sugar.  I have put on 10 lbs.  Thought I would have dropped weight, but the sugar is kicking my ass.

I ate some Little Debbie Zebra Cakes this week for the first time in years.    

[Celery Man 20951]

I lost a shit ton of weight in rehab because I was just eating cereal in the morning and salad bar the rest of the time. I wish I could figure out the key for "make a salad at home" to be as appealing to me as "hit up this salad bar". Once I was back home I started getting into the sugar and put weight back on. I don't know if anything happens metabolically at any point to help curb that urge, I think I just started feeling fat and made the decision to break the habit of getting sour gummie bears from the 7/11 by my office or eating a slice of pie for dessert at lunch time.

 

A super fucking powerful thing about sobriety that's also probably dangerous is that you've freed up the positive feedback loop. Used to be that you got positive feedback from drinking and that was that. Now you're done with that and it can be very powerful to.... hey this space being clean is nice I'm going to keep things clean. having the things i need to do organized is great I'm going to become a to-do list person, running feels good I'm going to keep running, etc. But it also works with eating a whole bag of sour gummy bears.

My wife (also an alcoholic) had the same thing with the gummy bears. I was just telling her I'm probably going to be going to Copenhagen at some point this year and she assured me she'd have a grocery list put together for me like the last time I went to Hamburg

[Dewey 3286]

1 hour ago, Macanudo said:

I ate some Little Debbie Zebra Cakes this week for the first time in years.    

When I lived in El Paso,  this grocery store sold an amazing tres leches cake, single serving. I went in on valentine's day, no single serving options,  I bought an entire tres leches cake. I used the same rationale as when I bought alcohol.  The more the better, this way I won't run out so soon, etc

[Moby Ric 2058]

Skittles wild berry gummies, and golden oreo double stuff are my current sugar vices.  

[After irth 1243]

15 hours ago, Macanudo said:

Saturday will be 12 weeks for me.   One of the things that has changed (incredibly so) is how I sleep and for how long.   There have been weekends where I get 10 or 11 hours.   Week days, if I don't set my alarm, I'll be late to work.   But I wake up rested and without the dread or feeling anything like a hangover.  

Something else that I've had a hard time curtailing is my sugar intake.   I have eaten more candy, cookies and ice cream in the past 12 weeks than probably in the last 2-3 years.  I've been a little better over the past 10-12 days but damn if I haven't been craving sugar.  

I have always liked to read but had substituted news, Surly, etc. for books for a while now.   Last weekend, I went to Half-Price Books and picked up 13 books for under $100.  I'm halfway through a 600 page Len Deighton book about the lead up to WWII and the British mistakes they made both before and after the war started.  I bought books because I wanted to put down my devices that I can let steer me away from long thinking and it instead I spend my time looking at headlines or skimming articles.   I forgot how relaxing it is to sit quietly and read for fun.    

 

Cheers to all of this. The sleep. The reading. The peace. 

I don’t really give a fuck about sugar, but…

Well done, my friend. 

[Moby Ric 2058]

Today I am starting the attempt to get rid of the sugar.  I actually think this may be tougher than the booze itself.  

Black coffee is not doing for me this morning.

[hullabelew 3724]

Three years ago yesterday, I was completely and utterly broken. I was loading up in my car in Atlanta for a drive I didn't want to make to some place near Nashville.  Driving along the winding river road (curiously named River Road)  I thought about swerving off the road so I wouldn't have to go that day. When I drove under the arches that led to the treatment center, I felt a release I couldn't describe. I now know that was what surrender felt like.

I was still scared and wasn't sure I wanted to live, but I was done fighting. It can be done. 

Surrender is not to be confused with giving up. For me, it was much more a process of opening up. As John Clark says at the end of his brilliant podcast, Forest Fires, "Stay Reachable, Stay Teachable, and Stay Humble".    

I would also add, "Stay Connected". I love you guys. Let's keep doing this.   

[Celery Man 20951]

44 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

When I drove under the arches that led to the treatment center, I felt a release I couldn't describe. I now know that was what surrender felt like.

 

man that is so exactly right. all of the moments leading up to the moment you give the FUCK up are the hard part. From there, at least comparatively, it is easy. Not that you can't slip, not that people don't fall off the wagon after years of success, but that moment when you admit defeat and relinquish control, that's the moment when things begin to get better. It doesn't make you weak, it makes you strong. It doesn't mean you've lost, it means you can start to win again. It doesn't make you powerless, it means you can begin doing things that give you power. It's not oppression, it is freedom - you can close that painful chapter and begin to move on. Such a fantastic moment, thanks for sharing Hulla.

Edited May 9, 2022 by Celery Man

[BearSchlong 8098]

Happy 3 year sobriety anniversary, @hullabelew.  There's nothing quite like that feeling when you realize the gig is up and the world will continue to spin on it's axis without any input from me.  Being flung off the merry go round was the best thing that ever happened to me as well.

[Reagan1k 3024]

11 hours ago, Moby Ric said:

Today I am starting the attempt to get rid of the sugar.  I actually think this may be tougher than the booze itself.  

Black coffee is not doing for me this morning.

Be kind to yourself during that effort.  Not to say you shouldn't limit it, but don't beat yourself up too much about it.

I'm not sure but I don't think anyone ever went to jail or lost their job b/c they grabbed a handful of candy.  Leave some room for grace and be easy on yourself if you fall short of your goal from time to time.

[TwiceHorn 31475]

On 4/19/2022 at 1:38 PM, After irth said:

Judging from the responses, I’m guessing the path I’m on will only get worse, correct?

No one really knows.  We call it "field experimentation."  If it all fails, then the AA types are still here.

[Moby Ric 2058]

12 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

Be kind to yourself during that effort.  Not to say you shouldn't limit it, but don't beat yourself up too much about it.

I'm not sure but I don't think anyone ever went to jail or lost their job b/c they grabbed a handful of candy.  Leave some room for grace and be easy on yourself if you fall short of your goal from time to time.

I already fell short.  Going to have to ease into this.  I had a massive headache yesterday.  So I will ween off over time.

[Celery Man 20951]

try these

[Gladeite 375]

After reading this thread for a long time and pondering my own sobriety, I made the calculated move to stop eating any processed sugar, flour, et... and eat a lot of vegetables, salads, fresh fish, pasture raised eggs, et...  First 2 weeks were pretty rough with my brain craving food that made me feel "good".  After 2 weeks, the cravings went away and my mind/body has no interest in processed foods.  After that, completely gave up alcohol.  No beer after work, no 4 glasses of wine while Netflixing, no bottles during dinner.  The amazing difference for me is sleep and how good I feel.  During my wine days, I would wake up every night, take ambien frequently and feel sluggish in the morning and tired every afternoon.  Now, I sleep hard every night, never wake up and usually sleep for 9 hours.  For me, giving up the sugar first certainly helped with giving up wine.

 Credit goes to many pages of this topic here on Surly.

[DallasHorn26 586]

Joining the 1 year club today and am just in awe that it’s happened. The obsession has left me. There was a time when going more than a few days without the obsession kicking in was a struggle. But today isn’t about me, it’s a testament to what my higher power is capable of so long as I surrender and let him run the show, not me. I’m grateful to be here, and more than anything grateful to live another day.

[hullabelew 3724]

31 minutes ago, DallasHorn26 said:

Joining the 1 year club today and am just in awe that it’s happened. The obsession has left me. There was a time when going more than a few days without the obsession kicking in was a struggle. But today isn’t about me, it’s a testament to what my higher power is capable of so long as I surrender and let him run the show, not me. I’m grateful to be here, and more than anything grateful to live another day.

Congrats on the year.  Outstanding!

[BearSchlong 8098]

9 hours ago, DallasHorn26 said:

Joining the 1 year club today and am just in awe that it’s happened. The obsession has left me. There was a time when going more than a few days without the obsession kicking in was a struggle. But today isn’t about me, it’s a testament to what my higher power is capable of so long as I surrender and let him run the show, not me. I’m grateful to be here, and more than anything grateful to live another day.

You are the prime example of someone in the center of the lifeboat.  Can't wait to talk to you again soon.  Congratulations on the year, that is such a tremendous milestone.

[ztejas 43452]

9 hours ago, DallasHorn26 said:

Joining the 1 year club today and am just in awe that it’s happened. The obsession has left me. There was a time when going more than a few days without the obsession kicking in was a struggle. But today isn’t about me, it’s a testament to what my higher power is capable of so long as I surrender and let him run the show, not me. I’m grateful to be here, and more than anything grateful to live another day.

Major props man. No offense but there was a stretch where I was worried about you putting it together. Keep it up.

Now you can be worried about me figuring it out 😁

[Devil Horn 17]

I fell off the wagon, coming down right now. I'm extremely angry at myself. I could use a kick in the ass and encouragement right now.

I've been down this road several times before. I'm safe and harbor no dangerous thoughts to myself. I'm just really pissed that this crap has happened again.

I have a lot to live for and many people that depend on me. I've got to suck it up and get through this bullshit.

I'm physically and mentally feeling absolutely horrible. This feels like going through Hell.

Hook'em.

[DallasHorn26 586]

Major props man. No offense but there was a stretch where I was worried about you putting it together. Keep it up.
Now you can be worried about me figuring it out

Haha. None taken my friend. I had the same worries about myself for quite a while.

[Macanudo 12979]

30 minutes ago, Devil Horn said:

I fell off the wagon, coming down right now. I'm extremely angry at myself. I could use a kick in the ass and encouragement right now.

I've been down this road several times before. I'm safe and harbor no dangerous thoughts to myself. I'm just really pissed that this crap has happened again.

I have a lot to live for and many people that depend on me. I've got to suck it up and get through this bullshit.

I'm physically and mentally feeling absolutely horrible. This feels like going through Hell.

Hook'em.

But you're here being accountable to yourself.   None of us is infallible.  Pick up, move on and learn.

One of my triggers the past few years was being in physical pain (I have arthritis in my feet.)   One of my ankles has flared up the past week and yesterday, after having a rough night I thought about drinking.   I used that as an excuse sometimes to drink too much to "numb the pain."   Then I admitted to myself that doing that didn't help with the physical pain and instead brought more mental anguish.

One day at a time.

[BearSchlong 8098]

Cancer.  You have cancer.  That's the bad news.

The good news is that you can recover and possibly never have a relapse.

Substitute any progressive fatal disease for cancer, the recovery probabilities are still outstanding.

Because personally, my cancer is known as alcoholism. My chemo/radiation/treatment is the 12 step program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

It's really that simple.  I don't fall off the wagon, I stand up on the wagon and dive facefirst into the sagebrush, jump up, shoot my horses and anyone else that happens to be around.  If I didn't have guns, I'd drive those horses off the nearest cliff.

I don't need a wagon, I need a lifeboat.

 

[MissingInAction 25078]

I may be joining you magnificent bastards soon. So many changes going on right now that I can't be my usual ditch pig self. 

It's time to man up before there's no time left.

[DallasHorn26 586]

You are the prime example of someone in the center of the lifeboat.  Can't wait to talk to you again soon.  Congratulations on the year, that is such a tremendous milestone.

Thank you sir. It’s a good boat to be in. You’re lifeboat reference makes me think of this talk of heard before. Listen to his invisible bot analogy starting at 51 mins in or so.

[hullabelew 3724]

1 hour ago, Devil Horn said:

I fell off the wagon, coming down right now. I'm extremely angry at myself. I could use a kick in the ass and encouragement right now.

I've been down this road several times before. I'm safe and harbor no dangerous thoughts to myself. I'm just really pissed that this crap has happened again.

I have a lot to live for and many people that depend on me. I've got to suck it up and get through this bullshit.

I'm physically and mentally feeling absolutely horrible. This feels like going through Hell.

Hook'em.

I used to get pissed at myself when this happened.  Then a buddy told me, "You may have lost your continuous day count, but you haven't lost what you learned to that point in recovery.  When you ass falls off, pick it up and get back to work."   

[Devil Horn 17]

I really appreciate the replies. 

The trigger for me was Mother's Day.

I lost a gorgeous and extremely kind wife to cancer when she was in her late 30's. She was in the shape of her life, diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer, and gone in 8 months. It came out of nowhere. 

It was a shot gun blast to my chest. I had known her since we were teenagers. 

I was left with 3 children to raise on my own.

Mother's Day is a somber affair, especially since my own Mother is in declining health.

Things had been crushing down on me the past few months for other issues as well.

It snuck up on me. I've been through rehab and hospital stays.  It didn't get to the excess of before because I stopped it.

I'm jonesing and going through withdrawal. 

There are no DTs. It's not as severe as before. My mind just races back to previous experiences like PTSD.

Withdrawal is Hell. I never thought I would be going through it again. 

[Macanudo 12979]

1 hour ago, Devil Horn said:

I really appreciate the replies. 

The trigger for me was Mother's Day.

I lost a gorgeous and extremely kind wife to cancer when she was in her late 30's. She was in the shape of her life, diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer, and gone in 8 months. It came out of nowhere. 

It was a shot gun blast to my chest. I had known her since we were teenagers. 

I was left with 3 children to raise on my own.

Mother's Day is a somber affair, especially since my own Mother is in declining health.

Things had been crushing down on me the past few months for other issues as well.

It snuck up on me. I've been through rehab and hospital stays.  It didn't get to the excess of before because I stopped it.

I'm jonesing and going through withdrawal. 

There are no DTs. It's not as severe as before. My mind just races back to previous experiences like PTSD.

Withdrawal is Hell. I never thought I would be going through it again. 

Yeah, Mother's Day can suck.   But keep at it.   You know that there are two possible sets of results.   Work toward the one that makes a real difference.   In your life and your kids.

[Atxracer 797]

Sorry ahead of time for the long post.  But, I think you all can help and wanted to give you the details and I appreciate any thoughts and recommendations. 
 

My sister, who is 53 and has been a problem child since about 13, has been messing with drugs and alcohol pretty heavy since 30 and is in a little more than a bit of trouble. 
 

Married three times. Two kids with the first husband (that started at 17 due to a pregnancy).  Third child was with the second husband. 
 

Around 30 she got divorced from number 2 and went off the rails.  Long story short, a lot of in and out of our lives due to starting drugs again, running out of resources and coming back for my family to clean everything up and get her back on track. She gets there and the same routine starts over and usually in a short period of time. I can’t count how many times this has happened.  
 

After enough of this, two kids went to live with their dad (2nd husband had adopted them by now and the oldest was out of the house) in a completely different state.  
 

More than a few more repetitions of the cycle and she gets clean with a lot of encouragement/support from my parents.  Does really well for herself for a few years.  She was very successful at what she was doing despite us having to buy her high school diploma.  Tried to re-connect with her kids, etc.  But, again, attracted the wrong people and started down the same road once she got on her feet.  She developed some form of paranoia that people were coming to get her, stealing from her and tracking her every move.  Ended up throwing away a very lucrative business. 
 

Rehab again.  Comes out, goes to a halfway house for about a year, comes out and tries to get her life back on track again.  Same cycle started over. The lack of use of drugs and alcohol put on weight (she is very vain) so that started some form of speed which led to other things, etc.  

This turned into a call a couple months ago from my dad saying she was recently placed in ICU for an overdose, left AMA, he found her, put her in a detox, she left there too and didn’t know where she was.  About a week later she ended up in another 60 day rehab.  She got out of there about a week ago and then gets in a car wreck while drunk (apparently she also takes 5 bottles a day of some weird herb that comes from some tree bark that I don’t know what it is).  

So, now we are at today.  My dad asked if we should do an intervention.  I don’t think anyone in my family, including her kids, are interested. I also think it wouldn’t help, we have done this before, and if what she has gone through hasn’t woke her up, nothing will. I am also under the impression you can’t fix someone unless they want to be fixed.  
 

My concern is that while she has a ton of people trying to collect from her from past bad decisions, now she has an actual real deadline for court that will result in her having to show up or face jail (which I think might actually help).  I truly believe that she will now feel she won’t be able to come back from this family damage, financial obligations, legal issues and we aren’t far from my next call from my Dad that she is gone.  
 

All that said and dumped on you, is there anything me or my dad can do?

[DalTxHornFan 3101]

8 minutes ago, Atxracer said:

Sorry ahead of time for the long post.  But, I think you all can help and wanted to give you the details and I appreciate any thoughts and recommendations. 
 

My sister, who is 53 and has been a problem child since about 13, has been messing with drugs and alcohol pretty heavy since 30 and is in a little more than a bit of trouble. 
 

Married three times. Two kids with the first husband (that started at 17 due to a pregnancy).  Third child was with the second husband. 
 

Around 30 she got divorced from number 2 and went off the rails.  Long story short, a lot of in and out of our lives due to starting drugs again, running out of resources and coming back for my family to clean everything up and get her back on track. She gets there and the same routine starts over and usually in a short period of time. I can’t count how many times this has happened.  
 

After enough of this, two kids went to live with their dad (2nd husband had adopted them by now and the oldest was out of the house) in a completely different state.  
 

More than a few more repetitions of the cycle and she gets clean with a lot of encouragement/support from my parents.  Does really well for herself for a few years.  She was very successful at what she was doing despite us having to buy her high school diploma.  Tried to re-connect with her kids, etc.  But, again, attracted the wrong people and started down the same road once she got on her feet.  She developed some form of paranoia that people were coming to get her, stealing from her and tracking her every move.  Ended up throwing away a very lucrative business. 
 

Rehab again.  Comes out, goes to a halfway house for about a year, comes out and tries to get her life back on track again.  Same cycle started over. The lack of use of drugs and alcohol put on weight (she is very vain) so that started some form of speed which led to other things, etc.  

This turned into a call a couple months ago from my dad saying she was recently placed in ICU for an overdose, left AMA, he found her, put her in a detox, she left there too and didn’t know where she was.  About a week later she ended up in another 60 day rehab.  She got out of there about a week ago and then gets in a car wreck while drunk (apparently she also takes 5 bottles a day of some weird herb that comes from some tree bark that I don’t know what it is).  

So, now we are at today.  My dad asked if we should do an intervention.  I don’t think anyone in my family, including her kids, are interested. I also think it wouldn’t help, we have done this before, and if what she has gone through hasn’t woke her up, nothing will. I am also under the impression you can’t fix someone unless they want to be fixed.  
 

My concern is that while she has a ton of people trying to collect from her from past bad decisions, now she has an actual real deadline for court that will result in her having to show up or face jail (which I think might actually help).  I truly believe that she will now feel she won’t be able to come back from this family damage, financial obligations, legal issues and we aren’t far from my next call from my Dad that she is gone.  
 

All that said and dumped on you, is there anything me or my dad can do?

I had an older cousin who also ran that path.  His Mom, my dearly beloved Aunt, later said that the only time she slept well at night was when she knew that he was incarcerated and accordingly, somewhat safe.  Consequences are a thing and maybe she should experience that. YMMV.

[BearSchlong 8098]

Agreed.

"Allow her the dignity of experiencing the direct consequences of her actions."

Detach with love.

And the obligatory "Go to Al Anon" aimed at all her loved ones. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you certainly can't cure it.

I hate it, but there are some people who can't be helped, and the question of getting the dreaded phone call isn't a matter of if, but when.

[Texzilla58 4736]

Sorry ahead of time for the long post.  But, I think you all can help and wanted to give you the details and I appreciate any thoughts and recommendations. 
 
My sister, who is 53 and has been a problem child since about 13, has been messing with drugs and alcohol pretty heavy since 30 and is in a little more than a bit of trouble. 
 
Married three times. Two kids with the first husband (that started at 17 due to a pregnancy).  Third child was with the second husband. 
 
Around 30 she got divorced from number 2 and went off the rails.  Long story short, a lot of in and out of our lives due to starting drugs again, running out of resources and coming back for my family to clean everything up and get her back on track. She gets there and the same routine starts over and usually in a short period of time. I can’t count how many times this has happened.  
 
After enough of this, two kids went to live with their dad (2nd husband had adopted them by now and the oldest was out of the house) in a completely different state.  
 
More than a few more repetitions of the cycle and she gets clean with a lot of encouragement/support from my parents.  Does really well for herself for a few years.  She was very successful at what she was doing despite us having to buy her high school diploma.  Tried to re-connect with her kids, etc.  But, again, attracted the wrong people and started down the same road once she got on her feet.  She developed some form of paranoia that people were coming to get her, stealing from her and tracking her every move.  Ended up throwing away a very lucrative business. 
 
Rehab again.  Comes out, goes to a halfway house for about a year, comes out and tries to get her life back on track again.  Same cycle started over. The lack of use of drugs and alcohol put on weight (she is very vain) so that started some form of speed which led to other things, etc.  
This turned into a call a couple months ago from my dad saying she was recently placed in ICU for an overdose, left AMA, he found her, put her in a detox, she left there too and didn’t know where she was.  About a week later she ended up in another 60 day rehab.  She got out of there about a week ago and then gets in a car wreck while drunk (apparently she also takes 5 bottles a day of some weird herb that comes from some tree bark that I don’t know what it is).  
So, now we are at today.  My dad asked if we should do an intervention.  I don’t think anyone in my family, including her kids, are interested. I also think it wouldn’t help, we have done this before, and if what she has gone through hasn’t woke her up, nothing will. I am also under the impression you can’t fix someone unless they want to be fixed.  
 
My concern is that while she has a ton of people trying to collect from her from past bad decisions, now she has an actual real deadline for court that will result in her having to show up or face jail (which I think might actually help).  I truly believe that she will now feel she won’t be able to come back from this family damage, financial obligations, legal issues and we aren’t far from my next call from my Dad that she is gone.  
 
All that said and dumped on you, is there anything me or my dad can do?

I know it’s tough seeing a sibling grow from troubled teen to troubled 53 year old. I am assuming in her mind if it gets too bad Daddy will rescue her. You need a real intervention, even if just you and dad, to tell your bottom lines and draw a line in the sand with, but anyone that provides money, support, shelter, or transport should be there if possible.

Basically you and dad need to bury her because she’s in a drag race into a brick wall. She can go to treatment or she is on her own. She has to know she’s fucked if she won’t comply. If dad is providing cell phone, bedroom, cash, anything he has to cut her off. Anything else is enabling her addiction.

[Texzilla58 4736]

I really appreciate the replies. 
The trigger for me was Mother's Day.
I lost a gorgeous and extremely kind wife to cancer when she was in her late 30's. She was in the shape of her life, diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer, and gone in 8 months. It came out of nowhere. 
It was a shot gun blast to my chest. I had known her since we were teenagers. 
I was left with 3 children to raise on my own.
Mother's Day is a somber affair, especially since my own Mother is in declining health.
Things had been crushing down on me the past few months for other issues as well.
It snuck up on me. I've been through rehab and hospital stays.  It didn't get to the excess of before because I stopped it.
I'm jonesing and going through withdrawal. 
There are no DTs. It's not as severe as before. My mind just races back to previous experiences like PTSD.
Withdrawal is Hell. I never thought I would be going through it again. 

I am sorry for your loss. Only a loss of a child is worse than the early departure of a beloved spouse. I can’t imagine the pain, and know I’d be off the deep end.

So you made a bad decision. You know it. Shake yourself off. Get back to managing your sobriety. All the days sober previous are an achievement, be proud, reflect on your miscue, and move on down the road.

As Michael Irvin said, Get up, look up, and don’t ever give up! You can do this; you recognize your trigger, you know what you did, and you owned up to it. That’s getting better. Self awareness is so important. Quit beating the shit out of yourself. Your wife wants you to get well.

Best wishes on your new journey with sober living.

[BearSchlong 8098]

Drag racing into a brick wall. I'm so stealing that.

[justhookit 4191]

Y’all are needed over here - 

 

[hullabelew 3724]

Just checking in and getting this thread to page 1.  Also sending BL some peaceful thoughts.  

 

[BearSchlong 8098]

CSB time.

2004-2009 I worked with a guy, we worked hard, played hard, drank hard, and got fired from the same tech company on the same day.

2011 I get sober.

2013 he gets sober and we spend the subsequent years talking recovery.

About 6 weeks ago I call him to bitch about my job, how I'm uninspired and collecting resentments by the day.  He says come work with him, he knows how I think and I'd be a perfect fit with his global organization. Starts circulating my resume to managers and telling them about me.  I'm qualified for the job, but if I had flat out applied online their AI bot would have rejected me because I'm changing industries. Growing company, multiple jobs. Soon I have multiple managers recruiting me, job offers, my OTE is triple my previous income, with equity.

Started this week, have a sober buddy with 10 yrs tenure to help me navigate.  What a blessing. God doing for me what I could not do for myself.  Buckle up, hold on, time for the ride of my life.

Now I have to tell on myself - I am having to focus on humility because my ego is playing tricks on me.

[Macanudo 12979]

Well, I didn't get a fancy new job or anything but I hit 100 days in May and have 110 as of now.   3 full months and some change.  Letting the little things roll of my back and finding other ways to deal with the big things that would have previously allowed me to tell myself that a drink or 4 was the solution.  

We'll have 35+ high school kids here today for a graduation party and it's going to be a clusterfuck.   I stayed out of the planning because I was told that it was being take care of.   It was not.   Last night as several others were buzzing around the house at 10:00 scrambling, I was chilled out.   110 days ago, I would have been planning how I could pull of drinking nearly all day.   Today, I'm finishing up some work and around 1:00, I'll help where I can, 5:00ish I'll fire up the grill and start churning out burgers and brats.  

All while enjoying some sparkling water or Diet Coke and watching this spectacle unfold.  

[hornbri 1398]

That’s great Mac, I am a little over 60 days now myself and letting the little things roll away has been much easier. 

[Elvis 3371]

I just finished Allen Carr's audio book "The Easy Way to Control Alcohol" on Monday.  I really like the message and approach.  I haven't had a day without (a lot of) alcohol in years.

I had my first sober day yesterday and I feel really good about the future.  I'm listening to it again througout the day to help the lessons to really sink in.

[After irth 1243]

23 hours ago, Elvis said:

I just finished Allen Carr's audio book "The Easy Way to Control Alcohol" on Monday.  I really like the message and approach.  I haven't had a day without (a lot of) alcohol in years.

I had my first sober day yesterday and I feel really good about the future.  I'm listening to it again througout the day to help the lessons to really sink in.

Will check this out.  Care to elaborate on the main points?

[Sbbruin 21853]

Alcohol has been a very big part of my life for, well, basically all of it.  But recent health developments mean that I need to put the old girl behind me and focus on trying to stay alive.   I've skirted the edges of alcoholism.  Or maybe that's my delusion and it's worse than I admit to myself.  But nevertheless I have to give my body every chance I can.  So I'll be popping in here a bit for a little check up.

[Johnny Sack 8397]

On 6/8/2022 at 11:29 AM, Elvis said:

I just finished Allen Carr's audio book "The Easy Way to Control Alcohol" on Monday.  I really like the message and approach.  I haven't had a day without (a lot of) alcohol in years.

I had my first sober day yesterday and I feel really good about the future.  I'm listening to it again througout the day to help the lessons to really sink in.

I just read that book as well.  I quit drinking a couple months ago as I am focusing on health.  The book played some sort of jedi mind trick as I have no desire to drink.  I was in Cabo for a week and had no desire to drink.  I am not an alcoholic, at least in my view, but I was drinking too frequently.  Here is a summary:

https://www.allencarr.com/easyway-stop-drinking/how-to-quit/#toptips

Not sure it works for everyone, but my buddy who was a heavy drinker stopped drinking when he read it two years ago.

[Elvis 3371]

3 hours ago, After irth said:

Will check this out.  Care to elaborate on the main points?

All alcohol of all types is poison.  It gives you nothing, and takes away everything.  Whatever cravings or other thoughts you have about drinking are caused by alcohol (not personal flaws).  It also caused all of the pain and problems that you have experienced.  Whenever you think drinking might help you in some way, realize it will not.  

 

I just had to give a short speech at work.  It was the first time in a long time I have done that sober.  I didn't do as well as the last time when I had several shots to warm up.  My voice felt shaky and I don't think I came off very "cool".  My wife was in the audience, and she said that I did great, just like always.  

I sat down feeling super shaky and disappointed in myself.  I thought a drink would help smooth this out.  I really wanted a drink!

I pushed through and kept telling myself that the drink is poison.  It will ruin my afternoon and probably tomorrow.  Alcohol caused this problem and it is not going to make it better by drinking poison again.

Then I remembered that I had been drinking so much up until Monday that I had chronic stomach pains, bad ones.  That pushed the thought of drinking even further away.

 

[After irth 1243]

10 minutes ago, Elvis said:

All alcohol of all types is poison.  It gives you nothing, and takes away everything.  Whatever cravings or other thoughts you have about drinking are caused by alcohol (not personal flaws).  It also caused all of the pain and problems that you have experienced.  Whenever you think drinking might help you in some way, realize it will not.  

 

I just had to give a short speech at work.  It was the first time in a long time I have done that sober.  I didn't do as well as the last time when I had several shots to warm up.  My voice felt shaky and I don't think I came off very "cool".  My wife was in the audience, and she said that I did great, just like always.  

I sat down feeling super shaky and disappointed in myself.  I thought a drink would help smooth this out.  I really wanted a drink!

I pushed through and kept telling myself that the drink is poison.  It will ruin my afternoon and probably tomorrow.  Alcohol caused this problem and it is not going to make it better by drinking poison again.

Then I remembered that I had been drinking so much up until Monday that I had chronic stomach pains, bad ones.  That pushed the thought of drinking even further away.

 

Self awareness is a beautiful thing.  Kudos for that.  Thanks for sharing, and for providing some additional info on Carr's book.  

Knowing your lifestyle, had you pegged as an extrovert.  I wouldn't think you'd be shy about public speaking.  I know it scares the shit out of a lot of people, however, and I commend you for powering through on something that made you so uncomfortable.  

[Elvis 3371]

Yes I have always been an extrovert, but fuled by alcohol.  I'm trying to figure out how to be funny and engaging while sober, which is tough.  Other work stuff is already getting better though.  Several people engaged my after my speech and I have 4 new sales leads to work on.  I guess I did better than I thought.  It's all mental.

[TwiceHorn 31475]

I am troubled by the title "How To Control Alcohol."  Control is the bugbear for alcoholics.

Employing contempt prior to investigation, I'm going to guess that book is for heavy drinkers.